Chapter Text
Maybe he just needed a little more time.
“Outside.”
Or was it something else?
“Outside!”
Snapping to, Oscar veered his horse off the rail just as that young man he couldn’t quite place a name to came cantering down the straight. He was still sort of learning all the new names around the yard, though his efforts hadn’t been… well, too effortful, he decided.
He could admit his last-minute escape from the rail had been a bit sudden, loosening up the double reins mostly to the buckle. He turned Dax towards the center of the ring, leaning forward to give him a small, apologetic pat on the neck. Working with the double bridle meant that everything had to be more sensitive, and errors like that were hardly acceptable.
In all honesty, Oscar thought most of what he’d been doing lately could be considered hardly acceptable. Training at the new yard had put him into somewhat of a slump, feeling out the new environment and the new people. It was a blessing that Andrea was there, but not always there. And besides, he was a grown man, and there was little excuse for feeling so off. He knew what it felt like to make vast changes to his life, and yet what could be considered a much smaller change felt almost just as killer to his confidence.
Andrea had struck up a deal at this new yard quite recently, moving his teaching prowess to a new location. Many of his students had stayed put and moved on, but Oscar found himself easily trailing in his trainer’s footsteps. There were not many out there who could put everything together like Andrea could, and besides that, there really weren’t too many people Oscar knew in the whole of England who weren’t him.
Looking over to the horse on the rail that he’d almost hit before, Oscar watched from beneath the rim of his helmet as the rider cut across the ring, performing a flying change before heading to one of the jumps set up closest to the wall. Jumper flying changes were so… flashy. And not in the way he liked. That rider had basically thrown his body at the horse, which he found a bit extreme. Dax was working on his one-tempi changes, requiring Oscar to be as smooth and fluid as possible. Too much throwing himself around and he’d miss a change. From the looks of the horse the other man in the ring was riding, anything more than a single change would be a frightening prospect.
The jump was a bit more impressive. The pair flew over the vertical, landing towards the corner of the ring and quickly gathering themselves for the next combination along the opposite wall. Oscar really wondered what that man’s name was. They’d crossed paths once or twice in the month or so that he’d been settling into the new barn for, and yet he felt most of the time they did meet each other, it was in a sort of flurry as it had been moments before. The guy seemed like a lot of person to handle, if he was going to be completely honest. A too-hot head and a lot of flashiness. Oscar looked back down at his own horse as the pair across the ring completed the vertical-and-oxer combo with what seemed like relative ease.
Dax, or Downforce as was his show name, was his own horse, an eight-year-old Westphalian gelding whom he’d bought when he’d arrived in England from Australia with the blessing of his parents. He was a talented dressage horse, having brought Oscar up through the levels as they’d trained together over the last two years. Really, he had Andrea to credit for the incredible work he’d done with the pair, but Oscar still found himself enthralled with all that he could do under saddle.
Maybe it was a silly thing to say, and maybe a bit cringe-worthy, but Dax was pretty much the only thing he’d felt like he’d truly bonded with since coming to England, other than Andrea, of course. But Andrea was a role model, a figure he respected, and less of a real ‘friend’. Dax was something in between. Gathering his reins back up and taking a very careful look around the ring to make sure he wouldn’t get himself involved in another crash, Oscar led his horse out to the rail, collecting himself back up for a proper ride. In that particular free ride, they’d been working on piaffe and passage, since the jumps being set up in the ring made it a bit difficult to work on half-passes and such.
“Look alive, mate. You’re at my exit.” Oscar heard the call from across the ring, turning his head to watch as the young man cantered down a line towards the jump he was almost certainly blocking.
“Mhm.” Spurring Dax to a trot, he got out of the way, watching as the rider duo made it over another jump before the man sat his horse down from a canter, to a trot, all the way to a walk, filing in behind where Oscar was starting to collect himself to begin his practice once more. “I, uhm, I’m gonna be a bit stop-and-go. Practicing piaffe.”
“Oh, sure, sure,” the man replied, steering around to let Oscar collect a short bit of passage before sitting into piaffe. It still felt more choppy than he liked. He rocked to and fro in the saddle, trying his best to let his body flow with his horse, though the slight tenseness he'd felt for the past couple of minutes was making that more difficult than he'd hoped. Another lesson with Andrea and he was sure things would start to fall into place.
He found himself distracted by that other man. Seriously, what was his name? It was right on the tip of his tongue. It was at that moment that he noticed the owner of the yard, Zak, step into the ring, the mystery rider stopping in front of him so they could chat. Zak, who was a lively American and truly hard to miss, looked up at where Oscar had now moved to a walk, waving his hand over and smiling. He was a bubbly guy, always so full of energy. “Afternoon, Oscar!” Oscar waved in return, continuing along the wall and squeezing Dax back to a passage. Might as well make use of the short time that he’d have without that rider barreling around the ring like he owned the place.
As he happened to pass by where the young man and Zak were chatting at the entrance of the ring, he picked up a brief portion of their conversation.
“You’re looking more than good enough to compete again,” Zak said evenly, his tone a bit more contained from his previous greeting. That was about as serious as Oscar had ever heard him.
A brief pause. “I need more time,” the rider eventually replied.
“Time isn’t limitless, Lando.”
Ah, Lando. That was his name.
****
Something about Zak’s words made Lando’s knees buckle a little bit as he hopped off Luna, watching as she stamped her foot in protest as he grabbed onto her side to stabilize himself. A quick pat on the neck was enough to sate her, but Lando felt he needed a bit more than just a pat on the back or whatever the human equivalent of petting a horse was.
He looked over as Oscar, the newest addition to the yard, coaxed his horse back up to a trot. He looked like he was floating, legs lifted high and neck held in an elevated, forward frame. See, Lando would never think to do dressage, but he still thought it looked rather pretty. Too boring for him, but definitely the right sort of discipline for a lot of people. Oscar didn’t seem like a very interesting character, so maybe that was fitting for him.
Well, maybe he was interesting in that he was always managing to somehow get in Lando’s way since he’d arrived at the yard not more than a month or two prior. He’d come with the new dressage trainer (Lando couldn’t quite place his name) and his gelding (he also couldn’t place a name there). Apparently, he was from Australia; Lando had assumed that Australians were rowdy and extroverted, but Oscar was quite the opposite, really. He kept to himself and hadn’t really attempted to make many friends. Granted, Lando and maybe a few young women were the only people in his age group at the barn, but it didn’t hurt to at least try to act friendly, right? He’d flash a smile, but never do or say much else.
Pulling Luna’s reins from over her head, Lando led her out of the ring, careful not to cut in front of Oscar’s various dressage exercises that he was in no place to even attempt to name. He again thought of what Zak had said, swallowing hard as he took off his helmet and ruffled a hand through his curls. It had been weirdly ominous, which he didn’t exactly enjoy the feeling of.
Time isn’t limitless. Stupidly simple yet so vague at the same time. He scratched the beginnings of his beard in consideration, returning his focus briefly to leading Luna towards the tack aisle. He’d get her untacked and led out for a bit of grass. That would give him plenty of time to consider everything.
Lando let out a long sigh as he took off Luna’s bridle, haltering her and hooking her to the pair of crossties lined up in the aisle. The rest of the barn was empty, bar the horses who were in their stalls, a couple kicking at the walls in protest of Luna’s proximity and the fact it was closing in on afternoon feeding time. To him, untacking felt like a bit of a stress reliever; maybe it was the fact that both he and Luna were given time to relax, but he found the feeling of standing on his own two feet a bit more grounding than listening to Zak lecture him atop his mare.
“That was kind of a short ride, huh?” Lando’s eyes flicked up, and he smiled as a familiar face entered the aisle. It was Jon, his trainer as well as Luna’s partial owner. Not just a talented rider and trainer, but a valued role model and friend. The man patted Luna’s neck and scratched along her shoulder as he made his way to stop next to Lando. “But I caught a few glimpses. It looked pretty stellar to me.”
“Just felt like I did everything I needed to do, I guess. Felt pretty mint,” Lando replied quickly, leaning over and grabbing a hoof pick, picking up one of Luna’s feet as Jon stood behind him and observed. “Did the oxer combination, the bounce with the big vertical, everything you said you wanted me to practice.” It was true that Jon had given him a list of things to practice in his own time, which he felt was a pretty effective way to keep him on track. Otherwise, he would just jump around for the hell of it, which, yes, was somewhat productive, but he appreciated having a task to stick to.
Jon nodded, continuing to scratch Luna’s neck mindlessly as he watched Lando move to a back hoof. “Good to hear. Are you feeling okay?”
It was almost shockingly impressive how good a read Jon had on him. Lando looked back, catching his trainer’s contemplative expression as he placed the hoof down, moving to the next quickly. “Yeah… I think so. Zak asked me about going out to compete again soon.”
“What did you say?”
“I said I needed more time.”
The two of them paused for a moment, Lando making his way to the final front hoof. Jon knew of his dilemma better than anyone else did. Of course, he didn’t say anything outright about it, but he knew exactly where Lando’s hesitations lay. When the two of them made eye contact as the final hoof was placed once more on the ground, Lando was sure that he looked somewhat pathetic. But Jon had seen much worse from him, so that was of relative non-concern.
Clearing his throat, Jon nodded his head from side to side. “In the end, it’s up to you. But I’d say some encouragement to try wouldn’t do you any harm.” He patted Lando on the back, continuing along down the aisle to wherever he had been headed before. “Just breathe.”
Maybe instinctively, Lando took a deep breath. He knew feeling weak was a completely normal part of life, and yet he still hated it. If everything just went his way, life would be so much easier, but alas, there were a few obstacles he had to overcome. Luna snorted impatiently, surely ready to have a bit of a graze. He was just as ready as she was to get some fresh air as he attached a lead rope to her halter and unhooked her from the crossties.
Just as he was about to exit the front of the barn, Lando gripped his lead rope tight and yanked Luna’s head back as he came face to face with an incoming horse and rider. He gritted his teeth as her hoof came down hard on the top of his foot, immediately causing a painful throb. Not exactly what he needed when he was already feeling a bit down on himself. It just happened to be Oscar, who pushed his horse’s head to the side to reduce the risk of any incidents. The two horses pinned their ears and made some aggressive faces at each other, but thankfully, no attempts to bite were made.
Lando shook out his foot, shaking his head. “Fuck me,” he grumbled under his breath, waiting for Oscar to move his horse fully to the side, which he did. The two looked at each other briefly, but there was nothing much in terms of friendliness shared between them. Lando was sure the bit of pain he was in was making his expression all the more annoyed. Oscar, on the other hand, just looked a bit worn out. His eyes were sullen as he let Lando pass. Something about that annoyed Lando a bit. If you’re gonna act like a downer, at least try to do something about it, he said to himself, his eyes flitting to meet Oscar’s once more, who had seemingly already been staring him down. What an awkward bloke. “Try to look out a bit more, yeah?” he said with almost a snap to his tone, though he kept it more on the side of confidence rather than hostility. Maybe the slightest touch of hostility, yes, but nothing he felt was unwarranted.
All Oscar did was nod. “Mhm.” Is that all he says? Lando broke the eye contact they’d had going as he led Luna over towards the field of grass not too far from the main stable. It had been a bit of a rainy English summer, and so the grass was looking mint. Or, at least Lando thought so; he definitely wasn’t the one who would be munching on it, but from the way that Luna practically dragged him over to a nice patch, he was sure she thought the same.
There was a lot to think about. Lando sort of wished he could be like Luna. She did her job and got rewarded for it, not exactly having to think too far outside the box. A life that simple sounded increasingly appealing when things came down to it. Kicking his foot a bit to try to quell the dull throbbing, he leaned up against his horse’s shoulder, which she took with no protest since the grass was far more appealing than denying her owner a place to rest. Maybe that was the key to it all - living for the reward and nothing else.
And maybe that was his issue, in that he got too caught up in whatever came between the work and the reward. That anxiety that crept up on him, that searing lack of confidence when he thought about everything he’d been through. It was quite possible that it was all just a part of the process that he needed to find a way to leave behind.
That sounded a lot easier in theory than in practice. Breathing out through his nose, he looked back towards the stable just in time to catch Oscar leading his horse out of the front entrance. Wherever he was headed, it wasn’t towards Lando, which was somewhat of a relief. He had no intention of being social at that moment, especially with the guy he’d already had enough run-ins with. Though they’d barely gotten to know each other in the time that Oscar had been at the yard for, that unflinching attitude of his was becoming both a source of jealousy and slight disdain for Lando. He questioned why exactly he was judging the young man so harshly when they’d barely shared more than a few sentences, but it was curious, his whole demeanor. In some weird sense, Lando wanted to know more.