Chapter Text
“Siffrin…”
Mirabelle–
No. No– Please, don’t.
“Oh, Siffrin……”
The words coil almost gently around your heart. And the anticipation was almost enough to squeeze the breath out of you.
Almost.
“I can’t wait to never see you.”
~•~
You jolt up with a gasp.
(No………)
You cough. Several times. The sounds being racked out of your throats by your own fingers scratching and clawing at it—or maybe they’re trying to stop the sounds.
(It isn’t real it isn’t real it isn’t real)
There’s liquid running down your face. You’re not sure from where but it burns it burns it burns so much–
(But it is)
(NO………!!)
You curl into yourself. Knees hugged tightly to your chest. A pathetic whine escapes your throat.
(It doesn’t have to be– it doesn’t have to it doesn’t, you have the power to make it right. From the start. If you just start again –)
“HE-LLOOOOOO!!”
The shout shakes you out of it. Eyes—eyes?—opening wide as you pressed yourself tighter against the tree bark— wait…
“Did you hear me?” Sounded like it wasn’t the first time he tried calling to you. “Sorry if I scared you, it’s just…… it didn’t sound like you were having a very nice time, but I also didn’t want to intrude, so– uhm. You’re OK in there?”
“LEAVE ME ALONE,” was the first thing to get out when you opened your mouth, your voice scratching against the insides of your throats the same way your nails did on the outside.
“OK, OK! No need to tell me twice, I’m going! Just checking if you maybe needed some company, but since that’s clearly not the case–” The shuffling of boots swirling on the grass, and his voice was fainter when he talked again, “Just make sure you talk to someone later, OK? Breaking down alone like this without talking it out with someone isn’t good for anyone!!”
Then he left.
Isa…………… left.
He… didn’t even try to prod any further, or try for a joke to lighten things up, or called you Sif, as if he……
……didn’t…… recognize you.
……
…
OK. OK. No need to freak out over this. There was no reason for him to expect you to be under the Favor Tree— you surely didn’t expect it—and you did just yell at him in a way you never did before that he knows of so it goes to reason that he didn’t recognize your voice. That’s fine. That’s perfectly fine. It makes sense! Perfect sense!! What doesn’t make any sense is why are you under the favor tree right now???
At that train of thought, you blink your vision into focus and begin glancing around. Seems like you were so taken by your little breakdown that you didn’t even realize where you were actually in.
It is, in fact, the Favor Tree. Exactly as you remember it. Except–
You look to the spot right across from you. Didn’t you use to sit there–?
As your shoulders came up in a gesture that hid your face further in your cloak, you made another realization: your cloak feels much lighter, only covering your upper chest as if most of it was ripped, and your hat is nowhere to be seen.
As the panic begins rising to your chest, you look down at yourself, trembling hands feeling your exposed arms–
Lightless. Your arms and hands were completely lightless. Specks of light dotted across the skin like stars in the night sky…………
Hah. Hahahah……… hahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAH–
Oh, stars, if this is what you it is…… hahahah.
Ah…… the Universe’s sense of humor is truly something else, huh? But you can’t be too upset. It did make you laugh, after all. Besides, you wished for this! Didn’t you? To ‘start again’? To get to run it back, to where you didn’t sever your every connection and ruin everything you worked for? To where you could still be redeemed and earn your happy ending? What better way than this!!
What a great blinding twist, Universe.
Though……… you still aren’t one hundred percent sure if this is what you think it is. You never got to confirm it with them, after all, so…… better check. See if they…… see if you are also there.
~•~
Walking from the Favor Tree to the clearing was a bit of a surreal experience. Familiar, and yet not. Like a play being told with the scenes out of order. You didn’t go through Dormont though— you can’t face them; not right now —so not all that familiar.
It was…… also weird. To realize that after all this time, all these loops, you barely got to explore all that much of Dormont’s surroundings. You weren’t familiar with every tree and every little critter in your path, for once, and the realization was elating as much as it was frustrating —so much time in your hands, and you barely got to use it, huh? No wonder you failed so badly.
After an eternity, and also no time at all though, you made it to the clearing. And what you saw was exactly what you expected, and also not at all.
There you were. Except not you, but another you, from before all these loops destroyed your life.
At least, that was what you assumed– it’d make sense. It was how your own loops started. With you sleeping blissful on the clearing next to Dormont, unaware of how your world was about to spiral indefinitely.
But. This person—this you —isn’t sleeping. And they definitely don’t look blissful.
Before you can fully take in the scene though, your feet were already taking you to your clone, making you crouch before them and take their tear-soaked face between your hands.
You could stop to wonder what the cosmos you’re doing, or you could simply continue to gently wipe at your clone’s tears with a thoughtful hum as if you knew exactly what you were doing. He was rigid in your hold, as you expected, eye wide in confusion and fear, which was understandable.
“Oh, dear. How long have you been here?” you surprised yourself by the softness in your own voice. Something like pity in your face as you wiped their tears, lightly brushing their hair away from his face— where was your their hat?
They didn’t reply, as you looked around for the hat, finding it flopped over not too far from the both of you. Swiftly taking it, you settled it on top your clone’s head, lightly fixing the hair strands around it to something that didn’t scream ‘I just had a mental breakdown.’
“Cat got your tongue?” you asked cheekily. “How long have you been looping?”
There was something way too satisfying about seeing what your stunned face looked like from the outside.
“I……” His voice was scratched and choked up from crying. “I… stopped counting.”
Oh–
Huh.
Head cocking and a light frown on your face, you considered this copy before you. He looks just like you, certainly. Except…… were your shoulders always that wide? Your cloak also looks different– collar slightly shorter and pins slightly bigger. Did you……… really go back to the start of your own loops?
“Oh, your poor thing.” Choosing not to give it much thought at the moment, you once again reached out to your copy’s face. They flinched but didn’t back away, wide shimmering eye focused intently on you. “And did you have anyone helping you all this time?”
He kept staring at you, unblinking, before slowly shaking his head no.
With a click of your tongue, you made your decision. “Oh my, that must’ve been torturous, no? All this time, with only yourself remembering the loops.” There was a joke in there, that made your lips tilt up slightly. “No one to talk to……… No one to commiserate with………”
As you listed, your copy flinched even more, face pulling away as he hid it under his hat and inside their cloak. You didn’t need to see their face to know exactly what it looked like though.
“Yes, very tragic. But not anymore!” You clapped your hands together, bringing their attention back to you. “Now that I’m here, you don’t have to be alone anymore!”
His eye remained narrowed, suspicion, but you could almost feel the quickened heartbeat and how his breath caught. Hopeful.
“But we’ve been dawdling here too long. Mira must be worried about you. Go assure her–” You booped them in the nose, chuckling lightly at their jump. “–then meet me under the Favor Tree. Then we can talk! About the loops, about yourself, or just about anything you’ve been wanting to talk to someone about but couldn’t! See ya, there!”
And with another clap of your hands, you rose to your feet and made your way back through the woods around Dormont— tripping on one of the blinding roots on the way. Urgh. You got unused to irregular ground again.
As you went, you called back a last goodbye, “Bye bye, Starlight!”