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Buck enjoyed his parents being in his loft for about a day. After that … he was feeling caged up. He stumbled upstairs, his leg still not quite wanting to cooperate, and sat heavily on his bed so he could get his heart rate back down. Once it was, he grabbed some clothes and started his bath. He just needed, like, half an hour to himself to recalibrate or whatever. He turned an audiobook on on his phone as he sank into the water, glad that he was allowed to buy a new tub that his body could fit into. It felt really good, and the author’s voice was really soothing, so it wasn’t a surprise to him that he drifted off.
“Buck!” Maddie’s panicked voice shouted from somewhere in his loft, snapping him awake in an instant. He groaned and pulled the plug in the bath that had gotten pretty cooled off anyway. He dried off and put shorts on just as Maddie swung the door open on him. “Buck, what the hell are you doing?”
“Taking a bath.” Buck gestured to the tub that was still draining as he brushed past her to find a shirt since he’d somehow gotten two pairs of shorts instead. “I just wanted some time to myself, some quiet from the constant … hovering. Just for a minute, Mads.”
“How did you even get up here? You’re not supposed to be doing anything that gets your heart rate up.” Maddie said, still sounding slightly frantic. Buck took a deep breath and pulled his sister against his chest, hugging her as she wrapped her arms around him tightly.
“Hey. I’m ok. I took the stairs super slow and I sat down for a while once I got here. I didn’t mean to scare you. But I’m good, Mads.”
“Ok.” She nodded against his chest and backed away, grimacing at his scars that were on display. “I can help you put the cream on downstairs.”
“I’d appreciate that.” Buck gave her a small smile. “But maybe stay with me so I don’t eat shit? Going down is not the same as coming up.”
“Glad you’ve finally learned that lesson at least.” She chuckled. “How’s your leg doing?”
“ … not great.” Buck admitted quietly, gripping the banister as he eased down one step at a time.
“Mm.” She hummed, not saying anything else as he struggled to step down without his legs giving out entirely.
“Dumbass.” Eddie said fondly, rolling his eyes as he and Christopher came in, heading for the kitchen.
“You’re not supposed to be up there.” Chris sing-songed.
“Yeah, yeah.” Buck chuckled, wincing as his bad leg nearly gave out, making him stumble slightly. “Shit, we need to hurry this up, I feel a cramp coming on.”
“Come on, kid.” Bobby sighed disappointedly, taking Maddie’s place and helping him to a dining chair just as his leg seized up. Hen appeared, hands on his shoulders as Bobby held his leg to try and help lessen the cramping muscles.
“What’s happening?” Buck’s mom asked, walking in with his dad, looking shocked at what she was seeing.
“Pops-” Buck gasped as Bobby reached the nerve point. Eddie knelt down with Bobby and gripped Bucks hand, putting a warm compress right over Bobby’s fingers.
“There you go, Buckeroo.” Hen soothed, hands gently rubbing his shoulders where they rested, “breathe through it. We got you.”
“Feel like the bath was pointless now.” Buck rasped when it finally stopped cramping, grinning when his friends and family chuckled. He could already feel the light sheen of sweat coating everything again. “I gotta stand for a minute.”
“We know.” Chim, Hen, Eddie, Bobby, Christopher, and even Maddie retorted.
“Assholes.” Buck grumbled, letting Bobby and Hen help him up.
“Bucky said a bad word, dad!” Christopher crowed. “He owes the swear jar!”
“No, that only counts if I swear at home, not my loft.” Buck argued, sticking his tongue out. He grinned when Chris cracked up laughing.
“We brought it over.” Eddie smirked. “Christopher figured he could make some serious cash off of you while you were getting better.”
“That’s … colorful.” Buck’s mom said, looking at the swear jar with a slightly constipated look.
“Me and Chris decorated it.” Buck chuckled. “We didn’t have a lot of options so glitter glue, colored popsicle sticks, and puffy paint were what we went with.”
“Buck glued it to the table.” Chris said happily.
“Well, your dad-”
“Nope!” Eddie cut in. “We are talking about your failed crafts, not mine.”
“Fine. What are you guys all doing here, anyway? Not that I’m complaining, totally not, but curious what’s going on since you all usually take shifts babysitting me.” Buck stated, limping a little to the kitchen as he tried to stretch his leg a little more.
“What, uh, what happened? To your leg, I mean.” His dad asked, frowning at the scars that were clearly visible. “That wasn’t from the lightning.”
“No, that was from a ladder truck being blown up and landing on top of me.” Buck commented, grabbing a few juice pouches and tossing one to Chim for Jee; Chris’ landed on the table in front of him, and Buck just stuck his straw in his and leaned on the island as he stretched his leg some more. “Threeee? No, almost four years ago now, actually.”
“You never told us.” His mom said, a hand on her chest like she was going to be clutching her pearls any second.
“We weren’t exactly talking at the time.” Buck pointed out. “I called when I got back to the states, to let you know I was back in the country, but you never called back after my voicemail. Actually, you never called me back after I left a message telling you Maddie was hurt, either, but I at least know you called her about it, so that’s something.”
“Ok,” Hen said, interrupting for a moment, a fake smile on her face, “Christopher, why don’t we get a game going, huh? I’ll drag a chair over next to the recliner.”
“Game!” Jee cheered, rushing to the tv. Chris gave her a disappointed look, but got up and headed for the chair, setting up the game.
“Here,” Maddie said, grabbing the cream he needed for the scars on his chest now, but Eddie snatched it out of her hands. “Ok then.” She snorted.
“This is payback for doing it to you after you were shot, isn’t it?” Buck pouted.
“I will neither confirm nor deny that.” Eddie said, holding Buck’s shoulder steady with one hand and pressing the cream into his skin firmly yet gently. Buck still hissed as his nerves fired off in pain.
“You two really need to stop getting hurt in front of each other.” Chim stated, reaching into the fridge and grabbing a few drinks that Eddie had brought, passing Maddie one and setting one for Eddie on the counter. “Buck gets blown up, Eddie gets practically buried alive, Buck gets caught in that warehouse fire trying to save the final guy, Eddie gets shot, you both get kidnapped for most of a day, then Buck gets struck by lightning.”
“Not our fault.” Buck and Eddie retorted, but Buck was gritting his teeth and he had to stop Eddie’s hand for a second so he could breathe through the pain.
“Almost done, Buck.” Eddie said gently.
“Still fucking hurts.” Buck complained, letting out a final breath and letting go of Eddie’s wrist.
“You are definitely going to make Christopher a very rich man.” Eddie said with a small grin.
“Is your job always so dangerous?” His mom asked in a tight voice. One that indicated she was going to cry soon.
“No.” Everyone answered.
“Trouble just always seems to find Buck.” Bobby said with a pained smile that Buck gave him a thumbs up for, turning it into a real, albeit exasperated, smile.
“It’s fine, Eddie has my back.” Buck said unconcernedly. “He got hit by lightning, same as me, granted he wasn’t hit as directly.”
“No, and I’ve still got the bruises on my ass from being thrown off the rig.” Eddie grunted.
“Think I’d take the bruises right now. Fuck, man, are you done yet?” Buck hissed.
“All done.” Eddie smirked, the bastard. “Where is it?”
“Here.” Maddie handed him the sweatshirt. Eddie helped him slip it on before chasing him to a chair. Chim appeared to have choked on his beer as Buck passed him. He flipped him off, making him laugh more as he grabbed some paper towels to clean up his mess.
“Why-” Chim cleared his throat, “why are you wearing Eddie’s hoodie?”
“It’s softer.” Buck shrugged. “Plus Chris stole mine.”
“Buck, can you please just say whatever you’re going to say already?” Chris yelled over, looking annoyed at being left out. “I want to run a tally for how much you swear. See if we can outdo dad’s.”
“Yeah, alright buddy.” Buck chuckled. Eddie stood beside him, leaning so his hip was touching Buck’s shoulder, grounding him. He took a deep breath and let it out. Then he did it again and looked up at his parents. “Why you?”
“What?” His parents asked in confusion.
“I don’t know what was real and what wasn’t, I get that.” Buck said, licking his lips, “but in- in my coma dream, and tell me if it isn’t what happened, you two were there when I was taken off the ventilator. Why?”
“You’re our son.” His dad said, looking anxious about the memory of it. “Of course we were going to be there.”
“Yeah, no, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate you being there, I do. I think. What I meant was, how were you the ones allowed to make that call? You’re not my medical power of attorney, neither is Maddie.”
“I didn’t even think about that.” Maddie said, a little stricken.
“They didn’t ask.” His mom frowned. “But I suppose they should have. You’re not a child anymore. We didn’t even think about it. We’re your parents, though, why would you have someone else?”
“Bobby is my emergency point of contact.” Buck said carefully. “Has been since I started under him because I was required to put someone down and I didn’t know anyone here. I didn’t have anyone. So he’s still my primary emergency contact. I haven’t, uh, actually told my medical POA who it is. Crap.”
“It’s Eddie.” Chim said, shrugging when everyone looked at him. “What? Tell me I’m wrong?”
“You’re not.” Buck sighed. “Sorry I never said anything.”
“How long ago did you change it?” Eddie asked, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at him.
“Not as long as it took you to tell me about Chris. After the whole cursed bracelet thing. So only a few months.” Buck retorted. Chim didn’t really look surprised, neither did Hen or Bobby, though.
“That’s fair.” Eddie accepted, patting his shoulder.
“What about Chris?” Maddie asked curiously.
“I’m back-up dad.” Buck said, snickering when Eddie flicked his ear. “Nah, if anything happens to Eddie, Chris comes to me. So technically back-up dad, but nothing’s really gonna change with how we are together.”
“As long as you understand the difference.” Eddie grumbled.
“You gave your son to Evan?” Buck’s dad asked incredulously.
“Buck …” Eddie let out a heavy breath, “I wouldn’t have my son at all right now if it weren’t for him. He introduced me to the woman who helps me with getting him around physical therapy, psychologists, school, all of it. Even got us into his current fancy school because of certain allocations for disabled kids, veteran families, and first responder families. If he hadn’t helped, my parents would have come and taken him away. So. Because he jumped in and helped instead of just criticizing me like everyone else in my family, because he treats my son like his own person, and because Buck is who Chris would want anyway, it was a no-brainer.” Eddie shrugged.
“I knew you were working things out with your parents, so I didn’t even look through your file to see who you would want to make the decision for you.” Bobby admitted. “I also couldn’t think straight, let alone leave the hospital while you were in your coma.”
“Athena and May had to take shifts making sure he ate and slept.” Eddie said in an unimpressed voice, but he sucked in a breath and shook his head when Bobby raised an eyebrow at him. Buck tried to look between them but Eddie stayed firmly behind him where he could only see him in his peripheral vision.
“Eddie was as bad, maybe worse, than you were after he was shot.” Chim stated helpfully. “No, definitely worse, because Eddie was at least awake and talking to you everyday when it was him and he was out of surgery. You were in a coma for a week.”
“In Eddie’s defense-” Buck started.
“No, we are not devolving again. Continue with your original purpose, Buck.” Hen argued.
“Right, sorry.” Buck grinned sheepishly at her. “Look, the whole coma dream thing was sort of … eye opening, I guess. I apologized to you when Maddie was pregnant with Jee, when I saw you for the first time in a decade. And you never argued that I shouldn’t have. You moved on as if you were right, and obviously I should be the one to apologize. I am still sorry that you lost a son. But you spent my entire life resenting me for it. You only paid attention to me when I was hurt. And that … that affected me more deeply than I realized for way too long. I associated pain and hurt with affection and caring. If I was hurt, I got attention. Otherwise, I might as well have lived alone from practically ten until I left at 19. And before you ask, yes, I’m still in therapy about that because I’m still doing shit like that and realizing it afterwards. I take stupid risks and … I’m trying to get better at that whole thing; at understanding that I’m not expendable. There’s a lot for me to get past to have a relationship with you.”
“Then what were the few days before the- the,” his dad gestured as if saying lightning again would make it happen, “incident?”
“Fake it til you make it.” Buck answered easily. “Maddie wants a relationship with you. Both she and Chim want Jee-Yun to have all of her grandparents in her life. And I support that. I support you showering your oldest child and only granddaughter in all the love you have left to give. You loved Maddie first. Then Daniel. And it broke your hearts when he died. I understand that. But you have memories with Maddie before Daniel. All you have with me is after. If you want to get to know me, that’s fine. But Bobby’s been more of a father to me than my own.”
“Buck-” Bobby tried cutting in gently, but Buck gave him an unimpressed look.
“Who taught me how to tie a tie?” Buck asked pointedly. “Who taught me the importance of having actual goals in life? Who taught me how to have a functioning relationship with anyone? You did, pops.”
“It was pretty cute to witness.” Chim faux whispered. “Watching Bobby go dad-mode to teach him about ties.”
“Bobby taught me a lot, including how to cook. Not just for myself, but for my family.”
“He means Eddie and Chris.” Maddie added, getting in on the faux whispering.
“I’ve cooked for you too.” Buck argued.
“You have, and I appreciated it. Some brownies wouldn’t go amiss, though. Just, next time you’re up for cooking, I mean.” Maddie nodded.
“Anyway, I guess that more or less confirms for me that what I saw actually happened. You made the call, even though it wasn’t really your place. Yeah, I came out of it, but I’m just really confused why you made the call you did.”
“What did you see?” His mom asked curiously, wiping at her face a little. “In your dream world?”
“A lot of bullshit.” Buck mumbled, but Eddie still flicked his ear. “Basically, what I imagine would have happened if Daniel had lived.”
“What do you mean?” Maddie asked, her brows furrowed.
“If … if Daniel had lived, what do you think I would have been? What would I have done?” Buck asked carefully.
“I just can’t imagine you as anything other than a firefighter.” Hen said. “That or male escort.”
“You’re funny.” Buck deadpanned. Hen shrugged unrepentantly even though mostly everyone was laughing quietly. Eddie just sighed and Bobby gave her an unimpressed look while his parents looked confused or constipated. “In the dream, Daniel was a doctor and Maddie was still a nurse. But Doug was still there. Because if Daniel had lived, I wouldn’t have run across the country, most likely. So Maddie wouldn’t have had anyone to run to. Apparently I was a teacher, not a firefighter. So … so I never came to the 118.”
“Oh.” Bobby said with a rushed out breath.
“Yeah.” Buck agreed. “If- if I hadn’t come to LA, hadn’t done what I did, all of it, I wouldn’t have been there ready to kick Cap’s door in when he didn’t answer his phone and missed a shift. Hen wouldn’t have agreed to go with me to make sure he was ok after we worked that plane crash. Eddie still came out here, but he lost Chris to his parents, so he wasn’t around. The only ones still there and still kind of like now were Hen and Chim. The- the, uh, wh- when I had trouble breathing, wh- when my lungs almost quit, was when dream-Chim told me that Bo- Bobby had OD’d.” Buck sniffled and fought not to let it affect him.
“But I didn’t.” Bobby said gently, pulling Buck in for a hug, careful of his still slightly sore scars. “I didn’t, because you saved me.” Buck nodded against Bobby’s shoulder and sniffled a few more times before clearing his throat as best he could. Eddie set a glass of water beside him and Bobby.
“Ev- everyone kept trying to get me to stay there. But I couldn’t. Not when I could see Bobby praying with his rosary out, that he hadn’t gotten out in a long time, at my bedside constantly. It was just … it was so bizarre. You both were so … different. You- you cared about me; cared about my happiness. And I would like that to happen. Here in the real world. I would. But you don’t actually know me. I stopped going by Evan at the academy because of all the other Evan’s there. So I went by Buck. And … and I really liked it, ya know? It- it made me feel like I belonged for the first time in my life. I belonged enough with these people that they gave me a nickname. That everyone uses. Well, like 90 percent of the time.”
“I still slip a lot.” Maddie agreed, swiping at her face.
“I only use it because it forces you to focus.” Eddie commented, sitting beside him finally.
“I am not-”
“You are.” Several people argued, cutting him off, aside from his parents.
“You are!” Chris called helpfully from the living area.
“Not what?” His dad asked warily.
“ADHD.” Eddie, Chim, Hen, and even Bobby, the traitor, said together.
“You are, though.” His mom said in confusion, drawing everyone’s attention making her flush. “We had you tested when you were five because the kindergarten teacher was ready to have you kicked out of school.”
“It’s why we started you on piano and violin lessons so young. Unfortunately for us, you took to those like a duck to water and added drums and guitar before you were eight.”
“You play the violin?” Chim asked delightedly. Buck tried to frown but his face felt warm, so he probably just looked embarrassed.
“I thought you were just trying to get me out of the house.” Buck admitted.
“It … was still hard for us, having you everywhere when we hadn’t gotten over your brother.” His dad croaked, clearing his throat. “But we refused to have you medicated.”
“You never said anything.” Buck pointed out. “Another thing that you never mentioned before being confronted with it.”
“Why don’t … why don’t we try our hand with therapy and have someone help us sort out things we forgot to tell you or that we never mentioned?” His dad offered.
“Will you take it seriously this time?” Buck countered.
“We will.” His mom nodded adamantly. “We should never have just gone to talk to someone about what happened with Maddie and not how we treated you. You … you’re right. We need to earn a place in your life again. If Howard can have Anne and John as his parents as well as his father and step-mother, then … then we need to be able to accept that Bobby and his wife Athena are as much your parents as we are.”
“Until then, though, we- we’ll head back over to Maddie’s place. Your other family needs time with you, to make sure you’re ok. And, if you change your mind about us getting you a couch, let us know.” His dad said certainly.
“I’ll be back before too long.” Maddie said, giving their parents hugs. “He’ll crash soon, so we’ll leave him to actually try to rest.”
“Nice seeing you all again.” His dad gave a small strained smile and a wave as they left.
“Huh.” Buck said dumbly.
“Wait for it.” Eddie said quietly, not that Buck was focusing on him. He was still staring a little stupidly at the door.
“What the fuck was that?” Buck asked, looking around when everyone laughed or snickered. “Seriously, what the fuck was that?” He reached over and pinched Bobby.
“Ow!” Bobby slapped at his hand in annoyance, though he wasn’t really upset.
“Sorry, felt weirdly like I was back in that dream and you weren’t actually here.” Buck pursed his lips.
“You’re supposed to pinch yourself, not someone else.” Hen said, nodding her head at Christopher who let out a heavy sigh before joining them at the table.
“How much?” Chris asked as he sat down.
“Six.” Eddie said certainly, high-fiving his son.
“Nice!” Chris cheered.
“Eight if you count him flipping someone off.” Eddie added.
“Fuck you.” Buck grumbled. Chris laughed pretty hard at that and gratefully accepted the notepad from Maddie, along with a pen.
“So when did you tell Buck about him being back-up dad?” Chim asked curiously, sitting at the island with Maddie.
“He’s not a back-up.” Chris and Eddie both argued.
“Still not an answer.” Hen pointed out, sitting at the end of the table nearest Chris.
“Told him when I was discharged after being shot.” Eddie shrugged.
“And when did you make it an official thing?” Bobby asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
“When I had those days off after the well.” Eddie admitted.
“Why’d you wait so long to tell him?” Maddie asked curiously.
“Wasn’t really important before then. I decided I had to tell him when I did because this idiota said it would have been better if he had been shot when he was letting me use his facetime to talk to Chris and Carla. So I needed him to know that even if something happened to me, someone was relying on him.” Eddie said, raising an eyebrow at Buck.
“And before that I did a thing.” Buck nodded.
“A thing I yelled at you about.” Bobby said sternly.
“You did?” Eddie frowned before slowly turning to look at Buck.
“When he went up in the crane, that’s right.” Chim nodded understandingly.
“Made himself a big damn target.” Hen agreed, looking at Buck with the same unimpressed look everyone else was giving him.
“Bobby didn’t understand it then, so I doubt any of you will now.” Buck sighed heavily. “I … you- you know how af- after the tsunami, Chris would wake up from nightmares?” Eddie nodded, frowning deeper if possible. “I wasn’t any better. I- I was blown up not even six months before, I had to feel what it was like to basically drown on dry land with that fucking embolism. And- and then the tsunami. I had a lot of sleepless nights when I was left alone. So- so I worked out, just yoga or stretching, even running for a little while, trying to get my brain to shut down. Only when you were shot, it was different. I couldn’t run from that. I was just … I was right fucking there, Eddie. I know you remember me having blood all over my face, but it was blowback because of how close I was to you. I couldn’t- coul-,” Buck took a deep breath and let it go before continuing in a whisper, “I couldn’t get the taste of your blood out of my mouth for weeks. I was there, right there, for all of that. I couldn’t do that with anyone else. Mentally, emotionally, any of it. I could handle Bobby being pissed at me for a little while because I just-” Buck cut himself off and wiped a hand over his face.
“I get it.” Eddie said quietly, putting a hand on his arm.
“Yeah, well.” Buck cleared his throat. “All I was expecting today, just for the record, was hiding out in my bed from all the people and hovering and noise that came with my parents being around. And instead I’ve had to talk about nearly every trauma I’ve had in the past few years. Shit’s exhausting.”
“Let’s save some of them for another heart to heart.” Bobby said kindly. “You should go lay down if your niece hasn’t taken over your bed yet.”
“She probably put all my hoodies or clean laundry in a pile and is sleeping in it.” Buck snorted.
“I kind of wondered why it was so quiet.” Maddie looked around, not seeing her daughter anywhere obvious.
“Let’s go, Buck.” Eddie sighed, getting up and pulling him to his feet, grabbing the warm compress as he passed it. Once he was deposited in his bed, he let out a breath of relief at the quiet chatter and conforming mattress. He grinned when he felt Eddie slipping his fuzzy socks on his feet before putting the compress between his leg and the mattress as he covered him up. “You never talked about the shooting.” Eddie said quietly, sitting on the side of his bed by his hip. “But I guess I never asked, either.”
“You went through a lot that year, Eds.” Buck said softly, burrowing a little further into his blanket.
“So did you.” Eddie pointed out. “I just … I never thought about what that might have been like. For you, I mean. You saw me breakdown when I learned that everyone I saved in Afghanistan was dead. You saw how bad of shape I was in. And … I didn’t even think about what kind of twisted survivor’s guilt you might be dealing with. From everything. I’m proud of you, ya know?”
“For what?” Buck frowned, having trouble keeping his eyes open as he yawned, finally comfortable and warm.
“For being you. For standing up for yourself to your parents and not just letting them back in when they don’t deserve it yet. You’re a good man, Evan.”
“Mm.” Buck hummed, feeling a hand in his hair before he was out like a light.
Standing up to his parents had been weird. But it also made him feel lighter, somehow. Like he could finally leave that coma dream behind him, even if it had only been two weeks since he’d woken up and another week since he’d been allowed to be home. All he really hoped was that there wasn’t some other secret his parents were keeping from him.