Chapter Text
Nine of Swords
Upright, this Minor Arcana card represents fear, anxiety, negativity, breaking point, despair, nightmares, and isolation. This card can also be associated with trauma - one which may be shameful for you to confide with others about, and all the psychological responses that come from experiencing that trauma.
Well, looked like he managed to fuck things up. Again. Fan-fucking-tastic.
‘Wow, what a surprise,’ said the sarcastic voice in Blitz’s head that sounded a lot like Fizzarolli as he stumbled into his apartment after dealing with the lock that always seemed stuck at the worst moments. Stupid, crappy apartment.
'If only you were better at the one thing you are good at, the thing you built your stupid company on, maybe you could get a better place for your kid.'
“Shut up,” Blitz mumbled as he slammed the door shut, then winced at the loud noise – Loona probably heard that. Sighing, he went to knock on her door and let her officially know he was home, but a note taped up among the decorations caught his eye before he could do more than raise a hand. He tore it off so he could read it – Loona was at a party with that Tex guy, the one that worked for Verosika. Not to wait up.
On the one hand, Blitz was happy that Loona was out making friends - she deserved a friend or two, someone to talk to besides her adopted dad.
On the other hand... He felt his shoulders slump, weighted down by all the heavy emotions he was feeling right now.
Cool. He was alone. Again.
‘Does anybody love y-y-you, Blitz-OH?’ The memory of that stupid Fizzy robot from Loo-Loo Land hit a little harder than normal right now.
Groaning and tossing the note aside – he’d take care of it later, Blitz went to the couch, his bed, whatever, and flopped onto it. He’d really like to stop thinking about everything that went down right now. How Fizz (it was the first time he'd seen his former best friend in fifteen years and fuck that hurt) and Verosika mocked him in front of everyone at Ozzie’s. In front of Moxxie and Millie, who probably didn’t even notice with how in blindly in love they were.
In front of Stolas.
Stolas, who hid behind a menu like he was embarrassed of him.
Sighing, Blitz curled up on the cushions that made his bed and pulled out his phone. Almost without thinking about it, he went to his photos. The photos that surrounded him in his apartment, he'd long crossed his face out in all of them. Like he could pretend they were happy, good memories as long as he wasn’t a part of them, because he ruined everything he touched.
It only proved his point as he scrolled through his phone’s photo album, staring at the unedited photos of him and Stolas in bed, the prince sleeping peacefully and unaware –
who was ashamed of him, and why shouldn't he being ashamed of Blitz, he was a Goetia prince that just wanted a fun time –
Moxxie and Millie, interrupting yet another one of their dates -
who only tolerated him because he paid them, because they hadn't found something better yet –
Loona on her adoption day -
who didn’t need a dad, not really, she could take care of herself –
Verosika when they first met –
who hated him because he couldn’t deal with the looming rejection, because he broke what they before she could as if it would hurt less –
Fizzarolli and him when they were younger and the best of friends –
who also hated him and who could blame him, he ruined his fucking life that day –
And tears filled Blitz’s eyes when he came across the one photo he loved and hated the most. Of him, Barbie, and their mom. His favorite person in the whole world when he was growing up. Who he killed, even if was by accident, and whose death started everything. Barbie leaving him behind, Fizz not wanting to see him – and just a whole mess of shit from there. It felt like he hadn’t done anything good in his life, and these photos just proved it.
'You fucked it up - you always fuck it up - again and again and again,' crooned the voice in his head. 'You can't even help it. You take and you break and leave the people you love worse off than before.'
"Shut up," whispered Blitz to the empty room, his grip on his phone tight. "Shut the fuck up please-"
'You can’t do anything right you, you waste of fucking space. You deserve to be alone WHEN ALL YOU DO IS DESTROY EVERYONE YOU TOUCH. YOU MAKE EVERYONE'S LIVES WORSE JUST BY EXSISTING.'
Throwing aside the phone and hearing it bounce on the rug in front of the couch, Blitz stumbled to his feet and into the kitchen, vision blurry with tears. He needed a drink. He needed his pills. He wanted to silence the voices in his head, even if just for a little while. Sleep was one of the few ways he could do that, even if getting to sleep nowadays was harder than normal.
Grabbing a bottle of Beezlejuice from the kitchen countertop and swiping his bottle of Sloth Approved Sleeping Pills!, Blitz moved on autopilot, opening the bottle before he even sat on the couch and dry swallowing several pills. Distantly, he thought about changing out of his clothes, but really, did it matter? He tossed the pill bottle onto the couch next to him and snatched up the remote, setting the TV to some channel that was playing repeats of a drama show. He didn’t really care about the show, he just wanted some noise to play while he tried to fall asleep. The apartment felt too quiet otherwise, especially with Loonie out, and if was too quiet, the thoughts got too loud.
Time passed, Blitz staring blankly at the TV as he sipped at the bottle. He wasn’t sure how long it’d been, but Blitz eventually noticed he’d drunk half the bottle, his head pleasantly fuzzy – but he still wasn’t tired. He blinked slowly, eyes dropping to the bottle that was laying on the couch next to him. Maybe he didn’t take the pills, like he thought he did? He couldn’t fully remember the action – he’d done it so many times before that the memory of doing it felt old and distant.
Shrugging, Blitz reached down and grabbed the bottle, taking a few more pills followed by another slug of his drink, letting it burn his throat as it forced the pills down. He just wanted sleep so badly…
Maybe it'd be better if he never woke up. Maybe that would fix everything - make the people he cared about happy again. He just wanted them to be happy.
-
Loona knew something was wrong when Blitz didn’t answer the phone.
The party wasn’t what she expected, she’d embarrassed herself in front of a fucking Sin, and now Loona wanted to leave. Standing outside the house, she thought about calling another cab, but with a glance at her account, Loona knew she didn’t have enough to get all the way home. She groaned as she stared at her phone, finger hovering over the call button. She’d already told him not to wait up, and she knew from the voicemail he’d left her that he might still be out stalking Millie and Moxxie – he hadn’t said what’s what he was doing but she knew after the scene in the office - but it wasn’t that late, and she knew he would gladly pick her up, especially when she actually asked for help for once.
Still, Loona would feel a little bad if she woke him up, he’d been sleeping like shit lately.
Pressing down, Loona brought the phone to twitching ear, letting it start to ring as she waited for Blitz to answer. It rang… rang… rang…
“Hi there, you’ve reached Blitz, the ‘o’ is silent, owner and leader of I.M.P-”
Hanging up, Loona stared at her phone, frowning. It wasn’t like Blitz not to answer the phone, even if he was asleep, because she knew from experience he usually had the volume at max volume. And especially when it was from her. He was usually biting at the bit for her to call and talk. So, she tried again.
The ringing with on for far too long before it went to voicemail once more. “Hi there, you’ve reached Bli-”
“What the fuck?” mumbled Loona, ending the call. Something heavy settled in her stomach along with her few sips of Beezlejuice, making it churn as she tried one more time –
“Hi there-”
This time when she ended the call, Loona stared at her phone nervously, her tail swishing behind her anxiously. Something was wrong with Blitz – she didn’t know why she thought that, but she just knew. It was like an itch in her brain that she couldn’t scratch, a thought she couldn't easily banish. So instead of trying to call again, Loona went her contacts, as few as there were, and hit the first name below Blitz’s.
The call rang a few times before Millie picked up. “Hey there, sweetheart.” She sounded hesitant, probably unsure as to why Loona was calling her. She never did, not even for work stuff. “Um, what’s up?”
In the background, Loona could faintly make out the sounds of a busy restaurant before she heard Moxxie sigh and say with annoyance, “Is everyone going to interrupt our anniversary date?”
Instead of going with her first instinct of telling Moxxie to shut his fat mouth, Loona asked, “Hey, look, I’m sorry to bother you, but… is Blitz with you?” She hoped the answer was yes - that maybe his phone was just on silent as he stalked the couple. “Or, err, near you?”
“No?” replied Millie hesitantly, and Loona felt her tail stiffen. “He was – well, kinda. He and Prince Stolas followed us into Ozzie’s in the Lust Ring, but they left before we got, err, kicked out. We’re at another restaurant waiting on dinner. Why?” she asked when Loona stayed silent. “Somethin’ wrong?”
“I-I don’t know,” answered Loona honestly. “I’ve been calling him, but he’s not answering, it keeps going to voicemail. And that’s not like him. Like, at all.”
“Maybe he’s with the Prince?” suggested Millie gently. “You know, with their whole “we’re totally not dating just fucking” thing?”
“Millie, he always answers my calls,” Loona insisted, ears pinning back in worry. “I think something’s wrong, and I can’t get to him – I’m stuck in Gluttony until I can get a ride.”
“Well, maybe you can call the Prince!” suggested Millie. “See if they’re still together or not.”
Loona shook her head before remembering Millie couldn’t see her. “I don’t have his number.”
“I do!”
“Wait, how do you – why do you have Prince Stolas’ number?” she heard Moxxie asked, which was the same question Loona was about to ask.
“Well remember when you two lovable dumb asses got kidnapped in the human world, me and Loona went after you, and Stolas had to come save us all?” Millie reminded her husband cheerfully. “I figured if something like that happened again, because it probably will, we might want to have a way to actually reach him next time! So I stole his private cell number from Blitz’s phone and sent him a text asking if it was okay!” She giggled at what Loona assumed was Moxxie’s dumbfounded face. “He said it was all good if sent him funny pictures of Blitz in the office once in a while. I’ll send it to you so you can try him.”
“Thanks, Millie.”
“Hey, Loona? Let us know what Stolas says?” The imp’s voice was now full of concern. “If need be, we’ll wrap up here and head straight back to Pride – babe, we can have a makeup date,” Millie promised Moxxie when he groaned, followed by a loud thud. “Don’t be dramatic. Anyway, we can go straight to Pride and check on Blitz if need be.”
“I will,” promised Loona before she hung up. A moment later, she got a text from Millie with the number. Despite how much she wanted to call that very second, Loona hesitated, worried that all she was doing was getting upset for nothing and about interrupting her sorta-dad with his lover.
“Hey, you okay?”
Loona glanced up. Tex was standing behind her, the large dark gray wolf’s ears flickering as he looked down at her nervously with his one red eye. “You bounced awful fast, and Bee and I saw you out here talking on the phone and you looked… upset?” he questioned with a tilt of his head.
“Um, yeah. I can’t get a hold of my dad,” Loona admitted, ears flattening against her skull. She didn’t mean to draw the Tex's attention, or the Sin's. “I’m just worried, he’s usually not like this. I was gonna call his boyfriend,” could she call him that? “and see if he was with him.”
“Want me to wait with you?” asked Tex gently. He was so nice – no wonder Beelzebub liked him, even though he was a hellhound, the bottom of Hell’s society just like her. “Least til you get a hold of your dad?”
Loona nodded, unsure what to even say in response to that, before she tapped on the number Millie sent her.
-
Sighing, Stolas stared at the green bottle on the dining room table, resting his head on his crossed arms. It’d been almost two hours since Blitz dropped him off at home, and for a while, he just sat on the stairs of his home and wondered what he did wrong; the problem was he could think of several different scenarios. So he came inside, grabbed a bottle of absinthe, and was in the middle of contemplating if it was a good idea to drink the whole thing. It wasn’t quite a drink to forget kind of night, but he wouldn’t mind feeling… less.
Was he seeing things, or did Blitz seem close to tears before he left?
Stolas had been thinking about their relationship, or whatever they wanted to call it, for a long time - even before this night. He thought too much, as Stella reminded him. He also didn't do things right, or understand emotions well, as she also reminded him. Still, he tried. He tried to show Blitz affection whenever he could, whether it be on his Sinstagram posts, when he texted him silly little things at random (random, yes, but texts that he spent a great deal of time on before hitting send), or when they were together on the nights of the full moon for their current arrangement. Dare he even mention coming to rescue him from the human world? Yes, he still had to chastise him about being seen, because if it was discovered what happened, Blitz would be in far worse trouble than Stolas would, and he relied on going to the human world for his business. A lot was at risk! But he’d also been very worried!
He’d even asked Blitz to drive home tonight instead of taking another portal home because he wanted to spend a little more time with him. He spent the entire drive back trying to figure out how to best ask if Blitz would like to stay, even if they didn't talk.
But there always seemed to be such high walls set up around Blitz that prevented Stolas from fully getting near him.
Stolas reached for the bottle, then hesitated. Did Blitz… Did Blitz really just think that Stolas only wanted him for his body? Because that was certainly not true, even if it was a very sexy body. He cared deeply for Blitz since they were children, even despite the twenty-five years that he never saw him... Or the disinterest that Blitz seemed to show sometimes.. Because Blitz knew he cared about him, right?
And yes, the transition to being intimate was certainly… sudden. But it'd been Blitz’s decision... Hadn’t it?
Or was he wrong about that too?
Sighing again, Stolas was reaching out for the green bottle, deciding that he didn’t want to think about it anymore, when his cellphone rang.
Blinking in surprise, Stolas glanced around for it before realizing it was in his cloak pocket. Fumbling for it and almost dropping it on the floor, he looked at the screen with confusion. It was an unknown number – but very few people even had his personal number, so it had to be someone he knew, right? He hesitated another moment longer before pressing the accept button and holding it up to his head. “Hello?”
“Um, hi?” The young lady’s voice was familiar, but hesitant. “Prince Stolas?”
“Wait, his boyfriend is Prince Stolas? Of the Goeita family?” said a deeper, gruffer voice faintly in the background. “Shit. Impressive. Mad respect.”
Stolas blinked. “Who is this?” he asked, his tone stiff now. “How did you get this number?”
The first voice cleared her voice. “Sorry, um, this is Loona – I don’t know if you remember me-”
“Oh, yes, Loona!” Stolas said with a completely different tone, now forcing some cheerfulness. He remembered the young hellhound, she’d been come with them to the Harvest Moon Festival, though she’d kept to herself most of the trip, and was there when Stolas rescued the company from Earth. “Yes, your father talks about you all the time. What can I do for you, dear?”
“Sorry to bother you, err - sir, Millie gave me your number, said that you and Blitz were out together earlier. Is... Is Blitz still with you?”
“What?” That’s not what Stolas had been expecting to be asked. “No I'm sorry, my dear. He dropped me off at my home several hours ago. Why?”
“Fuck,” groaned Loona. “Shit, shit, shit.” There was silence for a few moments before Loona started rambling, and from the crunch of gravel Stolas could hear, he thought she might be pacing. “I’ve been calling him, and he’s not picking up, and I know you’re probably gonna say that I shouldn’t be worried, but I am, and I don’t know what to do-”
“Oh, dear.” Even without Loona’s obvious worry, he knew how much Blitz loved his adopted daughter – he wouldn’t miss a phone call from her. He barely missed a text from her, even when they were spending the night together. “Where are you now, dear?”
“In Gluttony.” Loona whined, a high pitched noise. “And Millie and Moxxie are in still in the Lust Ring.”
Neither of those were exactly a short distance to Pride. He was gonna regret suggesting this, knowing that Blitz didn’t exactly want to talk to him right now, but… but he couldn’t stand hearing Loona worried. From what he’d seen of her and from what Blitz told him, she reminded him a lot of Octavia. “Why don’t I pop down to your place and check on your father? I’m sure it’s nothing, but if it’ll ease your mind, I’ll go.”
“Really?” Loona already sounded a little less worried. “Are you sure?”
“As long as you tell me where to go, it’ll be just a portal away,” reassured Stolas. “Barely any time at all!”
“Thanks,” mumbled Loona before telling him where to go – an apartment complex in Imp City, and with a promise to make Blitz call her as soon as possible to confirm that he was okay, Stolas hung up and sighed once more.
“Oh dear.”
One portal later, Stolas stepped into the hallway of the apartment building Loona had directed him to. Even from just the hallway, Stolas was under the impression that this wasn’t a very… well taken care of place. He shuddered when he saw a roach, or what he hoped was a roach, zip through the small space, and focused instead on knocking on the door of apartment number 69. How appropriate. “Blitzy?” he called out. “Blitzy, are you there?”
There was silence, so Stolas tried knocking again, this time a little firmer. “Blitz, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see, but your daughter is worried about you,” he informed him. “She said you haven’t been answering your phone?”
No answer.
Stolas sighed. Maybe he wasn’t here. He was about to turn and create another portal so he could leave when a noise from inside the room caught his attention. Curious, he pressed the side of his head to the door – there was the sound of voices he almost instantly recognized from the Hell-a-Novela he’d been in watching earlier that night before Blitz had called him to take him out for their... well he wasn't even sure it was a date now. Gabriella. And louder than that, the sound of a phone ringing, the ringtone at such a loud volume that he swore he heard what must have been the downstairs neighbor pounding on their own ceiling, screaming “shut it up!”
“Blitz?” When there was no response even as the phone kept ringing, Stolas pulled away from the door, recalling a minor spell that undid basic locks and waving a hand at the doorknob. It unlocked with a 'click', and Stolas hesitated for only another moment before reaching for it.
Stepping inside the apartment, which was small enough that he thought the whole thing might fit in his whole far-too-large bedroom, Stolas called out, “Blitz?” as he glanced around. “I’m sorry to come in like this…” His voice faded off as he took everything in. He wanted to be delighted that he was entering his Blitz’s home, where he’d never been invited to, but perhaps he could see why that was. The wallpaper was stain and peeling. Empty bottles were scattering around the kitchen, and there was trash that needed to be gathered and taken out. And the only furniture he could see was a set of mismatched tables and a poor looking couch that was set across from the TV that was bright in the darkness, its volume low.
There was some attempt at decorating the space to feel more like a home, with horse themed items, pictures and drawings covering almost one whole wall, and when he stepped close to examine it, saw it included Loona’s adoption papers, proudly on display. But all the pictures that including Blitz and his daughter or his coworkers… Stolas felt something squeeze his heart when he saw Blitz was crossed out of all of them with a thick, black marker. Did he do that himself?
The only other visible door to the place seemed to led to a bedroom, and it was covered in signage that made it clear the hellhound lived in there. Where did Blitz sleep?
The phone rang again, followed by more shouting from down below, and Stolas followed the noise to the couch, which was covered in, not surprisingly, a horse blanket. Cautiously, not wanting to alarm Blitz, Stolas stepped up to the couch, peering over the back.
Blitz was laying on the couch, still dressed in the outfit from earlier that night, like Stolas still was, facing the TV. He seemed to be sleeping, but Stolas picked up almost instantly a near empty bottle of some kind of alcohol that had been dropped to the floor and rolled closer to the TV.
“Blitzy?” Stolas reached down, hesitated, and eventually placed it atop the imp’s shoulder, giving it a shake. “Blitzy, dear, I’m terribly sorry, but you need to wake up.”
The body he shook was limp, and he received no response, not even a groan or grumble. He didn’t know if Blitz was a light or heavy sleeper; he’d rarely spent the whole night at Stolas’ during their get-togethers, or if he did he was usually awake before Stolas went to sleep and awake when Stolas woke up.
Stepping around the couch, Stolas reached out to shake Blitz again, but something on the floor caught his eye, like it was tossed there carelessly. Reaching down to pick up a familiar looking bottle, having a similar looking one at home, he read ‘Sloth-Approved Sleeping Pills!’, and noticed it felt rather empty in his palm. He told himself it could have just been an old bottle, but then he glanced to Blitz again, looked back at the large empty Beezlejuice bottle near the television, and his stomach twisted in panic.
“Blitz?” Kneeling at the side of the couch that must have served as Blitz’s bed too, Stolas reached out with both hands and shook him again, this time harder. “Blitz!”
The imp’s head lolled, as if not even attached to a spine, and Stolas’ eyes went wide, darts of white appearing in the center of the glowing red. “Blitzy!” he shouted, shaking him once more, ignoring the downstairs neighbor shouting at him to shut up. “No, no, no-” He pressed two fingers to Blitz's throat, trying to feel for a heartbeat, because maybe he was wrong -
Weak, thready, barely there.
"Oh Blitzy," Stolas whispered in horror as his feather's puffed up in alarm, withdrawing his hand and staring down at the unconscious imp.
Blitz, what have you done?