Work Text:
Later, after he's gotten to know the other man, Sasaki will be ashamed that the first thing he noticed about Nagachika was his ass. At the moment, he's far too distracted by how the other man looks bent over the front desk at the gym they happen to share, no doubt doing something he isn't supposed to be. Ever the minder of rules, Haise wants to scold him, remind him that he’s not allowed to mess around with anything behind the desk, even if he is a stranger. The way he looks when he's bent over makes it hard to even consider with the way his mind seems intent on focusing on the other man's ass. It’s indecent, and he isn't even looking where he's going at first, not until his foot hits something hard. Haise has enough sense about him to look down and see a lone neon orange free weight before his body meets the floor.
He's not fragile, but shame slows him and heats his face. His inattentiveness is embarrassing, especially considering the reason for it. As he's shaking it off, someone kneels down next to him and settles their hand on his shoulder, soft and soothing.
“Hey,” they say, and their voice sounds distantly familiar, like a song whose lyrics are on the tip of his tongue. He scans all the way up the other person, flushing when he recognizes those shorts as the same ones that were practically molded to the butt of his mystery rule breaker. “Hey, are you alright?”
Haise snaps his eyes away from the shorts and up the rest of the other man. He's greeted by sun-kissed skin, warm brown eyes, and a messy mop of shoulder length hair, dirty blond and darker at the roots, tied up in a ponytail. He also notices the missing limbs: left arm and right leg, but politely avoids any comments. While ‘a sight for sore eyes’ is not often an expression used literally, Haise can feel a slight pulse at the back of his own, and while it's uncomfortable, it's oddly welcome.
“Yeah,” he says dumbly, then shakes his head and nods a little more resolutely while he pulls himself off the floor. The other man rises with him. “Yes, I'm fine. I just didn't see the weight, so I tripped.”
“Yeah, sorry. That was my fault. I was trying to get something I forgot behind the desk. I didn't think anyone would mind… or fall. It's a pretty noticeable piece of equipment.” Even so, the other man has the decency to look sheepish, scratching at his cheek and smiling awkwardly.
For the second time in five minutes, Haise notices how brightly colored the weight is and is again a little mortified about his blatant staring previously. He probably would have noticed the piece of equipment if he hadn't been looking elsewhere. It's with another rush of embarrassment that Haise realizes he's speaking with the man whose body caught his attention. He hopes the sparkle of humor he can see in the stranger's eyes and the slight upturn of his lips doesn't mean his oogling was obvious.
“Anyway,” says the other man, “that was my fault regardless. I'm sorry. I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi, by the way,” he says, and extends his hand by way of greeting. Haise can't do much more than shake it dumbly, face a little slack before he shakes himself out of his reverie and smiles at the other man, feeling strangely at ease with the skin-on-skin contact.
“Sasaki Haise,” he says in return. “And you can make it up to me if you'd like.”
Nagachika looks apprehensive, but tentatively agrees. “It would only be fair. Do you need help with your workout?” he asks, and Haise has to scramble for something to ask for help with. He mostly just wants to spend a little more time with the other man, figure out if this feeling of familiarity is a normal one or something to do with his lost memories. He spies the weight lifting bench, bar laden with weight discs that Haise knows better than to lift in public, even if he could. There is a small part of him that wants to impress Nagachika with a display of strength, but Sasaki isn't sure he's the type to like that sort of thing.
He could just ask Nagachika for coffee. It would be easy. Easier than keeping this up, at least. But when he opens his mouth, what comes out instead is: “Spot me? I don't usually have someone to do that for me.”
Nagachika frowns at him. “Isn’t that pretty dangerous?” he asks, and Haise frowns and looks away.
He's right of course, or he would be if Haise were human, but he isn't. He doesn't need to rely on anyone else for something this simple, and even if he'd like to--and he would like to. He'd even just like to know he could--the gym set up for investigators isn't the friendliest place. At least, not for him. Just training with students at the CCG Academy once in a while isn't enough to keep him in top shape either. It's part of the reason he trains at home and has a membership here, at the Jungle Gym.
“I’d be glad to help you as much as I can though,” says Nagachika with a smile. Haise tries to keep his eyes on Nagachika’s face, heart feeling lighter at the answer, but his eyes drop down to the other man’s prosthetic arm. Nagachika snaps his fingers and Haise’s eyes snap back to his face.
“I’m not gonna mess up or anything. It's pretty sturdy,” he says, speaking about his prosthesis. “And so am I. Just let me put away that weight and I'll meet you by the bench, okay?”
Haise nods and they go their separate ways. He tries not to stare at Nagachika’s back as he walks away. He fails, and his gaze rolls down the path that hides the other man's spine until he stops steadily at the dip just before his ass. He stops himself there, tearing his eyes away as he notices the pivot in Nagachika’s waist just before he turns around. He sets himself to preparing his weights instead of staring, scolding himself for being so disrespectful.
By the time Nagachika has met him at the weightlifting bench, he's removed all the discs that were left on the bar by the previous occupant. Nagachika watches him slide on his discs, reaching for one Sasaki can't reach before he even mentions it.
“A-ah, wait, Nagachika-san,” Haise starts, watching Hide snap a weight between the hooks of his prosthesis before grab in it with his other hand. Nagachika raises a single eyebrow at Sasaki while he lifts the weight disc and slides it onto the side opposite to where Sasaki stands. Haise can feel his face heat and Nagachika looks positively smug. He hadn't meant to act so concerned. He has enough comrades with missing limbs. He should have known better.
Just because you’re being strange about him doesn't mean you should sell him short, he scolds himself.
“You were worried about me,” Nagachika coos at him. Haise feels his cheeks go from pink to red.
“Just a little,” he admits sheepishly. Nagachika laughs and calls him cute. Cute of all things! Him, a grown man.
“Don’t worry about me,” Nagachika says. "Man, I always forget how much of a mouthful my name is.”
“It suits you,” says Sasaki even though it doesn't feel quite right in his mouth.
After that, they're strangely in sync, moving steady and fluid like the ocean tide. The bar is set up in no time and Sasaki is just slightly surprised by the speed in which it all happened. He stares at Hideyoshi and Hideyoshi stares back for a moment, eyes fond and sad. The smile he gives Haise afterward, bright and followed by a soft laugh, makes the sadness in his eyes that much more heartbreaking. Haise wouldn't notice this sort of thing in the usual stranger he meets on the street. Why is he noticing it here? Why is he noticing it with Hideyoshi?
Despite his melancholy, difficult as it may be to spot, Hideyoshi still nudges their shoulders together. “C’mon, Sasaki-san. I'm not about to let you carry this weight yourself.”
“Are you always this friendly with everyone?” he finds himself asking, and only half joking.
“There’s no reason not to be friendly with people when you first meet them. Now are you gonna get on that bench or not?”
Haise nods and makes a noise in the affirmative, planting himself on the bench and lying down. It doesn't put him in the perfect position automatically, so he has to wiggle himself upward. He feels his shirt ruck upward, exposing a small sliver of his abdomen to the air, and he hears a small chuckle coming from above him. He stares up at Hideyoshi and quirks a brow. The other man has his hand over his mouth, but his eyes betray his smile.
“What’s so funny?”
“It’s your little wiggle,” Nagachika says, biting back another laugh. “I’ve never seen anyone do it from this angle.”
Haise flushes, about to make an excuse for himself, to get uselessly defensive, but Nagachika waves him off with the hooks on his prosthetic and a smile that makes his heart skip a beat. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he says. “I just thought it was cute, is all.”
Slowly, but not so slowly as to bring shame to his skill as a First Rank Investigator, Haise is starting to realize that Hideyoshi is just naturally open with people. He wiggles on the bench a little more, not having gotten into the position he wanted before, and when he refocuses above him, sees Nagachika restraining a small smile. Haise raises an eyebrow and Nagachika waves him off and nods his readiness. Once Haise explains his workout, Nagachika latches his hooks under the bar and grabs with the other.
He doesn't need any help with the weight. This sort of thing isn't heavy to him and it's mostly what he lifts to keep body definition. Still, it's comforting that he's worth someone else's time. Nagachika is focused on him, on the workout and the steady motions of his body. It's only after halfway through the second rep, when he can feel cool air on his abdomen, that he notices Nagachika’s focus slipping lower and lower until they're trained on the strip is skin visible between Haise’s shirt and pants. Haise even catches him licking his lips, and somehow it's more embarrassing because Nagachika is most certainly not a ghoul, so it means something entirely different. He flushes hard and tries to focus on a fixed point on the ceiling, but their eyes meet for a moment and Nagachika’s cheeks go a little pink and he smiles sheepishly like he’s been caught in the act.
He feels too conscious of his movements, suddenly. He feels watched and wanted and it's such a strange feeling that he pauses and lifts the bar to its apex and sets it back in the cradle. Nagachika looks concerned and shifts to his side, kneeling down and putting a hand on his shoulder. He looks guilty, even with his soft smile.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah… I think I'm gonna just cool down for the day.” Nagachika doesn't look comfortable with his answer but seems to accept it quickly.
“If you need me,” he says, “I’ll be over there.” He points at a row of elipticals settled in front of a row of treadmills.
“So will I-- I mean on the treadmill. Thanks for the help, Hiseyoshi-san.” Nagachika makes a face like he's a little weirded out by his response, and for a moment Haise is concerned about his obviousness.
“Hmmm," says Hideyoshi. "Still seems a little formal, I think.”
“Hideyoshi-kun?” Haise tries again, and he's pleased when Hideyoshi beams at him and nods.
“I’ll see you on the treadmill, then, Sasaki.” Before Haise can tease him for his own formality, Hideyoshi is already on his way. Sasaki feels giddy and light for a moment, having gotten away with a small lie. The treadmill is the last part of his workout usually. He doesn't mean to be malevolent with his lie, but he needs to look at the other man more. He seems so familiar. By the time he’s done spacing out a bit, Hideyoshi has taken his place on a machine of his choice and Haise, in a display of daring he wouldn't normally associate with himself outside of a mission, settles in one a little out of the way from just behind Hideyoshi. He coaxes his machine awake and tries to make his blatant staring as inobvious as possible.
Before, he’d only really noticed Hideyoshi’s ass, but like this he can see the tone of his legs from thighs to calf. Staring at him like this, he tells himself, will not help you remember who he is. He feels a little pathetic, with his blatant oggling, watching and saying nothing. It seems to be the easier option, and he's so caught up with digging through his mind and trying to recall him, waiting for a pain behind his eyes that never comes, that he almost doesn't see it when Hideyoshi slows down and starts moving off his machine.
There's a second of panic as he watches Hideyoshi move toward the locker room. The pain he's been waiting for blooms behind his eyes like a flower, slow at first and then with a snap of violence. It brings nothing with it, no memories, just pain that leaves him clutching his head. Things go a little dark and he’s left staring at the polished shoes he thinks a waiter would wear, and slowly they morph into a pair of filthy feet, covered in blood that's in various states of dryness.
Don’t says a voice, like his own but somehow more. Don’t.
even with the insistence, he sounds so concerned. Haise feels entirely anchored in place and the voice just tells him to Stay away stay away stay away but he wants so badly to know this man and the pleas make him burn with curiosity. If this will help him save who he was, the person inside him, then it's something he needs to do, isn't it?
He breaks from the waking dream and the pressure vanishes in time for him to see Hideyoshi leave the locker room, and he bolts to catch up with him, side-stepping a few offended gym-goers in the process. He catches up as just as the other man is heading out, bulging backpack settled across his shoulders.
“Wait!” Hideyoshi snaps around at the sound of his voice and Haise isn't sure if he sees happiness of fear in his eyes before it's quickly shuttered under confusion. It keeps nagging at him, that this man knew who he used to be, and he's brought out of it by a gentle hand on his shoulder and a small, questioning noise.
“Are you okay?” he asks first, then once he sees Haise refocus, “Did you need something?”
And Haise realizes he needs a lot from this man. He needs to know if Hideyoshi knew him, who he was before Sasaki Haise. He needs to know why Kaneki Ken would want to keep them apart. He wants to know if he was so lucky to have not one but two people so beautiful in his life. Instead, he says:
“Your number.”
Hideyoshi stares for a moment and Haise squirms under his gaze until the other man laughs softly under his breath and gives him a positively radiant smile. It makes him feel less selfish and less awful. It makes him feel comforted and at home, and it's so strange that this many emotions can be tangled up in a simple show of teeth.
He waits patiently after Hideyoshi nods at him and digs a pen out of his backpack, scribbling his number down on Haise’s palm in a gesture that seems entirely and adorably old-fashioned. He tucks his pen back into his bag and gives Sasaki a polite nod of his head.
“Now who's formal?” he says, tone light.
Hideyoshi shrugs and admits that Haise has him on that and, once again flushing pink, steps back and turns toward the door. “We could go for coffee sometime,” he says, and vanishes out the door, leaving Haise tracing his finger around the digits christening his palm.
His nail scrapes lightly against the bottom of the numbers, smearing ink across his skin. He hadn't realized he was sweating so much. Haise wanders toward the locker rooms, intent on copying the number into his phone, and as he walks his mind wanders. He wonders why Kaneki wants to keep him away from Hideyoshi and why he keeps getting these undercurrent needs to protect. He wonders why Kaneki is pacing the back of his mind like a caged animal.
(He knows better now, knows that he isn't, but sometimes he can't help but be terrified of him nonetheless.)
You need to stay away. He needs to be safe. Leave him.
Haise knows that nothing is safe in this world. It comes with being an investigator, with solving cases where innocent people are the usual victims. If anything, Hideyoshi would be safer being closer to him. The sentiment is true, but a selfish. He likes Hideyoshi more than he should like someone he just met, likes his friendly manner and warm smiles, his kind teasing and soft touches. It wins out against his curiosity in the end, and while part of him wonders how much of that is him, most of him is just selfish. It's been awhile since he's made a friend unassociated with work, and he's never really had someone he wanted to be more with. It may seem sad, is sad to him, but he's a bit lonely, and even their brief interaction had been like a balm for a wound Haise hadn't been willing to acknowledge.
Not for the first time, Haise finds himself ignoring Kaneki’s voice and his advice. If Nagachika Hideyoshi is really someone that needs to be kept safe, then maybe he's a good part of Kaneki’s past. Haise would like to believe who he was wasn't a monster, that there is some part of his past it wouldn't hurt to remember. There's also a part of him that craves the brief peace they had together.