Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It had been a bad day.

Not that the Circus wasn’t always terrible in one way or another, but today was a special kind of Hell.

Caine’s games had been getting increasingly more violent in nature lately; maybe the guy was starting to get bored of more “regular” forms of torture.  But today Pomni was at the other end of a swinging blade– some sort of “magic act” gone wrong– that had left a vicious gash across her stomach.  Despite the fact that Caine would fix it at the end of their “game,” Pomni couldn’t help but panic.  There was never any blood, just static, crackling pixels; but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel anything.

It was an unbearable pain.

She had thought back to her first “day” at the Circus, when Ragatha had been hit by the abstraction Pomni never had a chance to truly meet.  That had been her exact wording for the sensation, and goddamn she was right.  It made her stomach churn.

What’s worse, Jax had been especially callous today.  It was his fault she had been injured today; he was the one holding the damn rope.  Granted, he’d had plenty of Caine’s other distractions on his plate, but something felt.  Odd.

The moment Pomni had recoiled from the lightning-hot pain of her digital flesh tearing apart, her eyes had landed on Jax next to her, rope in hand.  She was screaming– she couldn’t hear it, everything sounded like whirring, broken speakers.  He was already looking at her, eyes narrowed and grin stretched wider than she had ever seen it.  

It looked like genuine glee.  Undoubtedly, it was the most emotion she had seen out of him.  It had made her blood run cold at the time, and she couldn’t avoid a shiver while she walked the long hall back to her makeshift room.  She had left dinner early.  Really hard to work up an appetite when you were nearly chopped in half for the first time– it made her sick to think it may not be the last.  

She had been so distracted by the potential of an endless, torturous existence that she didn’t realize she had company until it was too late.  That company being, in fact, the very root cause of her distraction.

“Heya,” he said cheekily.  He was leaned up against her door frame; the perfect picture of faux-casual.  She didn’t have time to wonder how exactly he had gotten here before her before he was talking again.  Jesus, this guy never shuts up.

“Noticed ya left dinner early.  What, didja not like tonight's main course?  It’s the same menu as every other night.”  His tone was so flippant, like he hadn’t even been in the fucking room during today’s events.

Pomni was decidedly not in the mood for this.  She said nothing, opting to stare listlessly ahead as she opened her door.

“Aww, c’mon Pommy, talk to me!”  He had followed her, standing squarely in the doorframe.  “What’s gotcha so down, huh?”

“Go away, Jax.”

“Geez, lady.  You seem tense.”

“I wonder why ,” Pomni can’t keep the growl out of her tone.  She kicks off her stupid, jangly shoes and tears the hat off her head, tossing it on a barren side table next to her bed.  “Not like I got cut in half or anything, right?”  She lets out a wry laugh, flopping back onto the bed unceremoniously.  

Jax invites himself in, of course , before moving to stand over her.  His arms are crossed, the poster child of smugness.

“Sheesh, you’re still mad about that?  I toldja it was an accident!”  Jax says it less like an affirmation that it was an accident, and more like confirmation that regardless, he doesn’t care.  That’s just like him; fucking dick. 

“Don’t care.  Jax, please just leave me alone.”

“But one of our own is in distress!  What kinda fellow prisoner would I be if I just left ya all wound up?” 

Pomni can’t think of a single goddamn thing he could do to help her unwind.  Not from anybody, but especially not from him.

“Would you stop being an asshole and just listen to me for once?”  Pomni could feel her temper flaring; hell hath no fury like an angry jester.  “T-There’s nothing I need from you!”

Jax rolls his eyes, but Pomni notices that smile never drops.  

“It’s not always about whatcha need, doll .”  Pomni can feel herself flushing red in anger.  “But I think I know somethin’ that might help–”

“I don’t want your fucking help!”  Pomni shoots up to look at him directly, “Why can’t you just leave me alone like a normal fucking person!”  Jax goes to open his mouth, but Pomni is quick to add, “And don’t call me ‘doll’!”

Jax is silent for a moment, and for a second Pomni thinks he might actually back down, but then he chuckles.  It makes Pomni want to strangle him.

“Well, toots, I know ya want me outta your hair, but I really think you could use a little help.”

“No!  No, no!  J-Just–”

Pomni doesn’t even register Jax’s hands have snaked around her throat; she’s too startled by the way he seemed to appear inches from her face.  He didn’t apply any pressure, just held them there. 

“Shut up and listen. ”  He says it in the same way he says just about everything, and Pomni is too utterly stunned to even try to move from his grip.  She doesn’t give a damn if Jax tried to hurt her– he probably wouldn’t, he’s all talk– but for some reason she’s still rooted to the spot.  

“I know the whole show today hurt’cha, but ya had to experience it at some point.  We all have.  So let’s get over that,” he says nonchalantly, as easily as a litterbug tossing a wrapper onto the pavement, “And let me help ya wind down.  Consider it a ‘friendly gesture’.”

“Doubt it’s friendly,” Pomni sneers, but still doesn’t move from where she’s frozen.

“Can be if ya want, but I’m startin’ to think maybe that’s not what your lookin’ for.”  His face is so smug, like he knows something she doesn’t, and it makes Pomni angry all over again.

“You’re right about that,” Pomni says matter-of-factly, “I don’t think I want anything ‘friendly’ from you.”

“Well, you can decide that after I give the details.”  He leans in close to her ear; it makes Pomni sick.  She can feel his breath on her ear, and she’s shivering from the closeness of it.  Jesus, when was the last time anyone’s been this close to her?  Could be weeks, could be months.  Time was hard to track here.  

That’s not the point, stop being weird!

“I dunno if ya know this, but… All sensations are simulated here.  Do ya catch my drift?”  

Pomni blinks, trying so hard not to sound stupid when she inevitably makes an involuntarily confused noise.

Jax looks at her like she’s a stupid animal.  Maybe that’s what he thought of her, but she didn’t care.

“Our rooms are like our own personalized spaces, yeah?  Think up anything you want, and poof, it’s there.  Sure, it’s gone the second ya take it out of the room, but…” Pomni still looks confused, and Jax continues, “Not just furniture and… whatever else ya might end up needin’ in here.”  As if to prove his point, Jax blinks and Pomni’s bed doubles in size.  Pomni squeaks in surprise, and Jax chuckles.  “Try it.  All ya gotta do is think.  We’ll see if you’re capable of that.”

Pomni ignores the jab for now, too interested in the new tool she’s just been granted.  She closes her eyes tight, thinks up an image in her head, and–

A perfectly bland, hardwood coat rack appeared in the corner.  

Jax was silent for a moment, then raised a brow.  “A coat rack…?  Seriously?”

Pomni puffs out her cheeks, embarrassed.  “I’ll have you know I needed a place to put my hat.”

“Ok sweetheart, that’s reeeeal cute an’ all, but-”

“Don’t call me ‘sweetheart,’ either!”

“I was thinkin’ somethin’ more… Physical.  Y’know?”  Jax is staring at her like he’s asking her a first grade math problem and she had somehow skipped school that day.  She hated how stupid he made her feel.  

“N-No, I don’t!  Stop talking in riddles!”  Pomni groans in frustration, hands coming up to rub at her tired, tired eyes.  “Just say your stupid idea so I can say no and you can–”

“Jesus christ, do I have to spell this out for ya?”  Jax is actually sounding frustrated now.  He looks down at her and blinks hard with purpose– a clear mockery of Pomni’s earlier attempt.

At first, Pomni doesn’t notice anything.  Jax is looking down at her, eyebrows raised in waiting.  When Pomni doesn’t react, he sighs and rolls his eyes.

Then, the hands around her throat are gone, instead groping at her chest.

Her chest, her chest that was supposed to be non-existent.

Pomni had checked when she first arrived and changed into one of her identical pairs of jester attire; no breasts, no nipples.  Hell, not even a damn belly button.  Much less anything further south from there.  She had been a toy.

But now it hits her so quickly what’s happened that she yelps in surprise, flinches away from Jax’s grip only to feel one hand snake around her back, holding her in place.

“W-What are you d-doing!?”  Pomni squeaks, “What d-did you do to me?”

“I toldja, you can manifest anything in these rooms.  I thought you’da caught on by now but I’ll just say it.”  Jax is still groping her meager breast through her spandex suit and Pomni can feel anxiety building in her stomach at just the thought that this was happening, not to mention with this fucking guy.

He leans in close enough she can’t help but look into his eyes.  That odd feeling is back again, like she’s looking into the eyes of a snake.  She wants to shut them, wants to look away, but she’s petrified.

“I think you're cute, dollface.  Makes me want to fuck you.”

Pomni feels like she just walked off of an out-of-control carousel.  There’s so much to process; the fact that Jax seemed to have “manifested” away Caine’s censoring, the fact that he called her cute, the fact that he wanted to–

“W-Why?  You’ve been nothing but mean to me!  Why would I want to fuck you ?”  Pomni wants to laugh at the way the curse actually hits the air when she says it, not some stupid clown horn sound effect pulled straight from a shitty kids’ show.

“Because I can make ya feel so much better,” Jax smirks ear-to-ear.  “When’s the last time ya got to do this, huh?”  To make his point, he brushes a finger over her nipple through the bodysuit, and she can’t hold back a half-growl, half-keen.  “Look ‘atcha, already blushin’ like that.”

Pomni doesn’t know if he’s lying to wind her up, but she can’t deny that while every part of her is disgusted by the fact that Jax is laying his hands on her, it feels good.  Startlingly good, unlike anything she’s felt in a long time.

“I-I don’t know what game you’re playing, b-but–”

“No games,” Jax drawls, “Unless ya want that.  I dunno what kinda shit you’re into.”  He’s moved his hand from her chest, settling instead on her hip.  His hand is so fucking big on her.  He could probably pick her up like a wine glass if he used both his hands.  She shivers, arms shaking with the deepest confliction she’s felt since arriving in this stupid Circus.

“Listen, Pom Pom.  I ain’t about to do anythin’ ya don’t want.  Call this an ‘apology’ for earlier, hm?  You can even close your eyes if it makes ya feel better.”  Jax is running his hand up and down her back, a little too sweet for her tastes.  She didn’t want to feel held by this guy.  It was too weird.

“W-Why should I say yes?”  She asks, feeling her resolve buckling underneath her.  She was exhausted.  Tired beyond words, despite not being able to sleep.  Every day had been Hell, every night was an endless dissociative episode, and god dammit she hated Jax, but… The hands on her felt heart-wrenchingly good.  Her mind was weak.  Out of gas, going nowhere.  She hadn’t felt much of anything since she arrived; nothing but anxiety and the ache of another stupid adventure weighing on her back.  Maybe she could indulge in this; it’s not necessarily that she doesn’t want to, but… Why did it have to be him of all people?

Jax nuzzles into her hair, hands glued to her like he couldn’t take them off.  “Because I get the feelin’ you don’t wanna say ‘no.’”  He snickers, hand squeezing on her hip.  Pomni nearly squeals, and Jax grins like he’s caught a delicious piece of prey.

“Cute,” he comments, and Pomni sighs in disdain.

“I…. D-Do it, then!  Just don’t… L-Like, kiss me or anything.”  She can’t explain why the thought made her deeply uncomfortable, but Jax is capable of voicing it for her.

“Didn’t plan on it.  I’m not your lover , sweet thing.”  Pomni doesn’t like the pet names either, but she lets them slide because she’s too tired to fight him on the notion.  It was harmless enough, if not embarrassing.

“Thank God for that,” Pomni huffs out, and Jax gives a real laugh then.

“So, so cute,” he says in a sing-song, the hand previously fondling her chest sneaking up under the elastic of her spandex, cupping her breast in his hand.  She’s surprised he had imagined her so… modest.  She wasn’t even a handful in his big hand.  Guess he wasn’t much of a boob guy or something.

“I’m takin’ this off,” he says unceremoniously, and a second later he does that stupid manifestation thing again and Pomni gasps, hands flying to cover her chest out of pure impulse.

“I can’t touch ya if you’re hidin’ from me,” Jax says, like he’s talking to a scared dog, “Move those hands, doll.”

“I said don’t call me ‘doll.’”

Jax seems nonplussed, gaze firmly fixated on where she was hiding herself from him.  With a shaky, nervous sigh, Pomni let her arms fall to her sides.  She couldn’t help being nervous; even disregarding the fact that Jax was present, Pomni quite literally couldn’t remember the last time she’d done this.  Not that this body was really her own anyway, but it still made anxiety burn in her stomach.

“There we go, good girl,” he coos, like he really is soothing a scared animal.  Pomni isn’t scared, she’s just–

Whatever she was thinking didn’t matter as soon as Jax thumbed at her nipple.  It was like the thought washed down the drain.  Fuck, was she this touchstarved?  She was shaking at his ministrations, like she might fall apart at any second.

The feeling doubles when she looks down, getting a glance at what Jax has so graciously decided to bestow upon her.  Her nipples are little hearts.  One red, the blue one currently being given attention.  The swell of her own chest made her blush; why had he thought of that?

“What’re you acting so shy for?” Jax teases.

“J-Just keep going,” she says impatiently.  He obliged her without a fuss, taking her more fully in his hand and pinching at the sensitive little heart.  Pomni couldn’t stifle the moan bubbling out of her throat, eyes pinching shut in mortification.

“Oooh, you should do that again,” Jax half-taunts, “That was hot.”

She does, completely against her will, when Jax pinches harder and tightens his grip on the hand supporting her back.  She’s realizing how small she is compared to him, how easy it would be for him to do anything he wanted to her.  The thought shouldn’t have turned her on, but she’s already in Hell anyway so what’s the point in pretending?

“A-Ah,” She’s rubbing her thighs together, and it feels so blissfully good for a moment that she doesn’t realize Jax has released her chest, opting instead to put a hand on her thigh and wrench her legs just far enough apart to stop her from getting any friction.  She lets out the most pitiful whine; she wants to crawl into a hole and die.

“None of that, Pom,” he chides her, “I didn’t tell ya to do that.”

Pomni is frustrated, brows furrowing together in what is undeniably a pout.  “A-And if I do it anyway…?” She says it as a challenge, and that would prove to be a mistake.

She’s thrown on her back like a ragdoll, and Jax is over her in an instant, body completely enveloping her own.  Both of his hands were on her neck again, and Pomni cried out in shock when he actually squeezed this time.

Jax looks like he did when he was holding the rope earlier; eyes gleeful and hungry.  It would be so easy for anyone to mix up his expression with one of his many smarmy, punchable faces, but Pomni knew better now.  This was what he liked.  He liked watching her squirm, watching her cry out to him.

“Sick fuck,” she chokes out, and Jax’s smirk grows further still.

“Just figuring that out, huh?”  He squeezes tighter, and though Pomni knows she doesn’t necessarily need to breathe here since she can’t die, the pressure and burning pain of her lungs remain.  “I mean, you're the one under me right now, so what does that say about you, doll?”

Pomni couldn’t stop herself from thrashing defiantly, loathing that stupid pet name once again.  Jax laughs at her helplessness and squeezes her neck tighter, leaving her gasping.  She’s approaching that weird feeling again; how she felt traversing through the never-ending office spaces that led to the void.  Madness?  Insanity?  Regardless, she was feeling something besides bone-deep aching for the first time since she arrived and she loved it.

She tries to laugh, but it comes out garbled with the constricting of her airways.  It hurts her ears to hear, the sound stomach-churning and mortifying in a way she couldn’t describe.  

“Yeah, now that’s what I wanna see,” Jax urges, eyes gleaming as he presses her further; if she can get them in the virtual space, she’s going to be bruised by the end of this.  “You’re so pretty when you’re hurtin’; even prettier when you love it. ”

Pomni can’t respond if she wanted to, feels the telltale prick of sharp teeth as she smiles up at him, half manic and half nervous.  If she had a brain in her head she’d tell him to fuck off and die.  But apparently she doesn’t, because she just giggles that unhinged, vacant giggle and Jax decides that’s enough of an indicator that he can continue.

She almost misses his hands on her throat; she likes the touch.  It’s then that she knows something is deeply, horribly wrong with her.  Was she always like this, or was it the never ending loop of television static playing in her brain each moment she had to spend here finally tipping her off the edge?  Had Jax somehow been able to manifest something artificial in her brain to make her feel this way?  She wouldn’t put it past him; he seemed like the type to take what he wanted under whatever means he chose.

Whatever the reason, Jax has gone back to playing with her chest with both hands and Pomni is finding it hard not to ask him to just hurry up and get to what she knows is coming.

“My pretty doll, all mine to play with,” he chuckles lowly, groping her hard with his hands, “Ya went down so damn easy too. Just had to wring your neck a bit.  God, if I knew that I woulda done this earlier.”

Pomni actually blushes at that, and wants to kick herself for being so easily flustered.  Even with that fuzzy, all-encompassing feeling of incoherency, a shred of her begged to hang on to her decency.  It was a futile attempt; he had barely touched her and she felt like a kettle about to boil over.

And he had called her doll again.

“I’m not your doll, s-shithead–”

“ Mmn- ” Jax groans, seemingly satisfied with the way she’s lashing out at him.  It was like he couldn't restrain the sound himself.  Pomni takes sick pride in that; knowing he was getting off on this as much as she was.  He seemed so superficial all the time, it was an ego boost to hear him shamelessly want her .  Not many people around her could say that… Probably.

“Get on with it,” she says tersely, toes curling and uncurling in anticipation, like she was watching a particularly interesting mystery movie and they were about to reveal the big twist.

“Needy little thing.  Didn’t know you were such a slut .”

She wished she didn’t like hearing that.  Wished it didn’t fuel the whirlwind of hate-need-delirium currently making her head spin and the world get fuzzy at the edges.  Her chest was heaving, anxious little gasps escaping against her will. She was probably smiling that stupid, disgusting smile that she saw looking back at her in the office space. The way Jax’s eyes were gleaming in amusement left no room for any other possibility; he’s breaking her down, and he knows it.

“I’ll get on with it, as much as I like just lookin’ atcha like this.” He makes good on his word, runs his hands down to the surprisingly exaggerated swell of her hips. Whoever– or, whatever– the hell created her digital avatar really must have a thing for that.

Jax squeezes, digs his thumbs hard into the sensitive flesh until she squeaks. She hadn’t noticed Jax had wished away the last little bits of her outfit until his hands fell on bare skin there. 

“Though, dollface, think it’s your turn to do somethin’ for me, don’tcha think?” He gives her a wink. “No fun playin’ with a pillow princess.”

Pomni barely registers what he’s asking for– her brain is so muddled, it’s like swimming through muddy water. “W-Wha-?”

He doesn’t wait for her to catch on this time, simply hoists her up and all but tosses her onto the ground next to her bed. She lands hard on her palms and knees, feeling the sting of the impact but knowing that if she were to examine for a scraped knee, there’d be nothing but crackling pixels. Weird how that shit worked here.

He’s standing above her, menacing despite the familiar careless smile and lidded eyes that he was always toting around. She wondered if the others could tell when Jax was actually feeling anything more than mild smug satisfaction; she seemed to pick up on it pretty damn quick.

Jax is working the buttons on his overalls off, and it’s then that reality actually hits her. This was weird, this was so fucking weird, and yet… Her heart– or, whatever she had thump-thump-thumping in her chest– is racing, face hotter than a lit stove. She crosses her legs, hoping it would make her look the tiniest bit less pathetic than she felt. Was she really about to do this?

“C’mon cutie, help me out here.” Pomni hadn’t realized she was spacing out. Jax had undone the straps of his overalls, letting them hang loosely around his waist. His hands are on his hips, looking down at her expectantly.

“O-oh. Yeah, uh…” Pomni squeezes her eyes shut, takes a shaky breath. This felt like the point of no return. Maybe if she kept her eyes shut she would just disappear; or he would, whichever happened first.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a cruel laugh. “ Geeeez, didn’t know you were that kinda girl.”

Pomni opens her eyes and blanches. She’s laughing nervously, trying not to lose her fucking shit because… Well–

“H-Ha, uh… Trying to compensate for something?” She tries to say it with as much bite as she can, but it comes off awkward and pathetic when she’s face-to-face with someone else’s dick. “A l-little excessive, don’t you think?”

Jax cackles– a new sound from him. It’s so mirthful, full of joy like a kid on Christmas morning. It was frightening to hear.

“Hate to break it to ya, but I wasn’t the one imaginin’ myself naked. This is all you, sweetcheeks.” Pomni flushes in absolute horror, and flustered tears sting the back of her eyes. God, was he joking? Gaslighting her? “And you were callin’ me a freak.”

Pomni didn’t want to give the bastard any credit, but was credit even due if she had manifested this? He was… Bigger than she expected. Or maybe she was just too small. The thought made her legs quiver, and she cursed herself for letting out a pitiful little whimper.  She couldn’t help it; this was the only thing that had broken up the monotony of the Circus in weeks.

He’s smiling at her expectantly, and Pomni hadn’t realized he’d been touching himself until his cockhead was mere inches from her face. Hell, she could stand up and probably have an easier time than craning her neck up from her knees. But it seemed like Jax wasn’t interested in ease, if the way he was insistently drawing closer to her was any indication.

“U-Uh,” Pomni is sniffling, she’s fighting back tears of pure shame. How did she get here? When had she lost herself enough to even entertain something like this? She felt like a puppet with her strings cut. Was this all it took to really take the fight out of her? What a pathetic, sad little thing. To be so desperate to hang onto anything, to feel anything. To the point that she’d get on her knees for any bastard lucky enough to find their way into her room. 

It hurts to exist like this more than it hurts to nearly get vivisected.

She wondered if she would abstract sometime soon. If the nightmare would be over, or if she’d have to live deep in the dark bowels of the circus, a lost soul cast into a sea of others. Would she be cognizant anymore? Would she recognize the others when she finally broke? What was it like to lose yourself so completely?

She must have been thinking too much, because Jax didn’t hesitate to twist a hand in her hair and pull hard enough that Pomni wondered if he’d rip it right out of her head. He just stares for a moment.  Follows the track of a tear down her cheek with his eyes.  

“What’cha thinkin’ about?”

Pomni tried to manage an answer to the question, but her voice wouldn’t work.  She could feel the fat tears forming in her eyes; even with Jax smiling mirthfully at her, fingers knotted in her hair, she couldn’t think of anything to say.  She should have kicked at him, or headbutted him right in his stupid face.  But she can’t.

Jax looked bored.  Maybe that’s why he decided it was a good time to push two of his fingers into her mouth.  It was hard to tell, he didn’t seem to do anything for much of a reason.  But regardless of that, Pomni’s yelp was muffled by the sudden assault.  She almost bit him on pure instinct, but resisted the urge the second Jax’s grip on her hair tightened.  He went straight for her gag reflex, and she gagged.  Hard.

The son of a bitch had big fingers.  He hadn’t even taken his glove off, but with the lack of any complex textures in this world, it didn’t really matter.  Pomni glared up at him, tried not to flinch at the way her own drool had dripped from the corners of her lips.  

He snickered, reveling in her agony.  “Sorry, sorry.  I’ll stop… In a minute.”  

She should chomp his fingers right off.

She doesn’t get much of a chance to try before Jax is pushing his fingers into the back of her throat again; he earns the same result.  

“If ya hate it so much, you can always… I dunno, manifest the gag reflex away?  You might be stupider than I thought, doll.”  

Pomni considers it briefly before he starts to thrust his fingers in her mouth; sharp little punches that leave her retching.  He’s so pleased with himself, clearly proud of regaining her attention.  Pomni is glad for it; as much as she loathes to admit it, it’s better than the self-degrading echochamber in her head.

“Decided to keep it?” he taunts, “I can still hear ya gagging down there.  It sounds repulsive.  You’re lucky I like it.”

Pomni recoils in pure disgust.  He really could just say anything , couldn’t he?

It pulls his fingers from her mouth, and Jax cackles as she hacks and fights to regain her breath.

Pomni is left strangely dizzy.  She would have toppled forward if it weren’t for Jax still holding onto her hair; normally, she thinks he would have already realized that and let her fall flat on her face.  But he has other plans, gripping his cock with his free hand.

The one she had given him.

Pomni’s awash once again with that wave of humiliation.  She felt like she’d been thrown into the emotional blender.  One second she’s seeing red, the next she’s sobbing like a baby, and the one after that she’s flustered and burning with… Whatever the closest thing to desire could possibly be in a situation like this.  And right now, she’s feeling all three.  She realizes there was one thing that she admired about Jax; his ability to simply compartmentalize his existential dread in favor of just doing whatever the hell he wants.

And right now he wants Pomni’s lips on him.  She knows that, and knows that if she doesn’t give it, he’ll take it.  She could play this game.

Jax’s grip on her hair loosens when he sees her shift on her knees and lean into him.  He seems pleased by that, if the very visible twitch of his cock was anything to go by.  She gives a tentative lap at him, earning a punched-out groan.

“Ah, fuck– ” Jax seems startled by his own reaction, hips already twitching at the contact.  Pomni flushes, surprised at the way her own stomach seemed to drop.  

“H-Ha,” Jax’s smile only drops for a second before he’s composed again, back to his usual self.  “Just messin’ with you, sweetheart.”  That was a total fucking lie, but Pomni would let it slide because she really wasn’t in much better shape.  She kinda wanted to taste him again, if she was being honest.  The small win of gaining a scrap of power over him made her drip down her thighs.

Jesus, she really was fucked up.

She doesn’t have time to ponder it; Jax wrenches her mouth open with his thumb, the faintest hint of embarrassment painted on his features.  

“Just get on with it,” he says, annoyed.  “And I’d better not feel any teeth, or I’ll rip ‘em out of your skull, get it?

He regains his confidence fast, pushing the head of his cock into her mouth with a steady thrust of his hips.  He draws in a tight breath, but is otherwise seemingly nonplussed as normal.

Pomni whines, tonguing at him apprehensively.  She couldn’t remember if she’d ever done this before back in the real world, but her ability to make him throb in her mouth made her think she probably had.  Hopefully it was under better circumstances than this.  Hopefully it was with someone she liked.  

It doesn’t really matter, it’s all completely out of reach now.  

She doesn’t want to think about that.  So she takes Jax further into her mouth, eyes fluttering shut to focus on the sensation.  The feeling of something hot and heavy on her tongue, a hand woven into her hair, the burning feeling of Jax tightening his grip.

“ Yeah ?  Y’like that?”  Pomni didn't answer, simply relaxed her jaw in invitation.  He’s a smart guy, he can take a hint.

“Heh.  Don’t mind if I do, sweetheart.”

God this guy talks too much.  He must love hearing the sound of himself talk enough for the both of them.

He starts slowly, thrusting shallowly into her mouth.  It’s weird, makes her jaw twitch a little uncomfortably.  She wishes he wasn’t gripping her hair so hard so she could bob her head and get on with it.  This just… wasn’t scratching whatever itch she was starting to feel.  Maybe she was some weird sadistic freak and she’d forgotten that along with the rest of her past life.  Or maybe it’s because having the need to breathe and the feeling of her throat being used– however unpleasant– reminded her of what being human must have been like.  

She could feel pain in this body, but it was all simulated, artificial pain.  Nothing beyond the burning, scorching breaking of pixels and code.  It didn’t feel like any human pain Pomni could recall; maybe that’s what made this sort of pain so appealing.  Artificial lungs burning with the need for air, even knowing that they would never need to receive it to keep her alive.  Jax could fuck her throat forever, and she’d never die.  Lose consciousness, maybe, but there was no such thing as dying in the Digital Circus.

Jax must not have noticed that she was zoning out, because he hadn’t let up on her since he had started.  She hadn’t noticed he was doing that, either.  She was thinking way too much.

Pomni swallows around him, and Jax lets out a whiny little groan.  She could tell by his expression that he hadn’t meant to do that.  

“ Holy fuck, ” he probably doesn’t mean to say that, either, but Pomni isn’t focused on that right now.  She’s focused on the way Jax involuntarily bucks his hips and the immediate, euphoric sensation of choked lungs and the sting in her throat.  Jax starts to move in earnest; she looks up at him, and the way he looks back at her makes her shiver.

“I knew it.  You really are a slut , Pomni.”

His tone’s shifted into something more dangerous, something that sends alarm bells ringing in Pomni’s head.  That same look from earlier– from the swinging blade, from when he had his hands wrapped around her throat.  That off-kilter look that made Pomni tremble in anxiety.  It was the first time he’d called her by her name since they started this, and it made the sting of those words twice as biting.

Jax doesn’t give her time to really look.  He’s grabbing at her hair with both hands now, fucks into her throat further than before.  He’s moving faster, too, the wet sound of her lips around him making her whine.  Pomni feels so dizzy, so light; like she might float up through the ceiling.  It’s so pleasant; more pleasant than she’s felt in days.  She doesn’t want it to stop.

Jax is laughing cruelly above her, watching as she comes apart.

“Aren’tcha glad I stopped by, after all?”  He pushes into her mouth and holds her there; she’s not able to take all of him in, but it’s enough to leave her reeling from the effort of keeping her throat relaxed.  “I knew ya weren’t like the others.  Y’know,” he leans down close to her, like he’s about to tell her a secret.  “The other people ‘round here?  I wouldn’t use ‘em as doormats to wipe my paws.  But you ,” he punctuates his point by forcing himself in further, enough to force tears from her eyes at the pressure, “I like ya.  You’re fun to play with.  I think I wanna keep you.”

Pomni has no idea what he’s talking about; she’s only absorbing half of his words at best.  Her head felt so foggy, it was hard to string the words that he was saying together.  As much as she loathed to say it, Jax was right; this does really help.

Wonder how he figured that out.

Jax pulls out of her mouth and Pomni mewls– mewls, for God’s sake– in disappointment.  He’s delighted by the sound, unwinds a hand from her hair just to stroke himself and look down at her.  She feels very small, then.

“You should see yourself right now,” he says.  “So pitiful.  It’s a great look on you.”  

Pomni moans, hoping to God these walls are soundproof.  The sounds she’s making are deafening in her ears; they make her stomach churn, but they’re better than the echoing silence of the Circus whenever they weren’t playing one of Caine’s stupid games.  It makes her more needy.  She looks up at him pleadingly, the absolute picture of submission– he wouldn’t refuse that.

And she was right.  Jax twists both hands in her hair, thrusts in and pulls her nice and hard on his dick until he hits that point in her throat where she can’t take anymore.  Pomni squeals, trying to hide the fact that she’s back to rubbing her thighs together lest Jax decides to stop.  

Jax lets out a shaky breath, falters just a little bit in his movement.  

“Whoever made this stupid place was into some weird shit,” Jax laughs, “Didn’t know your eyes could do that.”

No, they didn’t–

“They’re little hearts, in case you're wonderin’.”

Pomni wants to cringe.  As if Jax doesn’t already know she’s enjoying it; she needs to have a stupid physical manifestation of that posted like a billboard on her face.

“Don’t be embarrassed, sweetcheeks.  I think it’s cute.”  He hasn’t let up on violating her mouth, but now he was staring directly into her eyes and it makes Pomni feel stupidly shy.  As if she wasn’t literally sucking him off right now.

He stops, pulls himself out with a wet little pop.  Pomni’s panting, her searing lungs finally free to get relief.  His hands are still in her hair, and he uses them to yank her off the ground to send her toppling back onto her newly-resized bed.  He had been planning this the whole time.  He prepared for it.

“J-Jax–” Pomni’s voice is scratchy and soft, like she can’t manage to raise her voice any higher.  

“Shh, s’okay doll.  I’m not done with you.”  She grimaces at the shushing, once again feeling like a petulant child being scolded.  He crawls over her, eyes raking down her body.  His hands push her thighs apart to make room for him to settle between them; he’s staring right between her legs in an unabashed way that would make even the most devious folks blush.  Pomni covers her face with her hands and breathes shakily, somehow still nervous despite all that had happened.

“Geez, sweetheart, I dunno if you can take it,” Jax says teasingly, one gloved hand slipping between her legs.  His touch is feather-light, and Pomni nearly growls in her frustration.  She hated the fucking teasing.  “Gotta make sure I’m not puttin’ my dick in a vice, here.”

“I-I can take it, just fucking do it ,” Pomni snaps.  Didn’t he think her damn genitals up himself, anyway?  

“Patience, my silly little fool!”  Okay, she hates that one more than any of the others.  “‘M just gonna…”  He trails off, presses a fingertip against her in promise.  Pomni’s hips move outside of her control, grinding against it.  Jax laughs derisively before fulfilling her wish and pressing into her.

Pomni keeps forgetting about the big hands thing.  It really comes back to hit her over the head with a horny frying pan when she least expects it.

Just a single finger was stretching her more than she’d expect.  It takes the air right out of her lungs.  She squeaks when Jax moves his thumb flush against her clit, rubbing tight little circles leisurely.  

“Toldja I could make ya feel better,” he says, “You’re the first person in a loooong time I’ve wanted to see like this.  The nice ass is a plus, too.”

He winks and Pomni bristles.  Fucking pervert.  She doesn’t realize she’s voiced that thought out loud until Jax slips a second finger into her and pushes in up to the knuckle.  Pomni shudders, stuttered curses slipping from her lips when Jax starts to pump his fingers in earnest.

“Yeah, maybe I am.  We’ve all gotta keep ourselves goin’ in here, y’know?”  At least he’s self-aware.  Not that it makes it any better.  “You’re real wet down here, Pommy.  Didn’t know y’liked having your throat used so much.  Dirty little thing.”

“Y-You’re one to t-talk–” she manages, cutting herself off with another garbled cry.  He’s good with his hands, is able to keep up a steady pace on her clit while he stretches her open.  She hated to give the guy credit, but it’s pretty undeniable with the wet schlick that rings out in the room every time he moves his fingers.  She feels so hot, like she’s boiling from the inside-out.  It pissed her off that Jax was able to do this to her, but the fuzzy feeling in her head made it worth it.  She’d give anything to stay like this.  She didn’t want to go back to what was outside of her room door.  

Jax fits in a third finger with effort, and Pomni’s entire body convulses.  

“Oh, yeah, you can take it, dollface.”  She whimpers in response.  Jax’s free hand is pinning her stomach now, his pace picking up twofold.  The pressure on her midsection hurts, but Jax presses harder as he pistons his fingers in and out of her.  “Wanna make you cum on my fingers before I fuck you, s’that cool with you, sweet thing?”

Her eyes are wet again, overwhelmed tears tracing down the round curve of her cheeks.  She’s making those deplorable sounds again; that dizzy little chuckle that she wishes she could rip out of her throat.  Jax seems to love it, responding with a satisfied little groan when she furiously nods his head at him.  Her hands are scrabbling at the sheets, gripping and tugging like it can keep her back from arching off the bed.  She was scared of falling apart in front of him; scared of how much of this he would use to torment her later when they weren’t doing this.  But she can feel her body tensing up, knowing she’s going to teeter over the edge before she can stop herself.

He leans over to her, breathes against the shell of her.  “C’mon, Pomni.  Let it happen.”

And she does.

She feels like she’s drowning; she can hear herself wailing, but it’s distant in her ears.  Her whole body is scorching.  She trembles and shivers, laughs maniacally while Jax works her through her orgasm.  It’s the best thing she’s ever felt.  Maybe it was the sheer lack of physical sensation besides the odd, digital pain.  But she wishes she could live in it forever. 

She’s still shaking with aftershocks when Jax pulls his fingers out and swiftly replaces them with the head of his dick.  He ruts against her, sliding the head of his cock over her sensitive clit.  Pomni sobs; it’s too much, she can’t take it.

“J-J… Ah- ” trying to speak was like moving through molasses, tongue heavy in her mouth.  

Jax is smirking predatorily, flush high on his cheeks.  “Good show, doll.”  His cock is heavy against her stomach; the head rests just above her navel, and she gulps nervously.

Jax cackles, a bead of precum landing against her stomach.  “Ya gave me such wonderful tools to work with.  Sure ya don’t wanna change that?”

As snarky as it was, it was… strangely nice of Jax to give her the chance to change her mind.  She couldn’t give the guy credit on most things, but at least he had some sort of human empathy buried in there.  Pomni smiles a loopy smile; the first she had all night.  

“N-No… This is good.”

Jax grins triumphantly at that.  He snickers and presses against her opening, teasing at her folds.  She’s dripping, slick pooling uncomfortably below her on the non-specifically textured sheets.  

“Gonna tear you apart, ” He snarls lowly, “I could fuck up your guts all I wanted and it wouldn’t matter.”  

Ok, that… Was new.  Out of pocket, even.

He smirks.  “Still think you're dreamin’, Pomni?”

Pomni makes a dumb, questioning noise in response but then Jax pushes into her and it becomes irrelevant.

It’s a lot all at once, and Pomni howls in pain.  Even with the stretch from Jax’s fingers, somehow his dick was still bigger and Pomni cursed herself for the weird shit that she thought up in her head.  

“I know, I know,” he’s cooing at her, “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

Pomni doesn’t respond, but the tears and erratic rise and fall of her chest are a pretty good indicator.

“Don’t worry, it’ll get better, doll.”  He withdraws a bit, and Pomni sighs in relief.

Then, he slams back in, deeper than before.

“ Eventually. ”

It’s like something snaps.  The pain is searing, degrading.  But it was a good pain.  A good, good pain.  It struck every receptor in her fake little body, overwhelmed her like a tsunami.  It was indescribable.  

“ H-Haa…! ” She cries out, screams like she’s in a fucking horror movie.  It feels good to do it, as satisfying as anything in this stupid place can be.  She’s laughing again, she knows it, but she can’t hear it.  It’s just the sound of rushing water, like sinking to the bottom of the ocean.  

“ Yeah, ” Jax is beaming like a feral animal, “Fucking christ, Pomni.  You’re so fucked in the head .  Y’like being hurt this much?”

She doesn’t reply, just cackles when he pulls out and thrusts back into her.

“I knew it,” he grunts, making an effort to try and grind further into her, “Knew ya weren’t like the others.”

She doesn’t know what that means, doesn’t understand why he’s bringing up anyone else.  It doesn’t matter, it really, really doesn’t.  She tries to roll her hips up into him, needs more more more more–

Jax cackles and obliges her, pulls out until just the head remains inside her.  He readjusts, putting his hands underneath her thighs and pushing them up to her chest.  She watches him watch her, and he was delighted at the way that she was so open for him.

“I’m gonna make it hurt for ya, don’t worry, sweetheart.”

She keens when he pushes in; as hard as he can, all the way to the root.  It’s earth-shattering.  Pomni hopes when she’s more in her right mind she’s not the masochist that Jax is making her out to be, but right now the crucial pain and pleasure were overwhelming her.  Maybe she was always like this.  Maybe it was easy enough to tell that Jax knew right away.  It doesn’t matter, nothing matters except the torment of Jax splitting her open.  

“P-Please, please, pleaseplease please–”  She can’t breathe, can’t think, doesn’t want to.  It hurt too much.  

“I’m gonna take good care of ya, Pommy.  Don’t worry that pretty head of yours.”  

She wouldn’t believe him normally, but then he bears down on her and starts to really move and it’s all she needs to lay back and shut up.

“We all need t’get by,” he grunts, holding back the noise Pomni knows is waiting in his throat, “Think we’re more compatible than you thought.”

Pomni doesn’t want to comment on that, doesn’t want to consider it.  She wants him to fuck her until she doesn’t have to think anymore if he’s going to laze around her room.  “Jus’ get on with it,” she mutters, not even able to muster up enough brain power to frown at him.

Jax does, thank God.  The moment he starts eagerly thrusting into her, Pomni can feel that chaotic thoughts in her head start to fade.  It felt like it filled her up to her stomach, and then some.  She’d never felt like this before; never felt the pressure pushing in her gut and striking her dumb.  If this was her own imagination, after all, I guess it knew what she wanted better than she did.  Jax is cursing under his breath, panting and growling like an animal.

Makes sense, I guess.

“Such a tight fuckin’ pussy.”  Pomni would probably cringe at that normally, but she doesn’t have the wherewithal to interject.  If he wanted to talk like a shitty pornstar, who was Pomni to stop him now?  “You have no idea how much I needed this.”

He lets out a satisfied groan, pushes her legs up higher so that her knees are near her ears.  She didn’t even know she could bend that way, but the feeling of Jax slamming into her doesn’t make her question it.  In fact, she’s fucking elated.  

“I’m so fuckin’ glad you’ve got such a whore brain in that head of yours,” he taunts, squeezes at her thighs with bruising intent.  “Didn’t even need’ta give myself a dick big enough to rearrange your guts.  Did it all on your own.  Maybe outside of this whole thing, you’re fucked just like everyone else.”

She’s nodding, even if she doesn’t know what she’s agreeing to.  Whatever will get him to stop talking and keep fucking her.  He could make any assumption he wanted and she would let him have it, as long as it didn’t stop.  Of course, he caught onto that fact right away.

“Aww, too stupid to deny it anymore?  Thought ya had a little more fight in you, doll.  Don’t worry, ‘s fine by me.”  He changes his leverage, plants a foot flat on the bed, and fucks into her that way.  She can’t stop the pleas and cries escaping her, eyes stinging from the tears.  She sobs when Jax pushes in completely and stops.  He looks down where they’re connected and seems shaken by the sight.  It was like if he were alone, he’d be much less composed.  

“H-Ha, holy shit, ” he groans.  He doesn’t elaborate, but instead grinds up against her, the soft area of his pelvis grinding against her clit.  Pomni sighs gratefully, loving the way molten heat seemed to melt into her lower body.  The fullness was nice, adding another layer to the fog in her brain.  She feels utterly powerless, and it was more than she could have ever asked for.

Jax releases one of her thighs, instead drawing it to her belly.  He pushes down and suddenly, Pomni realizes why he had been so distracted earlier.  

Even with Jax’s hand partially covering it, the sight is unmistakable.  There’s a little bulge in her belly, right where the head of his cock was inside of her.  

She feels so dizzy, so so dizzy.  It leaves her twitching around his dick, and clearly he felt it too because he actually moans for the first time this evening.  He moves again, but this time he places his palm firmly against the spot on her stomach.  When he bottoms out inside her, he presses down hard .

They both cry out at that, and for just a second Pomni felt like maybe this wasn’t so bad.  Wasn’t so bad to see him show some sort of investment in her, even if it was something purely physical.  He’s panting now, eyes shut tight in concentration; it was the first sign of desperation she had ever seen from him.  Even when he was faced with yet another horrific circus act, Pomni had never seen a hint of it on him.  It made him look weirdly vulnerable.  It was sort of like looking at him for the first time.  

“Fuck, fuck, ” he’s repeating it over and over, barely audible over the sound of his hips smacking into her.  The hand on her belly is trembling, and Pomni knows he’s close.  

“ P-Please,” she whimpers, and he groans long and low.  The hand on her stomach darts between her legs, rubbing hard against where she’s sensitive.  Pomni yelps; she’s still overstimulated from him getting her off earlier that it immediately makes her body stretch taut.

“Yeah, t-tighten up for me, sweetheart.”  His voice is wavering, rhythm starting to grow erratic.  “Want you t’get off when I cum in you.”

Pomni feels her ears burn.

Jax doubles down his efforts on her clit, and Pomni is practically squirming under his hand.  He slows his thrusts a bit just to focus on it; he genuinely wants to get her off again.  How surprisingly benevolent of him.  Pomni had figured at first she’d be lucky to get off once, but it seemed like he actually meant to help her.  She wished he wasn’t such a jerk all the time; maybe she would have accepted his help sooner.

Pomni looks up at him with those big, watery eyes.  She wants to say something that’ll make him tick, like he was able to do to her so easily.  Even if it meant swallowing her pride.  It felt gratifying to know she could have an effect on him.

“I-I want it,” she sobs, “P-Please cum in me–”

Yep, that’ll do it.

Jax’s hips stutter, and it’s clear that if Pomni hadn’t wanted that to work, it would already be too late.  He only lasts a few more stumbling thrusts before he goes still, burying himself as deep as he can.  He’s practically snarling, eyes shut tight while he rides out his orgasm.  

For Pomni, the feeling is ineffable.  Her insides are so hot , and the feeling of cum filling her belly is making her brain melt out of her skull.  Despite the indignity of it, she’s able to fulfill Jax’s wish.  She wails when she cums again, clenching tight around Jax.

“ Take it, ” he groans, as if Pomni had any other option at this point.  Like she was even looking for another option to begin with.  “So good, so fuckin’ good…”

Jax trails off, muttering filth under his breath until the muscles in his legs untense and his grip goes lax.  Pomni is still trembling, all too aware of the cum leaking out of her despite still being skewered on his dick.  He notices too, if the full-body shiver she gets from him is any indication.  He looks up at her, eyes half-lidded and breath coming out in rough pants.  Her eyes dart away, too bashful to look at him directly.

“Ah… Sheesh, you wore me out there, cutie.”  

Pomni laughs awkwardly, a little too loud.  She wants to kick herself.

Without warning, Jax slides out of her, the squelching sound of the mess between her legs making Pomni’s body tense up in shame.  Jax lets out an impressed whistle, using his thumbs to spread her open.

“J-Jax!  That’s–” She can’t even finish the sentence, just throws her hands over her face and groans in embarrassment.

“Just wanted t’check my work.  You look good all filled up like that.  Makes me wanna do it again.”

“Do you want to kill me?” 

“Not a chance, doll.  Not if it means I can’t fuck that sweet pussy again–”

“Okay, I think that’s enough,” Pomni cuts him off and sits herself up shakily.  “And you can drop the pet names, now.  Please.”

Jax shuts his mouth and complies, backing up just enough to give her room to sit against the headboard.  Her body ached, her hips hurt, and the sudden emptiness in her belly was uncomfortable.  They were all welcome feelings; pain that she had gotten herself.  It wasn’t the same as the odd torture that the Circus offered.  Her limbs were lax, brain comfortably fuzzy.  

“How’re you doin’, Pommy?” he asks nonchalantly, but Pomni has learned enough about him to know it’s an earnest question.  

“I… I feel better ,” she says with half-disbelief.  

Jax raises his eyebrows and grins his best shit-eating grin.  “Wow, ya don’t say?  Maybe you should listen to me more often.”

She scoffs, but doesn’t argue.  He’s technically right, after all.

“Yeah… Maybe I do… S-Sometimes!”

He chuckles, then reaches forward to ruffle her hair.  He pushes just hard enough to be mildly discomforting; Pomni shouldn’t have expected him to stop being his normal, annoying self just because she fucked him once.  That’s a little too much to ask of Jax.

“Well, I’m not goin’ anywhere anytime soon.  So if ya need my ‘help’ again, give me a call.”  He winks and holds his hand up to his ear like a phone.  It’s so painfully cringeworthy, all Pomni can manage is an annoyed groan.

“I’ll…  Keep that in mind,” she says, flustered.  “T-Thanks, Jax.”

“Anytime, toots.”