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“One more minute, hold still.”
Nick fought the urge to shift away, to reach up and adjust his hat. His barely-remembered human tendencies came into the fore at moments like this, even as the moment itself blared the inhumanity of him loudly. Nate was pressed against his side, one hand cupping Nick’s chin to keep his head tilted just right while the other spun the screwdriver. A hard knock had loosened something in his neck joint that was making controlling his head difficult, and of course Nate had noticed. He always seemed to notice those things.
“Now that we’re clear, I think I want to backtrack to that terminal we passed up before. I didn’t want to take the time earlier, but since we’ve finished what we came here to do I’d like to sate my curiosity on what was behind the door it was guarding.”
Nate’s fingers on the skin of Nick’s synthetic face were burning points of awareness. Nate touching him was far from rare; he did it often in fact, repeatedly: casual brushes of their arms, a hand clapped to his shoulder, weight leaning against him as they planned their next move. Fingers steady on his arm to get his attention as they snuck through dark hallways, a grab of his wrist to hold him back with no frequency difference between the one still covered in skin and the one that was bare metal bones… and wasn’t that the kicker? Even as the human was adjusting screws through the damaged, false skin of Nick’s neck, he had no reaction or awkwardness to the reality of Nick’s not being like him. And that kept Nick from ever getting used to the human’s skin against his own.
It was one thing to be reviled as a synth. It was another for humans to focus their eyes on his shoulder, his hat, and treat him like one of them while ignoring his obvious circuitry. But the steady middle ground that Nate occupied, treating him at once as what he was without apology while still elevating him and regarding him with affection – well, Nick tried not to think about that, as it always sent his thoughts down dubious paths.
“And done. Think you should be good now. Test your range of motion?”
Nick tipped his head forward and back, rotated his neck with a quiet whir of servos. “I think that might be better than it was before that ghoul knocked me one. Thanks.”
Nate grinned and pressed a broad hand to Nick’s shoulder, fingers tightening in a squeeze. Nick let himself return the smile, just a bit. Wouldn’t want Nate thinking he didn’t appreciate him.
Nick ignored the little voice in the back of his memory chips that chirped that he was just glad for the excuse to show affection to the scarred, fantastic human that he’d come to know.
Going back out through the halls of the facility was much faster than going in had been, with no need to creep in the shadows and little more junk for Nate to stuff into his rucksack. The man was a hoarder in the making, picking up every desk fan and roll of duct tape that he could find along the way.
“Should we stop back by your place after this? Ellie might have something new for us.”
Nick knew he had no actual heart, but something inside his chest felt tight and warm regardless. “Sure you don’t have better things to be doing?”
The human tossed a grin back over his shoulder, slinging his rifle and pushing his hat back on his brow a bit. “What better things are there on a boring evening than solving mysteries with you, Nicky?”
He was glad he didn’t need to breathe, as comments like that always made his internals freeze up in a mockery of stolen breath. “You’ve got a funny definition of better.”
Nate just laughed like Nick was ridiculous and continued on, soon reaching the aforementioned terminal, flopping down into a rusted old chair, and powering it up. Nick took the time that the man was focused on hacking through the encryption to surreptitiously study him. Human aesthetics were so nebulous and subjective, but he’d seen enough of the women around the Commonwealth stand just a little too close to this one to know he was considered handsome. His own memories from the original Nick Valentine, as well, confirmed that he was; thick, dark hair, high cheekbones, expressive, light eyes, strong jaw only accentuated by the dark stubble that almost always lingered there. He’d watched, bemused, as more than one woman in a settlement or at the multitude of dives scattered over the Commonwealth had begged for tales of Before or of his adventures while trying to flirt their way into Nate’s pants.
But what was truly… attractive about Nate was his heart. The way he took up a banner to whatever cause was presented to him, the way he had to help anyone who asked for his assistance. He was brave and refused to be defeated, curious and unwilling to let a mystery go unsolved, and he was unflappably, shiningly good in a way that Nick so rarely saw in humans these days.
A crowed, “Ah hah!” broke Nick’s reverie, forcing him back into the moment. Dangerous thoughts, those. That was just another part of being around Nate, though: it became far too easy to forget that Nick wasn’t human, that Nate was, that things like romance just weren’t in the cards for someone as beaten down, ripped apart, and hardened as Nick.
“Nick?” Nate’s voice was muffled and coming from the newly unlocked room. “I’m gonna need some help carrying all this. I’ll owe you a night out if you help me lug all this junk!”
It was still a surprise to Nick every time his processors whirred and sped, the way his lips curled involuntarily in moments like this. “Yeah, yeah, close your head. I’m coming.”
They crouched in the shadow of a newly-unlocked doorway a few blocks from Diamond City, peering at the several raiders occupying the space between them and the road that would take them to Goodneighbor. Nate was quietly loading a long, scoped rifle at his side, adjusting dials for the distance.
“Your hearing’s better than mine; anything I should know about that they’re talking about?”
Nick tore his focus away from Nate’s calloused, dirty fingers and amplified his auditory sensor array. It only took him a moment to tone it back to a human level, disgust painting a grimace across his face. “Nothing you wanna hear, but proves this lot shouldn’t be left alive at least.”
Nate nodded, pulling a pistol from his bag to set beside his knees once he’d ensured it loaded and flipped off the safety. “Right. I’ll pick off as many as I can before they notice us, but there’s no reason not to go loud once they do. I bet they’ve taken care of any competition anywhere in hearing range.”
Nick accessed his own memory banks to make sure there was nothing about this area they should be worrying about. Other than the chance of super mutants in nearby buildings, there was nothing to worry about that he knew of. “Got it.” Nick readied his own gun after checking the magazine to be sure he was fully loaded. “Any particular order you wanna go in?”
Nate shook his head and braced himself, steadying his rifle and peering through the scope. Under his breath he muttered, “Grifters and bindle-stiffs all, suckers just waiting for me to throw lead. My partner at my back thought I was a crazy dame, jumping in button first after the worst sort of mugs out there, but that was just the sort of gumshoe I was.”
Nick pressed his flesh hand to his mouth, muffling an uncontrollable snort of laughter. “You’re the hairiest dame I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure.” Nate had a fascination with the old detective noir novellas of the pre-war days, the sort of guys that the original Nick Valentine had emulated and admired. He’d been prattling on in horrible slang, narrating their adventures since nearly the very first day they’d met. How Nate had decided he should be the dame in these tales, Nick would never understand.
“That’s certainly not a nice thing for a fine, upstanding fella like yourself to say. Careful before I play ya a little chin music, bub!”
The hand he’d used to stifle his laughter now dragged down his face as he groaned quietly. “Just blow one down and blip off these boobs, would ya?”
Nate just chortled and went back to peering down his scope, still grinning even as he sucked in a slow breath and pulled the trigger for the first shot. Down went one Raider, the others leaping to their feet and looking all around them. With a loud report, a second fell quickly after, but that was enough for the group to see the direction the shot had come from. Nick leapt up. “The jig’s up, they’re on to us. Stay safe, huh Dollface?”
It was a bit morbid to joke while shooting down opponents, but the amusement and true joy in Nate’s ringing laughter wiped any misgivings Nick might have had. He’d not heard the man laugh like that since weeks ago before they’d found Kellogg and the realities of his search for Shaun had started to become apparent. It was a lovely sound, one that Nick tried to not feel ashamed about enjoying so much.
“Only if you promise to sweep me off my feet after, Nicky!”
Between the two of them, the Raiders had never stood a chance.
The cigarette Nick held between his metal fingers was slowly being flattened. He sat at his desk attempting to catch up on some of the paperwork Ellie’d left for him, but the conversation happening behind him kept stealing his attention no matter how hard he tried to block it out.
“C’mon, Blue. It’s been months since you gave me an interview. Let’s go out for a drink at the Dugout and back to mine. Something interesting’s gotta have happened while you were wandering around Goodneighbor.”
“Sorry Piper, I’ve got plans with Nick tonight. Got a new case in.” Nate’s voice was guileless and filled with affection; Nick could picture the crooked grin he’d have on his face just then.
There was a shuffle of shoes across the floor, a slowly indrawn breath that Nick couldn’t pinpoint the originator of. He reminded himself that he was trying to ignore this. “I promise I’ll… make the evening worth your while. You’ve been on the road with old Valentine here for weeks now; surely you can take a night off to spend time with a friend, hmm?”
Piper had always been a sweet talker, even as a little girl. And once she was old enough, she’d quickly learned to use her femininity to her advantage as well. She wasn’t some chippy broad or anything like that, just very good at leading suckers along for as long as she needed. But she was different with Nate, like they all were. She was softer, fingers lingering on his forearm, lips bitten while she waited for his response. Nick could practically picture her idly toying with Nate’s sleeve, glancing up through her lashes. Nick was suddenly certain that she wasn’t just being manipulative in that moment, that she was genuinely hoping to get Nate’s attention for the evening – and the night.
The laugh Nate gave in response was one of his usuals, kind and genuine. “You make it sound like it’s a chore to work here with Nick! I promise, I’m super bad at doing things I don’t like. I wouldn’t hang out here in my every off hour if I didn’t love it. Sorry Piper, but I should have free time one of these days soon.”
“Ah, well, maybe another time then?” She sounded off balance, and Nick had to sympathize since he was feeling rather that way himself. Damned if he knew whether the man just hadn’t noticed the ploy at all or if he was letting Piper down easy.
“I’m sure you’ll find someone interesting to interview. Oh hey, did I tell you? You should talk to Simone, I heard—“
Nick was kind of leaning towards oblivious as Nate continued on, giving Piper something to set her teeth in to distract her but with that same ingenuous goodness that just permeated the man’s personality. It was what drew so many to him to confide in, to protect, to adore. But as Piper gave her farewells and walked out the front door, Nate sighed and could be heard flopping down into the chair of the desk he’d borrowed for the day. “I hate hurting people’s feelings.”
“We coulda put this case off, you know. It’s just some missing jewels, nothing that couldn’t wait for tomorrow.”
Nick spun in his chair to meet Nate’s pale green eyes, trying not to focus on the tenor of the human’s smile as he replied, “Well yeah, but I’d rather be with you. I just don’t like hurting a friend like that.”
Something warm seized Nick again, heating his insides like his wiring was running hot. “You also noticed that the dame was angling to be a little more than friends, right?”
The fond smile on Nate’s lips slipped fainter, curling into something teasing and almost shy. “Doesn’t change my answer.”
Had Nick had blood vessels, he’s pretty sure his face would be flushed brightly enough to be a beacon. He cleared his throat and looked away, eyeing a poster on the wall. “Well, you’d better go take a nap if we’re going to be out and about all night. Take my bed; there are some blankets in the dresser upstairs.”
Nate’s smile only turned knowing, Nick observed from the corner of his eye, but he could only be glad that his avoidance hadn’t been taken as an outright rejection. For all that he knew that nothing could come of this, that it was a terrible idea from any angle, that it was impossible – he couldn’t seem to bring himself to actually shut Nate down and stop the subtle (and less than subtle) flirts, the lingering glances that had recently graduated to even more touching than before.
He hated knowing he was so weak, but as he tracked Nate across the office and helplessly returned the funny little smile the man gave before he disappeared around the corner… Nick just couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Fuck, Nick!”
The dark room was awash in muzzle flash, the loud reports of a dozen or so guns making his auditory sensors ring. There were suddenly bright explosive flares to add to it all as Nate lobbed some kind of grenades at their enemies, taking down all but a few. Nick calmed the shaking – so illogical, to shake; he didn’t have nerves! – in his hand to steady his pistol and pick off one that had managed to get behind his partner. Within a few minutes there was silence once more but for Nate’s feet crunching through the detritus on the floor as he rushed over.
“Ah hell, you alright?” Nate looked slightly panicked as he looked over Nick’s body, taking in the chunk of jacket, underclothes, and false skin that was suddenly burnt away on Nick’s side. His mechanisms were obvious in the gap left by the moltov. Nate’s hands fluttered a few inches above the gape.
Nick sighed and tried to push himself up on his elbows. “It’s fine, it’s fine. Not the first cocktail to take a chunk outta me. It didn’t damage the internals. I’m mostly pissed about the jacket. Patching this much’ll take work; I may need to replace this time.”
Nate’s heart and respiratory rates were still elevated, eyes too wide. “I don’t give a shit about your jacket, you bucket of bolts. The hell did you think you were doing getting in the way of that?”
He didn’t have an answer he was willing to give, sentimental fool that he was, so instead he tipped back his head and ran a quick diagnostic on himself. Ah, hell. Worse than he thought; his main systems were all online and functioning without damage, but he seems to have gotten his leg partially disconnected.
As he surfaced from the slightly longer than usual check, Nate’s eyes were locked on his own and his mouth was slightly ajar. “Oh.”
“Oh?” Nick replied, scooting himself into a sitting position and looking around the room for any easily accessible tools. “What is it?”
“Whatever you were just doing, your eyes brightened a lot. Did you know?”
Nick grimaced. “Nah, didn’t know that. I don’t generally run thorough diagnostics around others. Sorry about that.”
“No, I like it. It’s lovely.”
Lovely. Pah, this damned human. He fought down the very human urges to fidget in place or look away from Nate’s gaze. “Unfortunately, it seems I did some damage to my hip. I need a screwdriver, some electrical tape if we can find any, and likely some harvested wiring to rig into the existing bits.”
Even before he’d finished speaking, Nate had a hand in the pockets he’d hand sewn under his arm guards. He pulled out the aforementioned screwdriver and a half-gone roll of black electrical tape, handing it over with his face darkening. To a human’s eyes, in this light, it wouldn’t have been noticeable, but to Nick’s it was clear as it ever was. “I, ah, try to keep things close at hand just in case.”
The sensation of his internal apparatuses warming came again, making Nick feel like his body was too small for the way this man made him feel. “Thanks, partner.” He shrugged off his coat and peeled up his suit jacket and shirt, untucking the latter from his trousers. He’d lost his artificial skin here years ago, so he had a direct line of sight to the issue, at least. He sighed. “Yep, gonna need some wiring to cobble the connections together until I can get to my supplies at home.” He shrugged out of the suit jacket now as well and began working on the buttons of his shirt, wanting it out of the way so he’d have both hands free.
Nate was already on his knees beside his rucksack, a desk fan he’d pilfered at some point coming apart under a second screwdriver. He used deft fingers to carefully harvest several wires from inside, setting them in a pile. “Need the ends stripped?”
“If you would, yes.”
Nick tore his eyes away from how easily Nate separated and worked with the components. Like with his ability to hack nearly anything, it always left Nick with an odd fluttering sensation where his cooling system was. He forced himself to focus on the actuator, removing the damaged wires’ protective coating and fully separating any still-linked bits of copper. Once he’d managed that, he grabbed the screwdriver from where he’d been holding it between his teeth and removed several screws that held the joint in place, lifting it out and peering at it for any less noticeable damage. His leg still stayed attached internally by the fibrous synthetic tendons and the main, heavily fortified coil of wiring that led down and branched out to his toes, his knee joint, and the sensory arrays that controlled sensation in his leg.
There was no further damage to the actuator, but the mechanism was looking dry. “Got an oil can in that sack of crap you lug around?”
Nate surfaced from the bag only moments later, a can in hand. “Always.”
Nick took it from him and tried to ignore the way Nate’s eyes had locked onto his bared torso and held, an unfamiliar expression on his face. Nick knew the sight wasn’t pretty. While he was more advanced than the 2nd generation synths with their thick plastic false skin, and in fact had a rather nicely molded physique done in his nearly-human-like skin, the years of solo work and fights had left it rather less than whole. Across one collarbone was a spray of bullet holes, both hips had different sized tears in the skin over them (with his left side’s damage now stretching up past his lower false ribs thanks to the moltov of minutes ago). Scars from stitches criss-crossed him from the areas he’d been able to repair. One pectoral was nearly entirely missing, his joke of a heart exposed and gleaming gold.
He focused on the cylindrical rotary joint he held, applying oil as needed. He tugged and pulled at it until it slid smoothly before setting it on his thigh with the damaged nubs of wire turned up. “Got those wires for me?”
It took Nate several moments to respond, but it wasn’t by handing over the wires. Instead his hand was suddenly between them, hovering and then lightly trailing over the torn edges of skin around Nick’s heart. “Did the big ones hurt? I know you have sensation in the skin, so I can’t help but think it would.”
Nick licked his lips, a uselessly human response. “Uh, well, kind of. Not like it would hurt a human in the same situation, but at least at the initial damage until the data catches up to the processors, yes. But I was programmed for damaged areas to be automatically quarantined from the sensors, so it wasn’t a lingering pain. The initial pain is just to alert my systems that there’s been damage. The stuff that couldn’t be salvaged had to be removed after to prevent complications.”
Nate’s hand pressed and rested where his structural sternum-esque support was hidden under the skin, one of the warmest parts of his body due to the number of mechanics directly behind it. “I am really glad that you’re synth. Have I told you that lately? A human wouldn’t have survived half of what you have, and then I’d never of had you to help me when I was newly out of the Vault.”
Nick hadn’t even realized he was moving until his flesh hand laid overtop of Nate’s, squeezing his fingers lightly. Hell, but I’m glad to be a synth, too, if only for the number of times you’d make me unable to breathe, sweetheart, he didn’t say. He instead stared down at their overlapped hands, his half-destroyed torso, and Nate’s thumb as it gently stroked back and forth across Nick’s just-a-bit-too-rubbery, just-a-bit-too-pigmentless, just-a-bit-too-dense skin. It was a contradiction that this man could make him feel so glad to be who he was while so regretful of it all at once.
“Nick…”
Nick closed his eyes and pulled Nate’s hand away, gently setting it back onto Nate’s knee to join his other. “Those wires?”
After a long, tense moment Nate gave a sigh and twisted, grabbing the little pile of different length wires, ends stripped, and handed them over. “Here you go.”
Nick was quick from there, unable to meet his partner’s eyes for what he feared he’d see there, or perhaps for what he feared he’d do depending on what he saw. Wires twisted into place he screwed the actuator back where it needed to be, reconnecting it to his leg support and his pelvis. A quick diagnostic confirmed that the leg was back online and he stood, testing its rotation, weight bearing, and smoothness of motion.
“Good, seems to be back in working order.”
He made the mistake of looking back to Nate, still on his knees where he’d left him, watching him with something painful and sad in his eyes. “Looks good, Nick.”
The urge to go to him was so strong that he wondered what was wrong with his behavioral processes, but he knew this was beyond that. This was the curse of his level of AI and the human baseline it was built from, emotion. If he was simply mechanical, he could ignore this human, so young and so old at once, so loved and so feared. But instead he had to have the organic components that allowed for real emotion, empathy, the dreaded love… and that just made it all so much more difficult.
As Nick redressed and Nate collected his things, Nick tried to decide whether he more regretted feeling all these things or his inability to do anything about them.
“Nah, man, the Psycho you find nowadays is weak in comparison to what we had in the military. Before the bombs fell, I was a part of the lead-up war with the Chinese. Did a stint over on their side of the ocean and again when we were trying to get Alaska back from them. Commanders practically rained Psycho vials on us before every battle.
“Shit was… well. It was bad enough that we were a bunch of angry guys in Power Armor, but adding such undiluted rage and strength into it made battles even more messy. It wasn’t like it was only our side taking it, either. So you’d have both sides of a battle just fucking tearing at each other, screaming at the tops of their lungs. Couldn’t feel the pain, wanted nothing more than to deal it out.”
Nick took a deep inhale off his cigarette as he watched the two across the campfire, trying not to do anything that would call Hancock’s attention to his likely judgmental frown. Chems obviously couldn’t do anything for him, as a synth. Even the cigarette he wielded was due to the original Nick’s oral fixation and not any effect of or addiction to nicotine. But even if they did do something for him, he didn’t think he’d be one to partake. He didn’t hate knowing others did, but in his experience mind-altering substances – whether the chems of today or the street drugs of Nick’s human time – just caused people trouble.
Hancock was sprawled across the dirt carelessly, head propped up on Nate’s thigh as they chatted. The boy was a bad influence on most people, but Nick liked to think that Nate would be strong enough to not fall down that molerat hole.
“Shit, I always forget you’re older than dirt. You’re so well preserved that it’s always a surprise.”
Nate laughed and grinned down at the ghoul. “Yeah, and since most ghouls are near my age, I always forget you’re a tiny baby in comparison. Aren’t we a pair?”
With a clicking sound, Hancock shook and readied the inhaler of Jet that he’d fished out of one of his pockets. “Well now, darlin’, if you wanna talk about being a pair, how ‘bout you have a can or two with me and we explore the joys of getting off in slow-mo?”
Another laugh from Nate nearly shook the ghoul from his pillow, Hancock’s white, straight teeth gleaming in the low light. “Ah, you know it’s tempting, but I’m a good boy. You’ll have to try harder than that to get me playing with chems – or you.”
Nick flexed his hands and wondered if the both of them had just forgotten he was there. After all, after the tension that had fallen over he and Nate after the incident a few weeks prior, he’d quietly suggested that he needed some time at home to catch up on his day job. Nick remembered the forced blankness that Nate had replied with, his too-calm response in the affirmative and fake smile. It’d been a week before he’d even seen the human again, and after the last three months of living out of one anothers’ pockets it was jarring.
It had been especially jarring when Hancock had sashayed in behind him, crowing out a loud greeting, all flamboyant cheer. Nick had been the one to introduce the two, but having no idea how Hancock had ended up tailing after Nate rather than running his town left a bad taste in Nick’s mouth. He’d figured that Nate would have brought Dogmeat back out again, or maybe dragged Piper around to get some new material. Not that it was a problem that he’d taken up with the ghoul, just perplexing.
And now it was weeks later, the two having been inseparable in that time, with stories about superheroes and several gangs they’d taken out to share. Nick had agreed to head back to Sanctuary with them to check in on the town and help plan for the fight for Castle, and he didn’t think he’d felt more like a third wheel in decades, at least.
“Tsh, what a tease, Trouble. I know you’re capable of having fun with the stories you’ve told me. One of these days I’ll crack ya.”
“Tease? I’ll have you know I’ve never been a tease in my life. I flirt and I promise, but never that.”
“I think we’ve got different definitions.”
Nate grinned and tipped the ghoul’s hat to cover his eyes. “Can’t help it if I’m nearly irresistible.”
“Only nearly?” Hancock replied dryly, taking a long pull from the canister of Jet and stretching his arms over his head, nearly hitting Nate in the face as he arched and exhaled noisily. “Man, that’s the shit.”
Nate’s amused expression froze, a sad smile falling over his lips as he forced a laugh. “Ah, you know, there’s always a few who can resist anyone’s charms.”
“You’re tellin’ me. Though I’ve gotta say man, even after going ghoul, I still have very few refusals. My raw charisma is enough to pull even the wary over to my way of thinking so long as I share the right goods beforehand. Funnier than shit to see some of the humans the next morning, though, sober and realizing just who they let fuck ‘em.”
“I don’t know if I’d call that funny. Their loss if they’re going to let stupid prejudices choose their partners for them.”
Nick watched as a familiar charmed expression fell over Hancock’s face, one Nick was intimately acquainted with. Comments like that, when Nate ignored all societal ideas in favor of his heart, always managed to melt Nick just a little on the inside. Nate didn’t seem to notice, though, leaned back on his palms and staring up at the starry night sky.
“You’re one of the few who’d think so, sadly, Trouble. Sure you won’t change your mind?”
Nate’s face was mostly unseeable, but his voice was warm. “Sorry Hancock. I get attached too easy for no-strings fun.”
The ghoul’s eyes narrowed as he stared up at the human’s chin, and something in Nick tightened. He’d known Johnny since he was one of the brats running across the market and knocking over shoppers, and the boy was a romantic and sentimental at heart, no matter the carefree persona he’d tried to effect since taking up the Hancock name.
Nick cleared his throat, making both the young men jump in place. Hancock was up on his elbow now with one hand on his gun, while Nate had snapped his face forward to meet Nick’s eyes over the fire. The look on his face told Nick that, yes, they’d entirely forgotten he was there. He held back a grimace as the mechanics in his gut felt like they’d been iced over. “It’s getting late. I can keep watch since I don’t need to sleep, but you two should get some rest.”
Nate raised his arm and tapped at his Pipboy, sighing after a few moments. “Yeah, right. We should be able to reach Sanctuary by bedtime tomorrow, though, if we cut across the wilderness.” The human stood then, dusting off his backside and scooping up the water he’d been sipping at. “See you guys in the morning.”
He walked to the edge of the little campsite they’d erected where the tent stood, ducking past the flaps without another word.
“Hate to see him leave, but with that Vault suit it sure is a pleasure to watch him walk away,” Hancock rasped, a mechanical whoosh of air signifying that he’d taken another hit of Jet.
Nick suddenly longed for Piper and her far more internalized wanting of Nate. Having someone so blatant about their attentions made something heavy and dark form somewhere inside Nick, leaving him frowning and looking anywhere but at the ghoul.
“Meant to ask, Nicky, how’d you get mixed up with Trouble anyway?”
Nick kept his eyes on the fire. “I had a case that wound up with Skinny Malone shoving me into a room to keep me outta the way. Nate stormed through, took Skinny out and let me free.”
A laugh echoed through the clearing, shuffling noises indicating that Hancock was changing position. “Ain’t that just like him? Shit, seems like every other person in the Commonwealth ends up mixed up with him before too long, either beside him or at the end of his gun.”
“It’s too easy to fall in line with him,” Nick murmured in reply, flexing his metal fingers. “He makes you want to do more, like the world isn’t too dirty to be saved. No matter who you are.”
“I hear that,” said Hancock lowly, and a glance showed him to be peering through the shadows to the tent. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a person that made me want to be a better one just by existing. I’m over forty goddamned years old, I shouldn’t be thinking about changing my ways now.”
“You’re not so bad, Johnny. A little misguided sometimes, but you’re a good kid.”
A snort was the only response to that, but the silence didn’t last long. “So, you got any idea what’s got him pining? He’s a tough nut, but he’s obviously hung up on somebody. Thought it was that Minuteman for a while, with the way he worried about him, but that was a dead end.”
Nick frowned. “Why don’t you assume it’s the wife he buried just a few months ago?”
“Cuz we’ve had that conversation, duh.” Nick wondered what ‘that’ conversation was. “So I know better. But for all that he’ll flirt with anybody and everybody, he closes off as soon as the interest gets a little too literal. I’ve been trying to talk him into bed for weeks, and I thought it mighta been the whole ghoul thing, but then Magnolia over at the Third Rail came onto him and he turned her down, too. She’s a real looker, too.”
“Don’t know why you think I’d know.”
Hancock let out a disbelieving noise. “Uh, excuse me, Detective? I mean, it’s in your job description to be nosy, not to mention that you’re obviously the closest to him outta anybody. Guy doesn’t shut up about you half of the—“
Nick warily moved his eyes over to the ghoul’s when he paused in the middle of his sentence, taking in the widened eyes and dropped jaw. “Shit, really? Really?”
Nick scowled and looked away. “No idea what you’re talking about.”
“Well, at least I’m sure it isn’t the ghoul thing anymore.”
And that seemed to be that, but Nick could feel eyes boring into the side of his head. He lasted ten minutes before breaking, glaring out of the corner of his eye. “What, Hancock?”
“Nothing, nothing. Just trying to figure out your angle, or his, or something. I’m way too high to do anything but picture it a little.” He grinned, wide and sharp.
“You should go to bed. I’ve got watch, remember?”
“I get it,” Hancock said with a smirk, standing and stretching long. “Fine, keep your secrets. Thanks for the mental image, though.”
Nick was quite sure he didn’t want to know what the ghoul was picturing. At all.
“Run, run, run, run, run, run!”
Nate kept chanting it as he scooped Nick around the waist and sprinted on, bullets raining around them.
“I told you it couldn’t have been that easy,” Nick groused, ducking his head behind Nate’s bulky, armored shoulder.
“Well why not? I’ve found suits in way weirder places!”
Nate was right; they’d once found a suit just sitting in a warehouse, totally unlocked and out in the open. But that didn’t change things. “This is a military compound; of course it wouldn’t be that easy.”
The found a copse of trees and Nate hit the dirt, the clank of the Power Armor he’d just liberated from the National Guard armory loud in the sudden stillness. He released Nick reluctantly, panting with his palms flat on the ground. “Think we lost it?”
Nick crept forward on his knees, pushing aside a bush to peer back the way they came at the huge Sentry Bot. “It’s still looking, but I don’t think it’s following us anymore.”
“Thank fuck,” Nate said in a relieved voice. “Are you okay? I had the armor, but you were totally exposed for a minute there.”
“It was pretty focused on you; I don’t think anything hit me but a stray bullet or two. You got between it and me pretty fast.” Nick was glad he couldn’t blush; in retrospect, being carried like a damsel was a bit embarrassing.
“Good, really good.” Nate was still panting, but slowly a grin was overtaking his face. “Well, another settlement saved, new loot acquired. I think that went well!”
Nick sighed in exasperation, a smile unwillingly pulling at his lips. “Whatever you say, Dollface.”
Nick tapped his fingers against his desk, distracted as he had been for most of the day. Nate had gone out yesterday on an errand, promising to be back as fast as he could, but still hadn’t come back. It wouldn’t be so bad if he’d taken someone else with him, but Nick was pretty sure that he hadn’t even taken Dogmeat along.
Ellie paused at his side, leaning her hip beside his hand. “Boss, you’re driving me crazy. If you’re gonna pine all day, can I take the rest of the day off?”
He scowled up at her and tugged down his hat lower over his eyes. “I’m not pining.”
“Sure you’re not. You’re just rolling around pointlessly in your chair, sighing hourly, and tapping your fingers or pen constantly. Totally normal for my robot employer.”
He scowled down at the desk. “Just a little anxious. Nate shoulda been back last night, never mind this morning.”
“Maybe he just got caught up? You know how missions can go sideways.”
“He wasn’t supposed to be going on any mission. He called it an errand, said he needed to pick something up.”
Ellie patted his shoulder, sighing. “He’ll be fine. He’s a tough cookie and isn’t gonna get caught out without backup. Stop your worrying and finish sorting these files, would you? If he’s gonna be back soon, wouldn’t it be nice to have a few things for you guys to look at?”
An hour later, Ellie long gone, Nick took to pacing. He’d sorted the cases that had come in the last two weeks by urgency as well as he could manage in his distraction, ran a dozen diagnostics on himself, actually started tidying the office at one point… he was half convinced he needed to go out and start a search party by the time the door opened and a grinning, dusty Nate tumbled through, pack on his back.
“Nick!”
The tension seeped out of Nick instantly, leaving him feeling woozy. “One hell of an errand, Nate.”
The grin turned sheepish. “Well, I couldn’t find one I liked here, so I had to jump over to Goodneighbor. Then Hancock was Hancock and things got a bit messy, but I got back over here as soon as I could.”
It was on the tip of Nick’s tongue to berate the human for worrying him so, but Nate was a grown man. It wasn’t Nick’s place to chastise him like some housewife. Instead he gave a small smile back, shrugging. “Well, you’re here now.”
“And with a gift!”
Nick’s eyebrows rose. “For who?”
“You, obviously.” Nate dropped his bag unceremoniously and dove into it headfirst, arm buried up to the elbow before he gave a triumphant, “Ah hah!”
He grinned up at Nick again as he shook out his prize, holding it out with a flourish. “Tah dah!”
It was a nearly identical match to his trusty, tan trenchcoat, but in the best condition he’d ever seen one in post war. Nick gaped a little. “You went to all that trouble for a jacket?”
“Not just any jacket. You’ve patched your current one well past its use, my dear. And goodness forbid that Detective Valentine not have his signature trenchcoat.”
He thought he might overheat entirely then, his cooling system shutting down. It wasn’t true, of course, but it felt that way in that moment. He felt so much affection for this human in this moment, taking the jacket with gentle fingers, running his fingers over the supple leather. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
Nate was blushing, grin wide. “Anytime, Valentine.”
Nick tried to tell himself that he wasn’t watching Nate, but he had too many CPU cores to convincingly lie to himself. He propped his face on one hand and watched as Nate crouched in front of one of Diamond City’s children and tried to convince him he didn’t need to cry. A bigger child, at least twice this tiny one’s age, had pushed him and skinned up the boy’s knees. The older child had gone running once Nate had borne down on him, even out of his armor and in the nice green shirt that brought out his eyes he was an intimidating wall of muscle and scars.
Nick gave up on pretending and enhanced his audio capabilities.
“Hmm, let’s see what I have in here.” Nate was digging through his bag now, on his way as they had been to sell some things and do other supply gathering. Nick had been ostensibly doing a bit of shopping on his own, but had instead settled on a stool at Takahashi’s and watched his companion stroll around the market, genial grin showing his teeth and his laughter somehow echoing above all the other sounds of the bustle.
“Here we go! Which would you like, kiddo? I have a teddy bear and a rocket ship.”
The sniffles from the child trailed off and Nick peeked again to see a look of wonder on the boy’s face. “Is the teddy bear really soft? Maggie from the upper stands has one that she never lets us touch, says we’re too dirty.”
Nick didn’t have to see Nate’s face to picture the quickly covered heartbreak that would be in his expression. “Well, why not hug him and see? If you like him, he can be yours for good.”
The boy was tentative as he reached out, but a grin was cracking his face in two as he smoothed his hand over the bear’s plush ears and gently took him from Nate’s hands. “Wow, he is soft! What’s his name?”
“Hmm, I’m not sure. Don’t you want to name him?”
“I’m not good at that stuff.”
“Well then, let’s see. Is this a girl bear or a boy bear?”
Nick tore his attention away again as someone sat at the stool beside him, an elbow nudging his side making him jerk and turn to them. “For a snoop, Nick, you’re not all that great at acting casual.”
He met Piper’s sardonic grin with a flat expression. “I have no idea what you mean.”
“And suddenly awful at playing innocent, too! What is up with you, Nicky V?” She cocked her head to the side and met his eyes, one of the few humans who did without discomfort, a frown creasing her brow. “You’re one of the smoothest of the smooth, Valentine. What’s up? Something I should worry about?”
He broke eye contact and looked toward where Takahashi was dishing up noodles. “Nothing to worry your pretty head over, Piper.”
In a show of fantastic timing, Nate was suddenly between their stools, grinning. “Ah, two of my favorite people!” A hand rested on Nick’s shoulder and Nate leaned against him easily, flashing a grin at Piper. “What’s the scoop, Newshawk? Anything we should know about before we go off wandering again?”
Her sharp eyes flicked from Nate to his hand to Nick, the frown crease growing deeper even as she plastered on a smile. “Just more stupidity from our esteemed mayor; nothing new. He’s dug his head so deeply into the sand on this one that the whole dang town could be taken by the Institute and he wouldn’t notice a thing.”
Nate nodded and gave a sympathetic grimace. “Well, on that note I should go finish stocking up so we can get out there. I might have some new information for you soon on that subject.”
They gave farewells and Nate walked by them, the hand on Nick’s shoulder giving a squeeze and lingering just long enough for Piper’s eyes to fall to the spot and stay there for long moments after Nate had walked away. He forced himself not to shy away when her eyes rose to his. “So.”
He cleared his throat and glanced away, saw Nate yet again and flicked his eyes back to Takahashi. Much safer. “So?”
“Am I mistaken or are you banging the Vault dweller?” she whispered harshly, one hand suddenly having seized his sleeve.
He startled and glanced back to her involuntarily. “What? No!”
“Coulda fooled me! I never see you touch nobody, Nicky, but he leans into you and you just adjust to it, he gets all touchy feely and you pat his hand like he’s your damn wife.” He’d done that? Nick once again barely avoided cringing in retrospect as his memory banks provided to him that yes, in fact, he had reached up to respond to the squeeze of his shoulder. “You two act like you’re married!”
Nick bristled, eyes narrowing in a glare. “Oh yeah, didn’t you get the invitation? Only crossed a few thousand Deathclaws on our way to Vegas to get hitched. Fashioned the leather and claws into a lovely dress for Nate, though.“ He rolled his eyes. “Of course there’s no relationship—“
“Sarcasm. Very mature. So then, you let all humans hang all over you?”
“—he is my partner and a damn good friend—“
“Partner. Right. Sounds about like banging to me.”
“—and there is nothing happening!”
Piper stared at him for long moments, eyes hard. “That so? Then you won’t mind me borrowing him for a night out, right? Figure a little liquor and a walk through the gardens and I can convince him to at least have a little fun.”
He had no control of whatever expression his face made in that moment, but whatever it was made Piper’s eyebrows fly up nearly to her hairline. Forget anything he ever said about Hancock being worse than Piper. “Holy shit, Nicky. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
He opened his mouth to deny the preposterousness of that when Nate himself sidled back up to them, his grin falling a little as he looked between them. His hand fell once again to Nick’s shoulder, thumb tracing one of the hidden bullet holes at his collarbone. “Everything alright, guys?”
Piper’s eyes flicked to the hand then up to Nate’s awkward, questioning smile and she plastered on an altogether false smile. “Of course, what’d be wrong Blue?”
Nate smiled a bit more freely, apparently not noting the falsity of that look. “Just paranoid, don’t mind me. Hey Nick, just wanted to tell you I’ll be back in a few minutes. I forgot I had something for the gals at the Science Center. Once I’m done there, though, we have an errand to run for the baseball bat vendor. Anything you need to get done?”
Nick shook his head, glancing up and giving a helpless twist of his lips. “Nah, I’m ready when you are.”
“Great! Be back in a flash.”
The human was once again loping off, two of the older children trailing in his wake and bouncing around him with shouted questions about his adventures. His laughter echoed even after he was out of sight.
Nick forced his eyes back to Piper who watched him with dark eyes and a rueful smile. “Well, I can’t say I blame you. How many people like him even exist this day and age? It seriously takes someone from a different time entirely to be that good and honest. At least it is obviously, disgustingly mutual.” There was a bitterness to her voice that he nearly wanted to apologize for, but he couldn’t bring himself to respond in any way that might be connoted as acceptance or agreement.
“You’re wrong, Piper. And even if you weren’t, it just ain’t possible.”
“Oh?”
It was an obvious ploy for him to explain why not, but he was too good for that. He shook his head. “Completely impossible. So take him out, whatever you want. He deserves a good time with someone who can show it to him.”
“You’re a fool if you don’t think he wants you like crazy, Valentine.”
He kept his eyes on his own hands, folded on the bartop. “Even if he did, it can’t work like that.”
“Never thought I’d see the day that Detective Nick Valentine was a coward. Damn. That’s just a tragedy.”
Something hot clogged his throat, totally unlike the warm non-feelings that Nate always inspired in him. “I’m no coward.”
“Just scared of letting yourself give a damn, that it?”
He stood and shook out his jacket where it had been crushed beneath him. “I’m done, Piper.”
“Ya better get over whatever hangups you’ve got, Nicky, or else someone else is gonna take him away. I know I can’t be the only one to have fallen for his charms. He’s too dang magnetic. But you’re a fool to pass up the chance when it is so obvious that he’s practically orbiting around you.”
He walked away towards the Science Center, leaving her behind, the only thought in his mind that she had it backwards. Nick was the one that gravitated to Nate, that orbited the bright, shining loveliness of all he was. But satellites did not collide with what they orbited without burning up.
They dragged themselves into Diamond City after midnight, several guards making snide remarks about the look and scent of them. Nate flipped off every one that commented, stumbling every so often as he trailed behind Nick.
They were utterly soaked through and still dripping wet. They hadn’t had to go far to get the items a vendor had requested, but the Mirelurks had taken them by surprise. Nick was pretty sure he had water pooled in his legs that had gotten in under his skin. Thankfully his components were waterproofed.
When the door to the agency was in sight, Nate let out a keening whine. “Oh thank goodness. I don’t even care if you don’t have anything dry that would fit me, I’m stripping the second the door is closed.”
Nick blinked and bit his tongue hard, willing himself not to reply as he’d initially wanted to. “I think I have something lying around. If nothing else, you can always wrap yourself up in that blanket you use when you sleep here.”
Not sweating meant that Nick needed fewer clothes than most, but just due to the dirt and grime of the Wasteland, he had a spare few suits stashed away for when he needed to clean or repair what he was wearing. He hoped the water didn’t do any irreparable damage to his trenchcoat; he’d so far managed to do very little damage to the one Nate had gifted him.
Nate hadn’t been joking, apparently. No sooner had Nick closed the door behind them than had Nick been dropping armor in a pile in the corner. He was undoing the buckles on his wrist guards when he turned his back on Nick. “Can you get the clasp on my chest piece?”
Nick unfroze himself from where he’d stopped right inside the door watching the human, forcing himself into motion to assist. “There you go,” he said quietly, dropping his hands and stepping away. He busied himself with his own clothes, peeling the trenchcoat off and hanging it over the radiator to dry. He then, without looking, made his way to the stairs and up to grab a dry suit.
He dropped the wet clothes in a pile and quickly pulled on dry trousers, hating the exposed feeling of being without anything over his ruined false skin. Next he draped a shirt around himself and was about to do up the buttons when steps sounded behind him.
He turned on instinct, motion stalling when he met Nate’s sheepish grin. “Got anything for me?”
His Vault suit was peeled down to the waist, leaving him shirtless and barefoot in nothing but that blue second skin only a foot away from Nick. Nick resisted his mind’s insistence that he needed to swallow hard before speaking, as he knew that was just memories of biology talking. “Y-Yeah, gimme a moment.”
Seemingly without any shame or nerves, Nate brushed by him to go to the bed. Nick’s eyes followed helplessly, staying trained on the musculature that was usually hidden under layers of clothing and armor, the way his scars on his back shifted as he walked. Nick couldn’t actually help the way his eyes dropped when Nate unselfconsciously shimmied out of the rest of his suit. Hancock’s comment about watching Nate leave popped into his head needlessly, and now that he could confirm it he had to second the idea that the vault suit really hid nothing. Other than the dusting of dark hairs that crept up Nate’s backside from his legs, it was precisely what he could see with the blue fabric covering.
Not that he looked. Often.
He hadn’t noticed he was staring until the blanket was between his eyes and Nate, which made him snap his gaze up to meet a terribly amused smirk on his companion’s lips. “Nick?”
“Ah…” Nick quickly went to the dresser and pulled out the drawer he kept his few meager clothing items in, wishing to hide from the knowing, sly look on Nate’s face. “Here we go. It’s just a t-shirt and trousers, but it is likely more comfortable to sleep in than a full suit would be.”
He turned and held out the bundle, trying to ignore the way Nate’s pale eyes dropped down Nick’s torso and dragged back up slowly, the smirk never leaving his face. “Thanks. Anything we need to take care of before I sleep?”
“Nah, get some shuteye.” Nick fumbled to do up his buttons, grabbing a tie as he made his way to the stairs. “We’ll take the goods to the market in the morning, then we can talk about where to head to next. Unless you have plans?”
He turned back when Nate was quiet for several moments, fingers stopped at the button on his mid-chest. Nate was looking at him with a queerly intent expression, a frown just barely present at the corner of his lips. “You know I’m not going to pounce on you or anything, right? I wouldn’t do something unwanted to anyone. You don’t have to run away.”
It was likely the most upfront and obvious expression of whatever it was between them that Nate had ever made. Something lurched in Nick, a spark that zinged along his circuits. He walked back to the human on the bed, awkward and attempting to mask it. “I’m not running from you, just figured you’d want to get sleeping soon.”
Now Nate’s lips turned up a bit, a wry expression. “Nick, I’m not an idiot. And I know you too well for that.” The smile turned sad. “I don’t ever want you to be so uncomfortable around me that you don’t enjoy my company.”
“You’re not—“ Nick’s words cut out as he lost what he wanted to say, hard drives whirring. I could never not enjoy being near you, he wished he could say. There’s nothing about you I don’t adore, if he were more optimistic. I’d stay with you forever if you let me, perhaps. But instead, Nick broke eye contact and sighed needlessly, looking at his own bare, mostly whole feet. “I’d tell you the minute you did anything that made me upset, uncomfortable, or that I didn’t want. All right?”
When Nate was silent again Nick chanced a glance back at the human, meeting fond green eyes. He was bare from the blanket at his waist up, the clothing Nick gave him clenched in his hands, staring at Nick with an expression he couldn’t name. With a quiet wish of sweet dreams, Nick slipped down the stairs and to his desk, propping up his feet and lighting a cigarette from the pack in his desk.
It wasn’t until an hour later that he finally classified that last look as one of hope and planning and realized that Nate’d took his comment as tacit permission for something. Nick didn’t know if he feared whatever that something was or if he was nearly giddy with anticipation, as the way his insides whirred resembled both too closely.
And perhaps it was both, after all.
They sat at the rail in the rickety upstairs of the market building Nate had built, beer in front of Nate as they chatted and watched life go on on the street below. Sanctuary was nearly teeming these days, its ramshackle walls housing a couple dozen folks who just wanted to live without being in fear constantly. Folks of all sorts were welcome in a way Diamond City never allowed, several ghouls Nate had met on his travels being integrated with the humans without issue. Hancock hung about here often because of this, keeping an eye on relations to be sure he didn’t need to kill any humans for offense and steal the ghouls back to Goodneighbor.
Nate indulged him too much. But as Nate indulged them, they all indulged Nate and trusted his judgment.
It had been a few weeks since they had been here, and Nick picked out several people around the bar that he hadn’t seen in town previously. The faces were often changing as folks learned of other settlements they could travel to, helped with the supply lines between locations, or just moved on after a break of peace and quiet.
Nate was happily recounting to the others at their table a story about how he’d donned a costume of some pre-war superhero and helped take out some gang leaders, pulling out a truly ridiculous voice to pronounce some lines in a campy, dramatic fashion. Several of the humans around them were nearly in tears with laughter, though, and Nick just looked fondly on as Nate amused and entertained.
The man’s beer was nearly empty. Nick signaled to Nate that he’d get him a new one and relished in the warmth he felt when the man paused to smile, fond and adoring, before continuing his tale.
The bar was crowded, as it always was in the evening, and Nick picked his way up to the counter to signal to the tender. “One more for your dear leader, please.”
The man, a settler that had been here almost as long as Nick had been coming around, grinned. “Coming right up, Mr. Valentine. Want me to put it on his tab?”
Nick smiled and dug in his pocket. “No need for that, I’ll pay like a normal customer.”
As he reached to grab the proffered bottle, his elbow nudged a woman slumped over the bar top. “Ah, ‘scuse me Miss. Didn’t mean to jostle you.”
She turned with bleary eyes and blinked at him, opening her mouth to reply. But then she seemed to focus, her indolent expression at once turning dark and fierce. “What the fuck are you?”
Nick raised a brow, taking as much of a step back as he could in the crowded space. “I’m Nick Valentine, ma’am. Private detective.”
Her face darkened yet more, standing and facing him in an aggressive stance. This wasn’t looking like it would be a positive interaction. “You ain’t even trying to hide it, you metal piece of shit. How dare you flaunt yourself around normal people?”
Nick held up a hand – his flesh one, to not risk making her more angry – and tried to soothe her. “I’m not one of the Institute’s sorts, ma’am. I’m here because I travel with the guy who helps run this place.”
She was shaking. “Excuses! Who are you here for, you sick synth asshole? You’re not taking me!”
Nate was between he and the woman in the next instant, a hand planted on her sternum and his posture rigid. “I think you should calm down, ma’am,” he said in his most conciliatory tone, but Nick could see the vibrating tension in the man’s shoulders. “Nick is a dear friend and I won’t have you putting your uninformed ideas on him.”
“He’s a synth!” she shouted, calling attention of several more people nearby than had already been paying attention. “He’s not human in the slightest! You can’t be friends with something that can’t feel emotion.”
The hand at Nate’s side clenched into a fist, and Nick needed to intervene before this escalated. He placed his palm on Nate’s shoulderblade and leaned in, murmuring into his ear. “It’s nothing, Dollface. Let it be. This isn’t anything I haven’t heard before, and folks like her don’t want to hear anything positive about my sort. Can’t blame them, with all the Institute has done around here.”
Nate turned, one pale green eye drilling into Nick. “Ignorance is no excuse for bigotry!” He turned back to the woman, who took a small step back at whatever expression the man had on his face. “If you want to keep on living here safe and sound, you need to go mind your own business. Nick has been a better person than anyone I’ve met since I woke up in this world, with more empathy for people like you than most humans would show. Now back off before I make you back off.”
Her hard expression wavered into fear as color drained from her face, but even as pride wiped the terrified expression from her face it didn’t stop her from darting away, disappearing quickly down the bar’s stairs and into the night of Sanctuary.
Some of those nearby were still watching warily, one even with a weapon in hand. The Minuteman, Preston, approached with a small frown creasing his brow. “Everything all right, General?”
Nate turned, face flushed and eyes hard. Nick was (as he often was these days) glad he had no need of breathing, as his chest compressed in reaction to the protective rage on those dear features. “Everything’s fine, Pres. Sorry about that.”
“No problem,” the man said with slightly relaxing shoulders. “Anyone you vouch for is fine by me, and your loyalty is one of the things we all love best about you, man. Just maybe try not to terrify the newcomers too much, huh?”
Nate’s fierce expression slowly melted into a sheepish one, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. He met Nick’s eyes for a moment and the color high on his cheeks spread tellingly. “Yeah, sorry.”
Preston slapped a hand to Nate’s shoulder and guffawed. “Thought you might blow a gasket there for a minute, General. I think that one will know better than to cross you from now on. I’ll try to do a better job of making sure the newcomers understand we accept all sorts here.”
“You’re the best,” Nate said with a grin, shoulders still tight. “Think I’ll call it a night, though, if it isn’t too much trouble.”
“Sounds good to me. I have some maps for you to look over in regards to our siege plans, come see me in the morning?”
“Will do.”
A hand wrapped around Nick’s wrist and tugged gently, Nate’s tight smile meeting him when he looked up. “Come on, let’s go back to mine.”
Nate didn’t release Nick’s wrist even as he said his goodbyes, though obviously Nick was going to follow. It seemed to relax him, though, to keep a grip, so Nick said nothing even as more than a few of the settlers nearby shot them surreptitious looks.
Nate only let go once they’d reached his house, stepping forward and collapsing into a wide armchair near the window. “Sorry about all that, Nick.”
Nick sighed and lowered himself into the adjacent chair with a slight grind of the hip joint he hadn’t performed field surgery on. He’d have to remember to grab some oil soon before it got any worse. He flicked his eyes up to Nate’s and held his gaze, pulling out a cigarette and twirling it with his thin, metal fingers. “You know stuff like that don’t bother me. I hardly even accept myself as being all that human-like. Like I’ve told ya before, everything I am is owed to the man whose face and memories I was given. I’d just be another pile of junk without him, long-dead most likely. I’m just glad there are people like you and your friend back there who can see past it all.”
The blush in Nate’s cheeks hadn’t fully abated, but his pale eyes narrowed now and lent the flush a more angered tone. “It doesn’t have to bother you to bother me. I know that I’ve yet to convince you otherwise, but you don’t deserve that crap. You shouldn’t have to feel grateful just because someone treats you like a human instead of a monster.”
Nick sighed and put the cigarette back into his pocket, curling his metal hand around his jaw and propping his face there. “Sweetheart, ya need to listen to me. That reaction was tame in comparison to some of the crap I get. Think about Myrna at the Surplus stand in Diamond City. I’ve known her since she was a kid but she still treats me like that. I don’t blame her and I certainly don’t blame strangers. Think about all the Institute and their synths have done to people in the Commonwealth. How can I really be mad when someone sees me, obviously not human in the slightest, and gets upset?”
“Because they shouldn’t be judging someone just going about their life. What someone looks like or what they’re made of isn’t the same thing as who they are.”
“Your optimism and good-heartedness is good to see these days, but it doesn’t change reality. Most humans have lived their whole lives being told bedtime stories of the scary synths that’ll come and whisk them away, never to see their family again. Look at me, Nate. Really look at me.” He waited until Nate flicked his eyes away from Nick’s and instead looked over the rest of him. “I’m a beat up old robot, nothing more or less. I’m literally half falling apart. I know you care, and you’re a great friend, but you have to look at the reality of my life.”
Nate’s lips were pursed but Nick plowed on to try and drive the point home.
He stood and walked to stand in front of his seated partner, tipping back his head and using his bare hand to gesture to his neck. “Metal, circuitry, and wires, Dollface. Other than this worn, half ruined synthetic skin over top, that’s all I am. They’re right to be scared; most other synths they find would harm them. I know…”
Here Nick paused, fingers clenching and unclenching as he let his chin fall and met Nate’s eyes once more. He’d made a point of ignoring their… flirtation or whatever it should be called, never referring to it directly if he could help it. But he couldn’t really come up with a better way to make his case. He crouched in front of the human. “I know we’re close, and I know you manage to ignore the reality of things pretty well for the most part. But I am not human, Nate. I don’t eat and I don’t sleep. I have internal components that generate warmth and a coolant system to keep me from overheating. The only heart I’ve got is more of a manufacturing joke than anything else.”
Nate was starting to look indignant. “Damnit, Nick, you know—“
Nick shook his head. “Let me say my bit, please.” He held up his hands flat before him, one flesh and one metal. “Look, sweetheart. This?” He wriggled his metal fingers. “That’s all that’s under this.” He wiggled the other before picking up one of Nate’s hands. “Even with the fake skin, thick and soft enough as it is, since I don’t have any sort of fluids under the surface, my hand’s always cold. Most of me is, really, to a human at least. The components in my chest and head that do generate heat don’t tend to radiate it out all that far, especially with how much of the skin is damaged to let the heat out.”
Nick kept his eyes on their joined hands, on Nate’s slowly whitening knuckles as he tightened his grip. Nick was glad that his sensors were good enough to have sensation there, as he basked in the warmth of the man before him even as he couldn’t look up and meet his eyes. “I’m never gonna be a human, no matter how human-like I may act. That isn’t gonna change no matter how well intentioned you are.”
The fingers of Nate’s free hand wrapped in Nick’s tie and jerked him forward, making his eyes fly up to meet the human’s glare. “I cannot believe you think any of that matters to me!”
“Of course it matters!” Nick was a bit tired of the optimism and willful blindness. “Even if I weren’t falling apart, I’d still be what I am. I don’t know what you think you want from me, but you aren’t gonna get it, Nate! I am literally incapable of quite a few things humans need just because of how I was manufactured. I’m not one of the newest generation. They have systems to mimic blood, heartbeats, lungs. You’ve had your damned hands shoved into my neck; you know I haven’t got anything like that. And to top it off—“
He’d meant to follow up with any number of things, but suddenly found himself yanked further forward still, straight into Nate’s mouth. The man slipped free his gripped hand when Nick’s went slack, wrapping it around the back of his neck while the other stayed tangled in Nick’s tie. Nick catalogued the sensations of the harsh kiss: warmth radiating through and against him, the give and softness of the lips against his, electricity zinging through his wiring like he was short-circuiting, the rasp of Nate’s eternal stubble against his cheek. The kiss gentled soon enough, and Nick was surprised to find his eyes closed as Nate pressed kiss after kiss on his lips, fingers now cradling his face.
The human’s voice was low, breath hot against Nick’s mouth between kisses, never backing away. “None of that matters to me. You’re you, Nick. Yes, your base personality came from someone from my time, but you’re just you.” Nate kissed him again, deeper now, and Nick couldn’t help falling into it, tangling both hands in the man’s hair and inhaling slowly through his nose for all that he didn’t need to. “It was never and never will be about who you are on the outside. I want you because you’re Nick, not because of what you look like, what you are, or what you can do for me. I don’t care if I can never have more than just this, I don’t need it. I just need you to understand how much you mean to me.”
Nick released a low, frustrated noise from his throat, glad his technology was advanced enough to mimic a full range of human emotiveness vocally. He yanked at Nate’s hair as he spoke, trying to get his point across. “You’re being a damned fool, you know.”
Nate seemed to ignore him, pressing his lips against Nick’s again and pulling until Nick was half-sprawled on his lap. Nick yanked at his hair again until Nate made an irritated noise against his mouth, giving Nick the opportunity to suck his lower lip into his mouth. His teeth might be metal, but they’d had to do a lot of intricate work on his tongue and mouth to allow him to mimic human speech. He could do this at least. He licked into the human’s mouth and kissed him until Nate was making keening noises and pressing himself more fully up against Nick, fingers digging into the back of his trenchcoat.
It was hot in a way Nick hadn’t been sure his body could get. He could almost feel his pulse hammering, for all that he didn’t have one, felt the need to melt into the human overwhelmingly, skin too tight and chest too small to contain the feelings simmering inside. But he broke away, relishing in the tempo of Nate’s heavy breaths over his mouth even as he forced himself to be rational. “A damned fool, sweetheart. You realize it can’t ever go farther than this right here, right? Not for lack of wish or will, but because I literally haven’t got the hardware.”
Nate’s arms tightened around him, making him open his eyes and sit up enough to level a frank look at the human that spoke of his seriousness. He was ignored, though, and Nate’s jaw set. “Two things you’re not getting, Nick. First of all, even without this much I’d be happy just to keep being near you. I told you, it’s who you are that I care about. But secondly, I am plenty creative enough to think of ways to go further if we were both amenable. But that’s seriously not important to me.”
Nick rolled his eyes and lowered himself down into the man’s lap more firmly, dragging a strangled squeak out of him. “You were saying?”
“Asshole.” Nate glared, lips puckering in a pout that simultaneously made Nick want to laugh and brought home the unreality of their situation. He was straddling a human, his synthetic lips still damp and his circuitry feeling like he was going to overload, in the half-wrecked house the man had lived in two-hundred years prior when Nick had actually been Nick. Hell. “But that’s just an indicator of wanting, not needing. I don’t need anyone’s help to take care of that. I don’t need to get off with someone to care about them. And while I can think of plenty of ways you could assist in the process if you had the inclination, all I actually need is to keep you with me. The rest of this, of anything else? It’s all just extra.”
Damn if that wasn’t tempting. Nick’s non-existent heart lurched and he kept his eyes locked on pale green, watching the human’s eyes flick over his face. “Anyway, for all your self-depreciation, I still think you’re plenty pretty, Nicky.”
Nick rolled his eyes hard, nearly grinding the ocular sockets. “I still think you’re crazy, Dollface.”
“Yeah, but I’m crazy for you, so that makes it alright, right?”
Nick couldn’t think of a reply that properly captured his resignation, his exasperation, and his adoration. So instead he just sighed, rolled his eyes once more, and kissed his human to keep him quiet.
It’d work for the moment, at least.