Work Text:
The house is quiet.
Almost too quiet, though Geri tries to brush off the thought.
It’s not often she gets to have the house to herself for an entire evening, let alone a full weekend. However, it had somehow worked out - Christian’s away for the weekend on some motocross event, her stepdaughter was staying at her mothers, Bluebell was at university, and Geri had dropped Monty off at a friend’s house for a sleepover earlier that day. She’d decided to take full advantage of the opportunity and sent the house staff home as well, giving herself a proper bit of space and quiet.
She spends the night relaxed in the living room, a vanilla candle lit while she works her way through the latest thriller she’d picked up at a local bookstore after doing a signing. It’s engaging, and fast paced, and when she reaches the last page, she’s a little surprised to see that it’s only ten thirty.
She’s not tired, not really, but perhaps the quiet is a little…much. She reaches for her phone, pulling up TikTok, and starts scrolling. It’s entertaining enough…until she comes across Mel.
Her Mel.
Well, not really hers - she lost claim to Mel decades ago, when she made the choice to leave the Spice Girls, without even giving Mel the grace of an explanation at the time. Their friendship over the years has been like a fire they never learned to control; sometimes comforting, sometimes consuming, leaving them both with burns. Yet they’ve still always been drawn back to each other, unable to quite let the other go.
“Until now, apparently,” Geri muses to herself, pausing the video and staring at Mel’s face. She’s stunning, looking entirely at home with her goats, and Geri can’t help but let out a mournful sigh. She knows she has no right to be sad - she’s the one who put a slice into their fragile friendship by unfollowing Mel on social media, not quite having the strength to see Mel so happy with her new fiance. Yet there’s a tiny part of her full of yearning, that she never lets herself properly feel. It would likely devour her.
The video is a clip of a new show on the BBC, in which Mel was the feature of an episode. It only takes Geri a couple of seconds to pull her laptop close and find the entire video online, but she hesitates. Does she really want to watch this, tonight, alone? Does she really want to go through the sadness and pain and longing she keeps locked away?
Apparently, she’s enough of a masochist, that she thinks, yes.
But not enough to do it entirely sober.
She sets the laptop down on the coffee table, heading to the kitchen to pull out a bottle of her favorite red wine and a glass, then returns to the living room. She pours a liberal amount, setting the wine bottle down on the side table, before hitting play.
It starts harmlessly enough. The host, Alison, is warm and disarming, Mel is her usual charismatic self, with her big laugh and bigger smile, talking with her hands. She’s a little older than when Geri saw her last in person, but she’s aged well. Geri watches her in a way she doesn’t allow herself to most of the time, like she’s trying to memorize her all over again.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise when Geri’s name is brought up - rarely does an interview for any of the former Spice Girls occur without a mention to the band or other members. A soft ache fills Geri’s belly when she hears Mel speaking fondly of her, about her strength of ideas in the group, and she takes a long, slow swallow of wine.
Her name’s brought up again a little later into it, when Mel and the host are in her house, looking at Mel’s Spice memorabilia. Geri’s already started her second glass of wine, and she almost drops it at the next few lines.
“What are your relationships like now, like are you and Geri cool now?” Alison asks.
“Me and Geri used to butt heads a lot,” Mel replies, her northern accent coming out strong. “But I mean, you know, we were five girls together-”
“But not now?” Alison presses a little.
There’s the slightest hesitation from Mel, minuscule really, but Geri catches it all the same. “Well, no, we just don’t talk,” she admits.
The interview moves on, but Geri finds herself frozen in that moment, replaying Mel’s sentence in her head. We just don’t talk .
She rewinds it, letting it play again a second time, then a third time.
We just don’t talk.
Her stomach clenches
They hadn’t had a big falling out this time - though, she hadn’t been impressed by Mel essentially telling the world that they’d slept together in the past, during her Piers Morgan interview. Geri had thought of that time as sacred, and special, so the fact that Mel would let it out on television? That stung.
They’d tried to patch things up during the reunion, and things were good, but then Mel missed her birthday, and Geri missed Mel’s engagement party, and well, now, here they are.
We just don’t talk .
Geri drains the rest of the glass of wine, not even hesitating to reach for the bottle to pour a third glass. She sips it slower, resuming the rest of the episode, and Mel’s gorgeous and captivating, but Geri can’t pull her mind away from that one sentence.
The episode ends when she finishes that third glass of wine, the screen going dark. She sits there, ruminating in the dark, then reaches for her phone. She’s not sure if it’s her emotions or the effects of the wine motivating, but with a few practiced flicks of her thumbs, she has a blank text box open. Without thinking too much about it, she taps out ‘ Saw your BBC episode, you were great. I’m sorry we don’t talk, I miss you. ’
She hesitates for a second, questioning herself - then hits send.
“Fuck,” she mutters, the realization settling in. Is this a door she really should be opening right now? Mel’s literally getting married in a month, and Geri’s happy with her husband, and their children, and the life she’s built. Inviting Mel in could result in great happiness - but it’s also almost going to definitely mean pain.
___
The sun is far too bright.
Geri opens her eyes, the light streaming in from the open blinds hitting her, and she groans. Fuck. She’s hungover. With a groan, she rolls over and buries her face into her pillow to block out the light. Her head throbs with a dull ache, and her mouth is fuzzy from not brushing her teeth before crashing in her bed. She lies there for a moment, motionless, and she’s tempted to close her eyes and fall back asleep for a little longer.
But then it hits her.
The text.
Her eyes snap open.
She bolts upright too fast, instantly regretting it. Her head is pounding, and the room tilts a little, and she curses to herself for drinking an entire bottle of wine the night before. She hasn’t done that in decades .
But she needs to find her phone, she needs to see if Mel texted her back. It’s not on her nightstand, so she scrambles through the rumpled duvet, feeling around. When her fingers finally brush against the cool glass, she snatches it up and takes a breath, before tapping it awake.
No new text messages.
Her stomach sinks a little. What was she thinking? That Mel would read it and suddenly change everything? That they’d just slip back into whatever they used to be? That she’d forgive Geri for every time she pulled away, every time Geri chose the easy way out instead of having courage?
Maybe Mel changed her number.
Maybe she saw it and rolled her eyes.
Or maybe she saw it, and said nothing because there was nothing left to say.
Geri spends the rest of the morning in bit of a fog. She showers, accidentally shampooing her hair twice, then brushes her teeth with extra attention - anything to get rid of the reminder of what she drank last night. She gets dressed in her favorite sweater and soft jeans, and then ends up barefoot in the kitchen staring at her coffee machine like she’s forgotten how it works.
She almost texts Mel again. Something casual, or a joke, or even an apology. But every attempt she writes sounds either too desperate or too rehearsed, so she deletes them all and puts the phone face-down on the counter.
She spends the rest of the morning in the garden, pulling weeds and pruning her roses with unnecessary force. She hopes it’ll help clear her head.
It doesn’t.
___
Monty gets dropped home later that afternoon, full of stories about his weekend at his friend’s house. Geri’s glad to have him home, she’s grateful for the distraction, anything to keep her mind off her quiet phone. Christian’s not due back for several more days, so she focuses all of her attention on her son, taking him for walks outside, and cooking his favorite meals, and even letting him attempt to teach her how to play one of his video games.
When Christian does return on Thursday evening, Geri is glad to see him. Despite a few issues in their marriage, he’s been good to her, and he’s a wonderful father to Monty. So she relaxes on the sofa with him and a glass of wine once Monty’s in bed, talking about their week apart, and life as she knows it returns to its regular routine.
By Saturday, Geri’s almost forgotten about the unanswered text message that she’d sent out. She meets up in London with a friend, then attends a bookstore in London for an interview and signing for her most recent Rosie Frost book release. She’s home by early afternoon to find Christian’s taken Monty out to the cinemas, so she takes advantage of the quiet to work on her next book.
Before she’s even started, her mobile rings. She glances at the caller ID, grinning when she sees Bluebell’s name.
“Darling,” she says, and her voice softens the moment she hears her daughter’s voice. “How’s my favourite student?”
“Tired, cold, and drowning in citations,” Bluebell replies, however Geri can hear a touch of laughter in her tone. “What about you? How’s everything back home?”
Geri hesitates. “Oh, you know. Domestic bliss.”
Bluebell laughs. “That bad?”
“No, not bad. Just...quiet. I had the house to myself last weekend, which I thought would be nice, but it ended up…quiet.”
“You used to love your quiet weekends,” Bluebell comments.
“I know. I think I’ve had too much time to think lately. Makes everything feel more complicated than it is.”
There’s a pause on the other end. “Mum?” Bluebell asks cautiously. “Are you alright?”
Geri can’t help but smile to herself. She’s proud of her daughter for many things, but especially for how intuitive she is. “I’m fine,” she says, and it’s mostly true. “I guess I’m just feeling a little reflective, that’s all. I’ve been trying to write and I’m stuck with some writer's block, you know how that turns me into a walking crisis.”
“Try writing the boring bits first,” Bluebell suggests. “Then you can spiral after you’ve got a chapter done.”
“You said that like a real university student,” Geri says with a laugh. “I’m proud of you, you know?”
“I know,” Bluebell replies. “Call me if you ever need a chat, yeah?”
“I will. I love you.”
They end the call, and Geri stares at her half-finished manuscript on the screen in front of her. She doesn’t write much else for the rest of the evening.
___
Monty and Christian get home just before dinner, for which Geri had made bangers, mash, and steamed carrots. They eat, Monty filling her in on the movie, then she spends the next couple hours before he has bed helping him with last minute homework and reading a few books together.
After he’s asleep, she settles in the living room with Christian, with some action movie he’d chosen on television, but it’s enough to keep her mind occupied. Apparently not for him though, as he falls asleep with half an hour left to go.
She finishes the movie anyway, attempting to rouse him when the credits roll, but he just lets out a quiet grunt. So she covers him with a throw blanket and heads up to their bed by herself.
She’s quick to fall asleep, her dreams strange and untouchable, but then suddenly, a buzzing jolts her awake.
Her mobile is vibrating on the nightstand next to her, and she blearily looks at the alarm clock to see that it’s nearly two in the morning. Her first thought is her daughter - oh my god Blue’s in trouble - and she snatches up her phone.
But it’s not her daughter’s name on the caller ID.
It’s Mel.
She blinks, because maybe she’s seeing it wrong. Why the hell would Mel be calling her in the middle of the night? Maybe something’s wrong - she’s hurt, or one of the girls are - and without thinking, Geri answers the call.
“Mel?” she asks, cautiously. She can hear muffled music from the other side, a clink of glass tapping against something, the rustle of clothing.
“Geri?” comes a slurred, rough voice, and Geri would recognise that voice anywhere - it’s definitely Mel.
“Yeah, it’s me,” Geri says softly. “I’m here.”
“I didn’t think you’d pick up,” Mel murmurs into the phone. “Fuck. I shouldn’t’ve called. This was so - fuck, why did I call you?”
“Are you okay?” Geri asks, her tone gentle. She can tell Mel’s been drinking, for quite a while if she had to guess.
“I’m fucking wrecked, Ger. I’m at my bloody hen’s night, drunk in the loo, crying because you said you missed me.”
“You read my text,” Geri says, and she can feel her heartbeat quicken. “You didn’t reply, I didn’t think-”
“Course I didn’t reply, how could I? If I texted you back, I wouldn’t stop. D’you understand? If I said anything, I wouldn’t stop . I miss you so much it fucking hurts , Geri.”
Mel’s voice is slurring, though the pain in her tone is clear. Geri bites her lip.
“But I have to live with that, because I wanted you, and yeah, I fucked up by telling the world our history, and it meant that you pulled away again ,” Mel hisses, and there’s a bit more clarity in her voice. “After the reunion tour. After we were finally close again. Christian couldn’t handle it, right? The old rumours, the way I looked at you, all of it. So you put me back in a box to make him feel safe. And I let you. I fucking let you!”
“Mel, I-” Geri starts, but pauses. She’s not even sure how to finish that sentence, but Mel doesn’t let her.
“I hate that I’ll never have you,” Mel says, and her voice cracks a little. “I hate it. But I love you, I think I will always love you. And I’m so sorry, Geri. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Mel, it’s alright, it’ll be okay,” Geri says, trying to sooth her, but she hears Mel let out a sob.
“It can never be alright, Geri, don’t you understand that? I am in love with you,” Mel admits, her voice raw. “I’ve loved you in every part of my life, through every relationship. Hell, I think I loved you before I even really knew what that meant. And it kills me that I will never be the one you choose. And now I’m marrying someone who’s not you. And it’s not fair. He’s kind and steady and he loves me and it’s still not you .”
Geri’s speechless, silent tears running down her face. Mel’s words are glass, carving her heart to ribbons, and she has no idea what she can say to make any of it better. Then she hears a door faintly through the line, a familiar voice calling Mel’s name.
“I hate that I’ll never have you,” Mel whispers with a hitch to her voice. “But I'm always going to love you, Geraldine Estelle Halliwell. Always. I'm just sorry I've fucked us up this much.”
“Mel, baby, give me the phone,” the voice says, and there’s a fumbling. “Geri, you there?”
It’s Emma. “I’m here,” Geri manages, but her voice is cracking, and she can’t say anything else because she’s trying her hardest to not break down into tears.
“Fuck, Ger, I’m sorry,” Emma says quietly. “I only caught the end of that - Mel’s drunk, she’s crying on the floor. I’m sorry, love. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Geri manages. “I just - take care of her.”
“Absolutely,” Emma replies. “Look, I’ll call you tomorrow. We’ll talk, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Geri replies. They say bye, and Emma ends the call, and Geri just sits there in bed, staring at her mobile as the screen goes from saying Mel’s name, to black.
What the fuck .
Her heart aches, and her chest is tight, and Geri worries for a moment that those feelings are going to overwhelm her. So she presses her face into her pillow, fisting the duvet tight, and cries.
She’s ruined Mel.
Melanie Janine Brown. The woman who was the first person in Geri’s life to show her what love was. No matter who they’ve been with, or what’s been happening in their lives, Mel has always been the one who Geri’s never been able to let go of.
And to think, after all these years, Mel loves her. She’s still in love with her.
Geri doesn’t know what to do with that, so she just sighs, and cries herself to sleep.
___
Geri spends an extra fifteen minutes in the bathroom when she wakes, taking care to apply her makeup with extra attention, to hide the puffy redness of her eyes. But Christian doesn’t even notice, giving her an apologetic kiss to the cheek when he explains that he’s being called away to work, some emergency thing that requires him, and she doesn’t try to stop him.
All she can think of is Mel, and that phone call. So when her mobile buzzes after lunch, when she’s just let Monty have extra screen time and she’s made a fresh cup of tea, she sees Emma on the caller ID and answers right away.
“Hi,” she says, her voice more hoarse than she expected. She clears her throat. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Emma replies gently. “You alright?”
Geri pauses. “Not really,” she admits, and feels her eyes start to well. She blinks rapidly, fighting to keep the tears at bay. It only half works, a few slip out, and she brushes them away with the back of her hand.
There’s a moment of silence before Emma replies, “Yeah. I didn’t think so.”
Geri lets out a slow breath. “Is she okay? Mel?” she asks cautiously.
“She’s… yeah. Hungover as hell, of course, but okay. We were at her hens do, and she’d had too much to drink. I got her back to the hotel room and to bed after that.”
Geri nods, forgetting for a moment that Emma can’t see her. “Okay,” she says after a moment. “She’s okay.”
“She doesn’t remember calling you,” Emma says, after a moment’s hesitation. “This morning, she came to me and she asked why her phone shows that she called you and it lasted three minutes. She nearly had a panic attack.”
Geri presses her thumb to her temple. “Of course she doesn’t.”
“I told her you picked up, and that you stayed on the line. But I didn’t say what she said.” Emma pauses, and it’s clear that she’s trying to choose the right words. “I figured that’s not my place.”
“Thank you,” Geri says quietly. She’s grateful to have a friend like Emma.
“Look, love, I wanted to check on you,” Emma adds. “I know I missed most of what she said, but…the part I did hear, that was kind of intense.”
Geri gives a soft, bitter laugh. “That’s one word for it.”
“Are you okay?”
“Not really,” Geri admits. “I mean, yes, I’m functioning, I’m going about my daily routine and all. But I haven’t stopped thinking about it. About her, and about everything she said. Em, she told me that she’s loved me basically ever since we first met. Fuck, she basically said she’s only marrying her fiance because she can’t have me. And she hates me because we haven’t been talking, but she also loves me, and it’s killing her.”
Emma lets out a slow breath. “Jesus.”
“Yeah,” Geri replies. They’re both quiet for a few moments.
“She was really drunk,” Emma finally says. “But honestly, G…I think she meant it. After I hung up, she cried, and told me that you were the love of her life.”
“Fuck,” Geri murmurs.
“Yeah, I know,” Emma replies. “Look, I’m not saying that to make your life hard. I just thought you should know.”
“I appreciate it, Em. I’m glad I know, I just…wow.”
Emma hesitates. “Do…do you feel the same?”
Geri considers the question, then sighs. “Yeah,” she admits. “I’ve been in love with her since ‘95.”
Emma lets out a low breath. “Wow.”
“Yeah,” Geri replies, and sighs. “I think I have some thinking to do.”
“Call me, if you need to talk it out, okay?”
“I will. You’re a good friend, Em, I’m lucky to have you,” Geri tells her honestly.
“Back at you, G.”
They end the call, and Geri takes a slow sip of her cold tea.
Her mind is spinning. She keeps replaying Mel’s cracked, honest voice, Emma’s soft and steady reassurance. It gets her reflecting on her life. She’s built a beautiful life. It’s structured, safe, and full of love. Christian’s a good man to her, despite his flaws. But somewhere along the way, she buried part of herself so deeply she forgot where to look for it.
Until now.
Now it’s surfacing, all at once. Mel’s words have cracked open something Geri spent years sealing shut. The truth settles now, in her chest like a truth she can no longer un-know - she still loves Mel, completely and unequivocally.
And when she lets herself feel it, like really, truly feel it, there’s a grief to it. She feels sadness for the life she thought she was building, and for the promises she’s made. But under the grief, there’s clarity.
She can’t live a lie any longer. She knows what has to come next.
___
Geri’s sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cold cup of tea when Christian gets home. He comes into the kitchen, and greets her as he reaches into the fridge to pull out a bottle of water.
“You look a little off, is everything okay?” he asks, and leans against the counter, eyeing her.
Geri sighs. “Not really. Can we talk?”
He nods, and sits across from her at the table. “What’s this about?”
“Mel,” she says simply, and he frowns.
“Okay,” he says slowly. “Did she say something in the media about you again?”
“No, nothing like that,” she says quickly, and clears her throat. “But she called me last night, at nearly two in the morning. She was at her hen’s do, and she was drunk, and she called me.”
Christian frowns again. “Right, okay. What did she want?”
“She didn’t really want anything,” Geri says quietly. “She was drunk. Emotional. She said some things that…I think she’s been holding in for a long time.”
Christian doesn’t say anything, he just watches her warily.
Geri knows she’s about to lose her nerve so she has to force the words out quickly. “She told me she loves me. And that she’s always loved me. And I know she was drunk, and I know it’s complicated, but I just…I haven’t stopped thinking about it all day.”
He stares at her. “And what does that mean?” he asks in a guarded tone.
Geri swallows hard. “It means that I needed to tell you about the phone call, because I respect you too much not to. You’ve been wonderful to me, and I care about you so much. I love you. But it made me realize…I do still love her.”
She watches the words hit him. He draws a breath, hard and sharp, and opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, but then closes it as if he thought better of it.
“I love you , Christian,” she adds, and can hear her voice trembling. “But not in the way I love her. And it’s not fair to keep pretending I don’t feel this. It’s not fair to you, and I respect you too much to not be honest.”
He stares at her for a long time. When he finally speaks, his voice is low. “Did you ever stop?”
“What?”
“Loving her,” he says. “Did you ever stop?”
Geri blinks slowly, feeling her eyes stinging. “I tried. God, I tried. I built a life around trying. But she’s in every corner of it. I hear her in songs, I see her in Monty’s grin, I smell something in the garden and it brings me right back to us at twenty-five, stealing kisses backstage. I never really stopped. And last night just made it all… impossible to ignore.”
Christian exhales harshly, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. “Jesus, Geri.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry for telling me the truth. That’s the one thing I’m grateful for.”
They sit in silence for a while, until he eventually sighs. “I’m angry,” he says. “Not at you, not entirely. But I’m angry at her, because she waited until now to tell you all this. Now, when we have a life built, and we have Monty, and this is going to destroy everything.”
His voice cracks, and Geri reaches out instinctively, but he pulls away, shaking his head.
“I need time,” he says.
“I understand.”
“And I don’t know what this means for us.”
“I don’t either,” she admits. “But I knew I had to be honest with you. You deserve that.”
He nods, and meets her eyes. “I still love you. But I don’t think I can stay with you. Do you understand that?”
Geri’s eyes fill. “I do. And I’ll always be grateful for you. For what we had.”
He stands, looking older than he did a few minutes ago. “I’m gonna sleep in the guest room.”
She nods.
He hesitates in the doorway. “She better be worth it,” he says. He’s not cruel about it, just honest, but it still sends a bolt of glass through her heart. The door closes behind him, and Geri is left sitting alone at the kitchen table.
She doesn’t cry. She’s just upended her entire life, and it’ll never be the same. But she feels lighter . It’s easier, somehow, now that it’s all out in the open. And even though it won’t change anything with Mel, she at least can breathe a little easier. Maybe living the rest of her life with unrequited love will still be easier than living a lie.
___
The next week is hard. Christian avoids her, and he’s rightfully so to do so. She gives him his space, and when he sits her down on Wednesday and tells her that he thinks they need to divorce, she nods.
Because what else can she say? She’s the one who dropped this bomb, and she knows how unfair it must be for him, to live second place to someone he could never hold up to. So she agrees to his requests, and she appreciates that he’s being fair and mature, when he has every right not to be.
He’s calm, but his voice is brittle around the edges, and when he says “I don’t want to look at you and feel like a placeholder,” she knows there’s nothing she can say to take the sting out of that.
They sit Monty down that night. She keeps her hand on his back while Christian gently explains what’s happening, how things are going to change, but both of them still love him more than anything. Geri keeps her face composed, but her throat is raw for hours after.
She calls Bluebell too, not wanting her daughter to find out through the tabloids. Blue’s comforting and understanding, although a little confused.
“You and Christian splitting up isn’t the end of the world, Mum. Unless there’s more to the story?” Bluebell does ask.
Geri doesn’t answer that. She just says, “I’ll tell you more when I can. I just wanted you to hear it from me.”
And then, a week later, it’s out.
“Geri Halliwell and Christian Horner Announce Split After A Decade of Marriage"
It hits every outlet within hours. There’s more of a media frenzy than Geri was expecting, with tabloids dragging up every single aspect of her and Christian’s relationship over the years. She doesn’t even bother reading the articles.
By midday though, her phone’s buzzing constantly. Friends, contacts, people from PR. There’s a lot to coordinate, as well as working with her solicitor.
But when Emma ’s name flashes on the screen, Geri answers immediately.
“Hey,” she says, and her voice is already hoarse. She doesn’t know how much Emma knows yet.
There’s a pause, then: “You okay?”
“No,” Geri says quietly, “but I’m getting through.”
Emma sighs. “Mel saw the headline. She rang me in a state , G. She kept asking if it was because of her. If she’d said something on the phone that night hat pushed you over the edge.”
“What did you tell her?” Geri asks.
“Nothing - I mean, I didn’t tell her what you and I talked about, or what you told me what she’d said when she was drunk. That’s between the two of you, and I didn’t want to get involved or make things worse.” Emma pauses. “But she was panicking, G. Saying she didn’t mean to mess up your life, didn’t mean to cause problems.”
Geri sighs. “She didn’t mess anything up. She just helped me confront my own feelings, and I knew it wasn’t fair for me to keep it to myself. And Christian’s a good man, he deserves better.”
Emma lets in a sharp breath. “And you still feel the same, for her?”
“Yes,” Geri admits.
“Then tell her.”
Geri shakes her head, forgetting Emma can’t see that through the phone. “Em, I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because she doesn’t remember,” Geri says, and sighs. “She thinks it was a blur. If I tell her now, it’ll look like I’m trying to, what? Derail her life? Ruin her engagement? I can’t do that to her.”
“Honey, even if she doesn’t remember it, it’s still there, everything she feels for you. The alcohol only gave her the courage to say it. And if you feel anything back, then I think you owe her enough to tell her.”
Geri lets out a soft sigh. “I don’t even know where I’d start.”
“Then write it down,” Emma suggests. “Take the time, collect your thoughts, and tell her what she said to you, and tell her what it meant.”
“And then what?” Geri asks. She can feel a lump forming in her throat.
“That’s for the two of you to work out,” Emma says gently. “I’m not saying that it’ll even change anything. But I don’t want you to think back in twenty years and regret never saying anything. That’s not the Geri I know.”
Geri sighs again. “Okay. Emma, thank you. I know Mel and I have basically put you in the middle, and I’m sorry for that. I love you, I hope you know that.”
“I know you do, hon, I love you too. And look, you don’t need to apologize for anything. I just hate to see my two best friends hurting so much,” Emma says gently. “Look, call me anytime, okay?”
Geri agrees, and they exchange farewells, then hang up.
She sits still at her desk in her office, contemplating Emma’s words. She realizes it’s actually not a bad idea, writing Mel a letter. It’d give her the chance to properly get her thoughts and feelings out, in a way that she can control.
But thinking it, and actually doing it, are two different things. It takes half a pad of paper, and two glasses of wine, but she finally finishes with a letter that she thinks is right.
Dear Mel,
A lot has happened lately in my life, and after thinking about it, I’ve realized that I need to let you in on a few things. I talked to Emma earlier, and she suggested writing, so here goes.
A few weeks ago, your hens night, you called me. I know you don’t remember it much, Emma had taken the phone from you, and when she and I talked the next day, she said that you didn’t remember at all, that you panicked when you saw your call log, that I had answered.
I know you were drunk, and maybe I should have hung up and not listen to you at your most vulnerable. That woud’ve been the right thing to do. But I didn’t, because you told me you loved me. You told me you always have. And I haven’t been able to stop hearing your voice ever since
You said you hated that you'd never have me. That it wasn’t fair. That I was already married, and you were marrying someone else, and it still wasn’t me. And it wrecked me, Mel. Not just because of what you said, but because I knew you meant it. I know you.
And you want to know what the honest truth is? I love you too.
I’ve been in love with you since the nineties. I remember meeting you that first day, at the final audition, and driving you home and thinking what a beautiful girl you were (you still are). And over the next few years, we grew closer, and closer, and I remember thinking that my feelings were so deep for you that I was basically ruined for anyone else.
I’ve tried so hard over the years to bury it, to tell myself it was a phase, or nostalgia, or just old affection, but deep down I know it’s not, it never was. Loving you has been the one constant through every aspect of my life. And I was scared. I still am. But hearing you say those words, even through you were drunk and there were tears and anger, it cracked something open in me that I can’t close again.
I told Christian everything, about your phone call, and about how I feel. I didn’t share anything private, but I didn’t want to lie to him, not anymore. He deserves more than that, and you do too. Christian and I, we’re getting a divorce.
It’s not because of you, Mel, and I hope you believe that. This was about me needing to be honest with myself, and with him. But if I’m being completely truthful here, you’re part of it. You were always the part I tried to hide away.
I don’t know what you’ll feel when you read this. I’m also not writing this with the hope that you’ll come back to me, I know I’ve lost that chance. But that night, when you called me, even if you don’t remember it, you gave me your truth.
And you deserve mine.
With love,
Geri
____
It takes Geri another three days to work up the courage to send it. She sends it to Mel’s private PO box, after Emma helpfully texted it to her, and once the envelope drops into the wide mouth of the red postbox, she feels a rush - half fear, half exhilaration. She doesn’t know if it’ll make any difference, or if Mel will even read it - maybe she’ll see Geri’s name on the return address and rip it into pieces into the trash - but at least she tried.
Then she turns to picking up the pieces of her life, and starts creating a new normal. Christian’s moved out, living in their London apartment that Geri fully agreed to let him have despite their pre-nup. It was technically hers since before they’d gotten together, and so is their family house she’s living in. And he has some money of his own, but nothing close to her. But she knows that Monty is going to be living with him as well, and she wants to disrupt his life as little as possible - and if giving Christian that London apartment means Monty having the familiarity of his bedroom there in such a hard time? She’d do it ten times over.
Monty’s adjusting well - it’s possibly helpful that his best friend at school’s parents just got divorced as well, so he has someone to talk to. Still, Geri finds a private, but well respected family therapist, who assists with making sure Monty adjusts okay.
After a week and a half of sending the letter, Geri finds herself slowly starting to relax. Mel would’ve gotten the letter by now, but hasn’t reached out - and Geri convinces herself that she never will. It’s just a moment of their past, and Geri’s ready to move forward.
Except another week passes, and she drops Monty off with Christian, and she goes home to settle in her office in front of her computer. Her deadline for her next manuscript’s draft is coming up, and she changes into her comfiest joggers and her old, soft spice girls shirt, and makes a fresh cup of tea. She’s only just started to type though, when the doorbell rings.
She frowns - she’s not expecting anyone. However there’s no house staff home, so she pads her way through the hallway, and peers through the door glass.
It’s Mel.
Geri’s heart skips a beat, and her breath catches as she pulls the door open. “Hi,” she breathes.
“Hi,” Mel replies. She’s not smiling, but she doesn’t seem angry. She looks comfortable - her hair braided and pulled up into a bun, dressed simply in leggings and a knit jumper - but Geri thinks she’s stunning. There’s a folded white paper in her hand, her thumb worrying along the crease of the fold.
“Come in,” Geri says, standing back, and Mel steps through the threshold. Geri leads her to the kitchen, gesturing for Mel to sit at the table while she busies herself with tea, partly to make one for each of them, and partly to give her frenzied heart a chance to settle.
“Thanks,” Mel murmurs, accepting the cup from Geri.
Geri nods, sitting across from her, and they’re silent for a minute. Then Mel places the paper she’d been holding down in front of her, and Geri realizes in an instant - it’s her letter.
Mel read her letter.
Obviously, she presumed that she was likely to, but she also had almost come to terms with the thought that nothing would come from it. Mel never texted her back that time nearly a month ago when Geri had texted after watching the BBC interview, so why would she reply to a letter?
But here’s Mel, sitting right in front of her, staring at her with those brown eyes that Geri’s never been able to get out of her mind in thirty years. “You read my letter,” she says, glancing to it, then back.
“Yeah. I read your letter,” Mel replies quietly. She taps a long, manicured nail against the paper without looking at it. “I’ve read it about a dozen times now.”
Geri’s heart pounds in her chest. She curls her hands around her mug, hoping to hide the faint tremble.
“I didn’t know what to say,” Mel continues, and finally lifts her gaze. Her eyes are rimmed red a tiny bit, like she’s cried recently, or she hasn’t slept much. “I read in the papers about you getting divorced, and I worried for a moment if it had anything to do with whatever the hell we talked about when I called you drunk…and then I got your letter. I wasn’t expecting it, that’s for damn sure.”
“I didn’t expect to write it,” Geri says honestly. “But I meant every word. Although I absolutely don’t have any expectations from you about it. I just needed you to know.”
Mel exhales slowly, staring into her tea. “Honestly, it knocked me sideways, Geri. I didn’t think you still felt anything close to that.”
“I tried not to,” Geri says softly. “I really tried.”
Then Mel looks down at the letter again, running her thumb along one of the folds. “I need to tell you something though. Rory read it before I did.”
Geri’s head snaps up. “What?”
Mel meets her eyes. “Yeah. He read it. He’d picked up the mail, and he saw your return address. And he knew I’d been bothered when I heard about you and Christian divorcing, so he read it. And I was furious at first when I found out, especially since Stephen would do that to me. But he just waited for me to come home, and sat me down, and handed it to me and told me to read it. And then when I finished it, he sighed and told me that he knew I always belonged to you.”
Geri’s mouth drops open. “Wait, what?”
Mel offers up a wry smile. “Yeah. So we talked, and it wasn’t easy. But he was good about it, and kind. He’s a good man. He said he didn’t want to marry someone who was in love with someone else. And I couldn’t argue that point, because it’s true. I couldn’t lie to him. Not after that letter.”
“Fuck, Mel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause all that,” Geri says quickly, ashamed. “I never meant to break your life apart.”
“You didn’t,” Mel says cautiously. “You gave me clarity. I think I’ve known for years that something wasn’t right. He deserves someone who looks at him the way I’ve always looked at you. So we agreed to call off the engagement.”
Geri freezes. “You did?” she asks, her mind rushing to process.
Mel nods. “Yeah. It was awful. But he’s a good man, too good for me honestly. He said something like… if there’s even a chance for you and me, I had to take it.”
Geri doesn’t know how to respond to that. She take a slow sip of her tea, and Mel does the same.
“Look, I didn’t come here with a plan,” Mel says finally. “I didn’t come here expecting you to fall into my arms, or for us to pick up where we left off.”
Geri smiles faintly. “Good. Because I’d definitely need a minute.”
That pulls a small laugh from Mel, and it lingers in the air, lightening things just a little.
“I’m still figuring things out,” Mel admits. “My life has just changed massively, and I need some time to process it all. And honestly? With your divorce happening and all, I think you probably do too.”
“I do,” Geri says softly. “But I’m glad you came.”
“Me too.” Mel reaches for her cup, but doesn’t lift it. She looks up instead, her eyes catching Geri’s. “But I just wanted you to know something. I’m not running anymore. And I don’t think I want to live my life pretending I’m not still half in love with you.”
Geri blinks back the sudden wetness in her eyes. “Only half?”
Mel grins, and it’s the first real grin of the night. “Don’t get greedy.”
Geri lets out a soft laugh, and grins back. The weight of the past months lessens, and she can feel like she can finally breathe a little easier now. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
Mel reaches a hand out to Geri, and she takes it without hesitation. They don’t kiss, or make any grand declarations of having a future together. But the prospect of it is enough for Geri, and warmth blooms in her chest. She just squeezes Mel’s hand, and for the first time in a long time, she thinks that everything is going to be okay.