Chapter Text
Colin stood there speechless.
No…
No, this could not be true.
The small redhead looked up at him, eyes so wide and such a clear blue even in the little light coming from the house, tears streaming down her face.
But she was resolute. Determined. Fierce.
He’d never seen her that way before.
‘Penelope…’ he shook his head, turning away.
‘No Colin… You must listen to me. Marina is with child and has been for months! She is trying to trap you, seduce you, you cannot marry her!’
He sat down on the swing, his legs unable to keep him up any more.
Eloise stood some distance away, shaking her head, her hand over her mouth.
She had come to get him, and insisted he accompany her outside. To find Pen beside herself.
‘Who… Who is the… um…?’
He could not get the words out.
‘Sir George Crane. He is fighting on the front lines with Wellington. Marina has given up hope of his return.’
‘A soldier? And this was who you spoke of… When you said her heart lay elsewhere? The… The father to her child?’
‘Yes… Colin, I… I am so very sorry.’
‘What for? You saved me from making an utter fool out of myself. Anthony would surely gut me like a fish should I carry this forward.’
Penelope looked relieved.
‘Do you believe her feelings to be returned?’ he asked.
‘I do. He wrote her letters, as I said. Beautiful love letters. But, lately they have not been coming. That is why she has been desperate. And mama has been quite cruel to her.’
‘I see.’
‘What will you do?’
‘I must see her. Immediately.’
Colin grabbed Pen’s hands, as he sat on the swing, not caring they were ungloved.
‘Pen, will you bring her to me?’
‘You want me to sneak Marina out of the house?’
‘Yes.’
Penelope sighed.
‘Very well. I will try.’
>>~~~oOo~~~<<
Some time later, Penelope and Marina had let themselves into the Bridgerton’s back garden. Eloise and Colin were waiting for them on the wisteria laden garden terrace.
‘Colin?’ said Marina, her smile almost instantly fading, clearly sensing all was not well, especially when he did not look pleased to see her, ‘What is the matter?’
‘I believe that you have something to tell me, Miss Thompson?’
Marina looked aghast, unable to meet his eye. He felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. It was indeed true. Well, of course it was. Pen would never lie to him.
Penelope had moved to stand with Eloise, who was holding her hand tightly.
The look of anger Marina shot Pen was not lost on Colin and he stepped into her line of sight, shielding Pen, making Marina swallow hard, but she looked up at him.
‘Then you already know.’
‘About you and Sir George? About your child? Yes. I know.’
‘I see…’
‘Do you love him?’
‘I do…’ she shook her head, ‘I did…’
Colin closed his eyes, squeezing them shut. Rubbing them with his fingers before he looked at her again.
‘I cannot imagine your predicament. How desperate you must feel. But, you should have told me, Marina. I would have married you anyway, that is how in love I believed myself to be.’
‘And now?’
‘You said that you loved me, but it was a lie. If not for the swift actions of a dear friend, I would have taken you to Gretna Green. Made you my wife, thinking that I was loved. How can I marry you now, knowing what I know?’
Tears spilled from her eyes, and, again, she shot Penelope an angry look.
‘Do not blame Penelope for this. She did what you should have done. She trusted me, Marina. Trusted that I would know what to do.’
‘Then I am truly forsaken…’
‘But what of your soldier?’
‘He has not written in months…’
‘Did he know?’
‘I wrote to him but got nothing…’
Colin was angry, but his mind was busy. Working to solve the problem, worrying his thumb nail with his teeth.
‘What if we can find him for you? My sister is a duchess. She may be able to use her connections to find this Sir George. And I will see to it that he is brought home to answer for this mess. If he is an honourable man he will do the right thing without coercion.’
Marina was looking at him wide eyed.
‘You would do that? For me? After everything?’
‘Of course. If there is any way I can restore your happiness, then I will do it. But…’
‘Marriage is out of the question,’ she finished for him.
‘I wish it could be otherwise. I wish I could overlook your deception. But I cannot. I wish I was a better man than that but alas…’
‘I understand…’
She looked so crestfallen he almost reached out for her, but she wasn't his to comfort. Colin bit his lip as he focused on what he could do.
‘Does your Knight have any relatives?’
‘A younger brother, Philip.’
‘I will write to him. See if he knows where his brother is stationed.’
‘You are a good man, Colin. Forgive me for deceiving you. I thought… I suppose it doesn’t matter now.’
‘That you felt you had no other choice?’
‘Exactly.’
‘It may not be the outcome you wanted, but between us all we will find some solution. Bridgertons do not forsake those we care about, Marina. And a part of me will always wish to have been your saviour in this. But…’ a tear escaped and ran down his face, ‘It would eat me alive, all our lives… You understand?’
‘Of course.’
Colin bit his lip. he felt wretched.
‘But, perhaps, we may restore you to your rightful place? You were to be Lady Crane?’
‘That is what he said he wanted.’
‘Then we will make it so.’
He gave her a rueful smile, and bid goodnight to her and Penelope, as he stood with Eloise, watching them leave.
And then Colin sank back into the swing seat, and let his tears fall, comforted by Eloise, who said nothing, just let him spend his grief, her arms around his shoulders.
>>~~~oOo~~~<<
True to his word, Colin enlisted Daphne, who managed to get a letter to Sir George’s commanding officer, and Colin wrote to Philip Crane, asking what he knew of his brother.
Lady Whistledown barely commented on their broken engagement, surmising that Lord Bridgerton had refused to allow the marriage to go ahead on account of their youth.
Word arrived of Marina’s young man. It was not good news however. And Marina took Sir George’s death badly.
Sir Philip arrived a few days later with a half written letter from his brother, which had expressed joy at her news, and a promise to make them a family as soon as he could be back in her arms.
Philip offered to marry Marina, to make amends for what they'd both lost, and carry out his brother’s last wish.
While she was reluctant, Colin, via Daphne, who thought as he did, counselled her that she would be doing the right thing for her child and she should consider accepting.
But he also told her that she deserved to be loved.
Marina’s answer was that she did not know if she could ever feel love again.
Drowning in her grief, she tried to end her own suffering, by ending her pregnancy, concocting a tea to bring about its ending.
And for a time, she was free.
But then she felt the flutterings of the pregnancy again and her despair returned.
Colin, tormented, heard of this, and went to Daphne to set up another meeting.
When he saw Marina, he was on his knees. Took her hands in his. Asked Marina if she loved him, even a little? That he would marry her if she would say yes, that she felt something for him, and end her nightmare, unable to know she lived in such misery.
She pulled her fingers from his.
‘I hold you in the highest esteem, Colin.’
‘Marina?’
‘I cannot lie to you. Penelope was right, it was unfair of me to deceive you as I did. Perhaps had things been different, I could have loved you in another life. But I had a great love, and now all I am is empty, Colin. You deserve to have your feelings returned.’
‘And what will you do?’
‘I will marry Sir Philip. It is the only way forward. Restored to the life I was promised, even if I must marry a stranger to do so. Your kindness has been a great comfort, and I wish you, all of you, the greatest joy.’
And Colin knew that emptiness then.
He was almost angry that Pen had brought the news to him that night. Had she said nothing, he would have been none the wiser, until… Marina gave birth several months too early.
Then he would have felt angry.
Hurt.
Betrayed.
Trapped…
He realised could never be angry with Pen for saving him from being cuckolded so cruelly. She had done him a great kindness.
No one in his life had ever been as good to him as Pen was.
Had ever trusted him like Pen did.
Was so very loyal…
Penelope…
He thought of her often after that.
She had somehow taken up residence in his mind.
What could that mean?
When he saw her at the Hastings Ball later that week, he wished to tell her that he was to go to Greece. On his Grand Tour.
After greeting her, for Pen to say she had been dancing, Colin had to tell her what had been on his mind of late.
‘I meant to say, I apologise if there was any ugliness after you went home… That night,’ he said, uncomfortably.
‘Oh… No, there wasn’t. Marina was annoyed with me for a short while, but she was very sweet otherwise. Understanding.’
‘Indeed? Yet, I was a fool, for not listening to you before. I know you were just trying to prevent me from such heartache.’
‘You are not a fool...' she said, vehemently, 'You only believed yourself in love… One should never apologise for that. When one finds oneself in such an extraordinary position, one should declare it. Assuredly… Fervently…’ she smiled, and lifted her chin higher, ‘Loudly...’
She looked into his face, and he’d never seen her eyes so bright. Or resolved…
It made him smile.
‘Colin, I should tell you… I…’
It was then that Colin realised that she might have feelings for him.
And… The worst part was, a part of him was hoping that she did.
That she would tell him that she had not interfered purely out of friendship. Or loyalty.
But also out of love.
Yet, he was not in a fit state of mind to hear it at that moment.
‘And I have something I should tell you too…’ he said, as his eyes flickered slightly, cutting her off, ‘I am leaving, first thing tomorrow morning, for my tour… I am to start in the Mediterranean… It was you who inspired me… Pen. You kept reminding how much I longed for travel… Oh, what were you going to say?’
Penelope looked a little upset, and he was relieved.
He merely wanted to take to the dance floor with her, and pretend that he had never met Marina Thompson.
‘I do not remember now…’ she looked at the floor.
‘Shall we dance?’ he asked, reaching out his hand.
‘Uh, yes. Let us dance.’
He pulled her onto the dance floor, and they waltzed.
A dance where he could hold her just a little closer than he ever had before.
‘Are you well, Pen?’ he asked, as she looked everywhere but at him during their dance, satisfied when her blue eyes flicked to his.
‘A slight headache is all…’
‘So, you wish to stop?’
‘I do not…’ she said, and her mouth turning slightly into a smile, and they continued, Colin telling her how excited he was, and where he would begin his journey, and she answered him with interest, as usual. But, then when he led her off the dancefloor, she bowed and wished him an enjoyable tour, before she walked away.
And Colin watched her go, not really knowing what to feel, as her yellow dress disappeared into the crowd
Then he heard her father had died as they were dancing, rumours abounding that Lord Featherington was murdered, in fact.
Colin sent her a letter of consolation, wishing to be able to do so in person, remembering vaguely how it felt to lose his own father.
Yet, he could not.
Not just because it was improper, not just because he was preparing to leave, but because if he did, he would not have been able to walk away from her again.
Somehow he knew it, and so, Colin got on his horse, and he rode away, wanting to spend some time without the complications of women and feelings and the rest of it all.
And hopefully not incessantly think about his very good friend, Penelope...
The break would do him good.
>>~~~oOo~~~<<
Even touring Santorini and Athens, miles of blue sea and so many things of interest to keep him company, Colin couldn’t help but think of Pen, eager for her letters when they arrived.
He had started writing to her, to ask her if she was well after everything, and she responded that things were tough, but they were surviving, asked him about his travels, and so their correspondence continued, and she would send detailed accounts of her everyday life, her thoughts and the amusing little things that had happened. As well as any interesting gossip, and raptures at his accounts of seeing Europe.
And more eager still was he to see her when he returned to London.
To find her in his own home. Dressed in the most horrible pink and yellow frock. In fact she was the one who had noticed him walk through the door, brightly greeting him.
He’d even almost embraced her, as if she were his to embrace.
‘You look different, Colin…’ said Benedict, frowning at him, ‘You seem to have a strange moss growing on your face,’ he added, pointing at his chin, where a thin layer of stubble was growing, embracing him heartily with a grin, then squeezed his shoulders in surprise, ‘And what have you been doing to get so sturdy all of a sudden?’
Colin grinned broadly, if a little bashfully.
‘Well… Walking, riding, of course… Also, assisting the Museum of Antiquities in Athens to categorize and shift marble relics, which I did for a month. It was rather satisfying work in fact. I got a tan…’
‘And your hair, it is so long…’ said Hyacinth, excitedly, brushing it away from his collar.
‘It rather suits you, brother,’ said Gregory.
‘Indeed… And the double breasted look is very fashionable right now…’ said Violet, looking him over and embracing him, as Eloise made a little noise of derision.
‘How dandy of you, Colin…’ she said, rolling her eyes but giving him a hug.
‘Always good to see you, El… Francesca…?’
‘I have learnt a new song just for your return!’
‘I look forward to hearing it…’ he chuckled, embracing Fran.
And what do you think, Pen?’ he asked, as she stood a little apart from his family, ‘Am I much changed?’ he turned in a circle, arms out, showing off his new look, smiling at her.
‘You have always looked distinguished, Colin,’ she said, returning his smile shyly.
He wanted to speak with her more, but he was pulled into conversation with his family, catching up, then Anthony walked in and greeted him, before insisting they all get ready for the races.
Colin turned to ask Pen if she was going to attend, eager to speak with her still, yet, when he tried to look for her, she had already left.
>>~~~oOo~~~<<
Later that day he sought her out at the races. She seemed to be in search of someone when he found her.
‘Pen, I have been trying to speak with you all day…’
‘Oh? Well, here I am. Are you happy to have returned?’
‘I am. I must thank you for your letters. They were a great comfort.’
Pen beamed at him.
‘And I enjoyed hearing of everything you accomplished, everywhere you went…’ she gave a little sigh, ‘Especially with father…’
‘Oh, yes… How have you been?’
‘Well…’ she smiled, ‘All the better for our correspondence too... I have been wanting to hear more of your travels, in fact.’
‘I thought you would have been bored of my travels by now, as you seemed the only one to write to me…’
‘Not at all… I was mesmerised… Climbing Mount Olympus, falconry with the Turks… Surely there is always more to say than one could put on the page?’
‘Indeed there is… I will gladly tell you all you want to know… If you are still so invested.’
Colin smiled indulgently, delighted with her enthusiasm.
She gave a little sigh.
‘I wish I could travel too. See all the cities of Europe. Perhaps even somewhere such as Egypt? It has been wonderful to see the world through your eyes, Colin. Thank you.’
He leaned in a little, from where he was standing against the fence that surrounded the track.
‘Perhaps we could do so together some day?’ he smiled, conspiratorially.
Penelope gave a rueful laugh.
‘Well, wouldn’t that be a thing? Though, it is impossible.’
‘How so?’ he asked.
Penelope blinked, incredulous.
‘Colin… To do that we would have to be married.’
Colin chuckled.
‘Oh yes… We would, indeed…’ he replied softly, squinting into the sunlight.
Penelope stared at him, noting his little smile, her lips parting as he saw his meaning strike her.
‘Pen… I found you…’ said Eloise, popping up out of nowhere.
‘You always do…’ said Pen with an edge.
Colin stood a little taller, apparently Penelope seemed to prefer his company to Eloise’s at this moment.
‘Is he boring you with his travels?’ asked Eloise.
‘More fascinating me, actually…’ replied Penelope, but El did not hear her.
‘Only just returned and already in my way…’ Eloise directed at Colin with an annoyed pout.
‘Good to see you too, El…’ he said, with his own edge.
He did not want Pen to leave, almost reaching out for her, and she clearly did not want to go. But Eloise was insistent as she grabbed her friend’s hand.
And Penelope let his sister drag her away, a little frown between her brows, as she looked behind her.
He was wearing his most enigmatic smile…