Archive of Our Own

“You return like Autumn, and I fall all the time.”

She’s in Ben’s dorm room, snuggling under his blanket to suppress a shiver. With all the rich kids attending Columbia, you’d think they could afford a better heating system. Instead, Devi has to embrace the chill of Ben’s room whenever she visits. 

Ben says his cold room motivates him to explore the city. She thinks that’s bullshit. Princeton’s superior ventilation system allows her to have fun in and outside her dorm. When she brings this up, they continue the never-ending argument about who’s attending the best Ivy League.

While Devi enjoyed their lively discussions before, it’s even better now. Instead of their arguments ending in the slamming of lockers, they end in bodies pressed against walls. Their barbs take the form of biting lips, shoving shoulders turn into soft caresses, and their silver tongues find more pleasing ways to drive the other crazy. 

Sometimes, though, their fights end more innocently. Ben would roll his eyes at whatever cutting remark she made, curl an arm around her waist, and pull her body to his. While a well-layered outfit and perfectly spiced chai work wonders against the cold, it’s Ben who provides her unfailing warmth amid the East Coast fall. 

It’s September—the time when things begin again. The leaves scattered on the ground make it clear that she’s no longer in California. Yet, whenever she sees Ben’s feet on the pavement next to hers, the colors take on a more familiar shade.

Ben’s skin is still damp from the shower when he exits the bathroom (which he shares with the students next door). She watches as he shutters, goosebumps erupting over his arms. He quickly throws on some sweatpants and the shirt Devi got him that says, “My girlfriend is hotter than you.” He refuses to wear it in public. But she often sees him in it during their late-night FaceTimes.

Ben’s hand reaches out to his desk chair, probably to grab the sweatshirt he left there. But it’s not there anymore. He frowns when his hand meets the empty air, heading to the dresser to investigate further. His agitation increases with every drawer he opens that doesn’t produce his sweatshirt. Devi presses her lips together, holding back a laugh. She really shouldn’t enjoy torturing her boyfriend as much as she does. But as they say, old habits die hard. 

After slamming the bottom drawer shut, he walks towards his closet. But halfway there, he abruptly halts, stopping in the middle of the room. Ben turns slowly towards her. Once he sees what she’s wearing, his eyes narrow, and she can’t hold back any longer, bursting out laughing. 

“Devi, this is getting out of hand. You have to leave me with at least one sweatshirt!”

She catches her breath, toying with the strings of the hoodie. “Whatever. You have, like, ten of them.”

“Yeah, seven of which you have in your closet back in Jersey!”

“So that leaves you with three. That’s enough to cycle between. So, stop complaining.” Ben steps towards the bed, hands on his hips as he scowls at her. Devi raises her eyebrows, her smirk turning flirtatious as she lets the covers of the bed slip ever so slightly, revealing her bare legs. “You know, most guys like it when girls wear their clothes.”

“David, I love when you wear my clothes.” He sits beside Devi, languidly scanning her up and down. “Well, almost as much as I like you not wearing anything.” 

She smiles smugly and gives into Ben’s gravitational pull. “Oh yeah?”

Ben’s eyes dip to her mouth. Devi thinks she’s gotten away with it, but he pulls back a second before their lips touch. 

“Hey, don’t distract me!” 

Devi flops her back against the mattress. “You’re the one who brought up the subject of taking off clothes.”

“No, I brought up the subject of a lack of clothes.” Devi rests her head on the pillow, amused that her dorky boyfriend would rather prove a point than get his girlfriend naked. “Look, I know my stuff is enticing to steal because I wear such high-end materials, and they almost fit you—.”

“They don’t almost fit me, Ben. They do fit me.” Devi pulls down on the bottom of the sweatshirt that reaches her hips, proving her point. “Do I need to mention how I saved your ass with the Columbia rep?”

Ben’s cheeks redden. “No, that moment lives vividly in my mind, believe me.” 

She giggles, remembering his astonished expression when she started changing in front of him in the bathroom. Back then, she’d pushed it aside, not wanting to explore the depths of his reaction. But the memory is more accessible with a present perspective. 

Ben gives her that familiar exasperated yet fond gaze. “Forget it. Next time I buy a sweatshirt, I’ll give it straight to you. It’ll save us both some time.”

“You can’t do that!” 

She curses herself as soon as the words leave her mouth. Ben scrunches his eyebrows, obviously puzzled. She sinks beneath the sheets and prays that they’ll swallow her whole. 

Ben throws in an anchor to stop that dream from becoming a reality, pulling the covers back. “Why not?”

“Because….” 

“Because what?”

Devi groans, covering her face with her hands. “Forget it.”

Ben pricks her fingers away from her face one by one. He lowers them to her sides slowly, patient in a way she wouldn’t have thought him capable of back when they were merely enemies. But she knows him better now. She understands there’s a steadiness to him that only a few people like her get to see. A consistent goodness that lies behind his puffed-up ego. 

He tilts her chin with his index finger, drawing her eyes to his vast blue ones. 

“Devi.”

There’s a softness to his voice, firm but gentle, like the crackle of a campfire. It’s a comforting sound that makes you want to lean in closer. So she does, bowing her head and sighing against his shoulder. 

“Because...itwontsmelllikeyou.”

“What?” 

“Because if you don’t wear it before I take it, it won’t smell like you, okay?” Devi explains louder, feeling like her face is burning. “It’s just…being apart from each other so much sucks. When I wear your sweatshirts, it feels like you’re not as far away.” She takes a deep breath, picking at a blanket thread to avoid his eyes. “Okay, go ahead. Make fun of me.” 

“Devi, I would never make fun of you.” At her raised eyebrow, he bites back a smile. “Okay, fine, I would. And I have. Many times, in fact. But I wouldn’t make fun of you for something like this.”

Before Devi can throw the sheets over herself again, Ben loops a hand around her waist, tugging her to him. She doesn’t fight it, curling against his side. 

“Do you know how you always sleep on the right side of the bed?”

“Yeah. So?”

“So, I never use my pillow on the right, even when you’re not here. It smells like your perfume and coconut shampoo.” Devi raises her head from his chest, her embarrassment slightly waning at the sight of his pink cheeks. “When I’m alone, it makes me feel closer to you.” 

“Wow, that is so…gross.” His expression pivots to his trademark glare. She leans up, laughing. “I’m kidding, Ben. That’s sweet.”

She reaches her hands out, cupping his cheeks and guiding his lips to hers. The scowl on his face slips away, and the insecurities she’d been feeling inside dwindle. She knots her fingers through his hair and kisses him like they’ve got all the time in the world. Which, of course, they don’t. They’re college students who usually resort to having top ramen for every meal of the day. In their defense, they’ve both found ways to make it more delectable. In her case, adding sriracha and, in his case, chopped vegetables he gets in those ready-to-go packs from the grocery store. It makes Ben think he’s eating healthier than he is.  

“I love you,” Devi says when she parts from the kiss. “So much.”

“I love you too.” Ben kisses her again. “Much more.”  

She lays a hand flat on his chest. “Don’t enter a fight you can’t win.” 

“Why not? You do it all the time.”

Devi uses the hand on his chest to push him so his back falls against the mattress. She hears the huff of his laughter that mixes with her own as they grapple. Eventually, Ben swings them around so he’s the one on top of her. He pins her hands above her head on the pillow. 

“You give up, David?” Ben asks, his smile broad and as mesmerizing as always. 

She shakes her head, her lips ghosting near his as she whispers, “Never.”

What is even more beautiful than his smile is the gleam in his eyes right before he kisses her again—telling her that was the answer he hoped to hear. 

…

Of all the bathrooms to have a panic attack, this is a pretty nice one. 

Devi’s newfound sanctuary is in the recently constructed science building. The blue tile is fairly chipless, the mirrors free of cracks, and the toilet seats don’t have that weird off-kilter thing that all the ones in the Language and Literature building do. 

Those poor English students can’t catch a break. 

Devi takes a deep breath. She slides down the bathroom stall wall, facing the toilet. Her hands shake as she scrolls through her phone contacts. Luckily, despite being late, Ben answers on the second ring. 

“Hey, David! I was going to call you when I got back to my dorm. Evan made me go to this supper club in Midtown. Before you tell me how boujee it sounds, it’s pretty cool. Broadway actors put on showcases here a lot. Eleanor would love it. Ahmad got us in. I guess he knows Derek Klena, and—.” 

Ben must hear the shake of her breath, ceasing mid-speech. The singer’s vibrato fades into the background as he finds a quieter area to stand. 

“Devi, what’s wrong?”

She takes a few seconds, breathing in and out, doing that shoulder movement technique Dr. Ryan taught her. It helps calm her heartbeat. But she still feels untethered from her body, floating somewhere above and not recognizing the girl trembling below. 

She’d been at an evening lecture, drinking a cup of coffee in one hand as she took notes with the other. Devi hadn’t been able to focus on the speaker, running through flashcards she had made for an upcoming history test in her mind. She also couldn’t stop worrying about the chemistry presentation she still needed to finish. Then, she remembered she’d promised her roommate Jazmin that she’d go to a computer science mixer tomorrow. 

When the guest speaker moved on to take questions, the room began to close in on her. It was like the stress of all the past few weeks finally caught up to her. She couldn’t think. Her mind buzzed with a noise she couldn’t decipher. 

Devi bolted from her seat after the speaker answered the last question, abandoning the remnants of her coffee to make a quicker escape. 

“Can…can you just talk?” Devi asks, squeezing her eyes shut. “I want to hear your voice.”

“Yeah. Yes—okay. Sure.” Devi sighs in relief, thankful that Ben doesn’t press further for more information, probably knowing that’s not what she needs right now. “Uh…do you remember when we first met?”

Just as he can’t see her, she can’t see him. But, she somehow knows he nods just as he knows she shakes her head. They’re still in sync, even miles and miles away. 

“Yeah, I don’t either. It’s weird how the most important relationships have fuzzy beginnings.” 

His voice is low and gentle. Devi’s breath steadies as she focuses on it, grounding her in reality. 

“It makes sense, though. You don’t need to remember someone’s first words to you when they’ll probably be there for your last.” 

Somehow, the subtext in that doesn’t scare her. It should, but it doesn’t. While it’s far too soon to talk about their future in a plural sense, she knows Ben will be there. Because how could he not be? He’s already entrenched himself into her very being. If she looked at her blood underneath a microscope, Ben Gross would somehow be there amongst the plasma. 

“I remember meeting Fab and Eleanor, but the details are kind of blurry,” Devi says, swallowing to help her throat that’s somehow gone dry even though she’s hardly talked during the past two hours. “They just…fit into my life, I guess.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Ben says. “I don’t remember if we met during a spelling test or a math quiz, but I remember how you made me feel. I wasn’t just annoyed or angry. I was excited.” She smiles shakily, feeling nostalgic for the time of fruit-scented erasers and folders that, for some reason, showcased tigers amongst rainbows. “You gave as good as you got. I liked that. You may have hated me, but you knew who I was.”

A lump forms in Devi’s throat, and she swallows to keep it at bay. “Ben…”

“Our rivalry helped me feel less alone, in a weird way.” He pauses, and she hears him let out a staggered exhale. “I was so fucking lonely, Devi.”

The deep hollowness of his voice settles on his tongue with such familiarity that it makes her sick. While she owes Ben’s parents big time for taking her in during her first year of high school, a part of her will always resent them for how worthless they made him feel all those years. They bragged about him to their friends but forgot about him once they encountered something shinier. For so long, Ben thought love came with conditions, something he had to earn through grades and accolades. 

While her mom had always pushed Devi to be successful, she was always happy as long as she did her best. Devi used to take that for granted a lot. Ben was one of the big reasons she didn’t anymore. He’d snapped her out of her daze and drove her to Malibu to reunite with the only family she had left. 

“But,” Ben begins again, his voice more concrete this time. “I never was lonely with you. Never. So, thank you for that.”

Ben’s words seep into her like water seeps into lava. They fill all her seams and hollows. He somehow could take the darkest parts of herself and create something beautiful out of it, forming an opal with a kaleidoscope of colors.  

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

As she releases a breath, she feels tears well in her eyes. They don’t sting like they did minutes prior. No, these tears don’t burst from a floodgate. Instead, they slowly glide down her cheeks, awakening the ache in her chest that never goes away until she sees Ben face to face again. 

“I miss you.”

“I’m right here, baby.”

She laughs, but it sounds more like a snuff due to her nose running. “Baby?”

“Hey, I was trying it out!” 

“I didn’t hate it, but we can do better,” she says, wiping underneath her nose. “Anyways, you know what I mean.”

Ben sighs. “I know. But it’s not going to be like this forever.”

“Yeah, but it’s like this now, and it sucks.”

For a moment, she sits there, feeling the cold tile of the floor beneath her fingertips. She listens to Ben’s breathing, wondering what kind of song would play in the background of this moment if they were in a movie. Despite the pain and the panic, she doesn’t think the song would be sad. While there’s plenty of material between them to pump out a few heartbreaker hits, this isn’t one of them. If anything, the song’s tentative. It delicately exposes the heart with a prominent but soft crescendo. 

“What can I do?”

“Nothing. Go back, enjoy your night. According to Eleanor, Derek Klena is the ‘Biceps of Broadway.’ Her words, not mine.” 

“It’s fine. I heard most of the set. There’s only like ten minutes left.”

“Ben—.”

“What else do you want me to talk about?” 

She inhales, turning to rest her head against the stall. “Anything. Just talk to me, Ben.”

She pictures his smile, the image of dimples breaking through the haze and making her feel like he’s right beside her—where he should be, where she wants him, and where he somehow always is. 

“David, you’re in luck because that happens to be one of my favorite things to do.”  

…

Being Ben’s girlfriend is unsurprisingly better than being his nemesis. They hold hands while waiting in line for coffee, cuddle under a blanket while watching a movie, and get distracted while studying in the corner of the library. 

Well, they don’t usually get distracted for long. They have grade point averages to maintain, after all. 

Those are all things they could have done back in high school. But, this time around, there’s more communication. More honestly. More affection.

(Also, more sex, which they were getting pretty frickin good at, if she said so herself).

Being Ben’s girlfriend also means she has a go-to plus one for parties. No longer is she the Devi Vishwakumar who falls into pools or chats up coyotes. Now, she has a hot nerd to dance and mock drunk college kids with. 

This time, Ben made the trek over to her side of town. They were at a Halloween party at Jazmin’s friend’s house, Sylvia. She could afford a house off campus due to her father getting cast in an upcoming Michael Schur sitcom. Devi begrudgingly told Ben this, knowing he would spend all night hounding Sylvia for an inside scoop about the show’s premise if he had the choice. 

But, he promised he wouldn’t bug Sylvia if they could go as characters from one of Schur’s other series. They landed on The Good Place. She’s wearing a blue diamond print blouse with a purple vest and skirt. Ben’s wearing a green sweat suit, a baseball cap, and a frat boy chain around his neck she had to convince him to wear after mocking it last year. 

Jazmin’s with them, wearing the Fleabag black jumpsuit with fake blood dripping from her nose. She’s telling Ben the tale of the disastrous date she went on last night with a guy who turned out to be a Bronie. Her roommate rolled her eyes at something Ben said but smiled soon after. 

Although Jazmin liked them both, Devi could tell she was still getting used to their dynamic as a couple. She hadn’t grown up alongside their intensity like their other friends. So, Jazmin was a bit winded, to say the least, when the three of them went to a quiz night at a local coffee shop. 

They’d also gone to the quiz night with Ben’s roommate Evan and friend Ahmad. Ben and Evan got along quickly, as they were both basketball freaks already planning their March Madness lineups. As for Ahmad, Ben met him in his Poly Sci class. They spent most of their time geeking about Sci-Fi shows, dissecting each episode as if they were podcasters trying to get a Hello Fresh sponsorship. 

Ben bites back an endeared smile as Devi belts the last lyric to a song playing through a nearby stereo. Jazmin whispers good luck to Ben before turning away and talking to a few people from their Nutrition class. She’s probably asking them if they think having a Rainbow Dash tattoo is a red flag. 

“I feel so amazing!” Devi shouts, causing fellow partygoers in the house to whoop to her assessment. She leans against Ben’s side, nestling her head against his chest. It’s quickly becoming one of her favorite places. “I can’t believe you decided to take us here.” 

“I didn’t decide anything. I recall you dragging me out of your dorm room as you cackled like an evil witch.”  

“Yeah, but you had fun once we got here. We ate some dope dip, danced, and convinced Sylvia to play something upbeat instead of that lame, slow stuff.” 

“David, it was Hozier. His poetic lyrics and hauntingly beautiful voice are not lame.”

“But they are for a party. You want to bore people to death?”

Ben’s mouth twitches. “Well, I have planned your demise many times.”

Devi raises her head so it rests on his shoulder. “Oh really, what ways have you thought of getting rid of your greatest foe?”

“I considered combustion, but it leaves too much evidence at the crime scene.”

“Obviously.”

“Then, I considered pushing you off a boat. But, I’d get seasick.” 

“Such a weak constitution,” Devi tuts. 

“But, luckily for you, I ultimately decided to subdue my murderous tendencies.” Ben gazes down at her with a sly smile, his fingers squeezing her hip. “You’re not all that terrible to be around.”

“Wow, how generous of a sentiment,” Devi says. But her sarcasm is lost by the way she slurs the last word. She giggles, taking another swing of her second…wait, third beer?

Ben bites his lower lip, trying to refrain from laughing. “You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not. I’m buzzed. I’m as buzzed as a bee. Buzz buzz buzz.” Devi obnoxiously buzzes right in his ear and tips his hat so it covers his eyes. After he grimaces, she swings her arms around his neck and gasps, “Buzz Lightyear!”

Ben pushes up his hat before placing a steady hand on her waist. “What?”

“Buzz Lightyear! Chris Evans plays him in that one movie. Man, what’s it called?”

“Lightyear?” Ben supplies, unable to stop a chuckle from leaving his throat. 

“Yeah, that’s the one!” 

“Wow, that’s fascinating,” Ben drawls, attempting to guide Devi to the cooler a few feet away. “Why don’t you tell me more about his acting career while you drink some water.”

Devi refuses to unlock her hands, keeping the bottle in her grasp against his neck, forcing them to shuffle over there. They looked utterly ridiculous. But Devi has had many embarrassing displays in her high school career. What’s one more in college? 

“What about my beer?” Devi whines. 

“Uh, you drank all of it.”

“I did not.”

“Yeah, you did.” He reaches behind him, grabbing her bottle. He dips it upside down, dumping the rest of the contents into a potted plant on the counter. “See, it’s empty.”

“No, the flowers will get drunk! They’re not of age!”

“I think that’s a little hypocritical to criticize flowers for overindulgence, considering your current state.” He grabs one of her hands. “Let’s go upstairs.”

“Why?”

“You need to sober up. We’re meeting your mom for breakfast tomorrow. If you show up hungover, she’ll ground you until you’re eighty-two.”

“Wrong. She’d ground me into my next life, which those flowers probably won’t live to see because you poisoned them!”

Ben tugs her hand, leading her to the staircase. “Come on, David.”

“You know, your bossiness is a turn-on. What does that say about me?”

“God, it’s going to be so hard not holding any of this over your head. You’re giving me the bullets and the weapon to point at you. You realize that, right?”

“I think it has to do with how your jaw clenches,” Devi continues, ignoring him. “It’s like you’re the bad boy love interest in a BookTok novel.”

“Sorry, David, I’m just trying to keep you from having a headache in the morning. I’m not a bad boy.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re a nerd. A loveable nerd who I sleep with on the regular. One time in that closet right there!” She says, pointing to the closet and causing some people’s heads to turn up and look at them. 

“David, if you keep yelling about our sex life, we’ll be on Lady Whistleboy tomorrow! I heard Eric has spies on campuses nationwide.”

“I don’t care who knows.” She faces the few people loitering in the hallway to prove her point and cups her hands over her mouth. “Hey, everyone! I’m in love with Benjamin Gross. That’s right, this dork, right over here! He’s my boo-thang!” 

A girl from her Psych 101 class dressed as a newsie gives her a bemused look. “Um, congrats?”

She turns back around. “See, Ben? Nobody cares. Do you care?”

“No, I don’t. But you may think differently about everyone knowing such intimate details about us tomorrow.” 

“Nah, man, I’m not hiding anything. I’m proud of us. We’re awesome.”

Ben’s eyes glow affectionately. “We are pretty awesome, huh?”

“Well, me especially. But you’re fine, I guess.”

“Just fine, huh?”

She hums, wavering on her feet as she moves closer. His proximity tilts the world on its axis. Or, her world, at least. Just as their noses are inches apart, Ben reaches for the water bottle in her hand. He uncaps it and guides it to her mouth. 

“Drink.”

Devi thinks about refusing, just to be stubborn. But she’s rather thirsty. So, she grabs the bottle and takes two big gulps before shoving it into his hands. He looks somewhat pleased, opening Sylvia’s bedroom door and guiding her inside. 

“Did you know that my parents are renovating their Doobie Brothers room?” he asks, closing the door behind them. “It’s going to be the Counting Crows room now.”

“Oh! They’re the ones who sing that song from Shrek 2.”

He rolls his eyes. “They were known before Shrek 2, David.”

“Yes, but once a song is in Shrek, it’s associated with Shrek for life. I don’t make the rules.”

“Alright, shoes off,” Ben instructs, guiding her to sit on his bed. She lays back, holding her feet up in the air. She giggles as he undoes the straps. “God, David, why are these high heels so high?”

“I like being tall. You’d probably like to be tall, too.” She leans up on her elbows to appreciate Ben’s adorable scowl. “But then you wouldn’t be a short king.” 

“David, how often do I tell you I’m not a short king? I’m 5’7! That’s average—well, close enough to average height.”

“Average is 5’9, and to classify as a short king, you must be 5’8 or under. That’s you, bro.”

Ben places her shoes by the door, resting his hand on his hips when he turns back around. “Studies show that short people have lower chances of getting cancer and faster reaction times. So, actually, my height makes me superior.”

Devi slides the hairband off her wrist, arching her fingers and shooting it like a bow. It hits Ben right on the nose. He doesn’t flinch, glaring at her as it bounces off his face and onto the floor. 

“You were saying?”

He grabs the hair tie from the ground with a grumble, flinging it so it hits her arm. “I hate you.”

She gets on her knees at the edge of the bed, grinning up at him. “No, you don’t. You looooove me.”

“Not at this second, I don’t.”

“You love me at every second. Admit it, Ben. You’re a short king in love with a woman who’s a tall goddess.” 

“Fine, I’m a short king in love with a woman who’s an…average height lightweight.”

She scoffs, pulling away. “Ugh, I hate you.”

He catches her hand before she can go far, taking the hat off his head and putting it on hers as he smirks. “No, you don’t. You looooove me.”

“Fine, I do. I love you and your height. It makes it easy to wrap my arms around you.” She places her arms around his neck, moving closer to brush her chest against his. “See?”

“Uh, yeah,” he clears his throat, very obviously staring at her boobs. But, she can’t blame him, they’re great boobs. “I do see.”

“Also, it’s easy to kiss you.” She licks her lips. When she cups his face, his eyes drift closed at her touch, making her feel powerful. “I’ll show you.”

She slants her mouth over his, their tongues brushing lazily. A low groan exits Ben’s mouth as his grip tightens around her waist. The kiss soon goes from enjoyably sloppy to feverishly needy. Then, she’s falling back on the mattress with Ben on top of her, pushing up her skirt so one of his knees slots between her legs. She can’t help the moan that slips out as he nudges it at her entrance. 

Before she can go for his zipper, Ben pulls away. 

“We shouldn’t do this here,” Ben says, his lips pink and utterly inviable. “We shouldn’t do this now. I’ve had two drinks over the past three hours, but you’ve had almost three and didn’t space them out as much.”

Devi groans. “I know, but it’s not fair. You look so pretty. It’s annoying how pretty you are. Do you know that, Ben?”

“David, that’s the alcohol talking.”

“No, it’s not. It’s me talking. And I say that you’re pretty. Your eyes are pretty, your arms are pretty, and your lips are really pretty.” 

He leans up, untangling his limbs from her and reaching for the water bottle. He uncaps it for her to drink again. This time, she takes hefty sips, drinking until she’s drained the bottle. 

After setting the empty bottle on the bedside table, she lays back on the bed, staring at the ceiling dreamily. 

“Your name is pretty, too. It sounds like a heartbeat.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Ya huh. Feel it. It beats to a rhythm.” She gestures him over. He relents, letting Devi lay her palm flat on his chest and move it up and down. “Ben, Ben. Ben, Ben. Ben, Ben.”

He smiles, getting the sneakers she’d left in here earlier this evening and handing them to her. She does the laces, feeling the haze of alcohol clear more and more as she puts on her shoes. There’s something about doing an extremely menial task that sobers her up quickly. 

“I’ll be right back. I need to wash the beer the guy dressed as Blanc from Knives Out spilled on my arm. He tripped while accusing Rooster from Top Gun of committing the double homicide of the cowboy and Roman soldier from Night at the Museum. His investigation was impressive. Well, until someone opened the pantry where the supposed murder victims were making out.” 

“Isn’t that a perfect example of what makes Halloween such a magical holiday?”

Ben disappears into the connected bathroom, rolling his eyes as he leaves. 

Devi takes the opportunity to reach into his jacket pocket, going for his wallet. As his girlfriend, she can go through it, right? He did take her away from the fun outside of the room. So, it was the least he could do.

She finds some cash, a library card, and a condom. It’s pretty standard stuff for an eighteen-year-old nerd. Nothing really exciting. 

But as she pads a finger over a stamp card from some hippy-looking coffee shop, her heart stutters as her eyes catch on a familiar red and pink paper folded up behind it. 

She takes it out, scared to unfold it even though she knows whose name is on it. 

If he’s hanging on to this, does this mean he’s not over Aneesa? It took them a while to return to friendly terms after their breakup. But, eventually, they had. Their interactions ever since have been stilted but cordial. But maybe he still has feelings for her. Or, at least wants a keepsake from their relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? 

Devi’s throat goes dry when she flips over. 

It’s not Aneesa’s name on the Valentine. 

It’s hers. 

She thinks the world may stop moving. If only for a millisecond. The name she’s written thousands of times takes on a new meaning. 

He’d lied when he said he got Aneesa as his perfect match. Why had he lied? She figures the same reason Paxton lied to her—to make her feel better. But hanging onto it means that it meant something. Something that he wanted to keep to himself, even now. 

“I called your mom and told her you weren’t feeling well, and she agreed to push back breakfast to brunch,” Ben tells her as he steps out of the bathroom. He goes to open the door but frowns when he sees her sitting there, back straight and eyes wide. “You okay?”

She shouldn’t be petty over something that happened almost two years ago, but she is. She shrugs, silently standing. But Ben doesn’t let her get off that easy, grabbing her elbow. 

“David, you got the forehead crinkles,” he says worriedly, gently poking the middle of her forehead. “What’s wrong?”

“I got bored, went through your wallet, and found this,” she says flatly, laying the bent-up card in his hands. 

He blinks down at it sheepishly. “Oh.”

“So, I’m your perfect Valentine, huh?”

“Yeah, Devi, you are.” 

Those words should be affirming. But, instead, the belated confession stings. Devi knew they’d tip-toed around their feelings for each other for almost all of high school. But she didn’t realize just how many times he’d withheld the truth from her. Even when she’d despised him, she knew she could count on him to be honest. 

How does she know he isn’t holding anything back now? 

“Yeah,” Devi huffs, shaking her head at him. “Okay.” 

She moves for the door, but Ben tugs on her arm. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you back then. We were starting to be friends again. I didn’t want to mess that up. I also was with Aneesa. I didn’t want her to get hurt.” 

She pins him with a square look. “So Aneesa wouldn’t get hurt, or so you wouldn’t?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, Ben. You weren’t shy about how much of a hassle you found liking me to be. You even used Margot as an alibi so you wouldn’t have to talk to me.” 

Ben flinches. “Devi, I’m sorry about that. I never thought that liking you was a hassle. I promise.” 

“Really? You sure as hell acted like it.” 

That lands like a slap in the face. Ben takes a step back, his face going pale. Devi feels her lips wobble as he stares at her. She feels so stupid. She will not cry in a stranger’s bedroom dressed as a robot with a baseball cap. She turns away before he can stop her again, opening the door and running down the hall. 

“Devi, wait!” Ben yells after her, jogging to meet her at the stairs. “I was an asshole. I hate that I made you feel like that. I didn’t tell you who was on my card because I couldn’t. I was lying to myself.” 

That makes Devi stop in the middle of the staircase, causing a couple dressed as Wednesday and Joel from Addams Family Values to collide into their backs. As they meander around them, Devi turns to Ben with furrowed eyebrows. 

“What was the lie?”

“That I was over you.” 

“But you weren’t?” she asks quietly. 

“Fuck no. But I had to try to be. I didn’t have much of a choice.” In his gaze, she sees something she hasn’t seen in a long time from him—not bitterness, but a sore spot, a pain that echoes from the past. “I wanted you to choose me.”

Devi shifts on her feet, resentment that she’s been keeping at bay as a shadow finally stepping into her skin.

“Well, it didn’t take you that long to choose someone else. Twice.” 

Ben’s hand drops from her arm, frowning. “That’s not fair.” 

“You have no place to talk about what’s fair.” 

She continues to walk down the stairs before he can reply, making her way to the house’s front door. Ben isn’t far behind, following her into the crisp October night. There’s a bit of fog coating them in uncertainty. They stand stoically side by side when they reach the driveway’s edge. She doesn’t look over. She can’t look over. She knows she won’t be brave enough to say her following words if she does. 

“What’s unfair is you ghosted me after you took my virginity,” Devi says, feeling her words suspend painfully in the air alongside the carbon dioxide she exhales. “You abandoned me after doing one of the most intimate things you can share with a person. Ben, do you have any idea how that made me feel?” 

“I’m so sorry, Devi. God, there’s so much I wish I could take back from that year.” He rubs at his eyes, his hands shaking in a way that’s not from the cold. When he pulls them away from his face, she sees the utter despair reflected in them. The hurt of the past is still itching at her, but her anger wanes slightly. “I don’t even know why I did most of it—well, I didn’t know then.” 

“But you know now?”

“Sort of, I figured it out after some painful sessions with my new therapist.” 

“Okay, so let’s hear it.” 

Ben looks unsure, his hands gripping his neck. “Maybe we should wait until the morning.”

“Oh, so you want to fight before we see my mom?”

“We’re not fighting. We’re having a discussion.” 

“A discussion that we need to have.” She broaches closer, resting her hand on his chest. “Ben, I’ve been so happy the past few months. So happy.” 

He laces his fingers with hers, holding them against his chest. He breathes her in like he’s afraid it’ll be the last time. She, of course, knows it’s not. She’s upset, but she loves him. God, she loves him so much. That’s what caused this fight in the first place. 

“But we can’t put this off any longer. If this will work, we need to be honest with each other. And I want this to work.” 

“I do, too,” Ben says immediately. He lowers their hands, still interlocked but hanging at their sides. He takes a long breath before speaking. “How about this? I call us a ride back to your dorm. We’ll drink the free water in the backseat and talk once we get to your room. Okay?” 

Devi nods. “Okay.” 

They only have to wait five minutes before the Uber pulls up. She texts Jazmin that they’re leaving. She responds with a sad face emoji. Devi writes that everything is fine and she’ll fill her in later. 

They spend most of the Uber ride in silence. It’s not a petty silence, though. It’s somber. She can see Ben squirming in his seat from the corner of her eyes. While this would usually be when she would rest a hand on his knee to stop it from jiggling, she wrings her hands in her lap instead, watching the city lights blur through the car window. 

Ben tips the driver, wishing him goodnight as they exit the car. Devi follows the motions of entering her dorm, swishing her card key through the reader. Ben holds open the door, letting her walk through first and keeping a hand on the small of her back as they enter. She exhales, the tightness in her chest lessening at his touch. 

After changing into a tee shirt and some shorts and removing her makeup, she joins Ben on her bed. He looks nervous, sitting on the sheets with his hands folded in his lap. She gulps water with a Dramamine pill to avoid waking up nauseous.  

“You feeling okay?” Ben asks. 

“Yeah, better. I don’t feel that Buzzlighter buzz anymore.” Devi sighs, settling her head against the pillow upright on the headboard. “It’s too bad, though. Being buzzed might make this conversation easier.” 

Ben reaches for her hand, holding it tight in the space between them. “Devi, I love you.” 

“I know you do.”

“I know you know. But that’s not all I was going to say.” He takes a deep breath, squeezing her hand. “I love you. But, I also have loved you for a long time. Longer than you know.”

“What do you mean?” 

“That night, when you ran after Paxton, you knew I was mad. I told you I was mad. But it was more than that. I was…heartbroken.” 

“You were?” 

Ben nods, his eyes falling to their connected hands. “I thought, for once, someone thought I was worth choosing. Not just someone but you. A person I had started to fall in love with ever since that night at Model U.N., maybe even before.”

She swallows, trying to rid herself of the sudden ache in her throat. But she can’t do anything to banish the new ache in her chest. While Devi felt guilty for what she had done to Paxton and Ben, she didn’t know how deep a wound she had inflicted. They hadn’t been dating long at that point. She knew Ben liked her, of course. But she hadn’t known just how much. 

“But then the rug got pulled from under me, and I questioned everything I thought you felt,” Ben continues. “So I freaked out when we slept together, and it wasn’t great. I was afraid you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”

“But I did. I told you that! In the parking lot at school, I said I wanted to give us another shot.”

“I know. But I was too scared, I guess. I pushed you away so you couldn’t do it to me first.” He turns towards her, his eyes beading into hers. “I was wrong for that, Devi. I’m really sorry.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Devi says, feeling a weight leave her shoulders. She feels lighter by letting go of the old resentment. “I’m sorry, too. I was going through a lot with losing my dad. I didn’t understand who I was or what I wanted. But I know myself better now. I don’t want you ever to doubt how I feel about you.” 

“And I don’t want you to think I’ll abandon you when things get hard. I’m not going anywhere.”

She feels the giddiness from an hour ago return, leaning closer so their noses brush. “You promise?”

He smiles. “I promise.”

He closes the distance, his mouth finding hers. He kisses with determination and conviction–like he’s drawing an x on a treasure map. She strokes his cheek with her palm. Somehow, touching him feels even better than before. They are more attuned to each other, resolving matters of the past and strengthening their future chances. 

“Ben, I’m glad I was your perfect match,” Devi says when she parts for breath. “But I didn’t need a card to tell me you were mine.”

“So you’re not harboring secret feelings for Eric?” 

She rolls her eyes. “Shut up and kiss me again.” 

Ben smirks into the kiss. Devi knows they should go to sleep. They do have to meet her mom in the morning, after all. 

But as he kisses down her neck, holding her like it’s impossible to let her go, she figures a few minutes more couldn’t hurt. 

…

“Hey, hot stuff,” Devi greets as she picks up the phone, hanging up the shirt she’d just pulled from her hamper. 

“Nope.” 

“Come on, I like that one! I think it could stick.” 

“Sorry, sweetums.”

Devi scrunches her nose. “Ew, pass.”

“You’ve already used all five of your free passes!”

“So? You’ve vetoed like ten of mine! Which were all golden, by the way.”

“Golden? Your list included sweet cheeks, spider-monkey, and lovebug.”

“But you have sweet cheeks, and your favorite Jonas Brothers song is Lovebug.” 

“What about the spider monkey thing?” 

“You really have to ask?” Devi snorts. “You can lie to me, Gross. I know you watch Twilight at least once a year un-ironically.” 

“Fine. I do.” She hears the clicking of nails against the wood. He must have just sat down at his desk. “But, I don’t have a favorite Jonas Brothers song.” 

“Your Spotify playlist would say differently.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you look through it last time I drove you back to Princeton,” he mutters.  

“Hey, it was only fair. I showed you mine, so you had to show me yours.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know having that many playlists revolving around celebrity couples was possible.”

Devi sits at her desk, looking at the picture of her and Ben from Graduation taped on the wall above it. While all the pictures of her family and friends are in a heart shape above her bed, she keeps pictures of Ben in her study area. She says it’s for motivation, reminding her of their rivalry to fuel her academic success. 

But it’s also because she wishes they could be studying together. While she’s having a blast in most of her college classes, she misses learning beside Ben. She feeds off his energy and thrives off his differing opinions. 

Devi confessed the reasoning behind her photo placement to Eleanor during one of their weekly Facetimes. Eleanor laughed at her, saying they were such a dorky couple. But, when Devi brought up her relationship with Trent, they decided they both were badass women who just happened to have an off-beat taste in men. 

Fab insists that she has the best romantic taste. And, looking at her record of partners, they can’t argue with her. Fab knows how to land a 10. 

“You have to admit that my Tomdaya playlist is hella awesome,” Devi says, spanning out her feet so they rest against the wall underneath the desk. 

“It’s better than most of your music, I’ll give you that.” 

“Oh please, you wish you could have as good music taste as me!” 

“Whatever you say, babe.” 

“I already vetoed that one.”

“You vetoed baby, not babe.”

“Babe is a derivation of baby. It’s too pedestrian.” She swivels back and forth in her chair. “So, how was your day?”

“Hell. I have two group projects due by the end of this week.”

“I thought we’d escape group projects in college. But I still have to refrain from beating my head against the wall during group sessions at least once a semester.”  

Jazmin, who had been lacing her running shoes on her side of the room, stops on her way to the door. She leans over Devi’s shoulder and taps the speaker button. 

“You know, Howard Schultz once said success is best when shared. He was the chairman of Starbucks. Shouldn’t he be one of your business heroes?”

“He’s a dick. He opposed labor organizations at the company. Besides, I’ve decided to get coffee from noncorporate chains now.”  

“Man, college has changed you,” Devi says. “I’m surprised the pretentious snobs you work with at the student newspaper haven’t convinced you to switch from the insanely plain black coffee you drink to tea.” 

“At least I don’t drink the sugary frap crap like you, David. Your heart’s going to explode one day.” 

“True,” Jazmin hums in agreement. 

“Hey, my boyfriend and roommate aren’t supposed to team up against me!” Devi exclaims. 

“Don’t worry, Dev, you’re still my number one.” As Jazmin pulls open the doorknob, she pauses. “Well, behind Theo James, that is.” 

“He’s married, Jazz.” 

“Let me stay in ignorant bliss, please!” she shouts, exiting the door and closing it behind her.

Devi chuckles as she turns away from the closed door, looking back at her phone. “Where were we?”

“We were talking about how much group projects suck.” 

“Oh yeah, fuck forced collaboration.” 

“Fuck it,” Ben agrees. She hears him sigh. “I wish I was with you.”

“Really?” Devi asks, a wicked smile etching on her lips. “What would we do if you were here?” 

“David, you have no idea what I wish we could do right now.”

“So tell me.”

There’s a beat of silence. She can practically see Ben’s eyes bug out at her words. She feels her heart thump widely in her chest, an electric current buzzing through her veins in excitement.

“Devi Vishwakumar, are you propositioning me for phone sex?” 

She clears her throat. “We don’t have to. I just–we haven’t seen each other in three weeks, and I thought it might be fun.” 

“Okay,” Ben says, his voice high. He clears his throat. “Uh, okay. Um, so how do we do this?” 

“I don’t know, dude! I’ve never done it before.” Devi bows her head towards the phone on her desk, lowering her voice even though she’s alone. “Have you?”

“No. But, I’d like to, with you.”

Devi smiles. She’s shared many firsts with Ben these past few months. While Paxton was her first kiss and exclusive relationship, Ben is her first love. She enjoys every relationship step they take together. It’s thrilling to share things with him she’s never shared with anyone else. Most of the time, those new experiences revolve around emotional stuff or date night excursions. 

But, whenever they can meet up face to face, and one of their roommates is MIA, they’ve explored other new things together. Sexy things. Things Devi latches onto during their stretches apart and thinks about sometimes in the shower. It’s been hard lately, though. An annoying girl in her dorm has been blasting country music in the communal bathroom. Hearing about tractors and catfish makes it challenging to think of anything scandalous. 

“Is Evan there?” Devi asks.

“No, he’s at the soccer game.” 

“Really? I thought he hated soccer.” 

“Not when Miles Edgerton is playing. Miles doesn’t know it yet, but he’s the love of his life. That’s what Evan claims, anyway.” 

“Yuck, imagine having one of those.”

“I know, it’s sickening,” Ben says, but there’s an unmissable warmth to his voice that tells her he feels the exact opposite.

“So tell me what you would do if you were here,” Devi says, getting them back on track. 

“I’d walk up to you and…kiss you.”

She leans back in her chair. “Wow, your descriptive imagery is really making me swoon, Ben.”

“You want details? Fine.” Devi swallows, knowing that tone in his voice very well. It’s cocky, low, and fucking hot. Although she appreciates it when he’s flustered and vulnerable, she likes it when he’s confident. “As I kiss you, I’d bite your lower lip with my teeth, then run my tongue over it. I’d wrap my arms around your waist, pulling you flush against me so you can feel how hard I am. I’d kiss down your neck, leaving marks everywhere so everyone else would know I was there. That you’re mine.” 

Devi clenches her legs together, a heat reddening her cheeks and defusing through the rest of her body. “Wow, territorial much?” 

“Hey, you’re the one who was so eager to give me scratches on my back at the park last month.”

She sits up, remembering that day very well. She’d been all over him. They’d made out against a tree. She blames the Barbie movie they’d watched earlier that day. The pride of being a woman had been coursing through her. Also, Ben had eagerly agreed to wear all pink and a multi-colored sweatband to the theater, which hadn’t helped matters either.  

Devi fumes. He is such an asshole for bringing that up, knowing what it would do to her. But, it ignites a desire ignite within her. Not only does she want Ben–she wants to beat him. 

“If you were here, I’d knot my fingers through your hair, tugging it in that way that makes you moan,” Devi says, causing Ben to make a choking sound. She grins wolfishly. “I’d take off your shirt. My hands would roam over your chest. I would kiss down your stomach while taking off your boxers. Then, I’d wrap my hands around you and do what I did on our night of three times.” 

“Jesus, David,” he says, voice breathy.  

“I’m pretty good at this, huh?”

“Don’t get too cocky.”

“Oh yeah?” she asks, egging him on. “What will happen if I do?”

“I’d kiss your breasts, taking turns swirling my tongue around each nipple. I’d suck them, too. Then, I’d pull down your underwear when you’re panting for more. God, I’d love to go down on you right now.” Devi pulls down her sweatpants, touching herself. She closes her eyes, latching onto Ben’s voice and every word as she moves her fingers. “I’d have to hold your hips to keep you steady as I fucked you with my mouth.”

“Oh God,” she whimpers, somehow feeling the ghost of Ben’s hand instead of her own. She can’t believe how wet she is when he’s not even here. She lets out a feeble breath, her legs twitching a little. “Ben…”

“I’d run my thumb back and forth over your clit, speeding up and slowing back down. Then, I’d get my mouth on you again, keeping you on the edge for a while before latching my lips onto your clit and sucking hard.” 

“Ben,” she repeats, but it’s more of a pant this time. “I’m close. Please.” 

“Please what?” he whispers, voice deep and penetrating. 

Devi dips a finger into herself, thrusting it in and out. “You feel so good. So right.” 

Devi’s breaths get shorter. Then, there’s a clunking sound. He must’ve put his phone down so he could touch himself. She laughs through a moan, not surprised she was one step ahead of him the whole time. 

“You can do it, David,” he voices, her walls convulsing against her finger as she pictures him sitting on top of her, hitting inside her hard and fast. “Let go.” 

She uses her thumb to push down hard on her clit. Her head falls back, that wave of bliss washing over her and relaxing her muscles. When she returns to her senses, Ben grunts. Devi catches her breath, collapsing back in her chair, unable to help the pleased giggle that escapes her lips. 

“I’m pretty good at that, huh?” Ben asks, hearing the smirk in his voice. 

She’s too worn out from her orgasm to come up with a blatant lie for the sake of banter. “We’re both good. Settle for a tie?”

“Never,” Ben says, causing her smile to broaden. “You?”

“Of course not.”

She quickly goes to the bathroom to wash herself and her hands. When she returns, she takes her phone and goes to bed. She taps the button on her screen to switch to FaceTime. Devi notices he’s moved from his desk to his bed as well. He smiles at her, his hair a bit ruffled and cheeks still a bit flushed. 

She props her elbow against the pillow, resting her chin in her hand as she meets his eyes through the phone. 

“Hi,” he says, grinning like an idiot. 

She blushes. “Hi.” 

“Well, I guess we’ll have to do this again to see who’s better.”

“Or a couple of times. After all, being thorough is important, Nenjil.”

His eyebrows gather, squinting at her. “Nenjil?” 

Devi blinks. Her head was too far in the clouds to realize the endearment that slipped out. 

“Uh, yeah,” she says. “It’s a term of endearment in Tamil.”

“What does it mean?”

She feels her cheeks get a shade redder. “Heart.” 

The beaming smile Ben gives her causes her embarrassment to fade away. It’s a bit scary to admit, for sure. But the word fits him. It rolls off the tongue easily and with a sense of pride.

“Now that one’s a keeper, sunshine.” 

She shakes her head vehemently. “Ugh, pass.” 

“Damn it,” he curses, looking visibly disgruntled at himself. “Well, maybe baby can be my placeholder for now.”

“Figures that I’d think of a better one before you.” 

“Hey, I wouldn’t go claiming your victory yet, sweetheart.” 

Devi’s ears prick up. “Sweetheart? Huh…I kinda like that.”

“Seriously? I was being sarcastic.”

“I know, that’s why it works. It’s classic but not too cheesy. The sardonic connotation of the word fits our dynamic.”

“Sweetheart,” he repeats, thinking it over. He nods, his blue eyes sparking in a way that would have made her foot pop like the Queen of Genovia if she were standing. “Okay. Good night, sweetheart.”

Devi rests her head against her pillow. “Night, Nenjil.”

Despite saying their goodbyes, she doesn’t hang up the phone. Neither does he. He stays on the line, their phones on the mattress beside them. They fall asleep to the sound of one another breathing. 

For a second, before things go black, Devi swears she feels Ben’s chest against her back. Her heart is reaching out to him from hundreds of miles away and holding tight. Distance can do many things. But it can’t snap the thread that ties them together. 

…

Devi turns the doorknob, careful not to release it until the door is fully closed. She creeps back into the room on the tips of her toes. Unfortunately, her attempts to maintain her boyfriend’s slumber are for naught as her toe hits the floorboard, causing it to creak. 

Ben jolts up in her bed from where he’d been drooling on a pillow. “Ah!”

“Shh,” Devi hushes as she slips off her shoes. “Go back to sleep.”

He comes to his senses, blearily glaring at her. “You did not just shoosh me. You’re spending way too much time at the library.”

“It’s not my fault Princeston’s library is so much better than Columbia’s.

Ben rubs his eyes. “I’m not getting into this with you again.”

Devi sits down on the bed beside him. “See? You must be exhausted if you’re turning down the chance for one of our classic banter sessions.” 

“I’m not exhausted!” Ben protests, but a yawn that follows gives him away. Devi narrows her eyes. He sits up, forcing his eyes to open wider. “Okay, so Colmbia’s library is far superior. We have twenty-two, and you have ten. A lot of them are right near cafes. So, when you get tired—.” 

“Which you are,” Devi cuts in, reaching her hand to her bedside lamp. “So, go back to sleep.”

He catches her hand before she can turn the knob. “Devi, I came all the way here to be with you. We barely got to see each other. First, we had finals, then Thanksgiving break, which we couldn’t see each other during because my parents decided to celebrate in Lake Tahoe. We need to make up for lost time.”

“Ben, you’re exhausted. You stayed up two nights in a row studying for your Biology test. The only reason it wasn’t three days is because I made Evan play Shire ambiance music so you’d fall asleep.”

He folds his arms across his chest petulantly. “Hey, I haven’t been the only one running themselves ragged these past few weeks.”

“Yes. I remember you talking me off the edge over the phone during finals, constantly reminding me to take study breaks.” Devi reaches for the lamp again, turning it off and lying beside him. “We’re both tired, and our bodies need sleep. There’s no shame in that.” 

“I know there’s not.” Ben sighs, turning towards her. Luckily, it’s not too late yet. Some light is still peaking through the windows, illuminating his face. “It’s just… it’s hard not to fall into old patterns. I think about all the work it took to get here and the thought of disappointing my parents—.” 

She places a hand on his cheek. “Hey, you’re not going to disappoint them.”

“How do you know that?”

“The same way you know I’m not going to disappoint my mom, even though that scares me shitless every time I spend too long on a question on a test. Or when Mr. Coldwell gives me a lower grade than I deserve. I can’t believe he thought my thesis on Twelfth Night was derivative even though it clearly…” Devi shakes her head. “Sorry, not the point.”

“No, keep talking. I like it when you rant about deserving a better grade. Your confidence is sexy.” 

“Really? Most people think it’s the most annoying thing about me.”

“Then they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”

Devi smiles. “Your ego used to be a major irritant, but now I find it hot. Well, most of the time.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Most of the time?”

“Not when it makes you shit talk New Jersey.”

“Hey, I haven’t said anything bad about Jersey for a month!” 

“I know, and I’m proud of you for it.” 

As he opens his mouth to respond, Devi grabs his shoulders. She then moves his body so his back faces her on the bed. She loops her arms around him, nestling her head near his neck. 

His body doesn’t mold to hers, his shoulders remaining rigid. “David, What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? Spooning you so you get a good night’s rest.” 

“Devi, I don’t want to sleep our time away. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too. But I haven’t just missed talking to you. I’ve also missed sleeping next to you.” She tugs her arm further around his waist, contently enveloping his frame. “I sleep so much better when you’re here.”

Ben exhales, his muscles slowly relaxing. “I do, too.” 

“So let’s have an amazing night’s rest, sleep in, and get brunch in the morning?”

“Waffles?”

“With blueberries and extra crispy bacon and hashbrowns.” 

“God, I love you.” 

She presses a kiss to the crick of his neck. “You can still love me while you’re asleep.”

“Fine, but I’ll dream of you,” he mumbles into his pillow, already half asleep.

She hums happily, closing her eyes and saying goodbye to the dusk so they can share another dawn. 

“I’ll meet you there.”