Work Text:
1.
12th grade
It would be her last exam at Stoneybrook High School. The last time she sat in that hall, supervised by those teachers, sweating in the heat and squinting to see the hands on the clock at the front.
Charlie was already back from college, and he drove her there. Janine tried to run over the flash cards in her hand but kept getting distracted by his profile.
“You have the most beautiful chin,” she said.
Charlie laughed. “You have the most… unique compliments,” he replied, swerving into the next lane. “So what’s your exam on? Maybe you could give me a breakdown."
“It’s Biology,” Janine said. “Evolution, mostly. Mechanisms, evidence, evolutionary patterns…”
“Sounds great,” Charlie said gamely.
Janine smiled. “And that’s why I love you… because you’d volunteer to listen to me lecture about phylogenetic classification.”
“Well, it’s a short drive,” Charlie admitted modestly.
As she sat in the hall that final time, flipping over her paper and reading the first question, Charlie’s reassuring face at the steering wheel came back to her. I’m going to do okay, Janine thought.
And she did. That day, Janine Kishi got her last A at Stoneybrook High School.
2.
3rd grade
“Good work, Ben,” said Miss Gray, smiling at her pupil. She turned to the next desk. “Now, Janine, what have you drawn for us?”
Janine proudly showed her teacher her drawing. It was a picture of her family standing outside their house. As with all of Janine's drawings, it was very neatly detailed, and she had taken particular care to get the proportions right. The other kids in her class never seemed to give them much thought, but Janine didn't care for the sense of unreality it gave their pictures. If she was going to draw something, she wanted to draw it correctly.
“Very good, Janine,” said Miss Gray. “And you know, you've just given me an idea for what the class' next Big Project should be about.”
“Really?” They were given Big Projects once every few weeks, always on one particular topic. Janine loved them.
“Oh yes. Class, gather round, I have a new Big Project for us all.” The class fell silent, giving the Big Project the respect it was due.
“This Big Project,” Miss Gray said, “will be about family.”
“Mum, I need to interview you for my Big Project,” Janine said, clipboard in hand, as her mother cooked dinner that night.
“I'm cooking right now, Janine. How about you go upstairs and interview Mimi, and then after dinner you can talk to me and your dad.”
“I've already done Mimi. She was boring,” Janine said dismissively.
“That's not very nice!” Claudia, Janine's sister, cried from her colouring at the bench.
Janine rolled her eyes. As if Claudia ever thought about others' feelings. So she'd maybe been a bit rude about Mimi. This was important stuff. “You're just a baby. You wouldn't understand.”
Claudia poked out her tongue. “At least I don't walk around taking myself seriously just because I'm in third grade.”
“Nobody could take you seriously, you've got marker on your face,” Janine snapped back.
“Girls,” said their mother, using her This-Is-Final tone. “Settle down. Now, Janine, you said your project was about family; well, surely Claudia is part of your family. Why don't you interview her? Or if you won't do that, get started on your other homework.”
Janine went up to her room. (She didn’t stomp, even though she wanted to.) She sat at her desk and opened her Big Project notebook to a new page. There, in her best printing, she wrote:
On the subject of family.
Family is important to many people these days. But I think it is overrated. Family can get in the way of things you want to do. It can be annoying or distracting when you are trying to get work done. My family is nice, but sometimes they don't understand the importance of things like Big Projects....
When Miss Gray handed her marked book back two weeks later, the comment read:
“A creative approach. Very funny. I hope that's not how you really feel, though!”
Janine got an A.
3.
8th grade
“Look, Janine, you're an excellent student, and we all realise that sometimes academic skill doesn't go along with physical,” said Coach Callie at the door of the gym office.
“Gym is for jocks and people too dumb to do well in other classes,” said Janine's best friend, Anna, as they walked down the halls of SMS.
“Come inside, Janine, it's time for bed. You can't keep practicing all night,” said her mother at the front porch.
“No,” said Janine.
She was going to get an A in gym if it killed her.
“I don't know why you bother working out,” Claudia said from the bench in the kitchen, munching on cold waffles. “I mean, you eat stupidly healthy and you're thin enough. I don't get it.”
“The body needs physical exertion as well as nutrition to achieve optimum health,” Janine explained patiently. “Besides, the oxygen flowing to the brain caused by working out helps increase brain activity, allowing me to work more productively. Also, I need to get an A in gym.”
Claudia laughed, throwing her impractically long hair over her shoulder. “I'm surprised you consider gym a real subject,” she said.
Janine went over to retrieve an apple from the fruit bowl. “It's not an academic subject, obviously. But it still gets graded, and it's still a worthwhile pursuit. Socrates himself said, ‘It is a disgrace for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable’.”
“Did Socrates also say something about changing out of your smelly socks after you work out? Pee yew.”
Janine just sighed and headed upstairs to shower.
When she received her report card at the end of the semester, Janine’s eyes went first to Gym, and she sighed with relief; she had gotten an A.
4.
10th grade
“But Mimi, what if I can't keep up?”
“Then you will stop. Nobody will be angry. We want only what makes you happy.”
Janine smiled, admiring the intricate pattern on her teacup. These chats with Mimi always made her feel calmer, as if the wisdom of the ages was flowing gently over her.
“Do you think I will do acceptably, though?”
Mimi smiled at her, and alongwith her mouth her whole face smiled, the deep crinkles in her skin blossoming upwards. “I have no doubt.”
Sure enough, the college courses were perfectly at her level — challenging, yes, but a challenge she could rise to with application. Only once more, at the end of her first semester of college, did the same paralysing sense of doom seize her. She came in from the pre-exam tutorial for her Calculus class shaking. Mimi, sitting on the rocker on the porch, took one look at her and said, “Would you care for special tea, Janine?”
Janine smiled gratefully from within her panic. “Please.”
Once more, Mimi's calming words and the serenity of the ceremony washed over Janine, easing her fears. By the time her mom came in from the library, Janine wore a serene smile on her face and, although still nervous about the upcoming exams, those nerves had turned into motivation for studying and doing well, to please herself, and her parents, and most of all her grandmother.
Janine got straight As in all her courses, college and high school; even Gym.
5.
11th grade
It was a cool, brisk autumn night as Janine and Charlie made their way back from the movies. Her hands were very aware of their position in the fur-lined pockets of her coat; they were slightly sweaty, and regretting that they hadn't been left out so that Charlie's hand could take hers — but she could hardly pull them out now, that might look like she expected it, and anyway Charlie's hands were firmly in his pockets.
Why did she always overthink things like this and end up feeling like the world's biggest idiot? Why were people so much more complicated than numbers? Claudia would say she just had to ‘chill out’. But then that came naturally to Claudia.
“Are you okay?” asked Charlie, his brow wrinkling in a way that was really unfairly attractive.
“Fine,” said Janine, her voice coming out slightly croaky. She swallowed. “I mean, I'm fine.”
“Do you want to go get a coffee? I wanted to ask you something.”
“Sure.” Janine smiled nervously
The only coffee shop open in Stoneybrook at that hour was The Coffee Bean. There weren't many patrons — the Newton parents from down the road, some girls from Janine's school and an elderly couple. Janine and Charlie took a seat near the back, in a cozy nook right by a fake fireplace that almost felt real. Janine ordered a latte, Charlie a hot chocolate. They talked small talk; about the movie, about their families, about life. When their drinks arrived, Charlie clutched his with both hands and looked deep down into it. The conversation slowed to a stop.
“Janine,” said Charlie at last. “Even though we haven’t been going out that long, I really like you, but I have a confession to make. It’s just… I don't want you to look down on me for it, or anything.”
Janine tried not to look too startled. “I'll try,” she said honestly.
“You know that I'm a pretty different type of person from you — more into sport and less into, well, school — not that I'm not into it, I'm just not, you know, a genius.”
Was that blush on Charlie's cheeks embarrassment or from the fire?
“Charlie, I like you just the way you are —”
“I'm failing Math.”
Janine paused. Failing. That wasn't something she thought happened to people, or at least, not to people other than Claudia, who Janine privately felt never really tried.
“O… kay,” she said, slowly.
“I just —” Charlie looked up at her for the first time; his eyes were pleading. “I know that probably means I'm completely stupid, but I really do try. I just don't always get it, you know? I hope that doesn’t decrease your image of me too much… and that maybe even you wouldn't mind, like, tutoring me a bit?”
Janine could have laughed, if it wasn't for the pathetic expression on his face. After all that build-up!
“Charlie,” she said, “I care about my grades because I want to do the best I can do. I don’t expect you to care as much as me, but I do expect you to try, and you obviously do. That’s what’s important to me. Well, that, and that you've got such a cute smile.”
Charlie chuckled. He leant in closer to her, and his breath smelt like hot chocolate. “Yours isn't too bad either.”
“Oh yeah?” It might have been the caffeine this late at night, or the quickening pace of her heart as Charlie leant in closer, but Janine suddenly felt daring. “What about my kissing?” she asked, and planted a soft, quick kiss on his lips.
His eyelashes were so long as he stared at her, that adorable smile back on his face. “A plus,” he said, and drew her in closer.
6.
12th grade
Janine had just gotten home from school when she heard sobbing.
“Mom? Dad? Claudia?” she cried, rushing upstairs.
Claudia was lying on her bed, the door open, mascara running down her cheeks.
“Go away,” she said, not bothering to look up.
Janine tried to ignore the clothes and art supplies strewn all over and ventured into her sister’s room.
“Claudia?” she said, trying to sound gentle. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just great, that’s why I’m lying here bawling,” Claudia snapped. “Just leave me alone, okay? Go and play on your computer or something.”
Janine thought guiltily of the test that she had for US History tomorrow morning; she’d put off studying for it because of a long Chemistry assignment she’d only just handed in. The plan was for her to be alone that evening to study: her Mom and Dad had a function to attend for her Mom’s work, and Claudia was going to a freshman dance.
“What about the dance? Don’t you have to get ready?”
“No, I don’t, because I’m not going. And before you ask, yes, Alan and I broke up again.”
“Oh, Claudia.” Janine felt a lump in her throat. It was awful to see her usually vibrant younger sister so upset; and it was all the worse that she didn’t know how to make it better. Where was Mimi when you needed her?
“If you need anything, I’ll be in my room,” Janine said awkwardly. She went down the hallway and into her room, where her desk was set up with her history notes. As she began reviewing the material, she realized how unprepared she was for the test; she may have known the colonial era to a college level, but her antebellum knowledge was rusty, and that was going to show. Sighing, she opened the textbook to that chapter; but then she heard another sob.
That was all it took to make her decision. Janine stood up, grabbed her wallet and coat, and marched into Claudia’s room.
“Come on,” she said firmly. “We’re going out. We’re going to order pizza and the most cavity-inducing soft drink we can find and we’re going to talk about whatever you want to talk about, be it Alan or art or the latest crazy fashion you’re into. If you’re still hungry I’ll even get you ice cream after.”
Claudia looked up, blinking through tears, but she was obviously too emotionally exhausted to fight. Obediently she got her coat.
That night, Janine and Claudia were out even later than their parents; when they got home and their parents were preparing to scold them, Janine shook her head silently and indicated the still-delicate-looking Claudia.
“We’ll talk about this in the morning,” her Mom whispered as they hurried past. “Now you two go straight to bed!” she cried after them.
That’s exactly what Janine did, without even opening her books.
In her test, she got a B+. But she didn’t even care.