Chapter Text
Stede Bonnet swabbed the deck with as much ferocity as a kitchen cat, ignoring the pointed looks from Lucius, who, on his day off, decided that lounging dangerously close to the edge of the ship and watching Stede was a good pastime.
The sun was hitting on every side of him as he worked, the strain of his neck ached and he stretched it, bringing up a hand to rub tenderly into the coarse muscles there, flinching when the sun hit his hands as well.
Today was hot.
And Stede Bonnet had never been able to handle the heat.
As a child, he would get dizziness and nausea on the days where the heat was too much, no matter how much water he drank or how close he was to the fan.
As he grew older, he started to get fainting spells, where he’d collapse out of nowhere.
He longed to go inside, to run into the coolness of Edward’s arms, maybe he could make lemonade and the crew could have a picnic.
But he couldn’t.
Stede didn’t know when Stede and Edward and Izzy turned into Eddyhands and Stede.
Maybe when you decided to leave them, Chauncey whispered into his ear and Stede batted him away.
He gripped the mop harder.
Lucius looked at him worriedly, biting on his nails but looking back at the book he was reading (lent to him by Stede himself).
Stede had been noticing lately that he didn’t really quite fit with his lovers.
He didn’t really quite belong.
(And wasn’t that heartbreaking in itself because all Stede had ever wanted was to belong somewhere, be wanted somewhere, be loved somewhere).
At first, it was just Izzy and Edward.
But then stupid lily-livered rich boy Stede had to butt in, like he always did, somewhere he didn’t belong.
But oh, was it simply marvellous.
Stede never regretted the kiss.
The slow, gentle one from Edward that day, his hands wrapped in the thick wilderness of his beautiful hair, hands cupping his face oh so softly-
Stede never regretted the kiss.
The hard, knowing one from Izzy, hands pinning his own against the wall, hands interlocking in the others as they kissed and kissed and kissed and Izzy surged his mouth into his-
Stede never regretted the kiss.
The three they all shared together, one by one until they didn’t know whose limbs belonged to who and the sheets managed to end up on the floor.
Stede never regretted it.
Maybe it was that selfish part of him that didn’t, when he knew he should have.
Stede didn’t belong with them. All he did was drag them down.
Of course, if Stede had told them this (he could almost imagine their faces), Edward would have burst into tears, denying everything Stede says, and Izzy would smack him in the head before slowly- ever so slowly- wrapped his arms around his torso.
But Stede knew better. His father knew better. Mary knew better.
He was no pirate.
He was just a stupid rich boy pretending to be one.
The mop snapped under his hands and Stede blinked back to the present.
Lucius was holding his hands, looking at him with worried eyes.
“Captain..” he mumbled.
Stede flinched back, bringing the broken mop with him.
He shot a bright smile at Lucius, and brought one hand to rub at the back of his neck.
“Oops! Silly me, sometimes I underestimate my strength too much!” He laughed.
“I’ll just go fix this, then grab another one, okay?”
Lucius nodded hesitantly, but stepped forward towards him.
“Captain, you know you can talk to me right..?”
Stede paused, and suddenly it was just him, Lucius, and the ship beneath him.
The feeling of splinters in his skin disappeared, the crew around him disappeared, the hot sun above him disappeared.
It was just him, and his best friend.
Lucius’s hair was plastered on his skin from the sea salt and sweat, his eyes glistening.
But Stede couldn’t. It was stupid.
So stupid.
So instead, he gave Lucius a small, soft smile and nodded his head, reaching out to squeeze one of his hands.
“Of course, dear. And you as well.”
Then he spun on his foot, turned towards his room and left.
Leaving his heart in the process.
There’s nothing left of me.
The corridors through the ship were barren and empty and sad.
They never used to be, of course, Stede would have never allowed it.
But the empty corridors laughed at him, a constant reminder that he had left them.
That he had left everyone.
It had been months ago, but the reminding never stopped.
Izzy and Ed had gotten closer during the time he had left.
And in truth, Stede had never caught up to them.
It was the little things, really.
When Izzy or Edward would wake up from a nightmare, and only ask for the safe sanctuary from each other, rather than Stede.
They would talk, after they thought Stede was asleep, about how different it was on this ship, and how nice it was.
And Stede was so incredibly proud of them but he longed to be part of those conversations as well.
Wasn’t that selfish.
Stede never woke up his lovers when he had a nightmare.
He was good at being quiet and he was good at being good.
He would only slip away gently, find himself at the edge of the ship and watch the ocean till the sun rose.
Izzy’s spot on the dinner table was right next to Edward.
Stede’s spot on the dinner table was across from Edward.
And he tried to refrain himself from watching the two eat and bicker with each other.
Refrained himself from watching them feed each other and share mellow kisses.
Instead he stared at his own plate, suddenly feeling nauseous.
Izzy was good at swordfighting.
Edward was good at swordfighting.
Stede Bonnet was not.
He was not good at raids, he was not good at fuckeries, he was not good at self defence and he was definitely not good at swordfighting.
He wasn’t a good pirate, or captain.
Sometimes, as he was in bed, after the other two had fallen asleep cuddled up to each other, Stede wondered if he should give up his position as captain, since Izzy and Edward were a much better match.
He would roll over to his side, reaching an arm out to hug whoever would be in the middle but would meet a solid gap in between himself and the couple.
He would swallow the weight in his throat and turn back around, curl up into a ball and pretend it was one of his boyfriend’s who was hugging him and not himself.
Stede sighed, back in the present, and reached for the duck tape stored in the back of the storeroom, wincing at the stretch of his arm.
He wrapped two rounds around the mop, hesitating but then going for a third, cutting the tape with his teeth and massaging the mop.
Stede let it lean sadly near the door, sighing and rubbing his eyes, and sat down heavily next to it.
He had to go to the kitchen, and retrieve the frozen fruit he had acquired for the crew.
But maybe, he’d stay here a little longer.
The sandwich looked delectable. Truly delicious.
Unfortunately it looked exactly like the sandwich that had gotten you kidnapped in the first place.
Selfishly, you had hoped you might get some encouragement, some reassurance.
All you got was a-,
“Are you really going to eat that much?”
‘No,’ you said.
‘It’s for you.’
‘ I never had an appetite to begin with.’
Izzy watched Stede through narrowed eyes, and a strawberry pulsing in his mouth.
The captain of this god-forsaken ship was strutting around, hands full with a platter of frozen fruits which he conjured out of fucking nowhere (Ed suggested out of his ass and Izzy had to refrain from kissing his watermelon tasting lips).
His boyfriend was now biting really hard on an ice cube from his lemonade, making excruciatingly annoying crunching noises, and when Stede came around this way, he laughed, kissed Ed’s forehead and offered more fruit to Izzy.
He took more strawberries, grumbling under his breath and Stede kissed his head too.
If Ed noticed how hesitant and unsure Stede had been these past couple of days, he hadn’t said anything.
Izzy leaned closer towards Ed, and Blackbeard wrapped an arm around him.
“I need to talk to you,” Izzy whispered in his ear.
Edward frowned.
“What about?” He asked and Izzy shrugged a shoulder in Stede’s direction, who was now arguing with Frenchie about whether frozen oranges or grapes tasted better.
In secret, Izzy was going for grapes.
Edward grinned and leaned forward.
“I’m going for oranges!” He yelled out to them, and Izzy noticed the way Stede’s face fell slightly.
Frenchie brightened and laughed ecstatically.
“You hear that cap’n? Oranges rock!”
Stede smiled and very politely shoved a frozen orange into Frenchie’s mouth, before moving on to Oluwande, who watched the exchange happily, and grabbed a slice of pineapple.
“Edward-” Izzy said pointedly, and frowned when all he received was a giddy hum, who was looking at his slice of kiwi like it hung the stars.
Izzy kissed him.
“Something’s wrong with Stede,” Izzy mumbled and Ed looked at said boyfriend, who was currently sitting by himself with the plate of fruit in his lap, smiling at the crew.
“Huh?” Was all Edward replied with.
Yeah, Blackbeard may be the most fearsome pirate in all the seven seas. But Edward teach was an idiot.
Israel huffed, and kissed him on the cheek.
“Later,” he promised.
Later.
You had collapsed down onto the bed after a very heated session with the other two.
Your mind was racing, your heart was thudding in your chest as you tried to remind yourself that you were not there and you were here and you were loved.
Well more loved than he felt with Mary.
Thoughts came rushing into his head that he hadn’t escaped and that Edward and Izzy were only there to fuck you hard, just like all the others, that you meant nothing to them.
But a soft arm fell onto your chest and you snapped your eyes open.
Edward snored gently, his fingers brushing ever so slightly on your stomach and Izzy was behind him, cuddled up to his side and mouth open, drooling all over the bed sheets.
You never looked forward to the sex.
But what came after was everything.
So you shut your mouth and you suffered because the only thing that mattered was them.
And it wasn’t like you were that important anyways.
Stede Bonnet sighed and scrubbed the dishes a little harder.
Scrubbed the dishes harder and harder and harder and harder and harder and-
Harder scrub his skin harder clean his skin harder scratch his skin harder and harder so maybe he could rid the feeling of their hands so many hands too many hands all up on his dirty body-
Harder.
The spoon he was holding fell with a clatter and Stede jumped.
He sighed and pressed his wet hand against his forehead, grateful for the sudden coolness.
It’s been months since this happened. Months.
Stede thought he would be okay by now.
He blinked away the sudden tears, and scolded himself for being weak.
The dishes were pristine when he was done.
If only his body was too.
Stede dried his hands on his pants and smiled at Roach, who winked at him before stuffing a small lemon tart into his hand to taste.
“A new recipe,” he laughed. “Wanted your opinion.”
It was delicious. Definitely one of Stede’s new favourites.
He asked for two more, and put them on a plate before thanking Roach and setting off to his quarters.
He wanted Izzy and Edward to try this.
Izzy would like it, he liked bitterly sweet things.
Edward would ask if there was honey. He liked sweeter things.
There was a small packet of it in Stede’s back pocket. There always was.
He only wanted his lovers to be happy.
He regretted leaving them with his whole-
Hands his hands they had bound his hands his heart his heart he can’t handle much more of this please please edward izzy please save me come quick I love you don’t do this-
Heart.
Stede stumbled, and the plate swayed in his hands.
His chest thudded excruciatingly, and with every thump of his heart, a new image flashed in his brain, images he longed to forget.
His mouth dried and he closed his eyes and he asked for it to stop to stop to stop-
“Stede?”
He yanked his eyes open.
Edward was standing in front of him, eyebrows creased in concern and the plate of lemon tarts in his hands.
Stede looked to his side to see Izzy, who was holding his own hands from tearing his hair out, his face etched in the colour of confusion.
Stede mumbled something before closing his eyes.
He pointed shakily to the plate in Ed’s hands.
“L’m’n t’rt,” he gasped, and took a deep breath. “Lem’n tart.”
Izzy and Edward exchanged looks, and suddenly Stede couldn’t take it anymore.
He yanked his hands out of Izzy’s grip and stumbled away, eyes closed and wanting just to finally live.
The corridors were empty and full at once and somewhere outside you could hear Buttons faintly yelling that they were under attack.
The echoes of a seagull and the sobs were the last thing you remember.
There was spite in Izzy’s eyes.
This was revenge for the teasing up at the bridge.
There were daggers in the roses of his words.
“You talk a lot in your sleep, yknow?”
Edward had laughed. You had too.
“Well yes, my apologies, it’s a habit.”
Izzy had smiled at you.
“You talk so much about yourself though. ‘I’m not worth it, I don’t deserve this.’”
You had stilled, unsure of what they might say. You had no idea that they would hear that.
“Are you really so self entitled that even your dreams are about yourself?”
Edward laughed harder, and thumped you on the back.
You smiled bitterly and apologised once more.
You fell asleep the next night on the couch by the bed, tears in your eyes and duct tape around your mouth.