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Does anyone ever really know the feeling of claws digging their way into their lungs before slowly being ripped out? Imagine a sore throat but with thorns prickling out of your mouth. Suffocating on their feelings. Feelings so strong they could change the way someone lived. Breathed.
Eddie Dear believes he sees the best in everything. From the grumpiest of neighbors and the smallest of the fluttering critters that would occasionally make their way into his post office. Even if they make his skin crawl. Cue the grumpy neighbor.
Frank Frankly was considerably more interesting than the neighbors gave him credit for. Sure he wasn’t putting on dazzling plays or baking scrumptious treats, but he could name off every type of bug and flower off the top of his head. He tended to his garden with such care that almost every veggie and fruit came out perfect. It’s the little things that Eddie admired.
Eddie didn’t consider himself a green thumb, he would probably end up squashing half of the poor plants. Now, ask him about delivering mail on time and the different types of stamps and he could confidently say yes.
He took pride in his work and everyone took note of it. He never missed his morning routine. It was the favorite part of his day, gathering all the mail and passing them out, as well as saying hello to his friends.
If he was lucky enough to escape from Barnaby, which he could usually outrun, he would slow down just enough to try and catch Frank outside.
Today was just like every other day, the sun is bright and warm over the neighborhood. Frank was an early bird like Eddie and is out watering his flowers. Eddie sees him from his usual path and starts taking smaller steps to savor his time, he starts fishing the mail from his satchel as he approaches.
Eddie takes out the brightly colored envelopes and places them with extra care into Frank’s mailbox. Frank glances up and gives his usual greeting, “Good morning, Mr. Dear.”
Like clockwork Eddie smiles sweetly and tips his hat at Frank, “Mornin’ Mr. Frankly! How are the plants this year?”
Frank take’s off his gloves and wipe his hands on his pants, “I believe these buds are almost ready to bloom. They are early this season.” Frank wasn’t usually prideful but he was proud of his garden.
Eddie looks over to the bush and notices purple buds peaking out of dark green leaves.
“Er, what kind of flowers are those again?”
Frank kneels, pulls his gloves back on, and picks up a hand pruner before cutting away dead parts of the bush.
“Lilacs,” Frank continues to focus on his gardening, his eyes squint a little and he bites the bottom of his lip as he trims away at the brown leaves. So much attention and focus on something seemingly so little.
Eddie nods and catches himself staring before he straightens up, “Well I’ll leave you to your work, have a great day Frank!”
He marches off back to his post office, he didn’t even notice the itch in the back of his throat.
~~~~~
Allergies are ablaze this season, at least that’s what Eddie assumed as he walked to Howdy’s for medicine. He steps into the bodega and the cool air inside makes his arms prickle. The humidity was sticking to his skin making him shudder. The bell in the doorway catches the caterpillar’s attention.
“G’morning there Eddie, come in, cool off a bit.” Howdy greets him as he refills the shelves behind him with cans.
Eddie smiles sheepishly and walks down the small aisle that acts as the town pharmacy.
“Good morning to you, Howdy. Geez you are staying as cold as ice in here. I wouldn’t be surprised if a family of penguins moves in next.”
Howdy half listens to Eddie’s rambling as he finishes his last row , “That’s right Eddie, say your voice is a little scratchy. Getting sick?”
Eddie picks up a small white box of pills and subconsciously rubs his throat, “Nothing some allergy medicine won’t fix!”
He goes up to the counter and Howdy turns around, he smiles politely and looks at him for a moment, “You seem a bit tired, Eddie. Are you sure you shouldn’t just take a day or two off?”
Eddie shook his head and was surprised that Howdy would even suggest that. As someone who also had an everyday job, he would know how quickly he could get backed up. Besides, how else would the neighbors get their mail?
Although, if Eddie thought about it, he did get out of bed that morning more sluggish than usual…
No. Out of the question.
Eddie puts on his best smile, “The concern is mighty appreciated, Howdy. But I’m healthier than a horse!”
The bell to the door rang and a familiar blue beagle walked in with a smaller shadow behind him. Eddie gave Howdy his mail in exchange for the pills.
He put the medicine away as his friends approached. Wally looked up and had a sheepish smile, “Hi Howdy, Hi Eddie.” He looked at Eddie’s satchel where he just put away his pills, “are you sick Eddie?”
Eddie clears his throat, “Oh it’s nothing’, just allergies. I better get going, there’s still a lot of mail to be sorted.” He smiles and makes his way to the door.
Wally waves, “Bye Eddie, we hope you feel better.” He thought he heard Barnaby crack a joke but his throat was bothering him more now. He marches home and goes inside his post office before taking a pill. He hated the feeling of it going down his throat. He gazed a little before drinking some water and getting to his unsorted mail pile.
The neighbors usually would drop off mail whenever they wanted and Eddie would do his best to sort it and have it delivered the next day.
He already recognized several of the colored letters, Julie’s were usually bright pink or yellow with hearts drawn on them. Wally kept to traditional white, a few paint stains would make their way onto his letters now and again.
Eddie smiles and feels himself relax. The medicine was working already!
A dark blue letter was sticking out of the pile. Frank liked using cooler colors. His letters were also the neatest, no crinkles or paper busting at the seams. They were very polite, like him. It was addressed to Julie, it was sweet that even thought she lived right next door that he still wrote to her.
The thought of Frank always made Eddie’s face heat up. His feelings for his bug loving neighbor were never a mystery to him. He liked Frank very much, even if he never told him. Why would he? His friendship with Frank was more than he could ever hope for, and it wasn’t worth ruining over a few feelings. His throat started itching again.
Eddie assumes he is Frank’s friend, maybe not as close as Julie but still close enough that he would write to Eddie almost daily. Eddie would keep those letters pinned on his wall. They talked about the variety in his garden or he would ramble about whatever new and wacky game Julie would make up and convince him to play.
He clears his throat a little harder when the burning starts. He sets Frank’s letter down and sips more water.
Eddie sighs and notices his chest feels sore. Oh no, maybe Howdy was right about him getting sick. The thought that he might have to stay inside to rest and keep from getting his neighbors sick makes his anxiety go up.
Maybe if he started getting rest sooner rather than later he would feel much better. The medicine was making him rather drowsy.
Begrudgingly, Eddie pushes all the mail aside and strolls into the backroom he made into a bedroom.
He changed into his pjs and shimmied under his quilt. He remembers when his mother had started stitching it for him, he was much smaller. Probably no bigger than a toddler. Eddie could almost feel her love in every patch, he was safe and surrounded by warmth.
He slowly drifts off to sleep.
~~~~
Later the warmth he felt intensified, so much that it woke him up in a feverish haze. His throat was dry and he felt it itching worse than before.
He rolls off the bed and grunts as he hits the floor. He sits up and rubs his eyes. What time was it? It was dark but he doubted it was anywhere close to morning.
Eddie coughs harshly and wonders why he feels so out of breath. He never feels so out winded, even when Barnaby chases him down the road.
He reaches his hand up and searched the nightstand before he found what he was looking for. When he took ahold of the water bottle he drowned it all in one gulp. He was still thirsty so he got up and went to find another bottle. He hopes it isn’t like this all spring.
~~~~
Sure enough, his problems didn’t go away. The next few weeks he had the constant itch in his throat and the burn was slowly starting to get harder to live with. He started taking more medicine and carefully counting out his pills for when he could take his next dose. He was always tired and he was slowing down in his morning routine.
Howdy had noticed this increased intake and when Eddie was back for more he almost didn’t give him any.
“Eddie I’m starting to think you need to see a doctor. You are taking way too many to be healthy.” Howdy says as he looks at the mailman over.
Eddie stares at him, he didn’t want to admit that his limbs felt heavier and his chest hurt more than it ever has. He just shakes his head and gave his best attempt at a smile, “I…um…just need to prepare for next year. It’s almost summer and next season will be here before we know it. Besides I feel right as rain.”
Howdy frowned a little, not believing him. But he gave him the medicine anyway, “Just don’t go taking it all at once…”
Eddie took the medicine and scurried off, leaving Howdy there with a worried look. Eddie nearly ran into Wally and Barnaby on his way out.
“Geez where’s the fire?” Barnaby shouted but Eddie was already out the door.
Eddie was trying to put away the boxes of medicine into his mailbag when he bumped into someone and spilled everything onto the ground.
“Oh biscuits!” He looks up and Frank was standing there holding a book in his hands, “Pardon me! I’m sorry Mr. Dear I didn’t even see- oh my, are these yours?” He kneels down next to Eddie who was quickly trying to stuff all the items that spilled from his bag. Frank picks up a box and looks it over curiously.
Eddie chuckles nervously, “Most of it, yes. Sorry about that, let me just get those..” he hesitates to take the box from Frank who looks up at him.
Frank took note of the dark circles under Eddie’s eyes and his usually rosy cheeks were pale.
“I uh, just a little under the weather that’s all.” Eddie stood up and his chest was aching terribly.
Frank nods but his natural frown seemed to deepen, “I don’t want to seem nosy Mr. Dear but you don’t seem all to well. Are you getting enough rest?”
Eddie’s heart starts beating faster, something in his chest had begun to grow unbeknown to him. His throat starts feeling scratchy.
“Oh, I just have some bad allergies. It’ll pass soon.” Eddie’s attempt at a smile was unconvincing.
Frank didn’t want to push the issue, “Alright then, just remember not to push yourself too hard.” Frank gives the box back and as Eddie takes it from him their fingers brush.
Eddie freezes and nearly stumbles away, “Thanks for your help, Frank!” He hopes Frank didn’t see his face since he was now a blushing mess.
He doesn’t see Frank left standing there baffled.
What was wrong with him? It was usually so easy to be around Frank, it was one of the things he loved-
Eddie made it to the outside of his door when it felt like the air was knocked from his lungs. He gasped and gagged on something trying to come out of his throat.
He fell to his knees as he scratched at his throat. He heaved and finally spit out what was choking him.
On the ground in front of Eddie were clumps of purple pedals. Small and speckled with blood.
He stared at it for a moment. What the hell was it?
Eddie looked around to make sure no one had witnessed what just happened. Thankfully he was in the clear. He picks up the pedals and runs inside. Today was the first day he had ever locked the post office door and set up a closed sign.
He was shaking and his eyes had tears in them. Was this what was making him so sick? Where did they come from? Certainly, he didn’t swallow a seed and now he had flora growing in him.
Gosh, now he felt sick. It’s no wonder the medicine wasn’t helping.
He needed something else to help. Or someone. He sat down on his bed and placed the pedals on his bedside carefully.
Eddie fiddled with the phone for a moment before gathering the courage and calling.
After a few rings, Frank picked up, After he went home from his unusual interaction with Eddie he sat down his favorite book to reread.
“Hello? Julie I already told you I don’t know where Sally hid your jump rope.”
Eddie sat silent for a moment before swallowing hard, winching at the soreness, “N-No Frank it’s just me.”
Frank sat up in his chair, “Oh Mr. Dear, sorry I thought it was Julie. She was calling me all morning.”
Eddie twisted the phone cord around his fingers, “Ah that’s alright. I imagine she had her reasons.”
He could almost hear Frank rolling his eyes, “She thinks Sally is hiding her jump rope after she accidentally fell into a stage prop. Hardly anything worth a fuss about.”
Eddie’s voice felt like it was getting scratchier, “Hey now uh I don’t want to keep you long but I had a few questions. About flowers?”
Frank closed his book and set it aside, “You called to ask me about flowers?”
Eddie turned away from the phone to cough, he put it back to his face, “Yes I..I’m sorry I didn’t want to bother-“
“No, it’s quite all right! I’m just surprised. What was it you wanted to know?” Frank sat on the edge of his seat.
Eddie licked his dry lips and rubbed his chest, “Well I suppose I was wondering if you can get sick from them.”
Frank raised his unibrow, “Sick? Allergies and poisonous flowers would be the only things to worry about.”
“Oh okay uh, nothing else? Perhaps accidentally…inhaling them?”
Frank thought for a moment Eddie might have been trying to make a joke, “That’s not a concern most people have. If so I would be bursting by now.”
Eddie sat silent for a moment, maybe Frank didn’t know. Or maybe it was Eddie who was the problem.
He must have been quiet for to long because Frank spoke up, “Does this have anything to do with how you’ve been feeling lately?”
The question caught Eddie off guard and there was a strange tone in Frank’s voice.
“I’ve been…actually I have been feeling off for awhile.” Eddie felt defeated and if he told someone about it maybe he would feel better. Or at least a little less alone.
“What’s been happening? I’m no doctor but I’ll try to help anyway I can Eddie.” It was the way Frank said his name that caused Eddie to suddenly choke. He dropped the phone and went into another coughing fit.
Frank called his name on the other end of the line but Eddie couldn’t see straight. His vision was blurry with tears.
Something bigger had forced itself up his windpipe and it took a hard cough to log it free.
Eddie gasps and sits on the floor trying to compose himself.
His heart pounds in his ears, and his body is shaking from the fear and lack of oxygen.
In front of Eddie was now a bundle of tiny purple flowers. They were stuck together with blood and spit.
He glanced at his bedside where he put the pedals from earlier and they match almost perfectly.
Eddie remembered that Frank was on the phone and picked it back up, “H-Hello?” He croaked out. But the line was dead.
There was a loud knock and Eddie jumped, Who could that be?
Eddie quickly scrambled all the flowers together and tossed them in the trash bin by his desk. He tries to straighten out his clothes as he clumsily makes his way to the front door.
Frank was peering in the windows, and he was nearly panicked when Eddie suddenly stopped talking and sounded like he was having trouble breathing. So he made his way to the post office almost in a full sprint.
Eddie was fighting back the urge to cough when he unlocks and opens the door. Frank steps inside, “What happened?! Are you alright?!” Frank looks Eddie up and down, “Is that blood?”
Eddie looks down and spots blood on his shirt, “I uh, you see I had a spell and I coughed a little blood up but it’s n-not that bad.” His voice was uneven. Frank was clutching a book in his hands, “I brought you this to answer any more flower questions,” Frank's voice wavers for a moment, before he gives him the book he lingers, “I really think we should get you to a doctor. I thought these past few weeks you were just overworking to exhaustion again but…now I’m worried it’s worse.”
Eddie looks at him, and he always could get lost in Frank’s eyes. They were dark and reflected the light around them. He sighs and takes the book, “You…you might be right. I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to worry-“
Frank touched Eddie’s shoulder and squeezed it gently, “Don’t apologize for things you have no control over. We will figure this out. I’ll come by tomorrow and we will get you checked out. Okay?”
It was more comforting to know that Frank had his back than anything a doctor could offer him.
Since his throat was raw and he didn’t want to sound meek, Eddie nodded his head.
Frank relaxes a bit, he knows Eddie must be feeling worse than he thinks, he half expected him to fight tooth and nail before accepting help.
Eddie felt his skin burning under Frank’s hand, which was still on his shoulder. He steps away with his book and coughs into his hand. He taps on the cover and then his head to gesture that he will start reading it. Frank took that as his sign to leave, “Alright I’ll be back tomorrow. Goodnight and get plenty of rest, Mr. Dear.”
Frank turns to leave but pauses at the door, he looks at Eddie, “I won’t tell our friends about this, after all they don’t need to worry and I’m sure you want to keep this private.”
Eddie nodded frantically, the last thing he wanted was everything crowding around and making a fuss over him.
Frank leaves. There was more he wanted to say but he didn’t feel it was the right moment.
Now that Eddie had a plan set in motion maybe he could settle down for a while.
He goes to his room and ignores the trash bin with his self grown flowers. Those might be handy.
He fishes one out and looks it over. Inside of a single flower like a rose, this was a bunch of tiny flowers crowded together. The purple was almost violet.
Eddie made the mental note and flipped through the pages of Frank’s book. He got almost halfway before coming to a bookmarked page. Actually two pages were bookmarked.
The first was marked on gardenias. It showed a picture of a small white flower, and different sections were highlighted. The symbolism part especially, gardenias meant harmony, gentleness, and hope. That’s funny, he’s never seen those in Frank’s garden before. Why would he have the whole section marked?
The second bookmark was exactly what Eddie was looking for, the top of the page was titled ‘Lilacs’
Eddie furrowed his eyebrows together, It looked almost the same as the ones he threw up, the picture had flowers much fuller and more vibrant. Didn’t Frank say he had lilacs? He was reminded of the bright purple flowers that just a few weeks ago had been buds, he passed by every day without a second thought. Below the photo was a summary and underneath that was the meaning: purple lilacs are commonly associated with first love.
First love.
Love at first sight.
The first feeling associated with love.
Love
Eddie wasn’t the type of person to deny how he feels, maybe he had been oblivious. But in that moment it was like something clicked together. Frank and the flowers were connected, and Eddie Dear was in love with Frank Frankly.
The realization should have been a moment of adrenaline and excitement. Being in love is always said to be the best feeling in the world.
However, all he felt was dread. A sharp stab in his chest made him double over in pain. He groans and grips his throat as another flower, more developed this time, falls from his mouth. And another. And another. And another.
Does anyone ever really know the feeling of claws digging their way into their lungs before slowly being ripped out? Imagine a sore throat but with thorns prickling out of your mouth. Suffocating on their feelings. Feelings so strong they could change the way someone lived. Breathed. Loves.