Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

William never thought there was more to life than torture and pain . His birth was a curse from the beginning. His grandmother had told him from the moment that he could remember that he was a plague on his family's life. According to her, the first glimpse of his ugly mug was enough to send his birth father in a spiral, and he had barely learned how to walk when his father took a chainsaw to his mother and himself. Since then, his life pretty much turned downhill.  

It had been about 5 or so years now since he had packed his bags into his grandmother's car and drove off in the middle of the night, most of his life left behind as well as a note telling his grandparents to go to Hell. William wanted a fresh start, and if he could, he would’ve set his neighborhood ablaze as he drove off down the street. He had escaped with only a handful of mementos, whatever cash he could dig out of his grandma’s purse, and his bass. His bass was the first and only thing he had purchased with his own money, and though he could barely play the damn thing, it was his finest possession. 

So here William was now, homeless and living out of his car, driving aimlessly. He had traveled from Indiana all the way up North, just looking around. It’s not like his grandparents ever shelled out the cash for a family vacation considering they were on welfare, so William took advantage to look at local landmarks. But there’s only so many fucking rock formations and mountains you can look at before you get bored (at least the Civil War museum at Pennsylvania was somewhat exciting).

William sighed as he looked at his dashboard, seeing how low his gas was getting after the overnight drive. Most of his cash had gone through the damn car at this point. He pulled into the nearest gas station, in the butt-fuck of nowhere in the outskirts of New Jersey, or something. He wasn’t completely sure, everyone spoke way too quickly and way too loudly for him to pay any attention to. He parked at the only open pump and went to swing his door open when some jackass in the gas station uniform slammed his car door, pointing at the sign at the station, 'No self service'. 

What the fuck? 

Whatever. 

William sighed and leaned back in his seat, waiting for the gas pumper or whatever to finish so he could just move on, when he heard screaming to the left of him. 

He turned his head to observe the next car over. There was some old fuck in a Ford truck screaming at what looked like a young woman, messy brown hair spilling out from under her black beanie, sporting a large white tattered shirt and ripped brown jeans. She was unusually tall, the guitar case strapped to her back emphasizing her height. Now normally William minds his own business with situations like these, it wasn’t his responsibility to help. It’s not like anyone ever offered him a helping hand. However, despite how full the gas station was, no one had even turned their head. Even the gas station attendants seemed indifferent to what was going on. So he felt as the only witness he needed to intervene. Besides, as a man, it was his duty to protect a woman in danger. 

William swung the door open to his stupid fucking Mercury Grand Marquis at the protest of the attendant and walked across the lot, shoulders back and head held high. Once he neared the car, the douche still yelling profanities, he opened his mouth. 

“Hey asschole, what'sch your fucking problem!” He questioned, sliding in front of the young lady protectively. 

“Why don't you mind your fucking business, fatass.” The man sneered out the window, gaze not breaking from the woman’s stare. 

“It'sch my business when a lady is involved!” Murderface stated a-matter-of-factly, crossing his arms defensively. 

“Ums, ams nots a lady..” a timid voice spoke from beside him. He looked behind him to see big blue eyes hidden under long bangs staring back at him. His features were thin and delicate, high cheekbones and long lashes, but also very clearly male. William furrowed his brow in confusion and looked back at the car to an equally confused man. Seems like they both thought this random dude was a woman. 

Now William was lost here. He had entered the situation under false pretenses, but he couldn’t back out now without looking like a bitch. His pride was at stake here. Plus, the guy had called him fat, so now this was personal.  But he also didn’t want to protect a dude , that would be kind of gay. 

The guy in the car rolled his eyes, seemingly processing the situation, “Fuck, just take your rent boy or whatever and get out of here okay? I’m not giving him shit.”

Alright, that's it. 

William bent down and grabbed his knife from his boot, brandishing it in front of the guy's face with a wave. 

“Why don't you fuck off!” William growled, twirling the knife in his hand, “Or are we gonna have a fucking problem.” 

The man’s eyes widened in terror, but he tried nonchalantly to brush it off, “Whatever, faggot, my gas is filled anyways.” 

William watched as the guy rolled up his window and began to pull out of the parking lot, flipping him off all the while. Once he saw the car disappearing from the horizon, he re-sheathed his knife back in his boot and began to walk back to his car. Then he heard the voice from behind him again. 

“Um, t’anks you for helping me...” 

He turned to the girly dude behind him, who had his shoulders hunched and was looking down at him, wringing his hands together awkwardly.

“Whatever.” He turned and continued his walk back but heard the footsteps follow. He turned back around. The dude stayed the same distance from him, which meant he was following him. He turned back and continued, hearing the footsteps behind him again. When he got back to his car he whipped back around, the guy now right behind him. 

“What the fuck do you want? I don't have any casch either, ya know!” he snapped, the guy flinching at his tone. 

“I want's to asks hows to get to California.” The guy said timidly, “Ams what I asked hims before but he just yells at me for botherings him. I ams’t even asks him for money.” 

“California? What for?” 

“Ams going to becomes famous!” The guy said confidently, and William couldn't help but snort. He must’ve been on something, it was the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. 

“Yeah schure, good fucking luck with that.” William scoffed, opening up his car door. Before he could get in, the guy reached over and slammed the door shut, essentially pinning William up against the car. William turned angrily and looked up at him in challenge, but the guy didn’t back off, looking him square in the eye. 

“You can laughs at me, I don'ts care. I just wants to go to California. Tells me where to go, please.” 

 William wasn't typically a kind person, he was raised to be selfish and unforgiving. Raised to believe that kindness and trust would just screw you over in the end, and that the world would chew him up and spit him back out if he ever gave it a chance. But there was something about how this kid looked at him that made him falter for a second. 

The kid had obviously been through a lot. He was tired, dirty, smelled like he hadn't showered in weeks, homeless and starving. He was the spitting image of himself. His eyes, though, were filled with something he hadn't seen in the last 22 years he’d been alive; hope. 

William broke eye contact, cursing himself out. He shouldn’t be doing this, he really shouldn’t be doing this. But the way he saw it, he had to help the kid out. At least enough that the guilt didn’t eat him alive for abandoning this lamb in the forest with the wolves. Sure, the guy could actually be a murderer and end up robbing and killing him, but he’d never be so lucky. So with a huff, William grabbed his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the other car door. He grabbed the kid’s arm and shoved him away from the car, motioning him around the other side. 

“Get in the car.” 

“What?”

“Get in the car before I change my mind.” 

“But I just want-” 

“You need to take a busch to get across the whole fucking country, the nearest Greyhound is like an hour drive at leascht . If you walk there, it'll take like 6 hoursch, if you’re lucky . Now get in the damn car or I’ll run you over on the way out.” 

The guy pursed his lips, clearly unsure, but nodded all the same, making his way around the car. He watched as the guy opened the door and placed his guitar case in the back seat gently next to his own bass, before getting in and shutting the door. He motioned the car attendant towards him, dug out the loose change out of his pockets and into his palm, and sat back in his car, shutting the door close and opening the windows to air out the car. The smell of the two of them in close quarters could melt iron. 

The kid seemed to be taking in his car, the remains of fast food bags at his feet, the random amenities scattered in the back seat, and his eyes seemed to lock particularly at his grandmother’s rosary hung around his rear-view mirror. William followed his eyes to it, and felt something deep and painful in his chest. He had almost forgotten about the damn thing, it blended into the car’s interior at this point. He grabbed the rosary and gently removed it from the rear-view mirror, before shoving it in the glove box. The kid looked at the closed glove box with a frown, and dug out his own cross out from the black fanny pack he had clipped around his waist, showing it to William. 

“I has one too.” The guy muttered as William started the car. 

William took the necklace in his hand. It didn’t have beads like his, so the kid was probably Christian or some new age practice that his grandmother would call ‘false worshipers’. William never cared to know the difference, it was all the same to him, the same Jesus, the same twelve apostles, the same God that gave fuck-all no matter how much he prayed. William took a once over at the hand carved wooden cross, at Jesus’s familiar face looking back at him, and handed the necklace back.  He looked over at the kid’s dirt smeared face, and clicked his tongue. 

“He didn't do anything for you either, huh?” William replied bitterly, pulling out of the lot. 

Chapter Text

They weren't on the road for more than about 15 minutes before both of their stomachs growled, loud enough to cut through the silence and tension in the car. It had been a few hours since William had anything filling in his stomach besides gas station jerky and a few dozen Red Bulls to keep him awake, both remains littered around his tiny car. William glanced at the stranger. He doubted the guy had any money, unless he pan handled his way down from wherever the fuck he was from, and William had scrapped the bottle of the barrel paying for gas. So lunch was kinda outta the question unless he could score some quick cash. 

When he ran away from home, his dumbass had spent anything he had in the first couple weeks of his escape on booze, drugs, and fast food. He’d been able to make it out so far by slowly selling whatever crap he owned, petty theft, and pity. But he had found himself in a situation he had faced too many times the last couple years; starvation. Usually he’d sleep it off, but he had a guest with him who’d probably gone a hell of alot longer without food than he had, judging by the thin cheekbones and the way his clothes hung off him. Not that he cared, he really didn't. But his grandma would smack his head if he so much as just put his elbows on the dinner table, so he knew that he had to feed his guest. It was his duty as a host. 

“You hungry?” 

“Eh?” 

“I schaid, ‘are you hungry’?” 

“Oh ams okay, reallies-!”

“Lischten dude, it’sch a yesch or no question. Are. You. Hungry?” 

“...Ja.” the kid said meekly. William nodded approvingly. 

“Cool. Schit will go alot easier if you juscht schay what you fucking mean. Cut it out with the polite crap.” 

The kid just looked at him unsurely but nodded. William drove off the nearest exit into the city, looking around for something familiar. 

“Dere’s a food place.” The kid pointed out after they circled another strip of stores, but William shook his head. It wasn't what he was looking for. 

“I need to get usche schome money firscht. Lookin for a pawn schop.” 

“What ams that, ‘pawn’?” 

“Meansch Imma trade schomething for casch and buy usch some food.” 

“Oh, you don'ts have to sells for me, I am grateful for just the ride-” 

“Schut it, I'm already pulling up.” William interrupted, turning into a store huddled between a strip of small businesses. William turned the car off and turned around, getting his knees on the seat to look at what he had left in the backseat. It was a handful of comic books, his bass, some old clothes, and some CDs. All useless crap that he couldn't get much out of, but maybe just enough for a cheap burger. 

He sorted through his CDs, Snakes and Barrels and Zazz Blazzmatazz had both dissolved a couple years before, so he should get a good price out of them. He also took all of the comics, since he’s read them forward and back, and shoved the kid out the way to get into the glove box. He wrapped a hand around the rosary but found himself hesitating

He remembered his grandmother holding the crucifix before pressing her thumb and forefinger to her forehead, chest, left shoulder, then right before she pressed them to her lips. It was a ritual she had done every day before she’d even start the car. William had witnessed it whenever he had gotten into her station wagon before school. She used to tell him that it was ‘the sign of the cross’, a prayer she’d make to God that’d keep her safe on their drive. It was around the seventh grade when he asked why God would let his father kill his mom, and she slapped him square on the lips for questioning ‘His decisions’. After that though, he never saw her doing the sign again, but the rosary still hung on the mirror. 

William looked at the rosary in his hand, sterling silver Jesus staring at him, crown of thorns dripping blood down his eyes. He also felt betrayed. 

“Aight, letsch go. I don't want you schtealing my car.” William muttered, slamming the glove box closed, the rosary held tight in his hand. 

The kid frowned at him, “I can'ts even drive?” 

“I said let'sch go.” 

As William locked the doors on his way up the curb, the remains of his life in hand, he heard muttering behind him “I wouldn't steal dis piece of shits anyways.” 

…..

“Scho, where are you from?” 

“Norway.” 

“Ischn’t that where Peter Pan lives?” 

“Peter?- Oh! No, that’s Netherlands. I thoughts Americans edumacations was best in world, buts you don't knows geography?” 

They were sitting outside of some burger stand near the pawn shop, a run down place with a weird name and a “available for rent” sign in the window. The place looked horrible and unhygienic, but a meal wasn’t more than eight dollars and it’s not like his standards were high either. At least he didn’t have to dig it out of the garbage can after close. He ordered them both a burger, fries, and got himself a cola and a strawberry milkshake for the kid, who was currently slurping it down like a lifeline. 

“I dropped out of highschool when I got emancipated.” 

“Emancipated?” 

“It's not important.” 

“Okie. Buts you learns geography in de primary school though-.” 

“Scho, tell me more about Norway, or whatever.” 

Something in the kid’s eyes burned out, and he looked down at his feet, digging his soles down in the concrete. He became tense, but tried to look indifferent at what William had asked him. He knew that look well. It's the same schtick he gave his teachers when they saw the angry red lines down his wrist. The same act when they asked him about the bruises on his arms and the bottle caps in his shoes. Something private and shameful, a secret only he was allowed to know. 

“It's cold. Dats it, not much to say.” 

William knew that was bullshit but decided he didn't care to know more. 

“Okay fine then, how long have you been in the Schtatesch?” 

The kid looked back up at him through his bangs, wrapping his fingers around his untouched burger. He took a large bite while he thought, cold blue eyes flitting back and forth as if flipping through his mind. 

“Hmm, abouts a year now, not dat long. Ams nice here, very warm in the summer, snows alot in winter. I was in New York playings on the subway, at the Times Square, everyone was so nice. Gives me money and foods because they likes my playing. My old friends told me I should find someone in L.A to play for, gives me my big opportunity. Hows long you've lived in New Jersey?” 

William didn't bother to finish chewing before speaking, “Not Jerschey, I’m from the Midwest.” 

“Oh.. Whys you here then?” 

“I dunno, juscht been driving.” 

“You don'ts talk much, huh.” 

“Look whosche fucking talking.” 

The kid furrowed his brows and put his burger back down on his plate, narrowing his eyes. William continued eating, acting indifferent, but averted his eyes as he felt blue eyes digging into his skin. It felt stuffy and itchy, like an insect under a glass. He hated being looked at too often. 

“I tolds you stuff about me at least, you amst said anyt’ing. Ams you kidnapping me?” 

William scoffed, dropping his burger back down with a ‘smack’, ketchup and mustard smearing over their outdoor table as he leaned back in his seat. 

“What reaschon would I have to kidnap a schitty kid like you? I'm juscht helping you outta the kindnessch of my heart causche I’m a good fucking perschon! But fuck me I guessch for being nice.”

Silence fell over both of them at William’s outburst, reaction too strong for what was presumably a joke. William had a tendency to be overly defensive, brought on by years of bullying both at home and school. He had a hard time biting his tongue down, not that it mattered, people found him off putting anyway. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little bad by the way the kid’s eyes seemed to fill with guilt. William scowled, and forced his pride down. 

“Look, I’m schorry alright?”

“Noes, yous rights. You buys me food and am driving me, and I appreciates it. I don’ts know you, you don’t need to tell me anything.” 

William blinked. He never heard an apology before, at least one that wasn’t backhanded. He looked at the kid up and down to catch a glimpse of indifference or sarcasm, but no. His eyes were remorseful, making direct eye contact with him, his face earnest. He was genuinely upset for breaking a boundary that William had set and was trying to apologize for it. 

What the hell was up with this guy? 

William cleared his throat, uncomfortable, “Whatever, look, are you done? You can finish in the car if you’re not but we gotta move.” 

The kid looked down at his third of a burger left over and shoved the rest of it into his mouth, looking like a chipmunk, chewing with his mouth open, “Ja, ams done!” 

William nodded, mildly impressed, and grabbed his trash, tossing it into the nearest trash bin and walking back towards the car. He heard footsteps run up besides him as he made it to the car and slid into the driver’s seat. The other door swung open and the kid slipped in, strawberry milkshake in hand. 

“You wants some?” The kid asked, pointing the cup at William. The smell of artificial strawberry syrup hit his nose and he cringed, pushing the cup away. 

“No offensche kid, but that’sch really fucking gay. I don’t know what goesch on in ‘Fagway’, or whatever, but you don't schare drinksch with other dudesch here.”

The kid shrugged, nursing the drink again, “My names Toki by de way.” 

“I don’t give a shit.”

“Ams just so you stop calling me ‘kid’. Ams not a kid, I turns 19 months ago.”

“What?” 

William looked at the kid up and down. His skin was clear from any acne, not a hint of facial hair, and the big clothes made him look petite, though he was pretty tall. From a glance he couldn’t be older than 14. 

“Nah, you’re lying!”

“Ja, seriously!”

“That’s bullshit.” William muttered, leaning towards the kid who leaned back into the window out of surprise. William pushed his hand under his bangs and lifted the hair out of his face to get a better look. He had dark circles under his eyes and the slightest hint of a mustache growing above his lip. It was hard to tell since the guy had tanned skin and light brown hair, it almost melded into the skin, but it was there. His jaw was full and strong, and William was surprised that the kid was actually more lean instead of thin. 

Now that William had a better look at him with his hair out of his face, the guy was kinda handsome and masculine, which pissed him off a bit. They were both in a similar situation but the guy had the audacity to be attractive and nice. It was such bullshit that he hadn’t noticed before. The oversized clothes, meek behavior, and feminine features had thrown William off, but they were definitely about the same age. Go figure. Willam scowled, and pulled back, the guy (Toki or whatever) having a shaken expression, his cheeks tinted pink. William felt a hint of pride at knowing that the kid was a bit fearful of him, made him feel a semblance of holding a type of authority over him. Especially since he couldn’t hold his age over him apparently. Didn’t mean he couldn’t try though.  

“Whatever, I’m still older, so technically you’re schtill the kid here.” 

“By hows much?”

“... three years...” 

Toki laughed, and the sound made William’s lip twitch slightly, a small grin taking over his face.

“Whatevers. I tells you mines name. What’s yours?”

William hesitated for a second, but figured it wouldn’t hurt. The bus station was 45 minutes away, after that, he’d never see this guy ever again. 

“William Murderface. Just call me Murderface.” 

Chapter Text

“300 dollars? Ischn’t that a little schteep for a fucking bus ride?” 

“I’m sorry sir, but for a last minute ‘3 and a half day’ bus trip from New Jersey to California, that is the cheapest price I can give you.” 

“That’sch bullschit!  Can't you give him a dischcount or schomething for, like, homelessch youth?”

They had made it to the Greyhound station without any more issues, and since William had helped Toki up here so far, he figured he might as well help him pay his way and order his ticket for him. After all, there was a bit of a language barrier between the two of them, so William was hoping he could help the process get along a lot faster. Not out of kindness or pity, Toki was just completely throwing him off his groove. They’ve barely hung out for the better part of an hour and already the kid was having some sort of unusual… effect on him. It seemed that whenever Toki opened his mouth, he shook William’s entire belief system. It was starting to make him uncomfortable, so he needed to unload the kid, and fast. 

Unfortunately, between the two of them, they didn’t have more than about 150 dollars (quarters and dimes included), so they were at an impasse again. Apparently, the remaining aspects of William’s life were even less valuable than he had originally thought possible. 

“Sir, I truly am sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. That is the base price for a last minute ticket, the prices are higher because there’s less seats left. I can recommend ordering a ticket for next week and maybe staying at a shelter until then? If you do that, the price should be significantly cheaper.”

At this suggestion, they both cringed. William had his own share of bad experiences in shelters before and would much rather sleep in his car than on those slabs of concrete that they called mattresses. While it was nice to have a roof over his head for a while, being a 17 year old run away meant that he was tried constantly by creeps and weirdos trying to get in his space. Based on Toki’s reaction, he probably had dealt with the same, or worse. Which meant they were both aware that even if they did decide on Toki staying at the shelter for the time being, it would still be a bit of a drive to get there. And if they didn’t get there early enough, it was pretty much a guarantee that Toki wouldn’t get a bed tonight. Not that William cared what happened to him of course, he could just sympathize with the situation. 

“It’s good Williams, ams not in a rush to gets anywhere, I can wait.” Toki told him, though it sounded more like he was trying to reassure himself of the hopeless situation. 

“I schaid to call me ‘Murderface’.”

“Oh, sorries.” 

Toki turned to the ticket agent and thanked her for the information before escorting William out the door, seemingly making up his mind about where to go from here. They both walked back outside in silence, heading up to the car. William went to unlock the door when Toki suddenly grabbed his arm, forcing William to face him. 

“Moidaface, I apprekiates de ride and food, you’ves helped me alot today. T’ank you so much for everyt’ings.” 

For some reason, despite how genuine his thanks was, the words felt bitter to him. William chalked it up to feeling as though he didn’t actually do anything to help this guy besides feed him and leave him on the side of the road like a mutt.  It was weird, he was so desperate to ditch this guy before, but that was when he thought he would be waving at him through a bus window. Now he was leaving the guy with practically no money or even the guarantee of a bed for the night. But what could William do? It's not like he could give him the clothes off his back, they were in the same situation. 

Except..

A light bulb went off in William’s head. 

“What if I drive you?”

“Nej, the shelter amns’t dat far, I can walk-”

“I don’t mean the schelter. What if I drive you to California?”

“Whats?”

Toki paused, looking at William with wide eyes, seemingly unsure he had heard him correctly. It was William’s chance to back out on his offer, but he had already made up his mind about it.  

“What if I drive you to California?” He repeated, firm in his decision. 

“I can’t asks you to do dat for me.” Toki replied, hands wringing nervously. 

“You’re not aschking me, I’m offering.” 

Toki’s face furrowed deeply, puzzled and confused. He wormed his bottom lip under his teeth, thinking over William’s offer. Finally, Toki’s eyes narrowed and he stepped up to him, almost chest to chest. When he spoke, his voice was low and intense, eyes serious as they scanned over his face. 

“Why ams you doing this? I don’t know you, you don’t know me. You don’ts need to do anyt’ing for me.” 

William was thinking the exact same thing. Toki wasn’t the first kid he’d run into, wasn’t even the youngest. He had no reason to feel bad for this guy. William was only three years older, he probably handled even worse than this guy had when he himself was only 17. So why was he so fixated on helping Toki? Why’d he feel so bad for him when he’s been so indifferent to everyone else? 

“I juscht wanna help.” William replied earnestly. It was the only answer he had, the only one he could give for now. 

For a beat, Toki’s face remained placid as he took William’s answer. Then his face broke in a large toothy grin, his eyes crinkling and cheeks puffed up as he grabbed William by the shoulders. 

William was almost in awe, because when was the last time someone had smiled at him like that? It was like the sun had come out behind the clouds, and maybe that’s why William felt so warm all of a sudden. 

Then the hands on his shoulders suddenly moved down towards his waist and William let out what he could only describe as a ‘manly cry of surprise’ as he suddenly felt his feet in the air. Toki lifted him up like he weighed nothing, his head squashed against his chest. William felt his feet swing beneath him as Toki swayed them both back in fourth, William clutching his shoulders for dear life as they spun around.

“T’ank you, t’ank you, t’ank you, t’ank you!-”

“Toki if you don’t put me the fuck down, I’ll take it back!”

…. 

“Sos, whats you call dis place?”

“...You mean the fucking grocery schtore ?” 

“Ja, ams store for groceries!” 

Since they had about 150 dollars, they had decided that William could keep all the money since he would be the one driving. They had planned to spend about 50 on snacks and drinks for the drive, and use the remaining hundred for gas since they were gonna be on the road for about 3 days or so. Currently their cart was full of whatever colorful shit Toki could find, William indulging him since coincidentally Toki kept picking out food he liked anyways. William watched as Toki sprinted down the chip aisle and grabbed four bright yellow bags of some foreign brand William had never heard of before, throwing them into the cart. 

“What, do they not have grocery schtoresch in Norway?” 

“Ja, but I lived on a farm so I didn’t go to de stores often. Always went to de record store or candy shops in town when I could, had no reason to go into de groceries store!” 

William hummed in response. ‘Makes sense’ he thought mentally as he looked at their assortment of treats. Toki seemed sheltered in a way, unlike William who was generally distrustful of anyone and everyone. Toki was a lot more open and easy going. William assumed it was due to living in a community where you had to share and assimilate, otherwise isolation would leave you for dead. William was aware that Toki had his initial reservations of him, but that seemed to dissipate completely in the last few hours with the way he had clung to William’s space. Even though he was helping Toki out, William was still distrustful and wary of him. He had his security though, he was in charge of the money, the journey, and the route. Toki was more reliant on him than he was of Toki at this point. That thought alone is what made him feel so sure about their weird little road trip. If it came down to it, he could leave Toki at a rest stop if he wanted. 

That thought had made him feel bitter and guilty, but he brushed it off. It’s how he was raised, it's how he’d survived so far. 

William stopped and looked at their cart, mentally calculating the amount in his head. They had a good amount of Little Debbie snacks, two large soda bottles, energy drinks, and Toki’s selection of purely fish flavored chips that William had never heard of before. William picked up a bag with a giant cartoon squid on it and wrinkled his nose, reading the label flavor as ‘sweet and salty’. He put 2 of the 4 bags back and grabbed a couple chips for himself; Nacho and Cool Ranch Doritos. He looked up as he heard Toki’s barreling down the aisle towards him, holding something under his arm like a football. 

“Beef sticks!” Toki said, holding up a large plastic jar, tossing it into the cart at William’s nod of approval. 

“Okay, I think we’re good to go. Let’sch head out.”

“What abouts fruit?”

“What about em?”

“Ams for snacks. Ya know, de vitamin Ds and Cs?” 

William scowled at the suggestion, “Fruitsch aren’t schnacks, Toki. Any vitamin D I need, I can get from the fucking schun, alright?” 

“Ams you telling me you don’ts eat fruits? Y’know, dats probablies why you ams so pale,” Toki scoffed, walking down the aisle, “Ams gonna get us oranges so we don’ts get de pirate’s disease.” 

“Whatever.” William murmured, heading to the checkout line. He had reached his hand for the box of zebra cakes when Toki showed up beside him, tossing a bag of oranges on the line. As William straightened up, he noticed Toki hiding something behind his back, trying unsuccessfully to hide it. William looked up at him in suspicion, raising a thick brow. 

“What the fuck isch that?”

“What? No’ting, I don’ts know what you ams talking about,” Toki said awkwardly, clearly knowing what William was talking about. He pretended to look at the magazine rack as William stared him down. 

William sighed loudly, irritated, “Toki, part of our deal isch that I’m in charge of the money, you can’t just buy schomething for yourschelf. Don’t be a dick.”

“Ams not being a dick! Ams not your business!” 

“It is too my businessch when itsch our money!” William exclaimed, diving for Toki. Toki screamed, throwing a hand up defensively as William got behind him, ripping whatever he was holding out of his hand and holding it up triumphantly. William’s brow furrowed at the feeling of fur under his hand, and he looked to see he was holding a teddy bear with a bright red ‘clearance’ sticker across its belly. William turned to look at Toki, who was back to pretending to look at the magazines. 

“Toki, what the fuck?” 

“...Ams just thoughts it was cute. Was gonna buy it with my change cause ams only a dollar.” Toki confessed, his face pink, clearly embarrassed. William scoffed, looking down at the bear in his hand. The clearance sticker had read that it was indeed only a dollar, probably because of a manufacturing issue considering that it had a devil’s tail instead of a bear’s. William looked at the bear and back to Toki briefly, before tossing it on the line with the remains of their cart. 

“Get whatever gay crap you want, man, just tell me about it. We’re on a budget.” Despite William’s words being cruel, there was a lack of actual criticism and judgement behind them, which made Toki beam. 

It was the second time now that Toki had smiled at him, and William felt that familiar warmth spread through his face and body. A feeling that soured when the cashier let out a snort as he scanned the bear, looking between the two of them with a face William had seen far too often. William felt a familiar feeling of guilt and disgust as the cashier bagged their remaining items, a feeling that he pushed down to the very depths of his mind that he dared never to explore. He handed the cashier a wad of cash with a glare as Toki ripped the bear out of its grocery bag, and gathered their bags in his large hands. Toki held the bear against his chest as he helped William grab the rest of their items, both of them heading out into the parking lot. 

As Toki threw the remaining bags in the backseat, William grabbed the map and a sharpie from the glove box. He ripped the cap off the sharpie with his teeth, marking their current location all the way down to California. He’d have to turn around and go to Pennsylvania, which shouldn’t be too difficult considering he’d already visited there a few months ago before he had headed to New York. Briefly, William had wondered if he had just missed Toki while he was up there, then brushed the idea away. It was unlikely, He liked to avoid the more touristy places, especially since driving his own car around the city was an actual fucking nightmare. From what it sounded like, Toki had stayed towards more visible places, probably hoping to attract a music producer or something.

William shook the thoughts off and looked back down at the map. He wanted to avoid Indiana completely if it was possible. The state was big, but he'd rather not risk running into any of his old classmates or, god forbid, his grandparents. Which meant he had to go down South towards Virginia. From there he could get through to Missouri, then it’d be a straight shot down about 4 states to California. Overall, he’d estimate it would take about 45 hours or so, give or take about 10 hours for gas, bathroom breaks, and sleep. Completely doable, and a hell of a lot shorter than the week Toki would have to wait to take a Greyhound bus, as well as a lot more entertaining. William considered himself a hell of a conversationalist with exceptional music taste. Toki was lucky to have him as a tour guide.

“Okay,” William said, spreading the map down on the dashboard to show Toki, who was currently stuffing chips in his mouth that smelled like shrimp and cheese, “Scho, it should be pretty schtraightforward. Schouldn’t be more than a 3 day trip. We have like 5 hoursch of daylight left, we can probably get through Pennsylvania by that time. Unless you wanna schee the Civil War muscheum, but that'sch your decischion or whatever. It wasch pretty cool though, scho I think it'sch worth rischking a few hoursch. Causche the moscht important thing here is driving motivation. If there'sch not motivation for your driver to get behind the wheel, they might end up driving the car into a lake. But again, it'sch your decischion.” 

Toki seemed to ignore William’s blur of words, instead pointing to Indiana, “Why's not dere. It’d be straighter.” 

“It fucking schucksch there, not worth the trouble. Thisch is easchier.” 

Toki nodded, shoving more chips in his mouth and chewing loudly, “What ams dis ‘Civil War’.” 

William couldn't help the little jitter of excitement he got as he folded the map back up, but he was sure he played it off inconspicuously. 

“Oh Toki you’re in luck! Schee this road trip is actually your roadmap to getting your citizenschip. You’re here with the best hischtorian in the whole country, scho lischten up.” 

Toki nodded and straightened up in his seat, folding the bag of chips up in his lap as William pushed the key into the ignition. 

“The museum is gonna give you a lot more detail on what I'm gonna schay so lemme give you the quick run down.” 

And with that, Murderface gave Toki about three hours worth of history notes as they drove to their first destination. 

Chapter Text

“And scho the Civil War wasch alscho considered the first war to usche aerial warfare becausche of reconnaisschance balloonsch, but aerial warfare actually began in China with the usche of kitesch-”

“Ams we dere yet?” Toki asked, head in his hands. 

They had just finished up their invigorating and exciting journey at the museum, and William, as the dedicated tour guide, used every opportunity to expand on every piece of information shown to him. Toki was sincerely lucky that William was there just months before, so he was able to give him the grand tour in only 4 hours. 

“SCHUT IT- and that wasch in about 360 A.D, give or take, but actual planesch were used by italians in 1911-”

“I don’ts t’ink I needs to knows dis. Ams we even still talking abouts de civil war?”

“No, Toki, but context is everything! We wouldn’t have the civil war if we didn’t have all the events in between. It’sch called the domino effect, it all leads into each other. Scho anyways-”

“Oh, I t’inks we’s out of gas and LOOK, there ams a gas station over dere! Maybe we shoulds stops real quick?” 

William paused and looked over the gauge to see that they had a little more than half a tank of gas. He had filled up when Toki first got into his car so he didn’t want to bother again with it until it was getting really low, so they were good for another hundred miles or so. 

“Nah, we’re good. Scho anyways-”

“I needs to pee!”

“What, didn’t you go before we left the museum?” William asked. Toki pursed his lips. 

“Ja… but ams needs to go again? Because of de energy drinks?” 

William sighed loudly. They didn’t have a time limit, but William wanted to avoid as much wasted time as possible. However, some things couldn’t be helped. William switched lanes and he heard Toki let out a sigh of relief, the kid must’ve really needed to go. He pulled up to a pump, figuring they might as well refuel so they didn’t need to stop again so early. Before he could jump out of the car, William grabbed Toki by the arm and handed him a 10 dollar bill. 

“Before you pissch, tell em to put 10 on pump 4.” 

“Cans I get a snack?” 

“We have schnacks.”

“But they have de hot dogs! I cans get us some for dinner?” Toki suggested, but William’s nose wrinkled in disgust. 

“I don’t eat hot dogsch.” 

“Why?”

“Uh, it’sch dick-schaped ?” William stated like it was obvious,  “I don’t know how you can eat one. Putting schomething schaped like that in your mouth.”

“Am dat what you thinks about whats putting foods into your mouth? Dicks? Dat sounds gayer den de hot dog.” 

“Ew ew EW! Schut up, schut up, that’sch gay!” William screeched, putting his hands over his ears, but Toki’s face split into an evil grin. He leaned in as William leaned away, his fingers wiggling in the air like he was telling a ghost story.

“Oooo banana, sausage, corn dogs!” He said in a spooky tone as William cowered in the corner of the car. William scowled as Toki laughed at him, crowding into his space and poking him teasingly while naming every phallic shaped food known to man.

“Corn, carrots, eggplants!”

“Fuck off or I’m not paying for your damn wiener!” 

“Okie okie, you ams a funny guy Moidaface. Ams real funny.” Toki giggled, backing off into his own chair. William pulled out his wallet and gave Toki 5 dollars so he could buy his stupid hot dog and something for himself. William was feeling peckish anyways. 

“Here, and get me schomething a man would eat. Like a sandwich.” 

“Okie!” Toki agreed, climbing out of the car. William shook his head as Toki practically skipped up to the store, before climbing out as well. He walked to the side and unscrewed the gas cap and placed the pump in, waiting until Toki walked out to start filling up the tank. Once he was done he slid back into his seat and started the car. He pulled out of the gas station and turned back onto the highway before reaching his hand out for his dinner. 

“Okay, scho what you get me?” 

William glanced briefly to the side as he felt something warm placed in his palm, looking down to see what he had gotten. And Toki met his gaze with a shit eating grin as William held up a large, freshly microwaved beef burrito in his hand. 

“Toki, you schon of a bitch!”

…….

After about an hour of Toki unsuccessfully trying to challenge William’s secure and powerful masculinity by getting him to eat something so phallic, the sun was already setting across the horizon. As the stars made themselves known, William had decided that about now would probably be a good time for them to get a few hours of sleep through the night. He had pulled off the highway and turned into the nearest empty lot he could find. He couldn’t read the sign in the dark but had seen the giant cross on the building and hoped they wouldn’t be bothered through the night. He had slept in enough church parking lots to know that the cops wouldn’t be called until the first parishioners showed up around 6 or 7. If that happened, at least he’d get a hell of an alarm in the morning. 

William pulled into the parking lot in the farthest spot he could find before he turned the car off, clicking off his seat belt and turning to talk to Toki about their game plan tomorrow. Toki, however, seemed to be frozen, his face lit up by the street light beside them, his eyes glassy as he looked out of the windshield at the cross.

“Toki?” He called, but there was no response, his shoulders remained stiff as he looked up. He looked almost terrified. William frowned, snapping his fingers in his face. And like that, the spell broke. Toki, almost startled, turned to face him.

“What” The way Toki said it was sharp, surprised, almost angry.  

“What the fuck wasch that?” 

“Whats you mean?” 

“Y’know what I mean.” 

Toki had looked down at his hands, wringing them together. William noticed it was a habit he had. A grounding technique when he was seemingly uncomfortable. 

“Ams just.. Reminds me of Norway.” Toki said with a shrug. His face looked weird, eyes shaded and face blank. It was really creepy and William felt uncomfortable.

“How scho, I thought you’d worschip like Thor or schomething.” William joked, trying to break the tension, but Toki’s expression didn't budge. Instead he switched topics, turning to look William dead in the eyes, cold blue piercing green. 

“Ams thoughts you didn’t like the church. Why ams we here?”

“I don’t really care about it honeschtly. It’sch juscht not important to me. The parking lot was juscht empty scho-” 

“Ams looks like it ams a bothers to you. Makes you sads and angry. Why?” 

What the fuck was this, therapy? 

“Fuck’s your problem?”

“Whats you mean?” 

“Why are you trynna pissch me off for?” 

“I ams not doing that!” Toki protested, turning to him, “I just wants to know about you!” 

“No you fucking don’t, you liar . You don't care, I know you don't because you haven't aschked about me unlessch I happen to comment on schomething you don't like causche you wanna pissch me off!” 

Toki opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. He clenched his jaw shut, his brows furrowed and his shoulders hunched. He was very obviously frustrated, his hands opened and closed as if trying to soothe himself. William watched as he slowly pulled himself together. He regretted yelling, it made him look like a coward, but he didn’t regret what he said. He didn’t know him well, but he knew manipulation when he saw it. It was the same shit his grandmother used to pull on him constantly, belittling and bringing up shit that’d hurt him to avoid an actual conversation. And he’ll be damn if this dude tries to pull the same shit, not when he’s doing him a favor. Not when he doesn’t even know him.

Once he saw Toki’s breath even out and his hands flexed open, he continued, “You don’t give a damn about me, I already know that. So if you don’t want to talk, don’t try to come at me. I have no problem dropping your assch on the schide of the road becausche you wanna fight!” 

“Why ams you so fucking angry all de time, ams all I want to know!” Toki grits out through clenched teeth. Fuck, he’s had enough of this.  

“You know what, go fuck yourself, I’m done with thisch!” William said finally, ripping the keys out the ignition and getting out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him. He walked across the parking lot and sat on the empty stoop of the church, grabbing the carton of stale cigarettes and the lighter he kept in his cargo shorts. He slipped one between his lips and flicked the lighter on, taking a deep breath as the familiar bitter flavor coated his mouth and smoke filled his lungs. He wasn’t a heavy smoker, it was a habit he had picked up from his grandmother. She’d usually have a cigarette after a stressful day, and it became a heavy habit after his grandfather's stroke. While the smell of tobacco had reminded him of her, it was still a comfort to him in a weird way. It helped him relax despite how horrible it tasted. 

He had flicked the last of the ashes off when he finally heard footsteps across the parking lot. He didn't have to look up to know it was Toki. Who the fuck else would it be anyways. He heard him pacing back and forth, the gravel scratching under his beat up converse. Eventually, those shoes climbed up the stoop beside him, and despite his anger still residing, William scooted over to allow him to sit next to him. He stomped the cigarette out and grabbed a fresh one, offering the carton and his lighter to Toki. He thanked him quietly and took both from his palm, taking a deep drag before letting out a sigh. William waited for the inevitable half-assed apology as Toki finally opened his mouth. 

“I grew up in a church.” Toki said instead, the words coming out in a whisper. William turned his head in surprise, not expecting a confession. 

Toki didn’t wait for a response, instead just continued, looking down at his feet, “I didn’ts just run away from home just because I wants to be famous. I left because I wanted to gets away from my family.” 

William looked at his own feet now, thinking over his confession. They really were in the same boat more than he had realized.

Aw dammit, he has to share now too, doesn’t he? 

William cleared his throat, flickering the lighter with his thumb to give himself something to do, relishing in the feeling of his skin burning under the hot metal. 

“Me too.” 

Toki seemed surprised at this somehow, as if William hadn’t been sneering at any mention of a higher being all day, “You grows up in a church too?”

“What? No, dumbassche, I alscho ran away from home.” 

“Oh,” Toki replied, finally looking up to meet his eyes, “Yous parents are christians too?”

“My grandparentsch, and not that it’sch any different but they’re Catholic.” 

“What abouts your parents?”

“Dead.” William replied. William was pretty indifferent to their passing, it’s not like he was old enough to remember what his mother even looked like, much less able to witness the brutality of her body being sawed head to toe. Didn’t mean he enjoyed talking about it. 

“What happens to dem?”

“You don’t need to know that. Not right now.” 

Toki nodded, looking down at his hands. The air was quiet, the sounds of crickets louder than the cars passing down the street as they sat in silence, both of them gathering their thoughts. William looked up, there were more stars than usual, but they were still pretty thinly scattered in the sky so close to the city. He hadn’t really looked up at the night sky while traveling, falling asleep by sun down and getting up by sunrise to continue moving without settling. He didn't know why, it’s not like he had anywhere to go. 

Toki let out a loud sigh, spreading his hands out on the wooden steps beneath them, his fingertips brushing against William’s own as he followed his gaze up at the sky.

“I don’t miss Norway, but I miss de stars. Ams always so pretty, but ams likes dey just disappear over here. Probablies cause of all de lights, right?” 

Toki looked over at William, who couldn’t help but notice the way the street light glimmered in his eyes, it reminded him of the moon appearing in the day; big and sparkling despite the sunlight. All of a sudden he felt all too aware of their hands, and looked down just as Toki did at where their fingers touched. Toki paused, before turning scarlet and ripping his hand away from his own, tucking them between his thighs. 

“Oh, sorries!” Toki laughed awkwardly, tucking a large strand of hair behind his ear. William followed the movement for a second, looking at the smooth chestnut hair barely brushing over his shoulders. Without thinking, he reached out and took a strand between his fingertips, parting the follicles between his forefinger and thumb. It was soft somehow, like he had access to shampoo and conditioner while living in alleyways. It kinda pissed him off, William’s own hair was stiff and dry without access to proper hair care products. William was always so startled at how similar their stories were, yet how strongly they contrasted with each other. Toki was just so… attractive in comparison to himself. 

Instead of voicing these thoughts out, William let the strand go and stood up, brushing the dirt off the back of his shorts 

“We should get you a haircut maybe. It’s getting pretty long, looksch kinda metal though if that’sch what you're going for..” 

“Y-you t’ink?” Toki said, his voice thick. William looked down to see Toki’s face still red, eyes wide as he looked up at him. He guessed the guy was exhausted and embarrassed from their little therapy session. He felt the same warmth on his own face. They really needed a nap after all that.  

“C’mon, we schould get schome schleep. It’ll take usche a few hoursch to get through Virginia, there ain’t schit out there.” He said as he made his way back. 

“Okie.” Toki whispered, following him down the stoop. 

….

As William had predicted, by the crack of dawn there was an officer tapping at his window. He could barely let out a coherent sentence before the officer started hounding him about what business he had, what he was doing there the whole night, and where they were heading. William was familiar with the process, god forbid he rest for a while in one place for more than an hour. So after about forty minutes of questioning, showing his license and paperwork, and taking sobriety tests before six am, they were finally free to go. William slid back into the car with a sigh, looking over at a shaken Toki beside him. 

“What, never been frischked before?”

“Nej, dey just.. Scare me. Lots of my friends disappeared before. Don’t wants it to happen to me.” Toki responded, staring down at his hands.

William nodded, frowning. He had seen a lot of the same, so despite his resentment towards authority, he tried to be as cooperative as possible. Not that it helped at all, but at the very least he was allowed to keep his dignity somewhat after an altercation. The first couple of times he had snapped back at a cop who was harassing him, he had to spend a few nights in jail and panhandle to get his car out of the impound lot. It was a whole lot of bullshit he hated to deal with, and he tried to avoid the grief as often as possible. Toki had probably been harassed more often than he had, considering he spent most of the time on the street congregating with other people. 

Unfortunately, William was still emotionally constipated and liked to avoid issues, so he couldn’t find anything comforting to say to Toki to get him to cheer up. The best he could do was to say, “Let’sch get schome breakfascht.” 

They still had a good thirty dollars to spend before they were entering the red zone financially, so William decided they could splurge, if just for a little bit. So after a quick drive around the area, they found themselves at dinner. William ordered them both the ‘Early Bird Special’, which consisted of a large plate of pancakes, eggs, hash browns, bacon, and cups of coffee for about eight dollars each. William watched with disgusted fascination as Toki poured every type of syrup on the table over the stack of pancakes, before opening up four mini packets of jam and scooping them onto the plate. William had to physically hold himself back from gagging audibly as Toki happily pread the jam over the dish before taking a huge bite. His eyes rolled back in his head as he hummed, pleased at the abomination he had created.

“How the fuck do you eat all that and not get diabetesch or schomething?”

“Good genes I guess.” Toki shrugged, shoving another bite into his mouth, “I eats what I wants when I cans. Cans we get pie?” 

“Jesus what’sch wrong with you?”

“For wantings pie? I never hads pie before.” Toki explains, as if that was the issue and not their limited funds and the two full plates he had in front of him. 

“You’re not even done with your food yet and you want more? That’sch juscht fucking greedy.” William scoffed, scrapping the last of his eggs off his plate into his mouth. Despite all the food, he was still hungry. The desperation for food got so bad the night before he had waited until Toki had knocked out to hunker down on the soggy burrito he’d left on the dashboard. It was a shame he had to live with, at the very least Toki hadn’t asked him where it had gone. 

Toki must’ve seen the way William had looked at his untouched plate since he struck up a deal, “You cans have de rest if I can get pie?”

William contemplated this for a minute. Their meal was pretty cheap, a slice of pie was about 3 dollars, and he was still pretty hungry… 

William made the executive decision that it was worth getting some pie to keep their spirits up. After all, they still had a long trip to go. William motioned at the waitress to get a slice of whatever was cheapest (much to Toki’s disapproval) and slid the untouched plate closer to him, covering it in Tabasco. Toki watched as the waitress walked away, before turning to look at William with a look of anguish on his face. 

“What?”

“I wanted to order! You didn’t evens ask me what I wanted!” Toki said angrily, William shrugging at his outburst.

“You schaid pie, you’re getting pie, I don’t schee what you're being scho fucking anal about.” he replied as he started to stuff the eggs in his mouth. Toki let out what could only be described as a growl as he stretched an arm out, knocking the fork out of William’s mouth before dragging his plate back to himself. 

“Hey-”

“No deal!” Toki seethed, beginning to shove eggs into his mouth when he suddenly froze. William saw the sweat bead down his forehead and his face start to redden, and he couldn’t help but snicker as Toki grabbed a napkin and shamefully spit the food out.

“Is it too hot for you? Scheriously? Tabaschco isch juscht vinegar, barely makesch it on the Schorchville Schale.”

“Shuts up! It ams just gross!” Toki very obviously lies, drinking the cup of coffee beside him in one gulp with a barely concealed grimace. William goes to reach for the plate to take him out of his misery but Toki just slides it closer. 

“Man, c’mon, you’re not even gonna eat it!” William grumbles. Toki digs his fork into the plate and makes a show of taking another bite, swallowing it down without even chewing. 

“I saids ‘no deal’, ams my food now.” Toki scowls. William frowns, annoyed, but decides to let him wallow in his misery.

“Fine, I guessch I’ll get the pie, I’m not wasting our money just becausche you wanna be a baby!”

“You ams de baby!” 

William leans back with his arms crossed as he watches Toki take another angry and determined bite, his face red and screwed up in disgust. He kinda has to respect how petty he is, putting himself through this unusual type of torture just to make a point. It was also amusing, considering he was eating what was originally his own food. William dug into his untouched pancakes as Toki poured himself another cup of coffee from the pitcher left on their table, cracking open at least 8 mini cream bottles and 4 packets of sugar before taking a large sip. He had only gotten about a quarter of the way through the eggs when the waitress dropped off a slice of cherry pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and the bill. Toki paused, staring at the plate with large eyes, evidently the cheapest pie was also the one he happened to want. 

Toki’s astonishment at the beautiful plate was replaced with horror as William slid the piece closer to himself, barely realizing what he had done. Toki watched intensely as William grabbed a clean spoon and split the end of the pie, red filling and steam spilling out of the heated dessert, half slices of cherry mixing with the slow melting scoop of vanilla. William made direct eye contact with Toki as he lifted the spoon to his mouth, slowly taking a bite and savoring the piece. William wasn’t one for sweets but the way Toki’s fist curled up on the table as his face scrunched in anger was worth it. Before he could break off another piece, Toki slid the breakfast back to him and snatched the pie up, practically shoving the piece in his mouth barehanded. 

“You have fucking issuesch.”

“Shuts up and finish your garbage food.” 

The rest of their meal went peacefully, and in no time had William paid and they were back on the road. Though it didn’t take Toki more than about ten minutes into the drive to start complaining again, his stomach audibly growling. 

“You schould’ve juscht finisched your food but nooo you juscht had to have pie. Idiot dildo.” William grumbled as Toki moaned like a dying cat. His ass was being so damn dramatic for no reason. 

“Aw fucks off, you was hungries too, I sees it in your eyes. I was doing you a FAVOR.” Toki spits back, rummaging through their pile of snacks. William rolls his eyes, not even bothering with a response. Toki sighs loudly as he looks at their accumulation of snack cakes and chips, clicking his tongue in disappointment.

“Too many sugars today. Makes me feel gross.” 

William hummed in response, “Just deal with it and have some beef schticks, we’ll be there in two daysch tops.” 

Toki groaned in frustration and leaned back in his seat, his arms crossed. Then suddenly he jumped up, lightbulb visibly going off in his head.

“Ohh, I know! Where ams dat burrito you didn’t want, I can eats dat!” Toki said, rummaging through their supplies. 

“I threw that crap away.” William lied as Toki searched the car floor. 

“Dammits, why?” 

“It wasch grossch, it was left out all night.” William answered, evidently a little too quickly with the way Toki’s eyes narrowed at him. Toki leaned into his space as William froze, his hand roaming around the ground near the pedals. William felt himself sweating bullets as Toki wrapped his hands around the cellophane remains of the gas station burrito, grinning wildly at William, he had been caught. 

‘Only two days to go’ William thought as Toki laughter echoed around the car. 

Chapter Text

It was almost a quarter to one as they finished making their way through West Virginia, though William could hardly tell by looking at the sky. While their morning was all blue skies and sunshine, storm clouds had begun to grow over the horizon as they passed the ‘Welcome to Kentucky’ sign. Most of their drive was spent in comfortable silence, Toki occasionally commenting on any animal he happened to see and William fact dropping any information he had on landmarks they passed. Toki was currently nursing a litre of cola, staring out at the grassy plains as William passed what seemed to be the same intersection with the same bundle of trees for about the seventh time. 

Toki was quiet as William pulled over, turning off the car and looking over the map, trying to figure out where he’d gotten lost. Apparently in his pursuit to stay as far away from his home state as possible, they had ended up in the middle of nowhere, not a sign to be found in the whole county. 

“Ams we lost?” Toki finally spoke up. He grabbed the map from William, as if he had any capability to know where to travel in a country he’s only been in for a couple of months. 

“No, we’re not fucking loscht!” William scoffed, defensive, “We’re juscht,.. Taking a detour.”

“Detour?” 

“It’sch like,.. We’re juscht looking around alright?” 

Toki looked out the window at the grassy plains and trees and looked back at William, unimpressed. 

“Lookings at what?” 

William scowled and snatched the map from Toki’s hands, trying to retrace his footsteps back from where they just drove up from, the thunder now beginning to rumble outside. He had no issues driving in the rain, especially in a place as desolate as this. He was a careful driver and at most, he’d likely just hit a cow. But he didn’t wanna risk totalling his stupid fucking car. At this point it was 10 years too old to be driving across the country, he didn’t want to put more strain on it than he already was. They needed to outdrive this storm before it began to pour, or find somewhere to hang out until it had blown over. Though they didn’t really have the luxury to stop, they weren’t even halfway through their trip and they had only about 20 dollars left before they had to start digging into their gas money.

“I dunno… the schights? Treesch? Farm animalsch? All that crap. You don’t schee any of thisch in the city, why don’t you appreciate the view?”

“Why don’ts you ask for directions?” Toki shot back. 

William dropped the map down, the back of his hands smacking his thighs as he looked over at Toki, scowl still on his lips. 

“From who ? The horsches, the goddamn scheep?” 

“Just drives in one direction instead of circles, maybes we finds someone.”

William didn’t even bother to respond, just stared at him blankly as Toki looked back, sipping his drink loudly. William narrowed his eyes, before sighing and starting the car again, folding the map and shoving it back into the glove box. 

“Pick a direction.” 

“Ummm,... go left.” Toki pointed at the field on William’s side of the car, filled with grazing sheep. William nodded and drove the car up to the cross section. He made direct eye contact with Toki as he held the wheel, motioning his hand slightly left, then suddenly and sharply turning right, gunning it down the dirt road. Toki frowned and downed the rest of his soda, throwing the bottle over his shoulder into the back seat.

“You ams such an asshole, you knows dat?”

“Schut up or I’m leaving you with the cows.” He replied, trying to hide his grin. 

….. 

It was about a good half an hour drive before they happened upon what looked like a suburb. There sat parallel lines of old fashioned houses, bushes in front of wide windows, and stone walkways in front of every door. It was the type of neighborhood where everyone had pink flamingos in their front lawn, neighborhood barbecues every Saturday, community church every Sunday morning. The spitting image of a place fit for the typical nuclear family, and witnessing from the outside made William feel sick. His beat up car had stuck out from the modern vehicles in the driveways, it was no place for a guy like him and some weirdo he picked up from the side of the road to be.

Nevertheless, said weirdo was insistent on asking someone for directions instead of figuring out where to go based on context clues like a man does. So William was here, sticking out like the creepy neighbor at the park all the parents warn their kids about, driving up and down the neighborhood to find someone he can ask where to go. Though, it was smack dab in the middle of the weekday, and in the afternoon no less, so if anyone was home they were not opening the door for strangers. It was almost a ghost town, and William would’ve assumed it was abandoned if it wasn’t for the motions he saw behind curtained windows. William tapped his fingers against the wheel anxiously as raindrops began to trickle over his windshield.

“Why’s don’t we knock on de door? Asks someone inside?” Toki suggested but William shook his head no, “They’re gonna think we’re mormonsch or something, probably won’t even open the door.” 

William turned into another street, following another string of houses, until they got to the end of the neighborhood, to a house at the end of the street that held a small crowd of people. Weird, but being a suburbs it could've been a Tupperware party or something. At least he can finally ask about where to go. William pulled up to the small crowd and rolled down the window, whistling through his teeth to get someone’s attention. 

“Excuse me!” 

The crowd of about four people turned to him, before a man in a tan suit with shoulder pads walked up to the car. The dude gave him a large grin, laying a hand across the top of the car as he leaned over to talk to William. The guy spoke in a bad transatlantic accent despite being dressed in a suit from the 80s, slicked back hair and orange patterned tie to match. 

“How can I help you boys? Here for the tour?” 

The tour?

“Uh, no. We’re trynna get to Missouri but we don’t know where we are.”

“You’re outside of Frankfurt so you’re pretty close by.” The man dropped his weird accent as he confirmed William’s thoughts about where they were. William looked over at Toki with a condescending look, Toki scowling back in response, crossing his arms. Toki shouldn’t have doubted his superior sense of direction, they would have probably been halfway through Missouri by now if Toki hadn’t doubted him. William turned back to the man. 

“What direction should we be going in?”

“Well,.. If you go up North you’ll end up in Indiana or Illinois, so you gotta head back down Southwest I think. I’m gonna be honest, I can’t say for sure. You guys ain't from around here?” 

“No shit.” 

Despite the blunt response, the man gave him a large grin, motioning to the house behind him, picking up the weird accent again. 

“You boys interested in taking a tour of the most haunted house here in all of Kentucky?” 

William glanced at the small yellow suburban house they were in front of. He took in the freshly mowed lawn, the pink flowers planted on the garden bed, and the freshly cut bushes lining up the store walkway to the door. It was the picture of perfection. He couldn't see how on Earth this could be ‘the most haunted house in Kentucky’. He doubted it was the most haunted house in the neighborhood itself. 

“I don't think scho.” 

The man didn't let up, “Y’all got somewhere to be to avoid a free tour? Although if you’d like to buy a t-shirt on the way out, I wouldn't protest.” 

Free? Now that caught his attention. William was cheap, mostly because he had to be. And William liked the word ‘free’, free samples, free food, free trial. He blamed his grandma and her love of coupons. The rain had started to fall anyways, steadily getting heavier. They definitely needed to take cover soon.

He turned to Toki to confirm that it wouldn't be the worst thing to take the tour when he saw his big glassy eyes looking back at him. He looked nervous. 

“Toki, you schared of haunted housches?” William asked, his voice teasing. Toki tensed, his face in a grimace, but he shook his head. 

“What? No, ams not a baby likes dat!” Toki denied, but his voice was thick, shaking slightly. William couldn't help the smug grin across his face as he looked back at the man. They definitely needed to go in now. 

“In that case, my friend and I would be more than happy to take the tour!” William said to the tour guide, who clapped his hands in excitement.

“Fantastic! The tour’s about to start, so go ahead and park up front and meet the group at the door!” 

William nodded and rolled up the window, driving the car up to the sidewalk and putting it in park. He unbuckled his belt and looked at Toki. 

“Let'sch go!” 

“Ams you sure dis ams okay? We needs to gets to California.” Toki asked, obviously trying to be nonchalant and failing. 

“It'sch not like we're in a time crunch. Beschides, itsch free. But if you're too schared to go in, we can just go.” William replied, voice dripping with condescension. Toki’s face scrunched, furious, before he aggressively undid his seat belt and swung open the door. 

“Fine. Let's go!” 

William almost flinched with how aggressively Toki slammed the car door, but he snickered when he realized Toki was holding his teddy bear in his arms. 

…..

“Wow, dis fuckings SUCKS!” 

William couldn't have agreed more. He hadn't expected much when he had joined the tour, and it looks like he should've expected even less than that. 

The tour had started with the history of the house, which would've been cool if it wasn't for the fact that the house was only about 40 years old, built in the 1960s. So the word ‘history’ here was essentially non-existent. Somehow the man had managed to stress this part of the tour for about 20 minutes before they were even allowed in the fucking doorway, his bangs were now dripping water into his eyes because of the rain. At least William knew why the guy was dressed the way he was, it was part of his whole act. It seemed like his whole life revolved around this stupid house because once they crossed the threshold, the man began prattling about his own history. 

“I myself lived in this neighborhood when I was a teenager. I lived in the next street over, when this neighborhood was once the talk of the town! It was still fairly new, and it was your typical neighborhood. There were barbecues every Fourth of July, Christmas lights every December-” 

“Get to the haunted housche part already!” William yelled from the back, much to the other tourist’s chagrin. A woman glared at him, but he didn't care. He was just saying what everyone else was thinking. It's not his fault they were all too scared to speak up. He heard Toki yell out in agreement besides him.

“Ja, why ams it haunted?” 

The man chuckled awkwardly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. 

“I guess I’ve been prattling on, huh? Alright, let's get back to it. Anyways, the incident took place in about 1983-” 

William had to bite back a groan of annoyance as the history lesson continued, staring up at the ugly ass yellow wallpaper dotted in psychedelic red flowers. Very typical for the 70’s, the house seemed frozen in history, covered in old furniture and vintage electronics. 

William frowned as he studied the design. He must've seen it somewhere else, because for some reason the pattern felt so… familiar. He just couldn't place why. His grandmother probably pasted the same paper on the walls of his when he was a kid, or something. The feeling felt fuzzy, almost out of reach. He could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up, a heavy feeling coming over his chest and shoulders.  

Weird. 

Maybe the ghosts in the house are getting to him. As if.

“Williams, yous okay?” 

He felt a hand wrapped his arm and he flinched out of instinct. He turned to see Toki holding his hand up in surrender, looking at him with concern. 

“Williams?” 

“Schorry, yeah I’m fine. Don’t call me William.”

“Sorries-”

“Boys, don't get left behind.” They heard the tour guide call out. William glanced at Toki, nodding towards the open doorway.

“C’mon let'sch just finisch the tour and get going. I’m probably juscht hungry or… schomething.” William walked off, hearing Toki’s hesitant footsteps behind him. 

They followed the small group into the kitchen, the same yellow wallpaper coming with them. The kitchen was simple; counters on either side of the small room, old fashioned fridge, and dark brown cabinets lining the ceiling. Still, as William looked at the marble counters, he felt that weird feeling tugging at him again, nausea building in his stomach as he walked into the dining room. 

Then he saw it. 

He vaguely registered Toki bumping into his back. It didn't matter, he was frozen. It wasn't anything unusual, but he felt the room spin as he took in the wooden high chair sitting in front of the small round dining room table. On the little plastic table sat a little blue bowl, empty. The realization hit him like a freight train. 

‘No, that's impossible’

“Moidaface?” Toki’s voice had become background noise, had joined the choir of the buzzing in his head and the conversation of the crowd. He felt his breath catch in his throat, felt both the heat rush throughout his body and a chill roll down his back, and he had to concentrate not to physically crumble onto the floor. An animal instinct to run away from the all-too-bright lights was swallowed by the realization that he couldn't move even if he wanted to. 

‘Its fucking impossible!’

He could vaguely hear Toki calling his name again, but more clearly he had realized what exactly the tour guide was saying when he had meant this house was haunted. Or more specifically, who was haunting it.

“-Only after about a year after the baby’s birth would the husband take the life of his wife and himself. The reason why he had done this is still unknown to this day, but the violence and aggression of the event had led to speculation of it being due to stress, anger, and marital strain. I was able to access some photos of the crime scene that I will be passing along to the group. Now, I warn you, the photos are very gruesome-” 

William could do nothing but numbly take the photo passed to him, and he felt the bile build up his throat as he looked down at what he could only describe as his own much older face looking back up at him. 

Chapter Text

William wasn't sure what had happened after seeing his father's face for the first time in his life, but he suddenly found himself sobbing on the front lawn of the house, rain soaking down his back. He couldn't hear anything but his own heart pounding through his ears as he desperately tried to breathe. He couldn't even really think coherently, his head was full of so many feelings and sensations and memories that he didn't know how to make it stop. It was like all of his senses were being violated all at once. 

William felt a scream rip from his throat as something pressed gently on his back. Instinctively he threw his elbow out, and turned to see Toki on his knees in front of him, holding his cheek. Despite William elbowing him in the face, Toki didn't back away, instead he stood up and dragged him up to his feet by his arm with a surprising amount of strength. He felt himself be practically carried as he continued to gasp for breath, tears still streaming down his face. 

Vaguely he could hear the car door open behind him, and felt himself sat down on the back seat, Toki kneeling in front of him in the pouring rain. 

“Williams, looks at me. Looks. At. Me.” 

William struggled to raise his head from where it hung over his chest, and he felt Toki grasp his face gently with both hands to make eye contact. Toki looked at him, hair soaked through, worry on his face. Then, without warning, Toki clapped a large hand over his nose and mouth, effectively cutting off his breathing. William went to rip his hands off his face but Toki held on tightly, knocking him down the backseat over their guitar cases as he kicked. After about a minute of struggling, Toki finally dropped his hands and allowed him to take a gasping breath, pulling him back upright by the shoulders. 

“Okie, breathe, and slowly.” 

“Why did you-”

“Shush, breathe!”

William could barely think, so he just did as Toki said as Toki counted out loud. 

One. 

Two. 

Three. 

Four. 

Five. 

Hold.

Then breathed back out. 

One. 

Two. 

Three. 

Four.

Five. 

 He tried to listen as best he can to Toki’s voice talking him through the seconds. As he breathed, Toki grabbed his hands, rubbing his thumbs down the back of his hands, encouraging him. The whole thing felt… weird. And gay. But he finally felt the fog in his head clear out and the weight on his chest lighten by just the tiniest bit. William felt himself shiver as he realized the rain had soaked through the last of his clean clothes.

“Feels better?” 

No. 

“I guessch. What wasch that?” 

“I thinks you hads a panics attack. What happened?” 

William didn't know how to answer that. He wasn't even sure himself. He felt like an idiot, he should've realized that of course his grandparents would've moved him out of the state. He should've realized it was his childhood home he was just invited to tour. It was a ridiculous thought, how was he supposed to know about something he was never told. Still, that image of his father’s face covered in blood, jagged cuts splitting it unevenly down the center of his face was so clear; it was like he was still staring at the photo. He should've been unrecognizable, but William knew his own reflection. 

No wonder his grandmother hated him.

William stayed silent as Toki pushed his wet hair out of his face, grabbing his attention. He gave him a small smile, cupping his face gently. His palms felt warm despite the rain. 

“Let's go?” 

William nodded.

“Yeah, okay.” 

…..

The drive into the city was quiet, William not wanting to speak and Toki not wanting to force him to speak. All William tried to focus on was the wet feeling of his clothes sticking to him like second skin. Any other thought in his mind seemed to dissipate besides that damn photo. His grandparents made it a point to erase any memory of his parents from his life. Their family photos, heirlooms, and even his last name were completely eradicated from his life. Then William had packed up what was left of his (apparently second) childhood home and reinvented his name again to get even farther away from his family. It seemed though, that no matter what, he couldn’t escape his past. It didn't matter how far he drove, how much he’s thrown away, how much of himself he had abandoned, he was still his father’s son.

William felt like crawling out of his skin, and at that point he couldn’t decipher if it was the dampness or the guilt and anger in his stomach. When he had spotted the coin operated laundry mat, he had hoped it was the latter. 

So there they were, doing the world’s smallest load of laundry in their underwear, the whole building empty and unattended except for a middle aged man asleep at the ‘manager’ desk up front. William sat quietly on the tile floor in only his boxers and boots, listening to the rhythmic sounds of Toki’s shoes knocking against the machine he was sitting on beside him. William noted that Toki had a hard time standing still, a fact that was exceedingly proven right by Toki getting up in that moment and stretching his legs. 

Like William, he was down in only his converse and briefs. Toki had bent over to touch his toes, his ass inches away from William’s direction, and William had to pointedly look away from the assault that was suddenly thrust upon his eyes. Toki’s defined, girlish behind was not a welcome distraction. If anything, it was making him feel worse somehow. William looked back again, just to make sure that Toki had stood back upright (he was doing arm stretches now), when he noticed the deep scars climbing up his muscular back. They laid horizontally, and were fairly clean in how they were formed. As if they were deliberately made. 

William wasn't a stranger to corporal punishment. His grandmother used to smack him with a wooden spoon or with whatever was in arms reach. On rare occasions, when he had really fucked up, he had to walk home with bottle caps in his shoes or kneel in rice in the kitchen for a few hours. Nothing that left permanent or deep scars, but that were as humiliating as they were painful. But it looked like whatever Toki’s parents had put him through was something ancient and angry. It was something that his grandmother would tell him to be thankful for that she couldn't discipline him the way they used to way back when. 

Before he could bite back the question he already knew the answer to, he asked, “What’sch with the schars?” 

He felt himself cringe as Toki flinched, but Toki seemed to take it in stride, though William noticed how he tucked his hair behind his ear anxiously. Toki tapped his heels against the floor for a second, before walking back and sinking down beside him, tucking his knees against his chest. 

“It was um... repentance… for my sins.. Ams common in my village. We ams all born with sins we needs to expel."

“I know that’sch what it is, I just didn’t realize people schtill did that kinda thing.” 

Toki raised his gaze, looking into William’s eyes, “I t’oughts you knew. Ams dat not why you have those?” 

“Have what?”

Instead of answering, Toki had reached out his hand and grasped William’s wrist gently. William felt Toki’s thumb against his pulse as Toki gently turned his wrist out, stroking his thumb down the delicate white marks lining down his skin. William looked down at his wrists, where his grandmother would slap a wooden ruler against his skin. He had almost forgotten about those. The last time his grandmother had hit him there, he was old enough and big enough to get her to stop. It’s a memory he didn’t like to think about too deeply.  He gently removed his wrist from Toki’s grasp, shoving his hands between his thighs instead. 

“That was more for when I’d messched up at school or schomething… not really anything crazy like what you had to deal with.” 

William had tried to deflect but Toki had moved his gaze down to look at where his underwear met his thighs, Toki’s finger brushing over the crooked welts there, his tough feather-light. William tried not to think about why the delicate touch made him shiver or why he felt butterflies in his stomach. It's probably the subject matter. It was something he didn't like talking about. 

“And these?”

William didn’t bother to speak, the look on his face was enough of an answer. They both knew what those were. 

Toki took his hand back, tucking them in his lap as silence filled the laundromat. William felt antsy, and desperately looked for a distraction, settling on Toki’s profile. William noted the scars went over his shoulders to his upper arms, which were surprisingly muscular. William resisted the weird urge to reach out and feel the marks left behind, the welts wide and raised over his tanned skin. It made him wonder where Toki’s cheery attitude came from. Toki was a bit aggressive, and defensive. He found this out pretty early on, they were similar in that aspect. But Toki seemed to approach everything with positivity and childlike wonder. William had gone through half of what he’s been through, and all he held was contempt for every second of his life. At this point he lived based solely on spite, like hell he’d die before he could see his grandmother put into the ground with his own two eyes. Toki seemed to live his life in the opposite direction. Toki was dealt a difficult hand, how did he approach his life so positively?

His thoughts were interrupted by their machine letting out a little song, a signal that their clothes were finished.

William got up and dragged their clothes out of the machine, their once stained and disgusting clothing now smelling vaguely like the lavender fabric softener that William had forcibly knocked out of the vending machine (he wasn't paying 6 dollars for a soda-sized bottle of fabric softener). He threw the clothes into the nearest dryer and thumbed the rest of their quarters into the slot, then sat back on the ground as the machine rumbled to life. 

For a few seconds, both Toki and him watched the machine shake in effort, before Toki straightened up and addressed the elephant in the room. 

“Whats happened back dere?”

William himself wasn’t sure. It’s not like he personally knew his parents. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t even come up with a vague idea of what his mother looked like. The best his brain could supply him with is the image of a woman in those old vhs cartoons his grandmother would buy him from the bargain bin. A woman with a white dress patterned with red polka dots, fluffy white apron, string of pearls, and kitten heels. No face, no personality. Just vaguely what he thought a mom would look like. He knew what his dad was, his grandparents reminded him constantly, but he never tried to picture him. It was like trying to put a face to the boogeyman. 

William slipped his thumb into his mouth, digging his gaped teeth into the calloused skin. There was no way to ease into the conversation. 

“When I was a baby, my dad killed my mom and then himschelf with a chainschaw.” 

Toki blinked, his face twisting into a familiar expression of horror and shock. William was familiar with that look, he’d seen it often enough. Except this time, he didn’t have the luxury of acting like it wasn’t a big deal. Toki had already witnessed his true feelings about it. He didn’t even realize that’s how he truly felt about the whole thing until he had run out of that damn house. William bit down harder, tasting iron in his mouth. 

Toki let out a heavy sigh, seeming unsure of what to say. William couldn’t blame him. It’s not like anything he could say would make him feel better anyways.

Toki had decided instead to ask him another question instead, “You had a panics attack because the haunted house reminded yous of what happened?”

“Yeah, something like that.” William lied. Toki hummed in response, unsure of what to say anymore. There wasn't anything to say. 

Ending up at a place he didn’t even know existed, it felt way too coincidental. Like divine intervention was trying to drag him back into the past. It was ridiculous how his life was just continuously trying to screw him over. Maybe this was God trying to get him to repent for abandoning his fucked up life. 

Maybe this was Hell. 

The silence dragged on, he felt cold. Though William had to admit, his mind was empty now. He couldn't place if it was a good or a bad thing. All he could think of now was the rocking sounds of the machine, the gritty feeling of the tiles under his palms, the sound of thunder outside the building. The rain had soaked into his skin but in the hour they were here he had dried off, leaving a sticky sheen across his body. He could use a shower, but he didn’t have that luxury. His matted hair had even started to frizz because of the humidity somehow. He couldn't imagine how pathetic he looked right now. 

He felt Toki shift beside him, and before he could blink, he felt himself pressed up against Toki’s side, his arms wrapping themselves over his shoulders in an awkward hug. Toki had slid his knees down against the floor to get even closer, tucking his head under William’s chin. William felt frozen as he felt Toki breathe against his bare neck and chest. 

“Toki… what the fuck are you doing?” 

Instead of speaking, Toki tightened his arms around his shoulders as best he could, trying to snuggle even closer. William felt as though he should be disgusted, or uncomfortable by the whole situation. Felt as though he should shove Toki away, insult him. But Toki felt so warm, and despite the painful feeling of his knees digging into his upper thigh, William felt comfortable. Comfort was rare for him. 

William forgot himself for a second, forgot his state of undress, his shame, his guilt, his anger, and with a delicacy he didn't know he had, he laid his own hands gingerly on Toki's back. William ignored the wetness that built in the corners of his eyes, instead mapping out the scars running down Toki’s shoulders, noting his soft skin in contrast with the welts. He wasn't sure if the hug was for Toki or for him, he didn't care to ask. 

William wasn't sure how long they sat there, but it was long enough for him to almost jump out of his skin when he heard the dryer beep, signaling that their clothes were done. William felt embarrassed as he pushed Toki off of him as gently as he could, his cheeks burning. William cleared his throat, standing up and walking over to the dryer. 

“Come get your schtuff.” 

William took a glance at Toki, who neither looked embarrassed by the situation nor upset by William pushing him away. Instead, Toki smiled softly, getting up on his feet. For some reason Toki’s casual attitude made his face burn hotter, and he made sure to put a few feet between them as he packed up his minuscule wardrobe. 

Once his spare clothing was packed up, he slipped on his khaki shorts over his boots and his old ‘Motley Crue’ shirt over his head, the clothes still burning hot against his ice cold skin. He grabbed the rest of his stuff, and turned just as Toki placed his beanie back over his head. 

“Let’sch get the fuck out of here.” 

Chapter Text

“Hvordan går det.” 

“Voudon-.”

“Hvordan.” Toki corrected. 

“Isch that not what I’m schaying?” William asked, glancing over. Toki pressed his lips together and shook his head ‘no’. 

“You ams sayings it wrong.” 

“Okay okay fine, repeat it for me.” 

“Hvordan. Går. Det.” Toki repeated, slowly, emphasizing every word. William furrowed his brow, scowling at him. 

“That'sch literally what I fucking schaid.” He said, exasperated. 

As much as William had desperately wanted to just lay in the uncomfortable air created by his impromptu confessional back at the laundromat, Toki had decided that now was the perfect time to bond. He had decided to give William his backstory in discovering metal music in Norway, the shops he would visit in town, his favorite music genres (which were metal and 80’s classics), and then had committed the cardinal sin of touching his radio. William had a carefully catered music taste that had developed over years, and the few CDs that he hadn’t pawned off cycled through so he didn’t have to struggle finding a decent station as he drove. But Toki did not care about any of this, since he insisted on trying to find a decent station to listen to. Once William had heard the intro to the song ‘Fireflies’ he knew he had to engage in conversion or the next couple hours until nightfall would be tortuous. 

He had walked them back to his former topic of conversation about his life in Norway, which eventually led to an impromptu language lesson. This was a huge mistake on William’s part. They had spent about half an hour on vowel sounds and the word ‘hallo’ until Toki was satisfied with starting the next lesson. In all honesty, it all sounded like gibberish to him. 

“You ams still saying it wrong!”

“I have a fucking schpeech impediment, you dick! I can’t schay ‘s’es!” 

“There ams no ‘s’ in de words I’m giving you, idiot dildo! You ams just stupid!” 

“You're the ‘idiot dildo’! Can't even inschult someone properly in english!” 

“I know TWO languages, you only knows ONE! Ams smarter den you at least!” 

William paused, frowning. Technically, even with how he struggled with English, Toki was right. What a jackass. 

“Fine, fine, schmart guy. Gimmie the fucking word again.” 

“Hvordan. Går. Det. Ams a phrase, not word.” 

“Hv.. hvor..dan. Hvordan.” 

“Ja, good!  Now ‘går det’.”

“Går det.” 

William glanced towards Toki once he got the phrase out in approval, who clapped eagerly at his crude pronunciation, grinning widely. As stupid as it was, the positive attention made William feel nice, albeit mildly embarrassed. He had to actively suppress the smile trying to break across his face at the praise. He cleared his throat to try to clear the air, but the warmth in his chest had remained anyways. 

“Okay, what'sch that mean anyways.” 

“Means ‘hows are you’, you say dat to acquaintance and new friends.” Toki explained. William scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

“You gonna teach me anything important? Like how to pick up Norwegian babes or schomething?” William joked, but Toki frowned, shaking his head no. 

“Dat ams important! You need friends in new places!” Toki explained seriously. William laughed slightly. 

“I don't need friendsch.” 

“Yes you dos. Yous my friend, ams how we getting to California! If you make friends it helps, makes travel more fun and less lonely.” 

Both what Toki had said and the way he said it, softly and earnestly, made him pause for a second. 

When had they become friends? He’s known this guy for, what, two days now? ‘Friends’ doesn’t really fit the weird dynamic they had created. That should be reserved for someone whose last name he knew at the very least, or...  something. He wasn’t completely sure what constituted becoming ‘friends’, never having made any long term friends before. Or even short term for that matter. He didn’t have any frame of reference for, well, whatever the hell this was. 

 He pretended to have a disinterest in Toki, but he had unwillingly learned about his life; his backstory, his interests, his likes and his dislikes. And while he couldn’t be completely sure, it was very likely Toki knew the same about him.  Does that qualify as friendship? 

It was kind of pathetic in all honesty. His first friend was some kid he had found on the side of the road that he had made an unwilling audience to his fucked up life. 

All the same, for a glimmer, it was nice he had a friend. Maybe even a best friend. 

Ugh, gross. 

“Alright, fine, Toki.” William surrendered their short lived argument, asking his new best friend, “Hvordan går det?”

Toki beamed brightly, both at the question and William’s silent admission of friendship, smiling from ear to ear at his god awful pronunciation. His response was just as eager and excited.

“Veldig bra!” 

“Doesch that mean ‘I’m good’?” William asked. 

“Ja, but very excitedly, means dat you ams very happy!” Toki explains, pronouncing the phrase again slowly for William to practice. William mouthed the words, trying to get the feel of them before pronouncing the phrase out loud.  

“Veldig bra… velding bra… okay, give me another one.” 

Toki hum, leaning back in his seat to think of what to teach him next. William waited for a beat, then two, then three. The silence was long enough for him to realize that the station Toki had turned to was beginning to play Nickleback’s ‘Rockstar’. After about thirty seconds, William had gotten frustrated, practically hearing the cogs in Toki’s head turn and seeing the smoke coming out of his ears. 

“Can’t you juscht teach me ‘goodbye’ or schomethin’, why are you thinking about it scho hard!” He complained. Toki turned to glare at him, before his eyes widened at a sudden realization, his face turning the slightest shade of pink. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear before he opened his mouth to give William his next challenge. 

“Jeg elsker deg.” 

“Isch that what you want me to scay? Yay elscar day?” 

“Nei. Try again. Jeg elsker deg. Say it slowly. Jeg.” 

“Jeg.” 

“Elsker.” 

“E-elsker.” 

“Deg.” 

“Deg.” 

“Okie. Says de whole phrase now.” 

“Jeg elsker deg.” 

William had glanced at Toki for approval of his pronunciation of the phrase.

“Did I schay it right?”

Toki nodded, running his palms down his thighs. His face was pinker than before, his lips pursed, visibly holding back a grin. When he responded to William’s question, his voice was low and measured, as if holding something back. 

“Ja. Ams correct.” 

William furrowed his brows at Toki’s sudden silence, still pink with that stupid fucking look on his face. He felt as though he was left out of a joke, or was the butt of it. It made him squirm in his seat at the sudden change in mood. 

“Toki get that dumbassch look on your face, what’d ya juscht make me say?” 

Toki got a sudden ‘deer in the headlights’ look, his face turning yet another shade darker as he giggled.  He scratched his cheek, looking briefly out the window before turning back to look at him.

“It uh,..it means.. Horses dick.”

“What the fuck?” 

“Ja, means yous an asshole in Norway!” 

Toki snickered as William blindly threw an arm out, smacking him across the shoulder multiple times, “You asschole, just making me schay shit for your own amuschement!” 

Toki continued to laugh gleefully as William finished up the attack on his shoulder, “Jeg elsker deg. Imma remember that, you jackassch. Alright, give me an actual word thisch time. No funny business” 

“Nej, ams a bit tired now. We should eat something I t’ink.” 

“Aight, whatever, I can eat. What we got left?”

Toki shifted around over into the back seat, riffling through their leftover snacks. From what he remembered, they should have some beef sticks, chips, and some energy drinks left. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing since they didn’t have the expenses to buy more. It wasn’t a big deal, they had already passed the state sign, at the rate they were going, they had a good five hours to reach Kansas before the sun went down. They could probably get to Nevada or so by tomorrow night. After that, he didn’t have to worry about feeding both of them. He would be back to fending for himself. 

William shook off the weird feeling of sadness that suddenly overwhelmed him at this though, immediately replaced with confusion. What the hell was he so sad about? He knew that Toki would be a temporary problem for him, it’s why he offered to drive him in the first place. He had been nothing but a nuisance for him the whole time too. He should’ve been more than happy to unload him. 

So why wasn’t he?

“Okie, gots you somet’ing.”

William's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Toki’s voice. He shook off the weird feelings in his chest, reaching his hand out between them to take whatever Toki was offering. He looked down when he felt something smooth, heavy, and round instead of something light covered in plastic wrap. William rolled his eyes as he looked down at the orange sitting in the center of his palm. He glared at Toki, who was already peeling his own orange, tossing peels out the open window. 

“Toki, I'm driving. How am I schupposed to eat that crap? Just get me a beef stick or something I can eat with one hand.” 

Toki took the orange back and the silence returned again. After about a minute of not getting his snack, William turned to complain about what was taking Toki so damn long when he felt a poke against his cheek.

The hell?

 He raised his hand to grab at the offending thing when Toki slapped his hand away, poking him again. 

“Toki, what the fuck?” 

“Ams feeding it to you. Open up!” 

What? 

“Dude, that'sch gay. Just give it to me.” 

“No, ams helping so you can drive! Come on, open up. Ahhh!” 

William cringed as Toki pressed the food against his face once again, feeling hot under his collar. This was embarrassing, he was a grown man! He could eat his own damn food, thank you very much! 

“Toki, schtop it!” 

“Nej, c’mon take it! Ams me being friendly.” 

William turned to tell him to fuck off once and for all when he noticed what he was holding.

It was an orange slice. 

Toki had peeled the orange for him, and was now feeding it to him. Because he said he couldn't eat it while he was driving. He did that instead of just handing him something else. It was stupid, and it was kinda weird. But all the same, it was so damn... considerate. William felt the heat under his collar spread up to his face, over his cheeks, and down to his chest where his heart hammered at his ribcage. Kindness or not though, it was still embarrassing to have another dude feed him. He should have slapped that damn fruit out of his hand or told him to fuck off. But… he couldn’t find the energy to be mean. 

Instead, he opened his mouth, a bit hesitantly, and held his breath as Toki shifted the fruit from his cheek and against his lips. The heat in his chest seemed to spread farther down as the orange slice slid past his lips, Toki’s thumb brushing just the slightest bit against the corner of his mouth. He pulled the slice fully into his mouth with his tongue, popping the skin with his teeth and tasting the juice as he chewed. It's been years since he’d had an orange. 

They still sucked. 

He glanced at Toki, who was in the process of peeling off another slice for him. He had that dumb look again, cheeks bright pink, the smallest grin threatening to pass over his lips. William felt again as though he was left out of something. He didn’t ask this time, didn’t have to, as Toki pressed the orange slice against his lips as he turned his gaze now firmly to the horizon. The sun was still high in the sky, barely scraping the mountains in the distance, pink and red painting across the fading rain clouds. The heat of the sun filled him from head to toe as he chewed, Toki just as warm as the rays flitting through the window. 

They finished off another two oranges in silence. 

….

William barreled down the empty highway as the sun dipped below the mountains, shades of red bleeding into a purple hue as the clouds completely disappeared. William would consider driving around until midnight, but the events of the morning had exhausted him. If he had wanted to make it to Nevada at least by tomorrow night, he needed a full night's sleep. They were just outside of Kansas anyways, so it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to get some rest for a few hours.

William spotted a rest stop sign and followed the trail down into a large parking lot, trees condensing distantly around. He pulled into the corner of the parking lot near a stop light and put the car in park, the music still playing softy. Toki had fallen asleep about an hour ago, face pressed up against the window as he snored softly,  and William had decided not to disturb him.  It was the first time so far he had actual peace and quiet, even if it was disturbed by the occasional mumbled nonsense that came out of Toki’s mouth as he slept. He himself hadn't felt the urge to sleep just yet, so he decided to look over their route. He pulled his cd out from the car’s stereo system and decided to just let the radio play as background noise. His music taste was magnificent of course, but sometimes he needed a break, even if it was the annoying pop crap on the radio. As long as he doesn't hear ‘Fireflies’ again it wasn't a big deal. 

He switched the radio onto the first working station, which began to play the tail end of Queen’s ‘Under Pressure’. He opened the glove box and unfolded the map, marking off their trail down. If they got to it early enough, they could at most make it to Colorado before nightfall. Though, if William really wanted to, they could even drive through Nevada afterwards and get to California before the sun even rose. The trip was just about what William expected, maybe just a day longer.

It was almost all over. 

William felt that pang in his chest again, one that he promptly stifled down. It really wasn’t anything that deep; once Toki was out of his life he would forget all about him. The time would pass eventually. 

Whatever. 

William wrapped his map back up and shoved it in the glove box, laying back in his seat as another song began to play. He turned the volume up slightly to stifle the silence but not loud enough to disturb Toki’s deep sleep. Even though he could still hear him snoring, William still looked over, just to make sure he was actually still asleep.

He was curled up in his seat, face now turned towards him instead of against the window, chestnut brown hair falling over his face. His hat had fallen off at some point, his face now fully exposed, the street light leaving a halo over the crown of his head. His tanned skin looked as if it glowed, almost golden. William was struck again with how handsome Toki was. It really was unfair. His skin was smooth except for the slightest mustache over his deep cupid’s bow lips, which were just the slightest bit chapped with a delicate shade of pink. William noticed that his lashes were lighter like his hair, and long. They almost brushed over his high cheekbones. His features were delicate and soft. And yet, he also had a strong and prominent nose, his jaw squared, his shoulders wide, and his body lean.

William remembered his grandmother describing how angels looked in the bible when they allowed themselves to be viewed by human eyes. Beautiful. Powerful. Somewhere between a man and a woman, somehow both and neither all at the same time. As a kid, the description was confusing.

 Right now, he figured Toki fit pretty closely to that description. 

He turned back over to his window side quickly, trying not to think about why his heart started to hammer in his chest, why his face felt that warmth from that afternoon all over again. Instead, he looked out the window where he could see the stars, reaching his hand over the engine as the song began to end. He closed his eyes, and willed himself to sleep as the last notes of the song played over and over again in his head. 

So thank you (smile) for making me 
Making me feel like a man
Not keeping me crazy, crazy
(Smile) Smile awhile, oh
(Smile)

Sleep finally came to him, the last thought in his mind being that blinding grin of the man fast asleep beside him. 

Chapter Text

William was woken up at the crack of dawn by rays of light shining through his front windshield. Instinctually, he raised a hand in front of his face to block the sun swimming red in his vision, yawning loudly and stretching as best he could in his little car. He felt exhausted, he always did. It was a symptom of sleeping on the harsh and oddly angled cushions of his car. He rubbed the sleep and crust out of his eyes, wiping the drool off his chin, and turning to the right of him to shake Toki awake, just to flinch violently as he realized Toki was already up, looking blankly at him with those icy blue eyes. 

“Jesusch Chrischt, Toki, have you juscht been schtaring at me thisch whole time? How long have you been awake for?” William practically shrieked, his voice still thick with sleep. Toki flinched at the sudden scream, as if he didn’t realize he was burning holes through his body.

“Ams not been long..” Toki admitted with pink cheeks, looking away. At the very least it seemed he had the sense to be embarrassed for startling William like that. William frowned, yawning again and popping his back. He readjusted the seat properly and turned on the car to check the time on the dash board, just a few minutes after 6. Real damn early in the day, which means they can probably make it outside of Nevada by nightfall if they don’t stop driving. They just had to drive through Kansas, Colorado, and Utah. As far as he knew, there wasn’t much to see in those states besides rock formations and trees. Nice to see as they drove through but didn’t give them much reason to stop. Mountains are mountains all the same no matter the place. Most of the historic museums down there are about trains anyways (who gives a shit). 

“Alright, we schould get pretty closche if we keep driving and take minimal breaksch. Try to take it easchy on the drinking today and we schould get to California by tomorrow at most. We have 50 bucks left scho we’re gonna refill the tank with 30 bucksch and keep the 20 for EMERGENCIES ONLY, I’m not buying you SCHIT scho don’t ask for anything. Got it?” 

Toki stretched in his own seat, raising his arms over his head, his shirt climbing up over his slightly toned abdomen as his joints popped. Not that William was looking at the plain of slightly lighter toned skin on his stomach. 

He also didn’t notice the light chestnut hair trailing down there either. 

“Ja, but, maybes we should stretch first den?” Toki suggested in the middle of a yawn. 

It took William a second to realize that Toki was asking him a question, and a stupid one at that. He had just said they needed to go now but of course Toki never just fucking listens to him. 

“Why?” 

“We ams gonna be sitting all day, ams good for blood circulation if we move around.” Toki explained. William rolled his eyes. It sounded like exercise, and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. Plus, he’s been driving almost every day for the past 5 years with no issues. Why would he make any changes now? If his back hurt and his body felt stiff it’s because he’d been sleeping sitting up the past 5 years. Perfectly normal thing to happen. 

“Nah, let’s just go-” Before he could finish his sentence, Toki had already thrown the car door open and jogged to the other side of the car. William was pelted by sunshine and Toki’s bright smile as he pulled open the driver’s car door.  

“Let’s go, get out! We ams gonna stretch for a whiles and we wills feel good for de day! Come on!” 

William glared, clicking his seatbelt on and crossing his arms. Like hell he’s doing anything. 

“That’sch schtupid, we’re leaving and we’re leaving now!”

“You always says de car needs to ‘heat up’ anyways! Come on! Ams for your health!” Toki stated, ducking his body into the car.

“What the hell are you doing?!” This wasn’t the first time he’d ask Toki this, somehow he keeps one up-ing himself in invading William’s space. Right now he was essentially in his lap, struggling to unclick William’s seatbelt. He wasn’t even sure what to do besides yell obscenities as Toki finally clicked it open and dragged himself out of the car. The whole excursion had made him feel as if he ran a mile, but Toki still grabbed his upper arms roughly to force him out. He flopped over in his seat in an attempt to make it more difficult for him to get dragged out of the car, but Toki was evidently as strong as William was heavy. 

“Scheriouschly, what the hell are you doing?!” 

“We.. ams… exercising… to makes… de drive… easier!” William felt the smallest bit smug that at the very least he was making Toki’s excursion as difficult as possible. That, which disappeared as he hit the ground hard, his legs still draped over the seat. He looked up miserably as Toki stepped over him, casting a shadow over the rising sun. It seemed as though he got his energy back, his breath evening out as he grinned down at him. 

“Lets stretch!”

….

William was still panting 10 minutes later after Toki had allowed him to get back into the car. The windows were down, the air was blasting, but he was still sweating severely. The last time he exercised was walking the mile in gym class and getting hit in the face with dodgeballs and now Toki was having him do jumping jacks in the middle of a parking lot. He turned angrily to look at Toki, who was scarfing down three snack cakes for breakfast. The bastard didn’t even seem slightly exhausted by the exercise or guilty by the torture he had put William through. Toki had caught his eye and grinned with his mouth full, chocolate and whipped cream covering his face and teeth. Ew.

“You feels better?” He asked innocently, licking the chocolate off his lips. William’s heart thumped, no doubt the exercise was giving him a heart attack. Maybe he’d die soon, and it’d all be his fault. The jackass. 

“Ugh, I hate you. Baschtard.” He murmured, turning his view back to the street. The highway was still pretty empty, but he could just barely make out red mountains in the distance. Besides him he heard rustling, then felt Toki pressing something gently to his lips. He took a bite without looking, tasting chocolate and dense yellow cake. 

So he’s just feeding me now I guess .

That’s what friends did, right? Toki had fed him oranges the day before, so it was just a newly established boundary in their male platonic friendship. He vaguely recalled his grandmother feeding him bits of whatever she was eating or cooking by pressing it to his lips when he was still in elementary school, before he hit puberty and she suddenly hated him. It was just.. affectionate. It was normal. William licked the chocolate off his lips, taking another bite. 

“All that bullschit you gave me about being ‘healthy’ or whatever and we’re eating thisch crap for breakfast.” He scoffed through a mouthful of the pastry, taking a final bite from Toki’s hand, feeling his lips bump against his thumb as he finished it off. 

“Ja, you exercise and ams cancels out the sugar. Ams why you does it!” Toki replied happily, taking his hand back. From the corner of his eye, William could see Toki bring his thumb up to his mouth and lick the remaining chocolate from his thumb. 

William felt a shiver climb up his back, felt a twisting in his gut, and turned off the air conditioning, leaving the windows open. He felt cold and hot all the same. It was a weird feeling. Like opening the fridge on a hot day. The damn cake was probably making him feel sick. 

“We got anything else back there? Can't all juscht be Little Debbies left.” William glanced over his shoulder at their dwindling pile of snacks. He probably needed something savory to balance it out, those weird feelings in his tummy were probably giving him bubble gut, and he wasn’t gonna break his freshly established road trip rules. 

Toki grabbed the giant plastic jar of beef sticks they still had, opening it and offering over. It was half empty at this point. William grabbed a few, Toki following suit before throwing the jar over his shoulder into the backseat. William heard the jar knock over his dwindling belongings and bounce to hit his back window, both boys flinching at the sound. 

“Fuck, Toki, be careful!”

“Oh, sorries.” Toki said bashfully, stuffing his mouth. 

William rolled his eyes, popping the CD out of the stereosystem as his Dangerous Toys album came to an end. He handed the disk over, Toki taking it delicately and clicking the glove box open to put it back in its holder. He grabbed William’s remaining CDs, sorting through the last couple he had left and looking over the titles. William mostly owned his grandfather’s old CDs from the 80s and 90s, only about 2 of them were death metal albums that he bought with his own money. His grandmother thought the music was demonic, and seeing as most of the bands he listened to had burning skeletons covered in gore on the album, he couldn’t exactly dispute it. If anything, he probably bought his first CD for that particular reason in the first place. Not that she’d know he had it, he would usually hide things like that under his bed. Next to all his workout magazines and his report cards. 

Toki continued to sort through what was about roughly 8 different albums, all different bands, the plastic clinking against each other, “Ams dis all you have?”

“Yeah.”

“Sucks. Not’ing good.” 

William scoffed, “You wouldn’t know good music if it bit you in the assch. Juscht put schomething on. Maybe you’ll learn schomething about good music.” 

The audacity this guy had, insulting his music taste in his own car when he probably only listens to Cher or some girly crap like that. Luckily, Toki’s disrespect ended there as he found a CD he found acceptable, putting the rest back and popping open the case. William heard the whirling sound of the disc being sucked into the stereo and the clicking of the stereo as the first track was set to begin. William had expected to hear Chris Barnes' familiar voice or the drawn out notes of the electric guitar that all classic rock bands seemed to be so fond of.

Which is why he practically jumped out of his seat as George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley shouted ‘WOO WOO’ through his stereosystem, synth piano following soon after. William cringed as he had realized what CD Toki had chosen. 

Damn, he forgot about that one.

William kept his eyes firmly on the road as Wham’s ‘Bad Boys’ had blasted throughout his tiny car. He had found the CD in the glove box when he had bought the car second hand, and despite the faggy cover, he had taken a liking to the music. It was a guilty pleasure of his. His music could get a little repetitive, it was a good palette cleanser. So sue him, he liked a little funk and disco. He played the bass, of course he’s gonna like music that relies on it heavily.  It’s not his fault that gay people decided that the music was gay, or that George Michael himself turned out to be gay. It was just a coincidence! 

Definitely didn’t say anything about him as a person. 

And he’ll be damned if someone like Toki, the guy who begged him to buy him a teddy bear, would say otherwise. Yeah, why should he, of all people, have any opinion on it. At this thought, he glanced over with a sneer, daring Toki to say anything about it. 

Just to see him nodding his shoulders along to the beat, dancing with his hands, wiggling in his seat. Once they reached the chorus, he sang along. Aggressively loud, offbeat, and mumbling through half of the lyrics. No doubt not knowing what the fuck he was saying. 

“Bad boys! Sticks to’get’er, duh duh, sad boys! Do-do-do-do, woo-woo! Good guys! Ba ba ba rules oh guys, gets wise, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo!”

Toki continued to flair around, the car almost rocking with his aggressive motions. The guy was just… absolutely horrible at dancing. William felt the tension in his shoulders loosen, his chest lighten, as as Toki continued to try to sing along, he couldn’t help the laugh that exploded out of him, Toki getting startled out of his dance. William had to stop the car in the middle of the empty road just to catch his breath, Toki looking over at him, eyes wide and unblinking. After about a minute, his laughter finally slowed, the large grin on his face remaining as he turned to Toki, who was still bright eyed and now red faced. 

“I’m not making fun of you man,” William assured, still smiling, “You’re juscht… scho damn weird! It’sch awesome!” 

“Ams a good song.” Toki said softly, sounding almost awed. A compliment from thee William Murderface was a dime in a dozen, he must have felt honored that William liked him. William patted him on the shoulder, starting the car again. He nodded at Toki’s statement, starting the song over from the beginning so he could sing along. 

“It’sch a damn good song,” He agreed as the ‘woo woo’ echo’ed through the car, “I told you my music taschte was amazing.” 

Toki grinned right back, his god awful singing joining his own as they both sang along. 

Chapter Text

“Toki, get back in the car.”

“No.”

“Get back in the car, now!”

“But-”

“Now or I’m fucking leaving you!”

Toki groaned from.. somewhere, William scowling as he searched for his tall frame over the even taller green stalks. He had told him not more than 2 hours ago not to drink anything if he could help it, but when William wasn't looking, Toki had downed two Redbulls back to back and demanded William pull over or else he’d piss on his seats. And when William finally obliged, Toki had sprinted off to the nearest cornfield without even letting the car come to a full stop. William had allowed him a five minute grace period to desecrate whatever farmer's crops they'd stumbled upon. Those five minutes became fifteen before he had decided to hunt him down.

He had given him the benefit of the doubt about him just possibly getting lost, but when he finally found Toki, who had promptly turned around and sprinted deeper into the field with a giggle, he realized that the bastard was fucking with him on purpose.

William spun around in a circle, footprints dusting every open path around him, cursing loudly, “Dammit, Toki, we’re losing daylight!”

“Ams still early!”

“Which is why we gotta go now!”

“Finds me first!”

Toki giggled again, stalks bending and rustling back and forth as he moved around the field. William huffed, and started walking towards his left where he thought he heard Toki’s voice before. He wasn't really even sure where his car was anymore. He should've just ditched Toki in the cornfield and hoped they returned him to his home planet, but then what kind of friend would he be. He sighed again, loudly, then tried to listen to any kind of noise or hint to where Toki could've been hiding himself. But the plants seemed to have muffled any kind of sound as he pushed past more and more corn. It felt eerie, everywhere he looked it was just more and more greenery. Nothing existed anymore besides corn.

He’d almost forgotten what he had walked into the field for when he made eye contact with bright blue eyes peeking out between leaves, screaming as the figure jumped out of the plants and tackled him down like a lion on a gazelle. He groaned as he hit the ground hard, Toki's hands on either side of his head with a grin on his face.

“Toki, what the hell?!”

“Founds you!” Toki sang, dragging William off the ground, “I wins!”

Wasn’t William supposed to be looking for him?

Wait, that’s not the point.

“Thisch wasn't a game, jackassche! We gotta go!”

“Aww, ams you mads you ams a loser whats who didn't wins? Aww Williams, wants to play again?” Toki teased, poking William’s cheek playfully. William squinted, slapping his hand away roughly to show how serious he was, but Toki did it once again, poking him harder.

“Ugh, I schaid not to call me William, and I wasn't playing whatever dumb game you juscht made up! Are you being schtupid on purposche or what?! You-”

William paused when Toki tilted his head, fluttering his lashes innocently. He almost cringed outwardly, the look he was giving him reminded him of the pit-bulls who’d ask him for scrapes when he’d have lunch. The same dogs who’d bite him when he didn’t let up. The look made the hair on his neck stand up, but he also refused to look like a bitch in front of Toki. Any sign of weakness would challenge his already dwindling leadership.

He shook his head, pulling the hand Toki was still holding onto out of his grip.

“Let’sch juscht fucking go. We need to get to Kansas. Don't run off again or I'm leaving you here.”

William continued walking, not checking if Toki was following him, though he could hear him almost skipping behind him. The giddy little asshole.

After about ten straight minutes of walking in what William had assumed was South, they could finally see glimpses of the street as sunlight started to trickle through the thinning plants. William pushed and shoved his way through, plants whipping through his thick hair and leaving red marks on his exposed arms where he shoved stems and leaves out of the way, until they had finally made it out.

All the way to the opposite side of where his car was standing.

Fuck.

“Moidaface, de cars over ‘dere.”

“I CAN FUCKING SCHEE THAT!”

…

They had crossed the ‘Welcome to Kansas’ sign when Toki decided he had another personal emergency. William had wanted to refuse, thinking Toki was lying because he’d already gone in the cornfield, but realized he couldn’t exactly risk it when Toki started squirming in his seat. Especially not when Toki had rolled down the window and started to unbuckle his pants, pressing himself against the frame. So William pulled over. Again. And Toki ran away.

AGAIN.

At least he hadn’t run into another fucking cornfield.

No, instead, he had to chase Toki through a flat field of grass while Toki frolicked gaily (pun intended), picking wild flowers all the while. It took him a solid 20 minutes to catch him and another 10 to wrangle and drag him back to the car, where William then had to threaten to ditch him and strong arming him around the waist to finally get Toki inside the car. Even then, Toki decided to annoy William to no end by braiding wildflowers into loose strands of his hair. After William’s initial complaints about it, he gave up on waving him off when he realized that it was keeping him busy and calm. William rolled his eyes as Toki finally finished and leaned back in his seat, admiring William's hair all on the right side of his head that he successfully braided before he turned back and began fiddling with the radio. Ugh. It was like Toki was on a secret mission to distract him from the drive. Those damn energy drinks must've suddenly drove him insane.

They drove for another hour before William had realized they had drove in the wrong direction, no doubt because Toki kept yanking the map out of his hands 'to helps with directions'. They had gotten up North instead of West, and they had ended up in a small town that looked like a miniature Sweden. It wouldn’t have been a big deal to just turn around and drive back down, if it wasn’t for the fact that Toki had begun to get teary eyed and begged him to look around for a bit. When William had pointed out that Toki left Norway by choice, Toki just started crying harder. So hard he threw up.

After that he had to let them out for a little while to air out the car. William let himself get dragged as Toki took him by the arm as they walked past small buildings and apartments that ‘looks similars to Norway but ams slightly different’, or whatever the fuck that meant. After about an hour of Toki pointing out yet another brightly painted wooden horse hidden among the slew of rainbow buildings, William was more than ready to go. And he had managed to herd Toki near the car with promises of letting him mess with the radio until some old blond man recognized his stupid fucking accent and struck up a lengthy conversation. William had to wait next to the car as they talked in Toki’s ridiculous language, and he had to fight the urge to grab him and just shove him in the front seat. He didn't have the heart to do so though, because the more Toki chatted, the more he brightened up. He didn’t know why, but seeing Toki’s face light up made him feel warm all over.

And maybe that’s how, 20 minutes later, he had found himself visiting a ‘castle’ outside of the city with a concerning amount of blond people, which was about six but it still felt like too many in one group.

He couldn't lie, the stone building was absolutely gorgeous, nestled on a small hill over plain grass fields, though he was too annoyed and exhausted to enjoy the view. He had planned to be in Nevada by that night, and it was already late in the afternoon, so everything was already completely ruined. They could maybe make it if they left soon, but they only had so much sunlight left, not to mention that Toki seemed absolutely enamored with the building.

He was on autopilot, letting Toki drag him by the hand as the rest of the group chatted amongst themselves. There was no tour guide walking them through what the purpose of the building was, just a bunch of little signs neither of them bothered to read.

“Ams so cool!” Toki exclaimed as they walked into another room, which seemed to be a dining room with several stone carved tables and benches. William agreed, nodding.

“T’s alright I guessch… Not much to schee though.”

“I t’inks ‘deres more on the roof.”

Toki led him to a worn and steep staircase, letting William go first up the small slanted steps up to the roof. The second floor wasn't much more than a balcony, a large one at that, but the view was nicer a few feet up.

“Wowie, ams super pretty!”

William thought so too, though it was kind of gay and weird to say as a guy, but Toki was both of those things so it didn't matter too much. There were clear blue skies above and grass sprouting green from below, the fields blooming far and wide with wildflowers. He looked over at Toki, who looked around with wide winter blue eyes, wind blowing his chestnut hair over his face, almost pulling the hat off his head. His hair looked almost blond in the light, his skin sun-kissed, freckles over his nose.

He must've been looking at him too long, because Toki looked back at him, hitting him with that blindingly bright smile and all when their eyes met. After holding his gaze for a beat, Toki looked back away, tucking his loose hair behind his ear with that same smile still on his face, and William felt the snakes in his stomach writhing again, looking back down at the grass dotted with yellow flowers and clovers.

If he leapt off the roof, it would cushion him nicely.

“Hey, Toki?”

“Hm?”

“...Let'sch have lunch.”

…..

They had finished off the rest of their snacks while sitting in the grass, chatting idly about anything and everything. William yanked grass and clovers out of the dirt as they chatted, digging through the handful to see if any were lucky. When he plucked a little weed with four leaves on them and presented it to Toki proudly, Toki excitedly challenged him to see if they could find anymore. So for another hour, they had searched throughout the grass to see if they could find any more four leaf clovers.

The sun was setting when they finished up and headed back into the car, Toki leading the way with William scowling behind him.

“You sucks at dis.” Toki giggled showing off the handful of clovers he found, while William stared down at his singular clover. William frowned at the sad little weed, shoving it idly in his pocket.

“It'sch not a fucking schkill, Toki, it'sch just luck!”

“Dens you has super bad luck, haha!”

“God, just schup up!”

Toki laughed again as they climbed into the car, William glaring into dead space as he turned the key in the ignition.

“You wants one, huh? Will dat makes you feel better?”

“Why would I want one?”

Toki just smiled again, gently this time, rummaging through his handful of treasures.

“Why not? I wants to share my luck with you.” Toki said earnestly. The words made the frown slip off his face, even though what he said was, objectively, really fucking stupid. The clover’s luck came from the person who was able to find it, because it meant they were lucky enough to find said clover in the first place, not the clover itself. It wasn't something that could transfer over like a rabbit’s foot.

William glance at Toki from the corner of his eye as he pulled out of the lot. Toki was carefully forming the clovers into a small bouquet, making sure the faces of the weeds were outward, before wrapping the tiny bundle in a random fast food napkin, tucking the thing into an empty can like a makeshift vase. It was… really weird.

Still, he couldn't help but feel moved, if just slightly.

“That’s not how it worksch Toki.. but thanksch, I guess.”

Toki grinned, yawning loudly and stretching in his seat.

“Wowie, ams sos tired, we did a lot today.”

“You did a lot, you jackassch. Made me run around when we got schit to do.”

Toki waved him off, un-clipping his seat belt to get comfortable, kicking his feet up on the dashboard, “But you has fun, ja? Was a wonderful date..”

“Wonderful what?”

“Day.. so much fun..” Toki yawned again, louder than before, then turned his back on William, “Good night Williams.”

“Murderface. I keep telling to to call me Murderface.”

Toki waved him off again, before letting out almost comically large snores, tucking himself against the window. William rolled his eyes again, deciding to leave Toki to his fake sleeping. It was early evening, so if anything maybe he’d really fall asleep and wake them up by sunrise the next morning. For now, the best he could hope for was getting outside of Utah. LA would have to wait.

He reached for the last can of whatever concoction of sugar and caffeine they still had left, snapping it open, and taking a large gulp. He was in for a long night.

…

It was about 2 am when William had started straying a bit, which meant he had to stop driving for the night. He had managed to make it outside of Durango, nearing the border of Utah before he felt himself drifting off the road. He'd gotten pretty far, all things considered.

He pulled into a shopping mall parking lot then got out his map to check off the route they were moving through. When he had met Toki, he has expected to get across the country in less than 3 days, now they were almost a full week into their trip. It seemed even longer than that, but he guessed that's what happened when you were forced to spend a lot of time with someone. It almost felt like he's known Toki forever.

He wrapped up his map, lying his car seat flat as he laid back. Toki’s fake snoring had now turned into smaller sleepy sounds, his back still turned away from William. William went to turn to his own window for the night when he spotted the little clover bouquet still sitting in the empty can, standing strong even after William’s intense driving. He reached into his own pocket, taking out the little clover from before. It had flattened and bent awkwardly, the fourth leaf now ripping off the plant itself, but it was still hanging on. He had straightened it out as delicately as he could, then tucked it into the other clovers, turning back to his window to sleep. As messed up as that little thing was, it must mean he had some luck, right?

After all, he was able to find Toki.

Chapter Text

When William had woken up, it wasn’t by Toki shaking him awake like he expected. Instead, it was from the sun hitting him square in the face, almost burning the retinas in his eyes. He rolled over in his seat, cracking his back and turning to what he assumed was a still snoozing norwegian in his passenger seat, just to find it empty. It was like ice water being thrown on him, he suddenly jolted up, looking in the backseat in hopes that Toki might’ve just climbed back there just to find it empty as well, their cases still leaning against each other.

What are the chances that Toki gave up on their trip and decided to walk the rest of the way? But then why the hell would the guy just suddenly ditch him and leave all his stuff behind? He had all his money, had his guitar in the backseat, why would Toki just leave outta nowhere?

He felt sick for a second as a horrible thought crossed his mind, one that he had immediately dismissed. It wouldn’t have made sense for Toki to just off himself. Why would Toki let William help him and get involved with his life if that was the plan. Even with this rational train of thought, the weird feeling he had from a few days ago came back, that weird tightness in his chest and that feeling of it being way too hot and way too cold at the same time. He dragged himself out of the car, trying to remember those weird breathing exercises Toki had shown him before, but it was hard to keep count when his mind was racing, though he was able to keep his breath even as his mind raced. What did Toki call it? A panic attack? It didn’t feel the same, but it felt pretty damn close, his hands shaking as he walked around the car, looking for any kind of clue of what might have happened.

He couldn’t figure out why he was so damn anxious. Toki was a grown man and, best friend or not, he was still technically nothing more than a stranger to him. He shouldn’t be getting so damn worked up because he got ditched. Their relationship was transactional, and it was supposed to end by the end of the day, why does it matter if it ends here and now?

He felt nauseous again, he couldn’t do more than grab the now empty carton of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting one with shaking hands and breathing in deeply, feeling the smoke curl in his lungs. He continued, pacing back and forth in front of his car as he tried to calm down, trying to figure out what to do next. If Toki is gone, what does he do now? Go to fucking Utah?

He took another deep inhale, huffing the smoke back out in frustration, not hearing the foot steps walking up until they were right behind him.

“Cans I have one?”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”

William almost jumped out of his skin, spinning around to a mildly startled Toki who was holding 2 styrofoam cups and a brown paper bag. William leaned against the car, hand on his chest and cigarette still between his fingers. He heard Toki approach him as he took a final drag before crushing the cigarette under his boot, Toki looking both confused and concerned at his reaction.

“Ams didn’ts means to scares you-”

“Where the fuck did you go?”

“Oh! I gots breakfast!” At the mention of this, Toki held out the bag towards him, “I wents to de bathrooms and some lady gave me five dollars sos I walked to the gas station!”

So Toki didn't even panhandle, he just bats his lashes and people just give him money.

“Toki, you can’t juscht fucking leave like that, if you’re gone, I’m gonna fucking ditch you!”

“Yous was still sleeping, I thoughts it was goings to be a nice surprise for whens I was goings to wake you! You don’ts have to be so dramatiks..” Toki waved him off, handing him a cup and setting the bag down on the hood of the car, sitting on the top. William narrowed his eyes, both at Toki’s dismissive nature and at him sitting on top of his car like it was his own.

“Toki I’m scheriousch, what if I just left causche I thought you did? Which I asschumed you did until your dumbassch just appeared outta nowhere!”

Toki had the sense to look just a little guilty, but instead of apologizing he just held out the paper bag towards him, sipping his own cup of what William could only assume was mostly sugar packets in burnt gas station coffee. William clicked his tongue, and if he wasn’t so damn hungry he would’ve slapped the bag out of his hand and stomped on it to prove a point. Instead he just snatched the bag and opened it up to see two donuts, an old fashioned and a pink frosted donut with rainbow sprinkles. He didn’t even have to ask which one was his, it seemed as though Toki migrated to bright colors like some sort of bird.

The very least Toki could've done is gotten him something glazed or powdered. But good ol Toki, the selfish asshole he was, who wouldn't even warn him he was leaving, couldn't even get him a decent morning meal. Well, he'll fuckin' show him.

He made direct eye contact with Toki as he grabbed the pink donut and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth in one bite.

…

“Schtill mad?”

“Fucks you!”

“Alright then.”

They were an hour into the drive and Toki was still curled up against the window, shooting angry glances at William every few minutes just to remind him how upset he was. William didn’t really mind too much, considering he was trying to forget the feeling of Toki reaching into his mouth without a second of hesitation like he was a fucking dog. The guy didn’t even finish his coffee afterwards, just threw the styrofoam cup near his feet and climbed back into the car as William coughed and hacked the damn donut back onto the pavement.

William rolled his eyes as Toki turned to look at him before looking away quickly with a huff for about the 30th time, “If you’re gonna act like that, I’m dropping you off at the schide of the road.”

“You says dat every time, and you still don’t do it.” Toki scoffed, kicking his feet out, “You almost cried like a baby whens you thoughts I left dis morning. Pussies.”

“Like hell I did, I just thought you fucking killed yourschelf and left your trash with me.”

Toki rolled his eyes, finally turning his body to look at William, "Ams like five minutes I was gone. Gots you breakfast, didnt’s even says ‘oh t'anks you, Toki, for buyings me, Moidaface, breakfast’, beings a selfish asshole!”

“Firscht of all, I never asked you to buy me breakfast so just schut the hell up! Schecond of all, you just don’t leave without telling anyone where you’re going, that’sch basic field trip rules! You're the one being fucking schelfish for not telling me where you went!”

“FUCKS YOU!”

“FUCK YOU TOO!”

Toki glared harder, William not bothering to look, pretending to focus intensely on the road. Toki went back to being passive aggressive, huffing and puffing in the passanger seat. William scowled, flicking on the stereo system and letting Cannibal Corpse stiffle Toki's sounds of annoyance. The first song didn't even get a chance to end before Toki was back to his bullshit, huffing and puffing louder over the pulsing music. His crappy stereo could only go so fucking high before he just turned it off in frustration, bringing the car to a screetching halt on some random back-end road.

"Jesus Toki, if it'sch schuch a big deal, I'll get you another donut, alright? Juscht schut the fuck up before I drive us off the goddamn road!"

"Ams not the donut, you dildo, ams you! Why ams you so fuckings mad at me for being nice! Yous so mean for no reason-"

"It'sch not 'no reaschon' you jackassch, you fucking left me!"

The silence that filled the air was intense, and William realized how desperate and pathetic that sentence had come out.

"I mean… I gotten you thisch far, feelsch like you juscht wasted my time if you made it to L.A. by yourschelf it.. juscht pissched me off if you didn't tell me anything. You can't juscht fucking do that."

William cringed at his own explaination, it had made his original statement even more pathetic and desperate. Fucking Toki just got him so wound up with all his screaming and yelling that William can't even think straight. He tightened his hands on the wheel he was holding onto, feeling his face redden in embarrassment. He cleared his throat, the car still quiet. He realized how ridiculous and misplaced his own anger was.

"Juscht.. never mind. Do whatever you want. I juscht need a heads up scho I know if I can leave or not, alright? Don't complicate thisch trip more than you already did. We have an 8 hour drive left. We okay now? You over it?"

The car was still silent for a second, and William clicked his tongue, annoyed with Toki and frustrated with himself for losing his cool the way he did. He had an image to keep up and Toki was shitting all over it. William huffed out a sigh and went to restart the car, but Toki had grabbed his hand before he could turn the key. William turned in both confusion and surprise to Toki, who was halfway out of his seat now, close enough for his coffee breath to fan over his own face.

The snakes in his belly twisted and squirmed again as Toki gripped his hand between his own. While his own hand was wider, Toki's fingers were longer, curling over each other as his thumb rubbed over his palm. William swallowed, he suddenly felt really hot.

What the fuck was this?

"Williams.." He breathed his name out, his eyes wide as he looked at him with something he couldn't really place, and William could practically hear his own heartbeat in his ears. Toki blinked, lashes long and eyes sparkling as the grip around his hand tightened slightly.

If Toki was trying to intimidate him it was working.

"What are you doing?"

"I.. I'ms.. um.."

"Toki?"

Whatever was in Toki's eyes dimmered out, his mouth smoothing out as he backed away, dropping his hand, looking down at his own.

"I'ms sorry Moidaface.. for leavings I means. Won'ts do it again for the rest of the trip."

Toki curled up, tapping his fingers together anxiously, making William feel guilty. He wasn't sure for what, he didn't do anything wrong, but something felt odd, something he couldn't exactly place. It felt like the apology wasn't exactly what Toki had wanted to say but he couldn't imagine what else he wanted to tell him. At least he didn't want to think about…

Nevermind.

"Good, alright let'sch.. let'sch get movin'. We'll be there in 8 hours. I'll buy you another donut or whatever when we hit Nevada."

"Ja..."

He decided not to think about why what he just said felt like the worst thing he'd ever said, or why it sounded like Toki thought the same.

…..

He was off by a few hours, but they had made it to Nevada by brunch, which was perfect because he was absolutely starving. Neither of them had really eaten, William having thrown up his stolen donut and Toki having stomped the remaining one under his tattered shoes in a fit of frustration. The only thing was that the whole strip they were driving through was unmanageable with the car, the streets crowded with tourists, show girls, and spidermen getting their pictures taken. Must've been a Friday.

On top of that, whatever had made Toki silent for the last two hours they were driving disappear as he looked out the window with bright eyes, 'oo-ing' and 'aww-ing' at the neon lights and loud music, bouncing around in his seat trying to absorb everything. William couldn't lie, he himself was also pretty pumped himself, a place like this was paradise, booze and broads everywhere he looked. Without much discussion, they decided to park the car in the nearest lot and walk around the strip for a while to get a feel for what they could do.

Unfortunately, paradise was really fucking expensive, and after about an hour of walking around, they had both quickly realized there was nothing for them to do.

"This fucking sucks," William grumbled after about the hundred building that needed a cover fee just to walk in.

"Evert'ings so expensives… Spiderman told me I has to pay for a photo."

"That tubby guy? Yeah fuck him and his cheap assch coschtume, don't talk to those weirdosch they're all schamersch."

Toki visibly deflated, looking around as they were pushed and shoved through the crowd. William felt as though the open bottle policy was now a hell of a lot less fun now that drunkards kept knocking drinks onto him and acting like he was the problem.

"Whats even de point if dis amn'st for fun? Fuckings stupid."

"Well Toki, it'sch becausche you're schupposed to gamble and pissch your money away on all thisch crap. Obviouschly."

"Den why ams we not doing dat? You spends everyt'ing already?"

William stopped in his tracks, Toki walking past him with how he suddenly he froze and then circling back when he realized he was no longer besides him. He felt so fucking stupid. They were in the gambling capital in the world, the opportunity for riches with just pennies in every corner.

"Toki, I juscht had the most amazing idea."

…..

They walked down the strip until they were let into the first building that would accept Toki's fake ID. He had originally planned to make Toki wait outside since he was still 19, but at least with the two of them it would be twice the luck. William had expected the whole nine yards; waiters in full suits, busty women in bunny suits handing out cigars, a free buffet, stuff he'd seen in movies when he was a kid, the height of absolute luxury. When he got into the floor, he learned really quickly that this wasn't the case.

It was his own fault, he shouldn't have had such high expectations when Toki was allowed in with an ID that had a Fu Manchu mustache drawn on it. Still, he didn't think he'd see so many old people gathered in one place without an ambulance parked out front. At least they could still gamble, but William felt unnerved as he walked past the 20th overweight woman with a grey perm in a scooter. It was his worst nightmare, his grandmother lurking around every corner inch of the room. All were thankfully enough absorbed into their own machines, almost unaware of the presence of their arrival.

Both of them walked up to the first unoccupied slot machine they found, loud and obnoxious with its various flashing lights that meant to be inticing but were just nauseatingly overwhelmed. William pulled out his wallet, dividing the 5 dollar bills evenly between him and Toki so they both had $10, and slid a bill into the machine's mouth. Toki watching with glimmering eyes as the thing sputtered to life, instructing William to pull its lever to 'Win a Prize'.

"Guessch here goesch nothing." He muttered as he grabbed the handle and yanked it down. They both watched as the machine whirled and spun its numbers and pictures, William waiting a beat before pulling the level back, instructing the machine to stop. They both watched anxiously as the machine slowed down the slots. The first photo stopping on a pair of cherries, and they held their breathes as the second image showed the same.

Time seemed to slow as the last slot slowed down graduallly, the last of the cherries sliding perfectly into place, before being shoved down by the number 7.

"Aw fucks."

"Toki juscht wait a schecond, thisch is a game of chance, no one wins on the firscht try. Here let me go again."

William reassured Toki as he fed the machine another five, pulling the lever down once again, watching the slots roll for a moment before he switched the lever back up again. They watched again with their breaths held as the first slide dropped, showing a bell. Once the second slide went into place and showed a pair of cherries, William turned to Toki and snatched a bill out of his hand, much to his protests.

"Let me try again hold on-" William slid the bill into the machine and pulled the lever and pushed it back as quickly as he could. And again, the photos dropped, one after another, none of them matching. William reached for Toki again, who shoved him away, holding the remaining bill over his head like he was playing keep-away.

"Toki, give it to me."

"No, you said ams for de two of us and I wants to play!"

"Thisch ischn't a fucking game, Toki, itsch our livelyhood! Give it to me!"

Toki just shook his head and growled, shoving William back again as he got on his tip-toes in another attempt to grab the last bill.

"Thisch five isch all we have left alright, I know what I'm doing!"

"You SUCKS at dis game, ams MY TURN! I probably have better luck den you anyways, move!"

Even with all the noise in the room, Toki's voice managed to garner attention, and all the old women looking over their shoulder to get a taste of gossip was starting to make him anxious. William wanted to fight Toki on this, knew that the idot wouldn't get them anywhere, that he was the field trip leader and knew better, but the women were starting to give him dirty looks for making a scene already. William glanced around the room, his glare managing to make a few women look back at their screens, before he turned back to Toki.

"Fine, take it, I don't care. Do whatever you want!"

"Fines den. I'ms going to play!"

"Fine! Then I'm fucking leaving!"

William backed off, turning to walk out of lobby, expecting Toki to run up besides him when he was done losing. He figured he might as well have a head start on finding where he had left his car. However, his thoughts immediately crumbled and died before he could set his boot down on the first step out of the casino room, the room immediantly turning to excitement as a bell rang out loudly. He turned back around as cheers and applause had made their way throughout the elderly casino go-ers, all of them standing and clapping in excitement.

In the center of all the chaos stood Toki, standing in front of the slot machine, the words 'Grand Prize Winner' blinking across the top of the machine.

Chapter Text

"Toki, Toki, Toki, holy shit!"

"Did I wins?"

William was way too excited to point out the obvious neon flashing sign ringing above the machine, wrapping his arms tightly around the taller man in excitement, shaking him side to side aggressively.

"You fucking won, man, you did it!"

"I did it.."

Toki was practically star struck, limp in his arms with a goofy expression on his face that he was pretty sure he was also sporting, both of them so caught up in the euphoria of winning that they didn't notice the casino attendee trying to gain their attention until the man was literally tapping Toki on the shoulder.

The boys pulled away from each other to the stranger who congratulated Toki with a hand shake and introduced himself, leading them out of the still excitable casino floor to another room. It was a small office, carpet once bright orange but now stained and dusted an ugly brown color, peeling and stripped wall paper around all four walls and a large mahogany desk dead in the center. As far as William could tell, the newest thing in the room was the boxy blue and white computer pushed to the corner of the desk, feeling completely out of place with both the room and the old guy dressed in tweed typing away slowly with just his index fingers.

"Scho how much did we win?" William inquired, kicking his feet up on the desk.

The man looked down over his glasses at William's muddy boots on his desk but didn't say anything, just turned back to the computer, keys clanking loudly. After a few awkward minutes of silence, he turned in his large leather swivel chair and addressed them both, folding his hands over the desk with a polite smile.

"Well, congratulations Mister.. 'Wartooth', was it? You have won our $1,000 jackpot! Now they're are several ways you can take out this money. We can provide you cash, a check, or we can offer you chips so you can continue playing at our casino. These chips can also be used to pay for the facilities here in the building, as well as room and board."

"Wowie…"

The man nodded in agreement, "We usually recommend transferring your winnings into chips. We have a wonderful selection of rooms here at our hotel at varying prices with different accommodations. We are also very accepting and welcoming for all at our hotel. You can trust that you will feel very comfortable here."

William wasn't so sure why that last part was so emphasized, nor did he really care, all he could see were dollar signs in his eyes. A thousand dollars.. that's more money than he'd ever thought he'd see in his lifetime. He'd only get half, maybe a little more if he 'reminded' Toki that he got him to California in the first place and he was owed a little something extra for his troubles. He immediately turned to Toki, grabbing his shoulder to pull him closer, cupping a hand over his ear so their conversation couldn't be heard. It was obvious that whoever this guy was, it was his job to encourage people to keep the money in the casino's rotation so it wouldn't be any big loss for them. It wouldn't work though, William would take him for all he was worth, and he was gonna make damn sure Toki would too.

"Toki, lischten. If we withdraw the cash, we can schplit what you juscht got between the two of usch. You can start completely new in LA and I'll have enough casch until I find somewhere to settle down. We gotta take it!"

Even with William's sound logic, Toki was totally conflicted, big blue eyes flicking back and fourth between William and the old fuck behind the desk, "Moidaface.. it mights be nice to stay…"

"Toki, we schaid we were gonna be in California by tonight! We're literally here juscht to score some quick cash and we got it! Let'sch take it scho we can get going!"

"Excuse me boys, I wouldn't want to disturb your plans," The guy almost flinched with how quickly William turned to glare, but he managed to stay placid as he continued his sales pitch, "but this casino and hotel provide a large range of services including spa, room service, and free laundry service. In addition, I will provide a 10% discount for any room you may choose, as well as a free meal voucher if you choose to spend your winnings here. As a thank you for your business at our hotel and casino."

In saying this, the man slid a pamphlet over to Toki, explaining the various commodities and rooms the place offered. Toki took it curiously and flipped through it's contents as William scoffed at the guy's obvious ploy.

"Lischten you piece of schit, I already know your game here. That money is OURSCH, scho if you'll excusche usch, we'll take-"

"I wants a room!" Toki announced, slapping the pamphlet over the desk, red faced and eager, "I wants the room on de back page!"

William heard his neck crack with how quickly he turned his head, not even having enough time to protest before the man clapped his hands together, bending over the desk to shake Toki's hand in between both of his worn and wrinkled ones, trying to seal the deal as quickly as possible.

"A wonderful and excellent choice, Mr. Wartooth! We'll have the room set up for you right away-"

"Toki, can I talk to you REAL QUICK about schomething."

William dragged Toki out of his chair by the scruff of his neck, pulling him into the farthest corner of the room, which was about five feet from the desk guy, whispering loudly.

"Dude, what did I juscht fuckin say? We're wasting time and money staying here."

Toki frowned, wringing his hands togther, looking down at him through his lashes, "I knows but… I t'oughts it would be fun…"

"What the fuck kind of 'fun' are you expecting from a hotel room, exactly?" William frowned, his expression deepening with mild disgust as Toki's face shot bright red, eyes looking away nervously.

William rolled his eyes and Toki spluttered and giggled nervously, "Dude, unlessch you're planning on banging thosche granniesch out there, give me one good reaschon for why we should schtay here."

Toki blinked at him, grabbed a strand of hair between his thumb and forefinger, William following the motion as the strand traveled between Toki's long fingers as he finally took a deep breath, leaning in.

"Williams-"

"Murderface."

"-Whens de last time you slept on a bed and nots in your car?"

William paused, blinking up at Toki's unwavering expression, the answer just as simple as the question. The last time he slept on an actual bed was the night he ran away from home five years ago, and he didn't even get to sleep in. It was safe to assume that the last time Toki slept on a bed was also the night he decided to make a break for the states, which was probably a year ago. Maybe more.

Well, damn.

That's actually a pretty good reason.

William stared at him, huffed out a frustrated sound at Toki's big sad eyes, the manipulative little bastard. He ran a hand over his hair, surrendering once again to another one of Toki's idiotic decisions, before stomping back to the jackass in the tweet suit behind the desk, shoving the cheap wooden chair out of the way so hard it almost splintered as it made contact with the floor. He slammed both palms against the desk, nails curling into his palms as he mentally waved good bye to the money he could've been holding in his palms by now as he forced the words out of his throat.

"We'll take the damn room."

….

Of course, the elevator was broken. And of course Toki had decided to spend their winnings on one of the most expensive room at the hotel (William being unable to convince him to take a different room at a lower price and his overall decision being his alone since it was technically his money), which meant they had to walk up about eight floors to get to their room. And of course, he was the only one who was winded after the whole walk, Toki practically skipping steps and taking two at a time as they went up floor after floor, giddy as all hell. Maybe William could smother him in his sleep and take whatever money they still had left after all this.

William was at the very least able to convince Toki of an early check out date, so they could leave as soon as possible and have the room for the cheapest price it was worth. Which meant they had at least $500 dollars left if Toki didn't piss it all away on something shiny while his back was turned. Which meant that, after their separation, he could maybe get away with about $300 once Toki had paid him back for gas. It was less than he wanted, but still pretty decent. He could get around on that for a little while.

He hadn't really thought where he could get around too after Toki was done with him and this trip, but he never really thought that far when he had ran away from home either. It wasn't that important anyways.

His thoughts boiled out of his brain along with the rest of the water in his body as he finally spotted the faded number 8 above one of the many rusty metal doors dotted along the stairwell, his body running on fumes and burning hot. He never realized his bad his boots were for leisurely walking until just this moment. Jesus, he really needed to sit down.

"Toki… Toki.. schtop walking.. itsch right here.." William panted out, almost crawling on his hands and knees as he parked his body in front of the door. Toki was already halfway up another set of stairs, presumably leading up to the roof, the polyester covered steps muffling his excited and heavy footsteps as he pranced back down. He stepped around William's melting body indifferently, opening the creaking door with a flourish despite the grating sound the door made being pried away from where it had rusted into the frame. Toki grinned down at him as he motioned a hand for William to walk in. As if to make a point, William made a horrible coughing sound, holding up his hand up to ask him to wait. He felt like he was gonna vomit over the decaying (but still brightly colored) carpet.

"You ams such a cry babies, Moidaface. Dis ams why you do de stretches, so you don'ts shits your pants from walking haha!"

William tried to retort smartly but instead made another retching sound. Apparently his rare cigarette breaks here and there had a bigger impact on his lungs than he originally had thought. William's breath finally evened out, though he felt the nausea in his throat as he slowly straighten up.

"You wants me to carry you, maybe?" Toki grinned down at him.

It was sarcastic, but William's mind flashed back to when he first met Toki where he had picked him up and swung him around without any difficulty. He felt the nausea hit him again, snakes in his belly thrashing and crawling up his chest. Toki might be kidding, but if he wanted to, he could, and he could do it easily. He immediately straightened up, glaring at Toki as he tried to force his breath to even out as he walked past.

"Schut the fuck up."

Toki snickered behind him, the door creaking loudly as it slammed shut behind them both. William looked down at the room key with the plastic card number to remind himself of the room number as they walked down the empty corridor. The room was located at the end of the hallway, and as they looked out the window, William couldn't help but notice that their view wasn't so much a view as it was just a brick wall with the slightest neon colored glimpse of the street below. Half of their winning owned to this crappy hotel and they couldn't even get a nice view of the city. He couldn't even begin to imagine the shit show that was their room.

William slid the key through the hole, swinging the door open and reaching his hand to the wall to find the light switch. The lights struggled for a second to flicker on, and William realized he was right before; he really couldn't imagine the shit show that was their room. Because it was worse than he could even begin to imagine in a million years.

The first thing that he processed was just how… absurdly pink it was. Not a soft, mellow pink like the sky during a sunset. No, this was a gaudy, rubbery, pink that painted every wall in the room, the shag carpet on the ground, and hung over the curtains of the single window in the room. Dead center of the room was a leather couch that at some point was probably white but now was yellowing from (hopefully) years of use, a glass coffee table and a large box TV sitting in front. Worst of all, a couple of feet back from that set up was a large queen size bed with a pastel flowery print spread, complete with matching pillow sets and a large pink canopy surrounding it.

The only bed in the room.

"Toki, what the-?"

"Ams a nice room, ja?" Toki didn't even blink, just walked right past William and dove onto the bedspread, stretching languidly like a large house cat.

"Toki, thisch isch a honeymoon sweet. Thisch isch where married couplesch come to fuck." At this realization, William wrinkled his nose at Toki rolling around the bedspread, no doubt the sheets held any and every type of body fluid and STD that's ever existed, "Did you not fucking notice that when you asked for the room?"

"Um,.. no.. I didn'ts... Ams t'oughts it was just… pretty?" Toki responded slowly, flipping up onto his elbows to look at him, "Ja, ams so pretty!"

"You didn't notice that the room came with one fucking bed? Where and how are we schupposed to schleep? That'sch literally the only reaschon I 'okay'ed usch sctaying here!"

Toki's face pinkened a bit at that, pushing himself up in a sitting position as he ran his index finger in circles on the now ruffled bed spread, "Ums…well.. it ams,.. uh,.. normal to share beds ins Norway. Ams didn't know dis was weird in de states, haha..."

William narrowed his eyes at Toki, who fixated on the repeating purple flowers on the bed spread, before he ultimately groaned and sank into the couch, head in his hands. Stupid gay Europeans and their stupid gay cultural differences that were now being forced upon him. There were no fucking refunds either, the tweed suited guy that stole their winnings was very clear about that when he signed them into the room. So they were stuck. Not that Toki was so bent out of shape about it.

If anything, maybe he could force Toki to sleep on the couch, considering he's the reason they were trapped here in this weird ass room in the first place.

William sighed loudly, resigning himself to the situation, breathing deeply into his own hands (god the smell of his own breath could knock out a rhino) before brushing himself off and getting up, collecting his dwindling dignity. Not that he had much in the first place. It wasn't that big of a deal, he decided. He just needed to survive the night. Toki would be gracious enough to give him some space. Nothing to worry about.

"Alright, whatever, it'sch fine, it'sch fine. Completely fine. Toki, I'm gonna find my car and grab our crap. You just.. schtay here. Juscht stay here. Don't touch the mini fridge or the phone. If you schpend another fucking dime in this place, I'm gonna have to beat your assch!"

Toki snorted at William's threat, which William pointedly ignored since he knew Toki was just probably trying to mask his fear, getting up off the bed.

"Ja, sounds like a good plan! Ams gonna take a shower den, ams dat okay? Cans I do dat? Ams gonna be done whens you get back!" Toki said brightly, William waving him off.

"Yeah, whatever, do what you want. You don't have to ask for permission for stuff like that."

Toki, in lieu of retorting that William had implied that he did, in fact, need to ask for permission, simply took his beanie off his head, and began to pull his shirt off his back. William almost choked, swallowing back a sound at Toki's sudden strip show, turning around as he heard Toki's belt being undone.

"You can't fucking wait till I leave?" If William's voice sounded shrill, it was because Toki had just.. surprised him.

"We did dis when we did laundry. Ams you not gettings our t'ings anyways?" William heard Toki say dismissively, hearing his feet pad behind him. William held his breath as he felt Toki walk up behind him, feeling the snakes thrashing in his belly and his face heating, his body frozen as he felt Toki's warm breath fan over his neck. Then he yelped as Toki slapped a hand across his shoulder with a giggle.

"Ams likes you forgets, so silly! Sees you later, Moidaface!"

And with that, Toki's foot steps receded, and William let out his breath as he finally heard what he assumed was the bathroom door close. He felt shaken for a second, sitting down on the arm of the couch as he caught his bearings. Stupid gay Toki doing stupid gay things, probably so stupidly unaware of what he's doing to.. ugh.

Fuck.

He needed to leave.

No, not leave.

He needed to grab their things. That's what he needed to do. What just happened wasn't a big deal or anything. He just needed to occupy himself for a few minutes. Or, the thirty minutes it took him to climb the stairs…

He buried his head in his hands again, mentally preparing to walk back and fourth all those damn steps. He'd sooner kill himself then drag his bass up eight floors. But he should still probably grab their spare clothes if they were both gonna shower, something he was desperately looking forward to doing. After trying not to scream in his hands, he finally straightened out. He thought about maybe just showering and throwing on what he was already wearing afterward and making Toki do the same so he didn't have to go down there. That didn't sound too bad, would be a lot cleaner than he currently was anyways, and a nap sounded like an absolute dream. But just as he turned to walk to the bed to lay down (he's slept in arguably worst places before), he caught a view that made him realize that maybe a brisk walk down wouldn't be the worst thing he could do to keep himself busy for a while.

Because he'd be damned if he wasn't polite enough to give Toki some privacy as he washed himself in the clear glass shower that pointed directly into the room, in perfect eye line of the bed.

Chapter Text

William sighed deeply as the hot water poured down his body, feeling his muscles relax for the first time in months. God, it felt amazing to be able to have an actual shower for the first time in five years.

He'd normally have a whore's bath in the first single stalled bathroom he could find. If he was lucky, which wasn't very often, he could even find an empty gas station shower with no truckers in sight, but even then he'd only have half an hour to scrub down with whatever cheap bar of soap he could find. So despite the crappy hotel's mold riddled bathroom and ugly yellowing tiles, being able to properly bathe felt so fucking luxurious. If he wanted to, he could stay under the hot spray until check out time.

He hadn't even realized how desperately he needed it until he was yanking off his boots and got a nose full of the most rancid smell he's ever inhaled. Briefly, as he looked at his cracked, peeling, and sweat soaked feet, he was reminded of WWII soldiers developing trench foot from standing in flood waters in nothing but leather boots.

William took his time as he washed his hair of all the grease and grime and stray flowers that remained there, scratching his scalp until it throbbed and pricked in pain. William grabbed the tiny little bar of complimentary soap and scrubbed it into the hotel provided wash cloth, running it roughly over his skin. He must've been in here for about an hour now, taking advantage of every body wash, face wash, face scrub, body scrub, shampoo, and conditioner he could find. He was even planning on finding a maid cart to see if he could stash any extras he could find in his bag. He certainly paid enough for the room to earn it.

William washed the rest of his suds off and stood under the spray for just a minute, relishing the water that he knows he won't be able to feel again for a long while afterwards, before sighing and turning it off, swinging open the glass door and grabbing a towel to ring out the water from his hair. He turned to the sink, wiping the condensation from the mirror and catching his reflection. His hair was already starting to frizz without the proper supplies, but it hung a little looser now, almost brushing over his shoulders instead of just under his chin. He didn't know what he expected to see after bathing properly, but there he stood, somehow still a little pudgy despite him barely eating the last few years, facial and body hair growing in odd patches. He cringed a bit at the words across his stomach, the stupid tattoo he got when he thought that the money he'd stolen would last forever that first week he ran away. If he knew he'd be broke a month in, he would've raided his grandma's jewelry box. Maybe then he wouldn't feel like such a jackass with that stupid expression around his belly button

He could only look at himself for so long before he felt nauseous, turning away and wrapping the towel he used to dry his hair around his waist. He picked up his boots and the dirty clothes he left on the rim of the pink heart-shaped tub and walked out into the main room, where he found Toki practically glued to the box TV, ass planted on the coffee table to be as close as possible.

It was the same exact place he was an hour ago, dressed in just a shirt and boxer shorts. His hair was still wrapped up in a towel from his shower, pilled on the top of his head the way he'd seen his grandmother do. He couldn't help but snort at how ridiculous he looked.

"What's funny ?" Toki asked, his eyes still on the TV.

"You look schtupid like that, your hair'sch probably dry already and you sctill have that crap on your head." William replied, grabbing a clean shirt and boxers to sleep in, laying the clothes over the bed spread.

"Fucks you, you look-" Toki begin to retort but paused in the middle of his sentence, though William was already annoyed at the hypothetical insult.

"What, look like what?" William responded, looking up with a threatening glare, just to see Toki starring right back at him. Well, not exactly him. His gaze seemed to rake slowly up and down the length of his still dripping wet body, eyes blinking wide and his face becoming flushed.

The stare made him more aware of the acne scars on his face and the stretch marks painted across his belly. How weird and awkward must he looked in comparison to Toki's own surprisingly lithe body?

He should've just changed in the bathroom.

William cleared his throat harshly, embarrassment flooding him, holding his t-shirt to his chest in an attempt to hide.

"Toki, do you, uh, mind?"

Impossibly so, Toki's face turned even redder, the towel on his head tipping over with how fast he snapped his head back to the TV.

"Sorry" Toki muttered, finally taking the towel off his head, hair falling over his shoulders. As William expected, it was fully dry. It even had a glossier sheen and fell just the lightest bit fuller where it cascaded down his neck and above his shoulders.

"It'sch whatever, just don't need you looking while I'm changing. Bad enough you could schee while I schowered." William grumbled, pulling his shirt on before grabbing his boxers.

"I was just lookings at yours,.. uh, tattoo… Didn'ts know you has one." Toki replies, just as quietly as before, peaking over his shoulder just as William pulled up his boxers. William's frowned a bit at the comment, considering that he had both undressed and (now) showered in front of Toki, he wasn't sure how he had missed it. And it wasn't like his tattoo was subtle either.

This made him feel a little weird about how well he himself had memorized the patterns of scars decorating Toki's shoulders and back, the freckles over his skin, the thin chestnut hair barely visible over his tanned forearms… Maybe Toki just wasn't as observant as he was.

Or maybe he just wasn't much to look at.

William shook the thought off, plopping himself on the leather couch on the opposite side of where Toki sat on the coffee table, "What're you sctaring so hard at anywaysch, they got porn on thisch thing or what?"

"Dey do buts ams watching dis," Toki turned and climbed across the coffee table to sit next to William, taking the control with him as he tumbled onto the cushions, "ams a cartoon! Never seen dis in Norway. T'inks it's only for America."

Toki settled into the cushions, bumping against his shoulder as he settled in and began to explain the episode of whatever it was, gesturing wildly while he talked. William could barely understand what he said, his accent getting stronger in excitement, slipping into Norwegian every so often before he corrected himself and translated. Even with the bits and pieces he was able to pick up, he couldn't follow the plot, exhaustion and relaxation settling over him as he listened to Toki's nonsensical ranting. It was interesting to watch him so animated, seemed that every single part of him moved and shifted as he talked. He couldn't help but move into his body, leaning into his shoulder and laying the back of his head over the couch's headrest. He felt like he could fall asleep then and there, just watching the expressions on his face change.

He noticed that the freckles over his cheeks looked more visible now that he'd wash the dirt off his face, thicker over his cheekbones and his down-turned nose, the little chestnut hairs barely sprouting in the corner of his mouth more pronounced now, moving with every quirk of cupid bow lips.

He was following the movement of his eyes flicking back and fourth, noticing that they seemed almost grey in the warm overhead light, watching so closely that he almost didn't notice when Toki stopped talking. Almost, until those greyish blue eyes suddenly stopped moving, looking directly into his own.

All at once, the room felt silent, the TV's chatter falling into the background as he got caught up in the intense gaze, his skin hot where their shoulder's touched. Even with the intensity of their stare, Toki's lips parted into a small and easy grin, pulling his shoulder away to hook his arm behind the couch. William felt cold for a second where their touch broke, then the heat came blazing back across his face when the arm Toki had behind the couch came up behind his head, his forefinger wrapping around a strand of hair and pulling. Toki broke their gaze just to watch the curl straighten in his grip, then let go to bounce back in its place.

"You hair looks nicer like dis. Very fluffy. You should lets me braid it." Toki told him, his tone lower and softer. Almost at a whisper. Without waiting for permission, Toki dug his hand into his hair again, gently combing with his fingers, and it took every ounce of strength in him not to make a sound at the caress against his scalp. William swallowed hard, not knowing what to say, or do. Feeling as though he should push Toki away but soaking up the attention at the same time. It felt good to be touched, to be coddled. He had almost let his guard down, melting into the couch until that hand scratching down his scalp tucked his hair behind his ear.

William's eyes shot open. When had he closed them? He wasn't sure what had happened but any kind of warmth he had felt vanished in an instant as he looked back up at Toki, stunned. Toki looked how he felt, nervous, awkward, a bit scared. He watched his adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed hard, felt his own throat dry as Toki parted his lips, closed them, then opened them again, taking a deep breath.

"Moidaface.. Williams… I.. I wants to-"

A knock on the door made them both jump, William practically leaping off the couch to the door, hearing a large splat sound against the leather where Toki presumably toppled over. He didn't even bother to ask who was at the door before he yanked it open aggressively.

"What?" He sounded breathless, but didn't have time to analyze why as a cart was pushed into the room by one of the hotel staff. On the tray there was an ice bucket with a large green bottle and three big silver trays.

Shit.

"Toki, did you fucking order schomething? I told you not to touch the damn phone!" William turned to Toki accusatory, who was indeed peeling himself off the couch, hair thrown across is face. Toki's face turned, abashed, mouth opened to throw back a response before the guy who brought the cart in cut him off.

"Actually, sir, this meal is complimentary with the honeymoon sweet." In saying this, he opened the largest tray with a flourish, a large roasted chicken on a bed of rice and sliced vegetables, smothered in a thick brown sauce. He opened another tray that had four baked potatoes still half covered in tinfoil, topped with bacon, cheddar, chives, and sour cream. Then he opened the third tray, which had two large slices of layered yellow cake with fresh fruit and frosting.

No steak tartar, or caviar, or that gold leaf stuff that he was sure would make him shit glitter a few hours later. Admittedly, the food was a bit lackluster for a room that cost half a grand, even with the bottle of what he assumed was wine or champagne.

On the other hand, considering what he had been eating the last week- Hell, what he'd been eating the last five damn years- this was the most extravagant meal he's ever had. The most extravagant meal he ever would have. He could already feel his mouth watering at the idea of slicing into that chicken, he might even dig in with his bare hands, manners be damned.

The man stood there, holding out his empty hand out to William for some fucking reason, not leaving.

"Fuck you schtanding there for, you need schomething?" William scowled at the guy, who promptly turned around and left without another word, closing the door behind him. William didn't even wait to hear the lock click before grabbing two of the trays and placing them on the table, popping open the bottle of mystery alcohol with a flourish, Toki jumping in surprise at the sound of the cork flying across the room.

Judging by the resulting spray of the liquid pouring over the couch and carpet, it was most definitely champagne.

…

It took them approximately half of another episode of 'random American cartoon that he couldn't decipher' for them to choke down the chicken, the potatoes, and the cake with practically no effort, Toki also picking at the remaining bones with his bare hands as they ate in silence, washing it down with the fizzy golden liquid.

Once their plates were clean they both settled back into the bed, the couch now out of commission since it was soaked with champagne, the rest of the bottle being passed back and fourth between the two as they chatted. William began to feel a pleasant warmth across his face. He probably hadn't had more than roughly two glasses before he felt the buzz settle in, having not drunken any alcohol in a while had definitely plummeted his tolerance way down. While it would normally feel humiliating, it felt like a blessing in this instance. The alcohol felt endless as they drank, his head becoming fuzzier and his body becoming lighter. It looked as though Toki was feeling the same way, his laughter becoming louder and his speech slurring into nothingness. William would've assumed Toki's tolerance would be high considering he carried a fake ID, but it looked like his had pretty much dissipated as well.

They were almost done with the bottle when William yawned loudly, drowsiness replacing drunkenness as he stretched his arms over his head. Then felt himself giggle as he felt a tickle over his stomach where his shirt had lifted.

"Toki, what the fuck are you doing?"

Toki let out his own giggle as he splayed his fingers over his stomach, William desperately trying to stifle another laugh as Toki pushed his shirt up even higher over his stomach.

"Likes I said before, I was lookings at yours tattoo. Didn'ts get to see it before!" Toki replied casually, grinning lazily as he traced the letters. The touch became feather light around his stomach, and William's laughter stopped, felt himself growing hot and dizzy. William grabbed at Toki's hand and pushed it away, trying to pull his shirt over his stomach.

"Well, you schaw it now. Scho, quit it!" William grumbled, but before he could cover himself up, Toki pushed his shirt back up.

"Buts, I wants to know what dat means!" Toki insisted, "I never heard dis word, 'pobody'. Or 'nerfect'. What ams dat?" Toki emphasized the question by tracing each word with his fingers gently, nails scratching against the skin of his stomach.

William blinked through the fuzz in his head, trying to process the question through the haze and embarrassment.

"Thosche aren't actual words. It's 'Nobody's Perfect' but misspelled. It's schupposed to be a pun. The schecond part is a joke too, it's schupposed to say 'This place is a messch' but the wordsch are mixed. You get it?"

"Oh, ams like a joke! Haha! Ams pretty funny." Toki giggled again, laying his palm flat against his stomach, the warmth feeling so hot that William wouldn't be surprised if his finger prints were left embedded into his skin.

The hand moved down his stomach to his side, thumb rubbing into his hip. William tensed at the change, confused and a little blind-sighted as Toki's other hand came up to lay on the other side, holding him in place, fingers probing gently, curiously. It didn't tickle exactly, but it sent the same breathless, pulsing feeling burning across his body.

"You ams so soft." Toki said quietly, his hands squeezing slightly at the extra flesh over his hip bones. William blinked at the words, unsure and confused. That wasn't a word he'd usually hear to describe himself.

"Fuck'sch that mean?" His words would've sounded harsh if it wasn't for the tremor that came with them, and he didn't even realize it until he spoke that he was nervous, feeling those snakes in his stomach thrashing, his throat dry as he swallowed. The alcohol wasn't helping, he couldn't think, couldn't move. Not with those hands moving up under his shirt, up up up and around his waist where his body dipped inwards around his ribcage. If Toki moved his hand up any farther, he could probably feel William's heart thrumming in his chest.

Toki moved in closer, those bright greyish blue eyes clouding up with a storm under half lids. William instinctively backed away at the closeness, falling into plush but dusty smelling pillows, Toki following close behind until they were only inches away from each other. He was so keenly aware of Toki's knee between his leg, the bare skin of Toki's knee touching his inner thigh, both of Toki's hands still tucked under his shirt, stroking up and down, up and down, up and down gently, tracing over stretchmarks and scars like he was the routes on a map. Exploring his skin. Exploring him.

Toki's gaze fell on him, hands hot on his his hips as he leaned in, so close that their noses bumped against each other, his hair falling into a curtain around him, framing his face so all William could see was just Toki. Toki with his skin flushed with alcohol, his eyes glittering with the hotel light despite the cloudiness, the lighthouse within the storm. His lips were set in a straight line, the look foreign on his usually eager face, so serious and determined. William was trapped in that firm gaze, Toki's left hand leaving his hip to push a strand of curls away from his face, cupping his cheek.

His tongue darted out to lick his lips and William found himself following the motion, pink against pink, Toki's lips now shinning with spit.

"Williams", he almost missed his own name with how softly it came out of Toki's lips, "I needs to tells you somet'ing.."

Toki's breath fanned over his face when he spoke, warm, sweet, and sharp with the scent of champagne. And his own drunken state, a thought that he didn't give permission to exist suddenly grew. A thought that, if he hadn't been caught so off guard, wouldn't ever have the room to exist in his mind.

The thought that Toki didn't have to lean in for William to know just exactly what he would taste like.

The second it formed, it was like ice water was poured on him, his heart thumping loudly with panic, the snakes in his stomach thrashing, tearing, ripping through his stomach up his throat and-

He was upside down, breathing hard, Toki looking down at him from the sky.

"Williams?"

His own name was all it took for the alcohol to flush out of his body, sobering up immediately as he dragged himself of the floor, his nerves on fire, sweating and panting as he grabbed his shorts out of his bag, pulling them on quickly. Vaguely he could hear Toki calling his name through the roaring in his ears but he ignored it, ignored him. His face and his eyes and the soft feeling of his skin and- fuck, dammit, where the hell did he leave his boots?

His boots were next to the bedside table and he snatched them up quickly, shoving one foot in and trying to do the same with the second when his arm was grabbed, the touch iron hot.

He flinched, throwing his arm back behind him with a resounding smack.

He froze at the contact, at the rough and angry sound, turning to see Toki's hands help up in surrender. Guilt and pain flicked over his watery eyes, lips pressed harshly into a straight line. He dropped his hands to his folded knees, smoothing them down his thighs before clenching them into fist. His eyes closed tightly, forcing tears to escape down his ruddy cheeks, and his head bowed in humiliation.

When he spoke, William felt something inside him shatter.

"I.. Ims sorries, Moidaface. Please.. please don'ts leave."

The words were said so gently, so quietly, so unlike him. And William wished so desperately that he couldn't. That he didn't want to, that he couldn't even phantom the idea of walking out that door.

But the heat in his body, the wilding pulsing in his chest, and the arousal sitting in the bottom of his stomach felt.. disgusting.

Felt like the stinging pain of his grandma backhanding him for playing with her wigs.

Like the press of concrete against his back as fists connected with his face after school.

Like the guilt that he tried to scrub out of his skin after his thoughts began to stray and his hand climbed down between his thighs.

Disgusting, gross, guilty, monstrous.

He felt those snakes threaten to climb out of his throat again, and he couldn't bring himself to look back as he closed the door behind him, trying not to trip on the boot dangling off his calf, the other clenched tightly in his hand. With his heart pounding in his ears, he could almost ignore the choking sob behind the closed door.

Almost.