Chapter Text
“We’ll start from the right side. Please begin with a brief introduction.” The interviewer nodded to the person on the right, steepling their fingers.
They nodded nervously, beginning, “Hello, I decided to work at this park because…”
Tsukasa tried not to pant from having to run all the way to the interview area, something very unbecoming of a star. It was his turn soon, and he had to do a good job. He opened his mouth to begin speaking. “First impressions are eve-”
A loud crash sounded throughout the room, followed by a strained, yet still cheerful sounding “Motherfucker!”
“CUT!” The director yelled.
Tsukasa immediately ran over to the disturbance, and saw a girl with a pink bob on the floor in the Family Guy Death Pose.
“The floor shouldn’t be so hard!” she whined, pushing herself up.
Tsukasa offered her his hand. “Are you okay?”
“I’m…” The girl began a drumroll, patting her hands on her thighs, “Wonderhoy!” She finished by spreading her arms and jumping, with a smile plastered across her face.
Tsukasa sighed in relief. “I’m glad to hear it. But maybe you should just let the producers create the effects, Emu. It’s safer than falling from the sky.”
“No! I’m going to get it. I have to do it again anyway, so this is good practice!”
“This is the fourth time you’ve fallen today. Maybe we could practice together outside of this scene?”
“But the crash sounds are super duper realistic!”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re going to hurt yourself!”
“I haven’t yet!”
“Emu, please.”
“Emu, please try again?”
“No! We haven’t even gotten through this take yet, and the footage is unusable because you swore! Honestly, what am I going to do with you?”
“Help me get back up so I can practice falling again?”
Tsukasa just facepalmed.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
Tsukasa looked through his script, trying to memorize his lines, which was difficult because Emu was flopped over on the table in front of him, bemoaning her lost spinal capabilities.
“I can’t-” she sniffled, “I can’t have my spine juice anymore! I need to get it juiced and give it to someone!”
“That’s nice, Emu.” Tsukasa sighed, resettling himself on his chair and trying to figure out which line he was on.
She pulled his script away in response, staring at him while upside down, tears forming in her eyes.
“That’s so not wonderhoy, Tsukasa!”
“I’m not going to hold a funeral for your spine. And I’m definitely not going to help you donate your pulpy spinal fluid and get arrested while I’m at it.”
Emu flipped right side up and pointed an accusing finger towards him. “Tsukasa Tenma, you are the least kira kira, doki doki, mochi mochi, puyo puyo, waku waku, washoi person I’ve ever met!”
Tsukasa just stared at her. “How do you even say that, with a straight face no less?”
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“Now say it with me!” Emu cheered, bouncing on her toes, no spinal deficits to be seen. “One, two, wonderhoy!”
“Wonder-help me.” Tsukasa refused to match her energy. As the least kira kira, doki doki, mochi mochi, puyo puyo, waku waku, washoi person Emu had ever met, a thought that was very hard to have without feeling self-conscious, he had no responsibility to make her feel happy.
“Tsukasa! You’re such a meanie.” Emu stuck her tongue out. “Let’s try again! One, two, wonderhoy!”
“Maybe the real wonderhell was the friends we made along the way.”
“You can’t say that! Wonderhoy isn’t supposed to be used like that! Tsukasa, wonderhoy is-'' She cut herself off, hearing footsteps. Tsukasa looked in her direction as she ran off towards them.
“One, two, WONDERHOY!” Emu cheered, causing one girl to scream, and the boy with her to laugh knowingly.
“Emu, good to see you again!” Rui said, holding Nene from where she jumped back against him, who tried to wriggle out of his grasp.
“You too, Rui! How did the pictures go?”
Nene’s expression became stormy.
“They went well for me, naturally photogenic as I am, but for Nene…” He trailed off, giving her a meaningful look.
“Oh no! Nene, did the camera do something? I’ll solve it! We need to get you the most fantastic picture ever!”
“It’s not something like that, I’m afraid.”
“Oh, then what is it?”
Nene finally managed to shove Rui off of her.
“Emu, what’s your card title? For the picture you took?” Nene’s expression still seemed frustrated, but mildly hopeful.
“Oh! Mine is ‘Hyper★Positive’!” Rui managed to keep a straight face, but both Nene and Tsukasa, who had just jogged up, were clearly confused. Nene shook it off after a moment, turning towards the latter.
“Tsukasa, what was your card name?”
Tsukasa struck a dramatic pose. “Headed for Stardom! Which I most certainly am!”
Nene rolled her eyes. “Even this one gets a good card name?”
“Wh- hey! Oh, wait, that was a compliment. Wait, what do you mean ‘this one’?”
“Nene, it’s really not that bad.” Rui tried to step in and calm everyone down.
“Not that bad? Yeah, no shit, Mr. Carefree Prodigy! It’s not like you have ‘Sharp-Tongued and Unsociable’ as your card name. What kind of name is that?”
“An accurate one?” Tsukasa volunteered, his helpfulness rewarded by one of Nene’s death glares.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“This classroom seems familiar, as if I’d been here before.” Ichika tried to keep her voice steady and remember her lines. “Ah, that’s right. I dreamt about meeting Miku here.” A smile spread across her face at the thought. She had joined this project because of Hatsune Miku after all.
Miku popped out from behind a door just as she said that. Speak of the devil and she shall appear. Wait, no! Miku was an angel, not a devil!
“There you are at last! You sure kept me waiting!”
“Hatsune Miku?” Ichika exclaimed.
“In the flesh. Or not. I don’t know.” Miku frowned, furrowing her brow. “How do Virtual Singers work again? Or SEKAI?”
“Saki, why aren’t you freaking out? Hatsune Miku! Right here- oh wait.”
Saki giggled good naturedly. “I like vFlower more. But if I had to choose someone here, it would be Luka.”
A voice from off-camera called out, “Thanks, Saki! Love you too!”
“Honami, who do you like?” Both girls turned to Honami.
“Oh, um, I like GUMI.” Honami clasped her hands behind her back. “Shiho, who’s your favorite Vocaloid?”
“Len.”
“Wait, Len?”
“Yes.”
Len appeared from the doorway, pumping his fists. “Suck it Miku, I’m the favorite!”
“You’re not even supposed to be here! Go back to the street!”
“Nope, I’m choosing to be educated now! Specifically in the art of guitar smashing!”
“That’s my class, not yours!”
“Oh, to be young.” Luka sighed wistfully.
“You’re barely older than I am!”
“Just call her a grandma. It’s easier, Miku.”
“Len, I will hit you with my bass if you aren’t gone in the next ten seconds.”
“Yes, ma’am.” With that, Len gulped and dashed away.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
Kanade stood in SEKAI, which was eerily empty. The set designers truly were incredible.
“Where…” Her voice felt small, tiny, in this big space. “I thought I was in my room.”
A voice echoed from everywhere, and Kanade instinctively turned to find where it was coming from. “Kanade, this is SEKAI, another world.”
“Wha…who- ahhhh!” Kanade turned again, and stepped on her hair, leading her to tumble over. “Crumpets!”
Miku appeared next to her. “Crumpets?”
“I’m trying not to swear.”
“It might stop the pain.”
“No, I can’t swear.”
“Do you need to be helped up?” Miku knelt next to her, offering a hand.
“I’ll be fine, but thank you. It’s just my hair.”
“Your hair?”
“I tripped.”
“I thought you were used to your hair?”
“Usually I can wear it up, but apparently my character doesn’t have the energy to do that, so instead I have to put energy into not tripping over it every waking moment.”
“That doesn’t sound fun.”
“Later I’ll have to dance in heels.”
Miku winced.
“Do you think it’s too late to renegotiate my contract?”
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“He’s a Samoyed! All Samoyeds are large and fluffy!” Minori held Samo’s leash loosely, trying to help him act naturally.
Toya kneeled down, petting him. “Yes, his fur is soft and fluffy. He’s a cute dog.”
Akito stared at the dog warily, keeping himself away, hands shoved into his pockets but clearly tense.
After a couple moments, Minori broke the silence. “Samo, we have to go now.” She looked at Akito. “I’m so sorry he scared you like that!” She clasped her hands in front of her chest, accidentally letting go of the leash.
“Y-Yeah, don’t worry about it. I was just caught off guard, that’s all.” Akito’s voice broke as he said his lines, starting to shake.
Toya looked at him concernedly. “Akito, are you okay?”
“Yeah, totally,” he said unconvincingly.
Toya just stared at him.
“Shut up Aoyagi! So maybe I want to pet the fucking dog! Why do I have to have a scene where I just have to watch you two have fun? It’s fucking unfair is what it is!”
Samo barked, jumping up to tackle Akito and lick his face. He fell backwards, hands bracing himself against the floor while Samo sighed contentedly on his chest.
“Still jealous?” Toya raised an eyebrow.
“Fuck off, I’m adopting him.”
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“Ena, is this really necessary?” Mafuyu sighed.
“Yes, it is.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” Ena bit out. “It is very important to me, and if I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
“Well I’m regretting agreeing to carry this for you,” Mizuki groaned, carrying a pail. “What did you fill these balloons with, concrete?”
“I should have.”
“Ena, no.” Mafuyu would have massaged her forehead in preparation for the burgeoning headache if not for the stepladder she was carrying.
“I’d recruit Airi for that, not you guys.”
“That actually scares me more.” Mizuki gave a dramatic shudder.
“We’re here!” Ena announced, throwing Akito’s dressing room door open.
“He’ll notice that the door was opened, Ena.” Mafuyu said. “You know that, right?”
“It’s my brother. Of course he won’t notice.”
“I didn’t know you two had the same number of brain cells,” Mafuyu mused. “The wonders of having a sibling.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing!”
“I don’t believe you, but I’m going to ignore that. Stepladder, please.”
“It’s not the stepladder, it’s the ladder that stepped up!” Mizuki chastised. “Get it right, Ena.”
“It will be the ladder that threw you down, Mizuki.”
“Aren’t you supposed to throw up?”
“If you never speak again, I’ll be the happiest girl on Earth.”
“Sounds like a you problem.”
Mafuyu set up the stepladder, ignoring the banter of her group mates. She didn’t know how she was roped into this, but at least she wouldn’t be seen as likely to do it.
“Mizuki, the bucket?” She asked, hand outstretched.
“Oh, yeah!” Mafuyu leaned down to grab the pail, and Mizuki held onto the ladder to steady it once they were no longer holding the pail.
Ena meanwhile busied herself with finding a good camera angle for her phone.
“Do you really need to do that? Thought you wanted your brother to look bad.” Mizuki questioned.
“Yeah, but if it’s dark I won’t be able to laugh properly at his stupid face.”
“Just grab a giant spotlight and blind him when he enters his room.” Mafuyu cut in. “He won’t see that coming.”
“Mafuyu, was that a pun?” Mizuki grinned slyly.
“No.”
“I will corrupt you. You can’t escape it. Don’t try to fight it.”
“Mizuki, don’t corrupt Mafuyu, you’ve already corrupted Kanade.” Ena sighed.
“No, she was already like that. It’s not my fault.”
“It absolutely is your fault!”
“What, is everything my fault?”
“Yes!”
“Wait, so I assassinated Julius Caesar? Let’s go!”
Mafuyu stepped down from the ladder, bucket in place. “My part of the work is done.”
Ena finally got the camera in a suitable position. “Mine too.”
“Ena, Ena, Ena, hey!” Mizuki rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet.
“What?” Ena whirled on Mizuki.
“You should add a dog filter.”
“Why would I-“ Ena threw up her hands. “No.”
“But it would be funny!”
“I’m not adding a dog filter!”
“A cat filter then?”
Ena groaned.
“What is a dog filter?” Mafuyu asked, leaning on her folded stepladder.
“You don’t know what filters are?” Ena’s eyes widened in shock.
“I know what filters in general are, but I haven’t heard of a dog filter.”
Mizuki gasped in excitement. “You, me, my dressing room, now. I am going to teach you everything you need to know about filters!” They grabbed Mafuyu’s hand and ran out the door, and Ena began to follow, not wanting to be left out of a crucial part of Mafuyu’s education.
Unfortunately, Mizuki hit the door by accident when leaving and the bucket tipped over, sending water balloons falling onto Ena.
“Mizuki!” The soaked girl screamed, fists clenched at her sides. “You made me wet!”
“That’s what she said!” They called down the hallway.
“Fucking die!”
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
Shizuku burst into More More Jump’s break room and promptly tripped on air.
“Shizuku?” Airi leapt from her seat, immediately helping her up. “Are you okay? You really need to be more careful.”
“So much for ‘Tsundere girl Airi’,” Haruka remarked, calmly sipping her tea. “Are we going to get a yandere girl instead?”
“I will poison your tea, I swear to Miku.”
“Oh really?”
“Try me, bitch.”
Shizuku tried to break up the tension. “Um…Airi…You can stop holding me.”
“Eh?” Airi immediately dropped her, blushing furiously.
A dull thud echoed through the room. “Ow.”
“Fuck shit I am so sorry- Haruka stop laughing! I’ll fucking dropkick you into the sun, I swear.”
“I have the choreography!” Shizuku held up some papers with one hand, still on the floor.
“Finally!” Airi cheered, attention no longer on Haruka.
“I was thinking we could practice the dance,” Shizuku maneuvered herself into a sitting position, “if that’s okay with you guys.”
“Isn’t Minori busy with a scene? Shouldn't we wait for her?” Haruka questioned.
Airi took the papers from Shizuku, skimming through them. “It’ll be fine! Besides, we’re supposed to be more experienced, what’s the harm in getting some extra practice in?”
“You do make a good point.”
Airi sighed. “We need five people for this dance, and I don’t want to have to keep rethinking my blocking.”
“Kidnapping?” Haruka locked eyes with Airi.
“Kidnapping.” She nodded back.
“Guys, kidnapping isn’t good!” But Shizuku found herself being dragged along all the same.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“And then Luka kicked me off the set! Now where am I supposed to go?” Len fake-cried into Kaito’s shoulder.
“There, there.” Kaito rubbed his back soothingly. “I’m sorry to hear that happened, but unfortunately-“
“You have a skill issue.” Rin cut in.
“Rin! Don’t say that to him!”
“He got kicked off the streets and out of school. That’s a skill issue.”
“Your face is a skill issue!”
“We have the same face, idiot!”
“At least my face came first! You’re just a copycat!”
“Well everyone here thinks I was born first, so really-“
“Guys, there’s really no need for this.” Kaito tried to stand between them. “You both have skill issues and are equal.”
They both turned on him, glaring.
“That came out wrong- please don’t hurt me!”
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“Perfect targets?” Haruka glanced at the trio, and then back at Airi.
“Guys, we really shouldn’t be kidnap-“ Shizuku was cut off by Airi’s hand over her mouth.
“The best.”
They stalked towards their prey, a protesting Shizuku in tow.
“Wave to seem non-threatening,” Airi whispered. “Otherwise they’ll run.”
“By they, I’m guessing you mean Kaito?”
“Obviously!”
They approached the trio with fake smiles and polite waves.
“If you guys are auditioning for one of those modeling shows, you won’t pass the first screening.” Len deadpanned.
“Okay, listen here, wannabe banana bitch,” Airi snapped, “I was going to be nice and come here with a proposition but-“
“Proposition? Like a proposal? That has a nice ring to it.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
Haruka sighed, walking away from the group to whisper something in Rin’s ear. She squealed and then turned to Len, who just crossed his arms.
“And why would I do this?”
“You can finally bully Minori instead of just failing at making short jokes because they’re just not up to scratch.” Haruka braced herself for the oncoming backlash.
“Why the hell do I keep getting roasted? Should have just stayed on the cooking show, would have been better.”
“So…?”
“Yeah, fine, whatever.” He grabbed Kaito’s arm. “Ready whenever you are.”
Rin grabbed his other arm.
“Ready for what?” Kaito’s eyes darted between the two, confused.
They broke into identical smiles, and immediately ran off, Kaito being dragged behind.
“I am not team dad, I’m getting a divorce, I’m not doing this, someone help!”
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
“Hello, everyone, and welcome to Crase Cafe!” An waved at her phone. “Here with me, I have Kohane and Meiko!”
“Hello, everyone! It’s lovely to see you here at the cafe!” Meiko gave a sweeping arm gesture to show off the rest of the set.
“Um, hi!” Kohane meekly waved before ducking behind An.
“Okay, anyway, for the cafe’s grand opening, we wanted to teach you all how to make a simple dish! Meiko, our super chef, what is this dish?”
“An, you didn’t tell me about this.”
“Yeah, but you’re great at cooking, right? I mean, you own a cafe!”
“In the show, An. Not in real life.”
“But you know how to cook.”
Meiko didn’t respond, looking away from both An and the camera.
“You don’t know how to cook?” An’s voice held more than a tinge of disbelief.
“Not all of us need to be able to cook perfectly, An.”
“Can you make eggs?” Kohane asked.
There was a pregnant pause.
“Eggs? You don’t know how to make eggs?” An doubled over laughing.
“I don’t need to.” Meiko frowned.
“What do you eat then?”
“Ramen, energy drinks, coffee, sometimes toast if I’m in the mood for it.”
“Wait, you eat ramen without eggs? What kind of monster are you?” An pretended to faint against the counter.
“I can teach you how to make eggs if you want.” Kohane offered.
Meiko tried to keep her composure. “Thank you, that would be ver-“
“Wait, can you make cereal, or do you not know how?”
“Why would I not know how to make cereal?”
“You don’t know how to make eggs!”
“That’s different.”
“Oh really? How?”
“It- Eggs and cereal are very different things.”
“I bet you don’t know how to make cereal. Bet you’re just chickening out.”
Meiko pinched her nose. “An-“
“Bawk bagawk! Chicken!”
“Oh my-“ Meiko grabbed a cereal box, setting it hard on the counter, and a bowl to go with it. She then swooped to the fridge, pulling something out of it.
“Orange juice,” she dumped some on the counter, “cereal,” she added some on top, “and then the bowl.” She slammed that on top of the mess and stalked off.
An fell onto the floor crying with laughter, leaving Kohane to stare in bewilderment at the culinary masterpiece that had been left behind.