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V –
"And this," Evan muttered to McKay, "is why the colonel and I try to avoid going off-world together." Well, it was one of the reasons, anyway. But it was a key reason. A critically important one. He shrugged out of his tac vest – and it always felt wrong, so wrong, to do that off-world – set it aside, and shrugged into the robe McKay was holding out.
It was heavy as hell. What was the thing made of, metal-lined fur?
"Right, right," McKay said, smoothing the robe across Evan's shoulders. He moved to stand in front of Evan, looking at him critically. "This robe is too long for you."
"Gee, thanks, McKay, that's just what a guy wants to hear on his wedding day."
McKay frowned at him. "It falls nicely, though. It's obviously weighted with something."
Yeah, no shit. Maybe so the soon-to-be-married couldn't just hike it up and run off.
"And anyway, back to your earlier statement about not going off-world with Sheppard – is that some kind of joke? You can't expect me to believe that the people of the Pegasus Galaxy take one look at you and Sheppard, and can't resist marrying you off."
Evan rolled his eyes. "Believe what you want to believe."
McKay scoffed at him. "Oh sure, I'm going to believe your off-handed claim of a long and sordid history of eager villagers binding you and Sheppard in sweet, sweet matrimonial bliss. Because you're obviously just going to be so good together, and they can just see it." He held out the ceremonial wrist cuffs, one at a time, and watched as Evan fastened them. "Nice try, Major."
The thing is, apparently people really could see Evan and Sheppard being good together.
And it was starting to get a little old.
I –
"And," Teyla said, a somewhat brittle and overly bright smile fixed on her face, "as a recognition of the strength of the blood of the Ancestors that you both carry, the community leadership would like to perform a ceremony."
"Does that ceremony involve touching a bunch of old tech to see if it works?" Sheppard asked.
"It does not, John."
There was something in Teyla's tone that made the hairs on the back of Evan's neck stand up.
"Do we have to make, ah, a donation, of some sort?"
Teyla was alternating looking at Evan and Sheppard, and behind her, Ronon was definitely trying not to smirk.
Shit. This was going to be bad.
Shaking her head, Teyla said, "You do not."
"So…?"
"It is a ceremony that will bind you and Major Lorne together."
And there it was.
"Literally? With ropes or something?" Sheppard asked, frowning. "It better not be chains."
"No, John. It will be a spiritual binding. An…emotional one."
Evan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, he said, "It's a wedding, sir. Because they think we're genetically compatible."
"Precisely," Teyla said, nodding. "Though in this case, you will not be expected to produce offspring within the year."
"Well," Sheppard replied slowly after a moment, glancing at Evan, "that's good, I guess. We're both too busy for kids."
Hell yes, they were.
"It was a beautiful ceremony," one of the locals said to Evan after, dabbing at her eyes briefly. "You and your colonel are perfectly matched, it's obvious to all."
"Thanks," Evan said, holding out his bundle of flowers. They were pretty. They were fragrant. And they were interfering with his ability to quickly unholster his side-arm, if necessary. "I'm sure we'll be happy for years to come. Would you like these?"
The woman's eyes widened. "Truly?"
"Sure."
Reaching out to take the flowers, the woman smiled. "You are a wonderful person, Major Lorne. I foresee a long and fruitful friendship between our peoples. Now, don't let me keep you from your colonel any longer. You must be aching to go and stand by his side."
Evan let himself smile. "Oh yeah, I definitely am. Absolutely."
"Because he's so—" she clutched the flowers to her chest as she trailed off, her eyes going slightly unfocussed.
"So dreamy," Evan finished, because that was what she clearly wanted to hear. "He really is. The dreamiest. Those eyes, right?"
"Oh, yes. And he's very brave."
Evan nodded. No one would dispute that.
"I imagine he'll be a magnificent lover."
Looking across the room at Sheppard, who was holding his own bouquet of flowers and was surrounded by a small but growing crowd of admirers, Evan mentally inventoried the contents of his tac vest. Slowly. Then he did it again. "Oh, probably," he said, finally. "I'm sure my mind will be blown."
When Sheppard caught his eye, Evan nodded and started to move in his direction, prepared to perform an extraction.
II –
"I guess," Sheppard called over the sounds of some kind of energy weapons, "this is our battlefield wedding."
Evan shot two of the guys shooting at them, ducked behind a tree, and took a moment to be grateful Sheppard had insisted that their P90s were personally significant ceremonial weapons that they needed to keep by their sides, even in the height of a surprise solstice wedding ceremony. "Guess so," he called back.
Turns out surprise solstice wedding ceremonies might be prone to being crashed by surprise mystery guests with surprisingly effective energy weapons.
"Romantic, right?" Sheppard grinned at him, and he looked a little wild around the eyes. Evan was fairly certain it wasn't because those eyes had been lined with blue, faintly shimmering, paint.
"Oh, yeah," he said, thinking about the guy Sheppard had taken out just before he got the drop on Evan. "I'll treasure this moment in my heart forever, sir."
"Right back at you, Major," Sheppard said.
Then he hit the ground just in time for Evan to shoot another surprise guest right in the neck.
III –
"Colonel, Major," the officiant said, "we deeply appreciate that both of you could return to our community for this ceremony, despite your otherwise busy schedules."
Sheppard shrugged, the brief movement making the gold-embroidered neckline of his white linen wedding shirt glint in the low afternoon sunlight. "We aim to please," he said. "Right, Lorne?"
Evan looked down at their linked hands – Sheppard's fingers intertwined with his, a thick blue ribbon loosely wrapped around their wrists – and resolutely didn't think about how warm Sheppard's hands were. Instead, he wished he could let go briefly to scratch at the flower crown on his head. Turns out, some of these sacred flowers were full of thorns.
He wondered if they were digging into Sheppard's scalp too. "Absolutely," he said.
"It has been such a long time since two outsiders stood in the ancient temple and caused it to flare so brightly, demonstrating how they were marked by the divine love of the Ancestors," the officiant continued, smiling benevolently at them. "Truly, we had almost lost this tradition. Luckily, my grandmother spoke of it often when I was young, telling me the story of the ancient binding she had witnessed as a child. I always thought it sounded so beautiful."
Sheppard looked around them, nodding at the concentric circles of bright light along the floor of the temple, the fragrant and green decorative boughs that were hung on the walls, and the scattered flower petals that lined the path he and Evan had followed to the centre of the temple. "It's definitely beautiful; more so than any other wedding I've seen."
Evan nodded. It was also nice that they weren't getting shot at this time.
"Visually and spiritually beautiful," the officiant said. "And we have prepared a magnificent feast for this evening."
"Oh, I love a good feast," Sheppard said, grinning at the officiant and then at Evan, all teeth. "Did you know that, Lorne?"
"I did know that, sir," Evan said, evenly. "Me too. Who doesn't love a magnificent feast?"
The officiant beamed at them. "This is truly a wonderful day." He clapped his hands, and the musicians lining the chamber began to play.
IV –
"After the sacred dance performed by our most talented acolytes, you will demonstrate your union with a drink from the binding goblet, symbolizing that from this day forward, you will share all with each other."
Evan nodded. "Super. Sounds great."
The junior priestess – delegated to explain the stages of the ceremony to Evan as he was ritually anointed with an oil that frankly smelled like something that had been dead for three days – smiled at him. "We save our best wine for this occasion. I believe you will enjoy it."
That was always a bonus.
"You and Colonel Sheppard will then speak words from your hearts about what you mean to each other."
Ah, shit.
"Do not worry, Major," she said, gently. "The words can be simple, as long as they are meaningful. Perhaps you can reflect on shared activities that have brought the two of you joy, and in the process brought you closer together."
Right, of course. Evan could already imagine it, Sheppard heaping praise on Evan's reliability when it came to carrying adequate amounts of C4 and mounting efficient rescue missions, and Evan…maybe reflecting on Sheppard's ease with a gun and his determination to bring his people home.
"Whatever you say to each other will most certainly be romantic, a balm to each other's hearts and to all who hear your words," the priestess added.
Yeah. This was going to go great.
"The meal of blessing will follow," she said, before gesturing to one of her fellow priestesses. The woman in question unfurled a length of deep green cloth that Evan already knew was about to be wrapped around his otherwise naked waist. It was diaphanous, and even wrapped in layers around him, it would leave little to the imagination.
And there was absolutely no way he could hide some C4 in there, much less a P90 or even a sidearm.
He took a moment to consider whether Sheppard would be dressed in green too, and if the fabric would be just as flimsy. Then he shook the thought out of his head, focussing back on the priestess's words.
"You and Colonel Sheppard will then retire to the chamber that has been prepared for you, in order to seal your union." She winked at him, supervising as he was wrapped in the cloth. "The bed is cushioned by the finest feathers wrapped in layers of cloth. We will, of course, ensure no one disturbs the two of you until well after the sun rises."
"That's great," Evan said, wondering how they'd kill those hours this time, especially because they'd been told they wouldn't be permitted to bring any of their gear with them. He thought longingly about the playing cards he'd started carrying in his tac vest, just in case. Those cards had previously served them very well.
Maybe they'd just take turns sleeping. A feather bed sounded nice.
"And in the morning, we will provide you with the first shipment of the metal your people find so irresistible," she finished.
That naquadah – the purest they'd found in two galaxies – was enough to make everyone in Atlantis drool with excitement. And Evan had assured Dr. Weir that he'd do whatever was needed to help make ongoing trade happen, flimsy cloth and another wedding and the smells-like-dead-things-oil notwithstanding.
The priestess stepped back and looked Evan over. "You look perfect. I am certain Colonel Sheppard's legs will go weak with desire when he sees you. Do you not agree?"
"They'll go weak with something, ma'am." Evan smiled gamely. When she frowned at him, he hastily added, "Because green is definitely my colour."
"That is an indisputable statement," the priestess said, and started guiding him out of the room and towards the ceremonial chamber.
V (again) –
"You're not serious," McKay said, after Evan sketched out the details of each previous ceremony.
"I am," he said, squaring his shoulders and turning towards the door, the robe dragging on the ground around his feet. "How much longer before they come back?"
"I don't know. Five minutes, ten, I wasn't keeping track, because. Married. To Sheppard. Four times."
"About to be five."
McKay was uncharacteristically silent for several moments, and Evan wasn't an idiot. He knew what was coming.
"Have you—"
Evan looked over. "Have I what?" he asked, because he figured McKay could work for it, just a little bit.
"You know." McKay's hand moved in a way that was awkward and dirty at the same time. "Consummated the union? Once? Twice? Every time?" he continued, eventually.
"Oh yeah, McKay. We had wild, wild, married-bliss sex. Every. Single. Time. The colonel is a real freak in the sack. And a romantic, too. Totally a romantic. He likes to cuddle after. He likes to stick his nose under my ear and snuffle, and fall asleep like that."
"Seriously?"
Evan grinned tightly, staring at the door and wishing for it to open so McKay would stop asking questions. "No idea," he said, eventually.
"But—" McKay started.
And then the door opened.
Thankfully.
VI –
"Well. This is a first," Sheppard said, his words slightly muffled.
Evan shifted; the wooden bed was hard against his back, but Sheppard's hands were cupping his ass and holding him close, and that was a pretty great distraction. "Yep," he managed, and carefully rocked his hips upwards, just a little, even though that seemed maybe a bit…pushy.
But hell, Sheppard was mouthing at him through his BDUs, and how much was a guy supposed to be able to withstand?
Also, it seemed rude not to give Sheppard some kind of feedback.
"Just to be clear," Sheppard said, pulling away to look up at Evan, "Not a first-first. Just. A first."
Sheppard's pupils were blown, and his cheeks were flushed, and it was a damn good look on him. Sure, maybe he was a little incoherent, but Evan was feeling just a hint of incoherence himself, maybe, and his lips were numb, and whatever they'd breathed in as part of the Sacred Ceremony of New Friendship or whatever the fuck it had been called, was doing one hell of a number on both of them. "Understood, sir," he managed, and even though now his face felt kind of numb.
And so did his feet, for that matter.
Though his cock sure as shit wasn't numb at all.
"I mean," Sheppard said, sliding his hands out from under Evan's ass, and fumbling at his belt instead, "between us."
"Got it." Evan scraped one hand through Sheppard's hair, which was soft, softer than it should be, soft like feathers, or alien green cloth, or soft things from the planet Softness, which was definitely, one hundred percent, an actual place. Evan was sure of it.
"Because I've never sucked you off," Sheppard clarified, very seriously, sliding his hand inside Evan's BDUs. "Not once."
Shit, it felt better than it should, that hand on him, even through the cloth of his boxers, and apparently, whatever they'd breathed in was making Sheppard downright chatty. "Ah, yeah," Evan grated out. "I know that. Um. Sir."
"Even though I wanted to." Sheppard shifted, yanked Evan's BDU's down, and got his face right back between Evan's legs, mouthing at him again, insistent and thorough.
And oh fuck, it was good.
"Because, Major, you're a good looking guy," Sheppard continued. His voice was muffled again. "And I'm not just saying that because we got Pegasus Married. Four times over."
Then Evan's boxers were off, and Sheppard's mouth was on him, slick and hot and eager, and he was humming, little noises that sounded happy as hell. And holy shit, Evan wanted to stay like this for hours, for fucking days, his cock in Sheppard's mouth, Sheppard's hands all over him, calloused and rough and exploratory; he wanted to flip Sheppard off him, and strip him down, and bury his face in Sheppard's ass, and fuck him until they were both shaking and wordless and slick with sweat and come.
And then he wanted to do it all again.
He wanted whatever was fizzing through their veins to never burn off, to just keep getting more intense. And he wanted, despite all the urgency, to make sure Sheppard knew he was paying attention right now, and that he'd always been paying attention.
So, taking a deep breath, he pulled himself together long enough to tighten his grip in Sheppard's hair, drag him away, and look him in the eyes. "Five times over. Sir."
Sheppard's lips were slick, and his pupils were even more dilated, and he looked faintly annoyed and turned on and hungry for it, and like he was also trying very hard to think Evan's words over, carefully, seriously. Like he was doing his best to really consider Evan's point. "I don't think the surprise guests time counts," he said finally, slowly starting to jack Evan's cock. "There was shooting."
"It counted," Evan said, gritting his teeth against the urge to tell Sheppard faster, and I want your mouth, sir, because it had counted. Shooting be damned. The ceremony had just about finished before the shooting began. It counted.
Sheppard shrugged, said, "Okay, then," and licked along his lower lip. "Can I just get back to—?" He looked significantly at Evan's cock, jacking him a little faster.
Evan nodded, because fuck yes, he could and he'd better.
And after Sheppard took whatever he wanted? Evan had plans.
"So, listen," Sheppard started, some immeasurable time later. He was half-draped over Evan, still breathing a little fast. "Sorry that I sullied your virtue without an ancient and sacred marriage ritual first."
Evan shrugged. "Pretty sure we're getting ancient and sacredly married somewhere right about now," he said.
"That doesn't even make sense," Sheppard muttered against Evan's chest. "Think we should—"
"We should do that again," Evan interrupted, preemptively, because they really should. And soon. Very soon, even though the fizz in his veins had died down to almost nothing, to just an almost-memory of urgency. "Give me twenty minutes," he said. He knew he wouldn't need that much time, though he absolutely wasn't going to wonder about the specifics of exactly why right now.
But he was going to try and play it low-key and laid back.
Sheppard shifted. "You can have five," he replied, his teeth grazing Evan's skin.
Evan grinned up at the hut's ceiling. He could definitely do five.