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Louis was the light in every room. At least that's how Harry saw him. He was the light that found its way into even the darkest corners of every room. He was the man at the vending machine at work or by the water cooler always cracking jokes and smiling. Everyone around him felt better, lived better. He just made everything around him worth it again.
That's why when he left Harry's side 6 years ago for “better opportunities” Harry's whole life fell apart. Everyone noticed his change in appearance. He lacked effort in his outfits and hair coming to the office looking unprofessional and like he haven't slept for years. For the first month they comforted him until they all decided to get together and help him get his life straight. And he did, he started dressing better learning to dress for himself and he took enough sleeping pills to pass out a whole forest of animals. But the pills only lasted so long and then Harry had trouble sleeping again. To work he was shielded and wore his clothes professionally. He never joked around anymore he did his business with a cold stare and blank eyes and then went home where the straight face turned into a frown and he took off the makeup concealing his under eyes and the black bags welcomed themselves home.
He remembered the morning perfectly. Usually Louis’ arms were around him when he woke up, snuggling him tightly. His nose pressed to the back of Harry's head or in his shoulder blade. He woke up cold and tense. The morning sun burning his eyes. The usual feeling of joy for the sunshine gone completely. He wasn't worried that Louis wasn't there he simply assumed he was downstairs already, maybe getting a head start on the day.
Harry remembered his feet feeling the cold wooden floor of their shared apartment. They bought it straight out of high school, they saved enough money from when they were no older than 10 to when they both turned 18, Louis 20 and they bought an apartment. They always said they would move in together.
He remembered the feeling of the cold railing, the house felt oddly empty and chilly but his optimistic past self didn't know any better as he walked into the kitchen the note going initially unnoticed as he got himself a glass of water. It felt like he was going in slow motion when he turned around and saw the note. A little white box on top with a red bow. He slowly approached it his need for water suddenly set aside on the table as he sat down very sloppy moving the box and picking up the note.
It was folded with Louis’ name swirled on it with black hard ink. Harry let his fingers pick at the edges as his nerves rose. Maybe it was good maybe it was an early birthday gift. Maybe it wasn't bad. Then why did he feel like he was going to throw up? Wouldn't Louis want to hand him a gift? His nerves pushed up his throat and pricked at his eyes. His coughing filled the empty room, the empty house.
He finger peeled the paper apart opening it up and using his fist to smooth out the crinkles. The handwriting was sloppy and some of the ink was running and smudging the words. Almost as if Louis was crying while writing it. Harry sucked in a breath letting his eyes rest on the first words of the letter that would ruin his life.
Dear Harry,
Hi babe, good morning my love. My best friend all things good in the world. This is going to be hard for me to write. So hard Harry. I want to start off with apologizing for any tear tracks on the page.
I've known you my whole life. We have done absolutely everything together and as much as I hate to say this I think, at least personally, we need to take a break. I don't know how long or for what reasons yet I just know this is what I need to be happy. I love you Harry. I absolutely adore the earth you walk on but I think I need to learn to adore the earth under my own feet. Is not your fault I don't want you to think it's your fault. I just need to find myself and I need to do it alone.
I will always love you even if we are apart for 50 years you'll still be my first love, my bestfriend my soulmate. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you. I know it's cruel I know it's the crappiest way to go. I just want to let you know if you find somebody, somebody better than me, someone who has their life figured out and their identity in place, go with them you deserve them. I never deserved you Harry. As much as I love you I ruined you in holding you back because I don't know myself anymore and I'm not going to do that to you anymore. I want you to be free. Free of me.
All the love in the world,
Your best friend, Louis Tomlinson
Harry blinked and flipped it over hoping it was a joke and Louis wrote a funnier note on the back about how he just ran to the grocery store. He hoped Louis would jump out from behind the door laughing his head off about how Harry's face was priceless. But the back of the note was empty and he wasn't hiding behind the door and Harry just felt empty enough to crack under even the slightest pressure.
His fingers touched the red ribbon and dragged the small box over to himself. He stared down at unopened box. He bought Harry a damn piece of jewelry in exchange for his presence. He felt anger towards the small box. The red ribbon like poison on top of the stainless white. He picked it up and debated on throwing it against the wall, maybe straight in the garbage.
He let it sit there as the clock behind him ticked in the silence. Apparently time was now the only constant in his life. His boyfriend completely left him for no real reason. He wasn't slowing Harry down. He could've found himself here, with Harry. How could you leave someone you love.
He didn't noticed the tears streaming down his face until the bright red ribbon turned a darker shade with each splash adding to the river. He pulled the ribbon off hating the fact that he was watching his own tears soak it to the bone.
The ribbon laid flat on the table swirling around the box as the pure whiteness shined back at Harry. His elbows sat now on the tabletop and he rested his head in his hands. His fingers scratched at the back of his head as he stared at the box. He felt like he was opening the last of Louis Tomlinson. Would he ever even see him again, hear from him? Did it even matter at this point? He was gone, he didn't love Harry enough to stay.
He slowly with one hand lifted the lid off the box throwing it up viscously against the wall. He moved the excess out of the way and necklace glistened back at him under the string beams of the sun. It truly was a beautiful day outside, bright and sunny with a slight breeze the perfect weather to walk with a loved one making jokes and kicking rocks along the narrow sidewalk. Your shoulders touching lightly as you walked with light smiles.
He lifted the necklace carefully. It swirled in the light and glistened heavily, it glistened more than Harry has ever seen a piece of jewelry shine. Maybe it was his tears or his cloudy mind but it was shining brighter than the sun in his small white kitchen.
It was a key, a simple key that looked like it belonged to a matching set. A heart or a lock perhaps. Louis probably had it tucked away somewhere in his pocket where no one could see. He never liked jewelry.
He examined it and saw it was engraved on the body of the key. I’ll see you someday. He shook his head the words swirling around in his mind. Someday? When was someday? Tomorrow? Next year? 30 years from now?
Harry unhinged the necklace and put it around his neck. It felt odd there like it didn't belong. It felt heavy as it sat on his chest rising and falling rapidly with his uneven breaths. The last thing remembered from that morning was crying at that damn table and then turning to their or well his liquor cabinet and drowning himself in his own abyss of sadness for the rest of the day.
*****
Present Day
6 years later
He started everyday waking up cold. A night of restless sleep missing arms that felt like a fever dream now. Like ghost always in the back of his mind tapping shoulder just when he was about to fall asleep with a devious smiling saying remember me. And that was if another restless night for Harry.
He turned to makeup concealing the ever growing bags under his eyes and pulled on a black suit to go to his office job. He was an accountant a boring accountant. He made enough money to buy a new house but he simply couldn't leave the apartment. His mother came by once about three years ago and told him that Louis wasn't coming back and he was crazy to stay here because apparently it was killing him slowly.
He almost liked the pain though. He would sometimes go back in time like a vivid flashback of Louis cooking breakfast or running up the stairs. Sometimes he sat in their bed smiling at him and patting the empty space beside him.
For the first year he set up a bowl of cereal every morning for over three months until his mother started monitoring his grocery a and would throw up Louis’ favorite cereal every time, scolding him for being delusional.
He buttoned up his suit in the mirror and plastered a fake smile on. His job was only a block away. He picked the location so neither of them would be late to work. Harry was never late to work. No matter what was going on in his life he never missed a day or came in late and that was his greatest accomplishment of the last 6 years.
He ran down the stairs not touching the railing. He never touched the railing anymore even when he was drunk, something he was a lot he crawled up the stairs. The bitter cold of it sent chills down his spine. His life was like an obstacle course now. He ended up throwing that wooden table in the garbage and buying a new one. He cut it in half first though. Louis and him purchased that together and carved their names on the bottom. Harry had his friend cut it in half so he could keep the carving. He told everyone it was a personal thing because their last names were on it and identity theft and all the lies he told when people asked but everyone knew he just couldn't bear losing every last bit of Louis he had tucked inside his apartment.
He was at the door of his building when he stopped muttering things about broken tables and hearts. He walked inside and the smell of paper met his nose. He took the stairs every morning the elevator scared him it creeped and shook way too much and this building was way too old.
The stairs were cold and ran up them the necklace around his neck bobbing up and down smacking on his chest as he ran. He owned the door for floor three quickly and slowed as he walked inside, putting on a calm face as he turned left and then right to his companies section of the building.
He was the head accountant and had his own private office. He got promoted three years ago when his mother pushed him to go back to his boring job and continue with his life as if Louis Tomlinson never happened. So he did and he almost growled as he walked past hellos and smiles as he made his way to his large office. His leather chair greeting him warmly. He sighed as he sat in it and it rocked back and forth with his wait.
He sat looking out the window at the London view and he scratched the top of his head. He always looked out watching people walking by or flying in airplanes or zooming past in cars. Wondering where they were going. Maybe to a loved one. Perhaps they were running away tears streaming silently down their faces. Maybe they were leaving their boyfriend with a twisted smile and shallow blue eyes that weren't sparkling at all that day. Some were coming to see him. To work his math magic and figure out what the hell they did wrong and getting paid to point out other's problems. His position was to just work with the unworkable people. The people just as bitter as him. He love every minute of seeing their grumpy faces turn bitter from his intelligence and their lack of.
He watched as a heavy set man basically wobbled to the door. In a heavy suit. His name was Patrick he was a common client of Harry's. Always screwing up his own numbers or check book or anything that had a number in it and rushing in to him with a grown puppy dog look and whatever he made for lunch on his sweater.
As Harry flicked a pencil off his desk he wondered if the man could remembered his address? Phone number? Numbers any sort of number seemed to confuse the man it made Harry's eyes roll into the back of his head as he waited for the men to come running in out of breath and probably sweating.
He scribbled his last name on a post-it until he heard a knock on his door. He cleared his throat. Allowing himself one more eye roll until he put on a sweet voice and a smile.
“Come in.”
Almost as perfectly as he predicted Patrick came in sweaty and shook Harry’s hand his hairy knuckles felt gross and sweaty under Harry's fingers.
“What brings you in today Patrick?”
The man sat down as Harry stored a pencil behind his ear. He let random hairs curl underneath it as Patrick huffed.
“I just keep screwing it all up. My checkbook is an absolute mess. I know you taught me how but I still mess it up.”
He held the leather book to his chest with a sad expression. Harry smiled softly at the overgrown toddler and let his hands pat the top of the desk.
“Leave it with me.”
He smiled thanking Harry a billion and six times as he backed out of the office bumping into a woman with a briefcase who scowled at him before he trotted away. Harry spun in his chair and let his eyes set on the pile of numbers waiting to be crunched.
He let his mind race with formulas and the sound of his fingers punching the keys of the calculator almost soothed him. To sit there with one steady task. One constant formula he felt almost at ease. But blue eyes and laughter always pushed through no matter how many years they were apart.
His phone buzzed signaling it was 10am and he needed a coffee. He stopped the buzzing and slipped his phone into his pocket. The trip down the stairs to the main floor was rushed as usual and by this time no one was on line for coffee, to indulged in their own work to bother with a simple thing like coffee. Harry liked the limited communication just a good morning and a smile to the man behind the counter.
Harry opened the door roughly and two heads turned his way. The bored brown eyes of Ralph and a shimmering blue Harry never thought he'd see again. He stopped dead and felt like all the air was punched out of him. Like he was flying and falling and being flung like a rag doll. The the goldfish that the bratty kid won at the carnival and shook until it rolled over, belly up. He wasn't surprised that he had to lean up against the wall. He felt dizzy emotions scattering everywhere. One name racing through his mind. Louis.
Ralph behind the counter moved quickly to his side. Touching his forehead lightly. And waving his hands in front of Harry's face.
“Mr.Styles! Are you alright? You look about ready to pass out.”
Harry watched at the eyes walked away once again smiling softly at him as he leaned up against the wall. Was he just imagining him? In white scrubs. He couldn't. He knew those eyes in person and they were walking away from him as Ralph helped him steady.
“Louis.”
He whispered it as the door closed on the all white figure. He squinted and read the small sign on the door. Tomlinson Pediatrics.
Harry lightly pushed Ralph off thanking him. Ralph guided him easily to a table and sat down beside him.
“Do you need me to call your boss Harry?”
Harry shook his head pointing to the door. The door with Louis’ last name engraved on it in pretty script. Pretty golden script that reminded Harry of Louis’ hair laying on the pillow, a golden brown in the rays of sunshine.
“Do you. Do you know who that man is?”
Ralph shook his head. Honestly confused at Harry's question.
“Mr.Tomlinson is a new pediatrician in the building his whole firm took over. Do you know him?”
Harry shook his head and stood up.
“No I have never met him in my life.”
He walked towards the door with the golden swirls as Ralph tried to point him to the elevator telling him his job was upstairs, that he was going to call his boss because he wasn't okay. Harry just waved him off as he walked into the office.
The cold doorknob shot a pulse of images through his brain. He closed his eyes feeling a pain in his head as he turned the knob blinking away any tears and putting on his smile for whoever was inside the office.
He walked in and around a few toddlers who were playing with toys or their own snot. He approached the front desk a young girl smiled at him. He simply smiled back drumming his fingers on the counter in anticipation.
“How may I help you sir?”
“I need to see Mr.Tomlinson. As soon as possible.”
She frowned scrolling through her computer. She looked back at him confused as she glanced between him and the computer screen multiple times.
“He's busy all day. You can make an appointment for tomorrow for your child.”
Harry gripped the desk. He tried to contain his anger. Holding it in for Louis all for Louis because anything he ever did was with Louis in mind.
“I don't have a child. I personally need to see Louis.”
“Who are you exactly you seem a little old to be at a pediatrician.”
Harry could've growled and snapped every pencil the the desk in half just by looking at them but he set his gaze behind the girl's head on a mirror that reflected his image. He looked frightening.
“Can you please just tell me when he gets off of work?”
She nodded. Scrolling back through her computer as if she didn't know what fucking time the office closed.
“He has a half day today. Something personal about meeting an old friend or boyfriend or something. He gets off at 1:30.”
Harry whispered his thanks and took a seat in the back corner. He felt like he was in one of those movies where they fast forward the scenes of the actor just sitting there waiting,waiting,waiting. People and children moving quickly in and out of the office.
When 1:25 rolled around Harry watched the door intently. At 1:27 it opened and the feathery hair walked out. The women called him over quickly as Harry stood up, just watching as she pointed to him and Louis turned around with a smile.
His smile dropped quickly as Harry moved towards him as he moved closer to the door. Before his eyes Louis ran out of his office with Harry hot on his heels.
“Stop running from me Louis. You can't keep running forever.”
They passed by Ralph and Harry slowed down as Louis pushed through the door. The key on his chest flopped around, feeling warm from his excitement as he rammed the door. Louis stood on the side of the building panting. He side eyed Harry who leaned up against the wall beside him both of them just staring at the street.
“So you're a pediatrician?”
Louis nodded still panting but now with a small smirk on his face.
“Still playing with numbers?”
Harry let out a bitter laugh. Not really liking his already sarcastic tone when they both knew the conversation deserved to be mature and meaningful.
“Still playing with people's feelings?”
That shut Louis up as he pushed off the wall so he was in front of Louis’ small panting form. The glisten of the necklace on Louis’ neck match his own. For the hundredth time Harry blinked away the images of white and red as he looked at Louis, he looked so much older. A beard forming nicely. Harry changed as well he could see Louis studying him just as intently.
“You grew into your lips Harry.”
“You cut your hair.”
“You grew yours out.”
Harry stood silently as Louis coughed to pass the awkward silence. The brick wall looked so interesting now from Harry's point of view. And the street from Louis.
“I'm not here to beat around the bush. I'm not going to press you up against the wall and hold a knife to your neck until you tell me what I want to hear. I just want to know why. Why did you do that to me?”
Louis’ eyes could meet his and Harry searched his face for any sort of emotion but his shielded eyes.
“Why did I do what Harry?”
Harry could've punched a hole in the bricks behind Louis’ head. Why did he have to be like that why did he have to play with his feelings and his mind.
“You left me.”
Louis looked up now tear filled eyes mimicking Harry's own as Harry continued on to say what had been clawing inside his heart for years.
“You left me Louis. With no goodbye. I called you every single day sometimes twice a day for a while fucking year. The worst part was when you finally picked up it wasn't you at all! It was just some random girl who thought you were my dead husband who I called every once and while on special occasions and she had just gotten that new number that morning. She didn't know a Louis Tomlinson. You got a whole new number so you wouldn't have to talk to me. You shut me out completely. You left me with nothing. You took absolutely everything from me. You destroyed me Louis Tomlinson. You destroyed me and now I'm destroying myself because i'm still head over heels in love with you.”
Louis looked up the look of a gasp on his face. No gasp came no words came just a few blinks and a tear that Harry eagerly rubbed away as he leaned one hand on the brick wall. Shielding Louis not from running but from the rest of the world. If he pushed and shoved Harry out of the way right now he would let him go.
“You still love me?”
Harry held his free hand over his heart and looked down at the ground. He felt everything for Louis. He always did but right now he felt everything all at once. 6 years of lost love pouring out of his pores under the buzzing street lamp.
“Of course I still love you. True love, the love that we had, stuff like that never goes away. You even promised me that.”
Harry dug into his coat pocket and pulled out the folded up, fragile paper. The key had been hanging from his neck. Louis watched it twirl slightly and lightly bounce against Harry's rising chest.
“Right here. In this damn letter you said you'd see me someday. You said even if it took fifty years. Well it's someday and it's only been six years.
Harry could feel Louis’ nerves pending off of his body. Pulsating through him and the air around him. He felt his energy from their stance just like that and for a moment Harry truly missed his touch. He remembered all the bitter cold and restless nights without those blue eyes or those magical hands around his waist or in his hair.
“Sometimes you fall out of love.”
He said it so quietly Harry almost asked him to repeat it. His heart didn't break it just felt numb like it stopped beating in that instance. As if every breath he was taking would be his last. Harry let one finger touch the chain around Louis’ neck. It was cold in the breeze and Harry's breath hit it perfectly as he pulled it out from under Louis’ shirt letting the heart with a space for a key fall on top of his chest. In swirled letters just like the door to his office the heart read : For someday
“You don't wear jewelry that reminds you someone you fell out of love with. Someone you left. You don't wear jewelry in general Louis. That's okay though I haven't taken mine off either. Not in six whole years. Not a day without you in my heart. On my chest, above my beating heart. I just wanted you in my arms again.”
Louis stayed silent but no Harry wasn't finished if anything he was just getting started.
“Have you had enough time away from me? Why are you back? Did you get bored of torturing me from afar and decided to come back and do it in person. Let me guess you're married?”
Louis shook his head quickly. Like a small child getting scolded for eating cookies before dinner time.
“It's not like that Harry.”
Harry huffed pounding the wall behind Louis head. He raised his voice slightly but still trying to desperately keep his temper inside.
“Then tell me what it's like Louis.”
Louis sighed touching his temples like a grandmother who was babysitting all her grandchildren under ten years old at the same time.
“Can we go back to our place?”
“We can go back to my place. It's my place, you don't live there anymore.”
And so they did Harry and Louis walking home from work just like six years ago. Except Harry was taller and broader and Louis had more facial hair and a sharper face.
“You got taller.”
Harry looked at him from the side as he shivered. Smiling at Harry like a polite teacher would when you pass them in the hallway.
“That happens Lou.”
Louis sighed his breath coming out as he shivered in his scrubs. He looked at Harry intently.
“Please lighten up. We can't talk if you're tense.”
Harry rolled his eyes and peeled off his jacket. He draped it over Louis’ shivering form as they waited for the light to turn so they could cross. Louis snuggled closer into the jacket smelling it.
“Better? And don't smell it! That's weird even for you.”
Harry poked his cheek like he used too and pulled back quickly embarrassed that he let himself slip. Louis fingers brushed his cheek. A blush creeping on his cheeks or maybe it was just the wind. Harry couldn't tell.
“Sorry. Old habits die hard I guess.”
He shrugged as they crossed the street side by side. They seemed to be walking closer than before as the walked down the block.
“Is Mrs.Ollie still alive?”
Harry looked towards the yellow. The old women that went by Mrs.Ollie or Olive to her friends, her close friends. Louis used to watch as she braided flowers into Harry's hair. A simple smile on his face and a kiss to his lips every once in awhile. Mrs.Ollie squeezing Louis’ cheeks and telling him she hoped she would be alive to see the day they got married.
“She died last year. Very sudden. She said she missed you though. I told her you were very happy. She smiled at that.”
Louis looked down the yellow house mirroring back at him as the passed it quickly images too hard to handle piling into both of their vacant minds.
“I can't believe I missed that.”
Harry nodded fumbling with his keys. If he closed his eyes he could've sworn it was a dream. A fever dream and when he woke up the eyes would be gone. He unlocked the door letting Louis’ in first.
“At lot can change in six years.”
Louis looked around the and a weird feeling set over him. It looked almost exactly the same. Everything had a place and everything was still in its place.
“Apparently interior design doesn't change in six years.”
Harry sat down on the couch. A brown leather piece that Louis picked out for the damn reclining ends. That he also secretly loved.
“I was waiting for year ten to roll by. I was supposed to move.”
Louis sat down. A sudden interest in Harry's words.
“Where were you thinking?”
“LA.”
Louis nodded picturing Harry. This Harry. This new and older Harry parading around LA. He could see it long hair in the sun and toned broad shoulders shown at all times. He would look good with a golden tan.
“So.”
Harry looked out of place his home morphing back with images of Louis running around while the older eyes sat in reality in front of him.
“Why?”
Louis played with his hands. A nervous habit he did. Causing heat and friction between the skin giving him a focus in his troubled mind.
“Harry.”
He placed his hand on Harry's knee. His jacket still around his shoulders hanging loosely over them.
“I need you to understand what I did was out of love. I was so head over heels in love with you I was stopping myself and you from achieving better opportunities.”
Harry sighed leaning closer to Louis. Flicking his necklace so it bobbed against his chest.
“I know this. You told me that already but why they way you did? Why no goodbye? Not even a final hug.”
“Harry you don't understand the night before I held you in my arms and I cried into your shoulder the thought of leaving you almost killed me.”
Harry shook his head thinking back to all the restless nights the absolute nightmares he had. The feeling of being held but waking up cold and bitter.
“Whatever you were feeling that night. Whatever emotions were inside you while you laid there and held me I have felt those emotions for six years. I haven't slept properly in years. I'm an absolute disaster. I realize I'm not a disaster without you I'm a disaster because I never got a goodbye, closure, anything to rest my soul.”
Louis rolled his eyes not meaning to and Harry to say the least was growing angry with the irritable antics Louis seemed to now posses. Maybe they did fall out of love. Could he possibly have grown into a man harry couldn't love anymore?
He took it all back when he looked back into his eyes and yet again melted. Maybe he just didn't like whoever this was in front of him but he definitely loved him. It was weird he couldn't be mad at him for leaving even thought he was incredibly mad. He still let him into his home and sat him on the couch and stared into his eyes like they held the future in them.
“Your soul? Who are you Shakespeare? I left because I needed to better myself for you! You had it all the looks the brains the job. Everyone knew you were going to make bank by being an account you could do formulas in your head in second that I couldn't do with a calculator in an hour. I felt like I was a burden. I'm sorry I was selfish and stupid. I'm sorry I wanted to better myself but look in here now it's not too late to start again.”
Harry couldn't believe his ears as he groaned out loud. Louis looked at him with a tilt to his his head that reminded Harry of a small dog being scolded.
“A burden? Really Louis? You are the farthest thing from a burden. I loved you then and I would've loved you even if we had to move out due to lack of money. Why didn't you tell me instead of running away? You don't run away from people you love.”
Louis stood up and moved towards the stairs, Harry followed with a questioning voice.
“Where are you going?”
Louis turned halfway up the stairs, holding onto the black railing as Harry looked up at him from the bottom. Like a scene out of Cinderella.
“Well I'm going to our room.”
He moved up the rest of the stairs and stopped at the door his hand ghosting the knob.
“You mean my room.”
Louis shook his head resting his hand now lightly on knob. He looked dead and unaware of anything but Harry's breathing and the cold doorknob.
“No Harry I mean our room. This is our room and this is our apartment and you are my Harry and why do you resent me for wanting it all back?”
He opened the door and walked into Harry's room. The bed was made carefully tucking the corner of Louis’ out just the way he liked it.
Harry walked in behind him and took a deep breath. The air rushing to his lungs clearing his head and forming a softer sentence.
“You walked out of this life. The minute you left this become my house. My room. I become my own self. None of this belongs to you anymore. You have to remember you walked out on me six years ago.”
Louis threw his hands up in the air waving them around like he was mocking a cop.
“Stop saying how many years it was. I know how many fucking years it was. I had to live through them too you know.”
He walked over to the desk scanning envelopes quickly. Harry held his breath as he ran his finger through a giant pile with Louis’ name on them.
“What are these?”
Harry walked over and pushed them further into the desk draw. He felt almost embarrassed. His cheeks tinting in the unlit room.
“Letters. Letters to you.”
“Why didn't you send them?”
Harry could've laughed he wanted to laugh but he could move a muscle. He just blinked at Louis for a while before letting the words spill out of his mouth.
“I didn't have an address to send them to.”
Louis looked down almost guilty as he moved to his side of Thebes and sat down.
“Why do you keep the apartment the way I liked it?”
Harry shrugged sitting on his own side of the bed. Their backs to each other and their directions on opposite walls.
“I liked to pretend you were still here. I set up your cereal every morning until my mom found out I was doing it and started monitoring my grocery shopping.”
Louis laughed and even Harry chuckled thinking about how silly it must've seemed from the outside looking in.
“I've missed your laugh Harry. Big and booming.”
Harry blushed and stared at the wall. Talking to Louis without looking at him. But feeling him, feeling him so damn close it physically hurt him.
“I've missed yours too.
They both sighed a untouched tension sat in the room. It felt like an open cut touching water for the first time. Like the hiss that pushes between your teeth.
“Can I ask one more question.”
Louis didn't answer. The awkward silence fell in the air again and Harry took it as an okay to talk.
“How did you feel not talking to me?”
Louis turned so his feet were on the bed. His socked feet almost touching Harry’s butt. Harry continued to stare at the wall as Louis talked to his back.
“Horrible. Absolutely horrendous. I went to school every day with that feeling you get when you want to show someone important something but then you realize they aren't there. Every good thing that happened to me. When I first got the laundry right or when I aced my test the first person I always wanted to tell was you but I knew that if I heard your voice, your broken fragile voice I would drop everything to come back to you and I wanted to one back with a future under my belt and extra cash in my pocket.”
Harry’s breathing was heavy and he couldn't really feel his legs so he couldn't spin around to face Louis he just stared at the wall.
“Are you staying in London again?”
Louis moved closer so he was on his knees behind Harry. His hands sitting patiently on his own thighs as he examined the back of Harry's head like it held all of his answers.
“I was hoping.”
He trailed off not really sure if he could ask. Harry filled in the blank for him after a moment.”
“You were hoping to stay here?”
Louis nodded and then realized Harry couldn't see him. He moved off the bed and in front of Harry. He leaned down resting on his knees in front of Harry. A position he was once accustomed to. For other reasons.
“I want to come home. I'm tired of being alone.”
Louis hands were on his knees and he was pouring up at him like it was normal to barge back into someone's life after six years and ask to come crawling back like nothing happened.
Louis moved his hands up his thigh further and smirked. Harry fidgeted under his touch. Louis’ innocent eyes turning dark under his stare.
“Please. I know you missed me. I've missed you. It's not too late to be together. I know I screwed up I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I put you through so much pain I never meant for any of that. Once I realized how stupid I was being I was too embarrassed to talk to you. I thought about you every single day you never left my mind or my heart I'm asking you. I'm begging you to please take me back. This is my home, you're my home.”
Harry ran his fingers through Louis’ hair watching it fall back into place as he went all the way back. For a moment he looked like younger Louis. Twenty year old Louis with big dreams and little money and maybe Harry could understand. Maybe he could let it go for right now so he could hold the love of his life again.
“You can stay.”
Louis stood up slightly so his eyes were level with Louis’ own. They shine brighter than Harry remembered.
“Really?”
“Really.”
Louis pushed forward and wrapped his arms around Harry, pushing him back into the bed giggles erupting out of his mouth as Harry even smiled wrapping his arms around Louis pulling him closer.
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
Louis kissed the side of his cheek and then blushed furiously. Harry smiled easily at him. For a moment all prior fights and arguments left his mind and his anger slipping out of him as he put his hand behind Louis’ head and brought his lips to his own.
A pulsating feeling shooting through both bodies, laying on eachother for support and any feel of a heartbeat. Louis smiled into the kiss and then started giggling as Harry pulled away poking his cheek.
“Old habits die hard.”