Work Text:
Interviewer: “So, Bojan, rumor has it you don’t have a girlfriend.”
Bojan: “I don’t.”
Interviewer: “Are you looking for one right now?”
Bojan: “No.”
Interviewer: “No? Why not? Doesn’t seem fair to all the ladies out there!”
Bojan: “Wouldn’t be fair to my boyfriend for me to go looking for a girlfriend either, would it?”
Kris, shocked: “You have a boyfriend?!”
Bojan, equally shocked: “You don’t?!”
Kris: “I didn’t think I did!”
Bojan: “Why wouldn’t you think you do?!”
Kris: “Because he never said anything about wanting to be boyfriends!”
Bojan: “Maybe he didn’t say anything because he assumed that after all these years it was obvious we already were!”
Kris: “Not to me!”
Bojan: “Well it should have been!”
Kris: “Wait, what do you mean YEARS? How long do you think we - I - have had a boyfriend?!”
Bojan: “9 years?”
Kris: “NINE YEARS?! How do you figure NINE YEARS?! That would have been - Bojan, do you think we’ve been dating since you were FOURTEEN?!”
Bojan: “Obviously not - it took us like a year to get together! We met, you flirted, I flirted back-“
Kris: “I called your songs terrible-“
Bojan: “Kris, everyone knows hatred is your love language.”
Kris: “But I wasn’t flirting then! I genuinely thought your band was shit!”
Bojan: “If it was so shit then why did you learn guitar for me?!”
Kris: “I was TRYING to IMPRESS you!”
Bojan: “WELL IT WORKED!”
Kris: “GOOD!”
Bojan: “And then I knew when you took me to meet your parents-“
Kris: “You’d begged since day 1 to meet my dad because of his songs!”
Bojan: “I had to tell you that because I couldn’t tell you I was already planning our wedding in my head so I had to ask-“
Kris: “You’ve been planning our wedding since we were FOURTEEN?!”
Bojan: “Well, you were fourteen - I was fifteen.”
Kris: “YOU’VE BEEN PLANNING OUR WEDDING SINCE I WAS FOURTEEN AND DIDN’T TELL ME?!”
Interviewer: “We can, uh, cut this bit out before it’s posted-“
Jan: “Oh no, you’d better leave every second of this in so everyone knows what level of dumbassery I’ve had to deal with for those same ten long years.”
Kris, ignoring them: “But we’ve had girlfriends! You had Käärijä!”
Bojan: “Well, I mean, we did break up a few times after you cheated on me-“
Kris: “It wasn’t cheating if I didn’t know I was in a relationship with you!”
Bojan: “Why else did you think I cancelled the wedding?”
Kris: “What wedding?!”
Bojan: “In Thailand!”
Kris: “THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR WEDDING?! You didn’t even GO to Thailand!”
Bojan: “Well obviously not - you broke my heart cheating on me with Nace!”
Nace: “Woah, do NOT drag me into this!”
Kris: “I never cheated on you with NACE! Just because we did a few interviews together and had a spa day together-“
Bojan: “YOU TOOK HIM TO OUR SPA?!”
Kris: “I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS OURS, OKAY? Also - I know you appreciate how good he looks now because you can’t stop touching him on stage!”
Bojan: “You humped him on stage first!”
Kris: “You blindfolded Jan!”
Bojan: “Would you rather I choke you again instead?!”
Kris: “YES!”
Bojan: “…”
Kris: “…”
Bojan: “I, uh, just remembered Kris and I have a very important, um, otherwise scheduled event-“
Jan: “You don’t have to pretend anymore now that you’ve thoroughly outed yourselves on camera - go fuck it out and don’t come back until you can stop eye-fucking each other.”
Jure: “But then they’d never come back.”
Jan: “True. So just don’t come back until you can stop screaming at each other.”
Jure: “But-“
Jan: “Fuck, yeah, I see my mistake there. How about just don’t come back until we have to go on stage?”
Jure: “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”
Bojan: “… can we borrow Nace?”
Jan: “NO! He’s MINE!”
Nace: “I’m yours? 🥹🥹🥹”
Jan: “I mean, if you’ll have me? 👉👈 “
Nace: “Of COURSE I’ll have you!”
Jan: 🥰🥰🥰
Nace: 🥰🥰🥰
Jure: “I hate this band.”