Chapter Text
When she was a little girl, Nyota believed in love, happily ever after, and prince charming. Even in the 23rd century, little girls watch fairy tales about princesses that are swept off their feet by the dashing young gentleman with his own castle and trusty steed. Of course, in her version Cinderella was really a med student named Paige with a good family who married the Prince of Denmark after he became king. Then there was that other fairy tale about a girl named Mia who was born into royalty all along without knowing it and didn't necessarily needed a prince but found one anyway. She loved those stories as a child and always dreamt of being a princess herself.
In hindsight, she blamed these types of overly sweet delusional stories about love and relationships for completely skewing her expectations when it came to the opposite sex. When it came to love, her miseducation began quite early and truly screwed her over later in life.
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She first realized that little girl fairy tale fantasies do not exist in the real world just before she became a teenager. She was 12 when her parents just one day decided that they did not love each other anymore and were getting a divorce. That wasn't quite right. It was more like her dad fell in love with someone else or maybe he just fell out of love with her mom. Okay, that's being too nice. Her dad was fucking someone else and made the new model Nyota’s stepmom less than six months after the divorce was finalized.
Actually, for most of her parents’ marriage her dad was sleeping with someone else behind her mom’s back. Her mom loved Nyota’s dad so much that she didn’t believe the accusations until she walked in on him and the new model having sex in the family room. Nyota did not hear about this until she was 17 and crying over her own broken heart.
When she was younger, her mom tried to hide how upset she was but it was hard to conceal something when you just kept crying all the time. It hurt her to see her mom so devastated. She never wanted that to happen to her.
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Her faith in the male species was once again shattered when she was 17. She was a stupid teenager who fell for the lines of a player named Andy. He was an exchange student from the area formally known as the United States.
On the surface, he seemed so sweet and innocent with that charming smile and a great sense of style. He used the shy and innocent act to get into the panties of any girl he wanted. At the time, Nyota didn’t know this and she easily became his target. She fell for his stupid pickup lines so easily. She actually believed he loved her. Nyota felt like a fool after he became her first sexual partner ever and never called her again.
Too bad her childhood romantic education did not include old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Maybe then, she would have been prepared for the 23rd century equivalence of Angelus and Parker.
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She had some good relationships and bad relationships, before she fell for another guy with smooth lines and a brilliant smile that shattered her heart. Yet again, at the academy, she allowed herself to be fooled by another guy who said all the right things. She is shocked at her ability to fall for his ridiculous pickup lines. He found a way into her bed and heart with promises of love and happily ever after. This time, he didn’t disappear the next day. For eleven months, she and Jordan had the perfect romance complete with handholding and kissing on the quad.
Her fairy tale ended abruptly when she walked in on him getting a BJ from some random girl in the ladies restroom at her favorite club. After she broke his nose, she broke down in tears as soon as she was in the privacy of her own dorm room.
She felt so ashamed for falling for the fairy tale illusion again. She should have known better. She cannot believe she fell for whatever lie he was feeding her. Her heart felt sick.
She was hurt again, but she wasn’t going to let anybody know she felt so broken inside. Nyota promised herself that she would be wiser after that humiliating incident three years ago. That moment she vowed to never be played for a fool again.
XXX
Three weeks after the Jordan incident, her friends decided to comfort her by going bar hopping in the middle of nowhere, where she wouldn’t run into a certain asshole ex-boyfriend. She needed to be at a club that didn’t remind her of what she saw that night. Getting wasted in the middle of nowhere, to forget about assholes that fucked her over seemed like a good idea at the time.
Coming to Iowa was a mistake.
Nyota ran into the same type of guy that broke her heart one too many times. Nothing like a fake personality, with phony pickup lines, and an absolutely wonderful body to make a girl become another easy lay.
The guy who approached her in the bar, that night even looked like one of the guys from her old childhood fairytale movies. Except for the hair, he looked exactly like the dashing yet annoying young gentleman from the story about the princess who had to married a prince to become queen.
If she wasn't burned so many times before maybe she could have fallen for his unbelievably stupid pick-up lines. She’s pretty sure Jordan used something similar to get her panties off originally or maybe it was the high school boyfriend. She knew better this time around.
She was prepared. She easily deflected the blue-eyed player’s obvious lines with a joke and a death glare. She really didn’t need anybody else’s help to deal with the guy. She had no problem whatsoever breaking someone else’s nose.
She was actually surprised her classmates decided to use him as a punching bag. She wasn’t surprised by the reason though, except in the case of the one the blue-eyed guy called “Cupcake” because she was sure he was gay. On the way back to their accommodations for the night, she found out that they only did it to increase the probability of becoming her next boyfriend. In other words, they were trying to impress her so she would sleep with them. They were no better than the guy at the bar. Actually, they were worse because at least he was honest about his intentions.
That entire incident cemented in her mind that guys were only after one thing. They only saw her as a piece of ass or a glorified blow up doll. She was tired of being used. She needed to change the way she dealt with guys. Sex was great but having your heart broken was not. Emotional attachment was just too hard.
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Over the next two years, Nyota avoided relationships at all cost. This strategy worked well until she met Professor Spock. Nyota ended up in one of his classes during the spring semester last year. His class quickly became her favorite class even if she was staying up until 2 AM studying just to keep up with his dynamic mind.
Professor Spock was unlike anybody else she has ever met before. He was brilliant even if on the surface he seemed a little cold. He was an engaging spirit that sucked her in before she even knew what was happening.
Professor Spock was actually a nice individual and wasn’t just trying to sleep with her or anyone else. She saw him turn down the plethora of students and faculty members who asked him out. She blames his niceness on the fact that he isn’t completely human.
He treated her with respect. Professor Spock found her intelligent and not just beautiful. He enjoyed speaking with her about his home planet and other areas of interest. She enjoyed speaking with him about her intellectual passions and not just what film she watched last week. It was a great feeling to meet a guy that treated her as an intellectual equal.
Even though she was weary of having any type of relationship with a guy she somehow developed a little crush on Professor Spock. It was notable because he was one of the few guys that she trusted implicitly.
She felt like she was 17 again when she was around him. He brought out her inner teenager so easily.
So maybe she was asking him to explain obscure Vulcan terms to her whenever possible, even if she could have looked the words up on her own. Maybe she was taking part in his study group, even though she was very familiar with the material. Maybe she signed up for one of his classes during the fall semester this year just so she could spend more time with him, even though it meant she was taking a suicide schedule.
Yes, maybe she invited him to coffee a couple of times. With him, Coffee wasn't just about sex for the first time in years. She actually wanted a relationship with someone for the first time since Jordan two years earlier.
XXX
Of course, it wasn’t that simple. The first major obstacle was Spock himself. He was her professor. He wanted to be her professor and nothing more. He actually used the school’s policy on relationships between professors and students, to keep from having anything more than friendship with her.
Honestly, the policy about students and professors dating was a joke. Nobody followed it. She knew of several professors who were sleeping with students now. One of the members of the Admiralty, who will remain nameless, started dating her future husband when he was a student in her class.
The most notorious violator of the policy was Professor Johnson, who worked with Spock on the Kobayashi Maru simulation. This professor even propositioned Nyota a couple of times, but backed off when she said she would report him after she played for him a recording of the conversation they just had. He asked her to go down on him in the nearest supply closet in some obscure language. The man was a slime ball of the worst kind. Still, if Professor Johnson could do it and not get caught, then it would be perfectly okay for her and Spock to have a romantic relationship.
In a weird way, she admired that Professor Spock respected the policy. The fact that he wasn’t just interested in sleeping with her made her care about him even more. However, she thought that if she kept being persistent Spock would see things her way.
About eight months ago, she thought they were almost to the point where Spock would be comfortable with having a relationship with her that was non-platonic. Yet it didn’t happen. She blames the most important obstacle of all for that.
Jim Kirk, also known as the guy who tried to get in her pants in Iowa, is the main thing keeping her from Professor Spock.
She hated him. She hated him for what he represented. His piercing blue eyes and obvious pickup lines were representative of all the guys that have screwed her literally and emotionally over.
She can't listen to his pickup lines and not think of the guys that hurt her. She couldn't help but think about that brokenhearted girl that cried and cried for some silly guy who wasn't worth her time. She would never be a fool again, and therefore she made sure to keep Jim Kirk at arm’s length from herself. She needed to see him as the same as all the other guys, to keep herself from becoming another notch on Jim Kirk’s bedpost.
To do this she refused to see him as anything other than how he presented himself in Iowa. She will not see him as intelligent, despite the fact that he can easily keep up with her in a battle of wits. She refuses to acknowledge the fact that he actually understands what she said when she calls him derogatory terms in multiple languages.
She will only allow herself to see all the other guys who fucked her over when he flirted with her. It was just easier to keep away if she didn’t see him as an actual person but as the stereotype that did her wrong one too many times.
Then something happened eight months ago. He stopped flirting with her. Actually, Jim stopped flirting with everyone. At first, she didn't think anything of it. Maybe she was hoping that he wasn't who she thought he was even if she wasn’t letting him be more than the player stereotype on purpose.
It became obvious to her why Jim stopped flirting with everybody the first time he made a move on Spock. He had a brand-new favorite target and it was the guy Nyota was in love with.
She didn't see it coming, but should have. Professor Spock was a very attractive individual because of his personality, intelligence, and physical beauty. She knows that other girls were quite interested in Spock. Up until eight months ago, Nyota was the only one that he would even talk to outside of class.
Originally, she couldn't see Jim Kirk wanting to be with Professor Spock. First, although she made jokes about him sleeping with farm animals she was positive just because of a vast number of women she has seen him making out with on campus that he was straight. Really, she is going to have to learn to stop judging people on first impressions.
Ironically enough, it was her own fault that Jim became infatuated with Professor Spock. Although, she is not proud to admit it, during her ‘crazy schoolgirl with a crush’ phase Nyota volunteered to take over a classmates spot during the Kobayashi simulation so she would have an excuse to spend more time was Spock. Candace wanted private time with her then boyfriend and Nyota wanted a chance to show off in front of Spock. Her plan would have worked out perfectly if it wasn’t for the fact that Spock wasn’t going to observe that day.
Using her charming smile, she convinced Professor Spock to change his observation day. Because she got him to change his observation day, Spock ended up watching Cadet Kirk’s first attempt at the test and the two instantly became intrigued with each other. So really, this was all her fault.
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She first became aware of Spock’s infatuation with Jim two days later when Professor Spock asked her before a discussion group what she knew about Jim Kirk. For some reason he thought she was a friend of Jim’s. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
The truth of the matter is other than their first encounter in Iowa two years earlier, she didn’t really know that much about him except what she knew about guys like him. She and Jim had a class or two together over the last two years, but she usually avoided him. It wasn’t that hard because when he actually did show up to class, he spent the whole time trying to get a date or having communicator sex with some unsuspecting idiot.
She was surprised the guy was in upper level classes because he acted like such a slacker. Usually you have to have at least a Bachelors degree or even a Masters to be in some of the classes that they shared. This confirmed in her mind that he was only at the academy because of who his daddy was.
She did tell Spock about her entire first encounter with Cadet Kirk. For some odd reason Spock had a really funny expression on his face when she mentioned the farm animal thing.
From her conversation with Spock, she was starting to wonder if he might just have a crush on Jim Kirk. The thought must have been generated by her own school girl with a crush behavior regarding Spock. Jealousy could only explain her coming to such a crazy conclusion. First, there was No Way Jim Kirk was Spock’s type. Jim is loud, brash, and a complete idiot. He gets in bar fights. Jim Kirk had a notorious reputation for over indulging in sex, alcohol, and stupid guy things. Jim Kirk could keep the rumor mill busy by himself with half the brainless things he does.
At that time, it seemed impossible that Spock would be asking her these questions because he has a crush on Jim Kirk. A part of her hoped he was asking her because he was making excuses to talk to her. As their conversation continued she knew that was just wishful diluted little girl thinking on her part.
"Why do you want to know more about him?" She finally asked quickly, as she became more concerned with their conversation. She was 97% positive Spock was acting like a teenage girl with a crush on Jim Kirk. He was displaying all the classic symptoms except for scribbling Jim’s initials in his PADD and having a love stone expression on his face the entire time. Then again, Spock did not exactly do expressions beyond the raising of an eyebrow.
"I found his reaction to being unable to win the Kobayashi Maru fascinating. I want to understand why he had such a reaction, so that I may improve the test." It was a plausible explanation to anyone but her. It was so obvious. Spock had been taken in by the charms of Jim Kirk. She needed to intervene quickly for his sake. This had nothing to do with the fact that she was in love with Spock, nothing to do with it whatsoever. Really, she was only acting in Spock’s best interest.
"The only reason why he acted that way is because he is a self-absorbed cocky brat, who always gets what he wants including a spot at the academy. I personally don't think he's even smart enough to be here. If his daddy didn't die saving 800 people he probably wouldn't be here. He only acted that way because he couldn't get his way."
She was being unbelievably blunt on purpose and hoped it would work. Since he did not ask any more questions she was sure that killed his Jim Kirk crush for about five minutes.
The fact that Spock kept gazing at Jim Kirk during their entire study group told her the crush was still there. It didn’t matter that Jim spent the entire time looking at her legs. At least she thought that at the time. She knows better now.
That night she was worried about Spock’s infatuation, even if at the time it seemed only one sided. After study group, once again Spock rejected her invitation for coffee. She was pretty sure it was because of his infatuation with a certain blue eyed boy. With eyes like that, it’s easy for someone to become enamored if they haven’t been taken in by that type of guy before.
She told herself that as long as Jim Kirk wasn't actively pursuing Spock there was nothing to worry about. At that point, she was still convinced Jim Kirk was the poster boy for hyper heterosexual. Spock was missing the one thing Jim liked the most. Even if Spock was crushing on Jim, it didn’t matter because nothing could happen.
Maybe she was a little upset Spock was starting to ignore her a bit because of his crush on Jim. Usually Professor Spock ate lunch in his office and she would come up with some reason to join him. Now he was eating in the cafeteria so he could stare at the obvious object of his affection.
XXX
Three weeks later, her happy delusion fell apart. She learned a very important lesson: never underestimate Jim Kirk. Jim actually liked Spock in an ‘I want to sleep with him’ sort away.
She watched Jim’s first disasters attempt to get into Spock’s pants with glee. It was horrible. Jim utilized some of the worst pickup lines she has ever heard. ’I just wanted to be your friend.’ Yeah that's what Andy tried. Andy said that he wanted to just be her friend; instead, he took her virginity and never called her again. Andy did not even get her off and it hurt like hell.
At first glance, it looked like Spock was completely ignoring Jim. She knew better. If he really wanted to blow Jim off, Spock would have said ‘Vulcans do not have friends’ and left without another word. She is pretty sure she saw the Vulcan equivalent of a smile as Spock walked away. The only thing going in her favor was the fact that Spock did not write down Jim’s contact information.
If she were not already sure that Spock may have a tiny crush on Jim, she would be positive that Spock would not fall for those lines. However, due to the preexisting infatuation she was worried. She fell for those same lines once upon a time and she was concerned about Spock doing the same.
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Two days later, in an effort to be a good friend and to keep Spock from going through the same heartbreaks that she went through once upon a time; she decided to warn him about the real Jim Kirk. Actually, she decided to warn him about assholes in general.
Really, her efforts were completely selfless. She just didn't want Spock to go through what she did. She was trying to be a good friend.
During the last two days, she came to the conclusion that nothing was going to happen between her and Spock. At least not while he is still her professor and she wasn’t going to derail her academic progress just for a guy even if she was half in love with him. Spock was the best professor she ever had and she was not dropping his class just so she can sleep with him.
Therefore, her decision to speak with Spock about Jim had nothing to do with her crush or her being jealous. She wished somebody would have hit her upside the head during the whole Andy situation years ago. Honestly, her motives were pure.
Really, she wasn't using her friendship with Spock to further her own romantic relationship with him. She wouldn't treat him like they treated her in the past. She would respect Spock’s wishes. At least, that's what she told herself. It's amazing how easy it is to lie to oneself when you are in ‘silly schoolgirl crush’ mode. Doesn’t Love make fools of us all?
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Her warning didn’t work. Against her wishes, Spock decided to ask Jim out to play chess. Even if it was happening in a public park on campus, it was still a date. Apparently, it was a really good date because suddenly Spock no longer had time to meet with her to help her with class assignments during his office hours or any other time.
Spock was always with Jim during the first few weeks of their acquaintance. How much chess can one person play? She didn't think anything of that because if Jim Kirk was like Andy and Jordan, he would lose interest if he didn't get what he wanted. Considering how hard it was to get Spock to go against the student/professor relationship policy she knew Jim didn't have the patience.
Over the next few months, she dealt with the fact that Professor Spock was canceling or rescheduling study days for her and the other students. She adjusted to the fact that he scaled back his office hours to the normal amount that most professors at the academy had. She got used to only seeing him during group tutoring sessions or in class. She was okay with that even if she really wasn’t.
Because at first, Jim was still going out with other people, occasionally she almost believed that maybe the two were just friends. She had no indication that Jim was bisexual except for what he said. At least, she didn’t have any indication otherwise, until she saw a reluctant Jim excepting advances from Professor Johnson. She could tell Jim was not quite comfortable with being kissed by the older man. She was a linguistics expert and she could read body language perfectly. Jim wanted to run away, but let the guy continue kissing him anyway.
She assumed he was going along with it to raise his GPA, because it looked like he was being forced. That’s what she thought until she discovered that Jim tested out of all of Professor Johnson’s classes.
As long as Jim was sleeping with other people for whatever reason, that meant he wasn’t sleeping with Spock. She held onto that hope as long as she could. She could deal with Spock not being with her as long as he wasn’t with someone else. Because honestly, the thought of Spock being with anyone else made her stomach sick.
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A few weeks before Christmas, Spock did something that gave her hope that he was still interested in her as a possible girlfriend. One day after class Spock asked her what was traditionally done on earth to make amends for offending someone. Essentially, he asked for the perfect apology present. Of course, it took him five minutes to actually say that.
Again, her ‘inner delusional schoolgirl’, who still believed in fairy tales, obviously thought this was an attempt on his part to get in her good graces again. She loved it and told him to pick up her favorite brand of chocolate cookies.
These were not just any chocolate chip cookies these were Godiva triple chocolate chip cookies that were dipped in chocolate. These cookies were extremely delicious and still made with real Chocolate the old fashioned way. She never did get those cookies and her little inner schoolgirl sulked in the corner of her mind, because the object of her affection obviously was not interested. She was pissed off when she found out that Jim Kirk got Spock’s cookies.
XXX
Again, due to her ‘crazy schoolgirl with a crush behavior’, she may have or may not have convinced another student, to let her take over their duty during the Kobayashi Maru simulation. She may have or may not have purposely chosen to be part of Jim Kirk’s second attempt because she knew Spock was observing and she would get to enjoy watching Jim fail miserably.
She did get to see Jim fail miserably, but she also saw a person actually tried to beat this test and acted like this was a real emergency. She couldn’t believe he literally fried the simulation. Then he kicked the console before he started cursing in near perfect Klingon. In all the sessions she has been a part of, she has never seen someone try so hard to pass this test.
Because of her stupid inner school girl who believed in fairy tales, she thought it would be a good idea to wait outside for Spock. That was a mistake.
Spock was not alone. He and Jim Kirk were engaged in a very heavy Vulcan make out session. Actually, in Vulcan terms she was pretty sure this was considered heavy petting. It was almost pornographic by Vulcan standards. She wanted to cry.
She couldn't believe what she was seeing. It was obvious by the type of contact, Spock was engaging in some sort of sexual relationship with Jim. Spock would not even let her touch his hand and he was letting Jim grope him Vulcan style in public. That was so unfair.
Okay, she was jealous and very upset. She may have spent an hour crying, after throwing up. Not that she would tell anybody that. After she wiped away her tears, she was angry. How the hell could Jim Kirk succeed when she felled miserably?
Maybe she was just misreading the situation. She was still convinced that Jim wasn’t necessarily the most intelligent guy, even if he could speak Klingon. Maybe he had no idea that he was engaging in Vulcan hand sex in the hallway.
Before she spent the entire weekend secretly crying over the fact that maybe just maybe Spock was really into someone else, she decided that it would be best to ask Spock directly. It took her three days to get up the courage to talk to him about what she saw. She did it during office hours, because she was too embarrassed to have anybody else find out what happened. That conversation with Spock was probably one of the most painful experiences she has ever had in her life.
“I thought you said you didn't date students or was that just an excuse?” If he really didn’t like her, she wished he would have just told her the truth, instead of using the school’s policy as an easy out. That was just humiliating. She continued on without allowing him time to tell her something that she didn’t want to hear.
“I saw you making out with Jim, by Vulcan standards, in the simulation lab." She could keep the sadness out of her voice but her anger bled through as she practically screamed the words.
"Not that it is any of your business, but I am not dating Cadet Kirk." His words were short and clipped, but she felt like he was lying to her. Did Spock really expect her to believe that after what she saw? By the way Jim and Spock acted around each other; it was obvious they were more than just friends.
Maybe he was lying to her by omission. If Jim was like Andy, he probably really didn’t do relationships. Maybe they were not dating but just having sex. That didn’t make her feel any better. She felt like crying again. She still envied Jim for having Spock and that envy came out as anger.
"Of course, you're not dating.” She said with bitter sarcasm. “This is Jim Kirk. He doesn't date, just fucks a lot.” She said purposely choosing the most vulgar word possible. “He's nothing but a conceited slut. He's probably trying to pass your linguistics class on his back." She said remembering what she saw Jim doing with Professor Johnson months earlier. Even she is aware that her words are fueled by jealousy and pain.
She’s jealous because Jim has the person she wants and she just isn’t sure that Jim deserves Spock’s heart. Yet, for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to mention the specific example with Professor Johnson. Maybe that was because a part of her didn’t believe Jim was as evil as she thought he was.
"You will not use that vulgar language in my presence, especially in relation to one of your classmates." He said an octave higher than normal but it was obvious he was angry with her. His eyes told her everything.
"What I do or do not do with Cadet Kirk is none of your business. Academy regulations preclude me from engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with any student, who is directly under my instruction. Because Cadet Kirk is not one of my students, he would not fall under that regulation, unlike you cadet."
If she wasn’t so angry, she would have laughed. She really should have at least looked at Jim’s schedule before this confrontation. She still could have pointed out that because Jim was taking a simulation that Spock created, they would technically be subject to the same student/teacher policy that she and Spock were under. Yet, she couldn’t when she realized the truth.
Spock cared about Jim. Maybe even loved Jim but she couldn’t bring herself to voice that out loud. It just hurt too much. Instead, she decided to lash out at Jim’s intelligence as she grabbed Spock’s arm to stop him from walking away.
"He is not in any of your classes because he doesn't have the intellectual capacity to understand half the things you teach." She said bitterly as she tried to keep the tears out of her voice.
"Your opinion about someone you do not know is disturbing at best.” If only he understood how well she really knew men with Jim Kirk’s personality. “It is best not to judge someone so harshly based solely on one experience.” She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t just basing her assumption off of her encounter with Jim but on several painful personal experiences. She was basing her opinion on watching other girls (and guys) get their hearts broken, by that Jim Kirk type a million times. She was too angry, so she just kept quiet.
“How do you expect to do your job properly when you become a communications officer, if you automatically judge people by such illogical standards?" He had the audacity to question her job performance. How dare he, her opinion regarding Jim had nothing to do with her harboring prejudiced torch other individuals.
"I'm not being judgmental, his reputation precedes him." She said in her defense.
In his first two years at Starfleet academy, Jim Kirk managed to get a reputation for being the ultimate skirt chaser and player. (Although she was aware the rumor mill was not completely accurate since there were no indications whatsoever that Jim played for both teams.) She tried to use evidence from the rumor mill to convince herself Jim Kirk was another Andy or Jordan, except he wasn’t.
Jordan and Andy tried to convince naiveté little girls that they loved them and would never leave their side. Jim never said the L word. He didn’t promise the individuals that he’s slept with love or forever. The only thing he ever promised was that his partner would have a mind numbing orgasm or four. (Also according to the rumor mill, unlike certain ex-boyfriends of hers, he could actually deliver that promise.)
Yes, Jim did sleep around a lot, but he did actually speak to these girls again after sex. Just because Jim Kirk had sex with you didn’t mean that he lost all respect for you. Great, Jim Kirk treated his former conquests better than any of her ex-boyfriends or hookups ever treated her. That just gave her another reason to hate him. Why can’t he just be a bastard like everyone else?
The only conquest she has ever seen Jim Kirk avoid like the plague after the fact was Professor Johnson and even she could understand wanting to avoid the person. Again, the guy was a prick.
"I'm just worried about you, I'm your friend and I don't want you to get hurt." She said this last line as she made direct skin contact with Spock's forearm. Maybe she should not have done that because she was sure he felt all of her emotions. She knew she was conflicted and hurt. She loved Spock and he didn’t love her. The jealousy was pulsing through her as well because she knew whom Spock really cared about.
"Contrary to your point of view, I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Again, my relationship with Cadet Kirk is not your business. If you make me choose between your friendship and his, you will be sadly disappointed by my choice." As he pushed her away, that is when she finally told herself that he really did love Jim. She wanted to cry again.
She really didn’t know what to do. She really did care about Spock but she finally realized that it just wasn’t going to happen. She was glad Gaila was with her boyfriend of the moment because she did not want anyone to see her brokenhearted ice cream and crying session. After getting the tears out of her system, she decided to do a little research on the guy Spock was probably in love with.
She refuses to explain exactly how she managed to get into a file that the Admiralty kept on Jim Kirk, let’s just say it pays to have a roommate who is a computer science genius and has no ethical qualms about breaking into certain highly encrypted files.
Did you ever have a moment in your life where you realized that everything you thought you knew about a person was completely wrong? Her mouth fell down in shock when she saw Jim Kirk’s GPA. Even though he barely showed up to classes he had a perfect 4.0. Actually, his GPA is higher than a 4.0 this semester because of various special projects. She tried to ignore the note in the file about how Jim’s attendance has improved the due to his relationship with Professor Spock. At least, Admiral Barnett knew that something was going on and approved because it kept Jim out of trouble.
She almost fainted when she found out that Jim already had Master’s Degree in advanced engineering and physics before he even arrived at the academy. She was right about one thing, the player personality was fake. She just didn’t realize it was this fake. He really was not the person she thought he was.
Because Jim already had a degree, he tested out of all of Professor Johnson's classes. This troubled her. If Jim was so uncomfortable with Professor Johnson, why did he allow what ever happened a few months ago to happen?
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A few days later at the next group study session she wasn’t that shocked to see Jim there as Spock’s assistant. If it wasn’t for the fact that she was told ‘Vulcans do not do petty’ she would be positive that Jim was there just to show off his superior linguistic skills. Jim’s Klingon and Vulcan were flawless although she finally did discover that he didn’t know any Romulan whatsoever. At least, she finally found a language she could insult him in that he wouldn’t understand.
She thought she had it bad after her mom’s divorce. At least, her mother didn’t drag her around to different planets just to get away from the ghost of her father. She also did not end up on Tarsus IV. This knowledge helped her hate Jim just a little less when she was forced to spend copious amounts of time with him.
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Over the next two months, she watched Jim and Spock become closer. Okay, let’s be honest, they were already close. She watched the two of them act like an old married couple in front of her. Every time she saw Spock giving Jim a Vulcan kiss, when he thought no one was looking, she felt her heart being ripped out but she wouldn’t let anybody know how much it hurt.
She felt it was obvious to everybody that the two were together in every sense of the word. The two were not that discreet about engaging in Vulcan hand sex in the middle of study sessions at the library. Maybe she should be happy about the fact that Jim and Spock were now having lunch in Spock’s office so she didn’t have to see the extreme ‘teenager in love’ behavior.
Of course, in her mind she now sees Spock and Jim having sex on his desk in the middle of the day. That particular vision made her slightly nauseous.
She was still jealous. It became worse when she was forced to accept that Spock’s feelings were not one sided. Jim Kirk was acting like a teenager in love. He was following Spock around campus like a lost puppy. He was the one wearing that obvious love stone expression. The moment that truly clenched it was when Jim turned down that same girl who she caught giving Jordan that BJ three years earlier. That in it self proved it must be love.
A few days ago, she was ready to completely give up on Spock and congratulated him on his relationship with Jim. She invited him to coffee just for coffee. Maybe she should have said tea instead considering the sexual innuendo that came out of Jim’s mouth. After two months of being forced to spend extreme amounts of time with Jim, she was starting to realize that the flirting was his natural defense mechanism. That still didn’t mean she didn’t leave the study area pissed at Jim. She was so irritated that she actually left her PADD lying on the table in the private study room.
She ended up overhearing a conversation that she shouldn’t have and she now knew why Spock kept her at arm’s length for so long. At least, she now understood why Jim called the one boy ‘cupcake’.
It wasn’t her fault that she overheard. It’s her job to overhear conversations. It’s not a skill you can turn off. She wished she could when she heard some of the things that made her almost sympathetic regarding Jim. At least they left the room before she could hear more Jim Kirk related relationship horror stories. It was bad enough that she found out the first girl Jim ever slept with only slept with him because he was George Kirk’s son. That had to be 100 times worse than the Andy disaster.
Maybe because of her ’all human Males are only after one thing mindset, she failed to realize that male hearts can just as easily be hurt. Now she understands why in the past Jim preferred one night stands. He was doing the exact thing she was. If you don’t let anybody close enough to hurt you, than no one can hurt you.
XXX
All sympathy for Jim went away 20 minutes ago when she caught him underneath her roommate’s bed. She instantly flashed back to the story her mother told her about walking in on Nyota’s father screwing Nyota’s first step mom.
That’s why she found herself walking in Spock’s office ready to kill his boyfriend as she prepares to tell him the awful truth.
To be continued