Chapter Text
Last orders at the Woolpack. Aaron could feel Robert’s gaze on him. Knew he was looking. But he didn’t give him the satisfaction of meeting his eye. Sure, he’d caught a glimpse when he came in and joined Victoria at the bar. He was wearing a shirt he hadn’t seen before, his hair was a little messy, his leather jacket resting easily on his broad shoulders. He looked good. Hot as hell actually. But no, he wouldn’t look.
Robert focussed his attention back on his pint. Trying not to let the deep disappointment show on his face.
“What did you do?” Victoria sighed, glancing over at Aaron’s lonely form in the corner.
“Nothing”.
Victoria just looked at him and raised an eyebrow, waiting for the real answer.
“I messed up”.
“How?”
“Doesn’t matter”.
“Talk to him”.
“I’ve tried. It’s too late.”
Aaron could sense Victoria looking over now too. Knew he was the topic of conversation. He pretended to be absorbed in his phone but was acutely aware of Robert draining his glass and getting up. In two seconds he’d be at his table. Apologising again. Flashing that smile. His voice soft, asking if he’d come back to his. Talk. Aaron braced himself, it took a lot to resist. But Robert had to know he wouldn’t take any shit this time. He had to make a stand, didn’t he? Had to teach him that he needed a partner. Not some lying, cheating, manipulative, morally bankrupt fuck buddy. Crap. He’d thought about it. Again. He tried to force the memories away, but they only came back stronger. The barn, the hotel. Home Farm. Robert’s car. A flush of warmth swept over him as he remembered the feel of Robert’s hands, his mouth; hot and open and hungry, and his… Get a grip. Robert was close now. Aaron took a deep breath and finally looked. But this time he kept going. Straight out the door and didn’t look back.
Aaron stepped out of the pub into the chilly spring night. Regret twisting in his stomach. He’d asked for distance, and now he’d got it. Perhaps it was better this way. The trial was just around the corner. He had his mum, and Cain, and Paddy. Robert had been there when it counted, but he wasn’t alone now. Crap. Memories invaded again. Robert’s arm pulling him close at the scrap yard. Sleeping next to him on the floor. Standing under a tree and telling him they had a future… But Robert had given up on it now. He must have. He’d walked past without a second look. The lesson had backfired. Aaron wasn’t worth the hassle after all.
But there he was. Up the street a little. Frowning at the engine under the hood of his flashy motor. Jeans tight in all the right places as he reached over to fiddle with something. Aaron paused. Took him in appreciatively. Knew he should turn and run in the opposite direction.
“Need a hand?”
Robert was pleasantly surprised as Aaron joined him at his shoulder. His full attention on the engine as he studiously avoided Robert’s eye.
“Dodgy connection, it’s sorted”.
“Cool”.
“Thanks though”.
“No worries.”
Aaron wanted to say more, but he didn’t know how. He’d had the upper hand before, but now he felt lost. He bottled it.
“See you around then”.
“I know you’ll say no, but, fancy a drink?’ Robert blurted after him. Aaron stopped and looked back at him, finally looking Robert in the eye, his breath catching as he did so. He hadn’t given up.
“As mates or whatever”. He added almost shyly.
Aaron nodded and wordlessly got into the passenger seat. Covering his amazement, Robert got in beside him.
“What’s brought all this on?”
“Just drive will you?”
Robert put the car in gear and did what he was told.
“I really am sorry”.
The bar in town was quiet. In a dimly lit corner, Robert sat across from him, knees almost touching under the table.
“My mum pressured you, I get it. Ryan seemed like a good idea at the time”.
Robert held Aaron’s gaze, puzzled.
“So why am I still in the doghouse?”
Aaron sighed. Unsure how to explain, and unsure that they would ever work if he had to.
“Because of before.” Robert answered himself. “Cause of all the shit I put you through”.
“I guess”.
“And you remembered that you deserve better.”
Robert looked away, hurt hiding behind his blue eyes. “You’re right. You do.”
Aaron knew he should agree. But he couldn’t imagine better. Not at that moment. He ached to move forward and kiss him, but the wall he’d built was still standing firm. Robert shifted slightly. He felt the warmth of his leg press against his. The beer was making his head swim. Robert was close, hurting, wanting him. Aaron wanted him too.
“Maybe we should go back”, he gruffly managed to reply. Crap. When it came to building walls, he was the best.
Robert nodded. Moved his leg away. Reached for his car keys.
The air had a chill to it as they got into the car. Robert reached across and grabbed a bottle of water from the glovebox, arm brushing Aaron’s chest as he did so. Aaron tried not to savour it, but God he smelt good. Of skin, and aftershave, and the best sex he’d ever had. He fought hard to ignore the pulse of electricity from the slightest touch.
“Drink this, you’re hammered”.
“Hardly”.
But Aaron took the bottle all the same. He drank the cold liquid down, glad of an excuse not to talk.
The country roads were deserted and Robert put his foot down as always. Dark fields whizzed past and Aaron couldn’t help thinking it felt like they were the last two on earth. If they were, they’d still fuck it up, he thought, downing the last of the water. The silence was suddenly broken by Robert’s phone buzzing with a text. He took a hand off the wheel to casually glance at it, then put it back in his pocket without a word. In spite of everything, Aaron felt a stab of jealousy work its way up through his gut. He dug deep not to say anything, but the beer was in charge now.
“Who wants you this late?”
“No one”.
Everything clicked into place. Of course Robert wouldn’t wait. Of course there was someone else.
“Right”.
Aaron had no right to be bitter. He’d said he only wanted them to be mates. But the idea of him being more than that with anyone else hurt badly nevertheless. Sensing his tone, Robert sighed and chucked him the phone.
“It’s Vic actually. Hoping I’m out with you”.
Taken aback, Aaron looked at the screen, he wasn’t lying.
“Text her back will you? Just tell her to keep her nose out.”
Aaron texted back a quick message. He knew it was nothing but it felt strangely intimate. The kind of thing he’d do for his boyfriend. If he had one.
“There isn’t anyone else you know.”
“None of my business”.
Robert kept his eyes ahead, but looked torn, clearly trying to decide whether to tell him something. After a long pause he seemed to have made his mind up.
“There hasn’t been anyone at all. Since you”.
Incredulous Aaron looked across at him. Struggling to read his face.
“Get lost. You?”
“What’re you trying to say?”
“That you need it all the time. So much so, that one person isn’t usually enough”.
“I’m not saying it hasn’t been hard”, Robert admitted wryly. “But it’s the truth. And one person is enough for me by the way. Only problem is, he hates me”.
Aaron felt his stomach drop as Robert dared to glance over at him. How was he supposed to resist now? He suddenly felt the ins and outs of the last few weeks evaporate. He didn’t need the wall anymore. He just needed Robert. Right there. Right now. He didn’t care if his heart got ripped to pieces again. He didn’t even care if he never learned his lesson.
“Stop the car”.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything…”
“Pull over, here, now.”
Robert did as he was told again. The car came to the halt in a lay by. No streetlights. Just stars overhead, clouds racing across the sky in the wind. Aaron undid his seatbelt and instantly moved over, straddling Robert in his seat. Robert’s look of surprise was quickly replaced by a smile as Aaron adjusted his weight against him.
“I don’t hate you,” Aaron breathed as he met Robert’s mouth with his. Robert kissed him back slow and hard. After a moment he tenderly broke away, found Aaron’s hands with his own.
“I thought we were waiting?” He panted. Trying to recover himself a little.
“Got sick of it”, Aaron said, planting kisses down his neck, delighting in the response in Robert’s jeans underneath him.
“I don’t hate you. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Robert sighed. They melted into each other. Longing, and lust, and love.
Aaron’s wall was finally down. And it was everything.