Archive of Our Own

A bunch of gmmtv actors gather at the office for a meeting with Tha Sataporn, Aof Noppharnach and Jojo Tichakorn. Khaotung is one of the first people to arrive and notices Book and Force sitting at the large round table. Joining them, they immediately include him in their conversation. They are amongst his favorite colleagues in the company. It’s easy to talk to them; Book is kind and introverted and Force is funny but a supportive phi.

More actors join the meeting room, including his friend Neo and his enemy First. As usual, First chatters as he walks in fashionably late together with Mark and Neo. First’s eyes follow him and despite everything that has happened, he still walks towards Khaotung.

Worried that he will sit next to him, Khaotung calls Neo over, “Neo, come! Sit here!”

Neo turns his head and smiles at him. “Of course!” He walks past First while Mark drags First into the chair next to him, thankfully far away from him.

“Are we finally gonna be lovers in a series, Tung?” Neo asks, grinning at his friend.

Khaotung laughs. “Who knows.”

Once everyone has arrived, including the CEO, the producer and the director, the meeting starts.

“The industry is changing rapidly,” Tha explains, “And we need to go along with the tide, but create our own unique twist. I have faith that Jojo can create a fresh series that is both spicy and dramatic.”

“As we told your managers, Only Friends will be an ensemble show with six main characters,” Aof clarifies as he darts his calm gaze around all the actors. “We want to mix up the couples—”

Khaotung listens with an attentive ear as Aof gives more insight into the series they want to produce, while First yaps with Mark and doesn’t pay attention at all. Fingers clutch a little tighter around his coffee mug as he stares daggers at First. Can the guy ever stop talking?

Whenever Khaotung has the misfortune of being in the same place as him, he’s always talking, laughing or hugging someone. He doesn’t take anything serious. This is not a frat house where he can have fun with his bro’s, this is a real job. He should respect his seniors and his work much more.

“Force and Book will play the characters of Top and Mew,” Tha says. “For the other two main couples, we looked for actors who are not in an official pairing.”

“This show will be far more daring than anything gmmtv has produced so far,” Jojo explains. He leans forward and despite his height—or lack thereof—and soft voice, he demands attention. “You will have to get intimate with several cast members, since this series is about real struggles young gay people deal with. It’s about cheating, exploring your sexuality and so much more.”

“We will give you all the pilot script, including a character sheet of the character we think would suit you,” Aof says as he grabs the stack of scripts and hands them over to all the actors. “You can read the script and the information about the character you can audition for next week. We’ll give your managers more details later on.”

Last week, Khaotung’s manager told him about the meeting for a groundbreaking series the company wants to produce and how they want him to audition for one of the lead roles. His latest series, 55:15 Never Too Late, was well received, but did not become an immense success.

This new show could be a hit or a miss, but it has the potential to become internationally acclaimed. Nothing in this harsh business is handed to you, you have to work very hard for every opportunity—with the exception of some. Some actors get offered roles because they are already a very famous actor like Nanon or a very beloved couple pairing like OffGun. Or they have connections and wealth.

Khaotung has neither. He isn’t that famous yet and isn’t in an official couple pairing, which definitely hurts his career. As much as he enjoyed working with his previous acting partners, it never felt right to be a fixed couple. Podd guided him as he ventured into the world of acting as a young, somewhat naïve teenager. He will always be grateful for his support, and they will remain friends, but it felt more like a phi-nong relationship. The spark to create something magical was absent.

Until he finds that special person where he just knows they are right for him, Khaotung would rather fly solo. Having that special person doesn’t mean everything goes smoothly; he knows it’s still a challenge. Earth and Mix have had their fair share of fights, but no matter what happened before, they will always be there for each other. They will always care for and love each other, trusting one another completely. Same goes for Joong and Dunk. Although opposites in many ways, they are both very clingy and caring. They’ve faced many hardships together, but instead of it causing their partnership to crumble, it made them stronger.

Khaotung knows that if he ever ends up in a couple pairing, he wants it to be with someone he fully trusts and can be himself with. He wants to be with someone he loves. It doesn’t have to be romantic love, but it has to be love.

He knows how the industry works and he knows he can’t commit if his heart and soul are not in it. It would be a form of betrayal to his loyal fans who have stuck by him throughout his career.

After finishing his work schedule and having dinner with his family, Khaotung goes to his room to read the script of Only Friends. He takes it out of his backpack and turns the first page. Added on with a paperclip, is the character sheet. During the meeting, he already took a quick glance but now he can read all the details about Ray Pakon.

The writers wrote extensive details about Ray, from his appearance and character traits to his background and traumas. A deep, intricate person with depression and alcohol addiction. From the character sheet alone, Khaotung can feel that this character is very different from anything he has played before.

Intrigued, he reads the pilot script, particularly the scenes involving Ray. Khaotung runs a hand through his hair, nervousness bubbling up inside of him. He appreciates that those involved with the series thought of him for Ray. They believe in his acting abilities, especially after his roles as Gaipa and Paul.

But Khaotung isn’t sure if he can do what they expect. Can he portray such a complex character and do Ray’s story justice?

As he reads on, tears well up in his eyes. He already feels so much for a character on a piece of paper. Loves the story of Ray and Sand. And although uncertain of his own abilities, he will do everything he can to get the role.

Raucous cheers and clapping ensues as fellow actors show their appreciation of Khaotung’s solo audition. He auditioned with Ray’s heartfelt confession to Sand by using his therapist as a substitute. The scene immediately touched him when he read it and he knew it was the perfect scene for his audition.

“You are our Ray,” Jojo says as he wipes away a tear at Khaotung’s heartfelt performance.

Aof gives a hint of a smile and adds, “I knew you could.” Jojo has always been more outspoken and expressive whereas Aof maintains a more professional demeanor. However, both seem very impressed with his audition.

“Thank you.” Khaotung bows at his senior, feeling relief washing over him.

“We have three options for Sand right now,” Jojo explains to Khaotung before he turns to Aof. “Why don’t we do the couple audition first instead of the Sand solo audition? See which actor works best with Khaotung.”

Aof nods in agreement. “Sure, let’s do it.”

Taking a glance around the room filled with many of his colleagues, Khaotung wonders who amongst them are auditioning for the role of Sand. Force and Book already have their respective roles, and he knows Neo will audition for the role of Boston. Maybe Mark could play Sand? Or perhaps AJ; he does quite fit Sand’s vibe.

“Sing, please step forward.”

Khaotung and Sing Harit acknowledge each other’s presence with a casual smile. Sing is one of Khaotung’s friends in the company and a solid actor. It would be a pleasure to work with him. Though it’s hard to imagine him as Sand; he already has a different picture in his head.

Inhaling a deep breath, Khaotung stretches his neck back and forth to get ready to perform the scene as Ray. Whatever he hoped for or imagined when it comes to the character of Sand, probably won’t come true anyway. He can’t raise his hopes too high. As long as he can perform alongside someone who is pleasant, takes his job seriously and he can bounce off in a natural manner, Khaotung will be satisfied.

Performing the first meeting between Ray and Sand goes rather well. Sing is well prepared and memorized all his lines to perfection. Everyone in the room claps as a way to show their support when they end their couple scene.

“That was good,” Jojo says, but he doesn’t seem nearly as excited or convinced as he was when he saw Khaotung’s solo audition.

“It was solid,” Aof agrees as he scribbles something on his piece of paper. “It just felt a little stiff, too rehearsed.”

Next up is AJ. A gorgeous man who’s looks definitely fit the vibe he pictured for Sand; he might just be a tad too young. AJ was one of the first people he met when he signed to gmmtv. Although they don’t hang out that often, Khaotung has always liked him and his brother.

Sadly, the audition doesn’t go natural at all. His deliverance feels too light-hearted and comedic.

“I don’t think you were on the same vibe level and—” Jojo cuts himself off as First Kanaphan enters the room.

“Sorry,” he apologizes with a smile too bright and insincere.

Khaotung wants to roll his eyes. Of course he is late to his own audition. He never takes anything seriously and still shows off his pearly white teeth. It’s so disrespectful to his seniors and his fellow actors. He hates how First and many more of his colleagues don’t respect the art as much as he does.

Khaotung always gives his all for any role. This whole weekend he was cooped up in his room to memorize his lines and study his character until he mastered the fine line. The fine line between making it perfect enough to not stumble during the audition but still keeping it authentic and natural. Making sure he understood the character more than his lines, making sure he could improvise on the spot if he needed to.

“It’s fine.” Jojo gives him a casual hand wave. “Are you up for doing the couple audition first?”

Khaotung spins his head back to First, staring wide-eyed at him. Panic erupts in his gut at the sudden realization: First will audition for the role of Sand.

“Of course,” First replies with another bright smile.

As the shock gradually fades, other negative emotions emerge. Khaotung already knows they won’t be a good match. Please, First as Sand? That doesn’t make any sense. The only thing they have in common is fake kindness to everyone. Nobody can be that nice all the time and be genuine. Nobody can laugh and smile that much and be actually happy. It’s all just a façade.

“Okay, get ready!”

Khaotung slips into the role of Ray once more. As much as he hates First, he will always remain professional. Show him how a true professional acts and does. Maybe he could learn a thing or two.

Hanging over the toilet—using a simple wooden chair as a prop to improvise the scene—Khaotung pretends to be drunk off his ass. At least it’s easy to get annoyed at First. Doesn’t even have to act.

“Are you okay? Where are your friends?” First asks, as Sand.

Khaotung looks up from his toilet chair and a grumpy expression crosses his face. “I’m okay. Who the heck are you?” he asks, jumping in defense mode. He stands up and crosses his arms. “Do we know each other, huh?”

First sighs. “We don’t.” He leans forward and in an irritable tone of voice, he points out, “But this is a bathroom, not your bedroom. If you are drunk, go home. Don’t sit here and be people’s burden.”

“Shia,” Khaotung curses, and he pushes First. Partially because he’s always wanted to push him and that cheerful expression off his face and partially because he feels like Ray; drunk and infuriatingly offended.

Instead of being taken aback by Khaotung’s improvised early shove, First steps even closer, towering over Khaotung. His stance and aura threatening, completely different from his usual demeanor.

“I’m warning you nicely and you go and touch me?”

Khaotung huffs. “Touch you? I don’t want to touch someone like you.”

First grabs onto his shirt, the two coming even closer and staring daggers at one another. “And I wanted to fucking pee instead of dealing with a shitty drunkard.”

“Fuck you!”

“CUT!”

For a few seconds, the room stays silent. Khaotung looks up at First with an astonished expression. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he liked how they bounced off each other. This is the first time during this audition where he improvised, and it felt natural. Neither of them were caught off guard, they continued and stayed in character.

Looking away, he clenches his hands into fists. It must be because of the type of scene they played together, Khaotung tells himself to ease his mind. Shouting at First and shoving him comes naturally, that’s all. Surely, they won’t be a great fit.

Then, the room erupts in whistles and thunderous applause.

“We found our Sand and Ray!”

Khaotung nearly cries out in horror as he stares at the director. “What?!”

Jojo’s whole face lights up like a kid discovering presents under the Christmas tree. “That was magnificent!”

Aof and the other actors nod along as Jojo continues his praise. Some of them whisper amongst themselves. Khaotung hears bits and pieces, words like ‘obvious’ and ‘natural’.

“Really?” First and Khaotung asks in unison.

Aof nods. “It was obvious to everyone.”

“What was?”

“The chemistry!” Jojo points out. “It goes straight to your heart, gosh!”

Even Sing and AJ agree with mildly defeated expressions.

“It felt very natural, and the acting was far beyond what we could’ve hoped for, especially for a first audition with such complex characters.”

Khaotung is stunned, unable to say anything. Wrapped up in a spiral of negative thoughts. Normally, they would discuss with the CEO first before making their final decision, but it seems that Jojo and Aof are already dead-set on the two of them.

Can he still decline the role which he so desired at first? It would not only be highly unprofessional, but also extremely petty. However, he can’t imagine having to work together with a slacker yet talker like First. How is he ever going to survive?

“Congrats Khaotung,” First says with a bright smile. “I can’t wait to work together! We should exchange numbers and talk about our roles and—”

He babbles on but his voice fades into the background as Khaotung’s mind drifts off. Oh god, this is actually happening. The only way he’s ever going to survive this upcoming year is by drinking like his character Ray. He needs to be buzzed and mildly sedated to be able to work together. How can First still not see how annoyed he is?

They met each other a few years ago as newbies at the company. Alongside a few others, the newbies had acting workshops and classes together. Khaotung disliked First from the very first meeting. He laughed and chatted with everyone as if they were all his besties. Loud, brazen, and trying way too hard to get everyone to like him. Every quality he hates in a person wrapped up in a boy with a smile too flashy and fake.

Whereas Khaotung tried his utmost to ignore him, First tried even harder to interact with him. Including him in conversations, asking him along to eat with the group, proposing to work together for acting exercises and whatnot. Khaotung declined each offer. In a polite manner at first, but in a harsher fashion as First persisted in annoying him. He focused most of his attention on Neo and Ciize, two other newbies he did get along with.

Thankfully, after a few torturous months of acting classes together, their schedules didn’t align anymore. They both had a couple of side and lead roles in separate series with separate promotional activity. Since they were not amongst the most popular actors in the company or part of an official couple pairing, they didn’t have any joint special events like Love Out Loud fanfest.

Only on occasion, they passed each other at the office, or they met at a work party or event. And despite Khaotung barely acknowledging his presence, First never gave up. Not taking the hints or simply not caring.

“Let’s talk later, okay?” Khaotung says, trying to be polite. The news still hasn’t fully sunk in yet as he walks towards the restroom. Should he be honest and express his worries about working with First? Should he talk to Jojo and suggest Sing as Sand instead?

He pushes the door of the public restroom, enters inside and walks past the urinals. The stench of stale urine fills his nostrils. Scrunching his nose up in disgust, he grabs the sides of one sink. Standing in front of a huge mirror with hunched shoulders, he sighs deeply.

Khaotung knows he doesn’t have the fame or status to doubt the director or to request a different acting partner. Besides, what if they loved First as Sand so much that they would rather ditch him and find a new Ray?

From the moment he read the character sheet of Ray Pakon and read the first page of the script of Only Friends, Khaotung was in love. In love with the character and the story. He knew he would do anything to get the role. He wanted to prove himself and show a new side to his loyal fans.

He doesn’t want First to sabotage this opportunity or his growth as an actor.

Looking up, he stares at himself in the mirror and almost laughs in bittersweet amusement. Worst of all, if he’s completely honest, he liked their audition together the most too. And if he was put in Jojo’s or Aof’s shoes, he would’ve also picked the two of them.

Hey Khaotung. I got your number from Book. He told me that you don’t respond that much to texts, but I just wanted to see if you wanted to get something to eat together?

Khaotung rolls his eyes and huffs as he reads First’s message on Line. The thought of working with him already exhausts him beyond words. The mere thought of having to share his precious mealtime with him is even worse. He is positive that First is one of those people who would propose sharing food. Or would stare at you until you give him a bite of your dinner—which would escalate into asking for more bites until half of it is eaten by him and you are left wondering, why the fuck you didn’t order this yourself?

So we can discuss our roles together. And maybe practice lines together.

Annoyance shifts to surprise and even the tiniest slither of curiosity. Two days ago, during a visit at the company, the CEO officially granted them the role of Ray and Sand. Khaotung didn’t dare do anything but thank him for the role and congratulate First half-heartedly.

It will be at least a month before they’ll start filming the pilot trailer. A bunch of people behind the scenes are working hard on finding locations to film, hiring extra crew and cast and making sure everything is in order. Then it will be at least another six months before they’ll start filming the official series, depending on how well the pilot is received.

Khaotung didn’t expect First to be this serious about the role. So far, he hasn’t been serious about anything.

He waits a few days before he responds to his text: Let’s wait until we have a shooting date.

He checks his other messages, leaves them on read and wants to close his phone when First’s reply pops up on his screen: Oh yeah, sure! If you want to hang out in the meantime, let me know, okay?

Khaotung ignores his message, closes his phone and goes back to strumming his guitar.

Ღ

A few days later, he receives another series of text from First:

I researched about alcoholism and how people can be high-functioning alcoholics. They might still exhibit signs of alcohol dependence but are able to manage most responsibilities. I think Ray might be one of those. He would probably also deny being an alcoholic and sees alcohol as a reward.

By the way, my character Sand will be a singer who plays the guitar. But I don’t actually play guitar, you do, right? Maybe you could teach me?

Khaotung stares at the messages on his phone screen, his thumb hovering over the keyboard. He swallows hard against the tightness in his throat, waves of guilt churning in his stomach.

Yes, First is an annoying talker who doesn’t know when to stop blabbering. He forces himself on people and invades people’s privacy even when they clearly don’t like him—people being Khaotung in this particular case.

He already did a lot of research for both of their roles and likes to discuss their characters together. It shows that he takes this job more seriously than he assumed.

Only mildly irritated, he answers him: I can teach you

Only seconds after sending it, First replies: Really???? Thank you!!!!! :D

Once more, Khaotung is bewildered beyond words. He is so quick, so eager. It makes him panic and wants to retract his stupid, thoughtless offer. An offer he made out of guilt.

Perhaps he can ask someone else to help First. He doesn’t want to get stuck with him for a whole day to teach him to play the guitar. He lets out a deep groan, feeling frustration building up inside.

Ღ

“Nice,” First says as he smells the body of Khaotung’s guitar and smiles.

Khaotung can only stare, unblinking. Nobody has ever stunned him into silence as often as First has. His habits are odd. His way of interacting with people is odd. He is odd.

Khaotung couldn’t find a suitable replacement to teach him. And despite dreading today all week, he couldn’t justify canceling the appointment he offered himself. Besides, he has to work with First as an acting partner, he might as well get used to it. Perhaps he can ease himself into working with him by meeting a few times before. Like exposure therapy. Exposing yourself until each time you are confronted with your fear—or subject of anger—you get less afraid, less angry.

“Make sure you sit comfortably as you hold the guitar,” Khaotung explains. “Otherwise, you won’t be able to play well.”

First listens attentively as he explains the basics of playing the guitar. Teaches him the basic fretting and strumming techniques and helps him play his first cords. First stays remarkably quiet, only interrupting Khaotung a few times to make a silly joke or to tell a long, far too detailed story he recalls.

After three hours, the two take a break. Khaotung gets them some drinks and snacks. When he returns to the living room, he sees First petting Vaanjoy and Montow. Vaanjoy, although having a resting bitch face, loves attention. She is not afraid of strangers and doesn’t mind being held. Montow on the other hand, is much easier frightened. He doesn’t like strangers and doesn’t let them pet him.

“You are so beautiful,” First says with his infamous bright smile as he scratches Montow behind his ears. The cat is purring and leaning closer to First. “Such a pretty boy, so soft.”

Again, Khaotung is stupefied on the spot. A warm feeling spreads through his chest. Anyone who can make his cat feel comfortable and happy gets automatic bonus points. Or in First’s case; they will be added up to the minus points he scored before.

“Montow usually avoids strangers,” Khaotung expresses as he puts down the tray on the coffee table.

First looks up with his big eyes. “Ah, really?”

The two chat about Khaotung’s pets for a while as they enjoy a refreshing drink and some salty bites.

Hours pass by as they continue the guitar lesson and talk about the series in more detail. As evident by his texts, First is very dedicated to his work for Only Friends. He already learned a lot about Sand as a character and how he wants to portray him.

It’s nothing like the slacker Khaotung knows him as. “It’s great,” he mumbles inwardly as the tiniest smile breaks through his aloof demeanor.

“What is great?”

Khaotung’s eyes widen as he looks up and admits, “To see how you are very earnest about your work. I like it.”

Now it’s First who’s speechless—so, he does have a mute button. A blush appears on his cheeks. “Oh, th-thank you. I love acting.”

“Same.”

“You are my favorite actor in the company.”

An inaudible gasp leaves Khaotung’s lips. Several intense emotions explode in his mind, popping and crackling like fireworks. He’s unable to respond to the sudden warm words of flattery, knowing how this very morning he nearly cancelled the appointment with a flimsy excuse.

“Should we order dinner and talk some more about the pilot trailer?” First suggests. For the first time, he’s thankful for his need to fill silence with words. “Or we can go grab something to eat nearby? I looked up several restaurants in the neighborhood. You know, uh, just in case.”

Khaotung opens his mouth to decline. First has been here for over five hours and that’s usually his limit with people who drain him. But he closes his mouth again and feels. Surprisingly, he isn’t that tired. His body doesn’t crave a nap, and his mind doesn’t long for some time alone to recharge.

Did he actually enjoy First’s company? The bright-eyed boy was still talking a lot throughout the day, and he had his very odd moments, but it wasn’t as unbearable as he thought it would be. In all honesty, it was kind of a pleasant day.

“Sure, let’s order food.”

First’s face beams in response. His eyes crinkle with mirth and his mouth stretches in a wide, gummy smile.

First walks into the office, carrying two plastic bags and a large cardboard tray filled with paper coffee cups. As usual, he is late again. But this time, instead of holding grudges and letting his hatred gain the upper hand, he observes without judgment.

With a smile, First hands everyone their coffee. Some thank them for the coffee, others don’t. None of them suggest paying him back or giving him something in return. Opening one plastic bag, he even places a disposable plate with freshly made cookies on the round office table. Eager, grabby hands reach for the plate.

“Thank you,” Khaotung says as First gives him his latte macchiato. “How much was it?”

First waves a dismissive hand as he sits down next to him. “It’s okay.”

Judging by the way he reacts and how others did, he has done this countless times before. Khaotung makes a mental note to buy him coffee for their next meeting.

The other actors munch on their cookies, sip their coffees, and talk casually amongst each other as they wait for the meeting to start. Normally, Khaotung would do anything to avoid having to talk to First, this time he is the one who initiates the conversation.

“Did you practice on the guitar?”

He receives a wide smile, followed by a long, rambled response until the meeting starts. It’s a read through combined with a simple workshop for the scenes in the pilot trailer, which they will film in two weeks. 

The read through is quick and easy, there are only a few remarks and suggestions. Meanwhile, the workshop in a tiny office room around a large round table is both hilarious and awkward. But it’s enough for the pilot trailer. Enough to gauge the interest of fans and sponsors.

Many hours later, they finally leave the office. Mark and First suggest going out and eating together as a group. Khaotung’s initial reaction is to refuse, but Neo, Book and Force welcome the idea and coax him to join. He doesn’t have the heart to decline.

“We can share the dishes,” Mark says with a deadpan expression. But with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he adds, “Since we’re gonna swap saliva anyway!”

Everyone laughs at Mark’s cheeky remark.

They walk to a casual restaurant nearby when they spot a young boy selling roses. Everyone greets him with either a nod and a smile or a simple ‘hello’ as they pass by, but First stops. He crouches down to be at eye level with this kid and talks with him. Within a split second the tone of his voice, his expression and his overall attitude has shifted.

Khaotung pauses and watches, the others too busy talking to notice. With a soft, almost child-like voice, First asks the boy some questions. Then, he gives him 500 baht—probably more than all the red roses combined in his little hand—and receives one single, beautiful red rose.

Khaotung stares at them in awe, his face aglow with a soft smile he cannot hide.

“For you.”

Khaotung’s heart skips a beat as First offers the rose to him with a shy smile. Tears threaten to well up in his eyes, but he stubbornly blinks them away.

“T-thank you.”

“Two classic Pad Thai’s with a side of Som Tam please,” Khaotung orders for the two of them.

“Coming right up.”

Almost two weeks and a few interactions later, he and First are out for dinner. It’s the night before they’ll start to film the pilot trailer and First asked him out to eat. It didn’t take long for Khaotung to accept his offer.

Ever since they met at Khaotung’s home, and since he’s been paying closer attention to First without his clouded judgment, he’s seeing him in a whole new light. All those grudges, all the feelings of hatred that he felt in the depths of his soul, have vanished. Melted away like the snow beneath a vernal sun. All of it seems so incredibly petty and stupid now.

Although First can still talk a lot and be rather animated in his voice and gestures, he is also a great listener. He is kind, intelligent and calm—a word he never thought he would use for him. His smile isn’t a façade. Not really. First just wants to spread happiness around him.

“I think Sand already liked Ray.”

Shaking his head and looking up, Khaotung snaps back to reality. “Huh?”

“Based on the script and how I interpret the characters,” First explains, “I think Sand already liked Ray before their first official meeting.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I mean, it’s clear that Ray and his friends often hang out at Yolo and Sand works there as a singer. So, they must have seen each other before, right? When they are at the concert, Sand says that Ray never paid attention to him. Which to me indicates that Sand not only saw Ray before, but he was also interested enough in him to notice that. He liked him, even though Ray ignored him.”

They share a silent look. And perhaps it's him creating delusions in his own head, but it feels like First’s words possess a double meaning. The slight blush that creeps up his cheeks tells Khaotung that it’s probably not just his imaginative mind.

Khaotung looks away, a familiar warmth and a new feeling of giddiness radiates through him. At this exact moment, he decides he wants to give a little bit of happiness back to First.

“Have you ever been hit on by a guy?” Khaotung asks, transforming into a seductive, wealthy boy with more traumas than money and booze.  

“Of course,” First replies in Sand’s casual voice. “Been hit on by people of all genders. I’m open. I focus more on the individual’s personality.” He takes a drag from his imaginary cigarette before he looks up and stares at Ray. And suggestively adds, “If we click, I’m ready to open up.”

The scene should be filled with sexual tension, but Khaotung feels another type of tension accumulate as he stares into First’s beautiful, big eyes. His breath quickens, his chest heaves sharply.

Time has flown by, and over six months have passed.

Khaotung can’t imagine a life without First in it anymore. He has become such an ingrained part of his life. Both his work and private life. Coworkers, friends and family, have called them Siamese twins. And he can’t blame them.

It should be strange that the person he once hated is now his comfort person. But it isn’t. It all feels so incredibly natural, something he has never experienced before. Not to this extent.

For the last six months, he tried his hardest to give back some of that happiness. Attempted to be at least half as kind and warm as First. He brought him coffee and cookies, texted and called him back within a day, and accepted his dinner invitations. And he invited First to do fun activities like Karaoke or gaming together. Anything to show he cared.

But no matter how hard he tried, it didn’t alleviate the guilt in his heart. He never apologized for his behavior, for his judgment. He wanted to show his regret with actions rather than words, but it’s not enough.

Khaotung’s jaw clenches together, pulse strumming in his ears. All of his suppressed guilt comes to the surface, overwhelming him.

“Are you okay?”

Forcing himself to look up into First’s eyes, Khaotung inhales a deep, painful breath. “I’m sorry for how I treated you all these years. For not giving you a chance. I misunderstood—no, misjudged your personality.”

“It’s okay.”

Khaotung’s heart shatters and tears cascade down his face. Even now, he is still far too kind.

As they’ve become closer over time, Khaotung has noticed how people take advantage of his kindness. Whether it’s letting him pay, making him do extra work, or even using him as a scapegoat for their own frustrations. The more he saw it, the angrier he got.

The worst part of it all was seeing himself in the people who took advantage of him. No matter how many times Khaotung ignored him or treated him wrongly, First remained kind and tried to make contact.

“It’s not okay,” Khaotung says vehemently, clenching his trembling hands into fists. Shedding silent tears of anguish. “You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Not by me, not by anyone.” His voice quivers and his chest constricts painfully, but he forces himself to continue, “You are far too good, too kind for this world. Don’t let people abuse your kindness, don’t let them walk all over you. But also, never lose that goodness, that pureness in your heart First. It’s a thing of beauty.”

Choked up, First says, “Thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance Tung.”

Khaotung pulls him into a firm, warm embrace as the two silently sob together.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” Guilt dissolves into a million little pieces, still dangling in the air. Not forgotten but not constricting his heart anymore. Khaotung doesn’t know what he did in a previous life to deserve this amount of kindness and love from someone, but he will cherish it and return it to his best ability.

They haven’t even started filming the official Only Friends series yet, but as he holds First’s slender, trembling frame, he already knows. He wants him. Wants him and First to become an official couple pairing. Wants to work with him for many years. More importantly, wants to become closer friends and possibly more.