Work Text:
-1: The Beginning
The first time Buck heard about Tommy was about a month into his probationary period.
Buck was ranting about the woes of going through traffic in LA and how it made him late for the third time that month.
Chimney let out a sigh. "God, you and Tommy would be such a pair; I don't think he ever not complained about traffic," he said, positively bored.
Buck scowled (pouted). "Who the hell is Tommy?" he said, trying not to care, which was amusing to Chimney, who figured out quickly that the kid could not lie to save his life.
Ever since their firehouse was blessed (or cursed, he couldn’t decide) with the kid, it has been far more entertaining. Buck was damn good at the job, but more importantly, he fit exactly into the puzzle that was their group.
Bobby clearly liked the kid, and Hen developed a sibling-like bond with him. Soon, Chimney found out that while Buck tended to dive headfirst into trouble, he had a heart of gold.
As a paramedic, though, Chimney found himself worrying about how Buck always seemed to be hurt some way or another. He was being every medic nightmare about it too, which was something else he had in common with Tommy. That man almost gave him multiple heart attacks.
"You're filling his spot, actually," Chimney said, then went back to reading the recipe for the dish Bobby was trying to teach him, even though it is entirely unlikely that he will learn it. Hopefully Tatyana would appreciate the effort.
"Well, maybe I will meet him sometime; he probably will be more helpful than you," Buck said teasingly, and Chimney didn't even look back at him.
"Sure thing, Buck," Chimney said in a monotonous voice.
"Who are we talking about?" Said Hen as she went up the stairs to the loft.
"Tommy," Buck and Chimney said in unison but in very different tones. Buck spat it out with a bit of jealousy, while Chimney's voice was absent-minded as he remained focused on the task at hand.
Hen's eye moved between them, clearly interested in whatever was going on here but also not willing to get into it. Not with so much going on in her own life.
"That reminds me," she said as she sat next to Buck and stole the controller he was holding, even though he had paused the game for so long, she assumed. Buck didn't try to object even as he let out a sigh. "He was supposed to come for lunch tomorrow; something about paperwork, I guess," she added as she cruised through the level with more ease than Buck could ever do.
Buck thought that there's nothing Hen wouldn't be able to do.
Her words suddenly registered. Tommy was coming tomorrow. The man he was replacing, who had everyone's admiration when Buck himself struggled to be liked.
He felt as if everyone here treated him like a decoration at best or a liability at worst.
He hated that. He hated Tommy.
The next day, when Chim finally announced that Tommy was coming, Buck offered to go on a coffee run and immediately bolted out of the firehouse.
If he met with a woman that he matched with and then they had sex in his car so he could forget all about how he always feels like a fill-in, someone passing by, someone you don't want to keep, then it was between him and the god he didn’t believe in.
He just needed to resign that he will never be liked; he would never be someone like Tommy.
Or Bobby, Hen, or Chim.
2: The Second Time
Despite the chaos that overtook LA due to dispatch being down, Harbour was uneventful.
Sure, they were dispatched a whole two times for search and rescue and to provide medical assistance to a couple of hikers, but besides a mild case of dehydration, nothing was serious.
Tommy wanted to be glad about it, but he couldn't help but feel restless.
At a different time, all that Tommy wanted in life was peace; now, he can't stand the quiet place.
His house was always quiet before it went to shit. His mother was hardly uttering a word because she knew whatever came next out of her mouth would set him off, and the quiet that Tommy longed for would feel so boisterous it was unbearable.
So yeah, he hated the fact that he couldn’t sit awaiting the storm. He would rather be in the heart of it than hoping it will miss him.
But dispatch was down, and they didn't get to do much this shift.
This was why Tommy picked up Howie's call immediately; he knew he was running from what his mind did to him in the silence.
Howie asked for a favour, and he really didn't need to, because as soon as Howie was done explaining, Tommy told him that he would be on it. He quickly informed his captain, who quickly approved, and Tommy was flying.
Howie invited him to his house for a beer the next day as a thank you for helping, and Tommy wanted to tell him that it was okay, that it was literally his job, but that night his house felt too empty of any sound.
On these days, he would do anything to not be there alone. So he took Howie up on his offer and drove there against his better judgement because, of course, the roads would be jammed. 10 years in LA, and he still forgot how awful the traffic could be.
He was in a rush when he entered the building when he bumped into someone. The man was lanky and very pretty. "Sorry," said the man cheerfully before running out. Tommy didn’t think too much of it and made his way towards Howie's apartment.
Tommy started ranting about traffic the moment Howie opened the door, making a beeline towards the couch, a game was on the TV. He set down the six packs he got and continued complaining.
Howie had an amused grin on his face. "Remind me to introduce you to Buck," he said teasingly.
Tommy froze for a second.
His first reaction was to joke about whether this Buck is "cute," but then he remembered how differently Howie remembered him. He felt guilty for being so scared to have this part of his life collide with another.
Ever since he went to Harbour, he has been more open about calling himself queer, but Howie doesn't know him as that man. He knew him as an asshole, then a part of his team, and then his friend.
Howie must have noticed Tommy's spiral because he was giving him a questioning look.
"I am gay," Tommy uttered, then looked at Howie, horrified, and he was sure his face was as pale as a white sheet.
Howie hummed, "Uh, well, that makes sense." He shrugged, then grabbed his midsection, his face contorting with pain.
This time it was Tommy's turn to reach out in concern. "Are you okay, man?" he asked, sitting next to his friend and trying to examine him without making him uncomfortable.
Howie nodded, his face still showing a great deal of pain. "Yeah, just a small stab wound," he explained, then picked up his beer.
Tommy immediately plucked it from his hand and set it back on the table. "Excuse me? You got stabbed?" he asked incredulously, "Why the fuck did you invite me for beer then? You can't drink it."
"I can drink a little!" Howie retorted, feeling chastised.
Tommy glared at him. "Sit your ass down," he warned him as he moved to where Howie pointed out was the kitchen. Howie always kept a first-aid kit under his sink. Even though Tommy hadn't seen him for years, he couldn't just forget about how Howie got about being a paramedic.
If Howie had protests, he didn’t voice them. Instead, he complained about his latest relationship and how he and Maddie thought it would be easy to start again, but everything was still raw.
Tommy focused his attention on re-wrapping the wound and tried to ignore the fact that it has forever changed how Howie saw him.
It's fine anyway; Tommy was tired of lying.
-3: The Third Time is not the Charm
All his life, Buck had been lonely.
Sure, he had people around most of the time. In fact, he made it a point to be surrounded by bodies; regardless of how they wanted him, he kept them because, at least, he wouldn't be alone.
Then Abby happened and changed his whole perspective; suddenly, one person loving him felt as if it was the greatest gift he ever got. It's why he couldn't let go of her so easily. It's why he promise to wait when it was clear that her affection for him wasn't love.
He loved her, and that felt enough. If he can't be loved, he would take being needed, and Abby needed him. She needed a distraction from her heavily loaded life; she needed a place to escape.
It's fine; Buck could accept that.
Then Buck met Red.
The older gentleman was brash and fun, but he was also alone. He was reliving his glorious days as a firefighter and a hero, all on his own.
At the risk of sounding like a complete ass, Buck saw his worst nightmares in Red's life, so he wanted to fix things for him. He wanted him to be loved, cherished, celebrated, and honoured.
When he brought Red's story to his friends, they all acted as if it were a faraway thing, as if it were a foreign concept to them. It's as if it was something that would not happen to them, but it already did.
Chim mentioned how he called Tommy, and every bit of hope Buck had diminished when it was clear that other than when they needed help, Chimney hadn’t talked to Tommy much after.
So Buck tried to not make it about him and amend things with Red. He organized something so the man would feel appreciated and respected.
Chimney patted him on the shoulder when he climbed into the truck, eyes still fixated on Red, who sat in the captain chair. "I am getting some drinks with Tommy after shift; you should come," Chim invited him.
Buck wanted to say yes; he wanted to be somehow assured that he wouldn’t fall into the cracks of everyone's life, that he would still matter to them in 5, 10, and 20 years.
Buck shook his head. "I need to stay with Red."
Chimney looked with a mix of concerned and understanding. Thankfully, he didn’t push, because Buck was pretty sure his own eyes were getting filled with tears.
He didn't want all of his efforts to do something nice for Red to be overshadowed by Buck's own issues.
He stayed with Red until his last breath.
4: Near but Far Away
Tommy was in a shit mood all week. He knew he was, and it was the reason that he tried to avoid every member of his team.
Breaking up with your boyfriend for three years after finding out that he was cheating on you does that to your mood.
He was moping around Harbour with a permanent nasty scowl, unlike what he tried to portray himself to be. He wasn't the asshole that his father and Gerrard made, but today, trying to course-correct felt so exhausting. He couldn't mask his annoyance and hurt for the convenience of the others.
He wanted to wallow in his misery in peace.
But that day he was reminded once more that he wasn't back home; he wasn't working under Gerrard, scared of making one move out of line lest he get "discovered." Instead, he had a team that cared about him and an understanding captain that would pat him on the back in support rather than tell him to "man up'.
When he tried to leave for his house, he was dragged by the rest of his team to a bar, where they promised him a fun time. Tommy smiled fondly and took them at their word.
He had fun; they drank, played pool, and bantered. At one point, his partner Sofia let him rant about his ass of a boyfriend while he drank tequila.
It was his turn with the pool, and he wasn't unsteady enough to completely faceplant on the floor (or the pool table), but enough that his turn ended quickly and unsuccessfully.
He turned towards the bar to call for Lucy. "Donato, your turn," he said, then found himself captured by the man Lucy was talking to. He wouldn't mind being a little distracted from his woes by him.
Lucy came back, and he turned to give her the stick.
Damn it, of course he would lose to Lucy "Good at Everything" Donato.
-5: Close but not yet
"Mayday, mayday, mayday, this is Air Ambulance 2, reporting firefighters down. Repeat... firefighters down!"
Tommy flinched as he heard Lucy calling from behind him. He dared look at the bridge, and it was a mess. The truck and ambulance were held by a precarious balance; there was a firefighter flattened against the windscreen of the ambulance, and he was sure the others were in a bad state too.
He tried so hard to focus while Lucy contacted dispatch, filled with worry about these people he had worked with for years.
"Air Ambulance Two, this is dispatch. Can you reroute to assist?" Dispatch said, voice filled with barely concealed sorrow.
Lucy tapped his shoulder, and he regrettably shook his head. "Negative," Lucy said with a sigh. "We have a priority spinal transfer," she added guilt laced with every word.
"Do you have a visual of how many firefighters are down?" The dispatcher asked desperately. He wondered if she had a loved one there, then winced at the thought. This must be her worst nightmare.
"All of them...the entire 118," Tommy finally added, trying to remain neutral as the lady gasped in horror.
"They were on the upper span when it collapsed." Lucy added helpfully for units coming to help but torturous for the woman this information was relayed to.
"Copy that air ambulance 2, units are being sent out right now." Maybe Tommy should have given her more credit because, despite the dire situation, despite how hurt she seemed at the information, she still did everything right.
Tommy was sure that the 118 were in good hands.
-+1-
When Chim filled him in, he and Eddie were down immediately.
All of them felt guilty about letting Hen down and about making her feel as if they didn't trust her. Buck trusted her with his life, and he was willing to give it if it meant that she didn’t feel alone on this.
He knew that since the lightning strike, he was riding the line between life and death like a tight rope. Always careful; yet never checkig if there's a safety net.
Right now, all he could think about was proving to Hen that he had her back. That he would do everything for her.
He didn't mean to get distracted; he wasn't sure why he was distracted by Tommy. The man was handsome and attentive. He listened to every word Chimney was saying and seemed ready to throw in with them without any hesitation. It filled Buck with a familiar yet unknown feeling.
Tommy turned to them, introducing himself, and Buck heard Eddie saying his name and shaking his hand.
Flustered by how the man was looking at him and how much he liked it, he extended his hand way too quickly and said, "Evan Buckley."
Tommy grinned at him and said, "Nice to meet you, Evan ."
Evan fought the urge to actually squeal at how his name sounded so much better uttered by Tommy.
Evan had always had a complicated relationship with his name. It was what his parents used, often with a tone filled with disappointment and exhaustion at his mere existence. It was also the name Maddie called him sometimes, and thankfully, it rarely felt like an insult from her, unlike the way it sounded coming out of his parents' mouth.
Now, Evan felt a newfound appreciation for the name, simply from the way Tommy said it.
He was filled with fondness and joy in a way he hadn't felt in years.
It didn’t make much sense to him until Tommy was there, kissing him. Body pressed against his, and for the first time Buck felt full, he felt free.