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Chapter Text

The room was exactly what Mira was told it would be. Tucked deep in a wing of the hospital that had very little foot traffic, big windows, walls that weren't white or beige but a pale green instead. There were very few machines and a dimmer instead of a regular light switch.

There was an armchair that could fold back into a bed, a chair, a small table, a T.V… Things that made it feel like an odd hybrid between a cheap hotel room and a true hospital room. 

It became even more familiar when Celine and Zoey started pulling out things from home. They made the bed with Mira's sheets, blankets and pillows; Rumi’s Teddy and Zoey's Mr. Turtlestein were tucked right there, waiting for her. 

Celine plugged in a small humidifier that the nurses had reluctantly agreed to, and the antiseptic smell was almost completely covered by the scent of lavender oil. Mira breathed it in as best as she could, Rumi's face popping into her brain. She would have found it comforting, but she was too tired to feel anything remotely pleasant.

Dr. Park coordinated all the doctors assigned to Mira’s care and remained present for most consults and diagnostic procedures. Her presence softened the edges of the hospital as Mira couldn’t see her as just a doctor, not when she had seen the woman walking around the penthouse in sweatpants, with her hair in a messy bun and an easy smile. 

Mira's brain had started thinking about her in terms of Celine's girlfriend instead of doctor, which helped a lot. 

“Okay, let's talk about your results, Mira,” Dr. Park said, pulling the chair close to the side of the bed and sitting down. 

Zoey looked away from Mira for the first time since they had arrived. She was sitting on the bed, her hand squeezing Mira's own constantly. There was a soft tremble to her fingers that didn't seem to ease no matter how Mira reciprocated each squeeze.

Celine stood at the very foot of the bed, posture straight, face blank but for a small frown that seemed permanently etched on her forehead. 

“Let's begin with the brain scans,” Dr. Park started. “There seem to be no complications, no bleeding, no significant swelling. You are still presenting with common concussion symptoms so we will remain on the safe side, do constant neuro checks, avoid heavy sedation, keep the lights low and keep the space very calm. It will take some time for them to go away, but the best we can do for that is make sure you rest, both physically and mentally, maybe do a repeat scan in a couple days just to be safe.” 

“That's good, right?” Zoey interrupted shyly, her fingers interlocking with Mira's own. Mira offered her a small smile and a nod.

“Yes, very good!” Dr. Park offered. “Head injuries can be tricky so it's very good that nothing is showing up on the scan. We'll keep an eye on it, but right now there’s no reason for concern.” 

“What did the ENT say?” Celine then asked, her eyes on Mira's neck. 

The lightness of Dr. Park's expression faded just the slightest bit. She looked at Mira, talking to her directly.

“We perceived some bruising and swelling, which we expected considering the lingering raspiness in your voice and discomfort when swallowing,” Dr. Park explained, using her tablet to show Mira some of the images and then offering a look to Celine and Zoey. 

“Her voice…” Zoey whispered, hesitant. Her nervous gaze fell on Mira before moving to Dr. Park. “What does that mean? Will she be able to sing again?” 

“We believe Mira will sing again, yes,” Dr. Park said, offering Mira a small reassuring smile. “She just needs time, rest, and therapy with speech pathology. We cannot make promises, but we didn't detect tears, nerve damage, or fractures, so it's very possible that she can sing again in a couple months.” 

“See,” Mira said, squeezing Zoey's hand. “It's okay.” 

Before Zoey could protest, Celine cut in. 

“And her breathing?” 

Dr. Park took a breath, pushing her chair back slightly so she could address the three of them.

“Now, here things get a little tricky,” she started, clicking off the screen of her tablet and placing it on the bed. “A couple days ago we had a high risk moment, Mira's airway was almost completely swollen shut, so much so I felt intubation was imminent. It was attacked aggressively with steroids and we were able to hold off on intubation. We are at a point where we need to start tapering Mira off from her steroid treatment. We need to make sure she can go at least 48 hours without requiring an emergency steroid dose, and we need to do everything we can to avoid rebound swelling.” 

“Okay.” Celine nodded, arms crossed tight across her chest. “What's the tricky part?” 

“We detected two non displaced rib fractures, so we need to balance giving her enough pain medication so she can keep her oxygen levels up, while also avoiding deep sedation, as it is not recommended with concussed patients. We also need to taper off the steroids while avoiding rebound swelling,” Dr. Park explained, giving Mira a soft look. “We need balance. The team is ready, we will watch and we will adapt depending on how her body reacts.”

“That really doesn't sound good,” Zoey said, her worried face fixing on Mira once more. 

“Hey, it's gonna be fine,” Mira said, voice raspy and low. 

“Is it?” Celine asked, her eyes on the doctor.

“We will remain observant and careful. Through the I.V we are delivering pain meds, hydration, and nausea medication.” The doctor said, gesturing to the needle tapped to the inside of Mira’s arm. “We'll keep her on the nasal cannula to make sure she receives all the oxygen she needs. And we will do sessions with a humidified oxygen mask to soothe her vocal cords,” Dr. Park said, laying out the plan as clearly as she could. “Ultimately, I feel coming in was the best decision.” She smiled at Mira once more, putting a hand on her arm and giving a soft pat. “Should anything get complicated we can intervene quickly.” 

“Thank you,” Celine said, offering Dr. Park a tiny nod and a minuscule twitch of her lips. “What about the rest?”

“Everything else is minor. Uncomfortable but non life threatening. Deep bruising on the shoulder from the fall, the X-Ray showed no fractures there. Lacerations on her upper chest and shoulder, stitches are holding nicely and there's no sign of infection. Her nails were hurt and it's going to be uncomfortable, but we have kept them clean… It's a lot when stacked together, but there's nothing much to do but wait them out, keep it all clean, make sure nothing gets infected.”

“I feel fine,” Mira whispered, voice raspy, her eyes hooded and glassy. 

Dr. Park nodded in response, a slight tension at the corner of her eyes. Celine knew they couldn't believe that.

“We'll take good care of you,” the doctor decided on saying, choosing not to challenge what Mira had said. “Like I mentioned to Mira earlier, I'll be here at night to keep her company. I've gotten some of the best nurses and doctors in her team. We'll keep the staff at the very minimum and no one will do anything without you knowing and authorizing it.”

“You'll be here at night?” Zoey asked, eyes wide and wet. 

Dr. Park nodded firmly. “Every night, yes. I'm on the night shift. I wanted to make sure Mira would have at least one familiar face around.” 

“That's amazing. Thank you so much!” Zoey said, moving fast and offering the doctor a quick tight hug. 

“Oh!” Dr. Park exclaimed, surprised but reciprocating quickly. “I’m happy to do it,” she said as Zoey pulled away. “I'll give you guys a moment. Dr. Lee is scheduled to come in a little bit. Let me know if you need anything.” 

Celine stepped close to the door, intercepting the doctor before she could leave. She tilted her head down, finding Su-Jin’s eyes and reaching to squeeze her hand.

“I'm very grateful, I mean that,” Celine said.

“I appreciate that you trust me with her,” Su-Jin responded. “I mean that.” 

Celine nodded, holding onto the woman's hand for one more second.

“I need you to sit with me for ten minutes, have a full meal,” Su-Jin said, voice low, making sure Zoey and Mira wouldn't hear her. 

Celine sighed, her gaze lifting up to the girls. Zoey was tucking Mr. Turtlestein under Mira's good arm.

“Celine,” Su-Jin insisted. “Ten minutes.”

“Okay,” she finally said. “After Dr. Lee makes her assessment.”

“Of course. I'll come find you,” Su-Jin whispered, her grip loosening around Celine's hand but not quite letting go. 

“Okay,” Celine whispered, she looked down at their interlocked hands and struggled to step back. The seconds passed one after the other and she just… held on.

“Hey, Celine-” Su-Jin said, worried.

Celine let out a shuddering breath and fully stepped back.

“You can go, I'll be here.”

Su-Jin hesitated, but finally nodded. As she walked by, she turned to the side, brief, quick, invisible for anyone that wasn't paying attention, and brushed a kiss on Celine's shoulder.

Celine felt something loosen in her chest, just a little bit.

From the bed, Mira arched an eyebrow. Her mouth curled just a bit on the side, tugging at the stitches on her lip.

“Only god knows how you pulled that off.” 

Zoey let out a soft giggle before trying to hide it behind her hand.

Celine leaned against the foot of the bed, arms crossed, a small smile on her face.

“Agreed.” 

“Dr. Lee mentioned there will be a psychiatry consult,” Celine said, sitting on the chair next to the bed once Zoey stepped out for a quick trip to the cafeteria. 

Her hand rested on Mira's mattress, inches away from Mira's bandaged fingers.

“I'm not going to kill myself,” Mira said, her voice flat of affect, her gaze steady on Celine's.

The woman waited for a moment, holding Mira's gaze, wanting to see if she would look away. Mira didn't.

“Why?” Celine asked.

Mira blinked, the question taking a second to land. “Why I won't kill myself?”

“Yes. I'd like to know your reasons for sticking around.” 

Mira didn't answer right away. She took a moment, the line of her jaw tensing.

“I'm waiting,” Celine pushed. Mira looked away, avoiding her gaze. “What? Trying to find the right answer?” 

Mira clutched the turtle plush to her side with her good hand. Her fingers then locked around one of Teddy's ears, pulling him close too.

Celine leaned back on her chair, sighing. The answer was right there.

“I don't want the perfect answer. I want the truth,” Celine continued. “Whatever it is, I can take it.”

Mira didn't look back at her, not yet. When she responded, Celine almost wished she hadn't asked.

“You don't want perfect? That's news to me.” 

Celine's heart clenched in her chest. It would have been more painful if Mira had looked her in the eye as she said it, but she refused to and so Celine knew it was an attempt to deflect. 

“I was wrong. I know that,” Celine said, trying to keep her voice steady. “If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, don't. But I'm going to be here. And we are getting that consultation even if you don't want it. I refuse to lose you, do you understand?”

Mira turned to look at her then, eyes moist but refusing to let tears fall. Her bandaged fingers lifted as she gently placed them on top of Celine's hand.

Celine flipped her hand under Mira's, gave it a gentle squeeze, making sure she wouldn't hurt her. “Why can't you be honest with me?” 

“Because I was already ruined before I met you. And I don't know what to do with it,” Mira responded, tired.

Celine leaned closer, her free hand coming to rest on Mira's head, her thumb gently caressing her temple. 

“It would never occur to me to use that word to describe you.” 

The words hung in the air for a long moment. Celine's eyes on Mira's, her thumb pressing gently against the side of her face.

Mira didn't move, didn't respond. Couldn't.

Celine didn't rush to fill the silence. 

A few minutes later, Dr. Lee knocked on the door, stepping inside just a moment after.

Celine stood up, fixing blankets that didn't need to be fixed.

“I'll be right outside.”

Mira nodded, her eyes not moving away from Celine until the door closed.

Dr. Lee waited for Celine to step out before addressing Mira directly.

“Hi, Mira,” she said, her tone calm, neutral. “I’m Dr. Lee. We’ve met briefly before.”

Mira nodded from the bed. The movement was small, careful. Her body remained mostly still, shoulders slightly hunched, caved in. Her bad arm was kept close to her chest in a protective manner. There was probably some pain. Dr. Lee took note of her breathing pattern, deliberate, controlled. She glanced at the I.V and made a mental note to make sure Mira was given enough pain relief.

She took a hold of the chair, pulling it back just slightly, making sure she wouldn’t be sitting as close as Celine had been, but not too far either. She placed a slim folder on her lap but didn’t open it yet.

“I’d like to check in with you,” she continued. “Is this a good time?”

She expected a no, some hesitation, even maybe mild irritation. She got a small nod instead. Compliance. 

Mira’s gaze stayed on her, steady but… distant. Like she was looking at the conversation through a plane of glass.

Dr. Lee noticed the plush toys tucked against her side. One from Zoey. One from Rumi. None truly her own.

“Before we begin,” Dr. Lee said, “I want you to know that you’re not in trouble. This isn’t an interrogation. My role is to understand how you’re doing and figure out how we can keep you safe.”

Mira blinked slowly. “Okay.”

Her voice was rough, quiet. Talking still caused some discomfort, but Dr. Lee knew that was not the only reason why Mira was keeping her responses short.

Dr. Lee gave a small nod. “Can you tell me what you remember about the last couple of days?”

Mira took a moment. Not quite avoiding, just… slow. Dr. Lee knew there were some gaps in the memory of the assault. She wanted to know if those remained.

“I remember… home,” she said. “I was… drowning- No. Rumi had a nightmare.” She looked down at her lap, struggling for an answer. “She left.” Her jaw tightened slightly at that. “I remember not being able to breathe properly,” she continued. “After.”

Her fingers shifted faintly against the fabric of the plush.

Dr. Lee didn’t interrupt. 

“I remember the roof,” Mira said, though she didn’t elaborate.

Dr. Lee nodded. “What do you remember about the roof?”

Mira’s gaze drifted, just for a second, toward the window. The light. The height.

“I needed air,” she said.

The answer came too easily.

Dr. Lee let a beat pass.

“And what happened when you got there?”

Mira was quiet again. The silence stretched longer this time.

Dr. Lee waited patiently for Mira to break the quiet.

“Nothing. I just stood there,” she finally said.

It wasn’t defensive, Dr. Lee thought. It wasn’t evasive, either. It just seemed… empty.

Dr. Lee watched her carefully. “Do you remember how you got injured?”

Mira’s brow creased slightly, as if the question required more effort than it should.

“I fell,” she said simply. “Shouldn’t have been walking.”

Another answer that arrived just a little too cleanly.

Dr. Lee made a small note in her mind but didn’t challenge it directly.

“Have you had any thoughts about wanting to die in the last few days?”

Mira didn’t hesitate this time.

“I did not go to the roof to kill myself.”

Dr. Lee leaned forward just slightly. “That’s not quite what I asked. Let’s try again. You felt you wanted air, you went up to the roof, you stood there. In that moment, did you want to die? Did you feel it was an option?”

Mira’s fingers were buried in brown fur. Dr. Lee watched her look down at her feet, one poked out from the blankets, clad in a navy blue turtle sock.

“Yes.”

A single word. Coming out in a rush of air.

Dr. Lee paused, watching Mira’s face twist into a frown. Anger, frustration, maybe. Dr. Lee wondered if Mira would be able to name the feeling if she were asked, but there was a more important question she needed to ask.

“Are you having those thoughts right now?”

Mira kept her eyes on her foot.

Dr. Lee made the connection quickly. Turtle socks. Turtle plush. The turtle pin firmly placed on the brim of Zoey’s hat. 

“No,” she said.

Dr. Lee didn’t react outwardly. She didn’t open her folder. She didn’t write anything down. She sat there with the answer, her mind organizing around it.

“Do you feel safe here in the hospital?”

“No.”

Immediate.

“Why?”

Mira blinked, as if the question hadn’t occurred to her.

“It’s not where I’d choose to be,” she said.

There was no irony in it. No resentment. Just fact. 

Dr. Lee nodded, accepting it. “Would you say it is not a matter of safety, but more a matter of discomfort?”

“I'm not sure,” she finally said.

Dr. Lee decided to change the question.

 “Where would you choose to be?”

Some answers would be better than others, Dr. Lee thought. At home, with Rumi and Zoey, being probably one of the best options. But Mira took a moment to respond, looking around as if the answer would manifest in the room with them somehow.

“I don’t know,” Mira whispered, her voice very quiet, a thin thread of sound and nothing else.

Dr. Lee nodded slowly. “You don’t need to know the answer right now.”

Mira didn’t respond.

They sat in silence for a few seconds. Not empty, not pressured. Just… there.

“You wouldn’t choose to be here, but Celine mentioned you asked to be admitted,” Dr. Lee continued. “Can you tell me why?”

Mira’s gaze shifted back to her.

“For Zoey,” she said.

Dr. Lee tilted her head slightly. “Tell me more about that.”

Mira’s expression tightened.

“She shouldn’t have to take care of me,” she said. “Not when I’m like this.”

“And what is ‘like this’?”

Mira’s lips pressed together. She tried to breathe a little deeper and winced, her hand tensing against her chest, her head falling back against the pillow behind her. Dr. Lee didn’t push her, she just allowed her to settle, for the pain to ease.

“A problem. A thing that hurts her.”

Dr. Lee didn’t soften it. She didn’t contradict it either. She leaned back slightly in her chair, giving the space a bit more air.

“Do you believe that distance from you will make her feel better?” Dr. Lee asked.

Mira looked away and towards the door, there was a tiny window, and through it Dr. Lee could just perceive the yellow of Zoey's hat.

“I think she needs rest,” Mira responded. 

Dr. Lee tilted her head to the side. “I understand why you would say that, it can be very tough to take care of someone. But that's not quite what I asked. Do you think your absence is something that would make Zoey feel better?” 

“If she rests- If she eats… she will feel better.” 

Dr. Lee nodded in understanding, choosing to push just a bit more. “Let's say she manages it. She sleeps, she eats. What about after? Will she feel better with you gone?” 

Mira let her head rest against the pillow, the tension of her body seeming to drain just the slightest bit, her shoulders falling from their high position by her ears. 

“No. She'll keep worrying. She'll be here.” Her brows twisted in a small frown, a pained grimace taking over her features.

“She will, yes. This arrangement, as unfamiliar as it is, it's not supposed to take her away from you,” Dr. Lee explained. “She’ll be authorized to visit. There'll be boundaries, but this is not meant to isolate you from the people you love.” 

Dr. Lee hoped for something, anything. A reaction. Relief perhaps. But Mira gave her nothing. She remained blank, staring down at the blankets as she nodded her head.

More compliance.

Blunted affect. Numbness. Detachment.

Dr. Lee had one more card under her sleeve. She decided to use it.

“Rumi's very concerned. She insists on a visit. Demands it, almost. How would you feel about that? A short visit, fifteen minutes tops, supervised.”

The answer came quiet, low. There was the softest waver to Mira's voice, her eyes remained averted.

“I feel I should be by myself for a while.”

Dr. Lee kept her expression perfectly neutral, but in her head several red flags lifted at once. 

“Can you tell me why?” 

“There's a lot going on. They should focus on themselves,” Mira said, steady.

“Caring for them is not the same as wanting to be alone. Would you say you want their company right now?”  

Mira looked up, her jaw gently quivered, her eyes were bloodshot. When her answer came it was just about what Dr. Lee feared. 

“I love them,” Mira said. “I want to keep them safe.”

“Safe from you?” Dr. Lee asked gently.

Mira nodded, her breath hitched. Dr. Lee watched her lashes flutter as she fiercely tried not to cry.

“I have hurt them before,” Mira whispered. “I don't know how to get it right.”

“What is ‘it’?” Dr. Lee asked.

“Loving them.”

The words seemed too heavy to hold. Mira shook her head softly to herself, her hand tugging softly at the bear’s ear. 

Dr. Lee waited a moment, hoping the silence would invite Mira to continue.

“I'd rather be on my own, avoid causing more problems.” 

“I understand that is your preference. And I know how important Rumi and Zoey are to you. I cannot isolate you from them, not because I'm ignoring what you want, but because pulling away tends to make things worse even if it feels safer,” Dr. Lee explained. 

Mira didn't respond, her body becoming heavier against the pillows beneath her.

“We will make sure to keep all interactions safe, we will do our best to minimize the possibility of you hurting each other. But I would not isolate you, Mira. I don't feel that would be beneficial.” 

Mira didn’t respond, didn’t meet her eyes.

“Part of my role,” Dr. Lee continued, “is to decide what level of support you need while you’re here. Based on what you’ve told me, I think it’s important that you stay for a bit longer. We’ll keep things structured, low stimulation, and we’ll meet regularly.”

Mira nodded once. No resistance.

That, more than anything, made Dr. Lee pause.

“How are you feeling about all of this, really?”

Mira looked at her. For the first time, something flickered. Not quite emotion. Not quite emptiness.

“I’m too tired to argue,” she said. “And I don’t have any other options.”

Dr. Lee held her gaze. That wasn’t the same as agreement.

“Alright,” she said quietly. “Then we’ll take this one step at a time.”

Mira nodded again. The movement was automatic now. Thoughtless. 

Dr. Lee stood, smoothing the front of her coat.

“I’ll check in with you again later,” she said. “If anything changes, if those thoughts come back or get stronger, I want you to tell someone right away. You don’t have to carry that on your own here.”

Mira’s eyes drifted toward the window again.

“I know,” she said.

Dr. Lee paused at the door, looking back once more. Mira hadn’t moved. She was still, quiet, fully compliant.

Dr. Lee stepped out, closing the door softly behind her.

The moment the latch clicked into place, Mira’s grip tightened around the plush toys in her arms.

Her gaze stayed fixed on the light pouring through the window. It seemed to reflect on the walls of the room, casting everything on a soft green hue.

She heard voices on the other side of the door. Soon, it was opening again. Zoey stepped inside without knocking, carrying two cups of jello and some water. She carried them over to Mira with a smile.

Mira forced her gaze away from the window, looking at Zoey’s face instead, willing herself to smile and hoping she hadn’t failed.

“Hi, Celine. Do you have a minute?” Dr. Han’s voice came through the receiver, calm and steady as usual. Celine couldn’t help the rush of alarm that followed, her mind jumping immediately to the possibility that something had gone wrong during Rumi’s session.

“Dr. Han, hello. Yes, of course. Give me a second.” Celine covered the phone with her hand and stepped away from the door of Mira’s room. 

Celine turned the corner, scanning the hallway before speaking again.

“Okay. What’s going on? Is Rumi okay?”

“She is,” Dr. Han said. “Her session went as well as we could have expected. I’ll consult with Dr. Lee later, see if she considers a short visit viable.”

Celine nodded, letting out a quiet breath. “Noted. She’s evaluating Mira right now. Though she has already mentioned that Mira’s stay might be longer than predicted.”

“Yes,” Dr. Han replied. “I imagine she suggested at least a week.”

“She did,” Celine said, her voice tightening.

“You mentioned feeling some relief at the idea of Mira having constant supervision. Has that changed?”

Celine hesitated, her gaze drifting along the hospital corridor. The white walls, the fluorescent light, the antiseptic smell, the constant noise that dulled everything else.

“I am relieved she will be supervised,” she said slowly. “I am concerned about what being here might do to her. Not only her trauma with hospitals, but the way she has been actively trying to hold herself together around Zoey.”

“Now Zoey will not be there, not all the time,” Dr. Han said.

Celine exhaled, something unsteady in the sound. “I fear the roof was her falling apart. I fear she came back because Zoey was waiting for her just on the floor below. And now Zoey is going to be gone, so why would Mira choose to return? The roof was already terrifying. What would worse even look like?”

“Take a moment,” Dr. Han said, her tone firm, not unkind. “Those are valid concerns. And I won’t offer false reassurance. It is very possible that Mira may stop holding herself together once she realizes she doesn’t have to protect anyone in the same way.”

Celine pressed her fingers against her forehead, as if she could ease the ache building there.

“I know that isn’t comforting,” Dr. Han continued. “But it may help to understand that this is part of the process. Mira has not been willing to say what she’s feeling, either because she physically can’t or because she doesn’t want to. She’s minimizing herself to reduce the impact on others. We often refer to that as self-erasure. We need to offer her a space where she doesn’t feel compelled to do that.”

“I taught her that,” Celine whispered, her grip tightening around the phone. “Them. I taught them that. That our faults and fears should never be seen.”

“I’m not going to try to take that feeling away from you,” Dr. Han said, gently at first, then more grounded. “But you were not the only influence in how Mira learned to process her emotions. She came to you in her late teens. The environment she grew up in, her early attachment figures, those would have shaped this long before you.”

Mira’s parents. The calls Zoey had mentioned.

Celine’s gaze lifted toward Mira’s room.

“She spoke to her mother,” she said quietly. “That day. When she went to the roof.”

“That’s important,” Dr. Han said. “There may be something we’re missing, or something Mira hasn’t shared yet.”

“She hasn’t spoken to them in years. Why now?”

“I can’t answer that,” Dr. Han said. “But I would advise against confronting it directly. Speak to Dr. Lee. She’ll know how to approach it safely.”

Celine’s body tensed, the impulse to act immediate and sharp. To call, to demand answers, to force clarity out of something she could not control.

“I’d like to talk about Rumi,” Dr. Han said.

“Yes. Please.”

“You mentioned she does not know about Mira’s past attempts. However, there are drawings in her journal. A bridge. A river.”

Celine stilled. “What?”

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence,” Dr. Han continued. “Rumi has more awareness than we realized. She was stable during the session, but I am concerned about how that awareness will settle once she has time to process.”

Celine swallowed, her throat tight.

“Rumi knows Mira is having suicidal thoughts,” Dr. Han said. “Mira didn’t say it directly, but Rumi recognized it. She felt the echo of it in herself.”

Celine closed her eyes briefly.

“She doesn’t know Mira’s history,” Dr. Han went on. “So there is a real risk that she begins to see herself as the cause. That she somehow put the idea there.”

“What should I do?” Celine asked. “I can call Bobby. Make sure he stays close, keeps an eye on her.”

“That would help,” Dr. Han said, “but my concern is tonight. I understand the plan was for Rumi to stay with Bobby so Zoey could stay with you. I don’t think that’s appropriate, not tonight.”

Celine frowned. “Bobby is good. She trusts him.”

“He is,” Dr. Han agreed. “But he doesn’t have the full context. Rumi is carrying complex, high-risk material right now. If she escalates, emotionally or otherwise, he may not recognize the level of risk or know how to respond appropriately. He could minimize something serious, or react in a way that escalates it. That’s not a position we should put him in tonight.”

Celine exhaled slowly. “Then we switch. Rumi comes with me. Zoey goes with Bobby.”

“Dr. Jung and I discussed that,” Dr. Han said. “Zoey is going to be separated from Mira for the first time since the assault. Bobby has limited knowledge of that event, and of Mira’s history. We don’t have time to bring him up to speed properly, and I don’t want to put you in a position where you feel pressured to disclose things that have not been shared.”

Celine’s jaw tightened. “Then what am I supposed to do?”

“You can have them both,” Dr. Han said.

Celine blinked. “What?”

“With boundaries,” Dr. Han clarified. “Not in the penthouse. Mira’s absence there will be too intense. In your home, Rumi already has some familiarity. They can share space, meals, sit together. But they are not to be alone without supervision, and they are not to process difficult events on their own. No discussion of the assault or the roof.”

Celine was quiet for a moment. “You’re sure this is the best we can do? We’ve been strict about no contact.”

“The no contact rule is specific to Mira and Rumi because there was a physical assault,” Dr. Han said. “Zoey is affected, but she is not the direct victim of that harm. The restrictions around Rumi are about Mira’s safety, not Zoey’s in the same way. This is a temporary adjustment, for tonight only.”

Celine nodded slowly.

“Nights are difficult,” Dr. Han continued. “People have fewer distractions. They process more. Dr. Jung and I believe it is safer for both of them to be with you. You have the full picture. You know what to look for. You are also Rumi’s primary attachment figure, and someone Zoey trusts. Even if the relationship is complicated, you are a stable point for both of them.”

“Understood,” Celine said. “I’ll arrange things with Bobby. I’ll take them both.”

“I know you will,” Dr. Han said. There was a pause, then, quieter, “But you cannot carry this alone indefinitely, Celine. You need support. We’ve talked about this.”

Celine let out a breath, but didn’t respond.

“Please ask Dr. Lee to call me when she’s able,” Dr. Han added. “And you can reach out if needed. I may not answer immediately, but I will return the call.”

“Thank you.”

They said their goodbyes, and the line went quiet.

Celine stood there for a moment longer, then drew in a steady breath before turning back toward Mira’s room.

“It seems like you’ll be seeing Zoey tonight,” Bobby said with a small smile as he came out of his home office.

Rumi looked up, startled by his voice. It took a second for her to process what he had said.

“What? Really?”

“Really,” Bobby said. He lifted his phone and showed it to Rumi as proof. “Celine asked me to get groceries for tonight and make sure there’s a room ready for Zoey at the house. She will be spending the night with you guys.”

Rumi could not wrap her mind around it. She frowned and stared, her gaze fixed on Bobby’s face, waiting for him to say it was some sort of joke. “Really? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Apparently it does to Dr. Han, she’s the one that suggested it.”

Rumi’s eyebrows almost merged to her hairline. “Seriously?”

“I promise. Just for the night. Tomorrow Zoey will be going back to the penthouse, her mom is coming.”

“Oh,” Rumi whispered, trying to wash away her confusion and nodding her head. “That’s nice. Zoey loves her mom.”

“Yeah, she’s a nice lady,” Bobby added. “She won’t be able to stay long, but it will be good for Zoey to see her.”

Rumi brought a knee up to her chest, gripping it tight. She felt like she hadn’t seen Zoey in forever. She took in a deep breath, closing her eyes and trying to relax. It was going to be okay, it had to. Dr. Han wouldn’t have suggested it if she felt it was a bad idea. Rumi needed to trust her.

“You don’t seem as excited as I thought you would be,” Bobby said, sitting next to Rumi on the couch, but not quite touching her. He had a gentle smile on his face, his eyes warm.

Rumi was about to respond, to explain that Zoey had every right to be mad at her, but how could she when he didn’t know the truth about Mira?

“Zoey’s very upset with me. I’m worried about seeing her again. I want to, God, I want to see her so much, but I’m just worried she doesn’t want to see me, that she doesn’t want to talk to me and she’s just being forced to be here when she doesn’t want to be.”

Bobby frowned, nodding to show that he was listening. “Why would she be mad, Rumi? Is it about you leaving? I’m sure she understands you were having a hard time and needed some time to figure things out.”

“No, it’s not that.” Rumi shook her head. It would have been easier to lie. It would have been safer to lie, but in that moment, Rumi thought about the story she was supposed to tell and found that she could not tell it. She had hurt Mira. She needed to own it. “After the Idol Awards I was having a hard time. Mira noticed, she was helping me…”

“Yeah,” Bobby said softly, nodding along. “She took on everything related to the group and was looking into finding help.”

“Yes,” Rumi whispered, her eyes down on her hands. “But it wasn’t only that. She was sleeping with me most nights, helping with my nightmares. She was making sure I ate, and that I was okay.”

“Of course she did,” Bobby said, proud. “Mira deeply cares about you.”

“She does.” Rumi nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “She loves me. And I love her… so much.”

“Of course,” Bobby said, his frown deepened. He couldn’t tell where this was going. Rumi could see his confusion all over his face.

“When she mentioned getting help I didn’t take it well…” Rumi said, struggling to swallow, her throat suddenly tight. “I yelled at her and I told her I couldn’t trust her. I felt cornered, and I couldn’t see how wrong things were. I thought I could fix it on my own, that I just needed a little time.”

“Oh,” Bobby whispered. He reached for a box of tissues on the coffee table and offered them to Rumi. “I’m sure Mira didn’t take it personally. You were having a hard time and we are not brought up to be open about this kind of thing,” Bobby said, offering her a small smile. He placed a hand on her back and gave it a soft pat.

Rumi shook her head, her eyes burning. She looked up at Bobby, she couldn’t hide, not about this.

“It’s not that, Bobby. I-” Rumi’s voice cut out, breaking as the words clogged her throat. “I didn’t realize how bad it was. I was sure I could handle it. So I didn’t listen, I didn’t get help in time, but Mira… even if I hurt her, she kept helping me anyway.”

He nodded along, but Rumi could see the confusion on his face. He didn’t know where she was going with this, he wouldn’t get there on his own, he couldn’t, because what Rumi had done was unimaginable.

“I was asleep. I was having a nightmare. And somewhere in the middle of it I woke up. I woke up but my mind was still in the dream,” Rumi paused, clutching her eyes shut, shaking her head. It was confusing to her, even days after, because she had been sure what she was fighting against was real.

“Oh, Rumi,” Bobby said softly. “That sounds terrifying.” 

Rumi nodded, tears slipping slow down her cheeks. “It was,” she whispered. “There was a monster in my dream and I was trying to fight it and in reality I was fighting Mira instead.”

“What?” 

Bobby’s voice came out in a way Rumi had never heard before, breathless and suffocated by the realization of what had happened.

“She was there, just like she was every other night. But I didn’t see her, I was stuck somewhere else, in my nightmare. And when I- when I truly woke up-”

Rumi sobbed quietly, covering her face with her hands, shoulders shaking as she cried. Bobby didn’t pull away, but he went so still.

“She wasn’t breathing. Zoey had to resuscitate her right there in my bedroom.” Rumi trembled where she sat, trying to make her breathing something she could rely on.

“So what Celine said, the assault-”

Rumi shook her head, cutting him off. “It was a cover. She believes the more people that know the higher the risk of a leak. And this, me hurting Mira, that’s not something the group would survive.”

He nodded, his face off in a way Rumi couldn’t fully explain. He just seemed pale and sullen, his usual open and hopeful expression gone in the face of something he didn’t know how to process.

But his hand didn't pull away, it remained firm and solid on Rumi’s back.

“So, Zoey…” Bobby whispered.

“Watched me deny help, watched me try to kill our best friend. She’s angry with me, because I almost took Mira from her, because Mira’s hurting, and it is on me. I don’t think she would choose to be here.” Rumi wiped the tears from her face, curling into herself as much as she could.

“She might be angry, but that doesn’t mean she has stopped loving you,” Bobby said, rubbing a hand up and down Rumi’s back in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “This is her first night without Mira, I’m sure she could use a friend.”

“Yes, but not me, Bobby,” Rumi said, frustrated. “I know she needs someone, but that someone can’t be me.”

“Maybe let’s not decide right now,” Bobby offered, soft. “Let’s just wait and see how it goes. Maybe she’s mad, maybe she’s hurt, that’s okay. It will still be good to see her, don’t you think?”

Rumi nodded, but didn’t say anything else.

Bobby took a deep breath and stood up, offering Rumi a tissue and a small smile.

“Let’s go to the store. Zoey will need a nice meal tonight,” he said.

Rumi wiped her face quickly, pulled up her hood, and walked with him out the door.

They had made sure Zoey's room was nice and cozy. Rumi knew it was just one night, but it was going to be a hard night.

She got a weighted blanket for Zoey, a brand new turtle plushie for her collection and a soft dinosaur onesie for her to get into. Bobby had been happy to help and had been patient as Rumi took her time making her choices.

Rumi had been trying to hold herself together all day. To not think too hard about Mira, alone, in a hospital room. To not think too hard about Zoey and her anger, and the guilt Rumi felt just thinking about them.

And so she lay down in her bedroom. Trying to not think too hard and trying to not spiral. She was doing her best to convince herself that everyone was doing the best they could.

Mira in the hospital was the right choice. It was the safest choice. 

It just didn't make it hurt any less. 

Rumi wanted to be there, to take care of Mira, help her through the pain she had caused her.

Rumi was very much aware that she was part of the reason why Mira was in the hospital. She wasn't sure Mira would even want her there, not after everything.

And so she lay on her bed, with one of Mira's books in her hand, reading the poems over and over again. She only stopped to feel Mira's handwriting under her fingertips.

"I once had a love like this," Rumi whispered to herself, Mira's words. Mira's picture with the puppy, right there for Rumi's eyes to see. 

Rumi loved it. It was probably her favorite picture of Mira, if only because she had never seen Mira smile like that in all the time she had known her.

The Honmoon above her brightened, the light reflected on the soft beige of the page, coloring Mira's face in hues of pink and blue.

Rumi looked up, surprised, watching carefully. She clutched the picture in her hand as she knelt on the bed, the book open in front of her. 

Rumi wasn't sure what she had done to provoke a reaction. So she lifted a hand, tangled her fingers within the shimmering lines and tried to listen. The Honmoon's song was still not quite right, the lower frequencies they built upon continued to be muted in ways that made the song itself sound empty.

Rumi looked down at her hand. Mira. The puppy. The words.

The words.

Rumi looked back up at the Honmoon, her hand tightening around the strands, surer now.

"I once had a love like this,” Rumi repeated. “I once had a love like this." 

The Honmoon got brighter and brighter, its song, or the pieces that were left, got louder and louder. And Rumi's soul reacted in response, shining bright in echoing pulses.

The Honmoon flashed the brightest it ever had, all its colors intertwined and flooding Rumi's sight white.

Rumi gasped, a sound trapped in the back of her throat. Her eyes widened, momentarily blind, seeing white and nothing else. 

She lost her balance, her hands shot backwards to break the fall. 

She didn’t feel the soft fabric of her sheets, but grass instead.

Rumi jumped to her feet, looking around her, eyes wide. She saw perfectly cut grass, clear blue skies, and a house, no, a mansion, that she faintly recognized. 

"Mira," Rumi whispered to herself as she started to walk towards the house.

"Benji!" A voice called in the distance. Bright and high and excited, the way only children's voices could be. "Come on, boy! Come!" 

Rumi stopped, trying to find where it came from when a white puppy sprinted towards her, it was all fluff, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. 

He crashed happily against Rumi's legs, rubbing his side against her calves before dropping onto his back, exposing his belly, tail thumping softly against the ground.

Rumi should have paid him more attention. Should have knelt down and rubbed his belly and cooed at him, but she just wasn't ready for what came next.

"Benji! Here, boy! Here!" 

Mira, a tiny version of her, with her knees grass stained and paw prints on her shirt, suddenly appeared right in front of Rumi. Pink hair wind swept and cheeks flushed in the afternoon light. She gently smacked her legs with her hands to call the puppy back to her.

The puppy let out a little howl, which Mira repeated back to him, looking in their direction and spotting Rumi. 

Their eyes met in the distance. Rumi fell to her knees, her heart smashing against her ribs. 

Benji jumped onto her lap, sniffing around her neck and tugging at her braid with his small teeth. Rumi barely felt it.

"Benji!" Mira said, a scolding tone to her voice and a crinkle between her brows that was just all too familiar.

Rumi smiled, eyes filled with tears. 

The little girl ran over, stopping close enough to pull Benji away from Rumi and hold his squirming little body against her chest.

"I'm sorry!" Mira said quickly, looking a little bit terrified. "He is a puppy, he didn't mean to!" 

"Oh, it's okay! It's okay!" Rumi responded, lifting her hands and offering the biggest smile she could. "I love puppies! Dogs are just amazing, aren't they?" 

Mira nodded fast, eyes brightening, smiling wide as she allowed the puppy to go and run around them.

"Yes! Benji is the best dog! He is my best friend!" Mira said, eyes scrunching shut as the puppy jumped on her and licked at her face. "I love you too, boy! I love you too!" Mira said, running her hands across his fur as the puppy happily rubbed against her front, tail wagging wildly before finally settling on the grass with a little huff.

Rumi could only watch, eyes burning, she didn't know what to do with this. She didn't know what was happening. 

Was this the moment frozen in the picture? The memory?

"I can see he loves you back just as much," Rumi said, softening her voice and sitting back on her heels to make herself just a bit smaller. 

Mira nodded, her cheeks going a little pink. She smiled down at the puppy while patting his head. "He won't leave. He follows me everywhere!" 

"That sounds really fun. Does he like to play fetch? We could find a branch to play with," Rumi said. She wanted to look for a branch around her, to offer something so they could play with, but she didn't want to look away. 

This was the closest she had been to Mira in days and she didn't want to look away.

"He likes fetch, he likes tug, he likes chase best," Mira said, her hands soft on the puppy's back. 

"Sounds like he just likes to be with you," Rumi said, smiling at the small girl. Mira's flush deepened and she averted her gaze. They landed on the house in the distance and something in her posture changed, caving in a little as she plopped down to sit on the grass.

"He is the only one." Her tone was quiet, the sadness unmistakable as it stole the brightness in her voice. Her eyes were still away, focused on the mansion.

Rumi swallowed hard, her blood hot with rage. She reached out with her hand, trying to offer some comfort. 

Mira flinched back, subtly. It was just a small movement, a reflexive move backwards, an unconscious closing of the eyes.

Rumi froze, her hand in the air. Her breath trapped in her chest. For a moment she felt she couldn't breathe.

"I like to be with you too," Rumi finally managed to say, clearing her throat, and lowering her hand over Benji's back instead.

"Really?" Mira asked, some of the joy returning to her gaze as she looked up into Rumi's warm brown eyes.

"Really," Rumi nodded with a soft smile. "Sometimes it takes time to find our people. But it happens. We'll find each other one day and we will be great friends."

"You won't stay?" Mira asked, her small frown deepening. "I'll be good. I promise." 

Rumi let out a shuddering breath. "You are good. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." 

"Then why are you leaving?" Mira asked, tilting her head to the side in a gesture Rumi had seen in the older version of her a hundred times, when hurt and confusion mixed into one.

Was she leaving? Rumi wondered. She was not sure what was going on. She didn't know how to go back. But this couldn't be permanent, right? This was a memory, the memory from the picture. 

She didn't have an answer, not one she was sure about, so she did her best.

"I don't want to," Rumi answered. "I never want to leave you. It's just not our time yet." 

Mira looked down, trying to hide the way her eyes had watered. Benji seemed to sense it, for he stood on his hind legs and pressed his front paws on Mira's shoulders, softly licking her cheeks. 

"Hey," Rumi whispered, forcing her voice not to crack. She offered her hand, not attempting to touch this time, but making sure Mira knew she could take it. "Will you wait for me?" 

Mira looked at her, eyes red rimmed. She nodded her head and tentatively pressed her little hand against Rumi's palm.

Rumi held her breath, willing her heart not to crawl outside of her chest. Mira was taller than her, and had been from the moment they met. Rumi's hand had never been bigger than hers.

But here she was, her hand, eclipsing Mira's tiny one. Rumi held it gently, warmly, thumb brushing over the back of the child's hand. Her eyes didn't miss the yellow handshaped bruises around her wrist. 

"You'll be my friend?" Mira asked, quiet. Her small fingers squeezed Rumi's palm as best as they could.

"Your best friend," Rumi said, her voice steady, firm, leaving no room for doubt. "I promise." 

"Okay." Mira nodded, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand.

"Can I give you a hug?" Rumi offered, curling her shoulders slightly in, making herself smaller still. "You can say no." 

Mira paused for a moment, glancing back at the house. Rumi wasn't sure what she was checking exactly. But eventually she said yes and approached Rumi slowly, skittish like a deer in the wild. 

Rumi welcomed her in, slow, gentle. She wrapped her arms around Mira's small body and held her tightly, desperately. A small sob escaped as she ducked her head into Mira's hair.

I miss you, Rumi wanted to say. I miss you so much. 

Rumi held her until she settled, until her body relaxed and her head dropped against Rumi's shoulder. Until Benji felt left out and moved to curl by Rumi's knees.

Rumi held her until Mira herself pulled back, her hand coming up to touch an iridescent pattern on Rumi's cheek.

"Why do you have these lines on your face?" 

"I've always had them, they are just part of me," Rumi responded, bracing for whatever came next.

Mira nodded, tracing the pattern with her fingertips. 

"They are very pretty. You are very pretty." Her blush climbed up to her ears.

Rumi gave her a soft squeeze. Her heart was cracking open. She had hidden for so long... Only for Mira to come and say this.

"Thank you," Rumi whispered, her voice very rough in the edges. "You are very pretty too." 

Mira shook her head. "I don't have pretty lines like yours." 

Rumi looked up at the sky, blinking quickly. 

What was she supposed to do with this?

"You have tiger stripes," Mira said, lighting up, as if she had just found exactly what she was looking for. "Dogs are my favorite, but tigers are cool too." 

Rumi held her close, pushing a loose strand of pink hair behind her ear. She nodded very seriously and reached down with a hand to give Benji a soft pat. "Dogs are just the coolest. There's no competition." 

Mira nodded very seriously too, her hands resting lightly on Rumi's shoulders. "You just can't play with a tiger." 

"Oh, I actually have a tiger friend! I think he would love to play with you!"

Mira's eyes went wide as saucers before squinting in a very suspicious expression that Rumi had seen before. "You are lying!"

"I'm not!" Rumi said, being just a little extra dramatic. "His name is Derpy. He has wide yellow eyes and an enormous head, and he is so silly. He likes to press his nose against my hand. Between the two of us..." Rumi said, lowering her voice as if she were sharing a secret. "I don't think there's much going on behind those eyes." 

Mira giggled, giving Rumi the same toothy grin from the picture. Rumi felt her heart seize in her chest. 

"That's mean," Mira said, though she was still giggling behind her hand. 

"A little bit," Rumi said, putting her thumb and forefinger very close. "It's true though, he is surely not as smart as Benji, does he know any tricks?" 

Mira jumped from her lap, excited now and calling Benji to her side.

Rumi could only watch as she guided Benji through a series of simple commands. Rumi clapped each time, watching Mira's smile get even wider.

Seeing that smile, Rumi didn't care if she couldn't go back. She could stay right here, living in this memory, and never want to leave. 

They were interrupted a few moments later by the opening and closing of a door. Mira almost jumped out of her skin, staring back at the mansion with wide eyes.

"I need to go," she said, nervously looking at the sky. The sun had gone down some since Rumi had arrived. 

"That's okay," Rumi said, getting to her feet. "Let me walk you there."

"No!" Mira responded, lifting both hands to stop Rumi from moving. "You can't go in there!"

Rumi frowned, wanting to insist but staying put as the child became more anxious.

"Okay," Rumi said, gently, hoping to calm her a little. "I'll just watch from here."

Mira nodded, looking back and wincing when someone called her name in the distance.

She ran a couple of steps away, Benji by her side before turning back, waving her hand at Rumi.

"I'll wait for you," Mira said, with all the seriousness a child could muster. "You'll show me Derpy." 

Rumi smiled. "I will, I promise." 

The voice in the distance got louder. Mira jumped again, waving hastily at Rumi before sprinting back. 

Rumi watched her go, dropping to her knees once more. Her chest felt like it was packed with sand bags. 

Mira got to the mansion, Benji by her side. The door closed behind her and Rumi's eyes flashed white once more.

When her sight cleared she was back on her bed, the picture in her hand, the book in front of her, the lines of the Honmoon bathing her in a shimmering glow.

Rumi knew it was not allowed.

She could not possibly care less.

She called Mira's phone over and over again. And when she didn't pick up, she called Zoey.

"Rumi?" Zoey asked, quietly confused. 

In the background Rumi could hear a constant beep, steady, slow, the sound of a hospital room.

"I need you to put her on the phone for me," Rumi said, no preamble, no hesitation. She was pacing the length of her bedroom, picture in hand.

"Rumi..." Zoey said her name in sigh, exhausted. "You know it's not allowed, I'm not sure-" 

"Zoey," Rumi cut her off, her voice raw and filled with tension. "I swear to God-"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I get it. Just a minute though."

"Thank you. Zo, really, thanks," Rumi said, running a hand through her hair.

"It's okay. Just don't- She's tired. She's been quiet the last couple hours, don't take it personally," Zoey whispered, her voice low enough Rumi almost missed it.

"Of course. It won't be long." 

Rumi heard a muffled conversation after. A soft Mir, and then Rumi's on the phone. And then, for a few seconds after... Nothing.

She pressed her phone against her ear hard enough to hurt. Trying to hear something, anything. After a moment it came, a laboured breath. A breath that cost effort.

And then...

"Ru?" Soft, raw, wrecked. More air than sound.

"Mir, hi," Rumi said, quiet too. Tears jumped to her eyes immediately and she was glad Mira couldn't see it. "How are you feeling?" 

"Okay," Mira responded and then nothing else.

Rumi clenched her free hand into a fist to try and keep it from shaking.

"Yeah? Are they giving you the good meds?" Rumi asked.

"Hm." 

Rumi clenched her jaw tight. Forcing down the sound that was crawling up her throat.

"I know it's hard. I know it hurts. I'm right here," Rumi said, and then, softer still, "I'm with you." 

"I'm sorry," Mira whispered. Rumi's knuckles went white around the cell phone. "I love you." 

Rumi pulled the phone away from her ear and turned her face into the sleeve of her hoody, muffling a sound she could not afford.

She took a breath, two, and forced her voice into something steady. 

"I love you too," Rumi responded, because it was true, because there was no other answer. "I'm putting in the work to get back to you." 

"I understand." 

Nothing else. Not one more word. 

"Can you wait for me?" Rumi asked, her voice carrying a soft tremble, "just a little longer." 

The answer didn't come. Seconds piled on top of each other. And Rumi waited. She waited and she hoped and she let the silence linger.

"I'm tired." 

Rumi felt that land and thought about the child she held in her arms and-

"I'll come see you." 

"No." 

No, from the person that once said stay.

Rumi held her breath.

"Focus on you, please." 

"I can do both," Rumi said, fast. "You are not a burden to me." 

A shuddering breath washed over the line. 

"Rumi, please." 

Rumi clutched her eyes shut and forced herself to stay put. 

"Okay," Rumi relented, it felt wrong, but she didn't know what else to do. "I'll be right here, okay?"

"Okay." Nothing else. 

Rumi heard the phone change hands and soon enough she could hear Zoey's soft breathing on the other end. 

"Celine and I will be leaving soon. Dr. Park will stay with Mira." 

"Does she seem better?" Rumi asked. "She sounds..."

"I know," Zoey whispered. "I don't know what to say. I don't want to leave, but she told me to go so..." 

"Oh, Zo..." Rumi said, knowing how badly that must have hurt. "I'm sure she didn't mean it in a bad way, she just-"

"Wants me to focus on myself, yeah," Zoey said. 

Rumi let the silence linger for a moment, unsure of what to say next.

"Thank you for letting me talk to her." 

"She misses you," Zoey said.

Rumi nodded to herself, taking a deep breath.

"I miss you both."

"I know, Ru,” Zoey said with a sigh. “I know." 

"I'll be back first thing in the morning," Zoey said, her eyes trying to find Mira's.

"No, Zo. Please, focus on-" 

"I will put my attention where I want," Zoey cut her off, leaning down to press her lips against Mira's forehead. Zoey let her head rest against Mira’s hair and closed her eyes. 

She was supposed to make this easy. She was supposed to make Mira feel better. She was not supposed to make their goodbye dramatic and painful and awful for the both of them. But God, the one thing Zoey wanted to do was to hold the railing of Mira’s bed and not let go until someone came to physically remove her. In which case she would fight them and stay anyway.

“Okay,” Mira whispered. “Okay.”

Zoey tugged the blankets up, made sure Teddy and Mr. Turtlestein were within reach, offered Mira some water, and fluffed her pillows. She straightened her socks and made sure the room was at a comfy temperature and when she ran out of things to do she lingered by the bed, looking at Mira’s tired face.

Her eyes were swollen and heavy, her cheeks hollow and her jaw sharp. The bruising had started to change colors, the deep purple giving away to something that almost looked like healing. The nasal cannula was in place and so was the I.V. There was nothing else to do. Nothing else to check, nothing else to fix.

“Comfy?” Zoey asked, as she smoothed a blanket that didn’t need smoothing. 

“Hm.” Mira dipped her chin in a half nod.

“Scared?” Zoey tried, because once upon a time Mira had woken up in an unfamiliar room with a tube down her throat and hospitals had been scary places since.

Mira shook her head. “Tired.”

It felt very much like she was recycling words. Like she only had a couple available and so she used them at any given time.

Zoey had been keeping track.

Tired. I’m sorry. Okay. I understand. Don’t worry. I don’t know. Yes. No. I love you.

“Okay. I’ll let you sleep,” Zoey said, trying to blink away the moisture in her eyes. “Teddy and Mr. Turtlesteing will protect you. I will keep my phone with me, call if you need anything, or if you just need company. I’ll pick up. I’ll always pick up.”

“Okay,” Mira answered, offering Zoey a slow blink and a small smile. 

Zoey looked around, at the bed, at the small table next to Mira, at the bigger one in the corner of the room. Mira’s phone, nowhere to be seen.

“Mir, do you even know where your phone is?”

A long pause, an even slower blink. Mira looked around the room like the answer would materialize in front of her.

She frowned, trying to sit up a little further and wincing. Her hand moved to press against her ribs.

“It’s fine. It’s fine,” Zoey rushed to say, helping her back down. “I’ll find it and bring it to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Mira whispered, giving Zoey’s hand a small squeeze.

“Try to get some sleep. I’ll go and be back and you won’t even notice,” Zoey said, pulling the blankets up so they rested beneath Mira’s chin. “I’ll bring more things from home and this place will feel a little better.”

“Don’t worry.” Mira brought Zoey’s hand up to her lips, kissing her knuckles. “Rest.”

Zoey sighed. She leaned down, kissed Mira’s forehead again. Lingered there.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

“I’ll be right back,” Zoey whispered, forcing her voice to remain steady. “I miss you already. I love you so much.”

“I love you more,” Mira responded, squeezing Zoey’s hand just a little harder. They felt so cold, Zoey thought.

Zoey let out a wet chuckle, shook her head, finally pulled away. “Impossible.”

Mira just smiled, eyes already half closed. 

There was a soft knock, a second later Celine stepped inside.

Zoey let Mira’s hand slip from her grasp, tucked it under the blanket. She put on her bucket hat and stepped back.

“I’ll be right back,” she told Mira. Again.

“Okay.”

Zoey stepped out, leaving only Mira and Celine.

The older woman looked around the room, making a quick analysis. Once she found everything in place she approached Mira’s bed and sat down.

They looked at each other for a while, without saying anything. Mira barely blinked, her eyes looked foggy, distant.

“Visiting hours are over,” Celine started. “Zoey and I will be back first thing in the morning. Dr. Park will stay through the night and will come to check on you as often as she can. We are arranging everything so that Rumi can come visit soon. You will reach out to me if you need anything or if you feel like it, all your nurses and doctors have my contact information. I’ll be waiting.”

Mira nodded.

Celine brushed a loose strand of hair away from her forehead and then allowed her hand to rest on top of Mira’s head, her thumb moving back and forth, back and forth. Mira’s eyes fluttered shut, leaning into the contact just the slightest bit.

Celine clenched her jaw tight.

“Thank you,” Mira said at last, eyes still closed.

“What for?” Celine asked with a tiny frown between her brows.

Mira opened her eyes, looked at her, her lips curling at the corner just enough to produce the semblance of a smile.

“Everything.”

The word sent a shiver down Celine’s spine. It sounded wrong enough that Celine wanted to push and prod and make Mira tell her everything.

She took one look at Mira’s face and decided against it.

She swallowed it down and ran her thumb gently over Mira’s brow. 

“We’ll get through this together,” Celine said. In her mind there was no other option. 

Mira paused, letting out a soft sound and not much else. She angled her head so she could rest her temple just a little more firmly against Celine’s hand.

“Look after them for me.”

Celine realized then that those were probably the last words she wanted to hear. 

“I’ll look after them and I’ll look after you.”

Mira let out another little sound, not quite a word. Her eyes were heavier now, almost completely closed.

Celine knew she had to go and at the same time she never wanted to take her eyes off her.

She stood up, dimmed the lights, fixed the same pillows and the same blankets Zoey had. She then stood by the bed, looking at the door and back and feeling her heart race with unease.

“Rest, darling.”

Celine ran the back of her fingers down Mira’s cheek and walked to the door. She stood there, with her hand on the doorknob, waiting, wanting Mira to ask her to stay.

The words never came and so Celine stepped out, closing the door softly behind herself.

Mira watched them go. 

The door closed. 

She was alone.

Moisture gathered in her eyes and dripped down her temples without her notice. She didn’t blink, she didn’t wipe them away. She just lay in her bed and watched the door and tried to breathe the way the nurses had instructed.

The tears in her eyes became a mist she could barely see through, a wall of salt that blocked the light.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to clear her gaze, only to find herself standing in front of her childhood home when she opened her eyes.

The mansion stood proudly in front of her. Stone and glass and wood, all cold sharp angles, perfection in every nook and cranny, anything less was just unacceptable.

Mira pushed the door open and stepped inside. She ran her hand over the grand piano, she looked at the pictures of her brother on the mantle, she walked by every bit of furniture and decoration that served no purpose but to make the space look a certain way. An exhibition, never a home. 

In the hall that connected the living room with the kitchen there was a small supply closet, one she was deeply familiar with.

She walked there calmly, putting her hand on the handle her father would so often lock from the outside and opening the door. 

She didn’t turn on the light, she just stepped inside and closed the door behind herself.

Mira sat down. She brought her legs up to her chest and buried her face against her knees and tried to breathe.

In there, no one could hurt her.

In there, she couldn’t hurt anyone.

In there, she was alone.