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He knew he would be alone in the corridor. Word had spread through the proper circles that Dumbledore was tightening security around muggleborns, especially at night. Of course Potter would jump at being a hero; trying to take his ego from being head boy to a new extreme. He clearly delegated himself to strut around the dungeons at night just for a chance to fight.
Earlier that day he had watched him argue with Lily over it. He was standing across the dining hall from them, but her body language was unmistakable: shoulders square, jaw tight, and even being a head shorter than Potter, her eyes pierced through him. They spoke in quick, hushed tones before Lily stormed away with James chasing after her. They moved closer and Snape could start to make out their words.
“ I’m not WEAK,” Her attempt at keeping her voice down was meager at best.
James grabbed at her hand and caught it deftly in mid swing. Lily swung around again, fists clenched.
“ I know, Lils. Trust me, I know,” he pleaded. Hearing his nickname for her stabbed his chest. How dare he be so comfortable with her, especially when it was his fault she was this angry.
“ Then let me come with you–we can do patrols together like usual. I don’t care what Dumbledore says—” despite her words teetering out, her gaze on him held strong. James was still holding her hand but the other remained curled at her side.
“He needs you to work with the others. NOT because you can’t handle it, but because you need to be there for everyone else,” James took a sharp intake of breath. There was a rattle in his chest Snape had never seen before. The air seemed to be caught in James’ throat and his eyes looked heavy.
"You are a target, you know–please, let me finish–I know that doesn’t mean anything to you but if someone like Mulicber or Nott found you—I dunno—It’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”
Snape waited for the blowback. Despite James’ rare upset of emotion, his Lily would never buy it. How dare he diminish her like that…tell her she was incapable—
“ Ok, fine,” Lily huffed. “ But only because only one of us can go— and because I know Mary has been having a rather rough go of it recently.” Both of their bodies softened a bit and James pulled her in and buried his face in her hair. Snape could see his mouth move to say something else, but it was lost to anyone but her. He could feel the acid in his stomach bubbling. Watching them together and rowing was one thing, but to have to see their acts of affection day after day was like an everlooping cruciatus curse.
Now, Snape stood in the small corridor alcove. Perhaps Potter was too thick to realize it, but he was a target just as much as any muggleborn. Mulciber himself had expressed wanting to attack Potter and his crew for sullying the pureblood lines, for “ shagging a mudblood slut ” as he had put it—clearly referring to Lily. For Snape, it was strictly personal.
He could hear James’ footsteps from the adjacent corridor. He was whistling a tune softly under his breath. So arrogant.
He turned the corner and started towards where Snape was standing, but stopped some paces away. Snape held his breath and there was a moment of silence.
James made a dramatic sigh, then spoke. “I’m really not in the mood Snivellus–”
Before he could finish his sentence, Snape jumped out. Stupefy !
James must have known where he was standing because he dodged the curse with relative ease, putting a ruddy parchment in his back pocket and brandishing his wand at the same time.
James flicked his wand at Snape and he felt a soft burning sensation start to crawl up his arm. Snape needed to move quickly before it spread to the rest of his body.
Bombarda! A blast hit the side of the rock wall and scattered dust. James stepped back wiping his glasses. Snape took the moment as his best opportunity.
Incarcerous.
James’ body fell to the floor as though thousands of ropes had wrapped around him. He thrashed, watching his wand roll towards the far side of the corridor.
It was too easy . Snape whispered a counterspell at his arm which stopped the increasing burning sensation. Potter continued to twist on the ground, but his wand was too far out of reach to be any help.
Snape stood over him and watched for a moment. It was a very rare experience to see Potter so incapacitated. He could feel the smile cracking at the sides of his face.
This was the perfect moment. He wasn’t stupid; he knew that Potter and his little crew were already planning on joining Dumbledore against the Dark Lord the second they left school. Knowing Dumbledore, he had already confided in them secrets that would be valuable to the death eaters. Defeating Potter was a victory in itself, but to get in the good graces of the Dark Lord too? There was no greater luck.
Snape twirled his wand tauntingly. From his writhing, James had dislodged his glasses and they hung from one ear. Snape wanted to remember this look forever.
Legilimans.
The corridor blurred around him, he had the feeling of being sucked towards James for an instant, but then found himself standing in a rather plush living room. He was small: a child. An elderly man with crooked glasses was handing him a broomstick with a golden bow on top.
Crack
He’s still a foot shorter. His arm is around a young Lupin who is sporting fresh cuts along his body. His clothes are shabby and torn in comparison to his.
“I’ve never told anyone before —If you don’t want to be my mate I-I understand.”
He can feel his hand tighten around Lupin’s shoulder. His mouth moves and he hears James’ voice come out.
“We’re going to figure it out, together.. There’s got to be a way for it to be better–right?”
Lupin has tears forming in his eyes. He laughs.
Crack
They are older. In a room filled with Quidditch posters and stagnate pictures of muggle rock bands, a younger Sirius looks down at a pile of opened books. His hair cascading around his face and a cigarette hanging from his mouth.
“It sounds doable mate. Look—”
Crack
He’s back in his own body for a moment. Potter’s eyes are wide and burning. He is trying his best to block him, and seems to have succeeded for a moment, but it takes just another push and the corridor blurs once more.
She couldn’t be older than 4th year. He knew because she wore her hair just past shoulder length then. Her head bowed to a textbook open between them. She lets out a laugh: a real laugh. His hand moves to turn the page and brushes hers. A small blush forms on her cheeks. Is this when it began? All the way before 6th year? He could remember her giving him glances before, but had always assumed they were of the disgust she claimed to have for him whenever probed. Had he misread her?
Before he could watch what she did next, she disappeared into smoke with another Crack . His vision was different now. His eyesight was no higher than a few feet off the ground. He could smell earth and an oncoming rainstorm. He felt all his senses heightened and he watched the trees of the forbidden forest sway with the shift in weather.
A still young Sirius sat back in shock on the ground. He breathed heavily but his smile enveloped his face.
“ Blimey James, You’ve bloody done it!” Sirius lets out a cathartic laugh.
What had he done? Snape didn’t understand.
Crack.
He was standing back in the corridor again. James had inched himself closer to his wand and was in the process of shifting to be able to reach it.
“What did you do?” Snape screamed, despite knowing he was unable to answer. Snape took a step forward and kicked the wand farther away and James’ eyes darkened with malice.
“You’re too weak, as expected.” James closed his eyes. He looked like he was focusing hard. Perhaps he was trying to tuck everything he didn’t want Snape to see away in his mind. Snape let out a laugh.
“What’s wrong Potter? Not such a top student in Occlumency I see.” James furrowed his brow. Snape flicked his wand and the corridor disappeared again.
His eyesight was normal again and he was older now. He could feel the weight of a quidditch kit on his shoulders. She was there again, looking closer to how she looked now. There was color on her cheeks much like the last memory of her. She reached out her hand and placed it softly on his arm.
“ Good Luck, Potter.” Her eyes rose to his and she gave a small smile. She had looked at Snape a thousand times, but never like that. With a quiet tenderness, not of friendship but of timid attraction.
Snape felt his own heart flutter, despite it not being directed at him.
Crack.
There’s a flash of red hair. The smell of roses. Lips moving against his. He feels her hands reaching up to curl into his hair as she sighs into his mouth, letting his tongue wander into hers. She’s flushed and pressing herself up against him.
When was this? 6th year? Later? They are in an empty classroom and the flickering lights signal that it's late at night; perhaps she was doing rounds.
Disgust and joy mix in his stomach. He had always dreamed of holding her—kissing her like this. How could Potter have been so lucky? How did she allow herself to be tricked by him so easily?
Another Crack.
Perhaps the real James was doing it on purpose--using memories of her to either drive him insane or to push away the real secrets that hid beyond. If it was true, he was succeeding on all accounts.
Again the smell of roses. He felt her hands moving deftly around his chest. She was on top of him— no, not just on top of him, riding him. Her face was flushed, eyes blown-out and staring with an ecstatic yearning. She was still clothed, but her white blouse had been unbuttoned and the pink curve of a nipple peaked out behind the fabric. It took moments of shock before he could actually take in how good he felt. There was a heat mounting from where their bodies connected underneath her skirt. She leaned forward to put her lips against his neck; her nipples hard against his body.
“ James, I think I’m going to come.”
Crack.
Snape, back in his own body, slammed a fist against the stonewall of the corridor. He had known they fancied each other. He had known they were going out–had seen them too many times flaunting their relationship and snogging around the classrooms and corridors. But he didn’t know that they had done that.
Snape’s heart pounded. On one hand the exhilaration of seeing Lily in such a state of desire—it was all he ever wanted. More than the good graces of the Dark Lord, more than any power anyone could give him. But not from his eyes.
He gave James a swift kick to the stomach and James made a muffled wince of pain.
“ Stop toying with me,” Snape roared. He had half the mind to keep kicking him until James’ face no longer resembled the beloved Quidditch hero everyone fawned over, but he needed to try one last time.
At this point Snape couldn’t tell what he wanted: to finally get the information he needed or to see Lily, as vile as it was, vicariously through Potters’ eyes.
She was there again. He felt her skin pressing on his. They were both naked, lying in a four poster bed that was shrouded by curtains. She layed half draped over his body while his hand moved absentmindedly though her hair.
This couldn’t have been, by his judgment, more than just weeks ago.
Her body felt soft and warm, if not flushed with sweat from activities that had clearly just ended.
She sat up abruptly, leaning one of her elbows on his chest. It was difficult to ignore the feel of her breast touching him lightly when her chest rose and fell against him.
She looked at him. The green in her eyes was still deep and heavy from sex; her hair fell in a ruffled mess around her face.
“ I love you.” She said it so simply. It rang out into the air and hovered there. He could feel James’ body tighten. There was a feeling of flying;of absolute joy within his chest.
“ Don’t respond yet. Please. Just— let it exist by itself for a second.” In any other circumstance it would sound like chiding.
“ I love you.” She repeated. James’ hand reached out and grabbed her chin while the other snaked around her body, twisting her so he laid on top. Their lips found each other, and he could feel how absolutely ravenous his body was for her. She responded to him, holding onto him tightly and running a hand through the hairs on the nape of his neck.
“ I love you too. Merlin, I love you. I love you. “ The words were tumbling out and Lily laughed underneath him, before letting out a sigh as his mouth started to kiss it’s way down her neck and towards the rest of her body—
Crack
He hadn’t noticed that he had started crying. He had clearly been crying for a moment as his nose had already begun to run and his cheeks were stained. He only had time to wipe his face before a voice rang out.
Expelliarmus.
His wand flew back. She was there. Not in one of Potter’s memories but in the flesh. She looked much like she did in the last memory he saw, but instead of pure adoration in her eyes, there was a dark hatred. She ducked down and whispered an incantation on James, which freed him from his binding.
James quickly jumped up, grabbed his wand and slashed it in the direction of Snape, which pushed him back into the wall with crushing force, knocking the wind from his chest.
Snape pushed himself to stand and moved to make a cutting motion in the air, but Lily jumped in front of James, arms outstretched.
“Sev. STOP.”
It was almost ironic. The last time he had seen her stand like this, she was protecting him from Potter.
He could hear her words ringing in his head still. I love you. But not to him.
Before he even recognized he was saying it, he cried out at her.
“How dare you love him. After everything.” He knew he probably looked like a child; tears staining his face and dirty from the explosion earlier. Lily didn’t move from her stance but gave him a confused look. James moved forward and tried to muscle his way past her.
“He knows how to use Legilimency Lily, he’s trying to—” but Lily pushed him back, giving Snape a small pang of satisfaction to see a bit of his Lily come through.
She turned back to him, the confusion lost and her features now hardlined.
“ How dare I? Dare I?” Her eyes were slits. This all felt remarkably familiar to Snape. He took a step back. The last time they rowed like this, she was still his friend; still saw Potter for what he was. Now, he didn’t know what she would do to him.
But she did nothing other than speak in a flat, emotionless tone.
“I’ll give you one chance Sev. Walk away.” James looked ready to retort, but Lily held him back with one hand.
“Please.” She was giving him an out. Even he knew he didn’t deserve it. James’ eyes seared into him. Did you see what you wanted? Snape wanted to tear his face apart for everything James had been able to do that he couldn’t. Everything he was for her, that he wasn’t.
Snape turned his back and felt both Lily and James’ eyes on him for a while before he could hear Lily relax. He turned just slightly to watch them. Lily now fussed with his scratched and ruddy face and James talked in quick, rough whispers to her. She kissed the side of his temple and James’ eyes caught his before he turned the corner. It didn’t matter if he had technically won the duel with him. James’ eyes reflected what Snape felt inside his gut.
You lost.