Archive of Our Own

The first time Taerae called Matthew jagiya, it slipped out when he was tired and maybe just a little tipsy. It was shortly after he confessed his feelings through his self-written song.

It was near the end of 2023, and the air was pretty cold. The group just came back from practice, showered two at a time, and then decided to eat together in the living room. They played some random YouTube videos on the TV, but none of them were really paying any attention, mostly talking between one another.

Saying that Taerae was physically tired from the long day was an understatement– he felt like he could fall asleep at any second.

He usually could hold his alcohol pretty decently, though he wasn't a fan of drinking per se; but with the exhaustion it got to him more easily.

Most of the members seemed to start dozing off as well: Hanbin and Zhang Hao sitting on the ground in front of the couch, resting together with their hands intertwined, Jiwoong next to them with his head back laying on Gunwook’s legs who was sitting with Gyuvin and Yujin on that couch (basically on a puppy pile), Ricky sprawling comfortably on the single sofa on the right side.

Taerae was on the sofa on the left side, with Matthew sitting on the ground between his legs.

Everyone was in a semi-circle around the small table (the company didn't want to waste more than a couch and two sofas, apparently).

It felt like an oddly familiar scene, one he often found himself in back when he was just a trainee with his WakeOne labelmates, and even during Boys Planet: practicing every day until way too late yet still not wanting to depart with his friends, the air comforting enough to doze off after eating together and filling their stomachs.

Now in ZeroBaseOne, Taerae, Matthew and Ricky were probably the most awake in the room, though not by much. It was actually surprising that Matthew was awake at all, since he usually fell asleep by midnight, as if he was princess a real life Cinderella.

Since Matthew was the closest to him, Taerae asked him if he could pass the glass from the table.

Matthew nodded and complied, not even arguing back by telling Taerae to take it himself (maybe if he extended his arm long enough, he could have, but he was feeling too lazy and tired from practice to do that). Perhaps both of them were tired that day.

Once he successfully took a hold of the glass, Taerae gratefully petted Matthew’s messy head, as if he was a cute puppy.

“Thank you, jagiya.” He praised his friend without thinking twice.

Taerae’s sleepy, slightly tipsy (but not too much) head, could not process exactly the word that came out from his mouth.

But apparently, much to his confusion, everyone else had.

Matthew turned around to look at him with a curious expression on his face. He didn't seem displeased, just… curious. He tilted his head cutely and Taerae could not help but think about how much he looked like a puppy again. Could anyone blame him?

Ricky, on the other side of the room, raised his eyebrow, entertained by the situation. Even Hanbin and Zhang Hao turned to the side to check on them, looking quite intrigued.

Jesus, what is so shocking to wake them up when they were about to doze off? 

“What?” Taerae asked, confused.

“Jagiya?” Ricky repeated the word, head tilted, an entertained smile on his face.

He looked at Taerae like he was his new favorite drama on Netflix, which kind of freaked him out a little.

“Yeah, Taerae-ssi. Since when is Matthew your jagiya?” Zhang Hao asked, grinning.

After a beat or two, definitely taking longer than it should have due to his slightly alcohol-induced foggy mind, Taerae finally caught up. His eyes widened in embarrassment. 

He came up with the first excuse that his mind gave him, which was not actually that far from the truth, if he convinced himself enough.

“It’s just a thing we say between friends!” He protested, praying that the badly litten room did not show how red his ears, face and neck were turning.

Taerae could not half-ass anything: his whole upper body blushed whenever he was embarrassed, which only made him turn even more red.

He wasn't completely lying though.

He used that pet name in the same way and in the same tone he had called (Park) Hanbin, Woongki or Seowon in similar comfortable nights in the past.

However, he had never used it with any of the members, let alone Matthew, who was very much not just a friend in his heart (though he kept the last part for himself).

Zhang Hao smirked, amused. He was clearly not convinced, but Taerae’s attention was caught by Matthew’s body turning to him. His arms were crossed on Taerae’s legs and his head rested on top of them.

He was looking up at Taerae with big, wide eyes and a huge pout, batting his eyelashes.

Taerae wanted to die right there. What did he do to deserve all of this?

“Is that all we are then, jagiya?” 

Taerae was honestly surprised that question didn't making combust in million pieces, disappearing into thin air. He could've been proud of himself if he wasn't just slightly panicking.

But still– the tone of his best friend was whiny, clearly asking the question in a joking manner.

Even in an unfamiliar situation, one that could've made Matthew uncomfortable, he still looked out for him, he still checked on him.

He was giving him a way out of the situation, and Taerae was grateful, despite all. He would take whatever bone was thrown at him.

Taerae put his glass on the corner of the chair, and then held Matthew’s face in his hands, actually managing to surprise the other boy for once. He leaned a little closer, staring at him right in the eyes.

Taerae just had to pretend it was all a little flirty joke, act like it was their usual thing. It could have been weird if it was anyone else but with Matthew, somehow it barely ever was.

“Sorry jagiya, I thought you wanted to keep it a secret between us. Then am I allowed to kiss you in front of others now?”

He made kissy lips to Matthew, leaning even closer, maybe a little too much, now able to see every single light in his friend’s eyes.

Taerae could faintly hear Ricky giggle in the background, joined by Hanbin, while Zhang Hao gasped dramatically.

Matthew couldn't hold it in anymore, he pushed him away to burst in laughter together with the others, the tips of his ears adorably red (not that Taerae could see them though, too busy as he was genuinely laughing as well).

The joke was fine, it all went exactly as he hoped for. The noise however, accidentally ended up waking the members that fell asleep around them.

Matthew turned back to the others and with Zhang Hao, Hanbin, Taerae and Ricky they all apologized. The leader then ordered them that they should all go to sleep on their own beds at that point of the night anyway.

After cleaning enough to not regret it in the morning (throwing the bottles and the takeout in the bin), and drinking one more glass of water, Taerae felt sobered up enough, though still exhausted.

The night overall ended on a happy note, but he still wondered if maybe the pet name was too much. Matthew didn't have an apparent negative reaction to it, but he might have just pretended to not make things awkward between them. m

Taerae wished he could just read his friend’s goddamn mind.

He played with his own hands, fingers nervously circling around.

It was okay. It was fine.

A pet name was probably less incriminating of his not-so-friend-like feelings than the song he wrote for him, anyway. Definitely.

Things haven't changed between them after that anyway: they both acted like nothing happened. Truth to be told, he wasn't even sure if the message came across completely, but he tried his best to do so.

That was okay for Taerae regardless; he would take a playful and sometimes flirty friendship with Matthew over no relationship at all any day.

Neither of them would probably use the pet name again, so there was no point in stressing about it. It was just a little joke made on a drinking night. It was.

Taerae sighed as he started walking toward his and Hanbin’s room, but Matthew appeared from thin air and stopped him in the hallway, grabbing his hand

Speak of the devil.

Matthew had a little sparkle in eyes, even in the late hours of the night.

Or maybe that was just Taerae’s lovesick vision for Matthew.

Ugh. Disgusting.

“Sleep well, jagiya. Dream of me.”

His best friend squeezed his hand, almost comfortingly so, then sent him a flying kiss with the other. Taerae, in a daze, took it to release it in his cheek, making Matthew giggle.

Another joke, but this time with no public to hear it.

Taerae was sober enough that his heart pounded incredibly fast through the whole exchange, even after Matthew walked away and closed the door behind him.

If he came out of the room at any minute, Taerae wouldn't even know how to explain why he was still standing there, too dumbfounded to move.

Taerae didn't manage to get much sleep that night, even with the exhaustion all over his body.

He wondered if that might not be the end of the pet name.

The clock hit 3AM the last time he checked it, when he decided that it didn't matter anyway, as long as Matthew was fine and held his hands through it all regardless.

The first time Taerae called Matthew honey, was once again, in a joking manner. Actually, he wasn't even exactly addressing Matthew either.

It was the start of 2024, they were flying from one country to the other, and as it sometimes went when they were not in Seoul, Matthew and Taerae ended up rooming together.

It was comfortable: they fit together quite nicely, the two of them. Taerae was happy to have him as roommate, whenever the chance arose. 

Back in the dorms he stayed with Hanbin, who was actually more often than not in Zhang Hao's room (Taerae didn't really mind; he got to play games until late at night without being scolded by the leader).

It was nice to have a same-age friend that stayed in their shared space, ate with him at the same time, could freely talk to without restrictions, and also be able to mind their own business in a comfortable silence.

It was incredible how well they found out they fit together as roommates, even if they barely got any chance to experience it and were still opposites on many other things. 

Even with different sleeping schedules, Matthew learnt to be quiet when Taerae was asleep, walking on his tiptoes and using his earphones, and Taerae did the same exact thing for his best friend. It was as perfect as it could ever be.

Taerae was resting on the bed after rehearsals, scrolling on Twitter while wearing his pajamas (he didn't wear it often, most often than not just a pair of shorts, but it was quite cold still), comfortable under the blanket.

He wanted to get up and pick up food, as his stomach started to growl, but he was too lazy to get up from the bed. It was warm, comfortable, and so damn cozy. Hotel beds were just too good.

He was still contemplating what to do when the door opened, and Matthew walked in with a huge smile and– two bags with food?

“I’m back!”

Taerae set his phone aside to look at the owner of the voice, but his interest actually picked by the smell.

Oh, Matthew was just the dream roommate.

“Welcome home, honey.” Taerae said the last word in English, because why not? They weren't even in Korea, and he needed to practice foreign languages.

(Though in what context he would ever need to use “honey”, that was not relevant).

He liked to communicate with Matthew in his language when he could, to connect better and also tease him more, truth to be told. Mostly the bonding part, he swore!

All Taerae could actually think at that moment was the food inside the bag though, his mouth watering already and stomach jumping in joy.

Matthew also looked like a cool actor from a movie, coming back home to his husband. His honey.

Taerae thought the pet name was quite the good fit.

On the other hand, Matthew stopped on his track, stunned. After a second of analyzing the situation, he squinted his eyes, suspicious.

“Are you talking to me or the food? I feel like you're talking to the food. Or are you talking to me like that because of the food?”

Taerae laughed loudly, his hand covering his mouth.

“Don’t ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to, jagiya.”

Matthew huffed as he set the bags on the table, then did exactly what Taerae expected him to do: he jumped on Taerae’s bed to tackle him.

“I feel like you only like me because I'm useful and I feed you. That is not how you should treat your best friend.”

Taerae couldn't help but keep squeaking, both because of the tickles and the absurd sentence.

Best friend? Am I allowed as a best friend to love you when you wake up, to love you when you drink coffee in the morning, to love you when you come back from the gym and your hair is all messy, to love you when you're on the stage and shine the brightest among everyone else. To love how hard you try, to love how capable you are in everything, to love when you cook even if you fail at it, to love that you're love itself. How could I not like you?

Taerae didn't say any of that. He just smiled internally because loving Matthew was nothing but the easiest thing in the world, and he had been happy with him since he realized it.

Even if Matthew didn't love him the same way, even if all they did was a little flirting as a joke, Matthew still loved him back, Taerae was certain of it.

“Get the fuck off me before I eat you instead of the food.”

Still, Taerae wasn't going to show any of that (at least, not right there).

Instead, he threatened and joked around, and then grinned satisfied when Matthew’s ears turned a light shade of pink. Taerae used his chance to push him away and run to the take out boxes, with his friend whining while still sitting on the bed.

“Taerae-ya! You're a dirty player. I'm not forgiving you this time.”

Matthew pouted, crossing his arms and deflating.

Taerae rolled his eyes fondly at the theatrics, and then of course walked back to the bed, took Matthew’s arm and forced him to get up and sit at the table to eat together.

Matthew complied, though still with a pout.

“I’m sorry, honey. I'll give you the first bite, okay? Forgive me, please?” Taerae held the chopsticks in front of him, as a peace offering.

Taerae thought it wouldn't work, that it wouldn't be enough and Matthew would have pouted some more, but Matthew instead stared at him again like he did that night in the dorm, with that same curious gaze.

Taerae was wearing a zipped up hoodie and his favorite pair of pajamas pants, but he felt suddenly more exposed, like he wasn't wearing any clothes at all.

What’s going on through his head? What is he thinking about, to stare at me like that?

“I’ll accept your apology only if you feed me, honey.” 

Matthew finally talked again, with a big grin appearing on his face. Taerae tried to pretend that his heart didn't jump backward.

Taerae believed himself to be someone logical and sometimes anxious. He thought about things and scenarios over and over again but somehow, still kept accidentally slipping out around Matthew. His defenses crushed down long ago, attacking without thinking and only to get backfired every time (calling pet names and then getting called pet names back).

He sighed and shook his head, acting defeated.

“Seok Matthew, you're lost cause. That will happen only in your dreams.” 

Taerae proceeded to take his own sticks to eat the takeout, without waiting any longer. He was happy to play around but he was still so damn hungry.

Matthew didn't dignify him with a response and instead started eating too, but more slowly, still busy looking at him.

“The real face can't compare to the one in my dreams, though. You're really sexy when you eat, did I ever tell you that?” 

Taerae almost choked on his food, and immediately denied by shaking his hand.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Taerae was pretty sure that he ate like any other normal person, as far as he was aware of. And yes, Matthew did say that before, in camp zerobaseone.

But they were in front of cameras back then, not alone in a room, once again, without a public to play a part in front of.

“I’m serious!”

Matthew re-stated, and imitated the way Taerae held the sticks with one hand and opened the can with the other. Matthew managed to do it perfectly in the first attempt, which made him smile satisfied.

“That's why I'm your honey, and you're mine. We fit so well together!”

Matthew cheered happily then proceeded to finally, finally focus on his plate and stop staring at Taerae.

Good, because Taerae's face was completely red (which had nothing to do with the spiciness of the sauces at all, though he would blame it on that if asked) and Matthew did not need to see it.

The pet names were perhaps starting to become a problem, if not at least for his heart. He needed to fight back. 

One day. Not that day, though.

He would enjoy and play with them a little more.

The first time they called each other jagiya in front of the cameras, they were actually live.

It was impossible to cut off, just like it was impossible to just refrain from using the pet name: they were too used to saying it already. 

“Jagiya, will you please shower before sitting on my bed with your dirty clothes?” accompanied by Taerae's unhinged horror game character like smile.

“Jagiya, please stop playing the guitar until late at night, I can't sleep,” asked with a big pout and battling eyelashes, that somehow always worked.

“I am not sure if your pancakes are a torture or if you're somehow not doing it on purpose, jagiya.”

They were mostly ironic, just to make it more dramatic, funnier.

It started as a joke, but one used so often that the line with reality started to become quite blurred. Not even the other members raised an eyebrow at them anymore.

It wasn't a big deal, anyway. Just a pet name, nothing more, nothing less. Taerae wasn't even sure why he was that worried about it in the beginning.

It just slipped as part of the conversation while playing the gaming live on Youtube and if some fans picked up on it and got surprised, well, it wasn't any of their business.

(Still, Taerae couldn't lie by saying that it wasn't just a little funny to see the reactions online, later on).

As long as Matthew kept calling him jagiya, Taerae was more than happy. He was.

In the back of his head however, he did wonder how much he could play with fire. How high the stakes could go.

Matthew was already used to jagiya and honey, so Taerae wondered how many pet names he could play up without Matthew not only accepting them, but doubling it down too.

Matthew was so easy to love, yet so frustrating sometimes. He had a tendency to just match the energy of whoever he was with, including Taerae’s.

It was a very thin line they walked in, one that Taerae sometimes tried to shake by doing something like writing a song for Matthew, or pretending to kiss him, or complaining on bubble about Matthew not looking at him during a performance, or using pet names.

Taerae even went as far as letting Matthew touch him and hold him when he mostly never let any of the other older members do it. Like c'mon!

Yet it just seemed to not get through Matthew’s thick skull that what Taerae was doing, was very much not best friend behavior.

It wasn't like Taerae had any concrete plan to sweep Matthew off his feet, though. They were idols, they were busy, and that was not Taerae's priority.

But if sometimes he let his own heart bleed so openly and let his love be acted out more clearly for everyone (and Matthew) to see, then why should anyone say anything about it? It made him happy, and it seemed to make Matthew happy too.

That was, however, all background thought in the depth of his mind. Taerae would think about it over and over again once the live was over, as he usually did.

The first time Taerae called Matthew sweetheart, he was actually busy playing PUBG with Gunwook.

The scenario wasn't out of the norm: a rare free evening without schedules, spent playing games as much as Taerae wanted (not that he ever had problems playing even when he was busy though. Just sacrifice some sleep there and here).

His teammates were usually Gunwook, Yujin and Jiwoong. Sometimes they rotated as not everyone was always available, other times they actually managed to all play together.

Taerae was in the middle of a game with Gunwook, only fifteen people left to defeat in the game, when he heard someone knock the door.

And of course, Taerae ignored it.

He was not a professional if he could get distracted by something simple as a knock.

However, who was behind the door clearly did not understand that. They knocked again, this time with more energy.

Gunwook turned around to raise his eyebrow at Taerae, indirectly asking him to get up.

To put it simply, Gunwook was too nice to allow any of their members get ignored, yet too much into the game to be the one to get up.

As if Taerae wasn't in the same exact situation!

Taerae sighed loudly, to make clear how much of a bother it was, and rolled his eyes before finally getting up from the chair and going to open the door.

With his right arm up as if he was ready to knock again, Matthew stood in front of him.

Taerae quickly scanned him: Matthew was wearing nothing except a black top and some pajama pants, holding his phone and the keys to his own flat.

His best friend looked at him sheepishly, with a smile and big eyes, batting his eyelashes and looking cute even in that revealing outfit and- fuck. No Taerae! Stay focused and go back to PUBG.

“We’re in the middle of a game right now,” he explained apologetically.

Matthew in response pouted, his arms now crossed, looking way too adorable for a man as grown as he was.

“But everyone is out and I'm alone on my floor!” He pleaded, and Taerae could  already feel that his resolution was starting to fall.

May pretty boys all around the world (or just the one in front of him) be damned for ruining his PUBG ranking (but also not seriously).

“Please?”

Taerae sighed for the second time that night, but he opened the door further.

“As soon as we finish this game, okay?”

“Which might end sooner than you think if you don't fucking move!” Gunwook half yelled, slightly panicking.

He was protecting Taerae’s character AFK body when there were so few enemies left. He might just get up and beat Taerae up with his giant hands if he didn't move.

Taerae stared at Gunwook and the screen, trying to ignore the big, pleading eyes and the pretty face and plump limps and- oh god.

He took a deep breath to shoo away his own thoughts and fluttering heart, then he looked back at the door.

Taerae quickly petted Matthew’s hair, a little bit awkwardly but still affectionate, with Matthew still pouting and staring at him.

“Wait a couple of minutes for me please, sweetheart? You can sit in my bed meanwhile.”

Taerae asked, almost as a plea. He briefly held Matthew’s face in his hands, not that seriously, just as a joke maybe!

Matthew, surprisingly, didn't have anything to answer. Taerae looked at him only for a second more, barely registering the pink tips of Matthew's ears and his flushed face, his eyes somehow even bigger than before, before Gunwook interrupted.

“Yuck! You guys are gross. Can you play now and back me up before I throw up and we lose or…?”

Matthew hurried inside the room, making Taerae hold on nothing but air, and sat on the bed (matt-ress as Taerae joked once). Taerae followed suit to sit on his gaming chair instead.

He looked at the screen and somehow, even after all of that, he was still alive (definitely thanks to Gunwook). As he was about to put his headphones back on, he heard Matthew's muffled voice, complaining.

“You and your stupid weapons that you use against me.”

Weapons? What weapons is he talking about?

“Hyung! Are you still not focused?” 

“Sorry Gunwookie, I am. We can still win this one, don't worry.”

Gunwook grinned at him, and Taerae smiled back. He could feel Matthew's stare on them, but he did his best to turn off every thought in his mind except the match.

Taerae really didn't want Gunwook to refuse playing with him for weeks. Which for the record, already happened in the past (he was eating while in game and accidentally ruined Gunwook’s keyboard. He was sorry, it was an incident! But apologising wasn't enough) and he didn't want to repeat it.

Once the game was done, and somehow their team miraculously still managed to win, Taerae and Gunwook high fived each other, enthusiastic to have kept their rank.

Matthew was suspiciously silent the whole time, and Gunwook came up with an idea 

“Mashu-hyung! We can all play together now!”

Matthew eyed him interested at the same time that Taerae firmly shook his head.

“Matthew is not good as PUBG. I am not going to lose my rank.”

“But I can try! I'm not horrible, you know.” Matthew intercepted.

Taerae crossed his arms, not allowing it.

“Is this what you planned to do when you came to our room?”

“Well not exactly but-”

“Then how about a movie?” Taerae stopped Matthew in his tracks. “Do you guys want to watch the new Marvel one?”

Taerae was, of course, not surprised by the enthusiastic nods of Matthew and Gunwook. That was easier than he thought.

Well, he couldn't really expect anything less from the nerd club (that he was part of as well).

Taerae turned on his phone to search cinemas nearby with their respective airing times and prices like the perfect planner he was, while Gunwook went to the kitchen to get some snacks and drinks to put in a backpack.

Taerae was so engrossed on his phone that he didn't realize until the last second Matthew creeping on him, standing now behind the chair and looking over his phone.

“What are you looking for, sweetheart?” he asked, with an innocent smile on his face.

Taerae was forced to look him up from that angle, which felt quite odd, not something he was used to (despite what Matthew said, Taerae is taller than him).

“I know a good cinema around here, we can sneak in any food.”

“We can sneak food in any cinema.” Taerae immediately retorted.

Anything to not let himself be affected by the pet name, the one that he specifically said first, but felt very different when said by Matthew. Ugh. 

Matthew rolled his eyes, though a smile sneaked up on his face.

“You never let me have anything.”

“I stopped my gaming session for you.” Taerae replied, without thinking about it twice.

It was true, but he wasn't sure if he should've said that out loud. He sort of regretted it. It was too much.

Matthew raises an eyebrow, the smile getting wider, more genuine.

“How romantic of you, my jagiya.”

It probably was, more than Taerae wanted to slip in. His face was starting to turn into an embarrassing shade of pink.

Before he could reply, or maybe take what he said back, the door opened again.

Gunwook came in with a backpack full of snacks (and cucumbers? He didn't dare to ask any questions), a huge cute puppy grin on his face.

“Are we ready to go?” 

Matthew and Taerae both smiled at the younger, influenced by his excitement at the movie.

Any thoughts about what just happened momentarily forgotten.

The first time Taerae called Matthew wife it was over lunch, and it didn't completely slip out. Maybe it was deliberate, or maybe, just maybe, it was out of feelings.

They finally had a free day in their schedule but Taerae spent the morning practicing, trying to get the choreography down perfectly. He was just never satisfied until he could be the best version of himself.

Hanbin and Yujin were also practicing, Matthew went to the gym, Jiwoong went to read some books at the library, Gunwook, Gyuvin and Ricky went out to play basketball. 

So when Taerae came back to the dorms, before the others, for just a quick break, he thought it would be empty. He was ready to throw his bag away in some corner of his room and order takeaway, chilling on the bed during the wait.

Instead, he was pleasantly surprised to be welcomed by the delicious smell of homemade food, piquing his curiosity.

He walked straight to the kitchen without even changing clothes, hunger getting the best of him.

“Welcome back, honey.”

Matthew turned his face around just enough to smile at him, then went back to his cooking, humming to their new song.

Taerae could not help but grin at the familiar pet name.

“You’re just in time. Set up the table, the food is almost ready. I don't know if anyone else is coming back for lunch, though. I probably made too much so I hope you're hungry.”  Matthew explained to him briefly.

Years as a trainee made Taerae realize that a roommate that could cook was more valuable than gold itself, and that all the others must just follow what they said like soldiers.

Taerae usually did listen, or tried to, unless the chef in question was Matthew.

He squinted his eyes, trying to figure out what his friend was cooking from the other side of the kitchen, but with no results.

Taerae was honestly quite tired from practice, so for once he just gave up the charade and decided to follow the instructions given by Matthew. It couldn't have been completely inedible anyway.

Hopefully.

Well. At least the smell wasn't half bad.

Once Taerae finished setting up the table, he decided to sit down on the chair and stare at Matthew while he waited.

Matthew was wearing a black tank top that had seen better days but that showed his muscles and tattoos in all his glory (what a show off!), shorts that left little to imagination and that had Taerae stare at them a bit longer than he should have, and, most importantly, a very bright pink apron.

The same pink apron Matthew was gifted by a fan at a fansign the day before, and made half of the fans go a little insane on Twitter.

Taerae just barely managed to stop himself from breaking in giggles.

“What the heck are you wearing?”

“High fashion kitchen couture summer twenty-twenty four line, you wouldn't understand.” Matthew deadpanned, then stuck his tongue out cheekily for good measure.

Taerae rolled his eyes, ready for a comeback, but the timer went off cutting him short.

Matthew hummed satisfied,  then turned off the fire and started working on serving. As the good friend he was, Taerae got up to help him with it.

The food turned out to be a typical Korean lunch, something that they haven't eaten in a while, and that Matthew's grandmother taught him.

They all usually ordered takeaway, healthy enough that the company approved it, but definitely not the same as something home-made or that heartfelt. 

This was different. Matthew went all out while the rest of the members were busy, making something nice they could come back home to.

It wasn't for Taerae directly, probably, though Matthew did cook for some unknown reason on the floor with Taerae, Gunwook and Yujin, and not his own.

Regardless, Taerae was still going to be the only one that would get to enjoy it with him, for a little bit longer, before the rest would come back.

Taerae watched Matthew serve a portion of rice only for himself.

Taerae wasn't sure if it was done unconsciously or if he did it on purpose because he knew Taerae didn't like rice. Matthew just often paid attention to little things like that.

It could have been the first option, but knowing how considerate Matthew always was with everyone, with him, Taerae wouldn't be too surprised if it was the second one.

He wished he could stop the silly smile from appearing on his own face, but it was a pointless battle.

Everything felt quite domestic, in a way. Intimate.

“It will be your birthday week soon. You should eat up well, jagiya,” Matthew said, and then busied himself with his own food, seemingly peaceful (though a little bit hungry).

As if he just hadn't shaken Taerae’s own world upside down for probably the fiftieth time since they have known each other.

Matthew looked so comfortable in the space they have shared for so long, eating together as they often did. Taerae just stared blankly at him, a dozen different emotions going through his heart.

Matthew was keeping count of the days, unlike him. Matthew remembered the offhand comment Taerae made about how birthdays had never been a big thing in his life anyway and decided to do something about it.

Matthew seemed to keep all information about Taerae somewhere in a file in his head, safe to take out whenever needed. He decided to not go big, just cook a meal, maybe (back then Taerae still didn't know yet that another gift was coming through the mail), and take the matter of his health into his own hands.

Taerae wasn’t sure if the warmth in his belly was due to the food or the feelings in his way too fast beating heart.

He wondered if Matthew would do something like that again next year. And the year after. And five years since then as well. He hoped so, he so badly wanted it to happen, to spend the rest of his life with him, as scary as that sounded. To hold his hands and never let go.

Taerae couldn't help but do that, as soon as Matthew finished eating. The latter looked at him puzzled, but didn't let it go, just interlocked their fingers.

He was used to the familiar gesture.

He always held Taerae's hands back.

“Thank you for the food and for remembering my upcoming birthday. Thank you for always taking care of me, and thinking about me.” Taerae said earnestly, which wasn't a thing he did, at all. It was Matthew’s.

Taerae was blunt with his thoughts when it was needed and also when it wasn't, but he was also only able to process his own feelings through music.

Matthew complimented him, his voice, his talent. Matthew asked him to hang out, over and over again, when Taerae wasn't even sure if he fit in the group, wasn't even sure if he was enough. Matthew looked over at him after breakfast and thanked him for being in the group, a sweet smile on his face. Matthew held his hands back, sometimes reaching first, and listened attentively as Taerae opened his heart to him, every time. He was always there.

So Taerae just had to do the same, because Matthew simply deserved it.

Maybe he was starting to get influenced by his best friend’s earnestness, and how Matthew always kept his feelings on his sleeve.

Thinking about it, he definitely was.

Taerae was quite afraid of it at first, but it wasn't actually so bad. Not when Matthew looked at Taerae in wonder, a cute smile adorning his features, shining as brightly as the sunset itself.

Taerae just couldn't help but smile back, though both of their ears started to turn red at how long they just sat there holding hands and smiling. Taerae could feel his own shyness creeping in, and could see it on the other as well.

“Jagiya, if I had known I just needed to make you some food to open your heart for me, I would've done it so much sooner.” He joked, and Taerae rolled his eyes, sighing fondly at the bickering.

That was how it was always going to be between them, wasn't it? But it was perfect for Taerae. It always would be.

“My lovely wife, my heart has been yours since the beginning. As long as you don't feed me burnt pancakes, that is.”

Matthew laughed in disbelief, slapping Taerae’s arm with his free hand in the process.

The red in his ears started to spread to the neck as well, and Taerae followed it all with his eyes.

He wanted to kiss it, maybe. Definitely. Hopefully one day.

If it meant what he hoped it meant, that was.

The first time Taerae called Matthew wife in front of the cameras, it was during his birthday live, and he was absolutely not overthinking it.

It wasn't the first time he said it at all, or the second, or the third. Someone would argue that he started calling Matthew his wife a little too often in just a week. But how could anyone not grab the opportunity, after seeing the redness on Matthew’s ears, the smile on his face?

Taerae was maybe, just maybe, having a little too much fun with it.

Or at least, until Zhang Hao called Taerae into his room.

Taerae went immediately without wasting a second longer, not scared but kinda. His friend could be a little scary.

He walked inside the room to a grumpy, pouty Zhang Hao staring at him while crossing his arms.

“Taerae-ya, why did you not tell me anything about your recent development?” Zhang Hao asked, whiny.

What development? Taerae almost asked, just to be annoying; but he knew it was pointless.

Zhang Hao would just whine more and pout until he gave in, which Taerae almost never did actually.

But truth to be told, he needed a second opinion, so he let the cat out of the bag and told his friend everything.

Not like there was actually new or an actual development, though.

Most of the members tuned out whatever thing Taerae and Matthew were doing in front of the cameras, used to it since it was the same way they acted in the dorm. Actually, they behaved probably tamer outside than how they were at home.

After the first “jagiya” , the 02z duo didn't really get any shit or question for anything else. At most, sometimes there was an exasperated (fond) eye roll or two by some of the members that couldn't stand their never ending push and pull, if Taerae had to guess.

The only difference was, well… "wife".

Taerae did start to use it often, but usually when it was just them two: when Matthew went to their floor, and cooked something (he also had to carry it from his own kitchen, since the fridge in Taerae shared floor was empty) (Taerae actually just ordered some grocery, just to help a little bit), or when Taerae went to the other’s room and judged his nerdy collection (as if he didn't have one as well) (he just wanted to annoy Matthew a little bit), and so on. 

It just happened to slip out over dinner with the other members as well that night, though once again, most of them didn't even flinch.

Or at least, that was what Taerae believed. But to be fair, he was too engrossed in whatever he was talking about with Matthew to notice anyone else.

“So, are you together now?” 

Taerae almost choked, coughing loudly. Zhang Hao looked at him distraught, as if he was the deer caught in headlights by the question and not the other way around.

After a second to recompose himself, Zhang Hao patted Taerae on the back, though he didn't look particularly sorry or inclined to let the question go unanswered.

Matter of fact, he stayed completely silent, waiting not-so-patiently for Taerae to speak again.

“No, we're not.” Taerae admitted, with a defeated sigh.

“Ugh! Why the hell not?!” Zhang Hao blurted.

Taerae didn't really know what to answer that one. Yeah, why not??

“I'm about to lose my bet…” Zhang Hao muttered, looking on the ground, annoyed.

“You're what?”

“Nevermind.” Zhang Hao waved his hand in the air dismissively. “Let's go back to you. Did you ask him to go out with you?” 

“No.”

“Why?”

“You of all people are asking that?”

Zhang Hao, who made Hanbin chase after him through Boys Planet, refusing to be the first one to confess or to kiss, put his hands up in surrender. He could not argue back to that.

“Fair enough. Then you have to make him ask you out!”

“And how the hell am I supposed to do that, hyung?”

The room fell silent once again, both of them looking around as if the answer could pop out from under the bed.

When it seemed like neither of them could come up with anything, Taerae got almost jumpscared by Hao's loud voice.

“Claim him!” Hao exclaimed, excitedly, as if he came up with the brightest idea of the year. “Claim him publicly!” 

“Sorry, what?” 

“Better, claim Matthew on live. Tomorrow. Wakeone won't be able to stop you that way! Trust me.”

And trusted, Taerae had.

Though he was not sure he liked the grin on Zhang Hao's face when he proposed the idea. But he did it anyway.

Though “claiming” was probably not the right way to put it.

More like, show him off.

Yes, Taerae preferred calling it that.

Besides, Matthew gave him the perfect opportunity with his letter.

“Yes, it's a letter written by my wife, Matthew wife. Jagiya I'll play games diligently, ah I'll play games together with you. I'll go home quickly, jagiya.”

When Taerae went home after the live ended, all the other members hugged him one by one, not letting him escape their affections.

The birthday boy spent the night with them, playing games and then eating together his favorite food they ordered.

The members even bought him a cake, so he wouldn't be obligated to the one that he made in the live. He was so touched he almos treated up (but he didn't, of course).

The whole time they were celebrating, Taerae felt the piercing gaze of Matthew on his neck, giving him chills.

Taerae might, or not might have been, sitting a couple of members away from him. On purpose.

And clearly, Taerae was doing a very poor job at pretending that he wasn't avoiding direct confrontation, if the growing pout on Matthew's face was any indication.

Taerae couldn't have kept ignoring him forever, though. Not that he really wanted to.

A little bit after midnight, the group all said goodnight with one more “Happy birthday!” accompanied by even more hugs , then went straight to bed to get some rest before their early schedule.

All of them, but one.

Taerae was attempting to quickly walk to his floor when Matthew caught his wrist and pulled him along in his room instead.

Matthew man locked the door behind them, then crossed his arms in challenge.

“So, wife, uh? When did you get to claim me publicly?”

Taerae averted his gaze and tried to look at anything but his best friend, heart in his throat.

A couple of moments passed in silence.

It was the first time either of them actually addressed the pet names situation, as they usually just went with the flow. Whatever Taerae would come up with the moment, Matthew always matched in energy. That was how it always went.

Taerae wasn't sure how the conversation would go.

“Taerae-ya, I'm just joking. Look at me, please?” Matthew asked softly, but Taerae still didn't, staring at the floor and playing with hands instead.

He shouldn't have been nervous.

Matthew would probably think that it was a joke, one not meant to be taken seriously. Taerae will apologize and they'll move on.

It would be fine.

It would, if he convinced himself enough, instead of keep coming up with scenarios where everything would fall apart.

Was it the last straw? Did he go too far? Was he too much?

Matthew sighed, then took his hands with his own.

Despite the storm in his head, Taerae still interlocked their fingers, once again too used to the gesture.

It was grounding.

Unlike anyone else’s, Matthew’s touch always felt safe for him, comforting. A little like home.

“If your name doesn't work, what about calling you husband, then? Would you prefer that?”

Taerae’s eyes immediately shot up to look at Matthew, surprise evident in his face.

Did I hear that right?

Matthew smirked at the reaction.

“What?” Taerae asked, intelligently.

“Well, I'm your wife,” Matthew let go of their hands to touch Taerae’s collar, looking at him slightly from below, “who was waiting for his husband at home,” Matthew then unbuttoned the first button of the shirt, “am I not?” he asked, batting his eyelashes.

Taerae felt shivers run down his neck, and probably had stopped breathing about ten seconds earlier. That was not good for his heart, or his mind for the matter. He felt like he was short circuiting, error messages popping in front of me.

“That's what you implied during the live anyway.”

The older giggled, suddenly getting his hands off Taerae.

The whole thing felt like a bizarre out of experience body, especially considering Matthew was always too respectful of his space to touch him if Taerae didn't give him any signal, or held him first. It had started to change lately, though, as Taerae was getting more confident, more at ease.

Taerae looked down and saw Matthew’s hand slightly trembling, and the smile a bit shaky. His friend’s ears and neck were completely red.

Much like they have been every time they tried to cross the imaginary line between them.

Oh. Oh.

Taerae felt so stupid.

He was already feeling warmth all over his body, but this time for a whole different reason.

The overwhelming feeling made him do what both of them did best when it was getting too sentimental: argue back.

“Well you were the one that wrote about wanting to go on dates together and waiting for me!” Taerae attacked, pointing his finger right in Matthew’s chest, who couldn't help but scoff.

He took Taerae’s hand again and held it, before taking a deep breath and stare at him in the eyes.

“So? What do you answer to that, Taerae? Will you go to dates with me, and then get married? Though that part you already got in live, I guess. Or maybe we should start just as boyfriends, without skipping any steps, this time?”

Matthew smirked, his hands just a little more steady, his smile just a little more blinding.

“Took you long enough to ask.”

The first time Taerae called Matthew darling, they were lying down in bed, together.

“So pretty…”

Matthew kissed him oh so gently, taking his time to cover Taerae’s whole face, neck and hands. He was doing slowly and carefully, as if otherwise Taerae would break.

Taerae was pretty sure no one ever kissed him like that before, and in that moment, he hoped Matthew would be the last.

Taerae didn't think Matthew was serious when he said Taerae's body was his type earlier during the live but with each kiss, every thought started to drift away in his mind.

It slowly started to make him believe that maybe, just maybe, Matthew actually meant it (not that he would ever doubt his honesty- he just couldn't understand how anyone would think that way). 

It was getting late, and Taerae was actually sleepy for once as his body still hadn't recovered from being sick.

Part of him knew he should've pushed Matthew away to not risk him getting sick as well, but it was hard to do so when they barely had any chance to room together. Even less so when he was feeling weaker and needed that kind support.

He wanted to bask on it for once, without hiding what he really wanted.

Still, his rational side surprisingly managed to come back, when he noticed that Matthew was getting slower as well, most likely as tired as Taerae was.

“Jagiya, we should go to sleep.” 

Matthew hummed distracted, probably not registering his words.

He was still kissing Taerae’s neck, his hand on the other’s waist as if he belonged there (he did, Taerae didn't want it anywhere else).

“Honey, c’mon. I know you're tired too. We can continue tomorrow.”

Taerae could feel more than see Matthew pouting, stopping momentarily before he yawned. 

“No 'm not.” He answered petulantly, though his speech a bit slurry.

Matthew’s hands went under Taerae’s grey hoodie, accidentally tickling him and making him squeal in surprise. 

“Darling, please.” 

Matthew immediately stopped, looking up with big eyes, sleepiness almost gone.

Taerae could almost see imaginary puppy ears going up excited, and he let out another giggle.

Cute, ah, so cute.

“I guess you like when I call you pet names, mh?” 

His boyfriend looked away for a second, embarrassed, before staring at him back again.

“And you like calling me with those, so.”

“Touché. Now, please, let's sleep?”

Matthew sighed dramatically, before nodding and relaxing, getting more comfortable under the blankets, after Taerae gave him one last quick peck on the lips.

He still refused to let his arm move away from Taerae’s waist though, still hugging him.

It was nice to have Matthew next to him, all his. Taerae hoped they could keep on going like that for a long, long time. It didn't feel scary anymore, it felt right, now that he knew Matthew wanted the same exact future.

The first time Matthew called Taerae fiancée, the sunset had long set, and the moon made Matthew glow under the night lights (or at least that was what Taerae would tell everyone afterwards, over and over again).

It was September. They were in Italy which was still hot and with more tourists than either of them expected, but they had no other choice.

It wasn't their first vacation, nor it was going to be the last, but their schedules finally aligned to take long enough time off together, something that had not happened in a while.

Matthew had been wanting to go to the country since he was a teenager, and both of them had been wanting to go on a vacation together since their Zerobaseone days, so truly, it was not something completely unplanned (Taerae would never be able to go on an unplanned trip), however it was still a bit last minute.

They didn't stay in the same city, they moved around quite a bit: Rome, Florence, Venice (where they put a love padlock on Ponte dell’Accademia bridge, which Taerae found more disgustingly romantic than writing a song for his boyfriend before they were even together, but to which Matthew refused to let go), Milan, and finally Monza. Lake Como was going to be their last step of the holiday, before their departure back to Seoul.

Matthew thoroughly enjoyed the whole trip, though he would say that Milan was his least favorite. He barely saw any green, there were so very few grocery stores (which was the biggest crime of them all for him) and even if it was sunny at the airport, the closer they got to Milan the cloudier it got, almost as a curse. The rainy city just came off as quite sad and not very people friendly.

On the other hand, Rome was quite the dream. It was still full of tourists, which was not that great, but it allowed them to pass almost completely unnoticed, a luxury that they didn't get often. Rome was anonymous and full of life and history in ways he couldn't even begin to imagine. The earth itself where they walked on seemed warm and welcoming, though still as chaotic as most metropolises are.

Most importantly, he went to almost all the sites where JoJo anime scenes were animated, taking pictures and begging Taerae to be his personal photographer (which somehow, despite the many years as idol, he still was not the best at).

Their trip was romantic, a deserved and needed time to relax, instructive in all its history, but also really, perfect for a couple of nerds. 

Matthew had Rome for JoJo, together they had Florence for Assassin's Creed, Taerae had Monza for Formula 1; which was where they were staying at the moment.

They were sitting on the tables outside of a local Trattoria, finishing their dinner, when a street performer came in to play some songs. Most of the customers started to clap and sing along, probably still enthusiastic from Charles Lecleric’s victory the day before.

The young couple felt infected by the joy, Taerae especially still high from the win of his favorite racer; so Matthew got up from the table, carried Taerae with him to dance together, and laughed happily.

“Taerae-ya, c'mon! We'll look like those characters in the movies!”

Taerae tried to refuse at the first, but then he sighed fondly before accpeing. He could never say no to that pout, nor deny the giddiness he himself was feeling, so he danced along with his boyfriend. 

The other customers, tourists and locals alike, clapped for them as well, laughing and complimenting them on their dancing skills. Matthew felt like the luckiest man in the world, with Taerae right on his arms and a smile on both of their faces.

They gave a ten euro bill to the musician, who bowed gratefully and wished them a good rest of the night.

By the time they came back to the hotel it was already quite late, but the hype from the victory and the dance still hadn't completely worn off.

Matthew would say that it was the happiest he had ever seen Taerae, even more than when they debuted, but his boyfriend would have probably punched him (jokingly) for saying that.

Once they came back to their rooms they took off their shoes, but didn't change. Taerae immediately walked to the window, looking at the night view of the city.

"We can't see the racing track from here, but I dunno... the feeling of being this close just feels so good, Matthew-ya. Especially after that legendary Grand Prix." 

"Mh-mh."

"Don't you feel it too? The energy? Isn't it so beautiful?"

"It is." Matthew was looking at him, hearts in eyes, as cheesy as that was.

Sue him. He was a man in love.

Taerae finally looked back, a big smile in his face.

“You know, if I didn't become an idol I might have wanted to-”

“Become a formula one pilot?”

Matthew interrupted, walking next to him and holding his waist. Taerae looked at him surprised, to which Matthew rolled his eyes fondly.

“I know you.”

“You need to stop knowing me so well.” Taerae pouted, acting offended. He still leaned on the touch anyway though, resting his head on the other.

It took a while for Taerae to be that comfortable to openly show his affection for him, and it warmed Matthew's heart immensely.

“I don't think I do.” Matthew stated, a bit more serious.

He unwrapped himself from the side hug, taking a step back to look at Taerae in the eyes, who looking at him with a slightly confused expression.

“I never feel like I know enough of you, even if you offered me everything, even if it has been years and years since we met.” Matthew smiled sweetly, looking at Taerae in the eyes.

“Maybe I just want to keep knowing you, and see you change in a new version of yourself through time, and be there next to you while I change as well, like all humans do. Maybe I want to keep hearing your new songs, and listen to your singing get better and better even when I already thought you reached the best there ever was.”

Matthew got on one knee, and took a small box he kept hidden the whole time inside of his jacket.

He opened it and offered it to Taerae, showing a bright diamond ring inside of it.

“I think there are still many things we can learn about each other, that I really would like to find out, still.

"Will you allow me to know more about you, and marry me, Taerae?” 

Taerae, who for the first time Matthew had known him, stayed completely quiet until the end.

Matthew had learnt to read him well enough to know that the other’s mind was definitely not quiet. Taerae stared at him with his mouth open, and Matthew briefly relished on the feeling to finally able to leave him speechless (and not the other way around), for once.

“You- a ring! You have a ring!” 

“Well… yes?” Matthew tilted his head cutely, though genuinely confused. “I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to have a ring when I propose to you.”

“Get up! I have one too!” Taerae more or less screamed, turning around.

Get up?

Matthew would panic, if it wasn't for the wet eyes he saw on Taerae.

The younger frantically searched in their bags, opening every single one of them, until he finally found a jewelry box.

“My plane is ruined!” Taerae whined.  “Honey,  I was supposed to propose to you! You ruined my plan!”

Taerae dramatically fell down on the ground, slumped and lifeless, with a huge pout on his face.

It was something that Matthew barely ever saw, in their time together.

Somehow, he always had cute sides to show to him.

Matthew loved it, he loved it so much.

He should be offended, or at the very least worried, but he couldn't help the happy chuckles from escaping out from his mouth, which accidentally only made Taerae grunt displeased more.

“Jagiya- take a deep breath. It's okay, don't worry.”

He patted Taerae's hair, reassuringly. Taerae leaned his head back instinctually, comforted by the touch.

“You still haven't even responded to my proposal yet, though. Then we will move to yours, what do you think, sweetheart?”

Taerae looked at him from the ground, with their suitcases all cluttered on the ground opened, a complete mess left in the room. Matthew ignored everything to look at Taerae once again, a half delighted smile on his face. 

After a few seconds and some deep breathes, Taerae nodded.

“So, do you want to marry me, Taerae?” 

A shy smile finally appeared on his best friend’s face, red adorning his cheeks and neck.

Matthew wanted to kiss him stupid so badly.

“I do. I want to marry you, even if you are a propose plan ruiner.” Taerae suddenly grinned, putting his arm up in front of him.

Instead of Matthew getting up from the ground, holding Taerae’s hands like he originally imagined in his head, they ended up doing the opposite way, somehow.

Matthew would argue that things never went how they were supposed to go though, when the two of them were involved.

“You know, you called me wife before you called me boyfriend, and I called you husband before even proposing. Now I finally get to call you officially my fiancée, even if our steps got all messed up, mh?”  Matthew asked smugly, now more relaxed.

Taerae said yes. Nothing else mattered.

“It's funnier this way, fiancée. You also forgot that we moved in together before we were even friends, if that counts.”

“Mh.” Matthew just hummed, unable to resist kissing Taerae’s neck anymore.

“Do you not even want to hear about my proposal?”

Matthew kissed Taerae’s jaw, once, twice and three times over the line.

“Sure I do. I still won though.”

“You distracted me!” Taerae blurted, defending himself. “I should've answered no so that I could propose instead and win! You're insufferable!”

Matthew smiled as he kissed Taerae’s cheek, an entertained grin on his face.

“Maybe. But there are no take backs, I'm sorry.”

“I hate you.” Taerae whined.

Matthew kissed him on his lips, effectively shutting him up.

They would talk about it later. They always about anything together, completely comfortable with each other.

Right now, his hands were on his fiancée, who was sighing content by the kissing attack he was getting.

“I love you too.” 

Taerae smiled and held his waist, as he walked backward to the bed, somehow managing to avoid all the bags on the ground.

Matthew laid him carefully on the blankets, and Taerae held him by the neck to kiss him properly.

“I love you too, you know. More than you do.” 

Taerae whispered, during a break between their kisses. Mathew giggled happily, before leaving a quick peck.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, jagiya.”

Taerae’s proposal would've be on Lake Como. Their last step of the vacation, the climax of the whole trip. That was he told Matthew the morning after, when they were getting ready to pack and leave the hotel.

Taerae didn't want to propose too soon in Rome, when Matthew was excited about the JoJo references, nor in Monza, which was important to him but not to Matthew, so he didn't want to ruin it for him if he preferred another time and place.

His fiancée thought about it over and over again where the perfect place would be, he even asked Matthew’s sister and Sung Hanbin for suggestions, with everyone agreeing on Lake Como. They said it was definitely a romantic place, where a proposal would be perfect.

You think too much, Matthew told him, and kissed him on the temple after they got on the train to go to the last part of their trip.

Taerae did indeed think too much, but he was also equally stubborn.

In Lake Como, he proposed. It was even more romantic than they expected, and when Taerae teared up again, Matthew followed suit, as he always did.

They ended up having double rings.