Chapter Text
Henry stops in his tracks to take a deep breath.
Christ, he still can't believe this is really happening.
A couple of years ago after his father took his last breath, Henry promised himself he'd never take a step back into the oncology wing of the hospital.
This isn't the same hospital, it's not even the same country, but Henry is still about to walk into the cursed wing.
He has no bloody choice because the universe hates him.
Just when Henry thought he was finally going to get to live the twenties he dreamed about, when he finally met a guy who treated him right, who Henry didn't have to subtly remind about aftercare, and who seemed genuinely interested in Henry beyond just sexual pleasure...The worst thing imaginable happened.
His biggest fear came true.
He had just had the best date of his life and the sex with Alex had been incredible.
So Henry didn't know why he felt so off...
He kept postponing until he'd finally gathered the courage to go to the doctor to check out what was happening to him.
Percey, Bea and Philip had almost convinced him everything was fine, so the worried look in the doctor's eyes after his blood test came back and he had to make follow-up appointments had almost shocked Henry.
Almost.
He'd allowed himself to continue seeing Alex through out the check ups fase as they sent the biopsy results to the lab, in the hopes Henry and his doctor had been worried about nothing.
But when the damned cancer diagnosis came regardless, Henry forced himself to cut things off with Alex.
He knew all too well how much it hurt to lose a loved one to cancer, he couldn't afford to do that to anyone else.
So he made a rule with himself; cut off contact with everyone who wasn't already attached to him.
No more small talk with his favorite barista, no more lunch dates with colleagues, no more smiling at strangers in bars, no more making new friends at parties, no more introducing himself to new people, no more dates with the man he was pretty sure was supposed to be the love of his life.
This way if he died he'd hurt as few people as possible.
Ofcourse he couldn't get rid of his siblings and Percy, and other long-term friends, but he could still get rid of Alex, so he did.
Except after he'd completed the rest days that came after his first round of chemo, right before his second round of chemotherapy appointments started, he broke his rule.
Even though they'd only been on four dates, He missed Alex so much and his heart ached every time he ignored the sweet messages, so he'd allow himself to slip up once.
He'd just been through a hellish month, he deserved a little pick-me-up, right? He just wanted to hold him one more time before he accepted that one way or another cancer took yet another person from Henry.
He agreed to meet Alex in his apartment, not wanting to go on a diner date in case he got nauseous again like he always seemed to be these days.
The 5th date had been as perfect as all the others
Alex hugs him excitedly as soon as he opens the door.
"Hey, oh my god, it's so nice to finally see you again! I was kind of scared you were ghosting me", he chuckles as he lets Henry inside
Henry feels sick of guilt, he hates mistreating Alex, he deserves so much better, but Henry doesn't want to break his heart with the diagnosis either. "I've just been busy at work", he lies.
Alex smiles. "I totally understand, I-" he cuts himself off with a frown. "Babe, have you eaten dinner yet?"
Henry nods.
It's not a lie, he did have dinner, just not the kind of dinner an average twenty-something eats, but the 400 calorie nutridrinks in yogurt strawberry flavor, are about the only thing he can stomach in between chemo sessions.Christ, he's only had one round of chemo sessions, his next round of sessions starts tomorrow.
And already he's nauseous and tired 24/7.
As well as losing nails and hair, although it's not noticeable just yet.
Alex frowns. "I don't mean to be rude, but have you been taking care of yourself? Believe me, I know what it feels like to get lost in work. But, sweetheart, you've still got to get plenty of rest, food and sleep. No offense, baby, you're so gorgeous, but you look like you lost weight. This worries me because you didn't need to lose weight. I'm not skinny shaming or anything, I'm just worried. Are you sure I can't cook you up something real quick? It's no hardship at all."
Henry smiles. "That's sweet of you, but I'm okay, Alex."
Alex bites his lip. "Are you sure? I'm worried about you, Hen. I know this is only our 5th date, but if no one has told you this before, let me be the one; you don't need to lose any weight, sweetheart."
Henry squeezes his waist reassuring. "I'm alright, darling. I'm not dieting. I promise. I've just been sick. "
Alex tilts his head like the world's cutest confused puppy. "Sick?" He repeats softly.
Henry cringes. "Nothing horrible. Just the stomach flu, but I lost some weight because of it. I'll be as good as new before you know it", he lies.
Alex frowns again. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have come over, I make a mean chicken soup."
Henry chuckles. "I'm sure you do, dear. But that's not really a 5th date kind of thing."
"We're not seeing other people, right?" Alex asks then.
Henry shakes his head. "No, there is no one else", he answers truthfully.
Then he sighs "But that doesn't mean you should have to take care of me this early on."Alex rolls his eyes at him. "Next time you need me, you call me."
"I will", Henry lies, christ, if only he wasn't diagnosed right after meeting Alex.
He's been waiting his whole life to hear those words from a man who means them.
Alex grins. "Glad we cleared that up, what did you want to do tonight?"
Henry smirks. "More like who", he teases.
He clears his throat. "I'm not giving you a blow job today though. My mouth feels sore and dry. But I'm up for sex if you are too?"
Alex chuckles. "Well, I'm not saying no to that. But I'm doing all the work. You don't need to burn any more calories. Can I give you a blow job? Or do the restrictions go both ways? And can I kiss you with my tongue? Or does your mouth hurt too much for that?"
He's so considerate, Henry wants to cry.
Henry shrugs with a smile. "If you're okay with giving a blowjob without getting one in return, it's fine by me. But yeah, I can be a pillow princess for the night."
it's a great idea because Henry isn't technically allowed to exercise, but his doctor said it's okay for him to have sex as long as he's up for it.
Not immediately after chemotherapy, because there can be waste in your body fluids, but a few days later he should be fine to kiss and do other fun things like have sex, as long as he listens to his body and keeps in mind that his immune system is weakened.
"Got it. Was that a yes or a no to tongue-kissing?"
Henry bites his lip. He loves French kissing Alex, but the idea doesn't sound pleasant with all the swears in his dry and sore mouth.
He sighs. "No tongue tonight, sorry."
Alex rolls his eyes at him. "Don't apologize for that, now come here, it's been too long."
Alex grins before kissing him and bringing a hand to his hair, to tug at it lightly, probably remembering how much Henry loved that last time.
Henry freezes and Alex instantly pulls back. "You okay, baby?"
Henry nods. "Yes, I'm fine. Just... don't tug at my hair, please. I liked it the last four times, I promise. I fully consented. I just don't want it tonight, if that's okay?"
He can't afford to lose any more hair without it starting to become noticeable and the last thing he wants to do is freak Alex out.
Alex kisses him again. "Gotcha, no hair pulling. Anything else I should know?'
Oh you know, just that i recently underwent chemotherapy and I have my next appointment tomorrow.
Oh and there is a 58% I won't be here this time next year
Henry shakes his head, even though it's again a lie.
He should tell Alex, he just doesn't have the heart to watch his reaction.
He does still have to tell him that they'll need to use a condom.
He doesn't want Alex to think he's been sleeping around, since they didn't use condoms the other four times they made love, but henry read somewhere his sperm could have toxics in them after chemotherapy and he certainly doesn't want to accidentally expose Alex to toxicity.
He clears his throat. "Before we start, i know we don't do this, but I want to use a condom. I know we're both clean and I promise I'm not cheating, it's just-"
Alex stops him. "You don't have to explain yourself or justify that. If you don't consent to sex without a condom, it would litteraly be assault for me to not use a condom. So if any one ever made you feel bad or pressured you into going raw when you didnt wan't to... well then they're my new enemy. You're in luck because I just bought new condoms. I thought you know... hot date tonight, you never know", he teases.
Henry smiles. "Perfect."
"Perfect", Alex whispers.
"For the record I want to use a condom. You don't have to. It's a sperm thing. I-'
Alex squeezes his hand. "Again, you don't have to justify yourself. Let's just both use condoms."
Henry nods before kissing him.
'Still in the mood after all that?" He asks teasingly.
Alex smirks. "I'm pretty sure I could always get it up for you", he tells him, before carrying him to the bedroom.
Suddenly Henry remembers his doctor's stern look when he reminded him his immune system cannot be compromised.
"Before we do anything I have to ask, you're clean right?" Henry asks softly.
Alex raises an eyebrow at him from where he'd been unbottoning his jeans. " like you said, I thought we were exclusive? So yes. I got tested before we started seeing each other."
Henry shakes his head. "No, I didn't mean- I meant like in general. No cold or anything? You're not sneezing? Nothing like that? I'm... I'm visiting a cancer patient tomorrow and their immune system can not be compromised."
Alex nods. "Oh. Yeah, I'm all good. Clean bill of health."
Henry smirks. "Well, then what are we waiting for?"
They undress each other and collapse onto the bed kissing.
Alex gently opens him up and pushes him carefully.
it feels nice... for all of two seconds until Henry is cruelly reminded his body isn't currently healthy like he's used to.
Alex stops mid-thrust. "Baby? Everything, okay?"
Henry sighs and shakes his head.
"Want me to pull out or just slow down?" Alex asks gently.
Henry sighs again before he whispers 'Red".
Alex instantly pulls out. "Can I hug you, babe?" He asks concerned.
Henry nods.
'Did I hurt you, Hen?" Alex asks upset.
Henry shakes his head. "No, you did nothing wrong", he assures him.
"Thank fuck", Alex says before kissing him sweetly.
Henry kisses him back and cuddles into his embrace afterward.
"Sorry", he whispers.
Alex scoffs. "Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. You can always change your mind during sex. That's consent 101. You don't owe me an explanation. I'm just glad I didn't hurt you."
Henry cuddles into Alex's embrace.
Christ, how he wishes they'd been dating for longer so he could justify it to himself to keep Alex in his life.
If he survives he'll fight like hell to get Alex back, although someone else will probably have his heart by then.
Suddenly he's hit by an overwhelming amount of naseau, that's on him for forcing his body into doing more than it can currently handle.
He pushes Alex away and rushes toward the bathroom.
He falls to his knees and throws up in the toilet.
Before he knows it Alex is kneeling next to him and gently rubbing his back.
Henry looks up to see Alex completely naked and cringes from guilt.
Alex hands him some water and a packaged toothbrush afterward and kisses him on the cheek.
Henry thanks him nervously before brushing his teeth and putting on his boxers.
"What just happened, Hen?" Alex asks concerned.
Henry shrugs. "I guess I'm not completely better yet", he lies before realizing that if he did have the stomach flew, he'd be contagious.
Alex doesn't seem worried about it though.
He just nods. 'Do you want to leave? You don't have to. We can just cuddle or watch a movie? I just want to spend time with you", He says as he puts his clothes back on.
"Still?" Henry asks amazed.
Alex raises an eyebrow at him. 'Yes? Is you not being invincible supposed to be a deal breaker for me? We all get sick sometimes."
Henry nods.
"So movie date?" Alex asks.
Henry smiles. "I'd like that."
'You sure you don't want any food, babe? It's pretty normal to eat a snack after dinner and You could probably use the strength. I'll eat with you if that makes you feel less awkward", Alex offers.
Henry hums. "Actually I'd love some yoghurt with fruit. I'm not allowed any citrus fruits, apples or pears though. So if you have strawberries or something that would be great."
Alex looks at him alarmed. "I'm sorry did you just say you're not allowed? Who told you that? Who the hell do I fight?"
Henry shakes his head. "No, I meant allowed as in allergies. I have food allergies", he lies.
Alex nods. "Oh. Sorry. Okay. Got it. Is yogurt with blueberries okay for you? I can make that happen."
"Do you have vegan yogurt?" Henry tries, as he remembers that he read that plant proteins are ideal for cancer patients.
Alex nods. "Yeah, I have oat yogurt and coconut."
Henry smiles. "I'd love some."
Alex grins. "Coming right up, you just go look pretty on the couch and pick out a good movie for us."
Henry hadn't realized he'd frozen in the hallway until someone collided with him.
"Fuck, sorry, man. It's been a fucking day- Henry?"
Henry freezes because he'd recognize that Voice anywhere.
He puts on a fake smile and turns around. "Hey, baby. What are you doing here?" Alex asks.
Christ, there goes his plan to make last night the last time he saw Alex.
"Oh, I uhm..visiting a friend in the oncology wing", he lies.
"Oh, right you told me that last night", Alex says as he goes in for a hug that Henry tries and fails not to melt into.
He's about to ask what Alex is doing here when his eye catches on his bandaged hand.
"Don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks. I Accidentally cut myself at work, I'm fine, babe".
Henry raises an eyebrow at him. "You're a lawyer."
Alex laughs. "I know."
They drink shitty hospital coffee and Tea and Henry can't help but cry because he knows this is the last time he'll see Alex.
Or rather the last time he'll let himself see Alex.
He's been waiting to find the love of his life his entire life but of course when he finally does, tragedy strikes.
Henry should have really seen that one coming.
After all the universe hates him, if it hadn't been clear when his father died and his mom stayed in bed and he had to live with his homophobic grandmother.... well it was clear now.
Alex wipes his tears. "Oh, baby. Is your friend not going to get better?" He asks concerned
Henry shrugs. "The doctors are very hopeful. And he was technically given a 42% chance that he'll survive."
Alex bites his lip. 'But you're not hopeful?"
Henry sighs. "My faith in cancer treatments died when my dad did."
Alex pulls him in. "Oh, baby. I am sorry. But I have enough faith for the both of us. Want me to go meet your friend with you?"
And he would, wouldn't he?
He would sit there and support a sick person he'd never met before because Henry asked him to.
Except he didn't even have to ask, Alex offered because he cares about him.
Lord.
Henry shakes his head. "He doesn't want to share his journey with other people. He knows what making someone go through that can do to people."
Alex huffs. "Well, that's stupid. He'll need support now more than ever before."
That makes Henry cry again, Alex wordlessly pulls him to his chest as he starts to rub his back.
Then Henry gets up because he really needs to leave for his stupid chemo appointment.
"I'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart", Alex says and Henry feels horrible for nodding, when he knows he'll block Alex as soon as he gets home.
And Alex won't be able to contact him because they've only ever hooked up at Alex's apartment.
It wasn't intentional at first, but now Henry is glad Alex won't be able to track him down.
It will make it easier for Alex to forget him.