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If anyone had told Wade that he would one day domesticate a Wolverine, he would have laughed right in their face.
In all the different timelines that Wade had seen by now, Logan's rough and gruff nature seemed to be a universal constant. Sure, in some places he was more of a mellow fellow, ready to protect and serve instead of raging against the machine. And even in some of the canon, he was at least capable of something approaching a normal life, like when he was lumberjacking it out in a cabin somewhere.
But Logan only ever seemed to be tame in the way a guard dog was tame. Nice to a select few people and always ready to tear out the throat of anyone else at a moment's notice.
His own Logan – forgive his wishful thinking here – was different. Not because he was necessarily nice and sweet – though he definitely could be – but because he didn't just settle in. No, this motherfucker settled down. And he settled hard.
Watching Logan step into his domestic era was honestly super fun. It started with small things like drinking less, doing his dishes and fixing the sink – then went on to bigger things like getting a nine to five, doing his taxes and cooking breakfast every day – and finally developed into late stage domesticity like buying an apartment with a garden, building Mary a dog house and making his own carrot juice. It happened so fast that Wade wasn't entirely sure how the fuck he'd gone from sharing a bed with Blind Al to living in a lovely studio apartment with a view and a fucking rocking chair on their balcony.
Honestly, Wade was just happy to be along for the ride and watch it happen – quite literally, because Logan didn't even ask him to move in, just started packing their shit without even bothering to separate their clothes and hauling the huge stack of boxes over to their new place in his used Honda Civic, furniture and all. Al still lived at the old place, but Wade and Logan visited her regularly, and Wade knew that Logan had vetted her new roommate personally, a lovely older lady called Margaret who moved in with her three cats.
Logan was amazing with Al. Wade would have called it sucking up if it wasn't so goddamn earnest, like chivalry was just something that was ingrained in Logan's DNA. He'd never met the Logan of this world, but he had the feeling that something wasn't quite adding up here, a suspicion that only grew the longer Logan stuck around.
Because Logan was like this with Vanessa too. Wade'd had maybe half a minute of jealousy before he realized that Logan did the exact same thing to Ellie, Yukio and even Laura. He was the perfect gentleman, attentive and thoughtful, which Wade could attest was not his MO when it came to dealing with men. Not that he wasn't nice to Peter and Dopinder, but there was a palpable difference there. And seeing as Logan's first reaction to properly meeting him had been to skewer him like a shish kebab, well. Wade definitely fell into the latter category.
The easiest explanation was that this Logan was even more of a lady killer than the last one had been. But that didn't really account for the fact that Logan acted the exact same way towards any women, not just the ones he presumably found attractive. Purely based on his type in the broader Marvel franchise, which was honestly pretty narrow. And it certainly didn't explain the way that Logan kept deferring to every woman in his path who deigned to voice her opinion.
Wade couldn't even count the number of times where he'd been standing in a mixed gender group and made a suggestion – stupid or otherwise – and Logan had turned to him, given him a stern look and said, “Shut up, bub. The ladies are talking.” Which, okay, could just be a way to tell Wade that he was being an idiot, but something about the phrasing made Wade think it might be more than that. What exactly though, he had absolutely no idea.
But he digressed. At the end of the day Logan seemed to be surprisingly happy to live the simple life. And Wade found that he had absolutely no objections to that. Why would he, when his average day consisted of three home-cooked meals, long walks with Mary Puppins, doing some light cleaning around the house while Logan was at work and otherwise putting his time to good use with Animal Crossing or Bloodborne marathons until Logan came home and spent his evening rotting on the couch with Wade while they watched whatever was next in their queue. It was pretty much the perfect life.
Sure, Wade's work with the TVA meant that an emergency callout was possible at all hours of the day, but a busy week for him consisted of maybe three to four missions, and the pay was exceptional. Plus, if Logan was bored and not doing anything else, he sometimes liked to tag along for old times' sake. Watching Logan don the suit was a rare treat, and one that Wade cherished every single time.
Today, Wade was fairly sure that they wouldn't be interrupted though. He'd helped some TVA henchmen stuff a wild shadow beast back into its designated vault just this morning, and thus far he'd never been called in twice in a day. Logan had prepared dinner yesterday, so Wade had heated everything up and set the table just in time for Logan to come home from his day job. Wade's stupid heart did a little kick flip in his chest when Logan smiled at the hello kitty face that Wade had drawn on his plate with balsamic vinegar – Italian vinegar, because that was the fancy life Wade lived now – and said, “Thanks, bub,” with that rumbly, pleased voice that always made Wade feel like a million bucks.
So he was crushing on the guy. So what? If Wade had a dollar for every person who had the hots for Logan, he'd be swimming in cash like Scrooge McDuck.
They ate dinner as Wade told Logan about his day, somehow taking up the entire time even though all the things he'd done could be briefly summarized as 'nothing'. Afterwards, Logan grabbed a beer from the fridge as Wade fixed himself a milkshake that he took to the couch to slurp on while some true crime show played in the background. He grabbed the leftover fries too, because dunking deep-fried potato into strawberry ice cream was one of life's greatest joys.
“That's disgusting,” Logan said mildly as he watched Wade create another culinary masterpiece. “Why would you do that?”
“Because it's good, you fucking hater.” Wade dipped another fry, offering it to Logan. “You want one?”
“No, thanks.”
Wade shrugged and popped the fry in his own mouth, licking a drop of strawberry milk off his thumb. “Trying new things is good for the soul, you know?”
“Not when they're an abomination.”
Wade scoffed. “Okay, sourpuss. Call me Darth Vader, because I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
“Darth Vader?” Logan asked, one of his eyebrows raised. “The fuck is that?”
Wade – in the process of dipping another fry – dropped it straight into his drink so he could clap his hand over his mouth. “Oh my fuck! Don't tell me I get to pop your Star Wars cherry?! Holy shit, pumpkin, let me tell you, you're in for a treat –“
“I know what Star Wars is, dumbass. I've seen all of them.”
“Oh.” So that was mildly disappointi– Wait a second. “And Darth Vader doesn't ring a bell? Are you going senile or something?”
Logan wrinkled his nose. “It's been about twenty years since I've seen them, bub. And there's probably a million characters. Remind me?”
“Remind you? He's literally the most iconic character in the entire franchise,” Wade said incredulously. “The big Skywalker daddy himself. If you're going to pick a face – or face mask – to represent the whole thing, it's him. People who don't know shit about Star Wars know who Darth Vader is. You really don't remember?”
“So he's Luke's... father?” Logan asked haltingly, and Wade threw up his hands.
“Yes! Obviously! 'Luke, I am your father' and shit, though he doesn't actually say that, there's that whole thing about the Mandela effect, and –“
“It was Luke's mother in my world.”
Wade's rambling ground to a screeching halt. “Excuse me?”
“Darth Muder.” Logan shrugged. “Weird, huh?”
Wade squinted at him. “You're fucking with me.”
“No, seriously. She chops off his arm and tells him she's his mother somewhere in the scene, I think. Leia saves him.”
“I'm sorry, Leia saves him?” Wade asked, and Logan cocked an eyebrow.
“Yes? Luke's a whiny little bitch.”
Wade gasped. “You take that back!”
“No. The most memorable thing he does is tell Obi-Wan Kenobi that she's his only hope. And cry about his mommy being evil.”
“Obi-Wan's a woman too?” Wade asked incredulously, and Logan frowned.
“Yes? The fuck kind of movie did you watch?”
“Oh, only George Lucas' greatest masterpiece, thank you very much!”
“George – the director?” Logan asked. “He's a man over here?”
“Yes! Most directors you hear about are men, because opportunity and sexism!” Wade said, and Logan shook his head slowly.
“No, bub. In my universe, all the greats are women.”
“Like, for real, for real?” Wade thought about that for a second. “What about batman? No wait, there's a batwoman in our world too, that won't work. Do you know Indiana Jones?”
“Yes? What about her?”
“Yeah, okay, that answers my question.” Wade slurped on his milkshake, eying Logan curiously. “So is Ripley a man in your universe?”
Logan frowned. “You mean the Alien lady?”
“Excuse you, that's 'the lady from Alien' to you,” Wade said. “So – not a man then?”
“Of course not,” Logan scoffed. “That movie's from the seventies.”
Wade hummed. “Wonder woman? ”
“Same thing.”
“Huh.” Wade really wished he'd been able to spend more time in Logan's universe, because the implications were fascinating. “Just out of curiosity – how do you feel about women?”
Logan raised an eyebrow. “How do I feel about women?”
“Oh my god, stop making me sound like a misogynist! I just want to test something.”
“And use me as a sample size for all the men in my entire universe?” Logan's lips twitched. “Sound argument, bub.”
“Shut up, it's a fair question! Like, how are women perceived in your universe? Cause it's starting to sound like your place is lightyears ahead of ours, so –“
“How does anyone feel about the matriarchy?” Logan shrugged. “It is what it is. There are great women and shitty women. What else do you want me to say?”
“So women really do run the show in your universe?” Wade asked with wide eyes, and Logan frowned.
“Of course. Why shouldn't they?”
Wade thought about all the women in his life and had to concede that Logan had a point. “That's pretty cool actually. Wait, does that mean you have reverse sexism?”
Logan cocked his head. “Reverse sexism?”
“Like, are men oppressed in your universe?”
Logan sighed. “I don't think it's fair to say that. But there have been pushes for more equality.”
“This is so fucking fascinating. I kind of want to go back to your world just to see what it's like,” Wade said, and Logan frowned.
“It's not worth it, trust me. That world wasn't made for mutants.”
“Ah. So all the energy we're wasting on humans being assholes to other humans was funneled into that kind of bigotry. Us versus them has never looked so superhuman.”
“Can we stop talking about this, please?” Logan asked, his voice a little strained. Wade hummed.
“Of course. My bad.”
“It's alright.” For a moment the background noise of the TV was the only sound in the room. Then Logan said, “Honestly, it's kind of weird.”
“What's weird, honey bunch?”
“That men are running everything over here. It makes no sense.”
“Tell that to the patriarchy,” Wade said, and Logan cocked his head.
“We used to have that in my world too. That was a long time ago though.”
More and more fascinating. “While you were alive?”
“No. Before that. Don't remember my history lessons so well, or I'd tell you more about it.”
“Damn it, Logie, you can't dangle a carrot like that in front of me and then not let me nibble on it,” Wade whined, and Logan chuckled.
“Sometimes I wonder if you can even hear yourself.”
“Oh, trust me, any phallic innuendo is one hundred percent intentional.” Wade chewed on his lip for a second. “So. Women.”
Logan sighed. “What now?”
“Don't 'what now' me, I process new information by talking about it!”
“That explains so much about you.”
“Thank you.” Wade crossed his arms. “So what I was going to say is, it's super cool that you're all about women empowerment – not that I'm not, but you're like supercharged on that shit, which is really cool of you –“
“I'm not even doing anything,” Logan protested, and Wade groaned.
“I know! You're running laps around the rest of us just by existing, like, you have it down pat, it's ingrained in your core code, it's –“
“You make it sound like I'm brainwashed,” Logan said flatly, and Wade quickly shook his head.
“No, that's not – okay, I just meant that you're really fucking good with women, and that's good for you honestly, because the bar in this universe is already so, so low for men, so it's always great to see someone be a shining example of –“
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I'm just saying you're a cool guy, okay?” Wade shouted, tossing his arms up. “And that you'll make any lady that catches your eye really fucking happy. Sue me for trying to give you a fucking compliment, Jesus!”
Logan was staring at him now, looking completely bewildered. “What?”
“Just take the compliment, jackass,” Wade snapped, more than a little frustrated now, and Logan shook his head slowly.
“You think I'm trying to get with women? What gave you that idea?”
“You – okay, yeah, fine, you haven't done anything yet, but you're also just coming out of your whole depression spiral, so it's only natural that you're not ready to –“
“I don't want any women.”
Wade paused, giving Logan a shrewd look. “I know it feels like that right now, but once you –“
“No. I've never wanted a woman period.”
There were clearly some wires getting crossed here, because that made no fucking sense at all. “What? Why?”
“Because I'm not into women,” Logan said, leaving the 'dumbass' unsaid but heavily implied. Wade was glad his brain was still able to pick up on that despite the incoherent screaming currently going on in there.
“You're gay,” he said – more of a statement than a question – and Logan shrugged.
“Yeah. Isn't every Logan?”
“Uh. Hate to burst your bubble there, shnookums, but Logan prime was a lady killer. Both literally and figuratively, depending on your definition.” Wade cocked his head. “Honestly no idea if he was a straight ruler or a bi king, but my money's on straight. Just a hunch. I have a pretty good gaydar.”
Logan rolled his eyes, but Wade could see the smile he was trying to hide. “Didn't seem to work on me.”
“Well excuse me, I just figured, since the OG Wolvie was an unattainable asshole with a whole laundry list of female conquests, that you might be too. So sorry, insincerely.”
Logan smirked as he took another swig of his beer. “Might want to get that gaydar checked, bub. I wasn't even trying to hide it.”
“Fuck off, you weren't exactly swinging a rainbow flag in assless chaps here, okay? Give me a break.”
Logan snorted. “If that's what it takes for your gaydar to work, it's not a very good one.”
“Would you shut up about gaydars?” Wade shouted, flicking one of his fries at Logan's face. The bastard caught it in his teeth. Wade wished he could say that it wasn't a massive turn-on. “You're like a million years old, why do you even know what that is?”
“I probably know more about the queer community than you. Since I've actually lived in it and all.”
Wade glared at him. “Not the fucking modern version of it you haven't. Whereas I'm a bit of an expert.”
Logan raised an eyebrow. “You?”
Wade sucked in a breath, puffing up his chest. “The B in LGBT doesn't stand for bigot, last I checked. I've been around.”
A micro expression that Wade couldn't interpret quickly enough to make sense of it flashed across Logan's face. “You're queer?”
“Bisexual, please. Be more specific.”
“Huh.” Logan's brow furrowed. “I guess my gaydar needs some work too.”
“Bi doesn't equal gay, you uncultured swine.” Wade threw another french fry. This time it hit Logan square in the forehead. “You're seriously surprised? I mean, look at me!”
“Joking about blowjobs and being obsessed with everything pink doesn't make you gay,” Logan said, and Wade whooped, clapping his hands twice.
“Very progressive of you, peanut. Good job.”
“Whatever. Don't perpetuate shitty stereotypes, bub.”
Wade gasped dramatically, putting a hand on his chest. “How dare you? I would never.”
“Right.” Logan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand like the brute he was before he brought his beer up to his lips and drained the rest of it with a few strong gulps. Wade really had to get laid more often, because simply watching an Adam's apple bob should not be getting him hot and bothered like this.
“So you're gay,” Wade said, and Logan put the bottle down with an annoyed grunt, full-on glaring at him now.
“How many fucking times –“
“Still processing!” Wade slurped on his milkshake, disappointed when he only got a tiny bit of strawberry, because the rest was melted water from the ice cubes. He drank it anyway, just to stall for time before he said, “How come you never told me?”
“Why would I? You didn't either.”
Touché. “I thought it was obvious. I flirt with you all the time.”
Logan gave him a sharp look. “That doesn't mean anything. You flirt with everyone.”
“Not everyone,” Wade said elusively. Logan's eyes narrowed.
“Does it mean something?”
“I mean, you're pretty much the perfect man, so a little flirting should be permitted, right?” Wade shrugged. “A girl can dream, after all. It's nothing serious.”
Logan set down his bottle on the couch table with a clink, then slowly straightened back up, turning his whole body to face Wade. “What the fuck,” he said quietly, “does that mean?”
“You know, I made this joke in my head earlier, that if everyone who has a crush on you gave me a dollar, I'd be swimming in it?” Wade cocked his head. “I mean, you do realize that you're a total babe magnet, right? Gender neutral 'babe' in this case? Cause if not, you might need to get your head checked.”
“Does that mean you have a crush on me?” Logan asked in such a serious tone that Wade couldn't help but bark a laugh, waving him off when Logan's eyes darkened dangerously.
“Oh, come on, can you blame me? Honestly, you'd probably be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't want to climb you like a tree, so –“
“I'm not asking about anyone else. I'm asking about you.”
Wade paused, looking over at Logan – and finally catching on to the strange shift in atmosphere. He gulped, eyes widening when he saw Logan's gaze flick down to his throat to track the motion. “Um.”
“Yes? Or no?”
“Don't punch me, I'm holding a milkshake,” Wade blurted, and Logan blinked, meeting his eyes with an incredulous look.
“I'm not going to punch you.”
“Tell that to your murder face,” Wade said, and Logan huffed, then wiped his eyes with both hands and groaned.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm trying –“
“And I'm trying to tell you that it's fine! I get it, okay, I'm not going to do anything –“
“Shut up, you fucking idiot!” Wade opened his mouth to protest, but any words he might have said died on his tongue when Logan lunged across the couch, grabbed Wade's face in both hands and kissed him. For a second it was awful, teeth clacking and necks craning painfully, but then Logan scooted forward to climb into his lap, hot and heavy and real, and Wade's eyes slipped shut when their mouths met properly, slotting together like two puzzle pieces.
Logan kissed the same way he did everything else – passionate and deliberate, single minded focus on his task. Wade felt like he was going to shatter apart after barely five seconds, his heart pounding so hard that Logan could probably hear it, his pulse ringing in his ears. Logan's hands were huge and warm on his jaw, thumbs stroking along his cheekbones as he took Wade apart slowly and methodically until he was barely more than a vaguely human-shaped puddle on the cushions.
“Why the fuck,” Logan whispered after a small eternity, his hot breath brushing along Wade's kiss-tender lips, “do you think I would punch you for this?”
“You've stabbed me for less,” Wade said breathlessly, and Logan hummed, dropping another kiss onto Wade's mouth. As Wade's brain came back online enough to process what the hell just happened, realization crashed over him like a bucket of cold water. “Oh my fucking god. You like me.”
“Took you long enough,” Logan said, having the gall to sound amused. “I asked you to move in with me. I cook for you every day.”
“Okay, technically, you never asked –“ Logan kissed his protest off his lips, and Wade couldn't even find it in himself to be the slightest bit upset about that. “Oh my god,” he blurted, tearing himself away as a terrible thought came to him. “I just fucking confessed. To you. Because I never thought in a million fucking years –“
“Well, you thought wrong,” Logan said firmly, and Wade groaned, tilting his head back against the couch.
“That's so fucking embarrassing, holy shit. I hate it when my actions have consequences.”
“Do you?” Logan asked in a deceptively mild tone, and Wade surged forward, tangling his hands in Logan's hair to kiss the absolute shit out of him, tongue and teeth and everything else he could think of to take Logan apart. When he pulled away, Logan looked delightfully dazed, and Wade couldn't resist pressing one more kiss to his bitten-red lips.
“Not this. I'm never taking this back. Just –“ Wade winced. “Can we tell our friends that I asked you out? Like, properly? Intentionally?”
“No chance in hell,” Logan said with a shit-eating grin, and Wade sighed, bowing his head.
“Yeah, that's fair.” He ran his hands up and down Logan's back, marveling at the fact that he could just – do that now. Yowza. “I'm sorry I'm an idiot.”
“Don't be. If you'd thought about it long enough, you wouldn't have said anything.” Logan grimaced. “And I sure as hell wouldn't have said anything. Might have taken us a long fucking time to get here if you had a brain to mouth filter.”
“Well, in that case, filter begone. Praise be verbal anarchy.” Wade looked up at Logan, noting every tiny speck of color in his eyes. “It's not a crush, by the way. It's way more embarrassing than that. Is that okay?”
Logan smiled. “Define embarrassing.”
“Sappy. All serious and hopeful, blegh.” Wade thunked his head down on Logan's shoulder. “Making plans for the future type shit.”
“Hm.” Logan stroked the back of his head, digging his fingertips into Wade's nape in a way that made him shiver. “I can live with that.”
“You better, cause I'm not joking,” Wade warned, and Logan chuckled, pressing a kiss to his temple.
“Good. I'm not joking either.”
“Great.” Now that it was all out in the open, Wade felt a little unmoored, like the floor was going to drop out from underneath him at any moment. But when Logan pulled back to look at him with the softest, warmest expression that Wade had ever seen on his face – he thought he might like it that way. “So what now?”
Logan hummed. “I kind of want to see your version of Star Wars,” he said, and Wade grinned.
“Only if you give me a running commentary of everything that's different.”
“I can do that.”
“And you have to cuddle me,” Wade said, which Logan rolled his eyes at, even though Wade could still see the smile lurking behind his eyes.
“Sure.”
“'Sure'? Wow, such enthusiasm, maybe I should just –“ He yelped when Logan flipped them over, dragging Wade into his lap until he was sitting between Logan's legs, leaning heavily against his chest with both of Logan's arms wrapped around him. Wade was pretty sure his whole face was flushed bright red. “Um.”
“That good enough for you, bub?” Logan asked, already reaching for the remote to bring up their Netflix queue, and Wade smiled to himself, snuggling down into Logan's arms and thanking Thor and Loki and every other deity alive for making him stumble into this Logan's universe.
“Yeah. That's perfect, peanut.”