Chapter Text
Saxon sat quietly in a booth against the diner window, watching tiny granules of sugar dissolve into his coffee. He twirled his spoon in a counterclockwise motion, almost getting lost in the way the silky, black liquid funneled into a whirlpool of inky darkness.
His nerves were twisting hot inside his stomach, feeling anxious at the thought of being alone with his brother for the first time since they'd left Thailand.
That was three months ago, and so much had happened since then.
Their father was in prison awaiting trial, while their mother was currently renting an apartment with, Piper and Lochy.
Saxon hadn't been back there since the day he'd helped them move in. He would call every night though, and meet up with their mother for lunch sometimes.
It wasn't like he hadn't seen Lochy at all since then. They just never really talked. Only exchanging quick, timid hello's once a week while meeting up to visit their father in the prison yard.
What a fucking nightmare this whole thing was.
Saxon drummed his fingers nervously along the table in front of him - the surface smooth and lacquered under his skin as his blunt nails clacked against it.
He took a sip of his coffee, the rim of the mug hot against his lips as he slurped the sweet and smoky liquid through the front of his teeth.
It warmed his insides, and he exhaled roughly through his nose, trying to relax his shoulders against the booth bench behind them.
The bell that hung above the door jingled, pulling Saxon out of his thoughts. He looked up from the rim of his mug to see Lochy walking towards him, a timid smile on his face as he gave Saxon a half wave.
He looked good. Really good, wearing khaki shorts and a white T-shirt with horizontal, navy stripes, and Saxon hated how much he warmed at the sight of him, being painfully reminded how much he’d missed his little brother's presence in his life.
“Hey.” Lochy flashed a half smile and slid down into the seat across from Saxon.
“Hey.” Saxon's own smile was small. Timid.
“You look good.” Lochy said awkwardly, cringing slightly as if he didn't mean to say that part out loud. But Saxon was glad that he did. It warmed something inside of him, even though he didn't want it to.
“Thanks. So do you. I like your outfit. Nautical suits you.” Saxon replied into his coffee and took another swig, watching the way his little brother's smile grew, his teeth nibbling along his bottom lip.
“Thanks.”
There was an awkward beat of silence between them, thick and quiet, making Saxon's stomach churn before the waitress came back just in time to rescue them from the tension.
“Hi.” She greeted Lochy with a smile. She was pretty. Late twenties probably. Her blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail that swung with her movements. “What can I get for you to drink today?”
Lochy pressed his lips together, his knee bouncing under the table as he tapped his foot against the floor. “Can I get a chocolate milkshake?”
Saxon couldn't help but soften watching him. He was adorable. Just like he always had been. It made Saxon's chest ache.
“You sure can.” The waitress smiled warmly at Lochy and walked off towards the drink station, her ponytail bouncing right along with her steps.
“How’ve you been?” Saxon asked, watching Lochy shrug from above the rim of his coffee mug.
“Okay, I guess. Just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do after graduation, now that I'm not going to college.” Lochy scratched at his nose, fidgeting in his seat.
Saxon nodded. “Yeah. I know. That sucks, Lochy.”
It really was a terrible shame. Lochy was such a smart kid. It pained Saxon to see him so cruelly stripped of his future like that. Through no fault of his own no less. Just thinking about it had the anger he’d been carrying for their father simmering hot inside his chest. Greedy bastard.
“It's okay.” Lochy shrugged again. “The break from school might be nice. I’d like to get a job. Maybe waiting tables like you. Mom says you make good money.”
Saxon felt his throat tighten.
He’d been working at a fancy steakhouse downtown. He spent five nights a week in a crisp linen shirt and tie, talking to rich customers with his hands clasped politely behind his back. Catering to their every whim and opening their wine bottles. He wanted better for Lochy.
It did pay well though, that he had to admit. He took home four hundred dollars in tips this past Saturday. Of course he had to run his ass off to get it, but still. His fridge was stocked and his bills were paid.
“I do, but it's a tough job, Loch. Especially in fine dining. Everything is so prim and proper. You’d have more fun someplace more casual. Where you can just be yourself. You’d do good.”
Lochy nodded softly. He was more quiet than usual. Timid, which shouldn't have come as any surprise to Saxon considering how their last private conversation went.
Nobody's gonna make you a man. It’s okay for you to worship me. But don't WORSHIP me.
The words were still bitter on Saxon's tongue. Burning at the back of his throat.
What a fucking asshole.
Saxon shook his head, as if to shake the memory off his conscience.
The waitress returned with Lochy’smilkshake in hand, the glass tall and frosted, garnished with a thick swirl of whipped cream and a cherry, and something inside Saxon warmed at the way Lochy lit up at the sight of it.
His brother had a tenderness about him. A childlike wonder that Saxon found himself envious of sometimes. Lochy was somehow still pure of heart and un-jaded. Unlike Saxon who currently carried a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas.
“Thanks.” Lochy's smile was bright this time, giddiness dancing behind his eyes as he sipped at it.”
“You're welcome. Are you guys ready to order?”
“I'm just having coffee. But he can have whatever he wants.” Saxon replied, nodding towards Lochy.
Saxon had work later and didn't want to be slowed down and sleepy from stuffing his face.
“You're not hungry?” Lochy asked, a little squeak of disappointment audible behind his words.
Saxon hummed. “Umm, not super hungry, but I’ll share an appetizer with you or something.”
The disappointment behind Lochy's eyes shifted. Became something softer. He smiled, baring teeth this time as he skimmed the menu. “What about a combo basket?” He looked up to Saxon for approval, just like he’d always done his entire life.
A big, greasy basket of fried food right before work was less than appealing to Saxon, but there wasn't any way he could say no. Not with how big and bright Lochy's eyes were, blinking up at him so softly.
“Yeah.” Saxon flashed a tight smile. “That sounds good.”
“Okay, guys. I’ll get that in for you.” The waitress took both their menus and walked off smiling.
“Try this.” Lochy pushed his milkshake towards Saxon, and the older brother found himself hesitating for a moment, as if taking a sip from Lochy's straw was somehow inappropriate.
It really wasn't. They ate and drank after each other all the time before Thailand. Saxon was just being paranoid. Treading too carefully as to not do anything that could possibly lead his brother on.
He internally scoffed at himself, realizing how ridiculous he was being as he reached to pick up the glass.
“Okay.” Saxon wrapped his lips around the straw. It was already wet and sweet from Lochy's first sip, and the warm feeling that came over him at the thought was overwhelming.
Saxon pushed it down for now, just like all the other warm, fuzzy feelings before it, and focused on the cool, sweet taste of ice cream and milk that flooded his taste buds.
“That's good.” Saxon pushed the shake glass back to Lochy and licked the remnants off his lips.
Lochy was beaming, his smile so warm and pleased. The sight of it had butterflies unfolding in Saxon's chest.
It had been so long since Saxon had seen his little brother happy, he’d almost forgotten just how adorable he was. Like a happy little puppy, tongue out and tail wagging.
God, how he’d missed that so much.
By the time their appetizer came, both boys were deep in conversation, laughing and sprawled out in their booth. Lochy's feet had made their way to Saxon's side of the bench, crossed at the ankles and pressed against Saxon's thigh.
Saxon blinked down at them every so often, thinking about how easy those tan, leather sandals would be to remove, how warm the pads of his toes would feel against his palms.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Saxon internally chastised himself, turning his attention to the basket of finger foods in the middle of their table, fresh from the fryer and still gleaming with grease as he reached to grab a fried pickle.
He gave it a quick dunk into the ramekin of ranch and popped into his mouth, delighting in the salty, greasy goodness that crunched under the weight of his teeth.
Maybe Lochy was onto something with this one.
The waitress came back holding the coffee pot, her lips twisting into a knowing smile as she poured some coffee into Saxon's mug.
“I just wanted to let you guys know, your bill’s already been taken care of.”
Saxon and Lochy shared a confused look.
“Really?” Saxon bared teeth, giving a quick glance around the dining room to see if he could figure out who it was.
“Yep.” The waitress smiled, rocking on the balls of her feet. “One of the other tables thought you two were such a cute couple and wanted me to give them your check.”
Saxon choked on the sip of coffee he'd just taken, uncomfortable heat twisting in his belly as he blinked up to see Lochy looking exactly like the cat that got the cream.
The grin on his little brother's lips was shit eating, and there was a part of Saxon that wanted to smack it right off his face.
“Wow. That's so nice. Please tell them we said thank you.” Lochy replied, grinning from ear to ear.
Saxon sat in stunned silence, watching helplessly as the waitress walked off, presumably to relay the message to whatever table had paid for their check.
Lochy was beaming, his big eyes twinkling as his smile curled far up above his canines.
Saxon stewed for a moment, eventually coming to the realization that maybe they did kind of look like they were on a date.
Their laughter and sharing of food. Lochy's feet practically draped across his thighs. The milk shake. Oh God the milkshake.
It really was no wonder the other patrons mistook them for a couple.
Saxon felt kind of lost. At a precipice. A part of him was annoyed by Lochy's happiness. Wanted to confront him. Call him out on his childish behavior.
He was trying to repair their relationship, and being mistaken for a couple was not helping things.
What are you so damn happy about? The words died on Saxon's tongue.
As frustrated as Saxon was, there was a voice inside of him telling him to be quiet. To not ruin this, whatever it was. A date? Or maybe just two brothers reconnecting? Whatever it was, it was a step forward from where they were yesterday, living apart and barely talking to each other.
Don't ruin this, you stupid asshole. Saxon took another sip of his coffee, trying to ground himself. To hold onto some semblance of self control.
Confronting Lochy would throw a wrench straight into the progress they’d made today. Shatter it to pieces that Saxon would have to cut himself to pick back up again.
He’d have to watch his sweet little brother's smile twist into something ugly. See the happiness behind those big, brown eyes fade to sadness. Hear his heart shatter.
Saxon couldn't do it. He’d already spent months regretting the things he’d said to Lochy in Thailand. It wasn't a mistake he cared to make twice.
“Sax?” Lochy waved his hand in front of Saxon's face. “Earth to Saxon.” He laughed around his shake straw and took another sip.
Saxon gave several blinks. He cleared his throat and shook his head.
“Um.. yeah. Sorry.” He huffed a laugh and popped two friend mushrooms into his mouth, trying to bring himself back down to reality and out of his stupid, stubborn head.
Lochy's foot shifted against Saxon's thigh, his toes wiggling above the leather soles of his sandals playfully. Like he was comfortable and content.
Saxon knew in that moment he’d made the right decision. That keeping his fucking mouth shut for once, just might be the best thing he ever did.
His hand came down around Lochy's ankle and squeezed - thumb swiping gently across the line where Lochy's ankle ended and his foot began.
He could feel Lochy's eyes on him. Hear his Adam's apple bob roughly in his throat.
There was this quiet stillness between them.
Lochy's toes curled against his sandals and when Saxon finally looked up at him, he was pressing his lips into a thin line, as if he were trying to hide his smile - his cheeks flushing with red, eyes soft and shy, batting at him like a lovesick school girl.
They didn't talk about it though. Didn't acknowledge it. They just let it be. This affectionate moment between them, thickening the air with their unresolved tension, and it was nice to just let something be for once.
“Would you give me a ride home, Sax?” Lochy asked, wiping the last remnants of grease off his fingers with a napkin.
“Yeah. Of course.” Saxon smiled softly, taking one more slurp of his coffee before throwing two twenty dollar bills down on the table for the waitress.
Saxon may not have been rich anymore, but he still tipped like he was, now that he knew what it was like to wait tables for a living.