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As soon as the three of them were out of the room, Bellamy wasted no time grabbing Murphy by the collar shoving him up against the wall. What the hell was that about?! You looked like you were leaving a dying friend behind.
Yeah, I think – I uh, I think we established she’s like you Murph, a cockroach. Hard to kill.
You think this is funny Reyes?! John Murphy snapped as he shoved Bellamy off of him, it’s because of both of you I couldn’t speak to Clarke tonight! Damn it! Murphy said punching his hand against the wall before he even knew what he was doing. Jee Murph no need to get worked up I’m sure the little Princess will be fine just for one night!
Raven back off, this time it was Bellamy who was speaking. Before he turned to look back at Clarke. Are you going to tell us what is wrong with Clarke? What have you so worked up? Wait is it Mad-
Madi’s fine, Murphy quickly blurted out… well as far as I knew, Murphy changed his words with a shrug of his shoulders. You want to hound someone about Clarke, hound her – she’s the one worried about Clarke. Because of her mother? Raven asked. Beats me, all I know ever since she buried what was left of her Abby out by the cabin, she’s been avoiding Madi. Well, that’s how Madi feels about it at least. What? Madi picked you of all people to talk about Clarke? Raven questioned Murphy a bit stunned. I don’t get it. Shouldn’t Madi hate you? I mean, after all, it’s your fault Clarke was put in the position she was in with the Lightbourne’s.
Tsk… tsk… tsk Reyes, I don’t believe you are in a position to talk. By the time I knew what the Lightbourne’s had planned for Clarke – I thought she was dead. Unlike you – well you & Madi. I can’t say I’m surprised about your behavior but Madi, she had me fooled big time which means she had Clarke fooled too.
Madi? I don’t get it. What did she do to Clarke? Bellamy asked, if this was about the flame - she & Clarke already made up.
Perhaps they did, Murphy said to Bellamy, but that doesn’t mean Clarke is one to forget. Besides, I don’t think they made it up. After all, Clarke is mad at Raven. Or you didn’t know Bellamy that your girlfriend tried to strangle Clarke nearly to death while not only Raven stood by & watched but Madi too. I mean I don’t know but if I had taken someone underneath my wing for six years & this is how they repay me kid or not they would be dead. But I know Clarke would never harm a child so I keep my restraint in tack.
No, I don’t believe it… I don’t believe it, Bellamy repeated shaking his head from side to side. Madi’s the reason why Clarke & I patched up things so quickly.
It’s true… it was Raven who spoke this, repeating it once more. It’s true, hell in some ways Clarke is alive because of Madi, sure it took her a minute but she managed to talk Echo down off the ledge.
THE FUCKING LEDGE! REALLY RAVEN!
Holy shit, Raven muttered under her breath, Clarke startled them – well her. How much did she hear but Raven guessed it didn’t matter. As Clarke was still talking.
The Madi I know – the Madi that I loved would’ve shot Echo dead in her tracks the moment she laid a hand on me. Don’t you dear stand in front & act like you know Madi better than I do! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! Did I just really say that Clarke was between shouting & whispering before she came to a sudden stop from pacing back & forth in front of the doorway to look directly at Raven? Maybe I am wrong, maybe you do know Madi the best out of everyone after all you both just stood there, Clarke threw her hands up in frustration & found herself letting out a loud yelp as she felt someone grabbing onto her wrist catching her off guard. She took her eyes off of the hand that was on her wrist fully prepared to yank it out of the grip but not before snapping at the person who had grabbed her but before she could even open her mouth, she felt herself being pulled into a firm body & felt someone’s breath against her neck. Clarke still didn’t know if it was Bellamy or Murphy until they whispered in her ear. Saying she’s coming out with us. She instantly knew who it was Bellamy.
Clarke let out a huff as Bellamy released her wrist & she found herself rubbing the wrist now. Rolling her eyes quickly she looked between Murphy & Bellamy, going where exactly? Clarke asked.
Murphy chuckled, nowhere of course if you & Bellamy would rather stay in & get reacquainted with one another. He’s a taken man! Clarke heard Raven tell him. Not everything is about sex, Murphy replied just as Bellamy said, no I am not, I told you to tell Echo we are over. Even if Clarke did forgive Echo there shouldn’t have been a reason why Echo kept it from me unless she knew what she did was wrong.
ENOUGH! YOU TWO! Clarke shouted.
Look Bellamy I wouldn’t make you choose between Echo & me. Hell, she tried to kill your sister herself – Echo did stab her & toss her off a cliff & you still decided to date. So, you must love her.
Family for some reason that word echoed in her mind… then she instantly realized why, she remembered Bellamy looking her directly in the eye while she was chained up telling her who she considered family & well if she recalls his sister nor she was not anywhere on that list which for some reason sent a sharp pain through her chest as she thought about it which she doesn’t know why.
Because actions speak louder than words – if he considered her family he wouldn’t have gone behind her back to help Madi put the flame inside her fucking head. She wouldn’t have been drugged by Cillian nor kidnapped by Josie’s father or put in a coma. That was when it hit her like a ton of bricks: why it bothered her so much still until this day.
Clarke quickly ran back inside the bedroom shutting the door & making sure the locks were on before turning her back towards the door letting herself step back until she felt her back touch the door & slid down until her buttocks touched the floor, letting her cries fall silently rather than loudly as Clarke finally admitted it to herself the moment Bellamy decided to stop caring about her was the exact moment she realized she loved him. But she could – would never tell him, because it’s clear he stopped caring & this isn’t even because of him dating Echo which she can’t believe he did date because hell she remembers the day he stopped Echo from killing her (Yes the strangulation wasn’t the first time Echo tried to kill & this time around even if it means Bellamy will hate her forever, she’s not letting Echo try for a third time.) But more importantly why she know Bellamy stopped caring about her. Because while she was held captive by Josephine Lightbourne she knew – she knew Bellamy had given up on her. Sure, Bellamy was there by her side to make sure she got the surgery she needed to survive what Josie did to her but it wasn’t really him who saved her. It was her dead friend Monty who convinced her to keep on fighting not just fight for her life but fight for what is right. But what happens when you don’t know what is right anymore? Clarke just chuckled to herself softly because that is the problem. She doesn’t know what is right anymore – not really. How can what she does be right when her mother is dead & the people responsible or rather most of the people responsible for her mom’s death are alive & kicking & well?
Clarke realized she must’ve fall asleep or pass out, she’s not sure which but she knows this much because when she sat up gasping for air with one of her hands clutching her throat for dear life she had enough alertness still within her to not only notice her free hand was clutching sheets beside her but as she looked around the room which she now realized wasn’t in fact Josie’s room that Nylah, Gabriel, Octavia - the girl who stabbed her nearly a week ago (gosh she forgot her name, but she doesn’t have time to feel bad about that right now) as she continue to look at the people who were in this small room with her (or maybe it wasn’t a small room – maybe it was the amount of people in the blasted room itself apart from her & the few people she already noticed in the room.) then there was Indra & Gaia who was surprisingly standing wrapped up around Madi like she was a scared little child instead of the commander that sight should’ve cause her a pain of jealousy but it didn’t she’s glad she didn’t feel anything when she saw Madi, then there was Raven who was surprisingly or maybe not so surprisingly standing next to Echo - wait Echo? What the hell is she doing here – this better not be her room I’m in wait a second if Echo is here where’s Bellamy? Maybe Bellamy did mean what she told Raven, that he was through with Echo but wait why wou- Clarke cut off her own thoughts when she saw him standing next to Miller & Eric Jackson then Murphy & Emori.
Clarke felt her throat dry as she felt herself swallow, that all she could think of to say when her mouth opened up was for some water.
To her surprise, it was Madi who bought her the water. Clarke felt like an animal in a cage as everyone's eyes were on her like she had the answers to everything when in truth she didn’t, she knows she didn’t because she doesn’t even know what happened. The last thing she remembers was arguing with Raven over Echo & Madi but then everything is kinda a blur but no that can’t be right because she somehow knew before waking up or regaining consciousness she was in fact on the floor.
Clarke couldn’t help but choke on her water as she heard Madi saying she was glad she is fine before she noticed Indra & Gaia stepping forward asking her if she remembered what happened. For some reason that caused Clarke to snap, she quickly jumped out of bed ignoring the sharp pain she felt shoot from her arm while shouting.
NO, I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED & I DON’T CARE! I GOING BACK TO MY ROOM! You can’t, it was Indra who spoke but that wasn’t what caught her off guard it was the fact that Indra had the nerve to grab her arm. LET GO! Clarke hissed, now I’m leaving.
Clarke was getting frustrated now because this time Murphy was standing in front of her blocking her path to the door while holding his hands up palms facing her. Raven & Emori had to put shields up at certain parts of Sanctum. Well, I’ll take my chances, Murphy, you & I both know there are at least three people – well make that four people in this very room that I can’t trust, Clarke said as she turned to look at Indra than back to Murphy. Unbelievable Indra never laid a hand on her not even when she was at odds with Lexa.
So, move out of my way before I make you! Clarke told Murphy.
We saved your life stop being such a bitch for one second! The voice caught her off guard more so than the statement itself, it was Raven’s. Gosh, can’t she just stay out of her life?
Turning away from Murphy she looked at Raven… SAVED ME FROM WHAT?! & REALLY RAVEN? HOW MUCH SAVING DID YOU REALLY DO? I BET YOU JUST PROBABLY STOOD AROUND LOOKING AROUND & CALLED IT A DAY!
Not what… who… it was Indra who spoke this time. Sheidheda is alive.
Ok? Clarke repeated, what does this have to do with me? He’s in Russell’s body Clarke, Indra said. Ok? Clarke said Sheidheda didn’t murder my mother. Why would he be after me?
He tried to kill me Clarke; this time it was Madi who spoke. Some of Wonkru has already turned on me while some of the citizens of Sanctum still believe he’s Russell. Ok? So, what Madi, you wanted to be commander – you wanted to act like an adult & be in charge of consequences be damn. Remember when I warned all of you including you Madi about putting the damn flame inside your fucking skull! I may not have known what was going to happen but I did warn it was dangerous I did warn you there would be consequences Madi. So, if people are starting to turn on you then that’s your own damn fault, not mine! I’m not the one who kidnapped you from Polis. Maybe it was your parents who didn’t want you to follow that life! If Wonkru is turning on you it’s because they finally opened their eyes to see you for what you are a fraud. Tell me since Raven & Gaia saved your life what have you done to assure them that you are ok that they are safe?
I ACCEPTED THE FLAME TO SAVE YOUR LIFE CLARKE! Madi shouted… Yeah, bang-up job you did… do you want me to list all of the things that happened to me since you put the flame in your head? Echo tried to kill me & you stood by & watched. I got drugged & kidnapped - maybe not physically tortured but emotionally tortured. My mother had to watch Kane kill himself then she was murdered because she wanted to save your useless behind! So please explain to me exactly how you saved me. If Sheidheda wants me I say let him come & get me! Since when do we hide?!
You’re are out of line Clarke… Clarke knew that voice & instantly walked up to Echo slapping her across her face. I’m not out of line. The moment Madi decided to put the flame in her head she became an adult – a leader. Besides if anyone is out of line here. I believe it’s you – no one in this room except for you promised to protect Madi. If you protected her so well, how did she become a prey to Sheidheda then? Too busy trying to keep your little secret about trying to kill me from Bellamy?
Clarke didn’t know what to expect when she heard his voice. Maybe to chide her like some child. (For some reason the death of her mother – or maybe it was the experience she had with Lightbourne's triggered something inside her everything she thought she had let go of or come to terms with was right at the forefront of her mind.) She didn’t know. But it wasn’t this.
You were hurt Clarke; it was Bellamy who spoke. Murphy & I were still outside of Josephine’s room with Raven. We don’t know how he got inside the room undetected, but the next thing we knew Emori was radioing Murphy on the walkie talkie panicking then next thing we knew Indra, Gaia, Echo & Madi showed up in the hallway saying Wonkru & Sanctum were under attack. Murphy was banging on your door but after a while we – no I got tired of waiting & kicked the door open that was when we saw Sheidheda on top of you then one thing led to anot-
Wait what do mean on top of me? Clarke interrupted Bellamy. She had to know – it couldn’t mean what she thought it meant, maybe they struggled for a bit & it only looked like he had the upper hand. Clarke wouldn’t say the word. No, she wouldn’t. Someone else would have to say it – even if it was Bellamy himself.
Clarke felt herself let out a sigh of relief as she also felt herself collapse into some unknown arms; she was unsure of whose voice it was but she heard them.
Sheidheda didn’t rape her, they made sure of it. Part of her wanted to know how they made sure but then again it didn’t matter she thought to herself as she let her eyes slowly close ignoring the background noise as all she knew was the fact in this very second, she felt something she hadn’t felt since her father last held her in his arms & that was safe.