Work Text:
There was blood.
That was the first thing in everything. If Derek were to be having a panic attack right now and you asked him to name five things for all his senses it would be blood, blood and blood.
Blood on his Spencer. His Spencer was practically drowning in it. There seemed to be no end in sight to the pooling of-
There was also Tobias Hankel. He wasn’t covered in blood, despite his grip on Spencer, despite his closer proximity that had Derek bristling with panic and rage, there wasn’t a single drop on him. Derek tried to move- to reach out to Spencer, to protect him because- dammit that was his job!
Some job he was doing of that now.
“Spencer! I’m here! I’ve got you!” Derek barked, willing his feet to move but it was as if trying to wade through quick sand and Spencer was steadily drowning. He was being swallowed up by red and Derek had to get to him before he lost him forever.
He had to, as Spencer’s protector, as an agent, as a man, as he’d promised Spencer a thousand times over that he would, he had to.
He lived and breathed keeping his pretty boy safe, but now all he could see was red, the iron tang of the blood that Derek wasn’t even sure where it was coming from, was suffocating him. Spencer hadn’t said anything, hadn’t responded to Derek’s desperation, or even Hankel’s presence, or, fuck, even the blood. It was as if he was already dead in the middle of it all.
As if Derek had already failed before he could even begin to try.
-
Spencer was awoken by a gasping breath next to him, and if that hadn’t woken him then the hands clawing onto his pyjama shirt definitely would’ve done the trick.
“Der…?” The genius sleepily mumbled out, turning to face Derek slightly. A small choking noise woke Spencer up fully. He sat up, now alert, and switched on the dim lamp next to his side of the bed. “Derek? Are you okay?” Derek clutched onto Spencer’s shirt tighter, pulling him into his chest before wrapping Spencer into a bone-crushing hug.
“I’ve got you, I’ve got you…” Derek whispered frantically, burying his face into Spencer’s hair, pleased to find the locks were still soft and fluffy, not caked in blood.
“Der…” Spencer’s voice was muffled, squished against Derek’s chest. He pushed back gently, encouraging Derek to release some of his steadily tightening grip. At this rate he was going to crush Spencer. “Derek. I’m okay, what’s going on?”
Derek shuffled back, coming back to reality a bit, taking in Spencer in the dim light, thanking whatever God was out there that he wasn’t met with the red that had haunted his sleep previously. He let out a relieved laugh, it sounded shaky and wet but relieved nonetheless.
“You’re okay. You’re okay. Oh God Spencer.” Derek curled in on himself. It wasn’t often he got nightmares about anything other than Buford, and nowadays even those were few and far between. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like to wake up to all-consuming fear wracking his bones, his soul.
But he only had half a soul now, half of the weight to burden. Spencer was the other half of his soul and he found that it was easier to recover from his haunting nightmares with Spencer by his side. His other half.
“Was it a nightmare?” Spencer kept his voice quiet, trying to push a soothing effect through his tone. He shuffled a bit closer to Derek, laying a hand over the man’s knee now that things seemed to have calmed down. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Derek sniffled, taking a deep breath as he lay his hand over Spencer’s. “No, no I’m okay…It’s just- you were there, in-in my nightmare, and I was losing you and-” Spencer cut him off as Derek’s breathing started to pick up again.
“Hey, hey. Breathe, it’s okay. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Derek took a moment to right his breathing, swallowing tickly before sighing and letting his shoulders slump from their previously tensed-up condition.
“Yeah…it’s fine. I’ve got you, that’s all that matters. You’re okay.”
“I’m okay.” Spencer repeated warmly, placing a hand on Derek’s cheek as the man nuzzled his face into the hand, kissing Spencer’s palm and promptly lying back down.
“Thank God…I’m beat, can we go back to sleep babe?” Spencer lay back down as well, thumb stroking across Derek’s cheek as he admired his lover before him. Spencer could only wish to be so strong one day. Half of him was moulder to Derek, he guessed that was his stronger side.
“Whatever you want love, I’m right here.” Spencer whispered back drowsily. They’d have to get back up again in a couple hours for work. If it had been Spencer that woke up on his own, he’d have already made himself a coffee and hunkered down on the couch with a book by now- or still overcome with a panic attack. (or if he were a few years younger, shooting up to fall back asleep. A temptation he’s had to push away far too many times since dedicating to sobriety.)
Derek hummed and within seconds was back to snoring, his breath still a bit shallow but at least he was no longer in the throws of fear. Spencer hated to see his lover so saddened, it’s not a good look on men like Derek Morgan, and it makes men like Spencer Reid’s chest ache.
No matter what was waking up Derek Morgan, though, Spencer Reid would always still be there to kiss it away, to hold his hand and assure Derek of his safe presence.
There was no room for blood in their bedroom.
Spencer leaned over to switch off the bedside lamp and then snuggled back into Derek’s side, keeping one palm pressed against his chest to feel Derek’s steadily beating heart. It was okay, everything was okay.
They were two halves of each other and that was okay.