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Hoseok loves his job. He really does. He cherishes the feeling of waking up every morning feeling excited about what he’s going to do that day. He knows – has known since he was a child, even – that that’s the way life is meant to be. He adores being on stage and performing for thousands of people and he adores the beads of sweat trickling like satisfaction down his face at the end of every dance rehearsal. He knows that once you’ve had a taste of that adoration, you can’t ever go back. Not really.
But a job is a job is a job, and Hoseok might be a green-tea drinking, sun-saluting optimist but he still gets stressed just like everybody else. It’s sort of a running joke in the band. The fans call him heemang oppa and yeah, most days he’s their resident chirpy mood-maker. But on bad days he’s prickly and sensitive and generally an unapproachable grump. His bandmates know it. He knows it. He knows it and he hates it but he doesn’t know what to do.
There’s a cliché about bad days that Hoseok has always kind of scoffed at, because why would somebody write off an entire day as being bad? Is there some kind of dumping ground someplace where people just dispose of all the days they've deemed not good enough, never to be seen or looked kindly on again? Do people watch garbage trucks go by somewhere and say, ‘ah, yes, there’s another bad day truck’? Hoseok kind of wants to cuddle up all those poor little miscreant bad days and love them for their flaws and for their strong points, buried down deeply somewhere. He never wants to dismiss something as innocent as a day again.
But then... but then he’s kind of having one of those days. (Those challenging days? Those rebellious days?) He’s kind of having one right now. This day tastes foul in his mouth, like the groggy taste of insomnia and the unsettling, edgy taste of anxiety wedged between his teeth and beating just underneath his skin. This day tastes like a headache just waiting to happen, and all Hoseok can do is try to delay it.
This morning the seven of them plus their driver are stuffed into a van heading towards a radio show slightly out of the city. Some mornings they care where they’re going. Some mornings they don’t. Hoseok is curled up in the back with his hood up and his earphones in his ears – the unspoken signal for don’t talk to me.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to the other members. No. He saw Seokjin glance his way at breakfast and then glance questioningly at Namjoon, he saw Namjoon shrug and mouth back, ‘insomnia,’ and he felt Seokjin’s arms give him a short, supportive back hug as they clambered into the van. So he knows how much they love him. But he also knows that they all say they understand his anxiety but they still play scary pranks, they say they like his usually bright personality but they bark at him if he smiles too early in the morning, they say that they’re a family but even families don’t understand each other sometimes. It’s just the way people are. So, no, it’s not that Hoseok doesn’t want to talk to the other members. He just doesn’t want them to have to talk to him when he’s like this. Because on bad days, people don’t make sense to anyone but themselves.
Hoseok shuffles in his seat, trying to get into a more comfortable position. He could try to sleep. That might be a good idea. Taehyung (sweet, forever-perceptive Taehyung) notices and nudges him gently. “Hey. You can sleep on my shoulder,” he murmurs quietly, just for Hoseok.
Hoseok offers him a grateful half-smile and wordlessly rests his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. It doesn’t look like it should be a comfortable position, but somehow it is.
(If Taehyung was a day, he’d be the sunny kind that everyone falls in love with as soon as they wake up in the morning. If Taehyung was a day, Hoseok would track the whole world over to find him and never let him go.)
-
Hoseok doesn’t end up sleeping, but Taehyung’s warm presence does reassure him a bit. They all get through the radio show in one piece, with Seokjin and Taehyung talking the most and making the hosts laugh. Yoongi does his infamous aegyo, Jungkook sings a cute jazzy cover of some English song and Hoseok is dragged into an impromptu dance battle with Jimin. Hoseok loses, but Jimin makes him laugh the whole time and Taehyung is there with a warm space beside him at the end. So yeah, they all get through the radio show in one piece.
It’s during dance rehearsal that things get mildly worse.
Namjoon has a sore throat, so Yoongi’s leading the rehearsal for the day. Jimin and Jungkook both voted that Seokjin should do it, but they all know that Seokjin has no confidence when it comes to dancing. And their choreographer-slash-dance-coach is away on a honeymoon, so it’s just the seven of them in the studio today.
Yoongi’s not bad at leading rehearsal, per se. He tries. But he doesn’t have Namjoon’s endless patience, and today, that patience is what Hoseok needs. He finds Yoongi snapping at him when he falls behind and he finds himself snapping back, not quite having the willpower to sting his own hands just to smooth prickled feathers today. Taehyung watches nervously as Hoseok and Yoongi shoot poorly-concealed jibes at each other while keeping up the pretence of getting along. They’re heading for a clash. Hoseok knows it. The knowledge claws sickeningly at his stomach, but he still doesn’t know what to do.
Hoseok’s shoulders get tenser and tenser every time he messes up. Seokjin and Jimin keep giving him sympathetic looks, almost as if they think he’s going to cry. Heck, at this point he even thinks that he’s going to cry. He glances at his mirror reflection a few times, trying to school his face into obedience. Yoongi counts them through the steps over and over – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
Hoseok launches into his most difficult move at the end of the song. It’s a move that’s been thrown in to wow the audience – the kind of advanced move that is only ever allocated to him or Jimin. He’s done it perfectly a few times, now. But this time he steps a bit too far, loses his balance, messes up the jump and twists his back on the way down. He ends up in a heap on the floor.
For a few moments, pain is the only thing that registers in his brain.
The next thing that registers is embarrassment. Shakily, Hoseok pushes himself up into a sitting position.
Yoongi sighs. (Snarky, cruel, conscientious Yoongi that Hoseok only ever wants to impress.) “Okay, stop, stop.” Jungkook hurriedly presses pause on the stereo. Yoongi pinches the bridge of his nose. “Come on, Hoseok. You know this move. It’s not that hard.”
“Oh yeah?” Hoseok scowls and hoists himself onto his feet, trying not to wince at the pain that shoots through his back as he does so. “You try it, then.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes. “I know you’re tired, so I’m going to ignore the attitude you’re giving me right now.”
Hoseok crosses his arms, feeling his shoulders rise almost to his ears. “My attitude?” he says incredulously.
“Yes. As one of the group’s main dancers, you really need to practise until you nail this –”
“I’ve been practising until five a.m. every night for the past week!”
“Oh really,” Yoongi counters, voice dripping sarcasm. “That explains why you just messed up –”
“Fuck you,” Hoseok hisses, storming to the side of the room and crouching to collect his bag. He’s not going to cry. Not here, at least. He turns to Seokjin. He turns to Seokjin like a minute hand turns to twelve on an analogue clock; like he’s ready to ask for help. “I need to go home. Hyung.”
Seokjin exhales slowly. “Okay, look. I think we should all just take a ten minute break and cool off.” Yoongi snorts. Seokjin gives him a stern look. “That’s enough.” He turns back to Hoseok. “Does that sound okay with you?”
Hoseok closes his eyes and shakes his head. Be honest, a voice in his mind suggests. He takes a deep breath. “No. That doesn’t work for me. I hurt my back. I need to go home.”
-
Taehyung ends up asking Namjoon and Seokjin if he can be excused from dance rehearsal as well, to take Hoseok home. Yoongi loses his puffed-up, strict-hyung posture until he’s just soft Yoongi. He keeps trying to catch Hoseok’s attention but Hoseok avoids his gaze. They can talk it out later.
Hoseok fills up his water bottle and waits out in the hallway until Taehyung is ready. Taehyung eventually comes out with his own backpack and a soft smile. Instead of commenting on Hoseok’s red-rimmed eyes, he takes his hand and says, “Let’s buy cookies on the way home! And then we can watch TV and I’ll give you a back massage. How does that sound, hyung?”
Hoseok smiles, shaky but genuine. “That sounds okay.”
-
When Taehyung buys cookies, he really buys cookies. Goodness. Hoseok is curled up on the lounge next to Taehyung, with a warm blanket covering them and a box of honey and oat cookies between them. There are also raspberry and white chocolate swirly ones and those dotty rainbow ones that are a cookie snob’s secret best friend. Hoseok wasn’t even into junk food before becoming an idol, but now there’s this thrill of our-managers-would-be-mad-if-they-knew-we-were-doing-this attached to each crumbly mouthful and somehow the sneakiness makes it feel okay.
Taehyung is holding his honey cookie up to his face, trying to romance it. “You,” he says, caressing it lightly. “You are the most special cookie I’ve ever met in my life. Don’t be shy, darling. Let me taste you.” Then he shoves the entire cookie into his mouth and closes his eyes in pure bliss.
Hoseok is shaking with laughter. “You’re the worst cookie-wooer I’ve ever seen!” he cackles. “That’s not how you do it.”
Taehyung offers Hoseok a dotty rainbow one. “I’d like to see you woo one better.”
Hoseok grins, accepting the challenge. “Here, hold this up for me.” He positions Taehyung’s fingers around the cookie. Taehyung lifts it so that it’s almost level with Hoseok’s eyeline. Hoseok looks at the cookie, clears his throat, lowers his lashes prettily and touches his hair, just behind his ear. Then he looks back up at the cookie. “I’m really glad you could meet up with me tonight.” He smiles and feigns a blush. “You look so – I know this sounds clichéd but you look stunning. I hope you don’t mind me saying that.” He tugs faux-nervously at his shirt, knowing he’s displaying prominent collarbones underneath. “You just make me feel things and taste things that I never imagined anyone could feel or taste... and you make all that possible, you know? You’re extraordinary. Please excuse me for being so forthcoming... I really just...” Hoseok leans forward and slowly, slowly takes a bite of the cookie. He chews it in slow motion, licks his lips, and looks up at Taehyung.
Taehyung’s mouth is hanging open. He hastily closes it. “Dude, what the fuck? That was so kinky.”
Hoseok laughs and blushes for real. “I was rising to the challenge! Don’t make me feel weird.”
Taehyung pokes him, intrigued. “Seriously, though. Seokjin-hyung has another thing coming if he really thinks he’s the seductive one.”
Hoseok pauses. “Do you think I’m the seductive one?”
Taehyung gives him a look. “You just seduced a cookie. A cookie.”
Hoseok gulps. “Don’t tell anyone else that, I swear to –”
“I already told Jungkook.”
Hoseok gapes. “What? No you didn’t. How?”
“We have maknae telepathy.”
Hoseok frowns. "That's so not a thing."
Taehyung shrugs.
Hoseok's phone buzzes. He huffs and checks it.
From: Jungkook
you seduced a fckin cookie but you haven’t seduced taehyung yet wow hyung that’s low real low
Taehyung quirks an eyebrow. Hoseok hums. Maknae telepathy, huh? Well, the more you know.
-
After what Taehyung is gleefully referring to as ‘the cookie seduction’, they settle deeper into the blankets and watch TV. Hoseok is still exhausted, his back still hurts and he’s still technically on bad terms with one of his best friends. Taehyung senses his drop in mood and wordlessly offers him a hug. Hoseok accepts, snuggling up against Taehyung’s warm body.
Jungkook’s text is still on Hoseok’s mind. It’s something less stressful (though potentially more dramatic) to think about, so he lets it stay there. Hoseok plays with Taehyung’s jumper. After a while he murmurs, “Tae?”
“Mm?” Tae hums in response.
“Does Jungkook, um... does Jungkook have particular ideas about us? Like, you and me?”
Taehyung smirks. “Jungkook has a vivid imagination. I’m sure he has a lot of ideas about us.”
Hoseok snorts. “But like... you know what I mean.”
Taehyung wriggles sleepily. “Jungkook thinks that you and I should date. Mind you, he also thinks that Yoongi should speak with a British accent.”
Hoseok giggles. “What?”
“He thinks Yoongi would be really, really popular if he had a British accent.”
“Huh.”
They fall into an easy quietude again. Hoseok can feel Taehyung breathing. It’s steady, comforting and warm. Hoseok shifts. “Tae?”
Taehyung looks down at him this time, awareness shifting around him like an atmosphere. “Yeah?”
Hoseok presses a quick kiss to Taehyung’s lips. “Thank you.”
Taehyung smiles and somewhere nearby a Richter scale must be spiking, because Hoseok’s pretty sure the Earth just moved. He catches Hoseok’s lips in a longer kiss. “What are you thanking me for?”
Hoseok breathes out, and for the first time all day he knows the next breath will be easy. “Being you.”
Taehyung brushes Hoseok's hair out of his eyes. "Thank you for being you, too."
-
Eventually the other members get home. Seokjin makes Hoseok’s favourite dinner, Jungkook elbows Taehyung knowingly and Yoongi tackles Hoseok in a rare show of pure affection (being careful not to jostle his back). Namjoon and Jimin catch Hoseok’s blush when Taehyung touches his waist and they pepper him for details. Hoseok just smiles, sinks back and allows himself to blend in with it all.
Taehyung kisses Hoseok at dinner and Hoseok holds it in his heart like he holds the truth about the complexities of a single day. It’s Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung pulsing underneath his thoughts the next morning, smiling at him in the mirror during dance practice and warming his body at night. If Hoseok was a day Taehyung would be the one rifling through the castaways, picking him up and telling him that he’s okay. But Hoseok is a person and Taehyung does so much more than that, really. It’s Taehyung who keeps him anchored from year to wild year; it’s Taehyung who shines the torchlight on his life to reveal the brightest parts of it. It’s Taehyung who Hoseok wants to share every single moment with, because it’s Taehyung who reminds him that every moment, every single moment without any exception, matters.