Archive of Our Own

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Empty
It starts again,
the endless and empty day

Kim was an enigma to most. A puzzle that needed to be solved. The complicated code no one could crack. People looked for him high and low. Found him and put him under the microscope of their speculations, tested him, and experimented on him.

But they never found the answers. Kim wasn't ordinary. His existence is rooted in destruction and ended in it. Kim was the result of a dangerous collision that shook the galaxy. He was mysterious, confusing, and a subject of wonders. People loved to explore him.

They were innocent of his wickedness. He wasn't simple. He was born into a complicated relationship, between two stars and the galaxy. The results were disastrous: the two stars collided and gave birth to him. A black hole.

Lonely
In this cold waiting,
this crazy loneliness

Porchay was bright. He was warmth, love, joy, and the light in someone's darkness. He was Porsche's sun. His center. Porsche revolved around him like the earth to the sun. His brother was his world after all.

Porchay, though the reason behind many lives was just a star. He was the center for so many people and so many planets. They circled him showering him with love and company. Even then, Chay was lonely.

His identity was the sun, but his heart was that of a star. He was a star. And he belonged in the cosmos. Not the solar system. But alas, he was far from home. On the outskirts of the galaxy, dammned to exist without a center for miles.

He was a lonely star who wanted a center of his own. Every star had its center, but him. He knew the planets were just distractions, something to make him feel like he was still a part of the cosmos. While in reality, he was an outcast. He was a lone star.

The compass that guides me
Following that meteor shower
I run without a destination
To find an answer, to find an answer.

Kim was nosy. He had to know everything. Knowledge was power. Education was the greatest weapon a man could own. So Kim learned. He was always learning. He didn't hesitate. Knowledge about something meant he was useful. He knew things that could bring the greatest to their end.

Knowing, meant, that if he ever found himself stuck, he would know the exact things to help him get out of it. Knowledge meant power. Kim knew. 

Kim was power.

He always needed answers, reasons, and a firm decision. Knowledge gave him everything he needed. Even the existence of the star he was infatuated with. Knowledge was the compass that guided him to Chay.

He was stuck now. In the clutch of a galaxy, that never played fair. And the knowledge Kim possessed wasn't enough to get him out of it. He needed to find answers before it all went down.

Faintly shining
At the end of my universe
The long wandering has finally
Come to an end, an end.

Porchay has rounded the spiral galaxy for years. He never found his home. The cosmos where he belongs. Until the night, in the darkest part of his life, he stumbled upon something bright. A cosmos that housed the brightest and the fastest star in the galaxy, Wik.

Wik was everything Porchay looked for in a companion. Wik was bright, Wik was kind, and Wik was at the center. He had gravitation around him that pulled everyone a little bit closer. He was mesmerizing. More beautiful than the galaxy could ever be.

Porchay wasn't anyone different. He was pulled in. He raced against time to come back to the place where he could see Wik. Wik sat at the center like a true monarch, serenading millions into his orbit. And Porchay wanted to be a part of it.

He wanted to be a part of the cosmos that Wik was surrounded with. He wanted to see the star, brighter than he would ever be, up close. Porchay had looked for a center, a star to orbit, and he had found him. In Wik.

So, when Wik agrees to tutor him, he is elated. Because it meant, he was a part of the cosmos that Wik ruled. It meant that his long wait to find a focal point had come to an end.

Oh my sputnik
I've found my destiny
(you're another me)

When Wik stumbles upon the makeshift shrine of himself in Porchay's room, he knows he is stuck for life. He had fallen into the temptation that was Porchay, and there was no turning away because no matter where he started, he would always end where Porchay was.

He could start from the center, and he would still find Porchay at the other end. He could begin at the top, and he would find Porchay just beneath him, holding him up. Porchay was growing from being just a fascination to downright infatuation. And Kim needed to pull away.

Call me destiny
Because I know you're like me.

Porchay was a star. A lone star. On the edge of the galaxy. Wik was a star, another lone star. At the center of the galaxy. Porchay was orbited by planets. Wik was orbited by a cosmos. They were the same but so much more different from each other.

Wik was bright. Wik was fast. Wik was a part of the family. Porchay was luminous. Porchay was hesitant. Porchay was an outcast.

a single warmth
my frozen hands
once they're held together
it all melts away (away)

Kim was cold. He was a black hole. He was empty, he was dead. Porchay was warm. He was the sun. He gave life, but he still burned.

The lovesong was anything he expected and everything he imagined. Raw, magnificent, and most importantly, complete. It had emotions. Woven with every word that could ever describe what love was. Carefully crafted and encased in a sheet that was gifted to Kim.

The song was Porchay. Everything about the song was Porchay. The love, joy, doubt, admiration, and devotion. It was everything Kim could find in Porchay. It was everything Kim loved about Porchay.

And his voice...A curse of the siren. It echoed throughout space, past the numerous stars, away from its origin, straight into his heart.

The careful selection of vocabulary tangled with each other, creating a small ball of love that had now begun the revolution around Kim's heart. And all the walls, built through countless training, drilled to the grounds of his organ by multiple sufferings, all crumble down.

You're my orbit
You're my one and only
In the night sky, fly with you

Wik was his center. His grounding factor. His only orbit. The gravitational pull of the great red giants never diverted Chay from the course that led to Wik. They could never overpower Wik's hold on him. Wik was all he ever needed.

So Porchay weaves. He collects all the words that could ever symbolize love and weaves them into a song. He finds the perfect chords to match the beat of his heart, the pulsing energy of his core that hums his feelings. He piles them into a sheet and creates a supernova.

He creates a song, that could only ever be sung for one. He creates a melody, that could only ever pull one. He creates an art, that could only ever be created by him.

We're gonna glow
(with you, we fly)
We gotta go
(don't stop, we ride)

Kim knows he should pull away. The light was not his to take. The confession was not for him to answer. But he still doesn't stop himself. He holds the light close and watches it be mesmerized by everything Wik created, the illusion that hid the darkness in him.

And when Porchay collides with his world, he can't pull back. Porchay had grown from a mere infatuation to passion and devotion. And Kim could never step back from there.

Porchay is soaring. His heart was full. The kiss works him up to the galaxy, the first hug dangles him from the edge, and Kim's gaze pushes him off of it. And Porchay falls. From heights that only love could ever reach.

Porchay is in a state of free fall. His body dashed past the clouds, wind in his ears, and his heart quivering behind his ribcage. But Porchay doesn't care. For he knows, Kim would catch him at the bottom of it all.

So Porchay let's go. And Kim holds him at the end, his heart cradled close to Kim's, safe and sound. The two celestial beings, finally share the same orbit.

when I hold hands with you (hold hand)
my scars become glorious traces

The first time Kim held Chay's hand, it was to correct his grip on the guitar. But it was Wik who held his hands. For it was Wik that Chay saw. This time it's Kim and the life that bursts through the touch lights a path of fire in its wake through the void that is Kim.

orbiting the universe countless times
our orbits have finally overlapped
we've met like a miracle.

Porchay has always thought of himself as someone unlucky. Meeting Wik purified that perception. He has always looked for a center. A star like him, that he could orbit until his last days. He searched for it every day.

And now finally he shares the same orbit as his center. He knows Wik has an orbit around something. But his shine is always too bright for him to see past the ring of energy. It's both a blessing and a curse. Because Wik had always been just an illusion.

oh my sputnik
I've found my destiny

The guilt is there, and the remorse is there. But he can't feel bad for the way the sunlight flickers for the first time. He can't feel bad for the way that it gives him the chance to look past that happiness and joy, to the real Chay.

The lone star burned itself to the core just to be something more. All he wanted was to belong somewhere. To find his home, to be seen as someone rather than a lone star. To be the sun. To be seen as the sun and not just a star.

To be useful for something so he doesn't get left behind. Kim would never feel bad for cooling the heat down. For letting Porchay feel his cracks and burns so he would know, and accept that he was hurt.

Kim would never feel bad for making the sun realize that, it was only trying to belong somewhere that was not his home. He would never feel bad for making Porchay realize that yes, the happy joyful boy, was a liar who hid his pain and burned it to give others joy.

Kim would never feel bad for pushing and encouraging Porchay to find his worth. Kim would never feel bad for shaking Chay off his orbit and making him fall into his darkness so that he could learn. You need speed to survive a black hole. Porchay needed to accept himself to accept Kim.

call me destiny
because I know you're like me

The stage of realization is a step to self-love that is the most painful and cruelest ever. And it shook Porchay off balance. When Chay reached for Wik to stabilize him, all he found was darkness. A void. There was no Wik. Just a monster that never spared anything on its path.

It is painful and terrifying. A violent force of gravity that doesn't let Porchay escape. It swings him around and pushes him off balance every time he gets on his feet. It was unbearable. But somehow he does it.

He is ready to give up and submit himself to the pull and let it destroy him. The weight of the fact that he was at the end, makes him think back to what his life was. He looks back to smile at his brother. But then... the spot where the earth once revolved, was empty.

Realization. It's an eerie feeling. It's like your mind, body, and soul are floating in the middle of the ocean. It's the edge. You either swim or drown.

Swimming is hard work, it will tire your bones and make you stop. It will have you floating again back to the edge. Drowning is easy. You just let go. But then you feel the water climb your skin, inch by inch, and feel your eyes scrunch at the tingling sensation.

Your brain creates numerous illusions, of what you will look like at the bottom of the ocean. Covered in darkness, lost in oblivion. There might be some mighty sea creatures beside you, behind you, under you, above you, watching you, nudging you, and waiting.

Waiting to see if you're prey. You open your eyes, gasping from fear, but all you see is fading light and darkening blue. That is when the fear of the end settles in. That is when one starts fighting.

But the pressure of the water is that of boulders. It won't be easy. It will push you down until you can't see your own hands. It will fill you and consume you until you're nothing but the shell of the human you once were. That was the realization.

And Porchay is finally having his. He is on the edge, floating in the middle of the ocean, contemplating. Was Kim the only liar in this game? Didn't Porsche lie too? Didn't he lie too? Weren't they all liars? So why was he punishing only one? What about him and Porsche?

People complain. When the sun is too bright they complain about being hot. When the sun is hidden they complain about being cold. He doesn't understand what they want.

But all he knows is that people have been seeing the light for so long, that they have forgotten what darkness feels like. They have been taking him for granted.

They only see his light and not the way he struggles to keep it bright for them. He is flickering he burns for them, but they don't appreciate it. They have been so blinded by his light, that they have forgotten that the sun dies to give them life. The sunburns keep them warm

And Porchay is done dying for them. He is done burning for them. He tried. He had tried so hard to not just be another star. Burning and dying, all so they wouldn't see him as just another star.

All so they wouldn't think that he was another star. It took him burning himself over and over again, to shine brighter, for them to recognize him as the sun. But they never saw it.

All they saw was a boy who was, happy, bright, and shined like the sun. He was the sun in their eyes. But they seemed to have forgotten. Forgot what became of a dead star. There were only two possibilities. One, it turned into a white giant, or two, it turned into a black hole.

One that destroyed everything in its path. One that tore anything and everything apart. And Porchay was dying. Has been dying. Walking in the void of loneliness looking for something. But never knowing what.

There was always a pull in this infinite darkness, and Porchay let it tow him in its direction. He has been orbiting a galaxy that decided he should be a lone star for eternity. But he doesn't know what lies in its center, the thing that pulls him towards it.

Has been pulling him for the longest time. And Porchay follows. It tugs at him, gentle and slow, and Porchay goes. People think that he is precious because the world revolves around him. But Porchay revolved around something else, and he held something else dear to him.

Porchay has lived his life as the sun. The only star that was orbited by planets. He had a gravity of his own. His worth kept the planets from wandering away. So he feels when someone is pulled away by a force stronger than his. He had felt it when Porsche was pulled away.

So why did he punish Kim for it by pushing him away? Kim wasn't the one that took Porsche from him. So why did he push his center away? Who was he angry with? Who was he punishing? Kim, by pushing him away and blaming him, Porsche by distancing himself, or him?

The realization settles in. Porchay wasn't punishing anyone. He was destroying. He was trying to destroy his pain. And most of them were caused by the people that he held close. He was destroying himself to accept Kim and Porsche.

a single warmth
my frozen hands
once they're held together
it all melts away (away)

you're my orbit
you're my one and only
in the night sky, fly with you

He orbited a Kim that rested at the center of his galaxy. A black hole, that has his eyes for no one but the lone star known as the sun. If Porchay was the sun, then Kim was a black hole. If Porchay had light, Kim had darkness. And the light shines brighter, in darkness.

The planets weren't stars. They weren't what he needed. He needed another star. A center he can orbit. A focal point, he can give in to its gravitational force, enough to ground him. And he found that grounding factor. He has been chasing it for the longest time.

But now, he knows what it is that pulls him, knows its existence, and Porchay craves it. He needs it. He wasn't the helpless, lone star, that sat in the middle of the planets watching them revolve around him.

He wants them to know, that he orbits someone too. Someone, much darker, capable of destroying them if he wished to. Chay even after knowing Wik's real name is Kim always referred to him as Wik. That is because he hasn't seen Kim yet. He has only seen Wik, a star.

An illusion that created the ring of Lumos that blinded him from seeing what lay beyond. Obstructed his view of the real center, Kim. And Kim watches, from where he sits in the middle as Porchay gravitates towards him after the realization, determined.

we're gonna glow
(with you, we fly)
we gotta go
(don't stop, we ride)

His star falls back into his gravitational force so easily. And he cradles him close to his heart. And Porchay finds his footing. He finds his pace. He realizes what speed Wik needs to maintain to stay up. He realizes how exhausting it is for Kim.

And Porchay orbits that edge never resting and never complaining. Because this was his right place. Besides Kim, glowing for him. He doesn't have to burn for Kim. Kim only needs light, not warmth.

In this demolished world
A star called you that I found
I need you, my love.

Porchay wasn't Kim's love. He was his light, his salvation, and his savior. The darkness cannot haunt Kim when Porchay's light is always there, present and brightening him. Porchay was long past the devotion. He was now, his addiction.

Porchay was Kim's drug. And only when he parted with him, threatening his safety, did he realize that he needed him. He needed him. Not just a necessity like water, but a natural need like air. He gravitated towards Porchay, the same as breathing.

Kim keeps his star close to his heart. When other stars look in the middle, Kim's darkness is forgotten when they witness the way the monster shines as Chay orbits it. He didn't worry about darkness when Chay sang to him with his light illuminating every part of Kim.

Please don't make rust
Please make me believe in eternity
Let's start this journey together

Giving Kim a second chance was not easy. It took courage and determination. Both that Chay had been lacking after the fall. But Kim doesn't let him stumble again. After finding his worth and understanding himself better, Chay never strayed from his orbit.

Kim never let him wander away. And people watch, the way Chay never runs out of light even when Kim swallows it all. But when they see how the star is cradled close to the edge of the pit of eternal darkness, which only makes the star shine brighter rather than swallowing it, they learn the real meaning of 'light only shines brighter in darkness.' 

With Kim, Chay wasn't just the sun or the lone star. He was him. He was Porchay. He felt like Porchay. A person, one that Kim sees and makes sure to remind him how treasured he is.

Across this loneliness
Fly in the blue sky
We will engrave "eternity" among the starlight

Kim was poison. He made you realize the importance of living in the cruelest way possible. Even Chay. But Kim was salvation. He wasn't just a destroyer. Especially in the face of real monsters like Korn. Kim was a protector.

Porchay had always wanted to be seen. He has wanted to belong. He always felt out of place. Out of his element. When in truth, he was destined to be seen by Kim. He has always belonged with Kim. Kim was his element, his home. His eternity.

further than eternity
this endless journey
our journey will continue

Kim was the deadliest of poison. He would bring you to your knees with just one drop of taste. He was deadly. But he had an antidote. Only one. He had one cure, Porchay. They co-existed. Kim didn't exist without Porchay. Porchay didn't exit without Kim.

we're gonna go
(with you, we fly)
we gotta go
(don't stop, we ride)

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©Liyana⋇