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Life's never-ending webs untangle themselves in unexpected ways, not at all merciful to the people it tramples down.
And fate is not bliss, because the things Yuuji saw were much too similar to a puppet show. If Mahito was the puppeteer and Junpei the puppet, then what was Yuuji's role?
If he is sure of something, it's the fact that his resolve is wavering. After all, having your new-found purpose crushed under the weight of a curse's ferocious grin yet again is pretty pathetic.
He knows he deserves to get laughed at by Fushiguro (except that he's never actually heard the other boy laugh, which fills him with even more sadness) because he tried to protect everyone (again) and failed (again). His negligence almost killed Fushiguro at the juvenile center and he wasn't fast enough to save Junpei when Mahito transfigured him. Now, that green-eyed boy who loved movies and his mother so much would never meet Fushiguro, Kugisaki, and Gojo-sensei or avenge his poor mother, who had been so kind to Yuuji-
"Yuuji-kun! Are you slacking off?" Gojo-sensei's boisterous voice ends his rapid train of thought, which he's grateful for. He shakes his head.
"Well, I think it's time for a break anyway." Gojo-sensei stretches, and it's just now that Yuuji realizes how ridiculously tall his teacher is. His arms look like he could wrap them around the whole Earth with ease, and his shoulders are wide enough to carry the weight of the sky itself. There is no doubt in Yuuji's mind that Gojo-sensei is the strongest, but is that considered a blessing or is it rather just a condemnation to the brutal life of a jujutsu sorcerer? He's constantly away on missions, sometimes even for weeks on end.
As he thinks about it, an important question pops into his head. If he's been a jujutsu sorcerer for so long, did Gojo-sensei experience loss too? Did he grieve?
He's about to ask when he sees his teacher with his hand on the doorknob, ready to leave.
"Goodnight, Yuuji-kun! No bedtime for you, because lucky for you, I'm not Nanamin! See you tomorrow for training," Gojo-sensei says.
With new-found determination, Yuuji goes after him and attempts to touch his shoulder. Instead, he meets the invisible wall that always seems to linger. Yuuji doesn't think he's ever actually touched Gojo-sensei, not through his Infinity, even though his teacher always ruffles his hair, hugs him, or pats his head. Infinity is always up, probably even when his teacher is sleeping. If he sleeps, that is.
Gojo-sensei turns around to face him anyway.
"Already missing your sensei, huh? I guess it's only natural-"
"Have you ever dealt with grief?"
Yuuji thinks he would've felt really bad for interrupting his teacher if he wasn't stunned by his expression. His mouth is downturned, and even through his blindfold, it's glaringly obvious that he's frowning. He looks like he wants to say something meaningful, something big, yet he asks exactly what Yuuji thought he'd ask:
"Is this about Yoshino-kun?"
Yuuji nods. Gojo's expression softens.
"That wasn't your fault. You kids had to deal with curses that would cause even an experienced grade-one sorcerer trouble. The patchwork curse was undoubtedly a special grade, and even though you've made amazing progress, you aren't strong enough to face that yet."
He sighs. Nanamin had said the same thing, but somehow every time someone tells him it wasn't his fault it all feels more unreal.
"You don't look like you're intending to go to sleep," Gojo-sensei observes. "You up for a movie?"
Yuuji doesn't even try to hide his relief. He practically teleports to his teacher's side and they walk to the living room in comfortable silence.
They sit down on Gojo-sensei's abnormally large couch - once again, Yuuji wonders if it ever gets lonely, living all by yourself in this huge house - and turn on the TV.
They're almost halfway through their movie when Gojo-sensei speaks again.
"I usually don't deal with it."
His eyes are stuck to the screen (well, his blindfold is) as one of the characters is swallowed whole by a dinosaur.
"Huh?"
"With grief, I mean. I ignore it."
He hums, not knowing what to say. So even the strongest can grieve.
"Does it ever go away?"
He knows it's a childish question, yet a small and selfish part of him wishes to be comforted by sugar-coated words, assured that eventually it'll all pass. But Gojo-sensei, unaware of Yuuji's internal monologue, says:
"I certainly hope so."
He doesn't think. Yuuji's next words fly past his lips faster than he can process them:
"What happened?"
As expected, he doesn't need to elaborate. He finds it fascinating how Gojo-sensei's a pretty observant guy. More often than not, Yuuji thinks about how - maybe - they're not so different.
Gojo-sensei doesn't answer instantly, but when he does, it's not as loud as everything he says.
"There was this young girl. You actually kind of remind me of her," Gojo says, ruffling his hair with a fond smile.
"Yeah? How so?" Yuuji asks, smiling too.
Gojo-sensei's soft grin falls a little, but it's barely noticeable.
"First of all, she was a vessel. Well, she could've been one. Although I don't think it was what she wanted for herself, and that's the only thing that matters."
Unfortunately, Yuuji relates to this dead girl, both having been pushed around like some kind of doll by fate. He clenches his fists.
"She was also optimistic and self-sacrificing like you," Gojo continues, seemingly lost in thought. "We promised we'd protect her. As you can see, that didn't work out."
"Oh."
If even the strongest can't save everyone, how can Yuuji even dream of it? Is it even achievable?
And what does he mean by "we" ? Perhaps it's Nanamin since he knows he and Gojo-sensei were classmates. He'd have to ask the former about this mysterious girl too.
Soft snoring diverts his attention. He has to keep himself from chuckling when he sees his teacher sleeping soundly with his face smushed against the couch's armrest.
That has to be uncomfortable.
Yuuji's never been especially gentle, but he tries to be as he places a pillow under Gojo's head. The man doesn't even stir.
Yuuji sighs in relief. He also puts a blanket over him, for good measure, then returns to his room on his tiptoes.
As his consciousness slowly fades into the darkness, he thinks of two things.
One, Gojo-sensei didn't have his Infinity on.
And two, he wonders how Fushiguro and Kugisaki have been doing.