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Every time they met it left Leon feeling the same. Like he was disgusting. A homewrecker. Like he wasn't worth anything more than a quick fuck to Chris. Like he didn't deserve to be worth more either.
The time they spent tangled in the sheets was almost worth it, that heavy look Chris got in his eyes while plastered on top of him, the sounds he made and how good it made Leon feel. For about five minutes, then the guilt set in like clockwork. Every time.
"Same time?" Chris asked, pulling his shirt over his head and completely oblivious to the turmoil plaguing Leon. "Yeah." Leon replied, easy. There was no other option. He knew it was wrong and it was gross and vile and that he should be ashamed of himself but he could never bring himself to say no. Not to Chris. Not to the only crumb of him he could have.
"You okay?" Chris asked while pausing on his left sock, the right one already snug in place on his foot. He didn't remember him taking them off. Does he always do that? "Yeah, yeah." Leon mumbled, standing. He could go for some caffeine. Caffeine with liquor in it. He shuffled to the 'kitchen' of the hotel room they were in to get started on doing just that. "Y'know, Ethan says a hot bath changes his life. I don't get it but, maybe it'd help?" Chris offered, trying to be nice but only fueling the fire raging inside Leon. Why bring him up at all? When what they'd just done was still so fresh?
But no, he insists. It's just EthanEthanEthan with this guy. Leon huffed, making his coffee with more force than necessary at every turn. "Hm. Maybe." he said, tone clipped. They'd been doing this for over three months, starting when he got back from Romania. Him and Ethan. They weren't together the whole time, Leon doesn't think, he wouldn't have slept with Chris the first time if he knew anyway. But then he and Chris had this arrangement and every now and then he'd bring Ethan up for small talk purposes, Leon could tell. Chris just didn't have much else to say and that was fine. Training is going well. Rose is doing good. Ethan isn't well. Ethan is better! Until every fucking time Chris mentioned him, somewhere along the way letting Leon know they had moved in together. And yet, "same time next week?"
Leon couldn't tell if he was just that good in the sack (he wasn't) or if this was just how Chris was. A person who was willing to purchase a hotel room every other week (they alternated) to cheat on their boyfriend. And that was another thing, Chris never articulated specifically that they were that, but what other conclusion could be drawn? They used to do this at Chris's house and then suddenly he'd wanted to rent a room every week instead. Leon of course found out why quickly after, with the way Chris was seemingly unable to stop gushing about his partner for five fucking minutes, even directly after taking Leon apart. Doesn't that make him feel dirty? Leon feels fucking gross.
He didn't even know Ethan but that didn't matter. It was the principle of not being a cheating bastard. And not entertaining one. Leon realized he'd been thinking for too long, staring at the coffee maker that had finished its task. He prepared his cup and turned around, sipping. Watching Chris gather the rest of his things with something dark clawing at his heart.
He didn't know what the worst part of it was. Chris Redfield, renowned hero, the man that holds Leon's entire heart in his hands, doesn't love him back. Is that the worst part? It can't be. Not when compared to Love Of Your Life Turns Out To Be A Really Bad Guy. Leon couldn't even allow himself to sulk about it without feeling guilty, knowing that being in Ethan's shoes had to be worse. Yeah, that was the worst part. Ethan was the one being fucked over the most.
"Lee?" Chris asked and his head snapped up, it had fallen downward at some point. He stared, a silent 'yeah?' "Did you hear me?" Leon shrugged, "No, sorry." Chris straightened his posture and tried again. "I was asking if it's me, whatever's up with you." He was sitting on the edge of the bed now, facing him. Leon didn't know how long he'd been sitting there watching him watch the floor.
"I guess. The Ethan stuff... bothers me." He admitted, regret already pooling, sloshing thick in his stomach. He's tired and fucked out and not in complete control of his mouth, apparently. "Oh? Okay. I can stop bringing him up." Chris said it like it was no big deal. Leon scoffed, unable to help himself. "That's not really my issue." His coffee was almost gone, and with no liquor. He forgot. Shame.
"Then what's your issue?" Chris asked, slowly, like it genuinely made no sense for him to be upset. Leon tensed, unbelieving that he could love a man like this. This is not okay. He dumped the last drink of his coffee down the drain and left the mug in the sink. His walk to the bed was slow, he pocketed his phone before turning to leave.
"Hey." Chris said, volume a little higher once he'd pieced together what was happening. Leon stayed silent, walking to the door. "See you next week Chris." He ignored the call of his name as the door closed between them.
The next week rolled around and it was like nothing had happened. It was Leon's turn to pay for the night, so he did, and made his way up to the room. Chris arrived just five minutes later and they did what they do best.
He didn't bring up the way Leon left last time but he also didn't bring him up and that was what really mattered, Leon could almost pretend he wasn't repeatedly making the decision to throw his morals in the trash.
_________
Three weeks went by without a mention of him and all was well, aside from the mountain of guilt on legs that was Leon these days. Until week four, when Chris insisted on missionary because "I want to see you" and then dropped an "I love you" in Leon's ear in the middle of railing him.
Leon's eyes shot open and he scrambled back on instinct, not even aware of how desperately he needed to get away from him. "What?" he shouted, way too loud for someone breathing the same air as him. Chris slipped out of him, also scrambling backwards a little. "Sorry—I'm sorry! It just came out I didn't mean it!" His words were rushed and Leon deflated a little. Couldn't help it. I didn't mean it.
"This is too much, I can't—" Leon, remembering the real issue, hurried out of bed and pulled his clothes on like it was a race. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. We can go back to just being us, it's okay—"
Leon couldn't suppress the anger any longer, bottled up and ready to burst. "And what about Ethan, huh?" He asked, voice shaky and understanding that he sounded a little delirious. He buckled his belt and stepped into his shoes at the same time. Chris's eyebrows drew together, confused. "What about Ethan?" Leon laughed, exasperated. "How are you capable of this? This doesn't eat you up inside? You're okay with potentially ruining a man's life? His self esteem at the very least?" Leon was aware that he was almost yelling but he couldn't find it in him to care, this was the last straw. He'd only ever been in one serious relationship and among everything that Ada was, a cheater was not one of them. But he remembered well how devastated Claire had been when it happened to her a few years prior. He remembered how it warped her image of herself and how long she had to work on fixing it. They both did. Chris too, actually, all three of them. So how was he capable of doing that to someone else?
"Leon I think you have the wrong idea." Chris didn't offer anything else. Leon huffed, unbelievably fed up. "I get it, you don't love me. But if you love him enough to help raise his fucking kid and move him into your house you should not be here with me." Leon was fully dressed by this point, ready to go—but something anchored him.
"But Ethan and I aren't together." Chris explained, like it was obvious. Common knowledge. That shocked Leon so much he shut up and quit moving in favor of staring. "You thought... and you still..." Chris couldn't seem to finish the sentence, but Leon didn't need it spelled out for him.
"Yeah. Not fucking happily, I hate myself every day for doing this." As soon as his mouth closed he processed what Chris had said. "You really aren't with Ethan?" He asked, more confused than anything. "No! I'm helping raise his kid 'cause his wife is dead and it's my fault. Are you serious?" Chris seemed genuinely offended. Leon's face grew warm. "I-yeah I. I don't know you live together and you talk about him all the time and we have to rent a room now, what the fuck was I supposed to think?" Leon's eyes fell closed as drew in a deep breath, trying to relax before he did something stupid—like cry.
"You thought I would do something like that?" It sounded so small, unfitting for a man his size. "I didn't want to! What else was I—why do we rent a room?" Leon tried and failed to keep the hurt out of his voice. Chris looked at him like he was stupid. "You're so fucking loud. You know that, right? I didn't want to subject Ethan to extra nightmares, he's traumatized." Chris looked at him like he ought to know this, Leon's mouth fell open. "I can't believe you just said that to me." Chris poorly suppressed a laugh and Leon rolled his eyes. "So, when I said the Ethan stuff bothers me you thought I was just jealous of your roommate?" Leon asked, unbelieving. All of this was ridiculous. "Yeah it was kind of nice actually, let me know the feelings were reciprocated." Chris's smile melted when he remembered he'd actually interpreted that interaction incorrectly. His face turned pink. "Well I mean I thought they were—"
"They are." Leon interrupted before he could ramble on in the wrong direction forever. That award-winning smile was back and it warmed Leon, a welcome feeling he hadn't felt for a while concerning Chris. "So you thought it was mutual and you still didn't make a move?" Leon couldn't help himself. Why? Did he just not want a relationship with him? Was Leon really so bad?
"I didn't know what you wanted and I was afraid if I tried to "what are we" you, you'd run." Chris explained, something resembling a tiny frown occupying his features. Silence fell over them as he thought it over; Leon guessed that was fair. He resumed his position beside Chris silently. He stared at the wall ahead of him, reminiscing on every time he'd brought the guy up. It could've passed for platonic every time, if Leon hadn't misread the situation.
"You must have thought I was a terrible person." Chris broke the silence eventually, softly, and Leon laughed a little at that. "Yeah, I think I would've kept fucking you until I hated you." He realized how incredibly pathetic that sounded after he said it and sighed. "Do you love me then?" Leon wondered if he would still claim he didn't mean it. "Yes." Chris replied in a whisper and Leon nodded, "Okay then." He shed his shirt again and crawled back toward to the headboard, pulling Chris down with him.
"Can we... go on dates? Do the sappy shit?" Leon asked, wrapping himself up in Chris as the larger chuckled. "Try and stop me." With his face buried in a slightly sweaty collarbone, a smile stretched Leon's lips.
He still felt somewhat raw somewhere deep in his chest because of how long he'd been under the wrong impression, but he knew it would heal eventually. They would be okay.
"I love you too, Chris." Leon whispered, snaking his hand around his dick. Chris didn't respond, breathy and still hard despite their pause.
That was the best sex they'd ever had and Leon berated himself for not bringing it up sooner, the absence of guilt let him enjoy himself so much more. Just like in the beginning. "So, Tuesday. Are you busy?" Chris asked, standing and clothing himself. "We moving up to two days a week now? I'm flattered." Leon joked, but Chris didn't seem to think it was funny. "I'm serious. Tuesday. Date. With me. Yeah?" Chris stared at him, waiting. "Yes, sure." Leon laughed, joining him in preparing to leave.
"Good." Chris sounded happy, he looked happy. "Could I come home with you?" Leon immediately backtracked, "I just meant—I'd like to meet him, Ethan." Chris looked up from whatever he was doing again, staring at Leon in surprise. "Really?" was all he said. Leon shrugged, "Yeah. Now that I know I'm not stealing his man, maybe we could hang out." Leon remembered the few times Chris had offered that before in a new light, he knew Leon struggled to make friends and said he thought they'd get along. Leon understood now that it wasn't some sick power play to mess with Ethan's head. Or his own. He was never totally sure.
"Okay, yeah. Sure." Chris smiled, resuming the chore of what turned out to be finding his phone in the duvet. He did eventually, sighing a quick exhale that the search was finally over. "Ready to go?" Chris asked and Leon nodded, following him out like a puppy.
It turned out that Ethan fucking rocked. He was funny and just as clever as Leon and they absolutely decimated Chris in Mario Kart together. "No shame in losing to the best." Ethan mocked, a foolish grin as he stood to get more beer for them. Chris squawked a "Hey!" and turned to Leon with a pout. Something of a "can you believe this guy?" expression. Leon shook his head. "He's right." He said while laying aside his joycons, suddenly wanting to check on (bother) Rose.
He walked to the other side of the room where the crib was, just far enough for any sofa patrons to not bother her with their noise. He wondered if there was a crib in every room of the house, Chris could certainly afford it.
Some time later
Leon was just arriving back home from a shitty job. Two casualties, but the mission had technically been successful. He could never make himself agree when he lost people. He stuck his key into the door of Chris's house—their house—opening it to find the living room empty. Not unheard of, but still disappointing.
He hanged his jacket and took off his boots, planning to wander around rooms until he found someone. He checked the bedroom last, assuming that at three in the afternoon neither of them would still be in there. And there they were.
A sweet smile spread across his face and he lowered his hand from where it grazed against the light switch out of habit. Chris laid on the right side of the bed, with Ethan tucked into his chest. Rose tucked into Ethan's. He couldn't stop the warmth spreading through him if he tried—not that he'd ever want to. They made quite the picture.
He slipped off his shirt and his jeans, ecstatic that medical let him shower after they checked him out. Leon slid into Ethan's space easily, molding around his back. It made the other man stir and Leon felt a little bad. He knew first hand now how hard it was to take care of an infant and he knew Ethan needed the rest, even if he did have Chris and himself to lean on.
"Y'okay?" Ethan mumbled, voice heavy with drowsiness and it clawed at Leon's heart delightfully. "Perfect. Go back to sleep." He kissed the side of Ethan's head and he dropped it back onto Chris in response. "Yes sir." Ethan mumbled, so so tired. Leon could hear it. He chuckled low and squeezed Ethan once, a silent '"I love you."
And he did, he loved what he'd fallen into, unaware when exactly the two of them crossed that line with Ethan but so glad that they did. He thought of what they'd do when they woke up and what they'd do the next day. A year from now. A head full of his boys (and their daughter) lulled him to sleep with a smile on his face.