Chapter Text
Caine’s blabbering was fuzzy in Pomni’s ears. The recent events are playing over and over in her mind in a painful loop. The way Jax puts up that mask, that damn mask. The way his pupils would blow out when it happened. The way his hands felt so shaky when he grabbed hers to aim that gun between his eyes. The lights from the stage hurt and Caine’s boisterous voice invaded her mind. Taking a glance back she saw Jax shuffle to what she assumed could only be the bathroom with a small stumble.
Damn this short rubbery body. Pomni couldn’t even see over the person in front of her. The cartoon physics made her hyperaware of what was touching her at all times. Even emphasized how fast her knee was bouncing from her racing mind. Something about the way Jax just moved added to the frustration. There was no boldness, he was slumped over, just no normal Jax… gusto. Anyone could tell there was something wrong.
The light brush of Ragatha’s plush hand patted Pomni’s. Her hand gripped the armrests aggressively, deep in thought, but was pulled out instantly. Pomni flinched and pulled away from the sudden touch on her arm. That nasty rubber-like skin is haunting. What did her human skin feel like again?
“Pomni, you alright?” That familiar tenderness in Ragatha’s voice was calming to Pomni but also bothered her. She was an adult, she didn’t need pity, especially from a ragdoll that pissed her off more often then she liked. She can think for herself, she doesn’t need someone to check on her all the time and monitor her.
The lack of response worried the doll. Pomni had been off ever since the losers arrived back in the circus. With a snap, they were back in the main area and Pomni was on her knees just staring at a pistol on the ground. Ragatha hastily rushed towards her, unaware of what had happened, but worried nonetheless. Only for the fact that she had been with Jax for longer than she could ever wish for someone and that the time spent with Jax was plastered on her face in a disheveled expression. The redhead squatted to the jester's level reaching out and making eye contact for a brief moment before the jester turned and swatted the hand. Getting up she wandered off to who knows where. Ragatha could only sit as Pomni once was, left to her own devices to consider what she had done wrong.
“Do you mind if we go back to your place when this is over?” Ragatha was taken aback by the sudden ask. Pomni just gave her the hardest cold shoulder and now she wanted to go back to her room after? What could it hurt? Just two gals chatting it up over tea and muffins… she did have muffins right? Ragatha went through her mental checklist. Snacks? Yes, tea? Yes,- “I mean we don’t have to I just-” Ragatha noticed the jester’s hands circling each other in the fidgety rub. “No!” Ragatha snapped back to reality, leaving her preparation thoughts behind. Her nervous smile was plastered on her face again.“That sounds great Pomni. Let’s go back to my place! I have tea!”
The halls of the theater were longer than Pomni remembered coming in. Each step felt like a mile. The farther she walked the more tired she felt, which didn’t make sense in this digital realm. Sleep wasn’t needed. Of course, you could rest but it only made a little bit of a difference. Everyone went to their respective rooms at night and put their head on a pillow but it didn’t change the fact that there was no need for slumber. The stretch was quiet besides Zooble blabbering on about something and Gangle attempting to carry them back to their room. How did they even find that stupid sauce? Ragatha was tense seeing the purple substance again. She said things that were a little too truthful that day. If she could erase it from her plush mind she would. Kinger was in front talking to… an imaginary person about how great the show was, and Ragatha was deep in thought next to Pomni.
Waving goodnight to the ribbon and the geometric, Ragatha opened her door for the jester. “Welcome to my humble abode!” The room was large, everything looked so… Ragatha. The walls were a soft blue and a beautiful button chandelier hung from the ceiling. Her bed had a lace-trimmed comforter with a collection of rag dolls on top. Ironically enough the dolls all resembled everyone in the circus, a few Pomni only recognized with a big red X across their faces sat on a shelf next to her bed. A small workbench sat in the corner. The whole thing was covered in all kinds of crafting materials. In the center was a jester doll still missing a hat but the red and blue fabric was strewn about showing the work in progress. Ragatha had noticed Pomni’s eyes locked onto the project. Rushing to the table she nonchalantly leaned against it. “It’s nothing Pomni, I'm sorry it’s so weird, I’ll throw it out!” Hastily gathering everything on the desk and shoving it toward a small trash bin before Pomni spoke up. “No, it’s ok! I think it’s… charming.” Pomni reached around the rag doll to her mini copy and lightly handled it. The details were beyond something Pomni thought was possible in this digital hell. The small things always looked pixilated and often cheap but the stitches were in high resolution. Caine must have really made sure that her crafting materials were of good quality. The jester brushed the small puffy outfit's shoulder with her thumb, slightly smiling. “I like it Rags, I think you perfectly captured my dumb pinwheel eyes.” A small chuckle escaped them both. “I still can’t believe we look so silly. I mean who decided on this terrible color scheme?” Pomni gestured to her puffy pants with her comically gloved hand. Ragatha smiled and rolled her eyes. “At least you don't have to sew yourself up now and then.” Her arm now raised to show her seam-busted elbow. “Speaking of! I'm gonna stitch this while we chat because the last thing I want to do is lose stuffing in my bed again.” Pomni watched as Ragatha dug in her drawer pulling a spool of tan thread and a large needle. “Why don't you have a seat at the table and enjoy some tea? There are some snacks over there too. Help yourself to whatever you like! Caine keeps me stocked up so take advantage of it.” Tea actually sounded very appetizing right about now.
Pomni thanks her with a small nod and leans toward some pixelated cookie. A small cautious bite was taken as Pomni watched Ragatha gracefully thread her needle and start to stitch away at her own busted seam. Pomni wondered if Ragatha could feel the needle. Her body was pretty easy to feel things. Assuming Ragatha couldn’t feel anything because she didn’t flinch when the needle entered her plush arm. Her eyes shot up from where she sat when the jester made a sudden movement to catch a crumb that tumbled from her rubber-like lips. “Don’t worry about it Pomni, it will disappear in a little while.” She dismissively waved her hand and continued on her arm.
“So, about the other day?” Pomni wanted to get to know Ragatha better because she damn sure didn’t want to go first. The last thing she wanted to do was spill her guts to Mrs sunshine and Rainbows and ruin the whole mood that fast. A small feeling that this would end up ruining the mood quicker than she would. Ragatha stiffened at the implication pausing mid-stitch. “If this is about the dug out, I'm sorry.” She stared again at her stitch but her brows were more furrowed than they were before. “Listen, I'm just trying to protect you from what is making me want to do it in the first place.” Those words were confusing to Pomni’s mind after such a long day but she thinks she knew what the something was. Jax. “I know I’ve said it before, but I don't need to be protected.” How could she say ‘I’m not a child in need of protecting’ without sounding like an ass? “And Jax really isn’t…” Pomni stopped. Jax wasn’t that bad until about three hours ago or what she assumed was three hours, this place is hard to have any idea of time in. “I think I need to just talk to him.” That’s the problem does she respect his wishes and stay away from him and ‘stop looking’ or does she dig until she breaks him open or have him just flat out break.
“Pomni” Ragatha had this look on her face that the jester could only describe as painful sorrow. “I want to protect you because Jax has this effect.” She sucked in a shaky breath “I’ve tried this before, I’ve tried to fix him, I want to help everyone but he’s especially… difficult.” Oh, she knows that. Pomni could see Ragatha’s one non-button eye gloss over a little. “He has had some issues in the past that I’ve done all I can do to get through to him and show him that it’s ok to be sad and vulnerable but he refuses.” Ragatha ties her last stitch with a loop and a hard yank. Pomni shifted and sipped her tea trying not to make eye contact with the doll. “I just kick myself for not being good enough. If I could just be a safe place for him that would be enough. I want nothing more than him being ok with me, to just listen to me.” Now she was wiping tears from her eye. Ragatha means well but life just doesn’t work in her favor. As of right now Pomni thinks that they are all pretty unlucky for just being here. “Jax used to listen to me, he would put his head in my lap and let me just talk to him! I miss that version of Jax! The one that cares. Now he’s just-” she was getting so worked up all of a sudden. It was the typical Ragatha burst that she would thrash her arm and pout. “Just a big annoying jerk!” Still no curse though, that was expected.
Pomni furrowed her brows. She wanted to pat Ragatha on the back and tell her it was ok but she just dropped a bomb and didn’t know it. Jax used to confide in Ragatha? The huge purple bunny that could give a shit less if you abstracted tomorrow used to lay in her lap and tell her his worries. Impossible. She must be hallucinating. That’s not the Jax that Pomni knows. The one she knows would scoff and put dynamite in your pillow if you even thought about that happening. The ragdoll huffed and straightened up her dress trying to gain her composure again. “Did you say Jax used to actually have some kind of compassion? I think you have the wrong rabbit.” Pomni laughed a little actually, the whole idea was just insane to her. It took every neuron in her mind to even imagine that happening. “Pomni you never got to meet the real Jax. He used to actually be so charming. He would love all the adventures Caine would send us on. He would laugh and just fill a room with such warmth. That was until after the incident that he began to act like he does now.” She reminisced about the old Jax. “He was still a twerp. Him and Ribbit would still put centipedes in my room and tie gangle to things but in the end, us three were inseparable. We were the youngest and newest in the circus so it was expected. Ribbit and I had a great relationship then Jax showed up and we all just grew so close. Siblings even.” Ragatha laughed a little actually. The memories of the trio running down the halls together and acting like they were teens. It was hard for the jester to imagine. The hellacopter mom, the asshole, and the abstract together and happy in this hell sounded impossible, not something she could ever see. Especially because none of those people exist anymore.
Pomni brushed Ragatha’s hand that gripped the hem of her dress. Pomni hated touch here with this horrid skin but Ragatha needed the grounding right now. The doll's eyes connected to the sympathetic look on Pomni’s face. “Let’s start by me apologizing,” Pomni started. “I should not have pushed you so hard in that dugout. Thank you for looking out for me. I'm assuming whatever happened to Ribbit has something to do with your protectiveness, but no matter what you will never push me away, even when you don’t want to team up with me.” Pomni chuckled giving the ragdoll a hard time. “I know you mean well and I know I can come to you Rags. Please don't beat yourself up over me.” Her rubber-like hand was still on the plush one. Ragatha knew that she was being raw with her. She was showing genuine kindness and feelings.
“Do you want to share about today. You don't have to tell me everything. I'm just worried that Jax hurt you.” It took Pomni a moment to collect her thoughts. Hurt me? Physically or mentally? Where to start, the hall convo? The Kinger chase? “Well after we chose teams we were actually having a blast. He was sharing info I didn't think I would ever hear, like his immense trypophobia, or that he thinks he’s the funny one out of the circus.” Pomni pulled her hand from Ragatha’s and pinched where her nose should have been. Her eyes closed in deep thought. “When we had rid of everyone I joked that one of us had to betray the other and that’s when it happened.” Pomni pulled her whimsy legs to her chest and huffed. It was small but enough to make the rag doll concerned. Her mind raced about what Jax might have done to the poor jester. This all sounded like the worst deja vu she had ever experienced. “He asked me to just shoot him. I asked if we would still be friends and then he just started gaslighting me! Calling them delusional, telling me we were never friends and that he doesn’t care about me or..” Pomni paused again. Her mind was jumbling Jax’s words. Each moment she festered on his snarky remarks the angrier she got. Her concern had turned into spite. She was now understanding that Jax was just a jerk there were no other kind words for her to call him. She was careful with the next statement because Jax explicitly said that he doesn’t care about her or anyone else which included the ragdoll in front of her. Speaking of the ragdoll she was very intently listening. “He said he doesn’t care about me or anyone else in the circus.” Ragatha started. “Pomni, I know that bothered you a lot. Thank you for telling me-“ Pomni cut her off. “Sorry, but I was about to get to the punch line” literally the punch line “then I chunked a pistol at his head and strangled him with these silly little gloves.” Ragatha was wide-eyed with a plush hand in front of her mouth, trying to stifle a giggle. “You choked him out!?” Ragatha now let a laugh out. Pomni relaxed a little hearing her chuckle, the calm of being with someone who could laugh in this shit hole was a relief. “I did, I can’t say he didn’t deserve it. The demons escaped me. I won't lie I was seeing red.” In the moment it was comical to think of Pomni wrestling the rabbit double her size but it was short-winded given the circumstances. Pomni noticed the change in Ragatha’s demeanor as she sipped her tea. Her shoulders pulled to her ears again, or where her ears should be.
It only brought back bad memories. Ragatha has been here before but Ribbit never beat Jax up. But they had gotten into an argument very similar to the one the jester was briefing her on. The not caring, the not friends. It for a fact was deja vu now. “It isn’t really my place and it’s not something I want to resurface but do you want to hear why Jax is the way he is? I hate to be a drag but I think you have the right to know.” Ragatha’s brows came together with a crease and she leaned in slightly. Something told the shorter woman that she wanted to just leave and not listen to this drab story but curiosity always won with Pomni. Curiosity was her weakness. She nodded hesitantly.
“Ribbit and Jax had gotten back from some kind of experimental adventure that Caine thought was a great idea. We were all stuck in the circus while they went on the adventure that I still don’t know about to this day. When they got back Jax had the s[BOING]t eating grin on his face. His normal weird smile block thing her does ya know?.” Ragatha exaggerated with her hands. “Ribbit rushed to their room as soon as they got back. As you know, their door is all the way at the end of the hall so we watched that frog sprint for a solid moment. I noticed the glitch first.” Ragatha reminisced and she hated it. The grimace on her face got worse by the second. Getting more uncomfortable, it wasn’t hard for Pomni not to notice. “Rags we can stop.” “No” Ragatha held up a hand to pause Pomni. “I need to get this out.” She rubbed her arm attempting to ground herself. “I tried to talk to Jax but he refused to listen. He just said they had an argument and he exploded on me. He said that he had no friends and that he wanted to watch us all suffer.” Pomni couldn’t believe the cheap ass would use the same line. For being the funny one he sure reused some phrases. “He listened a little better than I thought because he went to Ribbit’s room that night while we were all in our own quarters. I heard the shriek and jumped up. It was almost too late. ” late was an understatement. “I’d never seen such a thing, this place is messed up and all but Jax was…” Ragatha quickly blinked away a tear “Ribbit was abstracted but had ripped Jax apart. His body was a messy pile of pixels by the time he could drag himself to the hall.” Pomni was aghast. Jax had been physically hurt by his own doing and yet still decided he was going to be nuts. “Caine was quick to fix him and send Ribbit to the cellar but I thought my glitching was bad. Jax was barely even a body.” Ragatha took another deep breath. “He was screaming for anyone to help him but he was so mangled I couldn’t understand him.” The doll's hands rose to her chest level and she stared into her palms like they were going to help her come up with the words. “It was just me, Caine, and Jax that night. Everyone asked but i didn’t tell they just got a readers digest.”
“That night he sat in that corner and sobbed.” Ragatha pointed to the cozy bean bag corner with a bookshelf. “He let me comfort him but when I woke up he was gone. I found him the next day with that stupid smile on his face and he denied everything that took place. Like nothing happened. Like his best friend wasn’t gone or that he wasn’t dismantled.” The teacup in Pomni’s hand felt like it weighed a ton. The room spun. Jax wasn’t like this because he was just a jerk, he was scared. Reality rested heavily on her shoulders knowing she had exposed him earlier without even knowing it. Her own word echoed in her head. ‘You’re scared you will actually show a human emotion’ he showed human emotions and it almost got him abstracted.
“Pomni,” Ragatha pulled the jester from her trance. “I know you probably hate him right now but please understand that he is like this because he’s living in the past.” “He’s blocking out everyone to protect them from himself.” Pomni finally connected the dots. Her wide eyes quickly searched around for something that wasn’t there. Jax had been an egotistical prick because he knew he was the reason Ribbit abstracted. “I did everything to try to get him to talk to me again like he used to, but he just tells me I was imagining things.” She huffed, this time more shaken than the last “I failed him Pomni, I failed the only person I thought was a true friend. I just wanted to help.” Pomni looked Ragatha in the face for the first time since the whole Ribbit talk began. Tears soaked her plush face and her eye looked directly into Pomni’s. “Pomni, if you take anything away from this conversation. Let it be that you need to be careful with Jax, I’ve figured out you can handle yourself but please… just take care of him, he’s more fragile than he appears.” Her tea suddenly looked less appetizing now.
-
“If you ever need to talk I’m here Pomni!” The ragdoll waved to the jester as she beelined for her quarters adjacent to Ragatha’s. Returning the wave was a mistake because it was hard not to look at the big purple rabbit plastered on the door next to hers. His stupid face was mennacing.
How could a single day be so long? It felt like ages since Pomni was in her own space. The friendly reminder that she was a ‘cartoon jester’ was apparent when she opened her door to her primary color eyesore-looking room. At least she could enjoy her room more with the new update. She could actually move things around and reorganize the decor. Caine has hastily told her that since she was new, the room had to be updated more for it to get established to her liking. Now the recent master update was the real deal. They got new character options. Each room was now equipped with a closet. It was unheard of for Pomni to be able to take off this damn hat two days ago. There were a couple of stipulations though, Caine made sure to pound them in their heads because as he stated ‘freedom is great as long as you don’t disrespect my amazing, fabulous, and fantastic adventures.’ No PJs or lazy clothes outside of rooms or the tent. Outside the tent and adventures must be the default clothes. Not obeying this would result in ‘a horrible punishment’ knowing Caine it could be anything from cake in the face to being put in a massive garbage disposal. Either way, everyone in the circus agreed not to push it being that they had things to wear other than the normal drab circus attire. Everyone was lounging around the lobby area in new outfits that night after the update. It made the circus a little more normal. Well everyone except Jax. For some reason, he wore his pink overalls and opted not to trust the new clothes. The only thing is that they couldn’t pick the new outfits. Hopefully, the next update will give them more freedom for the customizations. Until then though Pomni was ok with her oversized blue tee and striped shorts. They came to her knees and were of course yellow and red. Have to satisfy that color palette no matter what she wears. Placing her hat on the dresser-like thing she had, Pomni slipped under her obnoxious comforter.
With a soft huff of air, Pomni reached for her lamp to hit the light only to be caught by the movement under her door. A small slip a motion. Pomni sprang up to grab whatever had just slid through the crack. A note stuck to a very familiar Polaroid.
“Found this in the trash. Figured you would want it.” -Ragatha, followed by a heart.
That stupid rabbit. The chaotic evil picture they had taken… was thrown in the trash like it was nothing. A bonding moment was put in the garbage like a candy wrapper. With a new determination, Pomni got back in her bed.
“I’m gonna kill that purple idiot.”