Chapter Text
Love.
The strangest concept, to Ivan at least. Something that he never understood.
“You’ll understand one day,” Sua would say, gazing upon her god, the pink-haired beauty. Ivan would just nod, turning away.
In some ways, he was jealous. What did it feel like to be so wholly devoted to someone? To be their believer, them your god?
Soon, he came to understand.
Love, to him, came in the form of a rebellious grey-haired boy with the deepest teal eyes.
Except—why did his love not look at him like Mizi did to Sua? Why was his gaze always fixed upon her? Why not him?
Ivan soon came to learn another thing: Love was pain.
“...” No sound came from Till’s mouth as he stopped singing.
Turning to face him, Ivan looked at his god, who was only staring solemnly at the ground. None of the rebellious will that previously shone through adorned his teal eyes.
Pushing his microphone away, Ivan walked resolutely to him. He knew what he had to do—he’d planned for this.
Just as he stepped close enough, Till turned to look at him, eyes widening in surprise as Ivan caressed his cheek, moving it up to his hair and then suddenly bringing the grey-haired boy in for a searing kiss—if the mess of lips could even be called that.
At first, shocked, Till didn’t respond but then came to his senses and tried to push away—to no avail as Ivan brought him back in. There was no emotion in the tangle of lips as Till closed his eyes in defeat.
At the last moment, both performers opened their eyes, making eye contact right before Ivan wrapped his hands around Till’s neck.
Ivan brought Till closer one last time, eyes glancing up to the scoreboard. 89:70. Yes, that should be enough. Satisfied, he gave Till one last peck on the lips, one full of emotion—the one true kiss in contrast to the tangle of lips.
Pulling away, Ivan held Till at arm’s length, the latter’s eyes closing in defeat, not noticing that there was no pressure put into the choke-hold.
Ivan thought back to his days at the Anakt Garden—looking over Till’s shoulder as he once again drew Mizi, never once facing the raven-haired boy.
Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
Ivan held back a groan as the first bullet shot through his side, the next through his shoulder. His eyes finally lit up as the last shot went through.
Coughing up blood, Ivan finally let go, a smile finally decorating his face. Thank you… for being the victim of my shallow emotions.
Till opened his eyes as he no longer felt hands on his neck, bringing his hand up to feel it. His eyes widened once again, this time in partial horror as he looked forward. Ivan, with blood staining his white robes, fell—smiling, nonetheless, with his arm reached out towards Till.
Ah, you finally looked at me.
Rain poured down, further spreading the blood on the floor.
‘TILL WIN’ was projected onto the red ground.
The winner of the round looked down, frozen in place even as the lights went off.
“Till—” Ivan whined once again as his friend still refused to look at him. “Look at me!” he pleaded, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy in a partial embrace.
Annoyed, Till pushed the boy off, finally turning towards him. “What do you want now?” He finally relented.
“Nothing, I just wanted you to look at me.” The snaggle-toothed bastard smiled.
Till shot him a glare, flicking the boy’s forehead as he went back to tuning his guitar, ignoring the half-hearted whine that followed.
The bell suddenly rang as Ivan prepared to complain once again.
Oh well, he’d just annoy him in class!
“Quit looking at him like a lost puppy, just ask him out,” Sua said, hand intertwined with her girlfriend’s.
“You wouldn’t understand! He won’t even look at me unless I poke his cheek or annoy him in some way! You didn’t even make the first move! Plus—he never even gets my very obvious flirting!”
Mizi turned to look at Ivan with pity, patting his head as she added reassuringly, “Just woo him—make some grand gesture and he’ll surely fall head over heels!”
Ivan nodded, tuning out her words as Till stepped out of the school.
“Okay, okay, gotta go now!” He stepped up, hurting over to Till, invisible tail wagging.
Sua sighed, “He’s a lost cause.”
Ah, you finally looked at me.
Ivan woke up with a jolt, back coated in sweat.
What was that dream…
He looked up, face morphing into a solemn smile.
Even in my dream, he won’t look at me.
Ivan was a good child. Someone who always followed the rules never got on the teacher’s nerves, and achieved straight A’s. Despite this all, he wasn’t happy. Sure, he wasn’t sad either, just… blank. He felt as if he was missing something—someone.
That was until he saw him . Standing up to the big fifth-grade bullies, even as a puny second grader he never stood down.
Love at first sight.
From then on, Ivan stuck to him like a leach, always following him everywhere, even going as far as to wait outside the bathroom (in secret, of course) for his beloved Till.
Sua often made fun of him for it, but it’s not like she could judge. The girl practically worshipped Mizi.
From second to twelfth, Ivan and Till had been conjoined at the hips (more like Ivan to Till), best friends—except it stayed at just that.
Somehow, Till never noticed the longing in Ivan’s gaze, or the whispered confessions. It was partly Ivan’s fault too, all they did as kids was tussle and fight.
From middle school, though, that changed to acting like a clingy boyfriend. Even going as far as to kiss Till on the cheek (to which the aforementioned boy turned red and pushed him away). The clear flirting all went unnoticed by the boy. Everyone who knew the two was aware of the crush, all but Till.
It grew tiring for Ivan, who was losing hope after all the years of pining. But Ivan was nothing if not patient. He’d wait for Till, no matter how long it took.
Fortunately, their friends weren’t. It was almost painful, seeing Ivan’s years-long pining. Therefore, operation: IvanTill was formed. (“That’s such a stupid name,” Sua would complain. “Deal with it,” Hyuna would reply.)
The plan was this:
- Get Till to like Ivan.
(“Is that it? That’s not a plan?” “You come up with the plan then, Sua!” “Hmphf.”)
There was a problem with the plan, though.
Ivan had started avoiding Till. Not even subtly, straight-up running away if he even saw a path of grey hair.
More so, he’d started avoiding everyone. Even his sister, who lived in the same house as him!