Chapter Text
Max needs something. He can't explain it but his skin is crawling and he can tell there's this rage simmering inside of him and he just needs it all to go away. He wants to be soothed, to be looked after. To be loved.
He constantly wonders if people can tell. If they know he's not as tough as he pretends to be but that he's soft and fragile. Just a little boy who needs to be loved.
But he's not a little. He'd know if he was. His dad took him to the test and it said… Well Max doesn't know what it said because they never showed him the results. But his dad said he's not a little and if he's not a little that means he can't crave the things he does. No matter how nice it looks when the littles in the paddock get a hug from their caregivers or a bottle. Max shouldn't need it and he shouldn't even want it.
“Hey Maxy,” Daniel says as he pops into Max's driver's room with a big smile on his face.
The nickname makes Max want to cry sometimes. It's too soft, too gentle. Too close to what he wants… Especially from a caregiver like Daniel is.
“Hi Daniel,” Max responds softly.
“Are you alright?” Daniel asks. “I know this race was bad for you.”
“It's fine,” Max says even though it's not. He's let everyone down.
“I worry about you, you know?” Daniel says. He sits down next to Max. “We both know making mistakes like this isn't like you.”
“I know I messed up. I'll be better next time,” Max snaps. He closes his eyes and sighs deeply, unable to hide his frustration.
Daniel places a hand on Max’s arm and softly rubs his sweaty skin. “I'm sorry, I should have said that in a nicer way. I just wanted to ask if anything had happened?”
Something inside Max just breaks. He starts crying and everything feels fuzzy and he's so alone. But he can barely speak or think.
“Daddy,” Max sobs. He tries to blink away his tears but he can't.
Daniel, thank goodness it's Daniel, immediately wraps Max into a hug and begins to soothe him. He understands what's happening straight away. Because he is a caregiver. A good caregiver.
“Those are some big feelings aren't they Maxy?” Daniel says gently. “Just let them all out, I've got you.”
“Daddy,” Max sobs again. “Maxy not meant to be little.”
“It's okay, Maxy,” Daniel says. “It's okay.”
Daniel texts GP. Max can tell but he can't say anything about it. The words won't come to him. It's probably for the best. He's not a little. He's not supposed to drop like this. Someone needs to fix him. Even if really Max doesn't want to be fixed, wants to stay in Daniel's arms instead. Daniel is safe and wonderful and good. This is everything Max has ever wanted. It's terrifying to be so close to having it all.
“You’re so brave, Maxy,” Daniel says sweetly.
Max finds himself smiling through his tears even though he shouldn't.
“Daddy,” he says again, not sobbing this time.
That's when GP walks in.
“Max dropped,” Daniel says, “I think today was too much for him.”
“Max is not a little,” GP says.
“Not s’posed to be,” Max mumbles. “Maxy's dad says Maxy's not little.”
GP’s eyes widen. “Do you think he falsified the test?”
“I think so,” Daniel says, “Judging by the adorable little boy in my arms.”
“Maxy adorable?” Max asks.
“The most adorable little boy,” Daniel says.
Max giggles.
“I'll go find supplies and I'll call an emergency meeting, you look after him,” GP says.
“I can do that,” Daniel says. “We'll have fun, won’t we Maxy?”
“Lots of fun,” Max agrees.
He's too tired to fight. If he gets to have this only once he's going to enjoy being in Daniel's arms and being cared for. Maybe it will be enough and he can get through the rest of his life, comfort himself with the memory.
“Did you just need a big hug, sweetheart?” Daniel asks, gently wiping away the tears that were still on Max's face.
“Daddy hug good,” Max says. “Maxy sad. Maxy lonely.”
“Daddy's here now, sweetheart,” Daniel says, pressing a gentle kiss to Max’s forehead.
Max giggles again. He likes Daniel’s affection so much. It soothes away all the bad icky feelings he's had lately.
“Maxy want Daddy,” Max admits in a whisper.
“Maxy can have Daddy,” Daniel replies, rubbing Max’s back.
“Daddy no have other little?” Max asks curiously, tilting his head a little.
“Daddy's been waiting for a special little and Maxy is very, very special,” Daniel says.
Maxy clumsily kisses Daniel’s cheek. “My daddy,” he says happily.
GP returns with some basic little items like some diapers, soft pajamas, a plushie, a dummy and a bottle.
“The meeting is in an hour,” GP says.
“Who will be there?” Daniel asks. “I don't want big Max to be uncomfortable. He doesn't like people knowing his business unless they should.”
“Maxy not go big,” Max says vehemently. “Maxy stay small with Daddy.”
Max can't let Daddy go. What if he never gets this again? He wants a Daddy so bad. He wants to be a little so bad. His hands shake with need.
“Maxy can stay small, that's okay,” Daniel soothes him.
“It will be just us, Christian, Rupert, Jonathan, and the team doctor,” GP answers Daniel's earlier question.
“I guess it will have to be okay,” Daniel says. “A sudden drop like this after what I assume is years since the last one is dangerous. He never showed any signs of dropping when we were teammates. He seemed comfy to me, then.”
“Maxy no drop before,” Max says. “Maxy want comfort always. But Maxy not meant to be little. Dad says so. But Maxy is always happy with Daniel.”
“You can be little as often as you want now and I'll look after you, sweetheart,” Daniel says.
“My Daddy,” Maxy says happily. It's hard to worry when he's like this. Being small and soft and with Daniel is just so nice. Max's head is finally calm after all these years. Things have always been better when he was near Daniel.
“Your Daddy,” Daniel confirms.
“I think he'll be okay with you,” GP says fondly.
Daniel exchanges a look with GP and smiles.
“Maxy can I change you and put on a diaper?” Daniel asks.
Max nods quickly. So Daniel lays him down on the carpet and undresses him carefully. Then he puts on Max's diaper, making sure to be fast but gentle. Then he puts on Max's pajamas which have race cars all over them. Once he's done, Daniel presses a kiss to Max’s nose which makes Max giggle again.
“Almost time for the meeting,” GP says, “I'll make sure you can take him there without anyone seeing. We'll look after Maxy now.”
Daniel thanks him. Then he picks up Max and the rest of the little items. He follows GP through the hospitality which is thankfully deserted. They sit down in Christian’s office. Max buries his face in Daniel's neck, suddenly feeling a little bit shy.
“He dropped suddenly?” The team doctor asks. “Can I take his blood?”
“I was talking with him, asking if he was okay and he dropped just like that. I've never seen him do that before,” Daniel explains. “As for his blood… I know you need to. But let's make sure he's ready for that first.”
“Of course,” the team doctor says with a gentle smile.
“Maxy? Can the nice doctor do a little test and take your blood?”
Maxy starts to cry again. “Don't want.”
Daniel soothes him. “Then we'll wait a little, sweetheart. That's okay.”
“I think even without the test I can confirm he is a little,” the doctor says. She frowns. “I've never seen a drop this bad… I don't know why we have him listed as a neutral.”
“That's the information his father provided,” Jonathan says, also frowning. “I should have known to check twice... That absolute bastard. We'll make the arrangements to have Max's status changed and to have his needs met.”
“This is… This is abuse, to deprive a little like that,” GP says, sounding horrified.
“I can't believe we didn't know,” Christian says, “Max has been deprived all this time… We've neglected him. Jos has neglected him. It's dangerous for a little to drive without the proper systems in place. This is horrible.”
“What if the drop happened to him in the car…” GP whispers. It's too awful to consider. Max is luckily blissfully unaware right now, happy to keep clinging to his new Daddy.
“His father can't be near him again,” the doctor says. “You should discuss this with Max too when he is big again but this is an unacceptable situation. Max could have been seriously hurt. And I'd say depriving him that long has hurt him already. Studies show just how bad it is for a little to be without a caregiver and without dropping at all. I'm surprised this drop didn't happen sooner, especially with the pressure he is under.”
“I'll look after him now,” Daniel says. “You can all focus on everything else but my priority is Max. Is there anything important I should know?”
“He might be extra clingy, he might struggle to switch headspaces. He might be unused to going into his headspace on purpose. Mostly he just needs love and patience,” the doctor explains. “I trust you can handle that, Daniel.”
“Of course,” Daniel says. “I've always tried to look after Max. I just didn't know he was little before. I guess I should have wondered… He barely knew how to look after himself when we were teammates but I blamed it on him being a teenager and just helped him out.”
“That might just be what saved him, Daniel,” the doctor says. She smiles a little. “He clearly feels safe with you.”
“Daddy safe,” Max mumbles. “Okay Maxy nap now.”
Daniel rubs his back. “You can sleep, baby, Daddy will look after you.”
Max closes his eyes, feeling more content than he ever has.
~~~
When Max wakes up again he's still in Christian’s office and unfortunately big again. He shifts awkwardly.
“Sorry,” he says.
“Don't be, please,” Daniel begs.
“I'm not supposed to be a little. I'm not supposed to want this,” Max says. “I don't understand what happened.”
“We think your dad lied about your test results,” GP says. “Did he ever give you the paperwork?”
Max shakes his head. “He just said I wasn't a little and that was it. I assumed that meant I was a neutral. That's what my super license said too.”
“He may have falsified the test,” the doctor says, “The only way to be sure is to take the test again. You didn't want to in your headspace but is it okay now?”
“Yeah sure,” Max says, “I don't like needles but I can deal with it.”
He blushes, suddenly realizing he is still sitting in Daniel's lap.
“I don't mind,” Daniel says quickly. “If you want, you can stay in my lap for the blood test and you don't have to look at the needle. Right doc?”
“That's right,” the doctor says.
“Okay,” Max whispers.
Daniel makes funny faces at him while the doctor quickly takes his blood for the test. Max can't help but giggle at Daniel and it helps the whole thing go by much faster.
“Done,” she says, “I can have the results back in an hour. But Max… I really think you are a little and being deprived for so long is not right.”
Max's lip trembles. He hates that he's so close to tears but he can't help it. It's all just so overwhelming. “I always get so jealous of Lando and Alex and George and Pierre because they get to be little and play and they get to be cared for and loved and I don't. I wanted it so bad.”
“You can have it sweetheart,” Daniel says. “You can have everything you want.”
Max buries his face in Daniel's neck.
“We'll take steps to ensure your father can't have access to you anymore,” Jonathan says.
“He'll be so mad,” Max whispers. “And I don't have a caregiver. What do I do?”
“You have me,” Daniel says. He swallows. “If you want that, at least. Your little self liked the idea but what does big you want?”
“I want you to be my caregiver,” Max says, “If you are sure. I don't want to be any trouble for you.”
“Of course I'm sure,” Daniel responds. “I love looking after you, Maxy.”
Max smiles. He knows Daniel can't see that but he hopes Daniel can feel it.
“For now I recommend fitting in as much little time as possible between race sessions and weekends, just to get Max's balance right again,” the doctor says.
“Won't that interfere with my training?” Max asks nervously.
“We'll make a new training program, suitable for littles,” Rupert says. “We'll have a look at your diet, too.”
“Okay,” Max says.
He's still feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. There's so much going on and so many changes. He can't wrap his head around it.
“I want you to have choices but you don't have to make all the decisions now and you don't have to do it alone,” Daniel says, “As your caregiver and as your friend, I'm here to help.”
“Okay,” Max says. With Daniel’s help he can do this.