Chapter Text
After the battle was won and the dust started to settle, Rumi felt the elation and the relief of their success drain out of her.
She closed the bathroom door behind herself, stumbling towards the sink. She clutched her eyes shut, knowing what she would see the moment she opened them. Her iridescent patterns seemed to be now dormant, and had faded into a pale off-white color that could almost pass as scar tissue. The parts of herself she had not managed to fix.
She tried to think about that last moment with Mira and Zoey. She tried to hold onto it, onto the way they had embraced her, like it was okay, like they could accept her, like they could look past the lies that had opened a chasm between them.
Her eyes watered, her body felt heavy and sore, her chest felt like it was caving in. She had thought maybe after winning, after defeating Gwi-Ma, she would be able to accept herself, love herself in all the ways Celine never could. But the moment the adrenaline crashed, the moment the threat was contained and she was back to being alone, she started feeling just as before. Defective, monstrous, imperfect.
She avoided looking at the mirror as much as she could. She took off her clothes, leaving them messily strewn on the floor as she filled the tub, the water as hot as she could make it.
Her braid was mostly undone, a mess that reflected her inner turmoil. She ran her hands over it, allowing her hair to fall freely down her back before approaching the tub.
Steam raised from the water, and she knew without touching it that it would be painful. She clenched her jaw shut, her sight blurry with tears, and slipped inside the water. Soft whimpers spilled past her lips, her skin screaming in protest at the heat.
Rumi gasped through the pain, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs as sobs started to uncontrollably spill past her lips.
She thought of Mira and Zoey, the way their faces had twisted in horrified shock. The disappointment, the way their expressions had fallen at the sight of her. The way she had shattered their world and everything they had relied on.
She thought of Celine, how unbearable it was for her to look at Rumi’s patterns. How unfathomable it was for her to realize Rumi couldn't be fixed. How her solution to everything was for Rumi to go back to hiding, go back to lying. Celine couldn't love her, not all of her, and she hadn't even been able to deny it.
Rumi clutched her arms tightly, her sobs growing in intensity, her ribs feeling like they would crack against the pressure of her lungs as she tried to breathe. Her nails buried in the soft skin of her biceps, the sharp claws of her demonic hand easily splitting flesh and sending rivulets of blood down her arm.
She gasped through the stinging pain, she was unable to let go as the image of Jinu’s face flashed behind her eyes. His betrayal, his sacrifice. She was supposed to save him. She was supposed to free him. Instead, she had failed him, just like she failed everyone else.
She held onto the edges of the tub, allowing herself to fall back, her face slipping underwater. The pressure of the water against her ears muffled the noise in her mind, just slightly. Her sobs forcibly stopped with her inability to breathe.
For a moment everything was still, silent. The world was dark and vacant, a reflection of how she felt. She needed to breathe, she didn't want to get out. It was one or the other. The choice should have been easy, but it wasn't.
Her lungs screamed for air, for breath. Her hands clenched around the edges of the tub, her body struggling against her resolve to remain submerged.
She needed to emerge, but she couldn't. She didn't want to.
Eventually her panic started to ebb away, her consciousness slipping, dimming at the edges. Her hold around the tub loosened as she allowed herself to sink fully. The last of her remaining air floating up to the surface in tiny bubbles.
She didn't hear the knocks on the door. She didn't hear Mira’s voice calling her name. Softly at first, before the panic set in.
She didn't hear Mira shoulder the door open. The way the wood smacked against the wall, the lock broken, the door hanging from the one hinge that had survived the hit.
She didn't hear Mira run inside, but she did feel her hands as they reached for her and pulled her forcefully out of the water.
She gasped without meaning to, her body betraying her once again as she coughed, gulping in air fast, hard, starving for every breath.
Her vision took a moment to clear, her ears took a second longer to start filtering in sound, but when they did, Rumi's frazzled brain latched tightly onto the deep timber of Mira’s voice.
“Breathe, just like that. Breathe.” Mira's voice was a low whisper. Rumi could feel her hand on her back, a solid presence, moving up and down her wet skin.
Rumi didn't dare look up at her. Afraid of what she may see. Ashamed of the way Mira had found her. Tears spilled down her cheeks, faster than before. Her sobs rushed back to the surface, louder, stronger, now that she had enough air to fall apart further.
From the corner of her eyes she saw the blur of Mira standing up and stepping into the tub. Water sloshed over the edges, spilling as Mira sat behind Rumi.
Her arms, long and strong, wrapped around Rumi's body, bringing her back to rest flush against Mira's clothed chest. The dancer had stepped into the tub in her pajamas, not caring about the burning heat of the water.
“I'm here,” she said, her voice unwavering in Rumi's ear. Her hold tight, helping her contain everything that was unraveling.
Mira didn't shush her, didn't ask her to calm down, didn't tell her that everything was okay. She just held her firmly. She just didn't let go. And so, Rumi allowed herself to fall apart.
Her head fell back against Mira’s shoulder, her face twisted to the side, burying in the column of Mira's neck. And there, Rumi wailed.
She stopped trying to contain herself. She cried hard and loud, chest heaving painfully, tears mixing with the water, body shaking in Mira’s arms.
“I'm right here. I've got you,” Mira whispered. Leaning her head against Rumi's, tightening her hold even further. “I'll always be here. I won't leave.”
Rumi clutched her eyes shut, burying her face closer to Mira’s neck. Her hands scrambling to find Mira's forearms and holding tight onto her.
She didn't feel the claws of her demonic hand rip through the fabric of Mira's hoodie. She didn't feel the skin underneath split under her fingers. She remained blissfully unaware of the blood as it dissolved in the water.
Mira didn't pull away. She just held her closer. Rumi felt the beat of her heart right there against her back, echoing in her chest as Mira turned her head towards Rumi's and gently kissed her forehead.
“I'm here. I won't leave,” Mira insisted. And even though Rumi felt undeserving of her, of her presence and her comfort, she didn't have the strength to pull away.
The water cooled, her fingertips wrinkled, she breathed calmly as her head rested heavy against Mira's shoulder. It had grown silent in the bathroom a long time ago, but Mira didn't seem to be in a rush to move, and Rumi didn't think she had the strength to get up.
Her eyes felt too heavy to open. Her body was loose and comfortable in Mira's arms. The exhaustion of the last couple of weeks settled over her like a pile of bricks. She couldn't move.
Mira seemed to notice she was falling asleep, and only then did she move. Her hand cupped Rumi's cheek, her body moving sideways slightly so she could properly see Rumi's face.
Rumi hadn't noticed it as it was happening, she hadn't heard it in Mira's voice, but she had been crying as well. Rumi could see it in her eyes, they were too red and too swollen to open properly.
Rumi felt Mira's thumb caress her cheek, her eyes studying her face for a long moment. She felt the urge to look away, the shame simmering under her skin making her feel inadequate, uncomfortable, undeserving of the concern and the tenderness in Mira's eyes. But Mira only offered her a soft half smile, leaning in to press her lips against Rumi's forehead again, lips brushing over one of the iridescent patterns that moved down her hair line and towards her eyes. Rumi's eyes closed at the soft sensation, her body shivering in Mira's hold.
“Let's get you to bed, okay?” Mira asked. Rumi nodded, voice absent. Her throat felt raw and flayed from all the crying.
Mira stood first, her clothes soaked and dripping water all over the floor. She reached for a robe and some towels, hanging them on her shoulder before reaching for Rumi's hands. Mira pulled her up, Rumi's legs were wobbling dangerously so she didn't let go as she stepped out of the tub.
Once she was fully out, with both feet on the floor, her knees decided they had held her up long enough and crumbled beneath her. Mira was right there, her arms curling fast against Rumi's waist and supporting the entirety of her weight.
Rumi's head fell as well, too heavy for her neck to hold up and throbbing painfully. It dropped against Mira's shoulder before Rumi could stop it.
“I can't- I-” Rumi rasped, tears jumping to her eyes once more as she closed them. She was completely bare in front of Mira, vulnerable and helpless in ways she had never allowed herself to be before. She didn't want to think about it. She just couldn't.
“I know I don't deserve your trust after everything that happened tonight. I know I don't,” Mira said, not leaving room for doubt. Rumi frowned, her voice failing her, keeping her from saying anything. “I’m going to earn it again. I need you to let me earn it again. Let me hold you up, okay?”
Rumi used her remaining strength to offer a weak nod. Mira gripped Rumi's arms and lifted them around her neck. “Hold on to me,” she whispered. Rumi did as told as best as she could, feeling Mira wrap a towel securely around her body before sitting her down on the toilet.
Mura wrung out the excess of water from Rumi’s long hair, before towel drying it as best as she could. She then used another towel to softly pat dry Rumi's face. She did the same across her chest, over her shoulders and down her arms. Her movements were slow, gentle. Her focus and care prevented her from missing the halfmoon imprints on Rumi's left bicep, still oozing just a little bit of blood.
Mira didn't say a word about them. She just pressed the towel firmly against the small wounds until they stopped bleeding. She then went to retrieve the first aid kit under the sink and kneeled right by Rumi's side.
“The antiseptic will sting a little, okay?” She whispered, waiting for Rumi to nod again before applying it on the wounds. Rumi didn't react to the burning sensation that came with it, but Mira still blew over the cuts to take the edge off. She covered them with a strip of gauze and secured it with tape, before going back to helping dry Rumi's body as best as she could.
Once she was done, she stood up and reached for the hem of her soaked hoodie. Rumi moved her gaze to the floor, watching Mira's wet clothes drop.
She only looked up when Mira approached her again, now clad only in one of Rumi's dry robes. They were too short on the arms, exposing Mira's wrists. Rumi saw blood on one of the sleeves, but assumed it was hers.
One of Mira's arms moved under her knees, the other wrapped behind her back. Rumi did her best to lock her arms around her neck to make it easier. Mira lifted her slowly, gently, tucking her head down to rest against Rumi's and walking with her towards the bedroom. Mira set her down on the bed and moved towards the drawers. Pulling out some underwear, a thick hoodie and sleeping pants with teddy bears.
Mira helped her change quickly and efficiently before lifting Rumi's legs onto the bed and sitting behind her on the bed with a towel and Rumi's hair brush.
Rumi wanted to tell her she didn't have to do that. She wanted to tell Mira that she didn't have to do any of it, but no words came. Her throat grew tighter as she felt Mira's hands in her hair, trying to dry it a little further before she started brushing from the ends and up. Rumi wished she could tell her to stop, that she could tell her she didn't deserve it. That she should go and leave her alone so she could break some more in peace. But she was only human, she was weak, and her need for comfort roared louder than her desire to protect Mira from her sharp edges.
“I made some dinner. Noodles. Simple. I'll bring you a plate and some tea and then you are going to sleep, okay?” Mira said as she finished brushing Rumi’s hair. She stood up and pulled pillows behind her so she could lay back and rest in a semi-sitting position.
The last thing Rumi wanted was to eat, but she knew Mira wouldn't hear no for an answer. Rumi watched her as she covered Rumi's legs with the comforter, draping an extra blanket on top of her for good measure before stepping out.
Rumi stared at the wall in front of her, breathing deep and closing her eyes. Doing her best not to cry again. She was too much, she was being too much already and she didn't want to make it worse.
In minutes Mira was back. Rumi noticed she had changed into a sweater and sleeping shorts. She held a tray with a bowl, a glass of water, a cup of tea and a pill bottle.
“Take two for the headache,” Mira said as she placed the tray down on Rumi's lap. Her tone left no room for Rumi to deny. How did she know Rumi's head was hurting when she hadn't mentioned it was anyone’s guess.
Mira lingered for a moment longer before stepping out again.
Rumi thought she would be sick at the mere sight of the food, but she wasn’t. She took in the scent of it and recognized that Mira had made her favorite, she had warmed them up just enough so Rumi could eat them without burning her mouth.
She took her chopsticks, hand shaking, and tried to start eating. She willed her hold to steady after dropping her food onto her plate twice and didn't quite manage it.
The sound of the door opening again made her look up. Mira passed by with cleaning supplies, surely to clean up the mess the bathroom had turned into. Rumi felt her eyes water, in sadness, in shame, she didn't know, and eventually looked away.
She gave up on the food and wrapped both hands around the mug. The warmth of it soothed her nerves and seeped into her skin. She was careful as she lifted it to her lips, her hands hadn't steadied and she didn't want to make a mess of herself again. She managed a couple sips, bit by bit, and slowly her hands became more and more steady.
By the time she finished the tea her hands were steady enough for her to try again with the noodles.
Mira left the bathroom, balancing Rumi's laundry hamper against her hip, it was full to the brim with dirty clothes and all the towels they had used in the bath. On the other hand she held a bucket with a mop inside of it.
Rumi took the two pills Mira had told her to and put the tray on her bedside table, the noodles only half finished, she couldn't handle any more. She moved down on the bed, her head resting against the pillows as she curled up.
Mira walked in, taking the tray away before lying down on the empty side of Rumi's bed. Rumi didn't turn towards her, but she didn't ask her to leave either. Mira didn't invade her space, but she was close enough for Rumi to feel the dip on the mattress and the warmth of her body.
Mira had turned the lights off, but left the door open, so a little bit of light filtered in from outside, enough so they were not totally in the dark.
“Zoey?” Rumi managed to ask.
“She had two bowls of noodles and fell asleep on the couch. I put her to bed before coming to check on you. I checked again just now and she's okay, still asleep.”
Rumi nodded to herself, curling up tighter. She felt Mira move, and a moment later the comforter and the blankets were being pulled up higher and tucked around her shoulders.
“You don't have to stay,” Rumi managed to say. She meant it, she didn't expect Mira to let go of almost a decade of lies in one night. But her eyes still watered, her voice cracking at the possibility of Mira leaving.
“I'd like to stay,” Mira responded, her voice steady as it usually was. “Would you like me to go?”
Rumi felt something in her chest crack. She rolled onto her side, facing Mira, reaching out to clutch the fabric of her shirt.
“No. Don't leave, please.”
“I won't. I'll never leave. I promise.” Mira reached for her, tugging her closer. Rumi didn't hesitate, using all her strength to move closer to Mira. She buried her face against the long column of Mira's neck, her arm wrapping tightly around her waist as Mira held her fiercely in return, her arms tightening around Rumi's body. “Try to sleep, I'll be right here.”
Rumi nodded, unable to resist the pull of exhaustion. She breathed in the familiar scent of Mira's perfume, intertwined with fabric softener and a trace of something indescribably Mira, and in a matter of seconds she fell asleep.
Mira couldn't close her eyes. Her mind was racing and she couldn't get it to stop. She felt wired with panic and sorrow. Her anger vibrated under her skin, her guilt and her shame twisted around her spine, holding it in a vicious grip that barely allowed her to breathe.
She held onto Rumi, kept her safe in her arms. She tried as hard as she could to keep the incident from the bathroom filter in her mind. She knew exactly what Rumi had been trying to do, and she didn't want to think of how close she had been to succeed.
She removed a hand from Rumi's back and reached for her phone. She supported the weight of it on Rumi's back and lowered the brightness so it wouldn't bother her friend. She needed to do something before she drove herself crazy.
She opened her private chat with Bobby and started typing. She knew it was late, but she needed to do this.
Mira:
Hi, Bobby. The girls are beat after tonight. I know it's gonna be a mess with the network. Please, make sure no one bothers them. Text me instead, okay?
Bobby:
Hi, Mira. Do you girls need anything? Please let me know! I'm not sure it can be done. I can get Zoey off the hook easily, but Rumi is the leader and the one that usually handles things with the execs… I'm not sure I can't stop them from reaching out, especially with how unclear things are after tonight. There's rumours running wild about a break up…
Mira sighed, her hand briefly moving to hold protectively onto the back of Rumi's head. She was in no state to deal with the network.
Mira:
I get it. Believe me, I do. But tonight was a lot on Rumi. I need you to help me protect her. She needs to rest and to process. And she can't do that with people breathing down her neck. Make sure she's left alone. Redirect everyone to me. Call me for anything. I can do this. I will do this for her. Tell everyone that we are not breaking up. You and I can meet up early tomorrow, figure out how to spin this. But leave Rumi out of this, Bobby.
Bobby:
You are really worrying me, Mira. Should I come over? I can be there in 10 if you need me. I'll do my best so no one bothers Rumi, you might want to check her phone, as she might have been contacted already. Yes, let's meet at 8:00, the network already scheduled an emergency meeting, I'll have it pushed to 10:00 so we can talk beforehand. I'll pick you up.
Mira turned her head, burying her nose in Rumi's hair and closing her eyes in relief. She didn't know what they would do without Bobby.
Mira:
I've got her, Bobby. She's asleep and doing ok right now. No need to come, thanks for offering, though. Perfect. I'll see you tomorrow.
Bobby sent one last goodnight text. Mira reacted to it with a heart emoji and went to check her unread messages. She noticed right away she had a bunch of missed calls from Celine and an unread message.
Celine:
Mira, Rumi is not answering her phone. Is she okay? We need to talk about what happened tonight.
Mira:
She's okay. Asleep. Rough night.
Mira responded, unsure if Celine would answer, considering how late it was. She was surprised to see the text bubble appear immediately on the screen, as if Celine had been staring at her phone waiting for someone to answer.
Celine:
Okay. I'm glad you are all safe. I need to see you as soon as possible, it's important.
Mira frowned, annoyed at Celine’s insistence. The last thing Rumi needed was to hear a lecture about their not-golden-honmoon.
Mira:
Rumi needs to rest. I'm sure it can wait a couple days.
Celine:
I meant Zoey and you. I need to talk to you alone. It's about Rumi, it's important, and it can't wait.
Mira's frown deepened, she knew that couldn't mean anything good. She thought about that night, the bathroom incident, and she knew Rumi could not be left alone.
Mira:
I'm not comfortable leaving Rumi alone right now. I have a couple meetings tomorrow, I can meet you after. Zoey stays with Rumi.
Celine:
Agreed. Come directly to the house when you are done.
Mira reacted to the text with a thumbs up emoji and turned off the screen of her phone. She wrapped her arms around Rumi once more, her eyes open and staring up at the ceiling. They were swollen and sore, hurting like they never had before. She was exhausted, her body heavy and stiff, accumulating tension by the second. She was too anxious to sleep. She was scared for Rumi, for what she was capable of doing while being in so much pain.
She was scared of falling asleep, terrified of the possibility of Rumi waking up and attempting to finish what she started. Mira was afraid of waking up and finding Rumi gone, never to return.
She couldn't sleep, wouldn't, and so she held Rumi all through the night. Mira soothed her back to sleep whenever Rumi would wither in her arms, shaking and trembling, face twisted in agony. Mira would hold tighter, whisper quiet reassurances, hum songs until Rumi was back in a deep slumber.
She didn't move, not until the clock hit 6:00AM. She needed to get ready to leave and she needed to talk to Zoey.
She slipped out of bed as carefully as she could, doing her best not to jostle Rumi too much. She covered her properly with the blankets and made sure the curtains were fully closed over the floor to ceiling windows. Then, she grabbed her phone and Rumi's and walked quietly out of the room, leaving the door open a crack.
Surprisingly, she found Zoey leaning against the counter, having some water. The maknae looked deep in thought, brows furrowed, eyes lost in the surface of the water.
Mira walked over to her, placing a hand gently on Zoey’s back. The rapper jumped away from her touch, her eyes avoiding Mira’s. Mira flinched, moving her hand away quickly.
Zoey kept her jaw clenched shut, her posture closed off. It was clear that she had no intention to talk to Mira, she could see it in the distance the maknae put between them, in the way she curled further into herself, keeping Mira out.
“Something happened last night with Rumi,” Mira started, hoping Zoey would at least listen. The dancer walked over to the fridge, taking out a bag of frozen strawberries. She had been trying to ignore it, but her shoulder had been pulsing with pain ever since she used it to throw open Rumi's bathroom door. “I found her submerged in the bathtub. She didn't seem to want to come out.”
“What?” Zoey asked, her eyes wide, her bottom lip wobbling dangerously. Mira swallowed hard.
“I went to check on her and she wouldn't open the door. I threw it open,” Mira said, pressing the frozen berries against her shoulder. “I had to pull her up for air.” Mira's voice broke, she had to look away from Zoey's eyes. If she saw the rapper cry she would break, she would dissolve into sobs right there, and she couldn't allow that. She had things to do, for her girls. “I need to go out. I need you to stay with her.”
“You are leaving? Again?” Zoey snapped. Her face twisted in a mix of sadness and anger.
There's no we, Zoey!
“Rumi needs us! This is not the time for you to turn your back on us!” Zoey exclaimed, her voice raising in volume.
Mira winced, her chin shaking as she attempted not to cry. She didn't say anything for a long moment. She deserved that. She had gotten it all wrong. Pointing her weapon at Rumi, walking away from Zoey. All this anger, all this hatred from Zoey, she deserved it.
“It's the network. They are losing it because of what happened last night. Rumi is in no state to face them right now, but they will make her if I don't go and try to fix it, calm them down, something…” Mira trailed off, relaxing just slightly when she saw some of the anger filter out of Zoey’s expression. “I don't know how long it's gonna take, and considering the bathroom incident I don't think Rumi should be on her own. I was thinking I could go meet the suits and you could stay and look after Rumi.”
Zoey nodded in understanding, her posture relaxing just so. “Okay. I'll go lay down with her.”
“I'll go shower, I'll leave breakfast ready for when she gets up. She didn't eat much last night.”
“I'll try to have her finish her plate,” Zoey said, resolute. Without another word Zoey went to her bedroom, Mira watched her leave a couple seconds later clutching her turtle plushie to her chest with one arm and a blanket with the other.
Mira put the berries back in the fridge and walked to her bathroom. She removed her clothes and stared at her reflection in the mirror for long seconds. Her left shoulder was bruised, lower, in her forearm, there was a long strip of gauze, streaked pink with blood. She removed it slowly, hissing at the sting of it. Five cuts, two inches long, one for each of Rumi's fingers. They were deep enough to require stitches, but not deep enough to be dangerous. There was no way she was going to the hospital, so they would have to close on their own. She would have to wear long sleeves for a couple weeks, there was no way she was letting Rumi feel guilty about them.
She slipped into the shower, the water as cold as she could make it. The warm water would have only been a reminder of Rumi and the bathtub. She couldn't go there, she needed to keep moving. She couldn't break, not until her girls were safe and okay.
She showered quickly, keeping a tight leash on her thoughts. She made mental lists of everything she needed to do, she needed to focus on each step, like a dance.
She dried herself quickly and used the medkit to tend to the cuts in her arm. She applied antibiotic cream on them before covering them with gauze and tape. Then she moved back to the bedroom. She put on some jeans and a thick black sweater, making a mental note not to lift her sleeves for any reason. She did her make up, putting extreme care and focus on covering the dark bags under her eyes. Things needed to seem okay if she were to be photographed. She could only imagine the headlines about her crying, that just couldn't happen.
She grabbed her sunglasses and black cap, putting her keys and phone in her jean pockets before leaving the room. She had just enough time to make her girls breakfast before Bobby came to pick her up.
She had just finished cooking when she remembered she still had to check Rumi's phone. It was password protected, because of course it was. Mira tried a combination of numbers, getting it right on the third try. She needed to talk to Rumi about using the same passwords for all things, that would probably get them hacked one day.
As Bobby had said, Rumi already had a bunch of missed calls, emails and messages. She erased them all, making sure to empty the trashcan so Rumi wouldn't notice.
She was finishing erasing all the messages when her own phone vibrated in her pocket. It was Bobby, saying he was five minutes away.
Mira put on her cap and glasses and walked quietly to Rumi's bedroom. The leader of the group was sleeping soundly, curled on her side, just where Mira had left her. Zoey was next to her, watching her as she clutched her turtle plushie in her hand.
“I'm going. Breakfast is ready. Don't leave her alone for anything, okay? Call me if anything happens,” Mira whispered. Zoey nodded. “Her phone. I asked Bobby to make sure everyone backs off, so no one should bother her. Still, don't give it to her unless she asks, our socials are a whole other mess.” Mira offered the device to Zoey, who took it and hid it under her pillow.
“Don't take long,” Zoey said, her voice rough and cracking. “She needs us both.”
“I'll do my best,” Mira said, giving Rumi one last look before leaving.
The drive with Bobby was quiet, none of them going past greetings until they made it to a café. Bobby had reserved a private booth towards the back, hidden from curious eyes.
Bobby offered to get her breakfast, but Mira denied, she couldn't stomach anything. She just ordered some tea, while Bobby ordered a coffee.
“How are you and the girls?” Was the first question out of Bobby’s mouth, Mira could feel the concern in his voice and her throat got a little tight.
Mira very deliberately answered without making any mention of how she felt. “Zoey and Rumi were still in bed when I left. It was a tough night, but we are trying to handle it together. Rumi had it really bad last night, that's why I need you to help me keep her safe.”
“What happened last night? It was all so confusing. I mean I saw you and Zoey on stage with Rumi, but the crew tells me they saw you backstage?”
Mira had been thinking about what she would say all night. She just hoped she would be convincing enough and that Bobby could look past the gaps in the story.
“The Saja Boys tampered with our performance, Bobby. Those people on stage with Rumi were not us, we were backstage waiting for our cue to go back in,” Mira explained. “I don't know who those people were, some kind of body doubles, I can't say for sure.” She couldn't exactly say they were demons impersonating them. “They sabotaged us, wanted to make it look like we were fighting, and wanted to humiliate Rumi. We weren't even going to perform Takedown, none of it was supposed to happen. They ruined our performance to then elevate theirs.”
Bobby nodded slowly, his eyes lighting up with understanding. “So you girls weren't actually fighting? The group is not breaking up?”
“We are having some problems. Zoey and I found out that Rumi has been hiding some important things from us. We didn't react the best way. But we love Rumi, we wouldn't hurt her or humiliate her on stage like that. We are talking things out and we are going to be okay. We are definitely not breaking up,” Mira promised.
“Is it related to those marks she has?” Bobby asked. “They are not tattoos, right? The suits are going crazy about Rumi ruining her image,” Bobby said, his tone souring as he used quotation marks in his last words.
“No. They are not tattoos. She's had them since birth, Bobby, they have been growing with time. She tried to hide them, afraid of what people would say, afraid of ruining our image. But she can't hide them anymore, they are a part of her. We don't know exactly how they affect her, but they aren't hurting her and that's all that matters. She didn't choose this for herself and shouldn't be punished for it.”
Bobby nodded, a worried frown on his face. “Should we consult a doctor? If this is some sort of medical condition… I just want to make sure it's not dangerous.”
“It isn't, like I said, she's always had them. Now there's just too many to be covered. It seems to be rare, we haven't found a lot of info about it and Rumi is very sensitive, so it's best if we just leave it alone.” Mira shut it down quickly, not wanting to continue that line of questioning.
“Understood. The network wants us to take control of the narrative sooner rather than later. Today, if possible. How would you like to spin this? I understand what you mentioned earlier, but we can't say the Saja Boys sabotaged your performance, not when they have basically gone off the radar and we have no proof. There’s also the fact that there’s no proper footage of the rest of the night. Your fight on stage seems to be the last thing recorded, and even that is blurry. Something blew up the lights, messed up with the amps and the signals. All electronic devices stopped working,” Bobby explained, looking distressed. Mira had an explanation she couldn’t give, afterall, she couldn’t openly blame it on Rumi’s demonic screaming. “What’s worse is the after, no one fully remembers what happened, people don’t know how they got to Namsan Tower. They are saying the Saja Boys used some kind of mass hypnosis?” Bobby’s distress had shifted into full blown fear. “Online the consensus seems to be that people remember nothing, just seeing you on stage and the melody of a song that hasn’t even been recorded. The last proper memory is the Huntr/x on stage break up, then blank, then you guys singing on stage.” He looked confused, and Mira knew this was also his experience, she couldn’t imagine how disturbing it was to have a gap like that in your memory.
Mira was glad to have spent the night awake thinking about these things. She had something that she thought both Bobby and the network would accept.
“I don’t know what to tell you about how we all got to that tower, Bobby,” Mira lied, she remembered damn well what Gwi-Ma had been whispering in her ear. “We are not sure how we got there either. The song playing during the fight was ‘Takedown’. You saw us rehearsing it, but we weren’t even sure we were going to release it. We wrote it, yes, but after some reflection we realized it didn’t fit us. The other song we sang that night is ‘What it sounds like’, I’m not sure how it happened either, it's blurry but we seemed to have improvised it on the spot, it’s not properly recorded yet.”
“I understand you might be unsure about releasing Takedown, but that’s not gonna fly with the label, Mira,” Bobby shook his head. “There’s clips online with the beginning of the song playing in the background, and this business is about money. The song was produced and recorded and the label has rights over it, and there’s already a part of it circulating online, people who have isolated the track and posted it. There needs to be an official release. That’s not going to be something we can avoid.”
Mira ran a hand down her face, frustrated. She wasn’t sure Rumi could sing that song again. That stupid song, they shouldn’t have kept pushing for it when Rumi had clearly hated it. Just another one of Mira’s mistakes.
“You are sure scrapping that song altogether is non-negotiable?” She asked, just to make sure.
“Completely sure, the suits have refrained from launching it themselves because there’s no music video. The original plan was to use the Idol Awards presentation for the video, but it was changed to Golden last minute, so now there’s nothing for Takedown.”
“Have them do a lyric video, or have our editors compile footage from concerts and use it for the video,” Mira said, there was no way she was letting anyone force Rumi to sing that song or dance that choreo again. “Let’s get creative with it. Release the track and let the fans create their own music videos, make it a competition, the best edit becomes the official.”
“That’s brilliant!” Bobby exclaimed, already typing the idea down on his phone to present it later. “What about singing it live?”
“Never,” Mira said, the word coming out fast and sharp, leaving no room for argument.”I need you to stand on this with me, Bobby. The label might make buckets of money from it, but we are not going to be singing this live. They can’t force us. Let it be streamed as much as the fans want, let the contest for the final cut of the video cover all of the promo, but we are not singing it live under any circumstance.”
“Got it,” Bobby said, a little tense. Mira knew why, he could support her, but in the end the suits would make the last call. “How would you like to handle everything else?”
Mira took a deep breath, ready to begin with the story she had been crafting since the night before.
“We make this a story, a prelude for our new album. Takedown can be a metaphor for what we feel the public and the media do to us, they turn us into something ugly, they fill us with ideas that are not true, but we see them everywhere, they are shoved on our faces from all sides until it becomes hard for us to tell what's true and what isn't,” Mira started, hoping that Bobby would follow along. He nodded quickly, his eyes brightening as his mind started to work at lightning speed.
“The fight can be a reflection of the unhinged media rumours that claim that you don't truly like each other. That behind the scenes you hate each other, that you and Zoey are envious of Rumi because she's the one with the most lines and the biggest fan base. They force you to tear each other apart and refuse to see the truth, that you love each other,” Bobby said, tying his idea seamlessly to Mira's.
“Yes. Exactly. That's what Takedown represents, and then, as our answer, What it sounds like. A song about acceptance, love, unconditional support, dedicated to each other more than any other track ever has. That song is our truth. No one can tear us apart, not the Saja Boys, not the media, not the ill intended fans.”
“Good, perfect!” Bobby said, some relief filtering in his voice. “And this is just a taste of the album to come. The most personal album of all, about your relationship to each other, your bond, the love that has built over the years and that cannot be destroyed.”
Mira looked up. A lightbulb going off in her head. “Unbreakable.”
“Love it!” Bobby said, excited, as he typed furiously in his phone. “You are sure the girls are gonna be on board with this. I mean, the name of an album is a big deal.”
Mira sighed. She was actually not sure. Zoey was angry with her and Rumi couldn't possibly trust her after she had pulled her blade on her.
“Let me call them real quick,” Mira said.
“Okay, I'll go take care of the check and bring the car around, we are cutting it close to the meeting,” Bobby said, standing up and walking away.
Mira texted Zoey first, asking if Rumi was awake. Zoey texted back immediately, saying that she had just woken up and they were watching a movie in the living room while they had breakfast.
Mira didn't respond, calling instead.
“Hi,” Zoey said, voice dry and short. Mira winced.
“Hi, can you put me on speaker? I need to talk to you both,” Mira said.
“Okay. We are listening,” Zoey said after a second.
“The network wants to take control of the narrative fast, before things spin out of control even more. I’m meeting them in a few minutes and I wanted to know if you trust me to make the right decisions to protect us and our image.”
The silence that came from the other line made Mira's eyes burn. Her chest ached with the urge to cry and her throat closed to keep a sob from escaping. She knew well that yesterday they would have both said yes in a heart beat.
“What do you plan to say about my patterns?” Rumi asked, her voice quiet and raw from all the crying she had done the night before.
“We wanted to get as close to the truth as possible. We plan to say you have had them since birth and that they have been spreading with time. That it seems to be a rare condition, not dangerous, but that it has made you feel insecure and self conscious, and that you would like some space to process now that they have spread enough for you to be unable to hide them,” Mira explained. “We considered tattoos, but our network doesn't allow them, and saying you went and got tattoos without company approval would be a contract breach. There's also broadcast restrictions because of cultural views on tattoos. It would just cause more problems than saying the truth, they are birthmarks, you didn't choose them, and you should not be punished for something you can't control.”
It took a second, Mira could hear Rumi's shallow breathing from the other end and Zoey's quiet reassurances.
“Okay,” Rumi eventually said, her voice noticeably wet. “Thanks, Mira.”
“It's okay,” Mira whispered softly. “I just need to know if you both will support whatever decisions I have to make during the meeting with the suits. Bobby and I are building a story, we think it can work in our favor. I have to go to the meeting now, so I just need to know…” Mira trailed off, feeling her voice starting to fade. They had not said yes immediately, and the weight of their doubt was breaking her heart.
“Yes, I'll support any decisions you make,” Rumi said first. Mira let out a shuddering breath.
“Zoey?” She asked, attempting to keep her voice steady.
“I don't trust you right now, Mira. But I know Bobby wouldn't let anything harm us, if he is on board with the plan and if Rumi is gonna support your decisions then I guess I will too,” Zoey said, her voice flat, harsh against Mira's ear. She had never heard her so mad and so hurt.
“Zoey?” Rumi's voice was clouded in shock, it carried surprise and a reprimand all at once. It was clear that she couldn't wrap her head around what Zoey had just said.
“It's okay, Ru. Don't worry about it. I get it,” Mira said quickly, a couple tears slipping down her cheeks. “I need to go now, but I'll be home soon, I'll bring lunch.”
Mira hung up before either of the girls could say anything else. She dabbed at her eyes with a napkin, doing her best not to ruin her make up. She pulled her cap down to further shield her eyes and walked out, Bobby waited by the curb. Mira got into the car and in seconds they were driving away.
“Zo,” Rumi whispered, the shock still vibrating in her chest as she stared at the phone in Zoey's hand. “What was that?”
Zoey looked away, focusing her gaze back on the TV.
“I don't want to talk about it, Rumi.” She dropped her phone and reached to grab her plate. Rumi could only stare, clutching the blanket thrown over her lap, it smelled faintly like Mira's perfume, it kept her grounded. The memory of Mira holding her all through the night was probably the only thing keeping her together, that and the warmth of Zoey's body sitting next to hers.
“I understand not wanting to talk, but I just need to understand. What happened with you and Mira?” Rumi asked. Zoey clenched her jaw, keeping her eyes on the screen.
“Everything was falling apart. I reached for her and she walked away, she left me.” Zoey's chin trembled dangerously, a few tears slipping down the corner of her eyes. “I know you felt you needed to hide, and I understand why. The distance you put between us, I get it and I don't blame you. But that distance pushed Mira and I closer. And then she just- she told me we were nothing! I just- I-”
There's no we, Zoey!
Rumi watched as her friend dissolved into sobs, she moved closer and wrapped her arms around Zoey's shoulders, hugging her to her chest.
“I'm sure she didn't mean it, Zo,” Rumi whispered, feeling Zoey's tears soak the fabric of her hoodie. “Gwi-Ma was whispering in her ear. She thought she had lost her family, Zo. Again. Her words that night, they are not the truth. I'm sure about that.”
“She left me!” Zoey cried and Rumi knew she didn't have the capacity to listen, not at that moment. She clutched Zoey tighter against her chest, whispering reassuring words as she rubbed her hand up and down Zoey's back.
“We are gonna fix it, okay? You, Mira and I, we are gonna fix it.” Rumi struggled to believe the words as she said them. She couldn't know if that was the truth, she didn't trust it. She didn't trust that Mira and Zoey could love her and accept her as she was, not when she was the thing they had been trained to hate and kill. But she still said the words, even if they felt like lies, figuring that saying them out loud wouldn't be so bad if they helped Zoey calm down.
“We are going to be okay?” Zoey asked, pulling back to look into Rumi's eyes.
The leader smiled, nodded, almost in reflex. She tried hard not to think about the relief she had felt the night before, with her head under water, when she thought the pain would finally stop. She tried not to think about how badly she wanted everything to be over, about the peace she felt when she thought Celine's mistake would finally be fixed.
And so, she looked into Zoey's eyes and she lied. “Yes, Zo. We're gonna be okay.”
Zoey nodded, her eyes wide and hopeful. She clung onto Rumi's shoulders, holding her tight and close. Rumi returned the embrace just as fiercely and closed her eyes. She needed to breathe, she needed to try, and more than anything, she needed to hope things would be okay.