Chapter Text
Ivan couldn’t help but tune out everything as he listened to Till’s voice. It was… mesmerising, to say the least. Watching Till, glistening with sweat, giving his all on a performance… Ivan was reminded once again why he fell in love with the boy.
Eventually, as the performance ended, Ivan, too, found that he was red and flushed. He looked down, cursing. Glancing up, Ivan sighed. Five minutes until he had to go. He rushed to the bathroom.
Ivan looked at the crowd, eyes wandering until they made eye contact with a certain grey-haired individual. He smiled genuinely at him, watching Till awkwardly look down before re-instigating eye contact and smiling back at him.
He’d sell his soul just to see Till’s smile for the rest of eternity.
“Next up, Ivan! Today he’ll be singing his own written song: Black Sorrow !” Snapped out of his reverie, flashing an artificial smile at the crowd.
Gripping his microphone, Ivan took a deep breath. He had to stay calm, or else he’d make an utter fool of himself in front of Till of all people. “ The soggy darkness crouched down, ” Ivan sang, voice hushing the chattering audience. “ Even if we shake our heads, it's always the same place. ” Sudden memories flashed through his head—looking up at the night sky with all the stars, an ugly alien face staring down at a child version of him being dangled on a rooftop. He had to refrain from chasing after the strange visions, focusing back on singing.
“ I can’t reach you, so I imagine alone, ” Ivan looked at Till as he sang the next words, “you who shine, I stand next to you. ” Ivan raised his voice, grip tightening on his microphone, “ So black, black as it can be, The Dark Sea gets closer as you approach. ” His eyes searched for Till’s once again—but they weren’t looking at him. As always. With a renewed vigour, Ivan continued, voice silently searching for even a fraction of Till’s attention, “ Like a black, black sorrow, a story of such woe. At the end of this story, there is only a cold spot stained with blood and empty air. ”
Ivan sang, pouring his heart out into the song as memories from a distant life flashed through his head. The Anakt Garden, his first meeting with Till, who, even in another world, shone brighter than any star. More memories, Till standing up against a creature at least four times his size. Ivan couldn’t help but smile. If you’re like this in every universe… then I’m bound to love you in every universe.
Scenes of them fighting as kids ran through his mind, familiar, but not the memories he held with Till from his childhood—these were different, in a different setting, from a different world. More came, passing through so quickly he could barely make out what he was seeing. Till, with a collar and being detained—then suddenly running through a field, hand in hand with Ivan as they smiled, sky red as balls of fire fell through it. But then he was turning back, and Ivan was smiling, going back too. This is so strange… but I would follow Till to the ends of the Earth, and more, if possible.
Without thinking, Ivan reached out his hand, pointing to Till as he sang the final words, “ To me you are black sorrow, ” emotion filled his voice, “ to me you are black sorrow. ”
The crowd was quiet for a moment before bursting into a myriad of cheers and applause as Ivan took a breath. He looked down and realised how sweaty his hands were from gripping the microphone so tight. He smiled at the crowd, drying his hands on his pants after placing the mic back on the stand.
“Wow, that was just, wow. Give it up for Ivan everybody!” The cheers grew impossibly louder, and from the corner of his eye, Ivan could see that Till, too, was cheering loudly, a beautiful smile (and… a slight flush? Ivan didn’t let himself hope) adorning his face. Just that was enough to make Ivan break out into a large smile himself.
“Thank you, everybody.” Ivan bowed, going backstage to escape the cacophony of applause. Only Till’s praise mattered to him, after all. Hmm… maybe I am a bit like a dog . Ivan chided himself for agreeing with his sister’s words. Only for Till though.
Escaping the congratulations from maintenance backstage, Ivan herded his way through the crowds to get to Till, who was at the very back with Mizi and Sua.
Seeing him, Till immediately rushed over, “Ivan, that was amazing! Why didn’t you tell me you had all this hidden talent?” He continued praising the performance, dusting the black-haired boy’s cheeks pink.
Smirking, Ivan leaned closer, “Oh, is Master pleased with the performance?”
Till nodded, eyes widening as he belatedly acknowledged his words. Immediately, the boy turned red, slapping Ivan’s hand away, which had come close to pinching his cheek. “I told you to stop using those nicknames!”
Ivan tilted his head, laughing as he pulled Till in for a side hug, his smile growing wider at Till’s flustered protests (none of them were serious, he could tell).
“God, can they be any more obvious…” Sua muttered under her breath, holding back a smile at the scene.
Mizi smiled, giggling as Ivan kissed Till’s cheek, only to be pushed away by the flustered shorter man. She bent down to kiss her girlfriend, “Yknow, you were beautiful in our performance…”
Sua flushed, “Nothing compares to you, of course.”
Suddenly, footsteps could be heard from behind as Luka’s signature bored tone made its way into the couple’s ears, “Ugh, stop it, the PDA is making me die inside.”
From behind him, another voice spoke up, “Usually, I’d never agree with you, but this time, I’m afraid you’re right. Get a room, both of you guys.”
Sua turned away from her perfect girlfriend, glowering as Hyuna and Luka made their way over to the group. Hyuna was a sweaty mess, though, somehow, Luka managed to look untouched even after his performance.
Mizi’s eyes widened, cheeks flushing a bit as she looked at Hyuna’s muscles. “Wow… I’ve never noticed this before, but your muscles, Hyuna…”
The girl perked up, smirking as she came closer to Mizi, “Hmm? You like ‘em?” She ignored the heavy weight of Sua’s glare.
Mizi blushed once again, “W-well, they’re very defined…”
Sua made a mental note to purchase weights later.
“Let go of me you asshole!” Till exclaimed, attempting to push away the taller man. His efforts proved no fruition, however, as the clingy puppy continued hugging him from the back, smile impossibly wide.
Luka rolled his eyes at the scene. “Ugh, I’m going to vomit from all this PDA.”
Mizi, trying to escape the admission that she would very much like to touch Hyuna’s muscles, spoke up, “It’s Till’s birthday, guys, shouldn’t we go back to celebrate?”
Ivan perked up, hesitantly letting go of Till as the new prospect was mentioned. He’d prepared months in advance for the perfect gift. Till looked down nervously, his friends always went over the top for his birthday (especially Ivan), even when he repeatedly told them not to. “Really, guys, it’s fine.”
“Nonsense!” Hyuna wrapped her arm around Till and Ivan’s shoulders, discreetly pushing them closer together, “You always do your best to make our birthdays amazing, in your own, tsundere way, it’s only fair we return the favour.”
“I’m not tsundere—!”
Hyuna covered his mouth with her hand, stopping him from speaking. “Hush, child, let your older sister guide you.”
“You’re only one year older than me—!”
“Respect your elders, child!”
Till stood in front of the guitar, eyes wide as Ivan anticipated his reaction.
“I-Ivan… this is… how expensive was this?” Till’s mouth was wide open (Ivan badly wanted to kiss him).
“Hmm, not too much. Don’t worry about it.” He’d spend any amount of money for Till. Just as Till was about to refute this, Ivan cut in before he could, “Seriously, it’s your birthday. And you’d only make me sad if you refused my gift.” Ivan pouted, looking at Till with puppy-dog eyes,
Till, despite trying to avoid the effect, couldn’t help but give in as he sighed. Stepping closer, he analysed the guitar. It was beautiful. This was maybe one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him. Overcome with emotion, Till lunged at Ivan, trapping the younger in a hug as he whispered sincerely into Ivan’s ear, “Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
Ivan, flushed at the sudden contact, hugged back, wanting the moment to last forever. Sadly, however, the rest of team ‘Operation IvanTill’ (they still wouldn’t tell him what that was, though he already had an idea) came into the room.
Hyuna, seeing the hug, smirked, raising her eyebrows at Ivan’s flushed expression, “Hmm, did we interrupt something?”
Till, hearing her voice, pulled away, flushed. Ivan tried not to look too disappointed, though his invisible drooping dog ears were painfully obvious. “No, of course not!” In an attempt to steer the conversation elsewhere, Till looked at the box Hyuna was holding, “Anyway, what’s that?” he gestured towards it.
Smiling, the girl replied, “Soju. Drink up! You’re of legal age now.”
“I’m eighteen though…”
Hyuna raised an eyebrow. “Since when have you followed the rules?”
Till smirked, “Fair enough.” He turned towards Ivan, “Only if you’re okay with it though.”
Ivan’s eyes widened. “Me?”
Rolling his eyes, the birthday boy answered, “Who else, you dumbass?”
Ivan thought he was going to go into cardiac arrest if his dear crush kept up this behaviour. “I’m fine. I myself might need a drink,” I’ll probably need one if I’m going to confess today, anyway.
Till smiled, “Okay, though, be sure to tell me if you feel uncomfortable in any way.”
“Of course, My King!”
Till flushed, “Stop calling me that!”
“As per your wishes, Master,” Ivan smiled at the blush that coated his crush’s cheeks. Till is so cute.
“Ugh. Flirt somewhere else, you’re gonna make me barf all over the cake that Hyuna forced me to pay for—which I’m definitely telling Hyun Woo about.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“Try me.”
Just then, Mizi, being the angel she is, walked in, carrying a cake with her. “Happy birthday, Till! Sorry, I couldn’t say it before.”
Till smiled, “Don’t worry.” He looked at the cake, “You didn’t have to do this, y’know? I’d be fine with just a small muffin or something—”
Sua, being the loyal follower of her dearest girlfriend, walked in right after, cutting Till off, “Oh shut it, just accept and say thank you. We know we didn’t have to do this, we wanted to because we’re your friends.”
Till smiled, “Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I’m thankful for that fact.”
“That’s way too sappy, and out of character for you, Till.” Luke chimed in, bored tone still not changing despite the lively atmosphere.
“Shut up Luka.” Everyone said at once.
“Always ganging up on me… even my own girlfriend…” Luka muttered though the words were lighthearted.
Hyuna kissed her boyfriend’s cheek, “You deserve it, honestly.”
They all nodded, making Luka frown even more. “Do know that I was the one who paid for the cake.”
Till laughed, feeling slightly sentimental at the image of all of his friends gathered in one place, celebrating his birthday, “And I thank you for that, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re an asshole.”
Luka grumbled, cursing Till, which contradicted the small smile on his face.
“It’s time for cake now, guys!” Mizi announced, having finished setting the cake on the table.
Everyone gathered around it, Till in the centre. Hyuna took her phone out, telling everyone to smile as she took a selfie. “To the birth of one of our dearest friends, Till! Happy birthday!” they all said in unison, flustering the birthday man who smiled despite himself.
Ivan thought that he might’ve drunk a bit too much soju. Oh well, it’s Hyuna’s fault for buying so much.
The boy stumbled through the house, making his way to Till, who was lying on the couch. He, too, was wasted, though not as much as Ivan. It was now or never, he’d even gotten heavily drunk just to do this. Ivan crashed onto the couch, lying right next to Till.
“...Sooo,” hiccup, “how you feelin’ ‘bout the birthday Till?” another hiccup, “it’s enjoyable?”
Till sighed, noticing how drunk his friend was. “Hah, maybe I shouldn’t have let you drink…”
Speech slurred, Ivan shook his head, pouting, He came closer to Till, laying his head on the former’s lap. By then, Till was just intoxicated enough not to get flustered. “That wouldn’t be fair though Till,” he whined. Ivan hugged his waist, turning his face to bury it in his friend’s chest.
Till pushed him away, “You’re way too drunk, should I call someone to pick you up—?”
“Awww but I wanna tell Till something,” Ivan pouted.
Said boy sighed. “Fine. Tell me now.”
“Private,” Ivan got up, stumbling as he held Till’s hand.
Grumbling, Till nodded, also slightly stumbling as he got up. Maybe he’d drank too much too.
They headed over to his bedroom, the room—which was once full of music and laughter—growing suspiciously quiet.
“We have to get going now, Till, happy birthday!” Sua called out, hauling her drunk girlfriend out of the house. She was soon followed by Luka, who was doing the same for a wasted Hyuna.
“Okay! Get back safe!” Till replied, feeling dizzy because of the alcohol coursing through his system.
Once they got to his room, Ivan took a seat, gesturing for Till to do the same.
It’s now or never.
“I’m in love with you.” There, he said it. Ivan felt as if a massive weight had been lifted off of his chest. Sure, Till might not reciprocate his feelings, but that was fine. At least he didn’t have to (fail) at hiding them from him.
“I—what?” Till could barely comprehend the words. “Ivan, you’re not yourself right now. No, you’re not.”
“But I am! I even got drunk just so I could tell you!”
At this, Till was left completely speechless. Ivan… liked him? Since when? How? But most importantly, “Why?”
“Why wouldn’t I, Till? You shine brighter than any star in the night sky, and you already know my infatuation with those. I couldn’t help but be naturally attracted to you.” Ivan looked into Till’s eyes earnestly, holding his hands, a rueful smile on his face, “I already know you don’t feel the same, but it’s fine. I just had to get this off my chest.”
“You’re not acting that drunk now…”
Ivan laughed, and god, was it beautiful. Ivan was beautiful. Everything he did. Till looked into his eyes, realising something as he stared into those red pupils. He’d never seen Ivan in such a light before… or had he? Till thought back to all the times Ivan had teased him, kissing his cheek or calling him ‘Master’ and such. He’d gotten flustered, but always a little sad, because all Ivan was doing was teasing him. But now what he thought of it… he didn’t even know why he was sad. He loved Ivan.
Suddenly feeling a burst of confidence, Till asked, “Can I kiss you?”
“I’m sorry if this makes you see me differently—what?” Ivan paused, eyes widening impossibly large as his mouth gaped open.
“I… since you’re drunk and probably not in the right state of mind, I don’t want to take advantage of you… But, I thought, since we’re both drunk… Sorry, I’m stupid—”
Ivan pulled Till in for a kiss.
Surprised, Till stood frozen for a moment before burying his hands in Ivan’s hair, pulling the boy in deeper. Ivan sucked at his lower lip, making Till gasp. Using the opportunity, Ivan forced his tongue into the other’s mouth, eliciting a moan from Till.
Ivan hungrily drank up any sound the shorter made, his erection growing harder. Eventually, Ivan’s kisses started to move down, kissing Till’s cheek, then jaw, and finally neck—where he sucked on for long enough for visible marks to be visible the next day. That girl won’t approach him again if she sees this, Ivan thought smugly, feeling a bit possessive.
Till moaned, making eye contact with Ivan as he made a silent plea, drunk on lust as tears escaped his eyes. Ivan licked them all up, Till looks so beautiful like this… “Please… Ivan…”
That was all it took to break the dam that had been holding back all of Ivan’s desires ever since puberty struck.
Till woke up to birds chirping, sunlight filtering in through the window. His head hurt like hell, and the memories from the night before were hard to recall. Well, most of them at least. Till flushed as he belatedly realised what position he was in.
Ivan was pressed against his back, spooning the smaller man. His lips were still on Till’s neck, breaths ticking the boy’s ears, which were red by now as he also realised that they were both naked. Memories from the night before came rushing in, almost incapacitating Till as he froze in place.
Had he really… begged for it like that? God, he’d never live that down.
Till buried his face in his hands. Looking at them, he realised that there were even marks on his arm! Heck, if he glanced lower, he swore that they were practically everywhere!
He’d make sure to beat the bastard when he woke up.
Till, did not, in fact, end up beating the bastard when he woke up. Instead, he’d been too flustered to face him head-on and had just snuggled into his chest, hiding his red face. Since when did Ivan have abs???
“Hmm, this is quite different from last night, Master. Oh, you really liked it when I called you that, didn’t you, Master ?” Ivan teased, hugging the older man.
“Shut up…”
Ivan laughed. “...I love you.”
Till stayed silent, though the heat coming from his face could practically be felt. After some time, he whispered, “...I love you too, you bastard…”
Ivan perked up, ears getting red as he smiled. Never in his life would he have imagined that he’d wake up next to his long-standing crush, after having sex, nonetheless. “What was that? I didn’t hear you?”
“You bastard!” Till finally spoke up, “You didn’t need to leave all those marks!”
“I wanted that girl—and everyone else—to know that you were taken.” Ivan offered innocently, lightly brushing his hand over one of the hickeys he’d left on the back of Till’s neck.
“Who said I was yours?” Till shot back.
Ivan froze. Had he miscalculated? Was it due to the hangover that Till said he loved him?
Seemingly noticing Ivan’s internal dilemma, Till sighed, “Stop overthinking… You need to ask first, idiot.”
At this, Ivan smiled, relief evident on his face. “Okay then, will you, Till, be my boyfriend?”
“No.”
Ivan frowned, had he miscalculated again? What if Till was just playing with him? What if—
“Not until you apologise for leaving hickeys fucking everywhere, you bastard! Even on my goddamn arm!”
“You should look at your thighs.”
“...What?!”
“I was drunk, excuse my behaviour, Master,” Ivan whined, kissing the top of Till’s head
Till sighed, knowing he could never stay mad at Ivan for long. “Fine.”
Ivan smiled, hugging Till tighter.
“You’re choking me, you bastard—!”
“My Till is so cute!”
My Till.
Ivan opened his eyes to white. No, off-white, with some stains, and a… rickety light in the middle? Wait, where was he?
He sighed, reminiscing over the dream, or vision, as some would put it. It felt scarily real. Almost like he was watching from an omniscient viewpoint—like he already knew what was going to happen, regardless whether he believed it or not.
“...Ivan?”
“...Till?” His voice cracked, sounding as if it hadn’t been used for a while.
The boy was slouched over his body, sitting in an old wooden chair, looking down at him. Till had a strange look on his face—if Ivan didn’t know better, he’d almost think it was relief.
Till opened his mouth, trying to say something but not finding the words to do so. Finally, he brought his hands to Ivan’s wrist, checking his pulse.
Both of them stayed quiet.
What was there to say? “Oh, yeah, I sacrificed myself for you since I’ve loved you ever since we were kids in Anakt Garden. I know you’ll never love me back because of Mizi—oh, and, sorry for forcefully kissing you to make you hate me before probably traumatising you. Though I’m not too sure that you even cared.”
Yeah… no.
After what seemed to be ages of just Till checking Ivan’s pulse while refusing to look at him, and Ivan’s heavy gaze on the former’s face, the door opened.
“Ivan!”
Ivan’s eyes flickered to the owner of the voice. Mizi.
“You finally woke up! It’s been, what? Three months? We weren’t sure you survived!” The pink-haired girl immediately ran over to Ivan’s left—the side Till wasn’t on—and hugged him. “Oh, I was so worried! We weren’t even sure you’d survive!”
Ivan felt wetness gathering near the side of his neck where Mizi lay her head. Holding back a groan—Mizi sure could hug tight—he patted her back.
Sneaking a glance at Till, Ivan was surprised to find that tears were gathering in his eyes too. Probably ‘cause Mizi’s hugging me…
Sensing where his focus was directed, Mizi looked at Till grasping Ivan’s wrist. “Ah…” She hastily got off of Ivan, wiping away her tears. “Anyway, I’m glad we were able to save you. Even if Sua is…” Mizi sniffled. It still hurt to think of her. “At least we were able to save you.” She smiled once more, turning to exit the room.
Silence once again.
Fainly, Ivan heard sniffles coming from his right. His eyebrows shot up. Till is… crying? Did Mizi hugging me really upset him that much?
Rushing to comfort his beloved, Ivan broke his hand free of Till’s grasp and used it to wipe the boy’s tears away. Shit. Till was looking at him now. Of course, he revelled in his gaze, but still, what the fuck wss he supposed to say?!“I’m sorry Mizi hugged me…?”
Till looked at him, baffled. “...What?”
Oh. Did that sound like I was insulting her?
Immediately backtracking, Ivan stammered, “I-I mean, it wasn’t Mizi’s fault and I-I’m extremely grateful to be blessed with a hug from her—”
Suddenly, a laugh belonging to an angel rang out in Ivan’s ears.
Till took a breath, trying to stop laughing. “Hah! You idiot. I’m not upset about that.” He looked Ivan straight in the eyes. “I…” Once again, he was at a loss for words.
“Then why were you about to cry?”
“…Do you think I’d really cry about something like that?”
“…”
“…You…”
“It was Mizi who was hugging me and crying on my shoulder.”
“…I wouldn’t cry about that, though? Even if it was like before.”
Not taking into account the last sentence, Ivan raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”
“…You’re still as annoying as ever.”
Ivan smiled. Yes. This was normal—Till being pissed off at something Ivan did wrong. The familiarity warmed Ivan’s chest. Maybe… things could go back to how they were.
Till, noticing the smile, flushed. “...Never do that again.”
“Do what?” Ivan already knew.
“ That. ”
He took in a breath. “I-I’m sorry for that… I know of your history with the segyeins, and I know me wanting you to hate me more than you already do isn’t an excuse—”
Ivan shut up as he felt wetness drip onto his cheek and a hand clamped over his mouth.
“Shut up. Y-you bastard. That’s not what I meant…” Till sniffled, wiping away one of the stray tears dripping down his cheek. “The other thing.”
“I—”
And suddenly lips were covering his and Till was kissing him.
I’ve gone to heaven. This is a dream.
“Next time, just ask.”
“What about Mizi?”
“Do you think I’m blind?” Till sighed. “I guess… I never really loved her as a romantic partner. More so… a goddess. Like she was my salvation—the only person to treat me nicely. But now… I saw that she, too, was human like the rest of us.”
“I love you as a god and a person, though.”
“That’s because you’re Ivan, so it’s just part of your Ivan-ness.”
The words sounded familiar.
“…Is my ‘Ivan-ness’ a good thing?”
“If it doesn’t count kissing your crush on stage in front of millions of aliens, fake-choking him, and then letting him watch you get shot sacrificing yourself for him.”
“…Are you still upset about that?”
“What do you think?!”
Ivan lay his head on Till’s shoulder, whining as his boyfriend wouldn’t pay attention to him, instead focusing on drawing a picture of the black-haired boy. “Is drawing-me really better than the real me?”
“Yes. He won’t almost fucking die in front of me.”
“…”
Till smiled to himself, going back to working on his drawing.
“…I said sorry—?” He shut up at the harsh glare coming from the shorter man. “Um… How did you guys save me anyway?”
Till sighed, finally focusing on Ivan rather than the drawing. “Long story. But basically, the aliens kept you locked up somewhere ‘cause you were valuable, or because they found you hot and wanted to do that .” Till shuddered. “We saw that occur with many other of the bodies we found. But, luckily, you were untouched, other than” he glared at Ivan once again, “being on the verge of death.”
“...You’re still not over that?”
“What do you think?!”
“...Um, what made you fall in love with me, then?” Ivan smirked, trying to change the subject. Really, was he almost dying that big of a deal? “I know about your huge crush—” another glare “—I mean, why now?”
Till sighed, using his hands to comb through his messy grey hair. “Hmm… I guess I just realised how big of a presence you were in my life. You were the one always there for me—so your ‘death’ hit me hard. I just missed your Ivan-ness.”
Ivan’s eyes widened, his face breaking out into a smile as he clung to Till more, smothering the boy with kisses. “Aww! My Till missed me! That’s so sweet! I guess my ‘Ivan-ness’ is a good thing!”
“H-hey, I-I still haven’t forgiven you for almost dying!” Till sputtered out, red from the barrage of kisses.
Ivan pouted, “…Will more kisses help?”
“Y-you—!”