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QUICK FADE IN FROM BLACK:
INT. STUDIO LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O’BRIEN – 2000S (REAL WORLD) ERA SET
Camera pans over THE MAX WEINBERG 7 playing usual big band music. QUICK FADE to pan over AUDIENCE. Another QUICK FADE to CONAN O’BRIEN is sitting behind his DESK. He looks up into the camera, repeatedly tapping his hand against the desk.
CONAN
“Alright, everybody, welcome back; our next guest is a former lieutenant at the NERV command center in Japan, serving directly under Ritsuko Akagi; since the Third Impact, she’s become a diplomat, political activist, and correspondent on all things related to the Angel Wars; please welcome: Maya Ibuki!
Audience applauds as MAYA IBUKI steps through BLUE CURTAINS. She walks stage left to shake Conan’s hand, then waves to the audience, and then sits down in the BIG BLUE CHAIR next to Conan’s desk.
MAYA
Thank you so much for having me!
CONAN
Of course, it’s a pleasure that you’re here!
MAYA
Well, thank you!
The applause simmers down.
CONAN
Alright, well, welcome to the show for the first time…
MAYA
Thank you.
CONAN
Yeah! …So, there’s so many things I want to ask you, you’re obviously a figure put in the spotlight right now…
MAYA
Oh, I wouldn’t say that!
CONAN
Well, I would! What, do you think a guy like me has more influence than you?
MAYA
Well, you’re on TV every night, and I’m not…
CONAN
(scoffing)
Children throw rocks at me in front of 30 Rock every day I come to work. I’m reviled by anyone who has eyes.
The audience laughs as Maya smiles, before Conan gets things back on track.
CONAN
So, you were a lieutenant at NERV in Tokyo-3, correct?
MAYA
That’s correct.
CONAN
What exactly did that entail?
MAYA
Well, primarily, I was part of the bridge team in charge of information relay and side tasks.
CONAN
That’s not vague at all.
Maya giggles as the audience laughs.
CONAN
That’s the kind of fake job listing you give to the IRS when you’re doing tax evasion.
MAYA
I mean, it was a vague job position! There were three of us, the other two were Shigeru Aoba and Makoto Hyuuga, who now do a lot of public appearances with me on shows and stuff. We’re all still best friends to this day.
CONAN
Uh-huh, and so how’d you work your way up the ranks? What made you stand out?
MAYA
Well-
CONAN
If anything.
MAYA
Uhh-
Chuckles come from the audience.
CONAN
Ok, yes, I know I worded that terribly! I’m nervous! We don’t do politics often here!
MAYA
Oh, calling me a politician is far too generous for what I do…
CONAN
Well, whatever you want to call it, I’m still nervous. I’ve been doing this show for, what, 10 years at this point? At the end of every show I curl down in my office and cry.
More laughter from the audience.
MAYA
Seriously, it’s nothing to worry about.
CONAN
We can talk about more extraneous things in a moment, but-
MAYA
Yeah, yeah, the main question. Well, so I joined fresh out of college, because there was a huge hiring push before the Third Angel, and there’s tons of jobs available all of a sudden, and for a computer science major, getting to work on some of the most complicated, new, and dangerous technology mankind was super enticing.
CONAN
(Short pause before speaking)
You mean to tell me that they hired 22-year-olds to work on soul prison robots? Jesus, I was 30 when I started this job; how the hell were they entrusting the safety of the world to kids?
Maya turns deadly serious despite the laughter.
MAYA
(Grave)
Well, that’s exactly it, that’s one of the things I raise awareness about; is that they were not well equipped at all, because it was never meant to be anything more than a sham of an operation. If it was meant to be anything serious, they would’ve built something far less temperamental like the Jet Alone robot, which, as has already made the news, was sabotaged by NERV to ensure funding wasn’t being diverted.
Conan is STUNNED at the sudden barrage of words. There’s a PAUSE.
CONAN
Sorry, it’s just a lot to take in.
MAYA
I know, I know, it’s just… it’s a very serious topic. I know you’re not just a funny guy, you’re also really smart.
CONAN
Does the Masturbating Bear look like the work of a smart man to you?
The TENSION is GONE again, things return to how they started.
MAYA
(laughing)
I mean, you went to Harvard?
CONAN
Is everyone going to hold that over my head like I’m Albert Einstein?
He gives a beat for laughter.
CONAN
You know who else went to Harvard? Losers.
More laughter.
MAYA
Look, look, the main point is I climbed the ranks because of my computer science knowledge, eventually ended up working on the MAGI, the international supercomputer system under Dr. Ritsuko Akagi-
CONAN
Who’s now your wife-
MAYA
Yes, who’s now my wife, and the computer was built by her mother. And it was important work specifically because the one in Tokyo-3 was the original, and the only people who truly understood it were Ritsuko and, later on, me.
CONAN
Not even Gendo Ikari?
MAYA
Not even Gendo. That wasn’t his field of study.
CONAN
Wow, that's- that’s incredible. I mean, to be cast into that position with so much pressure, did it get to you?
MAYA
Well, not at first. At first, I did small things like server maintenance and engineering, but I only got to work on the MAGI project later because I wrote efficient code. Not quick code, like my coworkers, but efficient code; code that ran really fast and didn’t take long to load. Ritsuko needed an apprentice, and I was the top candidate.
CONAN
Can we get a picture up screen of what young Maya looked like- Oh my God!
Maya is seen wearing a LOLITA DRESS at an INTERNET CAFÉ with a LAPTOP in front of her. Her HAIR is shoulder length.
CONAN
We didn’t look at that during rehearsal! Your hair! You look like an entirely different person!
MAYA
(Flustered)
When you start crunching, you start to care less and less about your physical appearance.
CONAN
See, I don’t get that, cause whenever I pulled an all-nighter working on a script I looked beautiful… I looked elegant… I definitely didn’t look like I’d been beaten with hammers.
MAYA
Well, you look pretty good now, all things considered!
CONAN
(Breaking down in laughter)
All things considered- what the hell does that mean? Do you think I look like a ghoul?
Maya reaches over to playfully bat Conan on the shoulder.
MAYA
You already know I’m a lesbian.
CONAN
What does that have to with anything- we’re getting off topic again! I’m starting to think you’re dodging this interview!
They wait for the audience’s laughter to die out before continuing.
MAYA
(Playfully)
I promise I’ll stop messing you up!
CONAN
Well, see, ok, it’s funny, this is a good transition, because, we’re here talking about this deadly serious topic, but you keep a good sense of humor, and that brings me to my next question, which is that you were always the optimist of the group if I’m correct?
MAYA
Yes, definitely. I often felt like I was the only person in the entire HQ that wasn’t struggling with any sort of depression or drama.
CONAN
But like, there were times you got sad, and everything.
MAYA
Well, of course. What kind of question is that?
CONAN
(Laughing as he talks)
No, it’s just, for a time period, when you first came on to the scene, you were so… aggressive. You were like a militant.
MAYA
I mean, yeah, the Third Impact sort of broke me. Witnessing all of those events firsthand. I totally changed my personality. I…
Maya shifts to become more SOMBER. The air stiffens.
MAYA
I just… loved this world so much. I joined that job because I knew I’d be protecting it. I thought I’d failed. I became mean and spiteful to ensure nothing like it ever happened again. But then I just realized that I was becoming the sort of person I hated. It might not seem like it, but whenever I’m serious and have to lock in on something, I immediately revert back to that state. It’s like another person lives inside me.
CONAN
Did the change in physical appearance have anything to do with that?
MAYA
I mean, I had changed that stuff around the time I started working at NERV. I found out I liked girls, but I still liked all of those girly things- I still do. It’s just that I didn’t have the time or patience. That job it… it eats away at you. Not the MAGI job, specifically, I just mean working at NERV in any sort of high ranking position. It consumes all of your time. You have to be on standby. The paperwork…
CONAN
It’s so bizarre talking to you simply because your time at NERV keeps shifting back and forth from dramatic to mundane office work.
Again, the audience laughs.
MAYA
That’s how it was every single day! I mean, Ritsuko was on the frontline of it all. Her and Major Katsu- Misato Katsuragi had the most paperwork out of everyone. But Misato saved it all for the last minute, she was kind of a slacker-
CONAN
The hardass Misato Katsuragi?
MAYA
Oh, yes! She’s a very different person from who she was before the Impact, although, like me, her actual personality comes out when she’s able to let loose.
The room is surprisingly silent.
MAYA
I mean, I think most people can say that. Like I said, I totally flipped personalities and became a stone cold butch and a pessimist. I loved this world so much that I replaced that love with hate at all the things that had wronged it.
CONAN
I think we’ve all changed since that day.
MAYA
Definitely. Anyways, it wasn’t until after Ritsuko and I got together that I finally realized that had happened to me.
CONAN
See, I was going to bring up Ritsuko. Now, her trial’s outcome is very controversial, and I get you can’t speak totally unbiased considering you’re her wife, but…
MAYA
No, no, I understand. Look, Ritsuko would be the first to tell you that what she did was wrong. Yet to most people, her words don’t really mean anything. Which makes sense. But think about all of the women and survivors of abuse who have come out in favor of her to back up her claims. She was in a highly abusive environment, manipulated behind the scenes. She was forced to do all of these things or face death, and she was being… well… used through it all. By Gendo. By SEELE. She was just another unit to move around.
MAYA (CONT’D)
She wasn’t evil. She wasn’t wholly willing, or actively collaborating with the intent to harm. Evil people have conscious decisions that they make. Ritsuko never had the chance to make a conscious decision in the first place. And her eventual- as the judges note, her eventual betrayal of Gendo and attempts to hinder the Third Impact not only might have saved the world from Gendo’s scenario, but it showed her coming out of it all on the right side of history.
The audience APPLAUDS. Conan utters a “WOW” as he nods.
MAYA
I mean, wouldn’t you agree, Mr. O’Brien?
There’s a PAUSE as the clapping dies out. Conan shakes his head a little in MOCK SURPRISE.
CONAN
Wow, ok, first off, I’ve never been called that, that’s, uh…
He laughs a little.
CONAN (CONT’D)
That’s very Japanese of you to, uh, say, but, uh, to answer your question, I think everyone can at least agree that Ritsuko ended up doing the right thing at the end. She’s not a bad person. It was- NERV was a travesty. It was just… horrible. I mean, sending kids off to die like that for a situation that none of us would have been able to comprehend during Second Impact. If we had known the truth. The scope of it. The… literal alienness of it.
MAYA
(Nodding)
That’s exactly what I’ve been saying. I was wholly in the dark the whole time, and finding the truth out almost drove me insane, before, during, and after instrumentality.
CONAN
Another thing that I think everyone here can agree is that that you are incredibly lovely, the work you do is immensely brave, and the diplomacy and peace activism you’ve pursued has been astonishing; your track record doesn’t lie.
MAYA
Thank you.
Applause breaks out.
Cut to Conan suddenly looking up towards the camera.
CONAN
We’ll be right back with more Maya Ibuki, stick around, don’t go away!
CAMERA PULLS OUT AND ABOVE. INTERMEDIATE MUSIC starts playing.
FADE TO BLACK TO:
COMMERCIALS
FADE FROM BLACK TO:
LOGO appears in bottom right corner. WEINBERG 7 finishes playing. Conan and Maya are having a conversation. CAMERA ZOOMS BACK IN TO CONAN AND MAYA.
CONAN LOOKS BACK UP AT THE CAMERA.
CONAN
Welcome back everyone, we’re here with more Maya Ibuki!
BREAK FOR APPLAUSE. CONAN LOOKS BACK AT MAYA.
CONAN
Now, I wanted to ask you this, as I’m shocked that in all the interviews we’ve read of yours, no one had asked this. Do you have anybody still up in Instrumentality? Friends or family?
MAYA
No, thankfully, and that’s probably why I’ve never talked about it before. I’m incredibly fortunate that everyone I know and love was able to visualize themselves. I, I can’t say the same for lots of people I know. Ummm, obviously, Gendo Ikari is still stuck up there, as are the SEELE members. Shigeru- Shigeru Aoba, my friend-
CONAN
Right, right.
MAYA
He has some family he was really close to stuck up there. Not his parents, but his aunt, some of his cousins. He was always a nihilist, before Instrumentality, at least, and, well, it’s not my story to tell, but all I’ll say is that he feels like that sort of apathy runs through his family.
CONAN
Yeah, I get that.
MAYA
For people or families who’ve always struggled with themselves, their identity, you are far more likely to have people stuck up there. That’s just what I’ve experienced; I’m not sure what the statistics are on that. He's lucky that he's able to deal with grief so well. I've met so many people who are just devastated. They can't take it.
CONAN
(Nodding, pausing before resuming)
That also brings me to my next question, namely how the only reason return is possible is because of Shinji Ikari, yeah?
MAYA
That’s correct.
THE CROWD GETS RESTLESS. There’s some murmuring, some CHEERING, some BOOING, there’s some RELIGIOUS CALLS from the audience before PEOPLE START SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER.
CONAN
Ok, everybody settle down, this is an interview for a comedy show, for God’s sake!
MAX WEINBERG SLAMS on his SNARE repeatedly to try and quiet everybody down. Noise slowly dies out.
CONAN
Look, I get we all have opinions, but please, let her speak.
MAYA
Thank you.
CONAN
No, of course, I’m really sorry about that.
MAYA
Oh, I’m used to it. Anybody who personally knows Shinji is used to this sort of stuff by now.
Maya SIGHS.
MAYA
(Bittersweet)
He’s... he’s doing good, for anyone wondering. He’s doing a lot better than he was right after the incident, of course, as is Asuka.
CONAN
You’ve said you don’t blame Shinji Ikari for starting Third Impact, correct?
MAYA
Absolutely not.
The audience murmurs.
CONAN
And why is that?
MAYA
Well, everyone should know by now, as I’ve been making it very clear through documents and evidence and anecdote. Shinji was unwittingly used as a pawn by NERV and SEELE. He had no idea the entire time, until the very last second, that he was being used. W-well, he knew he was being used, but he had no idea how important he was in the grand scheme of things. No one did. Not even Misato, although she had her suspicions. Ritsuko was totally clueless. Shinji only realized it after he’d been crucified, and even then, he didn’t realize he was continuing to be manipulated even then.
CONAN
‘Cause, Rei, the, other pilot, the one who’s… uh-
MAYA
Part of Lilith.
CONAN
Right, by the time she had approached him, was it already too late?
MAYA
I think so. The whole point of Rei trying to save Shinji was so he could make his own choice, but by that point his ego was so thoroughly broken that… things were inevitable. It was unstoppable what had been set forth. I don’t think any of the results would have been different after Kaji died.
CONAN
Really?
MAYA
Yeah, that was the last chance to change it from happening. That’s how I feel, that’s how Misato feels. Ritsuko feels different, but it doesn’t really matter what we think because it’s all in the past.
CONAN
Right, and for the sake of the audience, Kaji is the whistleblower and double, or triple? Uhhh, agent, the one who worked for himself.
MAYA
Yes, he was trying to stop both NERV and SEELE all along.
APPLAUSE is given for Kaji, almost as if it’s PATRIOTIC.
MAYA
Seriously, he was doing genuine hero work, as were countless others in this incident. So many lost their lives, too, even if some came back through Rei-
CONAN
Not to even mention the 2nd NERV Branch, the Nevada Branch, which-
MAYA
Yes, yes. I didn’t know anyone at the Nevada Branch, but when I saw what happened that day, we all sort of bottled it in. But you could see on the faces of everyone in HQ the horror. It was like shellshock. It showed in the eyes. When I got home, I just cried and cried and cried, nonstop. I was nauseous. It was horrifying. It was like a microcosm of Second Impact.
CONAN
Which, essentially, it was.
MAYA
Mm-hmm.
CONAN
But, so Shinji, he’s the most influential person in the world right now, bar none. Everyone has eyes on him, but of course no one can actually land sight of him, because everyone, the UN, they’re trying to give him as normal of a life as possible. Is that possible? I mean, I was raised Catholic, in case you couldn’t tell by this…
He waves his hands in front of his face.
CONAN
Irish abomination.
The laughter slowly returns.
CONAN
And the Shinji Ikari Question is now the biggest debate ever in all theological circles. Can a kid go back to normal after that? You’ve already made it clear-
MAYA
I don’t think he’s any sort of God, no. He… some people suspect he may have been granted demigod-like powers, after everything with Third Impact, but if they are there, they’re wholly latent. We don’t know if he has anything. Yet, it’s also hard to believe, as a spiritual person myself, that he came out of there wholly unchanged. But whatever the case, he personally doesn’t care at this point. He just wants to move on from everything. Which, I don’t blame him.
CONAN
I mean, God, he’s going to be entering college soon. If he even attends. At that age all I was worrying about were test scores.
MAYA
Right, yeah, no, it’s tragic. I… can’t help but feel responsible, in some way. Like… I’ve always been very doting and affectionate, and he’s just the sweetest, nicest kid. His abuse made me physically ill multiple times. I… I kind of feel like an aunt to him. And he says he feels the same way about me, which relieves me, because really, I just want the best for the kid. He’s so smart, talented, witty, and he has so much to think and say and write and I know he’s gonna go on to do great things with all of that in him. And I do think he’ll become more and more open with his experience over time. He just needs a break. For the rest of his life, he’s going to have security watching over him, so the least we can do is let him live as normal of a life as possible, the normal life he wants to live. Regardless of whether you think he’s the Messiah, or if he’s evil, or if he’s a hero, just, please. Let the kid live his life.
The crowd APPLAUDS. Any dissenters are silent.
CONAN
I agree 100%. I personally believe that kid is a hero. Any sort of built-in paternal instincts I have just kicks in to overdrive; I get… enraged thinking about what all those pilots had to go through. Even the Americans who never saw battle, and even Kaworu, the Angel. No kid should have to do that. They were child soldiers. We let that happen as a society because there was “no other option,” but it’s been made clear now that that’s bullshit, and the protests were justified.
MAYA
Again, no one would let that happen if they knew the truth. If they knew how bad things really were. NERV knew this.
CONAN
Definitely.
CONAN (CONT’D)
Anyways, when people come on the show, usually it’s to promote something, but for you, you don’t have anything to promote, correct?
MAYA
(Suddenly peppy)
No, not yet! I am working on a book, but it won’t be ready for quite a while.
CONAN
Well, when that’s ready, please come back! We definitely want to see you again. In the meantime, though, what do you have to say?
MAYA
Well, please contact any of your government officials to help support foreign aid and foreign policy in general, because this rebuilding is an international effort.
MAYA (CONT’D)
Just… express your opinions, whatever they are. Keep showing up to protests, to rallies, to fundraisers. We need to get back to a healthy, normal society, and to do that, we need to continue to bring justice against those responsible, and heal the wounds of those hurt, while also preventing infighting. It’s a miracle it’s not as bad as it was during the Second Impact, but Europe is in shambles right now, and we need to boost funding to help them. By we, I mean America, Japan, and all other world governments that are able to do so.
Maya is met with RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE.
CONAN
Maya Ibuki, it has been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for being here.
Conan turns to look at the camera, POINTING to it.
CONAN
We’ll be right back after the break, don’t go anywhere.
ANOTHER FADE OUT, SIMILAR TO BEFORE
COMMERCIALS
FADE BACK IN TO:
SHOW CREDITS ON RIGHT HALF OF SCREEN
CONAN
That’s our show; stay tuned for Last Call with Carson Daly, we’ll see you on Monday!
As the crowd APPLAUDS, Maya joins in. Camera ZOOMS OUT to REVEAL the previous guest, “STONE COLD” STEVE AUSTIN, sitting on the COUCH to her right. He goes in for a HANDSHAKE, which Maya reciprocates. Her face is VISIBLY STUNNED at the STRENGTH OF HIS GRIP, while BEER sits in his other hand.