Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Sometimes Bob had to convince himself that he was useful. There were many voices, some in his own head, others on the internet, who were not so sure.

He wasn't stupid. He saw the many questions about him on Twitter, the many tabloid articles about him. With pictures shot by papparazzis. He never expected to become so interesting to people ever in his life.

It unsettled him. The increasing public attention was a problem. Bob didn't want people to find out who he was. That he was responsible for the incident in New York. And Val and the New Avengers wanted that even less.

So it was only a matter of time before Val came up with something.

And the stone of the decision fell on a random Tuesday, just as Bob was on his way back from his little shopping trip. A bag of new books in his hand while his phone started ringing in the other. 

He quickly answered it and pressed the phone to his ear, "Yes?"

Yelena answered him, "Where are you? Val called a meeting on the 3rd level."

"Almost there" Bob replied and was about to hang up but a queasy feeling in his stomach made him add, "Should I be worried?"

"With Val? Always"

Bob laughed lightly, pushing past the people on the sidewalk. The tower was right in front of him, just a block away.

"All right, see you in a minute," he hung up before Yelena could say anything.

Meetings with Val always made him nervous, his limbs jumpy and his mind rushed. And this time he had the impression she was up to no good. Plus, it felt like people on the street were staring at him even more than usual.

~~

The third floor was still a half-construction site, reserved for meetings with Val, or rather the only place Val was allowed to appear. If she crossed the other boundaries, as Bucky had put it, it would be "on sight".

Bob was the last to arrive at the meeting, cap on, bag of books in hand and the fresh smell of oxygen and car fumes he brought with him into the tense atmosphere of the others. Instinctively, he placed himself between Yelena and Bucky, ignoring the way Val's gaze burned on him.

Finally, she clapped her hands in satisfaction. In Bob's judgment, this woman looked far too pleased with herself today.

"Now that we're finally all complete, I can start explaining why we're here." she trilled happily and quickly added, "Unless you already know, because social media is going crazy right now"

Bob didn't respond, but the others pulled out their phones immediately. He watched Yelena go on Twitter and look at the trends.

"What the hell did you do?" Bucky growled next to him and Val's smug smile quivered a little.

"As we all already know, the public is eager to know who our dear Bob is here. People seem to like him, they think he's dating someone from the New Avengers." her eyes lingered on him as she explained.

Bob felt his body tense, his shoulders instinctively pulling upwards. He felt the gaze from all of them, but Val's was the worst. She looked at him like a lioness at a piece of prey.

"You told everyone we're a couple?" Walker suddenly yelled.

Apparently Walker had found the news first.

And immediately all hell broke loose. Everyone screamed in confusion, Bob felt Yelena's hand dig into his shoulder. Walker tried to go after Val but Alexei held him back. She just smiled like an angel.

Bob felt like he was watching through a glass wall, his hands, his whole body seemed numb. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears.

She had told the whole world Bob was dating Walker.

"Why?" Bob asked, and with a clearing of his throat he repeated himself louder, "Why?!"

Valentina turned to him, surprised that he had spoken up.

"I just don't want to tell people that you've thrown half the city into chaos-"

He interrupted her, walking towards her. There was no threat in his stance, he just wanted answers.

"But why Walker?" he asked. He didn't care about why he wasn't introduced as a hero.

Okay, maybe a little. He had been trying to convince himself for months that he was useful to the group. That he wasn't just a secret weapon for the very last emergency or kept here out of pity. He wanted to be useful, he wanted to help people, he wanted to be a part of them.

Being labeled as just a partner of one of the New Avengers hurt a little. But it scared him even more to be Walker's partner. Why had Valentina chosen him of all people?

Did she know about his little secret?

"Oh!" Valentina smiled, "That's quite simple. According to the polls, Walker is the most unpopular of the group. So it's only fitting that we pair him up with a fan favorite."

Bob searched desperately for any sign that she could be lying. But she made an alarming amount of sense. With a glum nod, he turned away.

"You can't do that Val, it's going too far" said Yelena.

Walker, who was still being held by Alexei, tried in vain to throw his shield at her, "I have a wife and a fucking child! You can't do this!"

"An ex-wife," Valentina corrected calmly, "It's not the end of the world. We'll make a few PR appearances until the masses are bored and then we'll carry on as usual."

"Bobby! Why don't you say something?" Walker had torn himself away from Alexei and was now standing next to Bob, shaking his shoulder in annoyance.

Bob grimaced, avoiding the other man's gaze, "The cat's already out of the bag. Besides, it's just a bit of lying..."

Walker grunted and stomped sulkily towards the elevator.

"I'm not going along with this! You're all crazy! Fuck all of you, seriously!" his cursing continued until the elevator had closed and his voice had faded.

In the silence, Bob closed his eyes briefly, breathing in and out deeply. Half the world now knew him as the new partner of the aggressive short-lived Captain America. Would people even believe them?

"All right, I have to get going then," Valentina said, patting Bob on the shoulder as she walked past, who winced in surprise, "If it goes wrong and people don't believe us and become even more incredulous about Bob, we'll have to take tougher measures, so make an effort."

With that, Val disappeared into the elevator.

"I'm gonna kill her" Bucky muttered between gritted teeth.

Yelena and Bob made an approving noise.

~~

There were about three places where you could find Bob when he was unwell. One of those places was the guinea pig room on Yelena's floor of the tower. It was the place where she found him today, just after Val had told them all the news.

Bob was lying on his back at the end of the room. About three guinea pigs were scattered over his body while the others wandered curiously around him, sniffing him.

Cucumber, his favorite guinea pig, was on his chest, letting himself be petted while comfortably eating a lettuce leaf. Bob, meanwhile, watched the guinea pig thoughtfully, teeth chewing freely on his lips.

"Stop that," Yelena said and entered the room.

Bob instinctively pressed his lips together in annoyance, jaw tense. He only gave her a small unreadable glance before returning his focus to Cucumber. Meanwhile, the other guinea pigs began to gather around Yelena, squeaking.

"Are you all right?" Yelena asked cautiously.

She sat down cross-legged near him, her voice genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine."

"Bob, I'm sure we can change Val's mind somehow. Maybe with a little more death threats."

"I told you it was okay." Bob insisted, eyebrows drawn together, "It's just a bit of lying and a bit of posing until the public gets bored and it's not so interesting anymore."

"I just don't want you to break your little heart," Yelena said affectionately, reaching out to tousle Bob's hair.

She had known about Bob's little crush on Walker for quite some time. Even though she really couldn't understand her best friend's taste at all. Yelena was the only one who knew about it, and she treated this secret with a great deal of pride that Bob would confide such a thing to her.

Bob tried to suppress a laugh and turned his head towards Yelena.

"My heart is not small, Lena. We've also learned that I'm not so easy to break, remember?" the last sentence was to convince himself, as it carried a small hint of uncertainty.

Yelena noticed this too and grimaced skeptically.

"Can I kill Walker if he breaks your heart?" she then asked into the sudden silence.

This finally made Bob laugh. Surprised, shrill, grateful that there was Yelena to make him laugh when he was in a crisis.

"No," he said with a laugh and Yelena put on a fake pout.

"Break his legs?"

By now Cucumber was getting tired of sitting on Bob's moving and the guinea pig headed off to escape to her fellow guinea pigs. With no guinea pig near him, Bob finally sat up.

"No way," he answered her question with a delay. But she noticed how he thought about it for a moment.

"Testicle kicks? Just a few"

Bob thought about it for quite long this time. And then he nodded hesitantly, "Okay. Fine with me."

Yelena gave a small cheer before silence fell between them. With a depressed sigh, she dropped her head against his shoulder. Bob didn't move.

He was never one to stage touch on his own, but he enjoyed it. Or maybe he just didn't mention his dislike of it. Every time when asked he was fine with it, and the New Avengers seemed to take complete and utter advantage of Bob, who somehow became the pillow of the group.

Bob was just outrageously calm and gentle, radiating an energy of safety and comfort. And right now, Yelena thought, maybe he needed comfort himself.

"It'll be fine, just a bit of lying." Bob murmured, and it almost seemed like he was saying it to himself.

Except it won't be lying for you, Yelena thought and straightened up.

She held a hand out to Bob, which found its way to his cheek. Uncertainty flickered in his gaze.

"I should find Walker," he said, avoiding her worried gaze.

"Hug first," Yelena ordered with a smile and Bob scoffed out a laugh.

"Fine" he groaned and hugged Yelena.

She seemed to disappear into the other's arms and oversized sweater, but made it her business to squeeze him tightly. He made a slight pained noise before she let go of him and he pushed himself to his feet with a small smile.

"I'll see you later," he said his goodbyes at the door and Yelena nodded.

"If anything happens, you can always come to us," she said, pointing to herself and the horde of guinea pigs.

Bob laughed and left with a wave of his hand. When he had disappeared, Yelena sighed.The next few weeks would be chaotic, maybe even awful.

She hoped not.

~~

Bob cautiously entered the tower's own large gymnasium. He himself spent little time here, training made him feel somehow insecure.

It was like running the risk of using his powers. This could trigger Sentry and he was reluctant to cause that chaos until he wasn't stable.

Walker could already be heard from the elevator. The strained grunting, the louder banging that was probably him abusing the punching bags. The idea of going in there and calming the other one down made him nervous.

Walker had peculiarities that reminded him of his father, if only slightly. Because even though John liked to get aggressive, at least he didn't take it out on the others or the weaker ones. Nevertheless, it made Bob nervous to be present during the tantrums.

As soon as Bob entered the gym, he let the glass doors slam shut behind him with a bang. Just so the other was aware of his presence.

There was sand all over the floor. A few scraps of cloth and rubber too. John was a few meters away, beating the nearest punching bag to a pulp. His top was missing, his bare torso covered in sweat.

"I'm sorry about Val," Bob began.

Walker turned around, his look a bit like that of a wild animal. His hair was spread out in all directions and he was breathing heavily. His fists seemed red from overexertion.

"You know Bob, I really don't need to be hounded any more by the internet. They all think I'm a laughing stock anyway and now I'm also..." he broke off before he continued.

But Bob already knew what he wanted to say and looked towards him accordingly. Admittedly, that hurt a little. He swallowed.

"Yeah..." Bob said and couldn't help himself, "You probably shouldn't look up your name on Twitter today"

This actually made Walker ignore his punching bag and walk towards Bob instead.

"What's your fucking problem anyway, Bobby?" he growled, coming closer to him.

Bob backed away. Backed further and further while John came closer. Until at some point he hit the wall with an "uff" sound.

You're my problem, Bob wanted to say.

Walker was his problem. The big man with anger issues, perfectly fit torso standing just so close to him and breathing in his face.

Bob was torn between kissing the other or engaging in the fight. Either way, he would probably take a beating.

"I'm not thrilled about this either-" Bob began, an attempt to de-escalate the situation, but Walker interrupted him.

"You people pleasing bitch would even jump off the tower if Val wanted to. But I'm not like you. I'm not going along with this."

Bob snorted, saying nothing.

"You probably still think it's funny. Seeing everyone laughing at me and me being publicly humiliated."

That was enough.

"The only humiliation here is that everyone thinks I'm dating a stupid asshole like you," Bob finally shoved Walker away from him, hard enough to push the other away but not too hard.

Walker, shocked by the force Bob suddenly mustered, stumbled back. His face turned red in seconds, probably from anger. His mouth was open, trying to find words to spit back at him, but nothing came out.

Bob didn't care what the other man had to say. He left the room, slamming the doors behind him and letting his shoes thunder across the floor on his way to the elevator.

For a brief moment, he had felt Sentry's push, the energy literally coursing through his body, begging him to let go and let it all run free. But Bob swallowed it down, trying to control his breathing.

He wiped away the adrenaline.

Once in the elevator, he frantically pressed the button to his floor and ran his hands over his face.

The corridor was silent this time as the doors closed.

~~

It bothered him that Bob had been right. Scrolling around on Twitter hadn't been a good idea. For about an hour, John had continuously refreshed the page with all their tags, reading every opinion, getting annoyed by every hate comment.

He didn't want any of this. This was a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. It was one thing to pretend to be with a teammate, but it was even worse to be exposed to the opinions. Walker couldn't stop thinking about what the internet thought of him.

What articles would come out in the next few days, what would they say?

His room seemed to constrict him, he was trapped in an eternal cycle of the same thoughts, the same fears. They tormented him, hit the wall and flew back again at twice the speed.

He couldn't breathe here, he couldn't think here.

Rushed, he fled from his bed, ran across his floor in the hope of finding a solution there. A solution to the panic in his body, the thousand ants that made his legs and arms tingle.

"Maybe I just need to eat something..." Walker said into the silence, walking towards the elevator.

He would surely find something to eat in the shared kitchen on the fourth floor. In the kitchen on his floor, he only kept the bare essentials, because the team ate together often enough.

It was now 2 o'clock in the morning. Nobody was supposed to be awake, but in a team full of unstable losers, you could never be sure. As soon as John entered the floor, it seemed empty.

The entrance area was dark, the large table in the middle was empty and the chairs were neatly arranged. The team had eaten without him tonight, as he much preferred to be alone.

He walked quickly into the large kitchen, rummaged relatively loudly in the cupboards and took a can of Coke from the fridge. Walker made no effort to be quiet, as he was alone on the floor.

With two sandwiches and his can of Coke, he made his way to the communal living room. It was only then that he saw a small light burning in the distance. As soon as he rounded the corner to the TV, Bob was sitting there. The brunette was crammed onto the sofa, blanket around him and a book leaning on his knees. A small light was attached to the book so he could read in the dark.

For a moment, John wanted to escape, turn back around and just go to sleep. But Bob had already noticed him, slowly lifting his head to look at him with narrowed and tired eyes.

"Uh..." Walker began, but didn't know what to say.

Should he apologize, just pretend nothing had happened? Bob seemed unsure himself, but he wasn't willing to wait for an answer. He just made room on the sofa in silence and turned back to his book.

Walker saw it as an invitation to sit down.

He sat down quite far away from him and put his plate down between himself and Bob. There was silence between them, but Bob didn't seem nervous at all, engrossed in his book.

Walker sighed and stared out of the window. All around them were the many other high-rise buildings, below them the many cars were moving and sometimes the sirens could be heard very quietly. Next to him, he could hear Bob breathing softly and chewing his lips.

Eventually, Walker decided to take one of his sandwiches and hold it out to Bob. He gently nudged the other's shoulder and held the sandwich out to him without saying a word.

It was like a silent apology, an offering of peace between them.

And after a brief consideration, Bob accepted it with a small smile, even putting his book down next to him.

While they were eating, Bob finally dared to say something. He had his smartphone in his hand and seemed to be scrolling through a chat. The light from the screen framed his face and Walker found himself wanting to get closer like a moth attracted to light.

"Val sent the schedule for the next few weeks," Bob muttered between bites, Walker grunting next to him in annoyance.

"What if we just don't do it?" Walker argued and this time it was Bob who sighed.

"Yeah, she mentioned that in her message too," Bob said, his eyes darting over the text again, "She mentioned something about if this doesn't work she'll have to resort to harsher measures. For me that probably means a complete disappearance from the public eye and for you? I don't know, maybe they'll kick you out"

For a moment, Bob tensed next to him. Because he noticed how the other man was suddenly breathing faster, getting hotter with anger and panic.

"Disappear? Throw me out? That..." he paused to collect his thoughts, Bob looked at him with concern, but said nothing, "They can't just lock you away, can they?"

Bob laughed. It was a sad and sadistic laugh.

"I'm a homeless ex addict. Out on the street I'd be unstable and Val would very quickly win the case for locking me up. After all, I'm still a dangerous military weapon." Bob argued and suddenly Walker realized how serious this situation really was.

That if this went wrong, it would be more than a little embarrassing.

"But why me?" he muttered.

Walker was only positioned to screw it up. He wouldn't be good enough, he would screw up and because of him Bob would have to disappear. Worst case scenario, he'd also get kicked out because the public hated him.

"Val seems pretty convinced that I can improve your image." Bob explained, even seeming a little proud of being so popular.

Walker slumped back into the sofa, defeated, bumping into Bob's shoulder. He hadn't even realized they had gotten so close. Bob didn't flinch, he felt warm.

"So you're going along after all?" Bob asked at some point in the silence.

Walker thought the other had already fallen asleep, it had been quiet between them for so long. When he turned his head, Bob was already facing him. His eyes seemed so dark, so big at that moment.

"Apparently I have to." Walker mumbled, avoiding looking into the other's eyes as he added, "Besides, Yelena would kill me if anything happened to you because of me"

This time Bob chuckled and with the two of them still sitting shoulder to shoulder, John felt the laughter. It sent a funny feeling through his stomach.

"She really would do that"

Walker pressed his lips together, closed his eyes and tried not to think. That he would screw up, that he would disappoint his team and himself. And that Bob was so infinitely warm and comfortable next to him.

Because that would only make everything more complicated.