Work Text:
Aki Hayakawa realizes he loves the Angel Devil when it’s far too late. It would’ve been too late no matter when he would’ve realized it, considering his fate.
He’d never had any time for love. Not of that kind.
He’d been too busy hunting down the gun devil, or taking care of Himeno, and he knew she loved him but he’d never understood why. Or how.
Then, Denji and Power came along and suddenly he had two more people to worry about. Then, Himeno died, and, well…
It’s not like he’d never considered the possibility of loving her. They’d kissed before. On nights when they were both too drunk to even recognize each other (or at least, he was too drunk to recognize her), Aki would kiss her just for the sake of kissing someone. When he would kiss her, he’d never feel his heart threatening to jump out of his chest, and he’d never be left yearning for more.
Simply holding Angel’s hand had left him yearning for more.
When Aki visits Angel in the hospital, he often brings him sweets. Aki holds glasses of water up to Angel’s mouth, feeds him his breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and sometimes even dresses him. He’s the only one brave enough to do it.
Once, Aki visits him to find Angel asleep. His halo hovers above his head, and Aki wonders how he sleeps with its constant glow. He lets himself stare at him as long as he likes.
Angel doesn’t seem at peace in his sleep. On the contrary, his brow is furrowed and his lips are fixed into a permanent frown. A bead of sweat rolls down his forehead.
He looks like he’s crying. Aki thinks.
He looks like he’s having a nightmare.
Should he wake him?
Angel’s face contorts. Aki leans down. “Hey, devil,” he whispers. Angel seems to relax, but doesn’t wake up. Aki lets out a sigh.
He jerks back after realizing how close their faces are.
(Angel hums pensively. “I’m curious. What would be your ideal way to die?”
“What?”
“You heard me. The best way to die.”
“...Killed by your power, probably.” He answers. Angel makes a face at him. “Don’t joke about that.”
Aki hadn’t been joking. He hadn’t bothered to correct him, though.)
He sighs to himself. Angel is still asleep.
Aki stares at him for a moment. His lips are slightly parted. His breathing is steady. Aki can make out the slightest shade of pink on the tips of his ears.
He knows he’s dying. He’s constantly reminded of it. He might as well live his life to the fullest, or die trying.
There are only two things he has yet to do.
Kiss someone he loves, and defeat the gun devil.
He hesitates.
He’s hugged Angel. Their chests touched and the barrier separating their two beating hearts almost seemed nonexistent (he swore he could feel Angel’s heartbeat. Did it beat for him? He could never tell.), but he has yet to kiss him. And he never imagined that he would. And he really, really wants to.
Eventually, he leans in. He slowly presses his lips to Angels, afraid to wake him. The kiss lasts a few seconds, and Angel sighs when they part.
It felt similar to when they held hands. He felt a sudden wave of exhaustion, then the air was briefly sucked out of his lungs, his mouth became tainted with the taste of iron, of blood, then, he returned to normal.
Except this time, he was expecting it. This time, it was of his own will, and not out of obligation.
It left him aching for more. He felt something crawling beneath his skin, eating him alive, gnawing and tugging at his heart. He felt his fingers twitch, similar to when he would forget a pack of cigarettes on a particularly stressful mission. He licked his lips, suddenly feeling hungry, feeling alive for the first time since the countdown to his death started.
Mind blank, he leans in again.
Pulling away, he feels numb. He can feel his days slipping by. He can hear the future devil snickering in the back of his mind.
Angel would hate him for this.
But he will let himself be selfish in his last moments.
He leans in.
Angel jolts awake.
“Why are you so close? Do you have a death wish?” He scolds, before seemingly realizing something. He frowns. His eyes widen. He turns towards Aki, his face suddenly pale.
“What did you do?”
He had awoken with a familiar feeling. He had assumed it was the leftover of a dream, haunting him like his dreams so often do.
The feeling lingered longer than usual.
The feeling of life. Not his. He knows how Aki’s life force feels. It feels different from the others because it hurts to take it. He feels an ache in his chest. His heart is heavy.
His face contorts. If Aki didn’t know any better, he’d say Angel was about to cry.
“What did you do?” He repeats. Aki doesn’t know what to say. He shrugs. Angel sharply turns his entire body towards him. He’s frowning, sweating, he looks like he did when he was having his nightmare.
He tries a different approach. “Why did you do that?”
Aki shrugs again, but this time he has an answer. “I guess I love you.”
Angel almost spits at him. He scoffs. Aki notices his wings trembling.
“We don’t have the luxury of being able to love each other.”
“I know.”
“We can’t even try.”
“I know.”
“So why tell me?”
“You should know.” He pulls a cigarette out of his pocket. Struggles to light it.
Angel goes silent. He stares at the ground. He loves him, he really does. But he knows better than to think that telling him would suddenly make their world all sunshine and rainbows. It would only make things worse.
To be in love with a dead man walking is almost like not loving anyone at all.
Aki doesn’t exist. He’s dying, and any emotion felt towards him is felt in vain. You can tell him anything, and he’ll quite literally take it to the grave. He might as well be in love with a rock.
But he can’t help it. This might be the first time he hasn’t felt completely indifferent towards a human. And he can’t help falling in love.
Angel Devil begins to feel sick. He hates this disgustingly familiar feeling he calls love.
Smoke begins to fill the room, smoothly swirling around the newly lit cigarette. “How much did I lose?” Aki asks. Angel grimaces, begins focusing on the feeling of new life flowing within him, giving him energy. Just how much energy is hard to make out.
“6 months.” He admits.
It’s an estimation. They don’t know exactly how much life Aki had prior to the kisses, but they both know it wasn’t much. He could be dying tomorrow for all they know.
Aki leans back into his chair. “I’ve got something to tell you. My time is near.”