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is that something that can happen??

Summary:

@scoutieswife tweeted: Guys you HAVE to stop showing me pictures of mark scout on the tl I can’t take it like you don’t understand I need to get that man pregnant

@helenaeagan replied: is that something that can happen??

__

Helly and Mark have a pregnancy scare.

[Graphic format: uses HTML & CSS]

Notes:

This is by far the silliest thing I've ever written. Thank you to my irl friend for sending the unhinged text that started all of this, thank you to aphyllon, asukii314, wisechase, and MadamDarcy for the encouragement and bouncing ideas around, and extra big thank you to asukii314 for beta reading this!

This fic uses HTML & CSS. Please make sure you have "Show Creator's Style" toggled on (should be on by default) and that you have disabled any other site skins you may be using. If you require or prefer the plain text version, you can find that as Part Two of the plain text & css series.

When you get to the part with the mail package, hover over it with your cursor (if on desktop) or tap (if on mobile) to open the box and see inside :)

This takes place in the Media Circus-Verse as a "deleted scene" in the middle of chapter 3, but it also works as a standalone. I hope you enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Mina | lumongate brainrot
@scoutieswife

Guys you HAVE to stop showing me pictures of mark scout on the tl I can’t take it like you don’t understand I need to get that man pregnant

8:15 PM · June 14, 2020


133 Retweets    34 Quote Tweets    416 Likes


Helena Eagan @helenaeagan · June 14
Replying to @scoutieswife

is that something that can happen??

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Mina | lumongate brainrot @scoutieswife · June 14
Replying to @scoutieswife

oh my god kill me now it’s over she’s found me

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Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 7:12 AM

Helena Eagan
mark oh my god wake up
Mark Scout
are you ok??
Helena Eagan
you’re my mark, right?
this is helly
Mark Scout
yes 😁
what’s going on?
Helena Eagan
apparently you can get pregnant
is this true??
Mark Scout
what???
no
that’s not possible
Helena Eagan
are you sure?

LumonCares™ Health Prenatal Care > First Trimester > Early Pregnancy Symptoms Early Symptoms of Pregnancy Questioning whether or not you’re pregnant can be overwhelming. LumonCares™ is here to help.

Some common symptoms of early pregnancy are:

  • Fatigue
  • Nausea (otherwise known as “morning sickness”)
  • Increased heart rate
  • Change in appetite (food cravings and/or aversions)
  • High body temperature

Early symptoms such as these typically last throughout the first trimester (12 weeks) of pregnancy before improving.

If you think you may be pregnant, the only way to know for sure is to take a pregnancy test. Lumon-brand pregnancy tests are clinically shown to be 25% more accurate than the leading drugstore tests. Stop by a LumonCares™ clinic near you to pick up your test today!

Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 7:45 AM

Mark Scout
um so I looked it up
Helena Eagan
and??
Mark Scout
I experienced all of these things during lumon lockdown
Helena Eagan
i remember :’(
Mark Scout
I just assumed that was all because of the reintegration but
helly what if I’m pregnant
Helena Eagan
but you feel better now right? so it’s probably fine?
Mark Scout
but it says on this page that these symptoms get better after the first few weeks
what if I’m in my second trimester already??
oh god helly
Helena Eagan
ok don’t freak out it’s going to be ok
Mark Scout
this has to be a mistake, this can’t be possible

Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 8:02 AM

Mark Scout
helly I’m so confused

Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 8:18 AM

Helena Eagan
mark it’s real
look
Mark Scout
where did you find that?
Helena Eagan
there’s a whole website dedicated to kier being pregnant
Mark Scout
why wasn’t this in the handbook??
Helena Eagan
caption on the website says “kier is pregnant with both the spirit of industry and the blessed joy of the eagan lineage”
whatever the fuck that means
Mark Scout
wait I just remembered
when they woke me up outside before cold harbor they brought me to a place called a birthing cabin
and there was a statue there of kier and he was pregnant
it’s real helly
oh god this is really happening
Helena Eagan
well hold on just because it’s possible doesn’t mean you’re pregnant RIGHT NOW
Mark Scout
yes but helly remember when I was really hungry for no reason a few months ago and I would eat nonstop
Helena Eagan
yes
Mark Scout
we said it must have been the reintegration but have you ever experienced that with yours?
Helena Eagan
no
Mark Scout
what if it wasn’t the reintegration
I can’t handle this
Helena Eagan
it’s gonna be alright honey
Mark Scout
maybe I’m just overreacting
I mean after all, wouldn’t my outie have told me if we were pregnant?
Helena Eagan
please. that dickhead wouldn’t tell you anything

New Recording 1 6/15/20, 8:35AM Hey, uh, you. So uh, don’t freak out but um, I’m kind of worried we might be pregnant. Sorry I didn’t know this was possible until today. What should we do? 00:43.54

Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 10:23 AM

Mark Scout
Wait. You’re pregnant?
Helena Eagan
no you idiot, YOU’RE pregnant
Mark Scout
Wait what
Helena Eagan
ugh you switched and you’re that dickhead again aren’t you
Mark Scout
I mean, not the word I’d use, but yes
why do you think I’m pregnant
Helena Eagan
why don’t you just read our texts from this morning and see for yourself

Today, 10:34 AM

Mark Scout
😂😂😂
Helena Eagan
what’s so funny
Mark Scout
Give me a moment
I can’t stop laughing
Helena Eagan
glad our panic is so hilarious to you
Mark Scout
Well, good news, I’m not pregnant
Because it’s not possible
Helena Eagan
how do you explain this then
Mark Scout
Helly that is cult propaganda
Please do not tell me you think Kier Eagan was actually pregnant
Helena Eagan
oh so now you think I’m stupid
Mark Scout
I don’t think you’re stupid
Helena Eagan
why did mark have all those symptoms during lockdown if he wasn’t pregnant
Mark Scout
I mean honestly that was probably alcohol withdrawal

Today, 10:49 AM

Helena Eagan
Hello this is Helena
What the hell is going on?
Mark Scout
They’ve somehow got it in their minds that you got me pregnant
😂
I tried to explain that that isn’t possible but Helly won’t listen to me
Helena Eagan
I mean I wouldn’t say it isn’t possible
Mark Scout
Excuse me
Helena Eagan
Well it hadn’t been officially announced yet but that was something Lumon was working on
Why do you think we had the highest rated fertility clinic in the country?
Mark Scout
What.
Are you being serious or are you messing with me
Helena
Are you joking or being serious??

Today, 10:56 AM

Mark Scout
HELENA

New Recording 2 6/15/20, 11:05AM Hey man, um, okay so I just got caught up on everything. We’re not pregnant, okay? It’s not possible. It’s definitely not possible. If you see that text from Helena, she’s definitely joking. Like that’s an obvious joke, so don’t take it seriously. Um, everything’s fine. 01:08.21

Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 11:26 AM

Helena Eagan
hi it’s helly
which mark are you right now?
Mark Scout
I’m still “that dickhead”
Helena Eagan
at least you admit it
Mark Scout
Did Helena mean what she said?
Lumon wouldn’t do something that crazy right
Helena Eagan
lumon kidnapped your wife and faked her death dude
Mark Scout
Fuck
God this is insane
Helena Eagan
exactly so we need to get it together and figure out what we’re doing
i’ve already done some research
apparently there are some things you shouldn’t eat while pregnant
so you need to stop eating deli meat and seafood like right now
and no more alcohol
Mark Scout
Ok I am aware of pregnancy dietary recommendations
But I can’t deal with all of this
Like even for Lumon this can’t be possible
Helena Eagan
well don’t blame me when our kid comes out all messed up because you kept eating king mackerel
Mark Scout
I don’t think you have to worry about me eating king mackerel

< Notes June 15, 2020 at 11:32AM Grocery List

- Salad kit
- Frozen dinners
- Whiskey
- Fruit cups
- Applesauce
- Ice cream
- Sliced ham
- Sliced turkey
- Butterscotch candies
- Pickles


Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 11:45 AM

Mark Scout
helly it’s me again
your mark
Helena Eagan
hi honey <3
Mark Scout
I’m freaking out
babies need so many things
Helena Eagan
it’ll be fine we’ll figure it out
Mark Scout
oh my god
Helena Eagan
they’re also very cute though
oh my god look how tiny
i’m gonna be a dad :’)
Mark Scout
I’m not ready to be a mother helly
Helena Eagan
it’s gonna be ok
think of how cute our kid will be
Mark Scout
I wonder if she’ll have red hair like you
Helena Eagan
she?
Mark Scout
yeah
Helena Eagan
aww
yes and she’ll have your eyes
we can take her to all the places we haven’t visited yet
Mark Scout
like the ocean?
Helena Eagan
exactly
Mark Scout
ok maybe it won’t be so bad

Devon

Today, 12:13 PM

Devon
This your girl? 😂
Mark Scout
yes that’s my helly
Devon
Oh you’re the other mark right now
Mark Scout
yep
Devon
Sorry

Today, 12:21 PM

Mark Scout
hey Devon?
Devon
Yes?
Mark Scout
where can you buy pregnancy tests
Devon
Why do you need to know this
Mark Scout
um well
helly and i are concerned
Devon
Are you serious
Mark Scout
yes
Devon
You two weren’t using protection?
Mark Scout
well it’s not like they put a chapter about this stuff in the handbook
Devon
Oh god okay
well you can get a pregnancy test at any drugstore
they’re most accurate when taken first thing in the morning
Mark Scout
thanks Devon
Devon
and maybe hide the liquor from my brother for a little while so he doesn’t go on a binge waiting for the results
Mark Scout
oh my god the drinking
he’s been drinking so much that’s going to be so bad for the baby oh my god
Devon
oh Mark you don’t need to worry about that
if he’s been drinking that’s not going to affect the baby Helly’s carrying
Mark Scout
what?
no I’m the one carrying the baby
Devon
What
Wait what exactly is going on?
Mark Scout
I think I’m pregnant
Devon
Okay well that’s not possible
Mark Scout
but I have all the symptoms
Devon
Mark. You are not pregnant.
Mark Scout
are you sure?
Devon
Yes.

Helena Eagan | HELLY 👩🏻‍🦰💞

Today, 8:45 AM

Mark Scout
helena just sent me three pregnancy tests in the mail
I’m gonna take them
I’m nervous
Helena Eagan
me too

Today, 9:19 AM

Mark Scout
all negative
Helena Eagan
This is Helena now
Wait sorry did you actually take the tests
Mark Scout
yes?
isn’t that what I was supposed to do?
Helena Eagan
Oh honey
Mark…it was a joke…
Mark Scout
oh
Helena Eagan
Did you think I was serious about the Lumon fertility thing?
Mark Scout
yes
Helena Eagan
Oh my god Mark
Ok you are definitely not pregnant and you can’t get pregnant
All the pregnant Kier stuff is just a weird part of Lumon’s mythology
Mark Scout
oh ok
I guess that makes sense

Today, 9:53 AM

Helena Eagan
hey it’s helly
i just read the texts from earlier
no baby then huh
Mark Scout
no baby
Helena Eagan
ok :(
i’m kinda sad
Mark Scout
me too
Helena Eagan
but also relieved
Mark Scout
yeah
hey maybe someday we can be parents for real though
Helena Eagan
ehhh it’s less appealing if i’m the one who has to be pregnant
Mark Scout
☹️

Helena Eagan
@helenaeagan

well, i tried my best, but it just didn’t stick

Mina | lumongate brainrot @scoutieswife · June 14

Guys you HAVE to stop showing me pictures of mark scout on the tl I can’t take it like you don’t understand I need to get that man pregnant

6:02 AM · June 20, 2020


3.7K Retweets    457 Quote Tweets    107.2K Likes


Mina | lumongate brainrot @scoutieswife · June 20
Replying to @helenaeagan

…helena???

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Trisha @ganzwindmills · June 20
Replying to @helenaeagan

girl what did you DO

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millicent @freehelena · June 20
Replying to @helenaeagan

she pegged that man

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jo @iheartether · June 20
Replying to @helenaeagan

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Notes:

Thank you for reading! The things I needed to google for this fic...my algorithm will never be the same. If you enjoyed, please tell me what you think!

All resources used/referenced in the coding of this fic can be found in this bookmark collection.

You can find me on Tumblr as @delphines and Twitter as @married_diamond, come talk to me about all things Severance <3