Chapter Text
1997 - Present Day
Julia has just concluded the interview portion of her Documentary. She decides to play the ‘Aurora’ album now that she has a better understanding of the history behind it and finds herself feeling more connected to it than before. When she gets to track number nine she takes notice of, for the first time, the obscurities in the lyrics her father sings. She'd always assumed it was about resisting the temptations of the drugs and the alcohol he had come to build a painful relationship with. Now that she knows about his history with Daisy, she wonders if it could be about resisting other temptations as well.
She calls her dad to see if he is willing to come in for one last sit-down before she starts the editing process. He agrees.
Julia: [seated in chair] Hey Dad, thanks for coming back. I know I’ve taken a lot of your time with this documentary.
Billy: Of course, Baby. I have all the time in the world for you. [leans down to give her a hug before taking his seat]
Julia: [smiles] I know we discussed most of the songs on the album, but I wanted to know more about ‘Please’.
Billy: What do you mean?
Julia: Well, you know I’ve listened to ‘Aurora’ more times than I can count; for as long as I can remember…[Billy nods]…and most of the songs are pretty self explanatory, but with ‘Please’, I could never figure out exactly what it was you were singing about.
Billy: It’s a song about my struggles with addiction and resisting the urge to fuck up my sobriety; the urge to fuck up the stability of our lives or what I felt like was our life back then.
Julia: So, it wasn’t about anything or anyone else?
Billy: [laughs nervously and scratches back of ear] Uh- No.
Julia: [looks unamused] “Dad.”
Billy: [shifts uncomfortably] What is it Jules?
Julia: [leans back in chair and folds arms] When we started all of this, you promised you’d be honest.
Billy: [confusion appears on his face] What is it that you’d like me to be more honest about?
Julia: The song, Dad. Was it about your addiction with drugs and alcohol?
Billy: [swallows a dry lump in his throat]
Julia: Or was it about Daisy?
Billy: I um… [Clears throat] Well, it started off being about one thing and ended up being about a multitude of things.
Julia: [raises an eyebrow]
Billy: I’ll tell you, but this isn’t going in the documentary.
Julia: I’m listening.
Billy: Jules.
Julia: Fine.
No one had ever questioned the meaning behind the song before. Everyone who knew him just assumed it was about his history with substance abuse and everyone who didn’t, only cared about the fact that it was a great fucking record. Even that asshat of a Journalist, Jonah Berg, never cared enough to ask. You’d think with all his curiosity and him threatening the stability of his family with his article, he would have easily found those lyrics a bit suspicious.
He doesn’t want to lie to his daughter, but how much of the truth does she really want to know? How much of it can she handle?
1976
“Let me guess, it’s about your wife and the rain.” Billy can’t seem to get her words out of his head.
It's been days since Daisy made that dig about his writing abilities, or lack thereof, during their first day of practice since joining the band. The plan was to record the songs he'd already written, like they did with their first album, but singing anything having to do with his wife or love for his wife repulsed Daisy.
“I’m not here to sing harmony on a bunch of love songs about your wife ,” he remembers her saying.
It isn't that he disagrees, but who is she to think she can start having a great deal of opinions as the newest member of his band? She hadn't even completed her first full day of practice and she already begun giving the other bandmates the courage to go against him. Eddie was always finding reasons to be upset or disagree with him, but Graham, Warren, and Karen never showed any disdain for anything he wrote. The amount of nerve she had in those moments was infuriating.
He’ll never admit it to her, or to anyone for that matter, that her speaking up that day turned out to be the best thing for the band. Teddy kicking them out of the studio on their first day was a close second. The new music they were coming up with together was magical. He never cared to share the pressure that came with being both a musician and songwriter for the band because he didn’t mind carrying the weight of the band on his shoulders. He also didn’t mind sharing that role with someone. Someone like Daisy. Wouldn’t mind sharing anything with her.
They’d already written and recorded ‘Let Me Down Easy’ and they were wrapping up on ‘Kill You to Try’. Teddy had assured them they would be certified hits, but he still needed to know he could write a successful song by himself. A song that wasn’t just about how much he loved his wife or begging for her forgiveness due to the mistakes he’d made in their marriage.
Sure, he could count ‘Honeycomb’ as a successful song he had written, but it wasn’t a great song, not until Daisy added traces of herself into it. How can someone that constantly pushes his buttons and upset him the way that she tends to, also inspire him to be better? What is it about Daisy that makes him want to prove his worth to her? Why does he feel the need to prove he is worthy? He doesn’t know, but he seeks out to do it, anyway.
As they work on putting the finishing touches on ‘Kill You to Try’, Daisy, Warren, Karen, Graham, and Eddie take turns doing lines of coke off of the coffee table in the reception area of the studio. Billy decided to stay in the control room with Teddy and Tobias taking in the knowledge of what it means to be a producer and engineer. He also didn’t care to be around his high and presumably drunk bandmates if he didn’t need to be.
When Teddy, Tobias, and the band had all left for the day, Daisy and Billy were left to work on new music alone. Or so they thought.
“What do you want to work on?” Daisy asks, sitting on a stool with her guitar in hand.
“I figured we could come up with some lyrics and a melody to the guitar riff I heard you playing the other day,” Billy suggests.
“This one?” She begins strumming the chords of the riff on her guitar, while keeping her eyes on him. She’s wearing blue jeans and a loosely fitting white crop top that ties in the front with hints of floral patterns on it. Her auburn colored hair falls on each side of her shoulders, and because her hair is less wavy than usual today, Billy catches a glance of skin a bra normally would be covering when she leans forward to pluck the high ‘E’ string.
His eyes are preoccupied, so he doesn’t notice that Daisy’s eyes catch all of it.
“You like this shirt?” She teases.
He finds her eyes and shakes his head while letting out a nervous laugh. “What?”
“It's okay, Billy,” she says with a smirk as she stands up and closes the space between them. “I do too.” A hint of darkness glistens in her eyes..
“I don’t know what you’re talking-”
“You’re a terrible liar, Billy,” she lets out before he can even finish the lie falling off of his tongue.
You have no idea, he thinks.
Before he’s able to get out the next lie that has already formed in his head, the door opens and in comes Jonah Berg, who they had forgotten left only moments ago for a cigarette break. They both look over and Billy involuntarily takes a step back so that he and Daisy are no longer sharing the same breath. He nods at them and takes a seat in the back of the room close to Warren’s drum kit. “Pretend I’m not here,” he says.
Jonah Berg was a Journalist from Rolling Stone Magazine who had been hired to write a puff piece about the band and their upcoming album ‘Aurora’. He wore brown denim pants with a jacket to match and dark shades that gave him this sort of “I’m a pretentious asshole” kind of vibe.
Billy decides it's time for a smoke break. “I’m going out for a smoke,” he says as he turns and heads for the door. He looks at Daisy just before walking out, gesturing to the notebook in his hand, “I’ll uh- I’ll try to come up with something.”
While Billy is out having a smoke, his mind flashes back to the glimpse of Daisy’s bare skin he had caught. He lets himself imagine what her skin would feel like. If it's as soft as it looks. If she would let him touch her. The sound that would escape her lips if he were to plant a gentle kiss or suck a bruise there.
Stop, he tells himself as he shakes his head hoping to put to and end the images he’s conjured up.
He puts out his cigarette and walks back into the studio.
“This uh– this line doesn’t work, does it?” Billy asks as he makes his way towards Daisy, stopping right in front of her while handing her the notebook.
“Well, if you’re asking me, then you know it doesn’t”
She smiles and he can’t help but to stare. Can’t help but to get lost in it. The sound of Jonah’s responding snicker snaps him back into reality. He glances at him and then back at Daisy. Her eyes now focused on the words in his notebook.
Not every love has to end
Let’s just try to forgive and forget
How about we try to work it out
Please don’t do anything we’ll regret
Can we remember why we're holding on?
Like the way you turn me on
She knows what the problem is. It’s filled with false hope.
“So, can you fix it?” Billy asks.
“Probably,” she states with the warmest smile.
“Okay,” reciprocating the same smile.
Silence fills the room as they hold each other's gaze for what seems like a lifetime and it becomes too much for Daisy. She decides to break it, “I’m going out for a smoke, I’ll come back with some notes or something better,” she teases with a wink.
Once she's out the door, Jonah lets out a whistle that causes Billy to turn around and look at him. Jonah goes back to writing in his notepad and Billy can’t help but feel a wave of guilt overcome him. He isn’t even sure he saw what had just transpired with Daisy, but he still feels the need to make excuses.
“It's not what you think, man,” Billy says looking back at Jonah.
“Okay,” he responds in a nonchalant tone.
“You’ve seen Bonnie and Clyde, right? Warren Beatty and Faye Dunnaway?” Billy asks.
“Yeah.”
“The sparks were flying in front of the camera, but then they had their lives, you know, and that's… that's how Daisy and me are.”
“So you’re saying it's just an act?” Jonah asks.
“Not exactly, no, but uh… I mean it's not real life either. That's kind of the point,” he says, letting out a nervous chuckle. Hoping Jonah doesn’t see through his lies.
“Okay.” Jonah ends their conversation the same way he started it. Okay.
Billy takes a seat on the stool Daisy had gotten up from and begins strumming the same chords of the riff.
“I fixed it for you,” her voice fills the room as she walks back into the studio and up to Billy.
“Okay, I think I’ve got everything I need for the day. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jonah announces, but they don’t care to acknowledge him as he walks out.
Billy’s already invested in the new set of lyrics in front of him.
Every story has an ending
Then it's not our job to stay
Now, how about we turn it off?
Just forget it like it’s gone
We’ll forget it
Like the way you turn me on
He pauses for a second before looking back up at Daisy. “You kept the one line that didn't work.”
“The line’s beautiful, it was just the rest that was shit,” she says, giving him the brightest smile. He swears her smile shines brighter than the lights on any stage he’s ever been on.
She begins walking backwards towards the door, “I’m going to see if I can catch a ride with Jonah. I’ll see you tomorrow, Billy Dunne.” And just like that she’s out the door.
“Well, fuck,” he says to himself, one hand on his hip and the other running through his hair as he watches the door shut behind her.
After dinner, Billy takes Julia upstairs and gets her ready for bed while Camila clears off the dinner table and tidies up the kitchen. Once she's tucked in, he walks across the hall to the room he and Camila share. She’s already in bed, with glasses on, rereading her copy of Anne Rice’s ‘Interview with a Vampire’. He wonders how she hasn’t grown tired of the book yet when this is notably her third time reading it. He likes to tease her about it sometimes.
“Hey Babe,” he whispers crawling into bed, planting a soft kiss on her forehead before lying down next to her.
“Hey,” she responds sweetly, taking her glasses off and placing it along with her book down on the nightstand beside the bed. She turns back to him and slides down using her elbow to help prop her up on her side. “How’s the album coming along?”
“It’s uh, yeah it's good. Teddy’s happy with what we’ve come up with so far.”
“That’s great, Babe!” She leans closer to him and gives him the most gentle kiss. He used to love the way her lips felt against his. Used to.
She pulls back enough to give him a look of want and desire before leaning back in to give him another. She licks his lips and he answers by parting them, granting her access. He tries to think back to a time where he wanted nothing more than to tear her clothes off and have his way with her. He tries to think of the last time he shared the same look of desire she had just shown him only moments ago, and is showing him now with her actions. It's all a blur, but when he remembers a wave of shame and guilt washes over him. It isn’t the desire he feels guilty about, it's the fact that the last time he looked at someone like that wasn't with her. It was with Daisy.
Without breaking their kiss, he pulls Camila closer, trying to distract himself from the thoughts he so desperately wants to outrun, until she’s straddling him. He pulls himself up and wraps his hands around her waist. She places her hands behind his neck and kisses him more deeply as she plays with the curls at the nape of his neck.
It’s working, he thinks.
He lightly grips her waist before moving his hands up to caress her back. He allows one hand to move up to grab the back of her neck, while slipping the other under the black, silk lingerie top she has on. He’s always loved how soft her skin was. He runs his hand over her stomach and moves it a little higher, letting his fingers brush lightly over her nipple. She lets out an encouraging moan that he swallows with his own mouth before moving over to her other breast, giving that nipple the same attention.
It still doesn’t keep his mind from wandering.
He wonders what desire sounds like coming from Daisy. He wonders if her moans are as angelic as when she sings. A hymn he never knew he needed.
He snaps out of it when she starts grinding against him. He can feel her heat rising with every movement she makes.
“Billy,” she lets out breathily.
He wonders what his name sounds like rolling off her tongue.
Fuck. I can’t do this.
He takes each of her arms in his hands and pulls her back, finding her eyes. “Not tonight, Cami. I’m sorry.”
“What? Why?” Disappointment in her eyes.
“I’m just exhausted and I have an early morning. I’m sorry.”
“I get it.” She gives him a kiss on the cheek then proceeds to climb off of him and reclaim her side of the bed. Her back turned to him.
Even when he she has every right to be upset, even when he knows she is, she never lets him see it. She refuses to be anything but composed around him. He thinks that could be the reason why he doesn’t allow her to know all of him. Why he always has to mask his true self to her in return.
He wants to take a shot of whiskey to help him forget the look of disappointment in his wife's eyes when he rejected her. Wants to take a shot for thinking of anyone other than his wife while she moaned his name. Wants to take a shot to stop the thoughts of wanting to take a shot.
When he’s sure Camila has fallen asleep, he heads downstairs and takes a seat at his desk.
He thinks of the events that have transpired since they started working on the album, hoping it sparks some inspiration. He prefers to create outside of the studio, away from all of the temptations. The drugs, the booze, Daisy . The latter seems to be the most difficult.
He chugs half a glass of water, hoping to wash down any remaining thoughts of her before taking a pen to paper.
Her voice invades his thoughts again, “You write songs about who you want to be, not who you are. What if you didn’t do that?”
Be honest with yourself, Billy.
He sets the pen back on the table, places his elbows on the desk and runs his hands through his hair. Everything about his sobriety frightens him. He can write about it, but who wants to hear about it? Sing along to it?
He hears her words again, “ I would. I think everybody would.”
What are you so afraid of?
He picks up his glass and tosses back the rest of his water the way he would a glass of whiskey. For a moment he wishes it were.
He picks up the pen, puts it to paper and begins to write about what he knows. He begins to write about things he can’t bring himself to say, what he feels he can’t talk about, what he doesn’t allow himself to talk about. His truth.
Please
I’m down on my knees
I have a family
Please
It's an awful disease
And it's getting me
The words begin to flow.
Julia: So it did start off being about your struggles with addiction.
Billy: Yes… but it didn't stay that way for long.