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“Alright, later!”
The door to the practice space swung shut behind Momoka. Nina watched her go with the subtlety only someone who got in shouting matches in restaurants could manage.
The second the door clicked shut Nina spun around to face the remaining TogeToges. With the poise and tact they expect from her, she blurts out:
“Can girls like girls too?”
The three stare at her. Nina took the opportunity to double down.
“ I was just thinking about how I feel about Mo—about a girl. And how I don’t know if I’ve ever liked a boy, even though it felt like all the other girls in my school were talking about it, but they just seem kinda gross! Plus everyone always says I’m too angry to get a boyfriend anyway. But girls are so soft and pretty and I’d really rather kiss one of them instead! And Momoka’s roommate likes boys right? Even though he’s a boy. Which is great, and I was wondering if girls can do it too!”
Rupa snorted. Tomo elbowed her.
“That’s not weird, is it?”
As her spiel went on, Nina’s confidence quickly evaporated. By the end she wasn’t even looking at the three anymore. She looked nervous in all the ways it usually looked angry or triumphant.
The three looked at each other, then back at Nina.
The girl was very vulnerable right now. This was a very important step for her, even if it was a little bit silly, and the three of them had to treat it with the respect and care it deserves.
They all turned back to each other and held out their fists.
“Rock…”
“Paper…
“Scissors!”
Rupa and Subaru threw paper. Tomo threw a rock. Nina threw a dirty look.
With an extremely audible sigh, Tomo looked up at Nina, making eye contact as best she could. Nina was already glaring at them, which made it easier.
Looking at the girl, she gave her pitch.
“No, it’s a sin, you must never do it. Can I go home nOWWW”
Rupa and Subaru delivered matching thwacks to Tomo’s head.
“Okay okay, I’m kidding! Nina knows I’m kidding!”
Tomo looked back at Nina, who was already tearing up.
“Right. Of course,” she agreed.
Rupa managed to shoot Tomo a dirty look without dropping her smile. Tomo rolled her eyes back, then sighed again. She grabbed one of Nina’s hands with both her own. She looked to Rupa for help, and got a “this is your mess” look back.
Tomo looked at Nina in what she hoped was a tender way. “Listen. We’re about to get kicked out of here anyway, and this isn’t really the venue for a conversation like this.
Nina nodded.
“We’ve got tea back at our place,” she said, as gently as she could manage. “We can talk there?”
It wasn’t meant to, but it came out sounding like a question.
“Okay,” Nina responded. Her voice was very small, and Tomo felt very guilty.
Luckily, that particular practice hall wasn’t too far from Rupa and Tomo’s apartment. It was a quiet ten minute walk through the Kawasaki evening, nobody willing to break the silence Tomo had inadvertently begun.
The atmosphere was tense. They waved goodbye to Subaru, who promised to message them as soon as she got home. She seemed very relieved to be away from the group.
Tomo and Rupa’s apartment was on an upper floor of a run-down-looking highrise. Nina fidgeted in the elevator, eyes flicking over the shabby buttons and dingy lighting. She’d been by before of course, but right now she was desperate to focus on something, anything other than whatever Tomo was about to tell her. It clearly wasn’t anything good, or they wouldn’t need tea!
She was doing her very best not to get angry, because she knew they meant well. Probably. They were at least trying to help, and yelling wouldn’t get them anywhere. But she was getting very frustrated. Why couldn’t they just answer her? Was it really that complicated? Was the answer not just “yes??”
The door dinged and Nina practically jumped out. The three walked down the hallway in silence. Nina briefly took the lead, then realised she didn’t remember which unit they were going to. She slunk back behind a smiling Rupa who already had her keys out.
Once they made it inside the apartment, Rupa shot one more warning glare at Tomo then made herself scarce in her own room.
Water, kettle, heat, cups, tea. Tomo bustled around the kitchen with practiced efficiency. She grabbed the kettle the second it beeped, and poured the exact same amount of water without looking.
The two mugs steamed gently on the kitchen table. Nina watched Tomo. Tomo watched her tea, then sighed and looked back at her baby gay.
“Yes, girls can like girls,” she finally said. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”
Nina exhaled. “Why did you need to drag me all the way over here to tell me that?”
“Thank you for inviting me into your home, Tomo. Thank you very much for the tea, Tomo. Oh, no worries Nina, you’re very welcome.”
“Hey! I was…”
Nina swallowed her pride just a little more.
“Thank you, Tomo, the tea is delicious.”
“You haven’t even… whatever. Listen, Nina, are you sure about this?”
“I… think so? Girls are just… they’re so beautiful you know? So elegant and effortless, even with so much on their shoulders! And some of them can be extremely mean but somehow they’re pretty anyway! Sometimes I see a girl so pretty I feel like I should thank her for just breathing the same air as me.”
“Yeah, okay, you’re definitely gay. That was one of the gayest things I’ve ever heard.”
“Wait, are you making fun of me?” Nina started getting her hackles up.
“A little bit. Listen, Nina. There’s nothing wrong with liking girls, but it’s not… easy. People are going to look at you differently, they’ll look down on you, they’ll say some really horrible things to you.”
“People already do that to me. Did you forget why I dropped out of high school?”
Tomo only knew the broad sketches of that particular story, but that was enough. This poor girl needed several therapists, but all she had was musicians.
“This is different,” Tomo said. “Some people actually do believe gay people are going to burn in hell. In places like Japan women can’t even marry each other. People who’ve never met you are going to say you’d be better off dead, and in some parts of the world you would be! You need to be careful, Nina. You can’t just shout this kind of thing from the rooftops. It isn’t safe for you. I know it’s hard for you to keep your mouth shut, but this time you have to. At least for now.”
“Come on, give me some credit…”
“Nina, half the time you and Momoka are in public you get in a screaming match. You stole a microphone just so you could call out to her. You once delayed a show so you could tell an entire live house that you’re dropping out of school.”
“…point taken.”
“Not every girl likes girls. Most of them don’t, even! And if you tell the wrong person, you can make things very weird or… worse.”
Tomo looked down at her drink, trying not to think too much about the various kinds of “worse” she’d experienced. But Nina was having none of it, and plowed ahead with her stream of questions?
“Then how am I supposed to know if a girl likes other girls or not? Are we just supposed to guess?”
“That’s what a lot of people do, yes. But there’s ways to tell. Lucky for you I’m pretty sure Momoka does.”
“Thank good—HEY how did you know that? I haven’t said it was her!”
“Nina, you haven’t exactly been subtle about it. You’re talking about her constantly, you always want to touch her, you practically worship the ground she walks on! Until I talked to Subaru I assumed the two of you were already dating.”
Nina, who had chosen that moment to sample her tea, promptly choked on it.
“Wh.. what! That’s… What made you think that? Is it really that obvious? Do you think she likes me too?”
Obviously she did, but Tomo was absolutely not stepping on that particular rake.
“I… think that’s something you’re going to have to figure out for yourself. It’s part of the journey, or something.”
“Ugh, thanks sensei. Can’t you just tell me?”
“No, because I don’t know for sure”
Technically not a lie!
“I could guess,” she continued, “but only one person really knows. Honestly I’ve got my doubts about her too.”
“Okay, okay.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll just tell her myself.”
“…Nina did you not hear a single thing I said about being careful?”
“Yeah but she’s probably gay too so it’s fine, right?”
“This band is finished,” Tomo muttered.
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing. It’s not important.”
“Alright, sure. Hey Tomo, it seems like you know a lot about this, are you gay too?”
A cackle came from the direction of Rupa’s room. Tomo shot the closed door a glare.
“It seems we’ve still got some etiquette to go over. Lesson one, it’s generally considered rude to outright ask people if they’re gay.”
“But you just said I should!”
Tomo put her head in her hands. The tea wasn’t that caffeinated but it was definitely going to be a long night.