Archive of Our Own

it’s 4 am.

4 am. four in the morning. only four hours into the day, and felix is is already wracked with fatigue. there are two more hours until he can leave, and he knows they will be the longest two hours in his life. even though he’s been working twelve hour evening shifts the past week, the final one hundred and twenty minutes before he can go home and crash for ten hours before likely waking up and doing it all again never were any less unbearable.

felix doesn’t know why he’s doing this to himself. for the past three years he’s been working at the hospital, he had been avoiding overnight shifts like the plague. though his occasional bad habit of staying up late while playing video games may beg to differ, felix is not a night person. he is, though, a people person, which was an even bigger reason behind him preferring working morning to evening: he could chat with his coworkers, who are only ever up for conversation during typical waking hours, and, even better, he could actually talk to his patients.

becoming a pediatric nurse was a given. felix likes taking care of people, and he loves kids. he didn’t have the heart to work with any that were too unwell, he cries too easily and gets to attached for it to make sense. working in the general peds department instead of the PICU was the safer bet, and it gave him a greater opportunity to converse with his kiddos. felix couldn’t ask for a better job.

he could ask for a better working environment, though.

the nature of hospitals is that the staff is transient. at least, that’s how it is for his. felix was unfazed by the number of times he’d gone in to find someone quit, or changed departments, or someone was hired, or transferred in. he’s the kind of person that gets along well with anybody, so he doesn’t mind the work roster switching up. he hates to see his acquaintances leave, but he’s always happy to see a new face. 

well, almost always.

there has been only one instance in which felix willed a team member away, and he did so with his entire being. felix can get in with everyone except for attractive men. devastatingly attractive men. that also happened to be freshly graduated med students working as interns. named hwang hyunjin.

working at a teaching hospital, felix has seen his fair share of first year residents. ‘seen’ generally was the extent of their interactions, though. most interns don’t bother getting to know the nursing staff, since they’d only be working there for a year. they orbited the attendings more than the job really necessitated, since their titles were what they were really after. it hasn’t been uncommon for them to have a haughty aura about them when interacting with nurses or any position below them. felix had never minded; he only ever saw the physicians and their entourages when they’d make rounds.

cue his confusion when, last week, freshly employed hwang hyunjin– doctor hwang hyunjin, that is– plopped into a seat next to him while felix was looking over a few of his charts. felix was nervous already just making small talk with him, he was incomprehensibly beautiful. this new staff member was personable, a bit overbearingly so. for whatever reason, he’d designated felix to be his teacher on the subject of their charting software. he had rolled his chair awfully close to felix’s, giving him a good whiff of the sweet herbal scent of his cologne, and an even better view of his ID: his unfairly stunning photo, his name, and in capital letters at the bottom, his title. ‘INTERN.’

intern as in first year resident. as in resident doctor. as in the raven haired chatterbox who could’ve been one of michelangelo’s best works animated that was leaning on the armrest of felix’s chair, close enough for felix to sense him in every way but taste, was a doctor.

now, felix is not a gold digger. no amount of goading from his friends would prompt him to take their advice about bagging a doctor at work and being set for life. money, in his eyes, is the last thing one should marry somebody over. besides, it would easily become a conflict of interest to get involved with a physician, and, not to mention, embarrassingly stereotypical. there are innumerable reasons for it to be avoided at all costs.

this is why, at now 4:12 in the morning, felix is downing his seventh cup of negative-star motel quality coffee from the break room, forcing mouthfuls of the hot, bitter liquid down his throat to keep him awake. it may have been overdramatic for him to switch his entire schedule after one interaction with a somewhat flirty intern, but it worked. it is a lot easier to deal with fatigue than a tall handsome doctor with no concept of personal space.

in the eight hours felix had worked with doctor hwang, which would be his last, god willing, he noticed a few things about him. first, he had no wedding ring, which is in no way useful or good information he should keep in the back of his mind, but once you notice something, you can’t un notice it. second, hyunjin’s talkativeness and closeness may have been reserved for him. he didn’t seem at all interested in speaking with any other resident, fellow, or attending physician. he had looked engrossed in whatever they were discussing, duly taking notes in a small black notebook, but was stoic and silent all the same. third, hyunjin had really beautiful hands.

this knowledge was dangerous, of course, and was what motivated felix to upend his life to avoid any further contact. he’d get used to this. eventually.

time passed. the clock ticked. felix stayed conscious by the grace of god and terrible coffee.

and it’s finally, finally 6 am. he can leave, and he does. he’d written down his report, detailing everything the next nurse would need some time ago, so he hands it off to her, telling her to let him know if she needs anything else, but conveying with every part of his body that he really did not want her to. thankfully, she works almost as much as felix and was familiar with his patients’ routines, and can take a hint, so she just smiles and thanks felix, and advises he get some rest.

and felix will. plenty of it, too. according to the posted schedule, has the next two days off (mandatory, per hospital policy), so he decides to spend at least thirty of those forty eight hours comatose. 

the exhaustion that had been weighing felix down has been replaced with a temporary lightness of excitement as he thinks about the big warm bed, blackout curtains, and down comforter set waiting for him. felix is walking on air, head in the clouds, and then suddenly around a corner into another person.

“ow, fuck, i’m sorry,” felix spits out instinctively. whoever he collided with is tall, and his forehead landed right into their chin. he looks up to apologize further, and suddenly wishes he had an IV port and syringe full of propofol, because, of course, felix just vertically body slammed doctor hwang hyunjin. “oh– god, dr. hwang– i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to swear just now, or bump into you–”

“felix. breathe,” hyunjin says, his voice smooth with all the serenity of a well rested medical professional. he places two large hands, pretty and gentle, on felix’s shoulders as he looks down at him, which was evidently a much more effective anesthetic given how felix thinks he might soon pass out. “are you alright? you seem on edge.”

felix chuckles, because he’s nervous, and because the very reason his fight or flight response has kicked on is telling him he’s tense. “yeah, just a long night. are you okay dr. hwang? i’m really, really, really sorry about headbutting your chin. i should’ve been paying more attention.”

hyunjin laughs now, and it makes felix feel warm inside. hyunjin brushes his thumb against the faint contusion forming on felix’s forehead while appraising it, and suddenly that warmth is moving further down felix’s body. whatever pink mark hyunjin is looking at will probably be invisible in the next few seconds with how quickly and aggressively felix is blushing. “i think you took a lot more damage than me,” hyunjin says with mild amusement. there’s a tenderness to his voice, that was good for his bedside manner, but extremely dangerous for this specific acting patient, because felix is getting dizzy, much, much more than he should given the (lack of) severity of his head injury. 

hyunjin cups felix’s face with his hands now, still looking at his forehead. felix is surprised his face isn’t hot enough to burn him, but perhaps there’s hope he doesn’t even notice how heated it is. hyunjin frowns lightly, barely even turning down the corners of his plump, rose pink lips, but it feels like a gut punch to felix all the same. hyunjin is too close again, and his hands are too warm and soft, and that honeysuckle and herb garden scent is filling felix’s senses, making his already sleep deprived and overworked brain get even more foggy. and hyunjin is looking at him too intently, his obsidian eyes pouring concern, his dark brows slightly knit, and his face is so beautiful, and so attractive, and felix doesn’t even realize he’d been lifting his head up and leaning in to hyunjin until he speaks. “hm. that’s no good.”

felix snaps out of his daze. what was he thinking? or, really, why wasn’t he thinking. “i’m sorry?”

“you’re gonna get a bruise.” hyunjin lets go of his face, and finally felix can think again.

“oh, i’ll be fine. it doesn’t even hurt, and it won’t stay for long, right? i feel much worse about running into you.”

“still, i don’t like seeing such a pretty face getting hurt. get some ice on it when you can, okay?” felix nods, since he thinks that’s what hyunjin was prompting him to do, but he doesn’t have the faintest clue what he agreed to because his brain stopped working eight words into hyunjin’s first sentence. pretty. doctor hwang just called him pretty. and felix’s mind is short circuiting even worse now trying to figure out what he means, because hyunjin said it so casually, and was being so kind and caring towards him when felix was the one at fault, and why didn’t he pull back when felix leaned into him?

felix is racking his brain trying to find a non-suggestive way to interpret everything hyunjin just did, because he doesn’t want to delude himself if it’s really not, and he also cannot afford for it to be. hyunjin’s internship has just started. felix has a few days short of an entire year left to deal with him, he can’t let things get unprofessional already. 

hyunjin looks down at his watch. he’s spent a lot more time here than he should have. he was supposed to have come in much earlier than six, and, if he did, he wouldn’t have ran into the cute blonde nurse who was far too tempting to risk his career over. he wouldn’t have accidentally injured him, he wouldn’t have held his face and learned that he was right, he really did have freckles, a galaxy of them painting his blushing cheeks, he wouldn’t have hoped felix was blushing because of him , he wouldn’t have seen his round doe eyes that looked at everything but him, displaying a bit of fear but maybe something else, too, something hyunjin shouldn’t hope to see from him, and he wouldn’t have stood there, frozen and starstruck, as felix leaned into him, almost as if he wanted hyunjin to kiss him, and he wouldn’t have wanted to close the gap between them and press felix against the wall, his tiny waist in his arms and tongue inside his mouth and hands in each others hair, desperately pulling one another as close as possible as they kissed until they were breathless. if he had came in earlier, like he was supposed to, he would have just gone to the meeting room and started his day, and he wouldn’t be able to feel blood rushing south, likely siphoning what was meant for his brain, like he does right now.

hyunjin checks his watch. felix obviously knows what’s coming, and scolds himself for being selfish, because he really doesn’t want him to leave. but he should, for felix’s sake, for his own sake, and especially for the sake of their patients. felix could swear he just hesitated. “i need to get going.”

“oh– i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hold you up,” felix says, and he really does mean it, even though he wants to grab hyunjin by his wrist and drag him to the nearest storage closet so he could be the one getting held up, against a wall, ideally. “i feel awful. i’m really, sorry dr. hwang.”

hyunjin smiles. is felix really that amusing? or… no. felix probably is. that’s all hyunjin’s smile means. “you’re fine, felix. now, don’t forget to ice that.” 

felix nods, and his heart sinks the second hyunjin walks past him towards the main floor. felix doesn’t know why, but he lingers. which may have worked in his favor, because hyunjin turns on his heel and walks up to him– too close, again, but felix doesn’t mind it. he should, he knows, but he doesn’t. “also, please, don’t beat yourself up over running into me, or taking up any of my time, really,” hyunjin says, as if he could hear the small voice in the back of felix’s mind that had been calling him stupid and careless for the past few minutes. “accidents happen, and i know you’ll make it up to me. go home and get some sleep, okay?”

———————

felix can’t even keep his eyes shut. 

his mind won’t stop replaying his entire interaction with hyunjin. start to finish, over and over, in perfect detail. felix was already torturing his mind enough trying to explain every thing hyunjin has said or done to him while they spoke, but now he also has to think about what exactly “making it up to him” would entail. felix wants to say maybe he’d buy him coffee, or help him figure out more about how to document things digitally, or any completely normal and professional courtesy that wouldn’t warrant a visit to HR. but felix doesn’t believe it for a second. doctor hwang hyunjin, who everyone else described as quiet, distant, and a little unapproachable, but was nothing but sweet and touchy with felix, had to have meant something more, right?

but, it shouldn’t even matter to felix. whatever he may have meant , any favors felix would do for him have to be safe for work. he’s not going to get involved with an intern– it’d look and be bad for both of them. the funny feeling in felix’s chest whenever he thinks about dr. hwang, that makes him want to do anything he’d ask, immediately, is probably some indication that felix holds some fondness towards him. that’s fine. there’s nothing wrong with being fond of your coworkers, especially since this was 100% a healthy, platonic fondness. felix only tried to kiss hyunjin because he was exhausted, and wasn’t thinking, and mistook a friendly act for something it certainly was not. accidents happen, it’s fine. hyunjin didn’t seem offended by it, because hyunjin is a good work friend and understood it as a mishap, if he even noticed it at all. 

either way, the bottom line is, to an extent, hyunjin cares about felix, and felix cares about hyunjin, and it is nothing but friendship, and that is why felix won’t do anything stupid that could put either of their careers in jeopardy. he’ll leave faster, take a different route, slip on a surgical mask to hide his face, whatever it takes to make sure he does not have sex with doctor hwang hyunjin.

———————

the floor is bustling when felix enters after clocking in. it always is around 6 PM, as the staff rotation switches from day to night, and they have to check in with each other to know what needs to get done, and their kids to make sure they’ve picked out their dinners (for those old enough to not be sustained on formula, naturally), and as kindly and respectfully as possible inform any extra family members that visitation ends at eight. it’s a lot of talking and running around, with zero time for felix to think about anything, i.,e. a certain suave intern inadvertently responsible for the thin layer of concealer on his forehead. felix loves it. 

the first two hours are always the busiest, and the liveliest, and felix’s favorite. naturally, they pass by in about ten seconds. felix sinks into his chair to put in his last set of vitals. all of his patients are tucked into bed, rocked, sang lullabies, or read to as needed, which means that he’ll be stuck at his computer, charting and proofreading until something happens. the orderlies had already cleaned and stocked everything, and his kids were fairly easy patients, so there wasn’t too much to document at this point. his only task now was to make himself available for any other nurse that needed help. so, he swivels from side to side in his chair, twiddling his thumbs, hoping for anyone to come up to him about anything at this point.

perhaps hoping for anyone wasn’t the smartest idea, because the next thing he knows, his newly acquainted occupational hazard is leaning against the counter, looking down at him with a salacious grin.

“didn’t peg you as a night person,” hyunjin says. felix looks up at him warily. hyunjin is in black scrubs, the designated color for interns, but the uniform looks egregiously good on him. he’d abandoned the lab coat he usually pairs with it, evidently, and felix can see the taut muscles on his arms from his palms being planted on the surface behind him. 

hyunjin doesn’t work night shift. well, maybe he just hasn’t, at least not when felix does, but it’s awfully suspicious how felix’s first shift after his mandatory two day break, hyunjin is here. their schedules get posted on a wall in the break room in addition to online, so, if hyunjin really wanted to, it wouldn’t at all be hard for him to decide to pick up a shift–

it’s 8 PM. it’s far too early for felix to be having paranoid delusions. those are only excusable after spending excessive time awake during normal resting hours. felix is just being crazy. he shakes his head before responding, hoping his mental spiral didn’t cause any awkward silence. “i’m not, but it’s good to expand your horizons,” felix replies before taking a sip of the sickeningly sweet coffee adjacent drink he’d picked up before work. if he has to abuse caffeine to keep him up, it may as well be decent tasting. he still has to was it down with some random hard candy that the ground floor grocery shop sells.

“that’s fair, but working in a hospital probably isn’t the best way to get into being up late. surely there are more fun things that can keep you up all night.”

felix tries not to choke on his candy. that wasn’t an innuendo. be chill. “mm, i’m not familiar with any. never been my thing.”

“i see,” hyunjin says, standing upright. he rakes his long fingers through his silky black locks, and felix tries not to think about how good they would feel tangled in his own hair. especially while pulling it. “well, if you’re ever free and up for it, i’d be happy to introduce you to some. but i should get back to the office, i’ll see you later.”

felix knows he’s in for the longest ten hours of his life.

———————

hyunjin should stop. he actually should’ve never even started. he has no idea what he’s been thinking, and neither does the senior resident that’s been on his ass about getting too comfortable with the nurses, who just saw him walk away from their station and back to the physicians’ office.

“hyunjin…” chan says warningly, and catches hyunjin by the collar as he turns around before even getting through the door frame.

“what? i can’t even go to the bathroom now?” hyunjin groans. he knows dr. bahng is just has his best interests at heart, but it doesn’t make his lectures any less insufferable.

“no, you can. let’s go together, actually.”

——

“chan, i know you’re looking out for me because i’m younger, but i’ve been going to the restroom on my own for twenty years now. why’d you come with me?” hyunjin says petulantly. he’s leaning against the sink counter with his arms crossed, more than a little irritated. he wished chan would’ve just nagged him in the hallway instead of following him all the way to the bathroom: now that he’s here, he actually does need to use it, but he’s a bit too self conscious to pull out his dick next to his coworker with seniority. 

chan has no such hang ups, and speaks to him casually from a urinal. “i figured we needed a more private place to talk, and no one ever uses these bathrooms.”

“if this is a serious talk, please finish pissing first.”

“okay.”

hyunjin bites his lip to stifle a laugh at the absurdity of the situation. he’s twenty four, he should be allowed to flirt or sleep with whomever he chooses. not that that’s what he was doing or wanted to do with felix, anyway. he thinks. well, maybe hyunjin was a bit flirtatious, but he had no intentions for the latter, at least, not yet. whatever that meant.

felix is cute. hyunjin likes cute. it’s inevitable he’d be drawn to him like a moth to a flame, or, more accurately, the sun, since felix is just as bright and twice as unreachable. he hasn’t spoken to felix nearly as much as he’d like to, because he’s nervous. evidently, felix is not only gut wrenchingly adorable, he’s also the sweetest person on earth and possibly an actual angel, or so the reviews say. which only added to hyunjin’s anxiety about ever striking up a conversation with him, but that information honestly didn’t surprise him. there was something different about felix, a certain aura he radiates, and it was the first thing he’d ever noticed about him. right before he also noticed he had freckles, at which point he knew he had to have him.

if it were anyone else– but someone he didn’t also work with– he probably would have by now. hyunjin isn’t arrogant enough to play the ‘doctor’ card while hitting on someone, but it always inevitably comes up, and greatly shifts things in his favor. occupational perks, one could call it. he doubts felix is that type of person, though, and, even if he is, he doesn’t want to get in his pants like that. 

felix just has a certain innocence about him. he’s not the type of guy you “fuck,” you’d make love to him. it was hard to explain, and when he tried to tell the other residents during their lunch hour they told him to stop being gross. minho was particularly adamant about it, and told hyunjin if he said another word he’d go to HR. which, he really wouldn’t, but hyunjin got the message regardless. case in point, he’s pretty sure he just wants to do things right with felix, in a way he’s never felt compelled to do so with anybody before. there is a part of him, though, that tells him to hell with all that, and felix’s purity, it’d be much more fun to just go at it like animals. hyunjin usually just ignores that part if he’s not lying in bed with a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues at the ready.

whether hyunjin wants to court or corrupt felix doesn’t even matter in the end, though, because he knows he’s not allowed to touch him. felix is only six months younger than him (hyunjin had gone through an accelerated course, which makes him two years younger than most of the other interns). it’s not as though he’d be cradle snatching if he pursued felix, but it’s taboo all the same. hyunjin gets it– regardless of their nigh nonexistent age gap, there’s still an obvious power imbalance in dating (or maybe just fucking, but he’d really prefer the other thing) one of his subordinates. it opens the door to all sorts of iffy behavior. his counter, though, is that felix is really pretty and he’d be a super good boyfriend to him and would promise to always treat him well forever and ever, but that wouldn’t hold any weight at a board review. 

he knows this, which is why he preemptively groans when chan stands next to him at the sink to wash his hands.

“i haven’t even said anything.”

“i know, but i know what you’re going to say,” hyunjin gripes, covering his face with his hands.

“what am i going to say?”

“that i shouldn’t fuck that really cute nurse i was talking to.”

“that’s a rather vulgar way of putting it, but more or less, yeah. you know why?”

“because it’s ‘ unethical .’”

“why are you saying that like you don’t believe it?”

“i don’t. i don’t see how it’s unethical if he consents and he enjoys it, and he definitely would.”

“hyunjin…” chan is only three years his senior, but he really feels like a father sometimes.

“i know, i know. i never said i’d do it anyway. i just don’t agree with the logic behind why i shouldn’t,” hyunjin says defensively, though he’s honestly not sure if he’s telling the truth at this point. 

“hyunjin, just so you know: i’m not going to try to stop you from doing anything. i won’t report you, or chastise you, because i think you’re smart enough to make and learn from your own choices,” chan concedes as he passes hyunjin to the paper towel dispenser. “but, you’re playing a dangerous game, for both of you, and you really need to stop and think about what it is you even want from him before rushing into anything. there’s no sense in both of you risking so much for some unknown. i’m heading back to the office, i’ll let them know you’re in here.”

———————

hyunjin doesn’t want to think. he does it for a living, basically, and he completed the typical eight year track to becoming an MD in three quarters of the time. he feels as if he’s earned the right to not think sometimes .

chan is right, though, which is the most vexing thing about his lectures. it’s one thing for hyunjin to be thoughtless and reckless with his own life, but it isn’t fair to drag felix into his impulsive whims. felix deserved better than that, and, as much as it kills him, he decides he ought to back off. at least until he figures himself out.

“oh, hello dr. hwang,” greets hyunjin’s golden haired ticket to getting fired. 

“hey, felix,” hyunjin says casually. he came into the storage room to think, and to familiarize himself with where all the various tools were kept. he should leave. it’s not a good idea to be alone in a room with felix. for a doctor, hyunjin is pretty undisciplined, and doesn’t trust himself to not try to bite the forbidden fruit on his pale neck and cover it in hickeys. hyunjin hesitates, but he goes to leave. felix has disappeared behind one of the shelves, he should get out of here as soon as possible. 

but, he hesitated.

which made him see felix on his tiptoes trying to pick something off the tallest rack. he hesitates again, because felix is actually tinier than he remembered when they ran into each other, or maybe it’s his little hands that are just not big enough to reach whatever he needs to get. hyunjin hesitated, he knows this, and he knows whatever comes next is entirely his fault, and he braces himself when felix realizes his presence and looks over at him with those damn doe eyes, already asking for help.

“um, dr. hwang, if you’re able– the step stool is all the way back at the nurses’ station, so–” felix doesn’t get to finish, because hyunjin is already standing behind him. he seemed a little angry when he came over, so his presence has gone back to being nerve wracking. felix’s back is only centimeters from hyunjin’s chest, and he feels a bit cornered since hyunjin has his hand that’s closest to the door on the top shelf; the gauge size he needs is on the part of the rack that meets the wall.

“how big do you want it?”

felix blushes, and it’s making him stupid, because hyunjin has to repeat himself for him to be able to drag his mind out of the gutter.

“the needle size. how big? what gauge do you need?” hyunjin says, and his voice doesn’t seem quite angry or annoyed, but is definitely strained.

“oh– sorry, i did’n– 23, please. the butterfly needles.”

hyunjin wordlessly grabs a handful, and lets his grip open a bit in front of felix to let him pick how many he needs. felix doesn’t know why, but the gesture makes his heart flutter a bit. maybe he likes how forbearing dr. hwang is with him.

“does your patient have difficult veins?” hyunjin asks. there’s no reason for him to be asking this. there’s no reason for him to be making small talk right now. he did his good deed, he should leave. but he’s taking his time putting the excess needles back, and he can’t bring himself to move any faster.

“a lot of them do since they’re so small, so i just like to stock up. i don’t have any blood draws for a while, but, you know, it’s always good to be prepared, and stuff,” felix answers in many more words than he needs to. he can’t help it, he’s a talker, and he only ever clams up or runs his mouth like a steam engine when he’s nervous. this was a steam engine moment.

“a while, hm? so you’re not busy right now?” hyunjin doesn’t need to be asking this question.

“yeah, things are pretty slow once it hits midnight, i don’t have much to do tonight until 4.” felix isn’t sure why he felt compelled to tell him how long he’d be free. that’s not what hyunjin asked.

but it was what hyunjin wanted to know.

“that’s a while from now. are you gonna be able to stay alert that long?”

“i can usually manage with coffee,” felix replies, and that’s all he should say. but he turns around to look up at hyunjin, and realizes he is a lot bigger than he remembered. for some reason, felix keeps talking. “but i don’t really like it. you did mention staying up late is your forte, though; so, do you happen to have any other recommendations to keep me up, dr. hwang?”

felix knows what he’s doing. he has to. or, really, hyunjin needs him to, because the way he’s looking up at him so wide eyed and innocent is making him feral, and the next thing he knows he has felix’s back against the wall and his neck in his hand, not letting felix look away.

“tell me to stop. please,” hyunjin mumbles after a heavy sigh. his face is so close to felix’s their lips nearly brush as he speaks. hyunjin’s breath is warm on felix’s skin, minty and tempting.

“i’m sorry, dr. hwang, but i really don’t want to,” felix whispers. hyunjin’s thigh is between his legs, and it’s already taking so much willpower to not grind down on it; felix can’t deny himself any more than this.

“felix, we really shouldn’t be doing this. it’s inappropriate for a doctor to f– get intimate with his nurse.”

“am i your nurse, though? you’ve hardly been here a week, and you’re technically just an intern. do you have enough authority to say i’m yours ?”

so, the angel has a bratty side. hyunjin wishes he didn’t find this out, because he’s fully hard now, and it’s so much more strenuous to not shove his tongue down his throat, but felix is still off limits. hyunjin needs him to understand that, because felix saying no is the only thing that can deter him now. 

“if we did anything, i’d be taking advantage of you. you know that, don’t you?”

“not if i make the first move,” felix utters the words before he can even think, and he doesn’t realize what he just said until his lips are against hyunjin’s. hyunjin doesn’t pull away; neither does he kiss him back, but, his lips are every bit as soft and warm as felix imagined, and he’s so, so tired of being good. “please, dr. hwang. i promise i won’t tell.”

ah, well. dr. bahng won’t kill him.

hyunjin’s wraps his arms around felix’s waist, and he can feel his cock twitch because felix is so much smaller than his uniform would suggest. he kisses felix, and he’s far more intense and needy than felix was, and it would be embarrassing to show how desperate he was if felix wasn’t moaning into his mouth while hyunjin’s tongue filled his own. everything about felix is maddeningly sweet, his personality, his face, his scent, and his mouth, god, his mouth . It’s like sliding his tongue into pure sugar, and it’s making hyunjin way too hot, sweat forming under his clothes even in the over air conditioned stock room.

“you eat too many sweets,” hyunjin sighs, kissing a trail from the corner of felix’s heart shaped lips and down his jaw, because if he continued the way he was, he might’ve actually came in his pants.

“i must taste good, then,” felix gasps. it’s hard to be cheeky with hyunjin’s warm lips against the skin next to his carotid artery. he moans, more loudly than he should, he knows, when hyunjin bites down and sucks harshly before running his tongue against the forming bruise.

“you’re gonna give yourself cavities,” hyunjin says with a small smile. he has to keep up the conversation, because felix sounds far too lewd when he moans, and he’s too pent up to withstand it.

“isn’t that outside your scope of practice? you’re not a dentist.”

“maybe so, but,” hyunjin begins as he straightens again. he’s left a trail of love bites on both sides now to the hem of felix’s scrub top. “i do have some relevant experience. say ‘ah.’” 

felix opens his mouth, albeit slightly confused. his eyes roll back when hyunjin slides two slender fingers into his mouth, and attempts to suppress a gag when he presses down on his tongue after they reached the back of his throat. hyunjin smirks, scissoring his fingers. his cock jumps when felix gags again, because it’s so cute how he tries not to. “you have a healthy gag reflex. i’ll have to fix that. suck.” 

felix obeys, and hyunjin is enjoying it a bit too much. really, felix just needs something to keep him from whining too loud when hyunjin inevitably starts assaulting his erogenous zones with his sinfully sexy mouth. felix is still caught off guard, though, when hyunjin roughly yanks up his shirt, high enough to expose his chest. felix vacuums his mouth around hyunjin’s digits even harder, because hyunjin starts kissing at his sternum, and felix never knew his body was this sensitive. he shudders as hyunjin licks a stripe along the bone.

hyunjin continues his staining of felix’s pale skin with bruises as he moves laterally along his upper chest, before latching around one of his nipples. they could have been erect because he was turned on, or because it was bitterly cold in the room, but either way they were remarkably receptive towards any stimulation. hyunjin had just brushed the tip of his tongue on the little bud, and quickly had to grab felix’s waist so he didn’t fall over when his knees buckled. it was just meant to tease him, but he may have underestimated just how virginal felix is.

the amount of pleasure radiating from the left side of felix’s chest as hyunjin’s plush lips suck at his nipple is obscene. his body is melting into a pool of lust, and he can’t help but grind his arousal against the lean muscles on hyunjin’s thigh. felix takes hyunjin’s fingers in his mouth even deeper, as stifling his whimpers is the only thing he can do at this point to maintain at least some dignity.

tightening his grip around felix’s waist, hyunjin switches sides; he knew felix would stumble again. hyunjin had never thought himself a sadist, but feeling felix wriggle in his grasp while his teeth graze over the hypersensitive nub because he’s so weak to any titillation has red hot lust traveling down to his lower abdomen.

felix can still feel hyunjin’s lips and tongue on the original side of his chest even as he mouths at the other, and it makes his thoracic cavity heat up with desire. hyunjin feels good, too good, and he can’t tell whether the dizziness hitting him is a precursor to syncope or an orgasm. felix likes it. it feels so natural surrendering himself like this to hyunjin and letting him have his way with him. maybe hyunjin was taking advantage of felix, or, really, his submissiveness, so he could touch and tease him as much as he wanted because he knew felix wouldn’t be able to say no. dr. hwang probably isn’t like that, but felix wouldn’t mind if he was. it feels divine being his toy.

hyunjin is getting addicted to felix. they’re both so lost in his pleasure they hadn’t even considered they were in a stock room, one that the twenty plus staff all had access to and could walk in at any given moment. hyunjin just can’t think when it comes to felix. not if it’s about anything other than making felix cry wantonly and lose his composure as he’s drowned in ecstasy because of him, like he is right now. hyunjin straightens up; as erotic as their size difference was, it makes it a little impractical for him to suck his nipples while standing. besides, there are so many more ways to drive felix mad with desire that he’s yet to try.

“haa,” felix huffs after hyunjin pops his fingers out of his mouth. he misses them already, but there’s not much time to mourn, because hyunjin pulls him to his chest and starts tugging at the back of his pants. “wai–wait, please, dr. hwang.”

hearing his name and title come out of felix’s mouth felt even better than it did at his own graduation. “what is it?” hyunjin pauses. he’s finally snapped out of his trance, and aware of their surrounding. “ah, you’re right. we should probably get to a bedroom.”

“no, i meant i’ve never– i’m sorry, there are bedrooms here?”

hyunjin smirks before shrugging. “ doctors need their beauty sleep. let’s go.”

————

the bedroom in question is little more than an oversized closet with a bed, nightstand, and table lamp. 

“it’s… cozy,” felix says, looking around the plain room.

“well, it’s not really designed for two, but you’re small enough for us to make it work,” hyunjin replies before wrapping his hand around felix’s narrow wrist and dragging him to the bed.

“i’m not that small, you know,” felix pouts. there is something about the condescending way hyunjin said it though that’s reigniting the fire in his stomach. “but are you sure no one will come in?”

“you are, and they can’t. there’s only one key to the rooms, and i… finessed it, so to speak, off the attending.”

felix wants to giggle at hyunjin’s choice of words. he forgets they’re the same age (or will be in about half a year) given his status, and it’s nice hearing him be casual. however, the actual meaning behind them worries felix. “you stole a key from the attending physician?”

“it’s not as bad a crime as getting caught fingering you in a stock room. plus, she’s practically nocturnal, anyway, she never uses the room. she won’t know it’s missing.”

felix is still concerned, and it shouldn’t be as arousing as it is to hyunjin. he’s too cute for his own good, and hyunjin just wants to kiss his little pout away.

“my little lixie, don’t worry too much,” hyunjin cooes. he pulls felix towards him, and felix is very poorly concealing how bad he wants to give in. hyunjin holds him against his chest and kisses his cheek, one, two three times, before blitzing the rest of his faux upset face with little pecks until he can’t help but laugh.

“okay, okay, i trust you, god ,” felix says with an eye roll, even though he likes the attention. he wraps his arms around hyunjin’s neck as he sits on his knees between his legs.

“you trust me?” hyunjin asks. there’s that tenderness in his voice again, but it’s even stronger, and felix’s heart skips a few beats. hyunjin’s eyes are earnest, too earnest, and it makes felix want to give even more of himself to him, to the point he won’t be able to get it back.

“i trust you, dr. hwang,” felix affirms. he doesn’t even know why he does, this was only their third, maybe fourth to be generous, interaction, and their longest one. hyunjin should be a stranger, but he doesn’t feel like one at all. felix was never one for casual sex, yet here he is about to let a man he’s known for a week take his virginity. it didn’t make sense, but felix didn’t think it needed to.

to punctuate his point, felix holds hyunjin’s face in his hands and crashes their lips together. somehow, their kisses only seemed to be getting more desperate, more carnal, like they wanted to devour each other whole. hyunjin does, at least. he wanted to be careful, deliberate, and, well, gentlemanly with felix. he wanted to take him out on a date to a restaurant he could barely afford, he wanted to learn about his life from start to now, he wanted to take him stargazing and show him his art studio and maybe have felix teach him how to play that one video game with the annoying floating guide he always overheard him talking about. hyunjin wanted to find out so much more about him before sleeping with him, but as he lays him down on the plain bed and sees his honey toned hair laid out like a halo around his angelically beautiful and delicate visage, it feels like he knows everything he needs to already.

“dr. hwang…” felix begins, his low voice impossibly small. his face is perturbed again, but his eyes are glinting with anticipation, and hyunjin just now realizes that’s what he’d seen in them the other day, and what he hoped to see.

and now felix is looking at him so intently, and the dark pools of his irises are inviting hyunjin in, waiting with bated breath, and hyunjin knows what felix is about to tell him. “you’re a virgin, aren’t you?”

felix blushes, but nods. it’s easier than saying it himself, yet not any less embarrassing.

“and you’re sure you want me to be your first?” hyunjin hopes to god he is.

felix nods again. “you’re already my first kiss, and make out, i guess, so… may as well keep it going, right?”

hyunjin may be reading between the lines, but he’s too far in to start thinking about the consequences of his actions now. “i’ll be as many firsts as you’ll let me,” he says, and it’s ridiculously cringy, but he does mean it. 

he’s glad he said it, too, though, because felix beams up at him, and he can feel his retinas burn with how radiant he is. “i’m holding you to that, dr. hwang.” 

hyunjin drops down to his elbows from his palms so he hovers above felix more closely. he’s careful about maintaining the distance between their lower halves, though, because his dick has been throbbing madly since felix said he’s a virgin, and he doesn’t want to pervert such a sweet moment. “you gonna snitch on me if i break your heart, felix?”

“i’ll probably just break part of you as compensation.”

“what part?”

“don’t know. which part of you do you like the most?”

“you’re kind of scaring me.”

“good.”

hyunjin laughs, and it’s contagious. he kisses felix’s forehead after they’ve collected themselves, and twirls a strand of his soft locks between his fingers. “but since i know i’ll never do that to you, i’ll tell you: my dick.”

“really? that’s boring.”

“how?”

“well you’re a doctor, i thought you’d pick something more niche, like your appendix or something.”

“the appendix is basically a vestigial organ, i think my dick does a lot more for me.”

“is it really all that?”

hyunjin grins. he sits up and digs inside the nightside table before pulling out a bottle of lube, a box of condoms, and hand sanitizer.

“what’s the hand sanitizer for?” felix asks, a bit nervous if it has a similar role to the other two objects destined to go inside him.

hyunjin pumps a generous amount onto his hands before rubbing it in. “a sterile field.”

felix rolls his eyes, but is a little relieved that hyunjin wasn’t into anything weird. at least, not any weirder than having sex in a hospital.

“before we do this, though, i have one condition: you have to tell me to stop if you don’t want to keep going.”

“okay.”

“no, no ‘okay.’ i need you to promise,” hyunjin says, and his voice is the sternest felix has ever heard it, which makes it a bit funny when he extends his pinky. felix doesn’t laugh though, because he knows he’s being as serious as he can be.

“i promise i’ll tell you to stop if i want to stop.”

“good.” wasting no time, hyunjin tugs down felix’s pants and boxers, leaving him bare from the hips down. he squeezes a thick dollop on his two middle fingers before hiking up one of felix’s legs so it’s bent with his foot on the bed. “now, this is gonna be a little uncomfortable.”

“it is?” felix sounds a little nervous.

“sorry, didn’t mean to say that. force of habit. it shouldn’t, but the lube is a little cold. just breathe and stay relaxed, okay?”

felix nods and does as he’s told to the best of his ability. the breathing comes easy, but hyunjin is staring at the most private parts of his body intently, and it sort of does feel like a prostate exam, especially with him fully dressed. still, he breathes, deep and slow, and suppresses his urge to flinch when he feels cool gel around his rim. hyunjin rubs his fingers around it, occasionally brushing over his entrance, and it makes felix antsy with desire. “please put them in, dr. hwang.”

hyunjin pauses with a slight grimace. “can you actually call me hyunjin for now? i don’t want to, like, mix business with pleasure, or anything.”

laughing, felix nods again. “okay. please put your fingers inside me, hyunjinie .~”

hyunjin is smiling, like an idiot in his eyes, but felix finds it endearing. hyunjin likes hearing his first name in felix’s voice even more than his professional one, despite the fact he said it teasingly. 

felix gasps a little as hyunjin starts to press a slick digit inside of him. it suddenly feels too real, that he’s going to have sex, with the doctor who he swore he wouldn’t sleep with, and he almost does panic. but hyunjin places one hand on his raised knee, and he probably isn’t trying to, but it soothes felix. his hands are so warm, and even his finger that’s slowly probing deeper into him feels gentle. felix is okay. he can do this.

he thinks this right up until hyunjin curls his finger, and presses against something that sends an electric shock through his body.

“... so that’s your prostate,” hyunjin says after a pause. he feels somewhat awkward. he’s never slept with a virgin, nor has he bottomed, so he doesn’t know what he should say short of a brief male anatomy lesson to make this any less uncomfortable.

“i see.” felix’s voice is strained. it didn’t feel bad, necessarily, just very, very different. but he may grow to like it. “it’s not… bad. you can keep going. i was just caught off guard.”

hyunjin nods curtly. “right. okay.” felix can tell he’s a little nervous for some reason, and ironically makes him feel a bit better.

hyunjin bends his finger again, but more gently. he looks up at felix, whose eyes are closed and is breathing heavily, but he doesn’t look uneasy. he contracts again, slowly working into a steady rhythm. being patient was a lot more fatiguing than finger blasting someone, apparently, but felix’s cock is twitching and he’s biting at his plump lower lip, so it’ll be worth the wrist pain later.

felix is getting used to the feeling of something inside him, and starting to enjoy it. gentleness is what he needed, he gets overstimulated a bit too easily.

“i’m gonna put another one in, okay?”

“okay,” felix says softly, but it comes out more like a moan.

the second finger is longer, hyunjin’s middle finger, felix assumes. it’s okay, though. hyunjin starts off even slower, and the arcs of pleasure emanating from the gland are tolerable. a bit too, tolerable though. “hyunjin?”

“mm?”

“go faster?”

felix’s voice is soft and sweet, and hyunjin forces himself to not fingerfuck him wildly. but he does go faster, with a bit more force too, and he quickly figures out felix’s desired pace. his hole is clenching around his fingers, and it makes his cock leak precum as he imagines what it would feel like to be inside him. felix’s back is arching off the bed, and he has one tiny hand clamped over his mouth, muffling his whimpers. hyunjin wishes he could hear them, but he knows they should be careful. 

felix is already dizzy again, and his raised leg quivers as hyunjin glides his fingertips back and forth against his prostate. the lust burning deep in his core is intense, and he knows his dick is getting embarrassingly wet. hyunjin moves his digits so steadily inside him, and each flick of their pads is making more and more warmth spread through his body. 

without warning, hyunjin lifts his other leg up, and he’s able to get his fingers in deeper now. he’s adding more pressure, and felix doesn’t know if he can take it. both of his legs are trembling now, and theres a numbness that feels oddly good in his inner thighs. it’s building, and felix’s heart is pounding and body is heating up as his orgasm approaches.

“hyun– hyunjinie, i think i’m gonna cum,” felix squeaks. he’s obviously shy, and it’s drives hyunjin crazy the way he talks behind his hand as if he wants to hide his face. he’s sensitive as it is, hyunjin can’t imagine what he’d be like overstimulated. 

“try to hold it in, baby, i’m not done loosening you up. you wanna cum on my cock, right?”

it’s such a vulgar question and makes felix’s lower body tingle, but he nods yes eagerly.

“that’s my baby. i’m gonna put in another one, alright?”

“h-how many are you gonna?”

“just three,” hyunjin assures him, which probably isn’t enough for felix, because virgin hole is so damn tight , but his poor baby is already shaking enough as it is while he pushes in his index finger, and hyunjin doesn’t want to make him pass out during their first time.

“fuck, oh my god,” felix whines. he could feel the stretch with each additional finger, but the third is taking so long to get used to. every rub is intense, so intense, and felix is pretty sure he’s crying, but his face is so hot he can’t tell where warm tears could be falling. he involuntarily arches his back off the bed, and hyunjin simply pins his hips down by pressing on his pelvis. it only makes the pleasure more potent, and felix knows he’s crying now, because hyunjin is making him feel so good, but felix isn’t going to be good for him. “j-jinnie, ’m sorry, i can’t ’m gonna cum, it’s too– ah !” felix yelped too loudly, but he doesn’t know it. the dam finally broke open and his body is flooded with relief and euphoria, and he knows he’s making such a mess but it feels too good for him to care.

hyunjin works him through his orgasm, but it’s hard to focus and keep a steady rhythm as felix moans his new nickname over and over, and his hole has hyunjin’s fingers in a vice grip, and he’s shaking hard while cumming all over himself. felix is so cute, even half naked and spread out for him, and hyunjin has to fight the urge to palm his own cock right now and let himself finish too. he puts his focus on monitoring felix to know when he’s coming down so he doesn’t stimulate him too much.

felix is panting by the time his vision refocuses and his head is somewhat clear again. hyunjin was on his knees between his legs fumbling with a condom wrapper, and felix can see why he was raving about his dick, because the print alone as it strains against the fabric of his pants makes felix weak in the knees again. “it’s my favorite, too,” felix mumbles, because he still isn’t quite thinking straight.

he didn’t hear what he said, but hyunjin thinks felix is more or less back now. “you okay lixie?”

the fact that it needed to be asked made felix cringe, and hyunjin notices. “hey, you’re fine, i’m just making sure i didn’t hurt you, or go too wild.”

and of course that’s what hyunjin meant, because he’s so much sweeter than felix expected and is currently giving him credit for. “i’m okay. you did good, i really liked it.”

hyunjin smiles genuinely. ordinarily, he would’ve teased his partner for saying something like that, but felix is just too precious– and can barely make eye contact with him right now– for him to feel anything other than adoration. “i’m glad.” he kisses the medial side of felix’s knee before abandoning his current plan to get the condom open and tears the foil open with his teeth.

something about it was extremely attractive to felix, and he hopes hyunjin didn’t notice the way a little bit of cum leaked out as he watched. Sexy as it was, though, felix was always iffy about condoms. he’d long hoped his first time would be with someone that was truly his, and he theirs, and it wouldn’t be necessary to use protection. it is a bit silly, but he really likes hyunjin and wants to feel him as much as possible. “doc– jinnie?”

“yes, my love?” hyunjin asks as he tugs the waistband of his pants down. felix’s mind blanks when his cock springs free. it’s even bigger than he thought, and the same pretty vibrant pink as his lips, and looks too thick for him to even wrap his hand around. he doesn’t even remember he was asking its owner a question until he moves to cage it in a latex prison.

“i wanna do it raw,” felix blurts out quickly.

hyunjin looks up, somewhat stunned.  he’s no expert on the virgin psyche, but one would think someone cautious enough to wait twenty three years to have sex wouldn’t want to go bareback with a man he knew for a week. he pauses, considering it. naturally, being a doctor, hyunjin takes care of his health, sexual included, and knows he’s clean and clear. he also doesn’t doubt for a second felix was a complete virgin given how fast he came just for getting fingered. hyunjin also recalls how felix’s hole basically sucked him in during the fact, and the thought of feeling that directly on his cock was viciously tantalizing. but, he is still a doctor, and felix also happens to be his subordinate, and he doesn’t want to promote any bad or unsafe habits.

“okay,” hyunjin says anyway. his deliberation in reality only took two seconds. “i am clean, but never trust anyone else who just says that to you, and in any other circumstance you need to be using condoms.”

felix giggles, reaching up to wrap his hands around hyunjin’s toned upper arms to bring him closer as he flops back down. “i’m not gonna hear it from anyone else, dummy. you’re the only one i ever wanna do it with.”

hyunjin blushes, and he hates it. no one should be this cute asking to get fucked raw. 

before he can lose his nerve to actually have sex and cave in to his desire to just jack off to felix’s face while he’s looking up at him, he blindly fumbles for the lube bottle. felix has his tiny fingers in his hair, playing with the shorter strands at the base of his neck, so he doesn’t want to sit up and look properly. right as felix notices what he’s doing and stops his ministrations, he grabs it.

“please keep doing that,” hyunjin says quietly. he’s embarrassed, too embarrassed, and he can’t blame on anything else other than felix was malignantly adorable and hyunjin can’t handle it. losing his virginity was less nerve wracking than this.

as much anxiety as hyunjin has, he thankfully lacks it of the performance variety. still not pulling away from felix’s tender exploration of the locks of hair around his nape, he one handedly manages to slick his cock with a generous amount of lube. felix sucks in air between his teeth after he spreads the excess on his rim without warning. “ah– sorry.”

“thank god you didn’t go into urology.”

“alright, alright ,” hyunjin says exasperatedly, making felix chuckle. he likes hearing him laughing. he’ll honestly take as many sly digs from felix as he wants to give just to hear it, but hyunjin isn’t going to tell him that. at least, not now. there will be plenty of time for him to open his heart up more than he should later on. on the topic of exposing oneself, though… “can i take this off?” he asks, tugging at the bottom hem of his shirt. “i really want to see you.”

felix was going to tease him about the way he asked now, yet lifted his top nearly all the way off in a much more public setting earlier, but hyunjin is so earnest, and it’s so unlike his normal suave demeanor, all felix can do is whisper a soft okay and let him remove his shirt. he’s gentle as he does it, like always.

“you’re so beautiful,” hyunjin sighs as he admires felix’s nude form. it’s making felix shy, and he’s sorry about it, but he’s also been dreaming (fantasizing may be more accurate) about this moment for what felt like an eternity, though it was only a little over a week. felix’s skin is pale, and hyunjin reminds himself to nag him about getting his iron checked. the freckles on his chest and clavicle are much lighter, too, but the more he looks the more caramel colored angel kisses pop out at him, like stars in a clear night sky. 

hyunjin knows felix is strong, he’s seen him lift equipment that weighs more than him with ease, but having him fully naked under him, now, he’s realizing he is pretty tiny. his arm muscles aren’t overly prominent, and his stomach is toned but not chiseled. he also has a fairly small waist to hip ratio. it’s the way that felix looks at him, though, with anticipation, but also fear, and trust, his eyes telling hyunjin that felix wants him, not just to be taken by him, so please be gentle with him, it makes him look so vulnerable. hyunjin can easily break him in more ways than one, and felix has no reason to put faith in him that he won’t, but here he is anyway, laid out for hyunjin and letting him have his way with him. being a doctor, hyunjin realizes he’s taken for granted the trust people put in him– it was a given if they were seeking care, simply par for the course. but felix has nothing to gain from trusting him, and so, so much to lose, but he does anyway, and hyunjin doesn’t know why, or what he’s done to even deserve it. it gives him a funny feeling in his chest, and there’s no scientific explanation for getting butterflies from someone, so he’s at an impasse. he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, and he should, but he gets the feeling felix doesn’t either, and doesn’t seem to mind. they really only know that they’re short sighted and reckless and very into each other, and it feels like that’s enough. they’ll figure the rest out later.

“thank you,” is all hyunjin can say, because he doesn’t know how to even put what he’s thanking him for in words.

felix doesn’t really understand what he’s being thanked for, but he figures hyunjin doesn’t either, and he wants him to know that it’s fine, so he just whispers “you’re so welcome, jinnie.”

hyunjin leans down to kiss him, because he thinks he may actually die if he doesn’t, hypochondria be damned. it was originally just a sweet gesture, but felix wraps his legs around his waist and arms around his neck, and suddenly they’re biting each others’ lips and rutting their cocks against each other and the room is ten degrees hotter. felix pulls the bottom hem of hyunjin’s shirt impatiently, and he pulls away for less than a second to yank it off before returning to felix’s lips. they’re not quite even kissing at this point, moreso colliding lips and tongues and teeth, trying to burn the taste of one another into their mouths. hyunjin can’t help himself, and is back to marking what little space is left uncovered on felix’s neck. he’s sloppy, and accidentally goes over hickeys that are already purpling a few times, and felix drags his nails down the skin of his back. hyunjin knows it’s not retaliation, felix just wants to mark him, too, and even though it stings, so do his own love bites, and it makes it all the better.

felix combs his fingers through hyunjin’s hair, and it feels like threading them with silk ribbons. he’s bucking his hips into hyunjin’s whose cock is thick and heavy as it grinds against his own. his stomach is getting sticky with precum and he’s already greedy for another orgasm. he jerks hyunjin’s head away from him by his hair, which surprises both of them. “um– please can… can you fuck me now, jinnie?”

felix is ridiculous– bold enough to drag hyunjin by the hair just to blush ruby red and avoid eye contact while politely requesting his dick. hyunjin laughs, and felix’s blush deepens. hyunjin quickly kisses felix’s forehead, then nose, then lips. “since you asked so nicely.”

hyunjin is, admittedly, a little nervous as he lines himself up with felix’s entrance. he’s just so small. but he’s also impatient, and lets out an annoyed whine, and hyunjin feels bad about making him wait, so, against his better judgement, he pushes the tip in with the minimum amount of force needed to get it inside.

hyunjin is big. having eyes, felix knew this already, but while looking at hyunjin’s dick made his mouth water, actually feeling the thick head pressing into him has his eyes watering instead. he breathes, and it’s a conscious effort. felix’s nails are still digging into hyunjin’s back, and he tries not to scratch any deeper, because he doesn’t want hyunjin to think he’s in too much pain and stop. the stretch is beyond belief, and felix wonders if it can even fit at all. he tries not to think about the thick rod impaling him, and focuses on how warm hyunjin’s body is, and how he still has that sweet, green smell emanating from him, like it’s being secreted by his honey skin itself.

suddenly, though, hyunjin feels different. felix looks down, and he’s about halfway in, and it’s already quite deep, but felix can feel something else, too. the same lightning shock of pleasure from earlier, but milder. hyunjin’s dick must be pressing against his prostate, and it makes the gaping so much more tolerable as the warm length grinds against it. felix looks up at hyunjin, who’s struggling with the effort of not bucking his hips harshly and fully sheathing himself into felix’s tight heat. felix doesn’t know this, though, and assumes his furrowed brow is because he’s worried he’s hurting him. he tugs hyunjin down by the tufts of hair on his nape to give him a soft, slow kiss.

“it feels good, jinnie,” felix mumbles before grinning against hyunjin’s lips.

he’s driving hyunjin crazy. 

hyunjin forces himself to keep going steadily though, and, finally , he’s bottomed out.

and felix feels incredible.

hyunjin’s cock is twitching violently, and it’s embarrassing, but felix is still looking up at him. he’s so close to his face, and felix’s smile is impossibly angelic and sweet, even though hyunjin’s dick is far from beginner friendly. felix is also squeezing him, hard . hyunjin can feel his walls contracting around him as they try to get used to the sensation of being penetrated.

felix just can’t stop smiling, and his pupils are blown out with lusty adoration. the stretch is still there, of course, though dulled now. the feeling of fullness is more noticeable– felix is utterly stuffed. hyunjin is so deep, all of felix’s senses are muted, and all he can think about is hyunjin: his cock, his face, his scent, the lingering taste of him on felix’s lips, and the sound of him panting, trying to keep himself from moaning too loud. hyunjin’s dick is moving a little inside him, and felix isn’t sure if it’s on purpose or not, but it keeps pressing against his g spot. it’s not enough to stimulate him, but it feels good. he wants more.

“jinnie?” felix whispers. “are you gonna move?”

if hyunjin does, he might cum, but he won’t deny felix anything. he pulls out, only a quarter, and squirts more lube on his dick. when he slides back in, it’s wetter, and much easier, but still so warm and tight , it’s almost unbearable. he can feel arousal burning inside him, and all hyunjin wants is to pound into felix’s hole until he’s crying.

felix’s back arched as hyunjin pushed back in. his inner thighs are already tingly, and he can’t stop leaking precum. it’s just so… much , he can’t stand it. felix wants it faster, harder, and when he looks up at hyunjin with those glittery doe eyes, hyunjin reads his mind like a book.

suddenly felix’s thighs are pressed back and his legs are resting on each of hyunjin’s shoulders. hyunjin slides one hand on his hip and the other one takes felix’s hand, and then kisses his nose, almost as if he’s apologizing for what he’s about to do. felix blushes, and wants to say something, but then hyunjin starts moving.

“ fuck ,” hyunjin moans. he’s thrusting into felix like an animal now, and he shouldn’t be; he was supposed to be careful, and tender, but now he’s ruining felix’s tiny little body, and it feels so damn good . “lixie, baby, you feel so good, so perfect, fuck .”

felix barely hears him over the slick sound of hyunjin rutting into him. it doesn’t help how big hyunjin is, and his impossibly thick cock keeps grinding against his prostate at an ungodly speed, so felix can’t even think. his poor g spot is being abused, and each slide against it causes tidal waves of pleasure to crash over his lower half and spread through the upper. “oh my god– oh my god , hyunjin,” felix cries, in a literal sense. fat warm teardrops coat his cheeks and even fatter warm drops of precum coat his tummy, and it’s pathetic, but he can’t care. his body is trembling, and it feels like he’s cumming though he knows he’s not. “i love it– mnh– ’ts so deep– ah– hyung .”

oh.

felix didn’t even mean for it to slip out, hyunjin isn’t that much older than him; felix knows it’s weird. his mouth drops open as he tries to apologize, but suddenly hyunjin’s is against it, and his warm, wet tongue is twisting deep inside.

“i like that. keep saying it,” hyunjin pants, his lips brushing against felix’s as he speaks. he didn’t know how to introduce kinks naturally into the conversation, given this is felix’s first time, yet somehow felix got it first try. hearing felix call him that in his raw, desperate voice almost made him climax on the spot; he’s still paused, because he doesn’t trust himself to not cream inside felix already if he moves at this point.

“mmkay,” felix says with an intent nod. he’s so adorable. hyunjin’s dick is throbbing again, and he decides that if he cums, he cums, but felix is too cute for him to not get aggressively fucked right now.

“my good boy,” hyunjin snarls into his ear, and he feels felix tighten around him with a gasp. guess he’s figured out what felix is into, too.

hyunjin starts up his thrusts again, deep and harsh. he’s cursing into felix’s ear shamelessly, and felix drinks it up. hyunjin’s voice is low and ragged, and it makes felix’s eyes roll back because it’s so lewd, and sends chills down his spine. hyunjin’s also pounding into him with enough force to make him see stars; felix can’t hold on for much longer. 

“ hyung ,” felix whines. it was a mistake, because hyunjin is now burying his face into felix’s neck and moving even faster. “god, hyung, fuck , s-so close, ’m sorry– can’t hold it ~”

“yes you, can, baby, you’re doing so good,” hyunjin groans into bruise tainted skin. he can’t help himself and bites down, and his hips stutter when felix clenches around him and claws at his back with his free hand. “pretty boy, you wanna be good for hyung, yeah? just wait for me, baby, i want us to cum together.”

felix wants that, too, he really does, but hyunjin’s plush lips are kissing his contused neck, and his hands are so big and strong gripping his hip and dwarfing one of his, and he’s deep enough for felix to feel him in his throat, and the friction on his prostate is making his vision go black around the edges. and hyunjin’s voice, god, his voice , so thick with a passionate lust, keeps making him shiver with arousal. it’s so much, stimulation on stimulation that felix’s little virgin body can’t begin to process. his head feels clouded, and pleasure is warming him from the inside out, and felix wants to drown in it so bad, and just let go.

“it’s so– it’s too good, hyung~” felix sobs, and he’s not sure if that or desire is what’s making him shake. “s-so big, ’n’ deep, wanna cum on your dick so bad, jinnie hyung.”

“ fuck ,” hyunjin hisses. felix made him lose his rhythm, but he’s not ready to finish yet, even though his balls strain with the effort of not expelling their load. “don’t talk like that, baby. i can’t handle it.”

“but i wanna ,” felix whimpers. hyunjin’s grip inadvertently loosened on his hip, and felix rolls his pelvis upwards to heat his thrusts. hyunjin tightens instinctively so he doesn’t climax from the sensation. “mnh– p-please, let me cum, jinnie hyung, please – fuck . y’can keep goin’ after, ’t-til you do, too. wanna– ah – get filled up.” 

felix is more than a little incoherent, hyunjin can tell. it doesn’t make his words any less erotic, though, and hyunjin is tempted to just make felix gag on his fingers again so he doesn’t have to keep hearing them. hyunjin’s body is coated in sweat, and it’s exhausting denying himself release when felix is talking so filthily and his hole is sucking his cock in with every move. he can’t let this end, though, because when it does they’ll have to talk, and think, and all he wants is to stay lost in the euphoria of thrusting into his tight heat, making him stray farther from his sweet and pure self with every stroke.

“where’d my little angel go, hm? you’re talking like such a slut.” as if it’s not about to make hyunjin blow any second.

“ ah – don’t wanna be an angel, i w- wanna be your slut ~” felix sighs. he’s not even thinking anymore, he’s right on the precipice of his orgasm, and with his body so numb with bliss he has to stop from spilling over, filtering his words seems a pointless waste of energy. “ fuck , hyung, use me, ’m all yours– mm . just l-let me cum for you.”

“ god – fuck,” hyunjin moans, and he knows he’s done for. he moves his hand off felix’s hip and wraps it around the base of his cock, spreading the fat bead of precum over the tip and spreading it downwards with a few pumps of his fist. “give it to me, then baby. show hyung how good he’s fucking you.”

felix’s body is tensing, and he’s shaking, hard, because hyunjin’s thick cock plunging into him right up against his prostate felt heavenly on its own, but with hyunjin’s large hand now stroking him off as well, he feels like he’s going into afib, and his sight fully goes out. felix cums, and it feels like fireworks, so much more violent and aggressive than his first orgasm, wracking his tremorous frame with pleasure so intense it almost hurts. he’s crying, or moaning, or both; all felix knows is he can’t stop saying hyunjin’s name, because, god , that man knows how to work his body until he’s seeing delirious. 

hyunjin is still pounding into felix, though his thrusts are arrhythmic and messy; he knows he can’t delay his climax much longer. he’s overstimulating felix, and it’s a bit cruel knowing how sensitive he is, but the suction on his slick walls is even more intense while he’s orgasming, and it’s makes hyunjin’s body buzz with delight. he just needs one little thing, now.

“lixie. look at me, baby,” hyunjin huffs. he lets go of felix’s hand to cup his face and make him look into his eyes. felix’s are puffy and damp and having trouble focusing, though he tries his best. and even with red, tear stained cheeks with redder still eyes, felix is beautiful. his rosy lips are pouted and hyunjin has to kiss them, because felix has been such a good boy for him, and he loves it. and, hyunjin loves him, too, he thinks, but he doesn’t think before speaking next. “my god, i love you felix. you’re so pretty, so perfect, perfect for me– fuck .” hyunjin latches back on to felix’s lips, and they’re so soft, and felix slides his fingers in his hair and pulls him even closer, and hyunjin wonders if he’d even been speaking out loud, but he decides he doesn’t care a second later, because he’s cumming. and felix is by far the best he’s ever had, because the life practically leaves his body; he collapses on the poor thing, the last bit of energy in hyunjin’s spent body is used to push himself as deep in as he can get before painting felix’s walls milk white. there’s a lot, too, because hyunjin had been trying to be better and resisted the urge to get off to fantasies of filling felix up like he is now. hyunjin’s been so pent up, it’s no wonder his body melts finally getting to chase his relief inside the man of his dreams, who just gasps softly at how heavy his load is. 

even after he’s done, hyunjin thrusts into felix a few more times for good measure, because– by felix’s own admission– he’s his, and hyunjin likes to overstimulate himself, especially since it means fucking his cum deeper inside.

“mm– jinnie~” felix moans, and hyunjin’s not sure if it’s a complaint, but he stops anyway. felix’s voice has brought him back to reality, and according to his watch it’s still only 2:30 am, meaning they both have some time on their hands.

meaning, they should talk.

first, though, hyunjin should get off of felix. hyunjin tries to pull away, but felix wraps his arms around his neck and whines. “don’t go.”

hyunjin won’t, not if felix asks him not to. he’ll stay in this tiny room on this offensively thin mattress for the rest of his life if felix wants him to. but, not in this position. hyunjin pulls felix’s legs off his shoulders, earning another noise of complaint that makes his heart flutter. felix is such a baby. his baby, hopefully. 

hyunjin flips the two of them over so he’s on his back and felix is on top of him, because hyunjin would rather handle his weight much more than the other way around. hyunjin’s cock slips out in the process, but felix shuffles down so it’s pressed against his ass. his head is on hyunjin’s chest and their legs tangle together, and it’s so pleasant hyunjin can ignore the semen that’s dripping down his shaft.

they lay together for a while, but not long enough, because it’s still well away from 4 when felix speaks.

“so..”

where’s his extraversion when hyunjin needs it? hyunjin isn’t good at these talks in the best of scenarios, so having to figure out what to do now that he’s had sex with his (de facto) nurse, and confessed that he loved him–

fuck.

hyunjin is not a romantic, or never has been, at least. he’s never said the one-four-three letter curse first, in the few relationships where he’d even say it at all. he’s also not, for all his impulsivity, the type to ever say it without thinking. and yet, he did, and that’s probably what felix is trying to bring up awkwardly. dr. bahng should kill him, if out of nothing but mercy.

“i’m sorry.” it’s the best hyunjin can do.

“for what?”

god, why would felix make him say it? what a cruel lover hyunjin has cast his lot with. “for, you know… the… I-L-Y thing.”

“oh.” a pause, an excruciating one for hyunijn, because he has no clue what felix meant by that, and suddenly that familiarity he’d imagined has gone away, and hyunjin has no fucking clue what he’s done. “why?”

why? that’s the question of the evening, it seems. “because, you know… we just met, and it’s… not usually what you say on the first hookup.”

“when do you say it, then?”

“um… when you mean it?” hyunjin doesn’t know what felix is getting at.

“so you didn’t mean it?”

“no!” hyunjin meant it, and that’s the worst part.

“‘no,’ as in no, you didn’t mean it, or ‘no,’ as in you didn’t not mean it?”

hyunjin has a headache. both options sound equally awful, but for different reasons. “i don’t know which answer i should give you.”

“whichever one is true, hyunjin.”

so, the worse answer, then. “‘no,’ as in…” hyunjin can’t even remember the question. “i think i do love you, felix. i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have sprung it on you, it’s just how i felt– how i still feel, actually, it’s just– i don’t know, i’ve never felt so much for someone so fast, to the point it makes me stupid, and—”

“you’re not stupid, jinnie. not to me.”

“i’m stupid for you, though.”

“i think i’m stupid for you, too.”

great. they’re on the same page. what now?

felix doesn’t know. he never made it to the one-four-three letter curse stage with any of his few, few ex boyfriends. he was scared of hearing it, and even more scared of saying it back, because love is such a big emotion for him, so raw, and real, and devastating, and he doesn’t want to deal with it, not yet, at least. he always imagined if a guy said it too soon he’d run for the hills.

but, felix doesn’t want to run. he already tried to avoid hyunjin, and look where it’s led him: right into the arms and bed (obtained illegally, albeit) of the big, bad, devastatingly attractive man who makes felix feel things he doesn’t understand. and maybe it is love, then, too, because it’s just as scary. hyunjin is also scared, though– his heart beats like a hummingbird, and the coolness and confidence in his voice has been wavering. it’s ironic, a bit, how felix could so easily entrust hyunjin with his body, but is keeping his heart off limits.

he doesn’t want to, though. felix wants to give all of himself to hyunjin, but he doesn’t know how. he never did, because hyunjin is everything felix could want, but felix doesn’t feel like he’s anything hyunjin deserves. he wants to be hyunjin’s, but does he deserve to have hyunjin be his? felix would feel guilty either way– disappointing him by turning him down, or by accepting him and never measuring up.

“i want to say i love you, jinnie, i do,” felix says softly, and his heart already aches for some reason. “but i don’t think i have the right.”

hyunjin has no idea what felix is talking about– he was the one that came on to him first, if anything hyunjin was the one with no right to intimidate his subordinate into sleeping with him and springing a love confession onto him. 

“felix, you have every right to love me, or not to love me, or to not know. you don’t even need to tell me now, that isn’t what i wanted, or anything.”

“what did you want?”

“i want you, in any way you’ll give yourself to me. i know i don’t really deserve you, and i’m kind of a scumbag for coming on so strong, but… but, if there’s any way you can take me seriously, i would like to start over with you so i can do it right.”

“oh, jinnie, you definitely did it right,” felix says with a sly smile. hyunjin laughs, and blushes a bit, because he’d never been with someone he liked enough to be as nervous (and thus short lasting) as he was.

“i could do it even better with some wine in me.”

“mm, shame you can’t drink on the clock.”

“i can off of it, though. and provide us a proper bed to do it on. and a nice dinner beforehand, to set the mood, you know?”

“sounds like a date.” felix lifts up to look in his eyes, and there’s a glimmer in his eye that makes hyunjin fall for him all over again. “i’m down. but i’m not gonna let you keep me up all night. i don’t stay up past two for free.”

“i can’t make any promises.” hyunjin smiles, and it catches, and suddenly the two are laughing, for no real reason.

“now, about our jobs…”

“just quit yours. i can provide for both of us.” felix gives hyunjin a quizzical look. “is it too early for that joke?”

“very.”

“realistically, i can probably just switch departments, i’m early enough in my residency to do that. means i won’t be able to bother you while you’re working though.” hyunjin pouts, and it’s almost sincere.

“what’s the downside?”

“you know you’re gonna miss me, lixie.”

“if it helps you sleep at night.”

hyunjin opens his mouth to respond, but his phone buzzes. he frowns at the screen.

“everything okay?” felix asks.

“yeah, i just need to get back. i’m well over my one hour lunch.”

“you get an hour ?”

hyunjin sits up abruptly, since he didn’t know that wasn’t standard and feels a little awkward. felix climbs off him and hands him his shirt. “we can talk more after we’re off. how does breakfast sound?”

“early. can we do brunch?”

“we’ll do whatever you want. i’ll see you, my love.” hyunjin pecks felix’s forehead. he pauses, as if to think, then kisses him, much more passionately than he has time for, before jogging out of the room.

felix leaves a little after him, to clean up and decrease suspicion. he’s exhausted, and limping, and has to resort to that awful break room coffee, but he can still taste hyunjin on his lips, and it makes it that much sweeter.

————

4 am comes, and felix sees hyunjin doing his rounds, and thank god they’re far enough away for the blushes that appear on their faces after making eye contact not to be attributed to each other.

6 am they walk to the parking lot separately, and felix waits until the coast is clear to sneak into the passenger’s side of hyunjin’s car.

8 am, they’re finally crashed on hyunjin’s bed after stupidly deciding to go at it again once they got to his house. 

12 pm, they’re hungry, so felix cooks, then hyunjin cleans, and it all comes so naturally to them it’s almost scary. they fit so well into each others lives and arms that by the time they settle back in hyunjin’s king sized bed, appetites satiated in more ways than one, they honestly forget they only got together half a day ago. 

hyunjin and felix fall back asleep, and, after that, they lose track of the day completely. thankfully, they’re off, which means endless more hours of kissing and cuddling and arguing over silly things until they’re cramping with laughter. and, in the few quiet moments, they do know they feel far too much far too early, and are moving far, far too fast, but when you finally get the nerve to come onto your work crush in the middle of the night and can’t even remember not knowing him twelve hours later, your perception of time feels even more vestigial than that one niche organ in your lower abdomen.