Chapter Text
Snow lay over the ground like a blanket, holding it in its quiet, cold embrace. A wagon packed with six witches was rolling by the mountain roads of white, watery hooves stepping over old and fresh snow.
Qifrey blinked against the flurry of snowflakes hitting his face as he held a pole guiding their horse at the front of the wagon.
“The snow is starting to pick up again,” Qifrey turned his head to speak to the smaller witches huddled in the back, all with their hoods up, sniffling and complaining to varying extents. “We’ll stop by the next town for the night. It shouldn’t be long.”
“Give me that,” Olruggio grumbled, palming for the pole, “I’m not letting you get us lost again, especially if this weather takes a turn for the worse.”
Cringing at the truth in this statement, Qifrey sighed and gave up the pole to Olruggio. The scenery was a blur of white gray in his vision, the last daylight fading fast, and the flurry of snow didn’t help. He had missed enough road signs and landmarks on this trip for even Olruggio, ever-patient and kind, to grow frustrated. The snow and the cold put him on edge as well, Qifrey knew.
Eventually, even as darkness embraced the landscape, lanterns and torches along the road led them to a small town. Far in the north, not many witches ventured here often. Still, beast-warding spells needed to be maintained, as well as ones maintaining the integrity of the roads. Especially in winter during heavy snowfall, the witches’ help was invaluable to ensure the possibility of travel and trade.
The town, or Halla, as it read on a snow-covered sign, was quiet with scarce lights, save for the orange glow and faint sounds of music coming from the town bar and inn. As they climbed out of the wagon, Richeh squatted with her gaze transfixed on the glittering snow against the inn’s lights:
“It’s sparkling. So pretty…” She sighed in wonder, lost in thought, probably thinking of a new sparkling spell that was her own. “I didn’t know snow could do that.”
“Oh, you’re right!” Coco smiled, fighting back a yawn as she had just woken up from her light sleep in the wagon. “We didn’t have snow like this in my village. Though, it sure wasn’t as cold, either,” she added with a shudder.
The cold felt like it seeped into her bones, despite all their protective clothes and warming spells in the inner linings of their cloaks. She wondered how non-witches managed in these climates without the help of spells.
“Come now, girls, we best get inside before you get cold,” Qifrey noted, a stone weighing on his chest when he realized he couldn’t see what they were talking about. The tiny specks of light on the snow were lost to him. It was just… cold. Cold and blurry. He couldn’t stop the worries entering his mind: How long could he teach them, still? How could he prepare them for the inevitable, for when he couldn’t be their teacher anymore?
As they walked inside, all the inn’s denizens’ eyes turned to the ragtag group of witches. Qifrey tried to gauge their expressions; whether they were curious and welcoming, or distrustful and hostile, but their visages were blurs. Bunching up the fabric of his skirt under his cloak, he made a pointed effort to hide his nervousness as he approached the counter with a practiced smile:
“Good evening. Might I inquire if you have available rooms to stay in for the night?”
A woman with a brown apron, a white dress and a voice like a crackling, warm fire, gestured with her hands to the room around them,
“Why, of course! I could lend a couple rooms for ten copper, food on the house. We’ve got a meat stew on the boil tonight and hot drinks to get you warmed up. Black mountain currant juice for the kids, and ‘course some stronger beverages for the older folk.”
“Thank you, we’ll take it, then,” Qifrey replied, some of the uneasiness lifted off his shoulders. “If you are in need of a witch's services, we would be glad to help in return for letting us stay at such a fine establishment.”
The innkeeper raised her brows, resting a curious elbow on the wood counter in front of her, “That so? Why, ain’t that just the thing, ha! Thank the stars. Our sauna’s been broken for some time now, won’t heat up even with whatever magic this one witch made the stove with, and that place is important to us northern folk. You know what, if you’re able to fix it up, I’ll let you stay for the night free of charge.”
Qifrey smiled while politely waving his hand, “Ah, of course we’ll help, but we couldn’t possibly ask you to–”
“Don’t mind my friend, we’ll take that deal,” Olruggio butted in with an even bigger smile directed at the innkeeper, resting a hand on Qifrey’s shoulder that seemed to say ‘shush, I’ll handle this’.
After all, they had spent a rather large sum of money on the girls’ winter wear and their travel essentials, considering they all were quite particular about what they wanted to wear. Coco, being the seamstresses’ daughter, had high expectations of clothing, and Agott wanted the highest quality as well. Tetia begged for frills and cute-colored fabrics and buttons. Richeh wanted everything to be a certain way: Not too itchy, not too tight or constricting, the softest possible materials and loose fitting. In the end, they ended up getting her outfit custom-made and Olruggio lost a few nights working on warmth retention seals for her clothes. Since Richeh got exactly what she wanted, they couldn’t say no to the other girls for all their requests, so they spent way too much of their money and Olruggio’s sanity and sleep for their perfect clothes. So yes, now Olruggio just wanted some booze, a warm bath and a good night’s rest, without spending the last of their currency for it. Taking that sauna for a run didn’t sound too bad either, if they managed to get it working. He hadn’t done that in ages.
In the end, he got what he wanted. They got keys to two rooms, one for Qifrey and Olruggio, and one bigger one for the girls. After eating in the common area and chatting with the locals, Olruggio and Qifrey sent the girls to their rooms while the baths were heating up, and they got to work on this non-functional magic sauna.
***
The sauna was in a separate little log hut close to the main building, trails in the snow leading to the sauna and the lake.
“That a hole in the ice in that lake?” Olruggio pondered while they walked to the hut together, their boots crunching on the snow and breaths turning to fog in the cold, the chill biting their cheeks. “I’ve heard of some people doing that, swimming in ice-cold water in the winter, just didn’t think it was actually real, I s’pose,” he said with a chuckle.
“Mm, yes,” Qifrey replied absent-mindedly, not even looking towards the ice-covered lake and the endlessly black water underneath it.
Suddenly, Olruggio stopped in his tracks, causing Qifrey to bump into him. Before Qifrey could apologize, Olruggio turned to look at him. Into him. It made Qifrey’s breath catch, made visible by the fog of their breaths.
“Qif, be honest with me. Is something troubling you? Have I made you upset? If I have, I’m sorry, I really am,” the words started pouring out of Olruggio now that they were alone, and Qifrey couldn’t do anything but helplessly listen, “You’ve been acting weird for weeks now. I thought you’d enjoy this trip with the girls, but instead you’re just… in your head all the time, like you’re not even there. And don’t try to deny it.”
The hurt and worry in his voice made Qifrey’s heart falter and the stone in his chest to grow ever-larger. The lies, his past actions and the darkness looming over his future felt like an excruciating weight crushing his chest, and it never went away. It only did when he had told Olruggio the truth, but it returned tenfold when he broke that trust, unbeknownst to Olruggio. The one he held dearest in his heart, and the one he seemed to hurt the most, over and over.
He wondered all the time if it would be easier for Olruggio, for the girls, without him in their lives. Their trust, their love in him, was misplaced, like throwing a hand-carved snugstone into an icy lake. The only way for him to be worthy of their trust was to trust them in return, despite his past failings.
“No, no, you’ve got it all wrong,” Qifrey tried, squeezing his hands into fists as his expression wavered, “You could never hurt me, Olly. You’re so kind, always so kind.”
“What are you talking about? What is it, then? Please, tell me. I know it’s something, so whatever it is… just let me help you, Qifrey,” Olruggio pleaded, placing his hand, unprotected against the cold, on his friend’s shoulder, squeezing it to make sure Qifrey knew he was there, even when he avoided his gaze.
Qifrey sighed, his breath shivering in the cold. He gave in, just wanting to be warm again, selfish as it was. He didn’t want to be alone at the bottom of the lake, never reaching for light, pretending it didn’t even exist right there above the surface. This icy, submerged prison was of his own making.
“Okay. Let’s just get this contraption fixed first. It’s freezing out here, and you’re not even wearing gloves,” he said with the faintest of smiles, a crack in the ice. With every step towards the truth, he felt as though he was leading Olruggio to the icy depths with him, away from the warmth. That was all in his mind, though. In reality, they stepped into a small hut meant for warming and cleansing the body, soothing the mind. If they could fix it, that is.
Qifrey ran his fingers along the coarse logs that made up the wall, cold stone flooring under their boots. Behind another door, seats were built against the walls with timber boards, the sturdy stove-like contraption in the corner, a wooden bucket and ladle for throwing water on the stones atop the contraption.
Putting up light spells from their quires, they inspected the contraption, finding a seal hidden on the inside of a detachable latch. It was a simple thing, really: When you closed the latch, the glyph connected with the circle carved in the rocks, which heated up the stones. It was a neat spell and all, but a flawed design, since the spell would stop working if the rocks shifted enough to not be able to close the seal properly. The glyphs faded with use too. The design was unreliable, and could be made more efficiently, or even replaced by a simpler wood stove better for non-witches. It seemed that the proprietor of the inn was duped by a witch who either didn’t know any better, or willingly made a half-assed stove contraption that could stop working suddenly and without warning.
Fueled by frustration and anger, Olruggio got to work, doing what he could to improve the contraption on the spot with the tools he had on hand, with Qifrey’s help and input, though he let Olruggio handle the carving. He was a master in that, there was no denying it. Qifrey’s strengths lay elsewhere, so he just watched his friend work with quiet admiration within the cramped and cold confines of the hut, as if the challenges didn’t bother him at all.
After some time, Olruggio closed the latch, turning a knob on it and watching the stove turn to life with a warm, orange glow. Heat began radiating from it and Olruggio nodded to himself, tucking his tools into his bag.
“There we go,” Olruggio flashed a satisfied smile to his friend.
Subconsciously, a smile spread on Qifrey’s face, warmth seeping into his chest and bones, expanding his lungs. He couldn’t be sure if it was because of the contraption, or because of Olruggio.
“Right, then. We’d better test it to make sure it works fine, yeah?” Olruggio said with a grin.
“What? Are you sure we should–” Qifrey hesitated, the heat rising to his face.
“Don’t worry, it’s fine. With the adjustments I made, I just wanna make sure it doesn’t get too hot or have any problems in use.”
Qifrey rubbed his shoulder, the stubborn ache worse in the cold, “Mm, I suppose you’re right. That’s only sensible.”
Olruggio, having done this in his youth, fetched towels from the innkeeper and water from the well, before undressing inside the small room linked to the sauna meant for leaving your clothes in and washing up.
Qifrey politely averted his eyes as his friend undressed, unsure of what to do.
“Come on, Qif, you can’t go in there with your clothes on,” Olruggio said patiently, eyeing his nervous friend in the middle of undressing.
“What am I supposed to…”
“It’s alright, just leave your robes and everything here, wash up a little and we’ll go in there together. Nobody can see us, don’t worry,” Olruggio assured him, gesturing to the small window blocked by curtains. “I know it’ll feel weird for you being naked, but that’s how it’s meant to be experienced. You take off the things that weigh you down and leave them at the door. It’ll be good for your shoulder too, I know it’s been hurting.”
Qifrey rubbed the back of his neck, checking the curtain again before peeling off his glasses and setting them on a small stool. 'Just breathe, it’ll be alright. Listen to him. Leave your burdens behind, let yourself be vulnerable for once. Nothing bad will happen because of it,' he tried to tell himself.
Letting out a shaky sigh, Qifrey slowly peeled off his layers; his heavy winter cloak and boots, undoing the straps of his neck collar. Olruggio helped him get his shirt off, since he struggled with it due to the pain in his neck and shoulder, worsened by the tension he stored there and the cold that bit deep into his muscles. Once everything was off and they were both shivering in the cold, the stone floor freezing under bare feet, they poured some cold water on their limbs, torso and heads.
The radiating warmth of the sauna welcomed them in its embrace. It seemed the new design heated up the room quite quickly. Twice as hot as the hottest summer day, it felt terrifying to Qifrey at first, but he couldn’t deny the wave of relief as warmth spread into his body, their light spells in the corner creating a dim, cozy atmosphere, another relief to Qifrey from the endless days of eye-stabbing brightness that reflected from the snow. The sunny days were the worst. All Qifrey wanted to do on those days was to hide away somewhere dark to suffer there alone like an animal in pain, but he needed to put on a smile for the girls, for Olruggio. And stars, was it exhausting.
Now, all he could feel was relief, and he let it wash over him, trying not to feel guilt, trying to push away the jabbing thoughts that he didn’t deserve it, that these comforts weren’t meant for witches like him, the ones sunk so low into dark waters. But he couldn’t deny the warmth he felt. Maybe even one snugstone was enough to soothe his body of water, if even just a little.
“I’m afraid I’ll lose it all, Olly,” Qifrey spoke into the warm quiet of the sauna, the water thrown on the rocks sizzling and turning to invisible, hot vapor. “I’m sure you’ve guessed it, but have just been too kind to force me to open up. My sight is failing, and I haven’t found a way to stop it. Not one without forbidden magic.”
Olruggio listened silently, throwing more water on the rocks. It sizzled again, and heat filled the room, filled their lungs. Eased their pains while other griefs scorched them.
“...How long have you known?”
“Since the Tower of Tomes, I found I couldn’t get my right eye back without forbidden magic, and the left one… well, I felt it start to fail a few years ago,” Qifrey said, explaining the searing pains bright lights caused him, unveiling the truths, even the ugliest ones. He erased Olruggio’s memory of his secret. Of course, he had figured it out before, he was his oldest and dearest companion. Qifrey wanted so badly for Olruggio to be angry at him, but it all sizzled away in the suffocating heat.
“I’m sorry,” Olruggio said, despite having learned the truth. “I’m sorry I wasn’t worthy of your trust.”
It stung. The blinding heat and the pain brought tears to Qifrey’s eye, making the world ever blurrier. Pain gripped his chest, squeezing his lungs, but at least he could still feel guilt and pain over what he had done. He would be lost only when he couldn’t feel the heat anymore, the heat of regret and sorrow burning inside him, when all he could feel was the cold water that numbed him with quiet lies and filled his lungs with lonely grief.
No, he didn’t want that. Even as he lay motionless in his coffin, slowly dying, a part of him had screamed: 'Live! Live! I want to live!'
It had clawed at the wood with raw fingers when he couldn’t find the strength anymore, it grasped at the rays of light reaching to the bottom of his lake, his watery and lonely grave.
Before he knew it, tears streaked his cheek and they kept flowing, as if someone had cracked the dam he had worked so meticulously to build. Olruggio. Olruggio was always the one who unraveled him, but put him back together again. He was the only one who could.
Olruggio wrapped a comforting arm around his shuddering shoulders, and an ink-stained hand wiped the tears off his cheek.
“It’s alright. I forgive you, Qifrey,” Olruggio said quietly, biting back his own tears, “Thank you for trusting me now, at least. But we should probably get out of here now. It’s not good to stay too long, especially if you aren’t used to it.”
Olruggio offered his hand, and Qifrey took it, climbing back down on unsteady feet and with shuddering breaths.
It was quiet and intimate as they washed up, this time helping each other with scrubbing their backs. Faces still beet-red, a lingering effect of the heat, they held the hurt and trust in their palms like glowing stones, small and imperfect, impure but real. Precious and worth holding onto all the same.
Their minds had shifted when they came back to the inn, like the stones in the stove. Neither of them knew if it was better or worse. It was different than before, that’s all they knew, and only time would tell. But for now, their bodies ached less and Qifrey’s burden was shared, broken into two pieces to hold onto.
The girls hadn’t gone to sleep yet. They were up in their room after taking a bath and changing into their nightgowns: Agott was doodling decorative signs and Coco was by her side, giggling at her friend’s creations with warmth and joy. Richeh and Tetia were drying off their companion brushbuddy, warming it up in towels and blankets while enjoying how silly it looked with its fur all puffed up like a cotton cloud plant.
“You’re back. Did you fix the thing?” Richeh asked the two teachers standing by the doorstep, tilting her head.
“Yes, we did. It was mostly Olruggio, who fixed it, though. I only helped in testing it, really,” Qifrey laughed, surprised by how easy it felt. To laugh.
“Oh, come on, yer just being humble. Don’t be too hard on yourself, O great witch Qifrey,” Olruggio smirked, a glint in his eyes when he locked eyes with Qifrey for a second, something unspoken yet genuine in his gaze. Warmth.
“It’s not too cold here, is it? Do you need more blankets? I can go ask for some,” Qifrey asked the girls, expertly changing the subject.
“No, we’re okay,” Tetia yawned contently, “We’ve all got our snugstones to keep us warm, thanks to Professor Olly.”
“I told you not to call–” Olruggio started, but cut himself off with a defeated sigh. “Fine, alright. Good. Whatever.”
“Right, then,” Qifrey hummed, “Good night, girls. Sleep tight, don’t let the brushbugs bite~”
“They wouldn’t! Would you, buddy?” Richeh protested, lifting up the brushbuddy in her small hands, locking eyes with it. There were no thoughts behind those eyes.
“Of course, you’re right, Richeh. But hurry on to sleep now. Our trip will resume tomorrow and I need you all to be well-rested, alright? That goes for you too, Coco, Agott.”
“Yes, Professor Qifrey,” they mumbled in unison, sharing secret smiles.
After closing the door to their bedroom, Olruggio insisted that they should grab a drink downstairs before heading to bed, too. Qifrey couldn’t argue with that. They got some mulled wine from the bar and sat at a small table by the hearth, talking about trivialities like the weather and plans for the rest of their trip. Both of them were too tired to talk about heavier subjects like the uncertainties looming over the horizon and the unveiled truths, so in the end, they just enjoyed the warmth of the wine and the fire, despite the unspoken things pricking at their hearts.
A few glasses later, they finally went to their room, not having wanted to inconvenience the owner too much by asking for three separate rooms. An unspoken agreement between them stated that it was okay. It was just for one night.
Olruggio, exhausted and tipsy, flopped onto the bed at his earliest convenience, and Qifrey watched his hazy figure in the dim light of the bedroom, wondering how Olruggio found it so easy to turn his back to Qifrey, despite the betrayal he had confessed. Letting his guard down so easily. His hand hovered over his hat at Olruggio lay there, perfectly trusting, but retreated it close to his chest, cursing at himself for even considering it. It wouldn’t keep the peace; all it did was prolong the inevitable. When it came crashing down, he at least wanted the comfort of a snugstone given to him. He wanted to hold onto it so tight his fingers would hurt. Maybe it was enough. Maybe all he needed to do was hold it close to him.
“Just a moment, Olly, I need to use the washroom,” Qifrey told his friend and grabbed his quire, to which Olruggio just mumbled a vague ‘mm’ into the sheets.
He really was a lightweight. Qifrey shouldn’t let him drink too much.
Tucking the quire into his pocket, he went back downstairs. He chatted with the innkeeper, Mariya she was called, thanking her for her hospitality while she was having a late dinner with her wife, the co-owner of the inn. After he was finished with the pleasantries, he left the owners to enjoy their dinner in peace as he stepped closer to the crackling fire in the hearth, ripping the memory-erasing spell from his quire and throwing it into the fire, watching it burn and turn to ashes.
Maybe this is enough, he thought as he stood up once more, making his way back to Olruggio. The snugstone would keep him warm for the night.