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It had been a rough day and he needed something else to focus on. That’s what he told himself anyway. After everything that had gone down Tim felt like he was drowning. He got moved back to patrol, had ended things with arguably the love of his life and was alone again. It didn’t help that Grey had stuck him in his shop with the precinct shrink for the day. Sure he had his problems, and yes Lucy kept telling him all about the healing ways of therapy, but Dr. London couldn’t have been more than twenty-four. Fresh out of college, not nearly experienced enough to deal with the mountain of trauma that was his backstory.
He was determined to stay silent for the day. Not to give her anything. Much the way things had started with Lucy when she was his boot. He should have known it would work as well now as it had then. Blair was incredibly intuitive. He thought he had given her nothing, and yet she still seemed to read him like a book. It was annoying. It reminded him too much of Lucy.
Then the call came in for the two missing teenagers and the hunt was on for them and solving the mystery of their disappearance. It was just like old times for a minute. Tim had forgotten about his current dilemma long enough to find Blair at least a little helpful with her psychological insights. It reminded him even more of Lucy, bringing back memories of when they had worked together.
Maybe that was why he did it.
It certainly wasn’t just because he was on a downward spiral of self destruction. It wasn’t just another thing to point to that showed he was right to break it off with Lucy, that he wasn’t good enough for her.
After the shift had ended and Dr. London had given her report to Grey, Tim was in the clear. So he invited her out for a drink, kind of a celebration, kind of a thank you. He hadn’t planned on getting a little too tipsy and inviting her back to his place. He certainly hadn’t expected her to say yes.
He knew it was wrong. It was not like him to do this kind of reckless behavior. Even as he pushed into her, pressing her into the mattress with the force of his thrusts, he couldn’t look at her. He kept his eyes shut so he couldn’t see what or who he was doing. It was a double edged sword though. Keeping his eyes closed he instantly filled his mind with memories of Lucy. Lucy’s moans, Lucy’s thighs wrapped around his waist. Lucy’s hands gripping his forearms as she arched into him. Lucy’s tear filled eyes as he turned away from her.
He came despite himself, a purely physical reaction, and quickly rolled over and away from her. He wasn’t sure he could hate himself anymore than he did at that moment, but he found out he could the next morning.
The two of them had fallen asleep and woken late into the morning, which was alright since Tim had the day off. Blair called an uber for herself, since her car was still at the bar and was heading out the door to meet it when Kojo suddenly took off after her. Except Blair hadn’t been the one the dog was running to. Tim caught up with Kojo at the edge of his porch, grabbing his collar to keep him from taking off further, only to look up and see Blair had stopped at the bottom step. He thought maybe she had heard them coming, but she wasn’t looking at them. She was looking at the woman standing in the driveway beside a familiar car.
Once the shock had worn off Blair quickly headed down the drive to the street where her Uber was waiting for her and Tim was left to stare at Lucy. She was holding a small box in her hands, most likely things of his he had left at her place, shock and heartbreak written across her features.
Tim wanted to go to her, to tell her, he didn’t know what he would tell her. Kojo yanked against his hold, trying to get to Lucy, tail wagging, but Lucy just let out a sob and dropped the box in the driveway. She quickly got back in her car and drove off, leaving Tim to realise just how badly he fucked up.