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It had quickly turned into a terrible night.
It started so romantic, the two of them killing time as they waited gazing at the stars. Jesse pointed at them, telling stories they reminded him about. About loved ones he had lost, now littered as stars in the sky.
He resisted the urge to grab Hanzo's hand and hold it. Hanzo had never expressed any interest in such things, so it wouldn't be right for Jesse to just grab him.
He gets a little lost in thought about kissing Hanzo under the starry night as they wait. Once again he can't help but wish they had more than this.
The longer the time went on, the harsher the weather got, and soon all the stars were gone, replaced by endless fall of snowflakes.
The weather rapidly changed into a storm and the connection with others was even worse.
The snowstorm has caught them off guard, unable to be picked up as they had been planned to. Lena couldn't land or fly safely in such poor weather conditions, making Jesse and Hanzo stranded, after an otherwise successful mission. They had sent all the gathered data they could in already, so others could take it from there, but the two were now stuck here together.
Finding the safe house wasn't hard, Jesse was familiar with its location, the only thing that made the walk last an eternity was the endless snowing. Not a single star to lighten their way any longer as Hanzo held Jesse's waist tightly so they wouldn't get lost from one another. That was the last thing they wanted to happen.
Jesse felt embarrassed as Hanzo held his waist like that, unable to keep his mind at bay from what it stirred inside him.
When they finally arrived at the old safe house they were both freezing, chill penetrated deep into their bones.
There wasn't much they could do, aside from getting rid of their wet clothes and redress in new dry ones, light up the fire and curl up with every blanket in the cabin.
When Jesse didn't seem to get any better, no matter what they tried Hanzo had to speak up.
"You're still freezing McCree. I think we have to share body heat."
"I beg yer pardon?" Jesse asks.
"Share body heat to get you warm," Hanzo explains.
"So… Ya wanna cuddle?"
"Well, essentially yes, you could call it that."
When Jesse just seems frozen and doesn't respond, Hanzo continues: "we need to get you warm Jesse."
Even using his first name to emphasize his words.
When Jesse starts to argue with him, Hanzo is having none of it.
"I'd hate to see you lose your other arm too. Or your toes."
That shut Jesse up real quick. He was always head on bantering, yet still on his guard around Hanzo. He had not expected him to offer to do anything so… domestic. He knew Hanzo was altruistic, and always helping others even if it was because of his brother, but Jesse couldn't shake the feeling it felt wrong to do such a thing.
Not when he had been secretly pining after the archer for months. Desiring to share more than just a bed with him.
When Jesse sits on the bed Hanzo continues that they should do it naked, as that was the most effective way.
That makes Jesse's mind go into a halt.
Cuddling… naked… with Hanzo?!?
It was too much.
Could he really keep his cool if they pressed their naked bodies together? Keep his hands to himself and not run them all over Hanzo's naked body?
His teeth clattering harder made the decision for him, but he couldn't help feeling dread in his throat. This might not end well for them.
"Alright. How're we gonna do this?"
"I think you should undress and get on your side. I'll then go behind you and help warm you up and share our heat."
Jesse swears the way Hanzo spoke would be the end of him – and not in a good way. It was a thorn by his side, stinging at his heart when he spoke about such an intimate thing so nonchalantly and without any emotion showing whatsoever. Always so fucking practical.
It was torturous.
Jesse did as Hanzo told him, pulling a blanket over his naked body. Hanzo had given him the discretion, turning his back to him as they undressed. Jesse couldn't help but try to get a glimpse of Hanzo when he settles behind him.
When Hanzo presses against Jesse, he gasps softly and shivers, Jesse feels so cold. He wraps his arms around Jesse and hugs his back, spooning with him.
Both of their hearts beat fast, especially when Hanzo maneuvers even closer to Jesse, completely slotting his chest into Jesse's back, holding him close.
Not only Hanzo is naturally warmer, but also his dragons are heating him up faster than Jesse. He voices this to Jesse who chuckles.
Jesse's shivering voice asks if the dragons would be willing to come on out to be their heated blankets which makes Hanzo snort, as unfortunately they don't work that way.
Hanzo only pulls Jesse closer, trying his best to give Jesse as much heat as he can, pressing his thighs more into Jesse's. He tries to ignore it's the first time he has touched Jesse like this, skin to skin.
It feels amazing to hold the scruffy cowboy in his arms. Finally.
Jesse keeps trying to crack a joke after another to distract the feeling of Hanzo's cock pressing against him. It doesn't help that he can feel it growing harder, trapped between their bodies.
However, Jesse isn't heating up as fast as Hanzo would like so his mind supplies him with the suggestion that… perhaps they could be…
Intimate.
His breath halts against Jesse's back, and he quickly discards that thought, it definitely isn't appropriate at the moment, his attraction to Jesse be damned.
He's lost in his thoughts before realizing Jesse is moving his hands a little higher on his hairy chest. Jesse apologizes through clattering teeth but he's just so cold. He complains that his nipples are gonna fall off.
Hanzo does a defeated sigh before he cups Jesse's plump tits, one in each palm, pressing his forehead against Jesse’s back. He resists the temptation to play with his nipples, Jesse's hairy tits make him salivate. If only he could get his mouth on them, suck to his heart's content…
However, Jesse is still so cold, and holding his chest doesn't exactly let Hanzo forget his earlier thoughts on how to help him get warmer.
He clears his throat, moving his hands back to Jesse's stomach. It feels too intrusive to suggest this while holding his chest.
"There might be another way to heat up faster," Hanzo says, barely audible.
"I’m all ears, I’d do anythin' just about now," Jesse tells him back.
Hanzo swallows then takes a deep breath. Jesse can feel his warm breath on his skin.
"We could have…sexual intercourse."
"…Ah."
They stay still for a frozen moment, the only thing breaking the silence is Jesse's teeth clattering together.
"'M not sure that's a good idea Hanzo," Jesse says nervously, instantly feeling a pit in his stomach.
Part of his mind screams he cannot pass the chance to have sex with Hanzo, he just can't.
However, his heart wouldn't be able to take it if this was a one-off thing. He wants a relationship with Hanzo, not just a momentary relief.
Little does he know those small words make Hanzo spiral behind him. He couldn't believe, even if it was simply for practical reasons, for his crush to "reject" him nor that it would make him feel like this. It stings. He's already falling apart and Jesse has no idea what he just did, releasing the demons in Hanzo's mind.
Jesse stews on it too, feeling awful to push Hanzo away when all he is doing is trying to help. Too stubborn to admit it's because he has feelings for Hanzo, unknowingly hurting him.
Hanzo's face scrunches up at the rejection. Cringing inwardly, he apologizes. It was a ridiculous idea, he just can’t think of anything else at the moment.
"It's alright Han, my brain ain't workin' too good either," Jesse tells him. Though he feels flattered by the offer. Never in a million years would he have thought Hanzo of all people would do this for him. Willing to have sex with him just to keep him alive.
"It might… change things… between us ya know."
"And in what way?" Hanzo asks him, irritation slipping into his voice. "It would be solely for survival," Hanzo snaps, starting to get pissed with Jesse.
Meanwhile a quiet part of Hanzo's mind screams 'but that's what I want!'
Suddenly the sense of flattery is gone. It's all way too practical and emotionless. How on earth Hanzo managed to strip any romantic aspect out of having sex? Jesse had had a drunk bathroom blowjob more enthusiastically than this.
Jesse is heartbroken that he apparently means so little to him. He can't believe Hanzo is cold like this, why there's no emotion behind his words. Jesse wants it, but he wants Hanzo to want him too. If not as badly as he wants Hanzo, just at least want to be intimate with him, not just out of some stupid obligation.
He can feel Hanzo starting to withdraw, creating space between their bodies that doesn't belong there.
And Jesse would let him separate from him. If he only wasn't so damn cold. Not knowing Hanzo is being sincere because he cares about his well-being.
Next Hanzo tries to remove his hands but Jesse grabs his wrists, desperate to keep them there.
Jesse wants to pretend, at least for a little while longer. Just be in Hanzo's arms, in his embrace. Warm his heart that is now feeling colder than he feels.
They stay like that for a while and Hanzo doesn't move, Jesse holding his wrist like a lifeline.
His heart is about to explode in his chest right now. He knows he's playing in dangerous waters even tempting with the offer.
Finally he can't take it anymore, losing the inner fight. He has already rejected it once, so there is no way he could take it back like that. He starts mumbling and Hanzo moves closer, trying to hear what he is saying.
"Alright, if we were to do it, hypothetically, how are we gonna go about it?"
Hanzo's eyes widen at that in pure disbelief. He clears his throat as he tries to keep his voice steady.
"Well, we could touch each other's bodies and stimulate our genitals together."
Jesse scoffs before he can stop it, half-annoyed half-endeared Hanzo would describe it that way.
“Wow, how exciting.”
Hanzo gets a little defensive and tells him that's what sexual intercourse usually entails.
"Well, and if we keep going..." Hanzo continues his explanation.
Jesse just stares ahead for a moment. "I know what 'being intimate' means, Hanzo."
They fall silent again.
Hanzo is hurt, and it's coloring his view of the situation. Why is Jesse acting like this? Is the mere thought of being intimate with him so appalling?
Jesse swallows the lump in his throat. Why does his stupid romantic ass have to be like this? What he wanted wasn't something that Hanzo was going to give him. He would have to suck it up and take whatever Hanzo was willing to give him.
He offered intercourse, not romance. And no matter how much that tears Jesse's heart, being held by Hanzo like this had been bad to his self-restraint.
Unable to keep his mouth shut, he strikes the conversation back up. Desperate to hear more, praying his poor heart can take the aftermath if he gives into the temptation. He needs to hear more details.
"What would ya start with?" Jesse asks, trying to ignore his nerves, and Hanzo's dick, jerking in interest against him.
Hanzo thinks for a moment. He slightly adjusts himself so he's again more comfortably slotted against Jesse’s back. His breath is puffing against his skin, now closer to his neck.
“Hypothetically, I would be close enough to caress your skin,” Hanzo says, voice low. He stays still, nervously waiting for an answer.
Jesse bites his lower lip with a nod. “Alright, that’s a start. Go on.”
~~~
Hanzo's hand slides over Jesse's belly, enjoying the soft hairy skin, unable not to indulge just a bit for himself. He has always wanted to caress Jesse's tummy like this. He breathes heavily on Jesse's neck as his hand moves higher, grabbing a handful of Jesse's breast. Jesse clings on to the noises Hanzo makes, he's breathing against his skin, letting out a soft noise as his fingers finally find Jesse's nipple. Hanzo runs soft circles over it, over and over, before finally pinching it. It gives Jesse a complete disconnection between his clumsy talk about being intimate and how his nifty hand plays with his nipple like that.
Jesse would probably get aroused even without his feelings for Hanzo, but they amplify everything and soon Jesse realises he is throbbing already. And Hanzo has just been playing with his tits, breathing in his back.
Hanzo pulls his hand away and the whimper escapes Jesse's lips before he could catch it, desperation clear in it. When he feels Hanzo's fingers on his lips he kisses them before opening his mouth pliantly as they prod the opening. Just sucking Hanzo's fingers makes him dizzy, his oral fixation finally getting satisfied. He hasn't been able to smoke, so he is sucking Hanzo's fingers in more than he probably should.
When he hears a soft chuckle on his skin, as Jesse is holding on Hanzo's hand, keeping it in his mouth, desperately for any part of Hanzo in his mouth, he feels embarrassed, heat rising on his cheeks. He is glad Hanzo can't see that, but feels a sting in his heart, giving away too much of his obsession with the man behind him.
Little did he know fingerfucking Jesse's mouth wasn't the plan, he just couldn't help himself, but when Hanzo's fingers, now wet, got back on Jesse's nipple, he realised what he was up to. The newly wet fingers feel even better, making him shiver, this time in a more pleasing way, as Hanzo plays with his nipples once more. The wet play reminds him of having a mouth on his tits and he wishes Hanzo would suck his nipples now.
And Jesse isn't the only one who got too lost in the other, carried away with their shenanigans, getting to finally touch the other – with permission.
Hanzo doesn't think straight when the words escape his lips. "So, would you like a hand job? Or penetration?"
It catches Jesse off guard so completely he chokes on his own saliva. Just the thought about Hanzo inside him makes his whole body shiver.
Not even the words, so cold and not affectionate, so practical, keep himself at bay. It stings his heart, but the heat he feels is maddening. Begging for more. For anything…
Fuck it. Fuck everything. He could nurse his broken heart later. Tonight he'd take anything Hanzo was willing to give him. Anything.
"B-both," he stutters an answer, biting hard on his lip after. Hanzo would not offer anything he didn't want to do, right? Even if it was nothing but to help him due to the circumstances.
"Would you like to penetrate? Or be penetrated?" Hanzo continues, biting his lip after.
It couldn't be this simple, could it?
Jesse lets out a frustrated whine, conflicted by the words used clawing with his feelings, but his body getting aroused all the same. He needs Hanzo – more than ever.
Then Hanzo's fingers have finally slid all the way down Jesse's body, leaving a wet trail behind, reaching down for his cock – and he gasps surprised when his fingers dip into wetness instead. Jesse is completely soaked already, his small dick covered with his own fluids.
"I want you inside," Jesse gasps out, all caution lost, and they both shiver on the words, on the thought. He had completely forgotten in his desperation Hanzo didn't even know… it just never came up naturally, and they were not dating or anything.
"You're so wet," Hanzo whispers, his fingers finding Jesse's dick, but it's too slippery to get a good grasp on it. He still rubs his fingers into it, spreading them, and lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding as Jesse buckles into his hand, in the juncture of his fingers.
Jesse bites his lip, trying to swallow his whines, but he can't, not with Hanzo's fingers on his dick, his lips on his skin. Not even realising Hanzo is pressing kisses on his back every now and then.
He grabs Hanzo's wrist, desperate for more, guiding his fingers on his opening. He needs more, Hanzo is right there, the temptation is too much, the –
"Please," Jesse whines and lets go of Hanzo's hand, leaving the decision up to him.
And there was no universe where Hanzo could have resisted, sinking his fingers in the warm heat, his calloused fingers rubbing the silky and sensitive walls. Jesse gasps, spreading his legs more, being a mess in Hanzo's arms in no time.
Hanzo may have completely forgotten about lubricant or condoms when he offered them to have intercourse, but the thought hit him now.
Well, Jesse had taken care of the lube at least.
"I'm clean," he says before he could talk himself out of it, needing to get inside Jesse harder than ever. Dipping his fingers in and out of his sweet hole was simply too much, rattling his mind's cage, throwing every caution in the wind.
He simply couldn't help it, consequences be damned. If it made his crush grow even worse then so be it. He needed this. He needed Jesse, more desperately every passing second.
"What?" Jesse sounds confused before his horny mind catches up.
"Yeah, me too, but…"
Jesse swallows. He wasn't on birth control. He should tell Hanzo as much. No matter how desperately he wanted to, possibly fucking his one and only chance for it, he couldn't leave Hanzo in the dark.
"I'm not on birth control," Jesse confesses, biting his lip. Hanzo halts behind him, but Jesse keeps pushing into his fingers, desperate for more. His heart aching for the miserable thought of everything ending right there.
Are they really willing to bareback and take the risk?
Hanzo knows he shouldn't, and he's never been one to make reckless decisions. But just the thought of not getting it now, and possibly never, overrides his sense. Too gone in Jesse, too needy for him. So close…
"You can take care of it after, right?" Hanzo asks, licking his lips, totally forgetting they're snowed in and can't get to a pharmacy that easily.
"Yeah, yeah we can," Jesse tells him before he can think it further either. Too gone to fully fathom it when Hanzo is pressing against his back all naked, willing to fulfill one of his dreams – and his hole.
"Then if you're sure… I think you're ready?" Hanzo whispers, too afraid to even breathe out loud, he swears he's going to pass out before getting inside…
"Yes, Hanzo please," Jesse whimpers, pushing his ass into Hanzo's hips, realising he is fully hard as well, and had just tried to keep his boner discreetly tucked away from Jesse's body.
Hanzo sinks his fingers in Jesse's mouth, who licks them clean from his own fluids. He gasps around them when he feels Hanzo's dick pushing into his ass. For a moment they grind, Jesse wetting the front of Hanzo's boxers, fingers in his mouth, letting out a soft moan after another.
Hanzo finally pulls his fingers out to free his dick, now fully hard, and takes it out through the folds without taking his boxers off. He gasps with the first brush against Jesse's wetness, biting his lip to hold himself together and not just shove in.
"You sure?" Hanzo asks for final confirmation, the honorary asshole, when Jesse's whole body is screaming for it.
"Yes," Jesse hisses at him, needing all his willpower not to sink on the dick of his wet dreams himself when Hanzo keeps stalling. Why won't he just push in?
However, Hanzo keeps rubbing himself on Jesse's folds, wetting his dick thoroughly.
"Hanzo quit teasin' me," Jesse whines, desperate for more.
"Jesse, I'm quite large," Hanzo tells him, but stops rubbing around and finally presses against Jesse's entrance. When Hanzo starts pushing, the pressure against his hole makes Jesse realise Hanzo wasn't joking – he is huge. When the tip finally pushes in Jesse moans, getting stretched so wide.
"Fuck, Hanzo," Jesse curses, feeling first time he might have bitten more than he can chew. If just the tip stretches him this much…
"Impatient," Hanzo chuckles, misinterpreting Jesse's curses about his size as him wanting to get on with it already.
"You're so tight," Hanzo grunts, taking a deep breath, "I just needed a moment."
Then Hanzo grabs Jesse's hip and pushes in with one smooth move, getting in about half before Jesse clenches so hard around him he stops.
"Jesse, you okay?" Hanzo asks, panic audible in his voice.
"Huge," Jesse gasps out the only thing his mind is able to utter.
Hanzo snorts but sucks in the 'I told you so.' He pushes in further, Jesse is whimpering, unsure if he's ever been stretched this wide. And once Hanzo hits his bottom, he isn't even fully in, making Jesse curse again. Hanzo doesn't seem to mind, as he tentatively tries to move, giving Jesse a first shallow thrust, biting his lip so hard it bruises trying to be good for Jesse. Just split second away from fucking into him with abandon, all things be damned, including his sweet Jesse. The need to call the cowboy his own is through the roof, and a tear escapes his eye when he remembers it's all just temporary, just due to the circumstances.
Just to share their body heat and warm Jesse up.
He pushes the thought away, letting himself indulge in the fantasy, just for one night. Jesse could be his just for one night.
Hanzo thrusts in, getting into a steady pace. Jesse's pleased noises are music to his ears. Feeling so good and proud to make Jesse into a mess like this.
It doesn't take long for Hanzo to flip Jesse on his stomach, still under the blanket, getting steamy, putting a pillow under his hips to keep the angle right. Then he pushes back in, getting a bit deeper in this position, Jesse yelping from the sudden intrusion, stretched so wide again.
"Hanzo," Jesse whimpers against the sheets he's grabbing, delirious about it already. Drunk on Hanzo's huge cock.
Jesse feels so tight so good, Hanzo can feel the string tightening in his abdomen, telltale of his impending orgasm.
'Just remember to pull out' he reminds himself, despite them not even discussing it. He should at least minimize the risks. He is barely able to keep it together.
When Jesse pleas again Hanzo finally loses it, fucking into him like a man possessed, completely lost in his dreams coming true. While he had hoped Jesse wanted it this way, as he liked it more, he would have done it the other way too, if that was what Jesse wanted. He feels even more heated on the thought, embarrassed he'd give Jesse something he didn't usually do. Just because he loved Jesse so much, and was so desperate he would take anything.
The depth of his emotions ran too deep and he wasn't ready to embrace them, denying he was indeed in love with Jesse.
Man, he had not even got to kiss Jesse on the lips, but was filling the deepest pits of him with his dick.
Hanzo snapping made Jesse reach a new level of high, moaning without an ounce of self restraint, just being taken by Hanzo like this was too much. His hole squeezed tight, as if trying to milk Hanzo until his balls were dry.
Hanzo's fingers dug deeper in Jesse's hips who wished it left bruises. Desperate for any visible proof of their night together. He needed it to prove himself it wasn't just a dream.
Jesse came first, clamping hard around Hanzo, moaning and whimpering, unable to hold it. That pushed Hanzo over the edge too, who was too lost in Jesse for any thoughts, grabbing his hips harder and bursting, spurting his seed deep inside his lover. He stilled all the way in, dick kissing the entrance deep inside Jesse.
Then he collapsed on top of Jesse and they laid like that, finally warm and sweaty, both trying to catch their breath, the reality looming over their good feeling, ready to take over once they came down from their high. Jesse had never felt so full and Hanzo's weight felt so good on top of him.
Neither said a word or made a move, desperate for the moment to continue forever, not wanting it to end.
It went on so long that eventually Hanzo dozed off, his softening dick still inside Jesse, who was suddenly wide awake, the severity of the situation ruining his soft after glow.
At least he was no longer cold. Hanzo had warmed him up beyond just the much needed body heat.
Jesse wasn't sure if there was no coming back now, not after getting a taste of his dreams, which reality surpassed by miles. He closed his eyes, desperate to spend every moment glued to Hanzo he could. Hanzo had made more than one kind of mess inside him.
~