Work Text:
“You know, I really like doing this with you.”
Kabru couldn't help but smirk at that. He was lying curled up on his side, with his cheek resting against Laios' shoulder and his hand on his chest. What a thing to say, truly! Laios really sounded as if he realised just now, after countless evenings together, that he was enjoying himself. More than that, though, it was a sign that he wanted to say something more, and needed encouragement first. Wonder what it would be this time. Kabru's hand moved from his chest onto the side of his neck, and traced the outline of his jaw. “Really? Well, I like it too, of course” he said, filling his voice with soothing warmth that matched his gentle touch. This should work.
“That's a relief,” Laios sighed. He was starting to melt into the touch. Good. “I was worried that it only felt good for me.” It was a wonder that he could still worry about things like that. There was no choice but to keep telling him otherwise. “But, I think, it's not just about how it feels. Every time,” he went on, sending Kabru a quick glance before looking anxiously away, “I feel like I get to know you a little better. I'm learning a lot about you.”
“Oh?” Intrigued, amused, and mildly afraid, Kabru propped himself up on Laios' chest to get a better look at his face. He wasn't sure if he liked the sound of that. Joy that Laios finally showed interest in people made way for horrot that it was him that that interest was pointed towards, and suspicion of what Laios could have possibly learned about him in this specific setting. Brave through it. Keep probing. Gently. “What kind of things have you been learning about me? It was definitely,” he added, forcing a giggle, “not from anything I said, right?” He avoided talking about himself most of the time, anyhow, and certainly didn't have the time to do it in bed. Everything coming out of his mouth was an instruction or an involuntary noise, and he wouldn't stick around afterwards and risk blurting something out in his sleep. Whatever Laios thought he knew about him wasn't something he was aware of sharing. Maybe there was nothing to worry about.
“No, no, it's nothing you said. It's different kinds of stuff. Like...” Laios once again looked directly at him before letting his eyes slide to the side. He pursed his lips and took a deep breath. Oh, he was preparing to say something dreadful. Kabru braced himself. “Your smell is slightly different depending on the day. Things like that.”
Well, nothing could have possibly prepared him for that. Kabru fluttered his eyelashes and forced his involuntary grimace to twist into a smile. “Sorry? My smell?”
Laios nodded. “It's probably because of your cycle. Hormones can change how you smell. Sometimes it's weaker, sometimes it's stronger. I can more or less tell where you are in your cycle because of that. Even when you're fully clothed.” As he spoke, over time, he sounded less and less nervous. Kabru knew this kind of tone. It was the same one he used when sharing monster trivia. He did not like that realisation one bit, and he liked what he was hearing even less. “You smell differently before we start and after we finish, too,” Laios went on, raising his finger and looking up at Kabru, his face lit up, “and that's due to hormones, too, and also sweat! Your smell is stronger now, but it was even stronger when we finished, before I got used to it. Isn't that interesting?”
Kabru instinctively pinched his nose. He wasn't aware of this, and he didn't feel that he was better off knowing it now. Just when he was starting to consider throwing himself into the bath and scraping every inch of his body clean, and also never walking out of his room again, he remembered a detail that brought at least some relief. Laios retained some monster-like qualities from his brief transformation. Some of the effects he was aware of, and some even Laios himself wasn't sure of. His sense of smell was most definitely heightened as a result of that, too. That was a relieving thought, and he chose to believe it was the case. It was better than the alternative. Kabru let out a relieved chuckle. “I see. I didn't know you meant something like that.”
“There's more!” Laios said immediately. “There are other things I noticed about you.”
Well, it couldn't be anything more alarming than the first thing. Kabru rested his chin atop Laios' chest and looked into his eyes with concern and curiosity. “Yes?”
“Well, there's the way you react to touch,” Laios went on excitedly. “I wasn't sure if I could touch you at first, remember? But I started to notice how your body reacts, and actually- can I? Here.” He reached out his hand and cupped Kabru's cheek. Big, warm, gentle hand. “Okay, see? You were leaning into it before I even touched you. You were waiting for me to do it, right?” Laios' eyes twinkled with enthusiasm. “And you're not leaning away now, either. You're still leaning into it. And I can feel your cheek getting warmer. Here,” he pointed out, stroking Kabru's cheek with his thumb. “I can see the blush, too. On your cheeks, and a bit on your ears. It really suits you.” He suddenly withdrew his hand and looked away again. “Or, uhh...” he stammered, brushing his thumb against his fingertips. “Here, let me-”
Kabru watched as Laios reached for his hand. He instinctively raised it and let Laios take it in his hand. It was always funny to see the difference in size – a difference present in every aspect of their bodies, naturally, but somehow holding hands made it all the more striking. Seeing his slim hand with its slender fingers and rounded fingernails, inside Laios' big, wide, square hand, always made him feel small, but in a way that was strangely comforting.
“Look,” Laios whispered excitedly, “the same kind of thing happened, right? You saw I wanted to take your hand, and you met me halfway. And your fingers,” he went on, with a wide smile, “curled up around my hand. You want to keep holding it for a while, right?” He laughed awkwardly. “I think I'll have to use my other hand. Is it okay if I touch you here...?”
His hand reached under the blanket and touched Kabru's leg, thrown nonchalantly across Laios' lap. Kabru couldn't help but squirm at first as Laios put his whole hand right on his thigh, but soon the tension was gone, replaced with relaxing pleasure. Laios groped around his flesh, messaging it with his fingertips, closer to his inner thigh but never taking the risk of touching anywhere past it. Kabru let out a soft sigh and squeezed his hand. His eyes closed on their own.
“When I touch you in that area,” Laios spoke matter-of-factly, “at first you always tense up. I used to think that meant I shouldn't touch it at all,” he confessed, as his hand slid up and down Kabru's thigh, drawing more soft sighs out of him, “but I know that you like it. I think I know what it is. When you touch me, sometimes I get like that too. Especially if I'm not expecting it. But I like it when you touch me, you know?” He looked away bashfully and let his hand rest on Kabru's inner thigh. “I like it a lot. And now I know you like it too.”
Kabru said nothing. He felt so relaxed that he could fall asleep right then and there, with Laios' hand on his thigh, and his other hand holding his own. But that wasn't meant to be, because Laios moved his hand, he withdrew it entirely from Kabru's thigh and for a moment it felt as if it were his body that was missing something. A moment later, though, any thoughts about falling asleep evaporated from Kabru's head, as he was jolted awake with a sudden touch to the small of his back. His eyes shot wide open and his mouth let out something between a gasp, a moan and a whimper.
“I noticed this today,” Laios spoke cheerfully, unfazed by Kabru's reaction. “You like having your back touched, don't you? Right here, and upwards,” he said, and his fingers slid up Kabru's spine. It was a delightful kind of agony. Laios had found a knot in his body that even he wasn't aware of, and was massaging it out. Kabru squirmed on top of him. “Oh, should I stop?” Laios asked, suddenly concerned.
“N-no,” Kabru blurted out, shaking his head lightly. He sent Laios a shaky smile, wiping his brow with his free hand. “No, I'm fine. It really feels nice, you were right. I guess,” he added, laughing awkwardly, “that sometimes things feel so good that you don't know how to handle it.” Not that he'd ever felt this way before. But he was starting to like it.
Laios seemed relieved. “I know exactly what you mean!” He withdrew his hand once again and looked at it, hovering above Kabru's shoulder. “I hope that I'll keep noticing these things. I want to make you feel good. I want to see you smile. Oh! You have a few different smiles.”
This part, Kabru knew very well. It was on purpose. But a part of him hoped that Laios wouldn't catch on to that. There were some tricks it was better to keep to himself. But maybe he got too close to hide them anymore. “No way, really? How does that work?”
“It's hard to explain.” Laios ran his fingers through his hair, looking off to the side. “You smile at everyone, and it looks like the same smile, but I can feel the difference.” Deep breath. “I like seeing you smile. But I like it the most when you smile at me afterwards. Because, I dunno,” he knitted his eyebrows. Oh, he was sweating buckets. “It feels like you're just smiling without thinking about it. You feel good, so you smile. I can tell, because the area around your eyes is relaxed. I want to make you smile like that. It really suits you.” He took a quick glance at Kabru and his eyes grew wide and his mouth hung agape. “You're doing it right now!”
Kabru covered his mouth with his free hand. He knew it wouldn't hide his smile. It was in his eyes, in his flushed cheeks, in his heartbeat. He couldn't stop it, and he couldn't hide it. Why was this happening to him? These were just words. He'd heard compliments like this from all kinds of people. Everyone said his smile was charming, and he knew it was, too, because it was supposed to be. But nobody talked about it this way before. This wasn't flirting, an exchange of compliments that meant nothing but had to be said. This was worse, because it was sincere.
“Um... Uh...” Laios glanced around frantically, squeezing Kabru's hand, looking for something to say. “I really like your eyes. That's a really nice colour. I think it suits you.” Deep breath. “And when your eyes are closed, I like looking at your eyelashes. They're really long, did you know that?” He cupped Kabru's cheek, letting the hair above his ear tickle his fingertips. “Your hair, too. It always smells really nice, especially right after you wash it. I like- I like the way it curls up around my fingers,” he went on, talking quickly as if he was scared that if he hesitated even for a moment, he would bite his own tongue off. “I like looking at your face. I don't always know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, I'll probably never know, but I like looking at you.”
Kabru helplessly buried his face against Laios' chest. This was the only way to hide, hide his burning cheeks and his goofy, unflattering smile. Such simple compliments, and they made him happy anyway. Laios paid enough attention to him to be able to say so many things and, worse still, mean all of them. This was a weakness. Kabru was well-equipped for most human interactions, with the sole exception of this one. Sincerity could only be met with sincerity, and he had no clue how to respond without wanting to rip his heart out of his chest.
“Hey, Kabru?”
Deep breath. He had to collect himself enough to make his smile seem at least a little bit more normal. Kabru cleared his throat and looked up, resting his chin on Laios' chest once again. “Yes?”
Laios scratched at his own cheek absentmindedly and pursed his lips. Hey, you can't get shy now! “I really like doing things with you. I want to keep doing them, if you don't mind.”
Kabru let out an exasperated sigh. After all this time, he still wasn't convinced, huh? “Of course, I don't mind. I told you I like it too.”
“I'm glad we're on the same page.” They were back to the beginning, it seemed. “It's funny. I never thought about it before I met you.” That wasn't particularly surprising, all things considered. When one spent so much time thinking about monster, and so little thinking about people, it was natural that the thought wouldn't occur. Maybe this was another one of Kabru's achievements. “But now I know I want it, at least, with you.” Deep breath. “I really, really like you.”
How utterly disarming. They were both too old to put things in such innocent terms, but somehow, that only made Kabru appreciate it more. “I like you, too,” he said softly, letting his lips curl into the most sincere smile yet. “Don't worry. I'll stay by your side.” It wasn't a bad place to be.
Laios inhaled sharply. He looked directly at Kabru, and away again, and opened his mouth. Was something wrong? “I think I'm in love with you, Kabru.” And he squeezed his eyes shut.
What could one say to that, really? 'Well, I certainly hope so.' 'Why?' 'No way, really?' 'Who wouldn't be?' all seemed like good options, and he would love to use them, but he knew all too well that he couldn't. It would be so easy to be ironic, or dismissive, or turn the whole thing into a joke, and change the topic, and never talk about it again. But one doesn't answer sincerity with mockery. Not when Laios looked as if he was expecting to be hit for his confession, so honest and revealing and vulnerable and embarrassing – and so brave. There was only one thing Kabru could say, and he wasn't sure if he was brave enough to.
And so he sat up, frozen, and kept opening and closing his mouth, well aware that he looked like a fish out of water. He'd told so many people so many different things and never once hesitated. Compliments, promises, words of encouragement flew out of his mouth with ease for years, and he never had to think twice. For the past months he'd been learning, slowly bur surely, how hard it was to say things he actually meant. At least, how hard it was for him. Laios was afraid, was nervous, was hesitant, and yet he still managed to do it, not just today but so many times before. A declaration of friendship had to be ripped out of Kabru's mouth on an impulse, and he was careful not to let it happen since. Nothing too personal. Nothing that revealed he felt anything.
Laios had missed so many cues. Maybe he wouldn't miss this one. Kabru wrestled his clammy hand out of Laios' grip and, shaking and gritting his teeth, he drew a heart shape on his chest with his index finger. Right over the real heart, pumping and thumping in that chest. He drew the heart shape over and over again, until it left a real pink mark on Laios' skin. Laios finally looked up at him, studden but hopeful, breathing heavily.
He still couldn't say it. He knew that if he tried to speak, he wouldn't make a sound at all. But maybe at least he could mouth it, as many times as it took for it to stick.
I love you.